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The Doctors ARE IN!	By : aliceandmyraspencer Category: G through L > Hellraiser (All) > Hellraiser (All) Views: 875 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Don’t own Hellraiser or House MD or Nightmare On Elm Street, Sims, Kyle XY, TMNT and Never Ending Story since it’s a crossover of all of them. Don’t know Rammstein or Muse, purely fiction, make no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 1-The Doctors ARE IN!
- 1
Title: The Doctors ARE IN!
Disclaimer: Don't own Hellraiser or House MD or Nightmare On Elm Street, Sims, Kyle XY, TMNT and Never Ending Story since it's a crossover of all of them. Don't know Rammstein or Muse, purely fiction, make no profit from this. AN: Also the sequel of the story "Why So Serious?" The only mention of Kyle XY is when Kyle and Jessie are mentioned. THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A WACKY STORY ON PURPOSE! Alice and Myra are Pinhead's daughters in this story, just like in our story "Why So Serious?" because it's the sequel...if you hadn't already guessed that.
They both sat on a different branch each, as to not let one break under their combined weights. Being so high up they knew that no mortal would bother them, which is just what they wanted. They needed to be alone, away from people for a while. Hence why they left both London and Las Vegas, they needed the peace that only solitary confinement would provide: only they choose not to go to their rooms in hell, it brought up too many harsh and recent memories. Instead they choose to live it on the top of a tall tree located somewhere in Washington state and each laying down on a branch.
Alice had been quiet for a little while and Myra was starting to get worried. Alice's thoughts must have been dark for her to be so silent and Myra was trying to give her space by not invading them. But it never hurts to ask, or distract her for a moment. "Alice, tell me about the guy you think that's on your ceiling in your room in hell," Myra asked.
Their eyes met briefly, Alice's deep blue at the moment and Myra's silver. Alice rolled her eyes as she positioned herself on her back and stared up at the bleak grey sky. "He's real, sissy. He's not fake. I didn't make him up. He's too cute anyway.”
"Well, tell me about him. Do you know him?"
"He kind of looks like Doom."
"The video game?" Myra asked. She knew she should have taken Alice's games away for a while; they'd start to take over her sisters' mind sooner or later. Next thing we know something from Resident Evil will occur in their lives.
"No, silly. Christoph. You know, Schneidy-pants. Big blue eyes. Sex on legs. Rammstein?"
Myra made a face. She tried to picture what his legs looked like to make them 'sexy' but she kept thinking 'silver is over'. Well Doom, sliver ISN'T OVER! Just look at Alice's shiny toes. Painted silver with the word MUSE written on 4 toes. Quickly she went back to the topic. "Since when do you call him sex on legs?"
"I didn't say it."
"You just did."
"But you said it Myra."
"I'd never say such a thing!" Of course she wouldn't. She couldn't. He was practically family...considering that he was the only other half cenobite around and shared hers and Alice's passion for hating what the cenobites did to them to make them, well, half cenobites and kind of cursed. And plus, he wasn't interested in her anyway, he was married.
Myra shook her head at Alice as Alice started counting the leaves above her while singing a Muse song quietly to herself. Sometimes, Myra really wondered how the hell she and Alice were one soul at one point. There was almost no similarities between them at all, but then again, Myra WAS created to be Alice's opposite. So maybe there was just no thought to really put into it. Just accept it and avoid the head ache. Almost like avoiding all Mathew Bellamy questions. Or Muse for that matter. Or chocolate. Chocolate is a topic that should be avoided if not present.
Looking up at the sky Alice noticed how peaceful the clouds looked and mentally took a note on how one cloud looked like Mathew Bellamy's face. Later she'd draw a picture of him flying in the sky eating a doughnut while having his pager go off. It would be so pretty once she was done. But now she was getting sleepy and Kyle and Jessie did tell her that sleep was always good, it helped their computer-like brains to function so why not hers? They did know best, being super-humans and all. Quickly glancing at Myra she stated, "Myra, I'ma go take a nap. Wake me up a quarter to June." Instantly she fell asleep, not waiting to hear what Myra said.
Myra looked at her twin slightly confused. "A quarter to...ALICE! There's no such thing as a quarter to June! June's a month, not a time! Alice! Come on! It's December! Grrr!" Sticking her hand in her pants (not the pockets by the way) Myra grabbed the first thing that she could find (which was a hammer) and threw it at Alice's head only to be knocked unconscious because she forgot to turn the 'on/off' switch that they had, to 'off'. Officially, both girls were sleeping in the tallest tree they could in the middle of Forks Washington. It's a miracle that neither of them had fallen off their branches yet.
