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Reviews for One More

By : pewpew

From hawthorne on September 29, 2010
Is Amelia feeling a little Mary Sue in this chapter?
only in a good way... you good good empathy for a woman in her situation surviving and also prospering

moira hawthorne: BTW, is there a story behind your name? I've been wondering about it.
a story? sortta... but im not sure in the way you mean... moira is my birth name... its the Anglicized version of the ancient Celtic name Morag (which means stubborn (mor = great/high - the sea) (ag = will)) and hawthorne is my craft/religious confirmation name (which is a beautiful but stubborn tree/bush often used for hedges b/c of its sharp thorns - its also one of the scared faery woods)
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From DeathGodDist on September 28, 2010
Amazing! This story just keeps on giving goodness. Your narratives are becoming more and more detailed and even more interesting. I totally loved all the exposition and exploration of Val'jek's past and his dealings with the priestesses and how that ties into Mah'sic and Cov'o's stories. You couldn't help but feel awful for Cov'o and you really wrote home the hopeless situation he is in regarding his child. I definitely do not think Amelia is a "Mary Sue" type character. Like others have said she is just being supportive which is indeed keeping in character for her since that is what she set out to do by inviting Cov'o to the dinner to try to get to the bottom of his situation. As far as I can see Amelia hasn't done anything really of that "Mary Sue" type from my perspective of it.

I'm just still amazed at how much you've written and we haven't gotten to the major point in the story when Val'jek leaves. That's going to be the act I'm looking forward to a lot when he's away. I have so many ideas on what can happen to Amelia especially, since she'll be most affected by his departure. I can actually envision her whole personality changing because of it since it would be so traumatic for her. So in that case I could see her doing things very out of character. (personally I think she should sleep with as many people as possible, but that's my pervy side talking, heh) :)

Again, job very well done. I can't wait for more.
-DGD
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From girlyhero on September 27, 2010
OH SNAP!! I forgot Val'jek told Raz'ha he could knock her up! I had stare at chapter eleven for-freakin-ever before that dawned on me. Oh, shit, that's gonna get interesting. I really can't wait to see what you're going to do with that. I know in cannon, as far as internet declares, there are a few ways to get it to work, and the "cleaning her blood" thing has my gears going. This is gonna drive me nuts now. You. *shakes finger* You are good. XD
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From girlyhero on September 27, 2010
Mary Sue?
I, personally, think you're alright in that department. Anything MarySue that's came up is subtle and fits. Amelia giving him advise on emotional matters like that is more of a plot device, and is more interesting than her nodding and saying "That's just so sad"-- what it would be if you removed all MarySue quality. Then all that's left is a mopey Val'jek, and I know none of us want that. Now, if you had Bosch smack the shit out of her and then everyone comes to her rescue in some hokey manner and oh-my-god-are-you-okay-we-love-you! THAT it is BAD MarySueing. But I have faith in your writing that you wouldn't do something so silly.
I believe all original characters are Mary Sue. It's to what degree. If you don't MarySue some, the character is just bland and static. When one writes sci-fi/fantasy they HAVE TO crawl through the MarySue traits and pick up a few. The goal set on MarySue was to keep writers in check-- to make them better writers. There is no rule in MarySue that says you can't use any of the stereotypes. There is a reason they're stereotypes-- someone has to reflect a few, just not ALL of them at once, and that's where MarySue issues arise. The main thing to consider: is this natural for the character? I'm not saying s/he cannot have unnatural qualities, but if it is natural, then there's little for concern. If it's natural for your character to be telepathic, then you're okay.
Something I've discussed with others before is, in the Predator/AvP fandoms, it's so hard to avoid MarySue criteria. I think it lays in two things: 1) nearly ALL MS Litmus tests don't work for this fandom, and 2) there are only two kinds of female, human characters that are remotely interesting/fit the purpose of the stories-- tough or weak-- and both always wind up Mary Sues to some degree. The problem is most are not working with cannon characters but cannon concepts/definitions (the race, the culture, &t.), and that's where those Litmus tests fuck it all up eight-ways to Sunday.
I have had so much experience with MarySueing from writing to rping to editing. Believe me when I say that you are sitting in that nice, cozy place where everyone wants to be on the MarySue-front. Most people who scream "You're MarySueing!" are probably not too familiar with this fandom-- at least not with writing it.
You are keeping your audience. That is the goal of any writer. Whether you're original or fanfiction. So, as always, keep up the GOOD WORK-- because that is what this story.
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From DagdothFliesh on September 27, 2010
I honestly don't think she's mary-sue here, if she were, she'd be flying around with daggers and beating up the yautja, lolol. But oh, the plot thickens, this chapter was really intense! I'm getting worried about what will happen when Raz'ha figures out that Amelia can't get preggers, and what will happen when Val'jek.

Otherwise you'll be happy to know I did a huge fist-pump in the air and a irish jig when I saw the story was updated! :D This made my day.
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From DagdothFliesh on September 16, 2010
I love it! :D :D :D I like how everything's working together like a puzzle. Hopefully you update soon! I've been waiting for the next chapter for a month!
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From Recordkeeper on September 07, 2010
also.... he lied to Rah'za? (sorry if i spelled that wrong) cause he said she could have babies and stated in the last chapter that she couldnt. I mean i understand that whole inter species thing. but still. did he intentionally lie to him? whats the deal with that?
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From Recordkeeper on September 07, 2010
So there is dancing. I assume there was music. Im too lazy to go back and read. is there singing? I would be very interested to hear their take on a human singing and what she thinks of them singing. If there is such a thing in their culture. If you mentioned it i didnt see it. Ive read through the story twice now. Anywho i love this story so far. you arent making her all mary sue so im happy. I love how she views things. And how the Yautja view her as well. Please keep writing this is a most interesting read.
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From torturequeen06 on August 28, 2010
I really loved this chapter. All the drama that's going on and how you tie it all together is just perfect. And that sex scene was really good. I really can't wait to see how that dinner is going to go.
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From ichigokage on August 23, 2010
I did love the Yautja version of rather tender mating. >:3 I do hope Amelia throws poor Raz'ha a bone soon!

He hasn't been laid in 10 chapters!!! He deserves it. And that lil blow job doesn't really count but he did ejoy it.

I liked Predators, hey, at least we saw Classic in chains! >:D *drools*
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From DeathGodDist on August 19, 2010
I'm still here :)

And I'm so loving the mystery and intrigue surrounding Co'vo and what he's all about. I like how Amelia is trying to do good and get him and his father talking, but I have a feeling it won't be so simple as that. Things are getting good with the farewell banquet coming up and then the goodbyes, I'm definitely looking forward to what is coming.

And of course, your inventive use of the "healing salve" deserves two big thumbs up :D

-DGD
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From girlyhero on August 19, 2010
The Chase is always the best part of Yautja mating and one of the reasons I love reading PredFanFiction. I was giggling like a schoolgirl and frightening my husband because of this chapter! This is awesome! I've also noticed your vocabulary and diction are expanding. The more you write, the better at it you get :D
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From hawthorne on August 18, 2010
11... well I think it was a fun chapter... the banquet/goin away party/dinner is gonna be interestin
Im lookin forward to the next chapter
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From ANON - G on August 18, 2010
i'm still reading! Don't quit now :-D It's a great story and I want MORE!!!
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From ANON - Ali on July 19, 2010
This is one of my fav Pred stories. It is very well written and all of your characters are great even the not so likable ones. I can't wait to find out all the juicy secrets and watch as the puppies grow up. I also hope that Valjek comes back alive because that would just be sad if he didn't. Ahh now I'm rambling. Great story and please update soon.
Laters ^_^
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