Knick, Knack, Paddywack

BY : Scribe
Category: 1 through F > Austin Powers
Dragon prints: 1914
Disclaimer: I do not own the Austin Powers series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Disclaimer applies to all chapters

Title Knick, Knack, Paddywhack
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Austin Powers/X Files
Summary: Scott invites Alex back to the Evil Lair to *gulp* meet the family.
Rating: Fan rated mature
Pairings: Scott, Alex
Characters: Scott, Alex, Frau, Dr. Evil, Mister Bigglesworth, Fat Bastard
Betas: None
Notes:
Disclaimer: I did not create, and do not own the rights to, the recognizable media characters that appear in this story.
I have no legal or bindingagreement with the creators, or owners.
I do not seek, and would not accept,profit from this fiction.
I have nothing but affection and respect for the creators, and the actors and actresses who portrayed these characters.
This story is in no way meant to reflect on the actual lives or life styles of the actors and actresses who portrayed the characters
All original characters are copyrighted by the author. Do NOT use without specific permission
Warnings:





Translations for Frau's German are at the bottom of the story.

Knick, Knack, Paddywack




Scott rolled over on his belly, stretching luxuriously. "Hey, Austin... sorry about your sheets, man, but hell--you must've been figuring on a wet spot, right?"




Krycek stretched out beside him on his back. "Cold water, gentle cycle and a teeny bit of baking soda in the rinse, to give them that fresh scent."




"Yo, Alex? Howsabout...?" Scott wiggled his fingers.




"Oh, yeah. Right." Alex bounded up. Krycek was as comfortable in his own skin as most people were in sloppy sweats. Mulder and Austin both gaped. Neither one had ever seen anyone move so casually and confidently while totally in the buff, and what a buff buff it was.




Krycek found his pants and dug in the pocket, coming up with the handcuff key, then unlocked the bracelets. Scott rubbed his wrists, which were encircled by faint pink welts. "Thanks, dude. That was startin' to get real." Alex took one of his hands and kissed the swollen area in apology.




Austin said hopefully, "You mean he's not under arrest?"




Mulder sighed. "Austin, we've been had."




"No we haven't, baby. That's the whole problem, as I see it. I know I haven't been had, and I didn't notice you being had, and I know for damn sure I didn't have anybody. onl only one I think who can technically be said to have been had is Scott--lucky bastard."




Scott sat up. "As much a'd l'd like to listen to you babble, I need to clean up." He looked at Alex. "Ya know, that shower is big enough for two."




Krycek grinned. "We could extend the role playing a little."




"Like how?"




"New prisoner in the showers with horny boss con?"




Scott frowned. "That's a little too close to what my Dad actually predicted for me. How about star quarterback and water boy after the big game?"




"Make it quarterback and tight end and you got it." Scott sniggered all the way to the bathroom, only breaking off with a yelp when Krycek goosed him.




Mulder and Austin stared after them, then looked at each other. They both cleared their throats at the same time. Austin finally said, with great bravado, "I was just playing along."




Mulder nodded quickly. "Me, too."




Scott's voice floated out from the bathroom. "Assholes."




Krycek was heard to answer, "Now, now--if it makes them feel better to pretend..." There was the sound of running water, then a loud, falsly bright, "Whoops! Dropped the soap. Get it for me, wouldya, Scott?"




"Sure, dude. Ya know, you didn't strike me as that clums... Yow! Damn, already?" Austin and Mulder started drifting, as casually as possible, toward the bathroom.




They stopped when a dripping wet Krycek poked his head out the door. "One of you guys toss me a condom, huh? I don't want to drip all over that lovely shag rug. So hard to get the fibers to stand up again, you know."




"Unlike other things we could name!" Scott yelled.




"Shut up or I'm gagging you with the washcloth, and I'd prefer to have your mouth free." Fox a rua rubber from the night stand, went over, and pressed it into Alex's hand. "Thanks, buddy. Ya know, Fox, I have to thank you. I thought this was going to be a frustrating weekend, and it's not." He let his eyes drop to the prominent bulge in Mulder's pants and smirked, "Well, not for me, anyway." Alex ducked back in, shutting the door.




In a moment they heard a burst of laughter. "Oh, man!" Scott chortled. "Glow in the dark? Cut the lights off!"




"And risk one of us breaking his neck? Don't think so. You'll just have to use that funky little imagination of yours. Hold still." There was a long groahen hen the sounds of wet flesh slapping together.




Fox turned away, shaking his head and muttering, "And I thought he was prissy."




Austin Powers listened to the grunts and moans that were now emenating from the bathroom, and eyed Mulder. He sidled closer, and peeked up at the taller man, wigg his his eyebrows. "Well, what shall we do now?"




Mulder looked back at the noisy bathroom, then down at Austin, expressionless. He sighed. "You say you have Peyton Place?"

~~**~~**~~**~~


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