***
The wind blew their hair all over their faces as they drove in their powder blue Prius down the highway with the windows down. Alice's deep purple stood out compared to the black with green stripes that Myra had. Normally Myra had green hair, but it was time for her to change her hair, instead of Alice being the one to change all the time.
Alice was dressed in a black and red plaid school girl skirt that had a skinny black leather and silver studded belt hanging from it for looks. On her feet were hot pink socks and rainbow elevator shoes. Her shirt was a black button up with many Muse patches that were written in hot pink patched on to it. Bright pink skull earrings dangled from her ear lobes as the wind moved them and around her neck was a hot pink plastic studded collar, she wasn't allowed to have real studs since the last time she had them she kept poking her finger and making it bleed. Black lipstick and eye shadow finished her look. But then again, she was holding down a dirty brown fedora hat to keep it on her head with one hand.
Myra wore her natural colors of green and black with a hint of silver. Like she said, silver isn't over Doom. She wore a thin dark green long sleeve shirt with a black vest over it that had silver designs like The Lament Configuration that Alice was currently playing with in one hand. Silver crescent moon earrings dangled from her ears and a combination of light green and silver eye shadow donned her eyes and black lips that were blacker than the foulest witch on her smile. As for shorts she wore black Hot Topic ones that had black and silver chains randomly placed to give her a more 'don't fuck with me' look and black and green stripped socks that went all the way up to her knees with dark green converse on her feet. The collar around her neck was a Rammstein symbol and the wrist band on her left side read LP. Just to finish it off every single one of her fingernails were sparkly silver.
Still driving Myra asked, "Alice, where are we going?" Alice opened up her backpack, after setting the little puzzle box down, that was between her feet and pulled out the map to see where she'd circled a random spot. Unfolding it once she noticed the words 'YOU'RE FUCKED' right above the circled words 'PRINSTON GENERAL HOSPITAL'. She also noticed that there was a peanut butter stain on her hand and licked it off before answering. "The map says we're fucked."
Looking over at her twin in confusion she lifted an eyebrow. "What? Hey, where'd you get that hat?"
"I woke up it was on top of my head. I don't know, I put it on. Apparently it belonged to a Fred Krueger but too bad. I liked his shiny knives but I woke up before I could get to them." The sound of a roaring engine caught both their attentions and they looked to their right and noticed an old couple in a very fast car speeding up and going past them, taunting them as if to try and race them. Instantly Alice's foot crashed onto Myra's, making the car speed up. "SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEED RACER!" she yelled as she attempted to race the old couple. She wondered for a second if they were older than dirt because they looked so old wrinkly and smelly.
The weight Alice was putting on Myra's foot was unbearable, especially with the elevator shoes. "Alice get your foot off my foot!"
"NO! I wanna race the old people!" she wined and pressed harder, nearly breaking Myra's foot in the process. Myra actually prayed to god that she wouldn't have to beat her sister for this moment in life.
Sadly enough the older people were going much faster and decided to flip the girls off as they made a speedy get away. Alice was brought to tears at the thought of loosing. Quickly she was quieted down as a chocolate chip cookie was shoved in her mouth and she forgot about the whole experience.
Myra's aching foot throbbed but she continued driving, taking the next exit and driving for the next 23 minutes in silence until they reached the front door of the hospital that Alice had mentioned earlier. Taking a moment to check and see if Alice was awake she noticed that she'd fallen asleep with half the cookie eaten and in her mouth with some drool coming off the side. Reaching over into the backpack Myra pulled out the map that had gotten crumpled from Alice shoving it back in without folding it nicely and opened it up to see it did in fact say "YOU'RE FUCKED" and she replied "Oh, really? Well I'm not interested," and made sure that they were at the right address by seeing the address. They were. Quickly she tore up the map into little bits and pieces.
Alice suddenly opened her eyes after a nice wonderful dream about going to a Muse concert and the first thing she saw was little tid-bits of paper. "Confetti!" she exclaimed with excitement as she took it from Myra and threw it in the air. Most of it fell in Myra's hair. "It's so pretty sissy. Like snow..."
"Well I'm glad you like it because you're cleaning it up. I'll meet you inside."
With that settled Myra quickly got out of the car and started walking inside, faintly hearing her sister talk to the confetti. "Let's see. You belong over there with that one because you're about the same size. Oh, you belong over here because you're cute. Mmmm...you're kind of torn into oddly shaped black spikes. I think I'll call you Richard and this one over here I think I'll name Bellamy....Myra look its Bellamy!!!" And so on and so forth until Myra couldn't hear her anymore.
When she got to the front desk she was about to open her mouth and speak to the receptionist until the man held up his hand signaling that he'd be with her in a moment. Nodding her head in agreement she walked away, remembering that she actually had no reason to be in the hospital, it was just a destination that Alice had circled. With that in mind she continued to walk around.
Wandering through the hospital she viewed the various rooms that either had patients or busy doctors that didn't even notice her when she stood and stared for a minute until she moved on. Casually walking on she'd just looked up at the ceiling when all of a sudden she bumped into someone. "Oh I'm sorry," Myra apologized as she gazed up at the taller woman with long black curly hair and stunning blue eyes who wore a sexy black skirt suit and a white lab coat with a clip board in her hand. For some reason, Myra felt she knew this person.
"You're late," the dark haired woman replied swiftly. "Dr. Myra Spencer, I assume? Or are you Dr. Alice Spencer? Either way if you're one of them then that makes my job easier."
'Doctor?' Myra thought. Quickly she ran through all the possible reasons why she was here and how this woman knew her and why she assumed that she was a doctor. At the moment her mind felt fuzzy and the only thing she could even remotely think how all this tied in together was her Uncle Channard. After all, he did teach her and Alice everything he knew about being a doctor, even the human kind, so maybe he set the whole thing up. That, and he did give them certificates to be cenobite doctors so technically they were. "Uh, I guess."
The dark haired woman raised an eyebrow at Myra's bleak answer. "You guess you're Dr. Myra Spencer or you guess you're Dr. Alice Spencer? Please don't play games Ms. Spencer, I've already got one person on my staff that thinks everything's a game for him,' she said briskly, going through all her papers until she pulled out 2 forms and handed them to her.
Shaking her head Myra smiled politely and apologized and took the forms. "I'm sorry; my mind is on my sister. I'm Dr. Myra Spencer and the crazy girl with purple hair would be my twin and colleague Alice. Please call us by our first names so there's no confusion. Um, can I ask why being me makes your job easier?"
"I'm Dr. Lisa Cuddy by the way. It's easier because now I've found you and you and your sister can fill out these forms and start immediately. According to your records that we have from The Channard institute you both are fully capable of doing the required jobs of basically treating the nut-jobs, I mean patients that have mental and physical issues. And since we've opened up that department and no one else has the qualifications you're both automatically hired. Now go do your jobs before I fire you." With that the woman swiftly turned around and walked away. Myra rubbed her head as she watched the woman disappear behind a corner. Suddenly her head ached and she was in need of some strong asprin. 'I wonder where that twin of mine is,' she briefly wondered, surprised that for once she couldn't think clearly enough to track the girl down.
*
Alice on the other hand, was having the time of her life. First she tried playing Super Twister with one hand while holding onto her new hat and with the people that came in but that didn't work out so well. It's a good thing they were in a hospital already. But other than that she was still having the time of her life. Why? She was now playing in an elevator keeping herself busy instead of becoming claustrophobic. And what was she playing with in the elevator? The radio speaker thing. Why was she playing with the radio speaker thing? Because she hates elevator music, that's why. And plus, the elevator needed to have more of a beat to it.
Once she connected the red wire to the yellow wire and attached that to her cable that hooked up to her mp3 player she turned it on. The first song was Time Is Running Out but she wasn't in the mood for that. Clicking the 'next' button she sighed with pleasure as 'Hysteria' filled the room. Slowly the guitar build up was making her gently rock to the beat and soothingly close her eyes for a second as she let the music fill her, make her complete. Muse always made her feel complete.
When she opened her eyes she took notice that she hadn't pressed any buttons but they were all lit up at the same time yet she seemed to be going down past the floors that the elevator should have stopped at. Ignoring that, her eyes traveled down and noticed how the carpet was Christmas colored with green and red stripes. "Ooooo! Pretty! Maybe I should cut it out and put it as the seating for the car using paste," she thought out loud. Digging into her pants (not the pockets, mind you) she retrieved a silver spoon and started to try and cut the carpet out.
As she was cutting away, the door to the elevator opened and revealed what appeared to be a boiler room but she took no notice of it and continued hacking away with the chocolate stained spoon. After 4 seconds she got distracted and just stared at the carpets pretty colors. Around twenty minutes went by and she was still staring at the floor with the door still open, she saw a dirty brown boot come into her line of vision and started tapping away immediately, as if it was agitated. "What the hell is taking you so long?" the boot asked her (or so she thought). "You were supposed to-"
"Shhh! This is the good part Mr. Boot!" she cut him off whispering, still staring at the floor as if it were the best TV show ever.
Fred Kruger looked at the floor and wondered what she was talking about. Then he realized that she called him Mr. Boot. Looking up at her he noticed that she had his hat on her head, the same hat he had lost not too long ago. "Hey, that's MY hat! And my name isn't Mr. Boot, it's Freddy Kruger!" he yelled at her. Quickly he swiped his ungloved hand at her to get his hat but she evaded him by slipping out of the elevator and gazed up at the pipes.
Alice's eyes lit up with wonder as she gazed at the pipes that had steam coming off them. It reminded her of the time she went into the sewer to find the teenage mutant ninja turtles, the movies did say that they lived in the sewer. As she continued to stare at the wet pipes she easily moved out of the creepy burned man's way as he tried to swipe her with his sharp butter knives. As soon as her attention went to him her eyes popped out of her head as she looked at his sweater, managing to scare Freddy since they nearly touched him. "EW!" he shrieked like a little girl.
"OH MY GOD OF WAR! I WANT THAT SWEATER! Can I have it?" she asked as she charged at him and proceeded to remove his sweater from him without his permission. She removed it so fast that he didn't even notice that it was gone until she put it on over her clothes.
"Hey you little bitch, that's my hat and sweater! Give 'em back!" he yelled at her, sticking out his glove in a threatening manner.
Upon seeing the sharp pointy glove Alice instantly knew she had to have it. "Oooooo! I like your glove! Mine now!" she squealed in excitement as she stole his glove as well. Soon everything he owned on his body was no longer there, with the exception of the pink girly panties he was wearing, Alice already had the pair he wore.
She felt ecstatic. She had so many new things and toys that she got from the creepy crispy burned guy that she couldn’t wait to show Myra all of it. Myra might take away her new glove but as long as she got it back later Alice didn't mind, the new sweater would cheer her up. Christmas did tend to do that.
Freddy was seething. No, seething didn't cover it. Freddy was going into demonic mode and it wasn't just because he was standing there in a pair of little girls underwear that he was positive he wasn’t wearing before he'd met this bitch. One of his main reasons for being pissed off enough to go demonic was that for some reason he couldn't manipulate this bitch's dream at all, he couldn't even make new clothes appear on himself! "Now look here you stupid little bitch, if you don't give me back my shit I'll take it from you and make your life a REAL nightmare." As he spoke he noticed that the girl had tears coming in her eyes that turned blue as they left her eyes. 'Wait, she's supposed to cry AFTER I cut her up. What's with this chick?' he thought.
Alice let out a shriek that matched any 5 year olds temper tantrum, if not, it was worse because she made his ears bleed from the force of it. She knew she was a little on the slow side but he didn't have to be so MEAN to her and call her STUPID. It's like Till said, no one hurts Alice and right now she was wishing the big teddy bear would come all the way from Germany and kick the crispy guy's butt. 'Hehe...crispy...Kruspe...hehe, crispy Kruspe...Oh I should tell Richard that one!' she thought, slightly getting off track of being sad. But as soon as her mental giggle fest started it ended as the mean guy tried to take away her shiny new toy and stuff. Suddenly her tears started up again. If the mean guy wanted to play like a bully, he was going to get treated like a bully. "FALCORRRRRRRRRRRR!" she yelled, calling forth the luck dragon she'd met briefly after taking a trip to Fantasia.
Falcor instantly landed near Alice, almost bumping her and making her fall. The big dog-headed dragon needed to remember how huge he was. "What can I do for you Alice?" he asked sounding like he was high with his slow voice.
She ran to him and hugged the giant white ball of fluff. "OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO FLUFFY!" she squealed. "See that Krusp-I mean crisp-I mean ugly burned guy? Eat him. Or do something to him. I don't know do your luck thing that's what you're good for. Hehe, maybe I can get lucky with a new co-worker." Instantly her thoughts turned as dark as Angelique's-NEVER MIND!
Freddy stopped in mid run as he heard the roar of the luck dragon Falcor. He knew from the good dreams of all the pesky little brats on Elm Street that that thing was not good news for bad guys. "Oh shit," he whispered as the big white dog headed dragon chomped him up and took him away.
As she listened to the ugly burned guy's voice scream in agony Alice started feeling slightly tired. Retreating to the elevator again she got inside and pressed all the buttons as she looked down at the floor. Once the door closed the screaming and chomping sounds couldn't be heard anymore. Rubbing her tired eyes she blinked several times, maybe 150, before she realized that the doors had opened and she was staring the most handsome guy in a white lab coat that she'd ever seen. Instantly she felt like she was in love as her heart thudded uncontrollably as he walked away looking at some files. 'Must. Chase. Hot guy.' Her brain thought as she followed the dark chestnut haired man. She made sure to check out his ass in the process. One must know if its pinch able.
*
Myra was going through hallways twice to make sure she got the feel of things and knew where everything was considering that her sister would ask her EXACTLY where the nearest soda pop machine was that not only had MUG Root Beer, but the 60 cent cans, not the 35 cent cans that are generic but the REAL kind. If it was generic Alice would not only not drink it, she'd throw it at someone's kneecap. Generic and Alice don't mix well.
Just as she took a left she stepped on something and ended up falling flat on her ass. The sounds of what could only be described as a narcissistic bastard laughing filled her ears as a somewhat older man with a cane limped next to her. As she got up on her elbows she saw that he had graying hair, a wooden blue cane with flames on it and he wore a pair of blue jeans that had a rip in the knee with a black tshirt that said Metallica on it and a blue suit coat. He was still laughing as he bent down and picked up on the item she'd slipped on, a smile on his face beaming at her as he came back to a stand. "You should watch where you're walking. Never know when hazardous objects might become your demise," he giggled like a child in his 40's.
Myra lifted her left eyebrow as she noticed that it was anything BUT hazardous: it was a damn grey and red fuzzy ball about 6 inches in diameter. The way he spoke also made her think that he’d spent too much time with Alice but that couldn't be the case. "I'd ask if you did it on purpose, but that would probably seem stupid." 'And unlikely.'
"Yes. It would be stupid, bearing in mind if you'd paid attention to the last 3 hallways you'd strolled down you would have noticed that I'd been in every one of them and that the ball was OBVIOUSLY headed in your path when I rolled it that way. And just in case you're so inept and don't understand the implication of my rant the answer is: yes, I did it on purpose. I had to get your attention SOMETIME this year." From his tone he made it sound like it was her fault for the whole thing.
She didn't know whether to take that as an insult or a complement since he'd been trying to get her attention. What she DID know is that he rolled a ball in her path on purpose and made her trip, fall and land on her ass. And that ladies and gentlemen, is something Myra likes to call: being rude. Gathering her wits about her she carefully stood up, dusted her vest off and smiled lightly at the guy. Then she smacked him in the back of the head and took his ball from him since she figured that stealing it was better than beating the handicapped. The result from both was satisfactory.
House didn't know what to think when he saw her hand coming at him. At first he thought she was going to pat him on the back and laugh a little since she wasn't harmed at all. But then she punched him out of the blue and it ACTUALLY hurt. It took a lot to hurt him since being a werewolf has its benefits but he still had to ACT like a *cough* older *cough* human, including fake hurting. Strangely enough that punch/hit to the back of his head was strong enough to actually leave a bruise. Instantly he saw her as his main target for annoying/mentally challenging. 'She's got a nice ass to follow around all day anyway,' the pervert thought.
As Myra held the ball in her hand, she couldn't help but suddenly feeling...playful. This was a side of her that was potentially dangerous to others, especially considering that she was the better half of Alice's soul and also the responsible one who had to be the 'adult' in the relationship they had in their weird sister-twin-same soul bond that they had. But none of that mattered at the moment as she saw the shocked look on this guys face and actually found it...attractive. She started to get the feeling that this guy always seemed to get his way. "You want the ball back?" she asked in a teasing manner as she made sure every time he reached for it she'd move it out of his grasp. "Then come and get it," she whispered as she walked away in a fast pace.
Watching the hot chick with green in her hair run off with his ball he smirked as he pulled out a bag that was in her pocket and examined it. His sneaky hands took it when she wasn't looking. The contents inside it made him raise his eyebrows in wonder as he read the label "Myra's Cornbread: HAZZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH." He wondered what kind of insane woman would label a mere bag of goodies hazardous. He only had to think about it for a second and came to the conclusion that he'd do it just to throw people off. Especially Cuddy, the woman needs a good mind boggle every now and then since the woman refuses to sleep with him.
Once she made it to another hallway Myra laughed as she tossed the ball back and forth between her hands. So far her day had been excellent. The drive here was interesting, meeting the new boss was good and to top it off, she stole some older guy's ball. This called for a celebration. Reaching into her left vest pocket she withdrew her green cell phone and called Alice's phone. It range once before Alice picked up with a whispered voice. "Do you see him?" Alice asked quietly.
"See who?" Myra asked in turn as she looked around to make sure Alice wasn't playing a prank on her.
"The hot guy." Oh yeah Alice, that really helps.
"What hot guy?" 'Please let her not be grabbing his ass whoever he is!' Myra silently begged.
"The one in a lab coat, silly."
"Alice, we're in a hospital. There are a lot of guys in lab coats."
"But he's the one wearing one coat so that should narrow it down," she countered innocently. By now Alice was openly starring at the 'hot guy' and was observing his crotch as he folded his arms and starred at her in question.
*
Dr. James Wilson lightly tapped his foot as he watched this girl with purple hair and a weird looking brown hat and strange outfit openly stare at his crotch 5 feet away from him while talking on the phone. She was beautiful, he’d give her that, but did she have to be so...OPEN about her actions?
He decided to take matters into his own hands just when Cuddy came up to him and pulled him aside for a second. "That's Alice Spencer, one of the new residents. Make sure she knows where the cafeteria is. I just got a call from Dr. Channard that it's a wise idea that she knows where the nearest food court is. The one with some sort of green fungus looking stuff in her hair is Myra Spencer so be nice to them." With that the tall, independent woman went back to work leaving a slightly shocked Wilson looking back at Alice as she was still starring at his crotch.
'She's the new resident?' he thought as he observed her beautiful features and insane attire. She almost looked like a female version of Dr. House by the way she was dressed so unprofessionally. 'Maybe she's not as bad though,' he hoped. And as soon as she got off the phone he knew that the chances of that happening were practically gone when she spoke. "Hi, I'm Dr. James Wilson, I'm an Oncologist here." Being polite he stuck out his hand for her to shake. He didn't get it back so easily as she shook it for several minutes.
"I'm Alice and you have pretty eyes. Can I have them?" she asked in wonder as she poked his nose. At this point she'd completely forgotten that she was on the phone with Myra and hung up with her.
Wilson didn't know what to say so he just shook his head. He didn't know if she was being serious or not. Being a day-walking vampire he'd come across many strange things, but so far this girl was the strangest. He hoped that he wouldn't get hungry for blood later and want to suck hers. It'd be a shame to waste such a nice (so far) girl.
Alice saw a piece of what appeared to be cookie crumbs on his coat and started picking at them and putting them in her mouth, moaning in pleasure as she tasted the faint flavor of chocolate chip. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head as her senses took over, mostly her taste buds.
Slowly opening her eyes and gazing into the cute guy's pretty brown eyes she burped. "Excuse me for that, but now I need to find a vent." For some reason, even beyond her knowledge, Alice felt even more random than normal. Maybe she was getting sick or having some sort of Cenobite flu. Oh well.
"A vent?" he asked, slightly confused. He needed to show her where the cafeteria was so he could hurry up and get some lunch before his next scheduled surgery.
Alice looked up at the ceiling as she answered him, using a thoughtful tone. "Yeah, I need to hide in the men's bathroom's vent. You wouldn't believe how peaceful it is in there, Myra can't take away my Sims game when I'm in there. Unless of course she comes in after me and takes my shoes but that's ok. Hey! Maybe you should come with me. I know I saw a men's bathroom around here somewhere!" she squealed excitedly. She'd even started jumping up and down to show how excited she was becoming. That was, until her stomach growled in hunger.
Pulling out her best 'little-kid' face she gave Wilson the most teary eyes he'd ever seen. They seemed sadder than a kitten begging for food. "Mr., can you pweas show me where I can get food?"
Giving up on trying to figure her out he just accepted her the way she was as he took her soft hand in his and walked her to the cafeteria. "Sure. I need to get a lunch at the cafeteria anyway before I go into surgery."
"Surgery's fun," she commented thinking of her Uncle Channard when he taught her that amputation is very exciting.
They walked for a few minutes while talking about random things. Wilson was actually starting to like this girl, as scary as it seemed that she was a more crazy and insane version of House. But so far she hadn't messed with him so he could see them being good friends. Maybe he'd ask her out on a date if she seemed interested. When they opened the door to the cafeteria the found it surprisingly empty with the exception of Myra and House in somewhat of a fight.
*
It didn't take Myra long after Alice hung up to realize that the guy with the cane had taken her most dangerous object she had on her. Which led up to her chasing him down and finding him in the cafeteria about to open the bag and eat it. Instantly she made everyone else leave before trying to retrieve the stolen item.
Once everyone left it was on: she pounced on him, knocking him over and made a grab for the bag. "Give it back!" she yelled while getting up.
House knocked her on the head with his cane as his answer. "No. You stole my ball so I stole your cornbread. And what kind of weirdo labels their food hazardous? The answer: the kind with green in their hair. Do you even wash it?" he insulted her. Holding the bag up over his head he watched in amusement as she tried to jump up and get it.
"Yes I wash my hair! It's dye, you moron. Now give it back before you hurt yourself OLD MAN." Myra was starting to get fed up to the point where she forgot her manners. She didn't even think to use her powers to get it back. The man's height was intimidating her.
"Give me back my ball and I will."
"Fine," she agreed as she pulled the ball out of the back of her pants. By now if people didn't notice, she could stuff anything down in there. Once she stuffed Alice in there and couldn't find her for 2 days, even when she took the pants off. Hogwarts taught her a LOT of things.
Deciding to give the girl a break he took his ball back and handed her the cornbread. But as soon as it was in her hands she took his cane from him, a sinister look on her face. "Hey! We had a deal."
"And I lived up to my end. But you shouldn't have taken that so now it's payback. You'll get it back when you deserve it." Turning around she saw that Alice was giggling behind her hand and stood next to what she assumed was 'the hot guy'. "There you are, Alice."
Walking over to her sister Myra handed the cane over to Alice to observe it. Alice's eyes filled with wonder as she saw the flames on the wooden cane. "Ooo, is this for me?"
"No but you can hold on to it for me. It's that guy's over there," Myra said using her thumb to point behind her.
House limped over to the group and smiled over to Wilson. Maybe his friend would help him out to walk. As much as he liked fooling around with the girl, he still needed to walk around. His leg injury was actually real enough to where it couldn't heal properly. "Wilson help me out here."
"I would but I don't think you'll be getting it back anytime soon. This girl wanted to take my eyes out a few minutes ago because they were 'pretty'."
"I told you to stop going to those feminine classes you weenie. It's turning you into a lady."
"I am NOT a lady house. God, why do you have to be so rude and obnoxious and annoying and persistent and downright scheming?" Wilson asked. Myra quickly looked between the two men to make sure they weren't talking about Alice. Alice WAS a schemer and all those other traits too.
Alice was starting to feel left out of the conversation so she decided to bring up Myra's bad traits. "Yeah, and Myra why do you have to be so proper and uptight and bossy and think that the world revolves around a nice society where everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt until proven guilty and then you have to make sure they pay for their crimes and can I have a cookie please?"
Now House was making sure that this Alice character wasn't talking about Wilson, he was practically all those things. About to open his mouth and comment Myra slapped her hand over his open mouth, preventing the words from surfacing. He noted how soft and smooth her hands were along with how strong her grip on him was. Boy she was a feisty one! He found himself liking her even more, even though she did seem to be a Wilson clone.
Myra patted her sister on the head and smiled. Alice was hungry and she could feel the hunger as well. She'd take pity on the poor girl and let her pick something up at the coffee stand she saw as she chased House in here. "Alice here," she said digging into her pocket and handing Alice a $100 bill. "Go get some cookies and coffee at the mini coffee shop around the corner outside." Quickly Alice took the bill as she gasped in horror as she hid her mouth behind her hand. Now Myra was confused on what she'd done. "What? What's wrong?"
"You said it!" she whispered conspiratorially. "You're not supposed to say it!"
She made a face at her sisters' accusation. What the hell could she have said that was perhaps 'bad'? "What am I not supposed to say?"
Looking around to make sure someone (god knows who) wasn't around Alice grabbed Myra by the vest and pulled her closer and whispered in her ear, accidentally spitting in her ear. Myra made a mental note to get her ears cleaned out. "You're not supposed to say coffee shop."
"Why?" Right after she said it Myra remembered why it was for forbidden between her and Alice to say such a combination of words. The result tended to be a catastrophe 98.3% of the time.
***Somehwere In Germany Same Time***
"Till stop looking out the window, we didn't pass one," Olli said as he watched Till stick his head out the window and search for the supposed coffee shop that they passed. Which they didn't.
"But I KNOW one of you guys said it! I keep hearing it being said. WHY DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY COFFEE HABITS?! I JUST WANT SOME COFFEE DAMNIT!" Till yelled as Olli took his wand out of his pocket and put a sleeping spell on the big guy. He thanked his lucky stars that when he went to a wizard school that he'd made sure to learn that spell. It came in handy when bullies were around, or when someone accidentally said coffee shop around Till. No one really knew why the words Coffee Shop drove Till nuts to the point where he broke the bus drivers foot last time stepping on the break to get some coffee at the nearest coffee shop. Poor guy still can't walk.
Hearing the commotion from inside the bathroom, Paul stuck his head out with a toothbrush in his hand, toothpaste clinging to his face like Santa Clause's beard. Starring at Till's motionless body on the floor and Olli's wand in his hand, he could only assume one thing. "Who said it?"
"No one surprisingly," he replied as he scratched behind his ear. Thinking about it for a second Paul started chuckling, as he thought of the one possibility.
"I bet you $200 that it was Alice."
"No deal."
"Why?"
"Because you're right." Both men started laughing. Then Olli stopped laughing and rethought that thought. "But what if it was Myra?"
"Why would he listen to Myra? He's Alice's teddy bear."
"Good point."
***Princeton General Hospital***
"Right...I'll make sure not to say it anymore."
"Good thinking sissy. Now I'm off to get cookies. YOU, HOT GUY! Follow meeeeee!" Alice said as she opened her arms and tried to fly away like an airplane with Wilson in tow.
House and Myra looked at each other. It felt strange not arguing with each other in the short amount of time that they knew one another. But one thing was for sure: they seemed attracted to the other. But, being that she wasn't the one to act childish Myra returned to her 'adult' mode.
"Listen, I'm sorry for taking your cane. I didn't mean to be rude but you must understand that no one should eat my cornbread because-"
"You're so hot that you are my fire?" House interrupted with a seductive smile on his face.
"What?" Now she was confused. What was he saying? Was his viccoden dose too high? (She could smell it on him, along with a strange dog-smell that reminded her of a friend. 'Maybe he isn't human.'
"The one...desire..." he seemed to trail off hoping she'd get the hint. She started giving off a smell of what he could only describe as arousing and hoped she didn't have a boyfriend, or worse, a mate. If she did, he'd have to make some annoying phone calls to them.
"Are you singing a Backstreet Boy's song?"
"Maybe."
"You're strange," was her only reply. Making sure to put the cornbread away where no one would get it, she thought about what this guy's strange ability would be if he ate it. Hopefully his feet wouldn't freeze to the ground like Doom's did, hypothermia is bad.
'Of course she didn't get the hint you moron,' he chided himself. 'This is the kind of woman that's...blunt. She needs actions, not words.' So with that in mind he grabbed her as she was about to walk away, put his hand behind her head and planted the most passionate kiss he'd given on her lips. His tongue clashed with hers fighting for dominance and his won. Making their mouths dance in harmony with each other he watched as she slowly gave in. When he pulled away a smirk was on his face as a shocked look dawned on hers. "I bet you've never been kissed like that before."
Now Myra was positive he wasn't human. He had a taste similar to Till's. She wasn't disappointed on either kiss. "You're a werewolf, aren't you?"
"Yes. And you are a demon, my dear. But still, I bet you've never been kissed like that before."
"Well, there was this one time in the 90's-" she stopped as she saw him roll his eyes in annoyance. "Never mind."
"Exactly. Let's continue!" and he repeated the process, making sure she squeaked as he tried different ways to make her want him. It was taking time, but it was working.
*
Alice stared at the guy at the counter with anger in her eyes. She was also trying to burn his eyes out but her attention kept going to the chocolate chip muffins picture on the wall behind him so it wasn't working out so well. "I want a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie," she groaned.
"Ma'am, for the 20th time, we don't have any," the guy said tiredly. This customer was going to drive him insane. She also gave him the heebie jeebies. Every time he looked in her eyes his head started hurting.
"But-but-but I love them!" she cried, officially reaching her sad level.
"All we sell is muffins and coffee. You're going to have to pick one of those or nothing. Now can you please hurry up? I've got more people waiting."
Her eyes turned black and with a speed so fast that no one knew what she was doing for a few seconds after it happened. She'd pulled the guy over the counter and was now holding him by the collar of his purple uniform shirt. Fear was evident in his face as whimpers escaped him. "Now listen here my kind sir, I want a cookie, a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. If I don't get my cookie now I'll-Hey, Wilson, where you going?" she said getting distracted as Wilson looked at his watch and walked away. Her attention was completely focused on him now. It seemed like he was her moon and she was the stars that orbited in his rings, or something like that. She'd get Myra to tell her what the right analogy was.
Continuing to look at his watch he counted down the seconds he had to be in the operating room on time."I have to be in surgery in 5 minutes so I gotta go. If you're coming let's go."
"Ok." Alice didn't even have to think twice. She could always get a muffin later. With a bagel and peanut butter. "Can I help with the surgery?" she asked, giving her sad kitten eyes. She never got to do anything fun when Uncle Channard was around at the hospital.
Wilson smiled in return as he led her down the next hallway on the left that said 'O.R.' meaning operating room, on the ceiling sign. "Why not? It'll give you more experience for later in the field."
"YAY!" she was happier than a kid with candy on a tricycle. 'Take that Carmon Electra! I have shiny toes!' she whispered in her head in triumph. Today was her lucky day. Racing old people, confetti, hot guy and surgery? This was better than the one time she blew up a bank by burping over a flame!
Once they washed up and prepped for surgery, gloves, masks and gowns on Wilson handed Alice the knife as he made lines on the patient's body to show her where to cut. "Ok, so we're going to cut here and remove the skin just a little bit so we can get down in the deep tissue and remove the cancerous cells that are forming in the torso in the breast area," he directed pointing his finger as he did.
"What about cutting up Torso?" she asked. 'I wonder if he's talking to that blue eyed guy on my ceiling again,' she briefly wondered. She'd have to give the bodiless cenobite a call soon.
"No, no, no. We're going to cut the cancer OUT of the torso of this patient. Not cut his torso up the way you're thinking."
"Can't we just amputate?" Alice asked nicely. Amputation was her specialty, not removing cancer.
"Amputate? Why would we do that?" Wilson asked with horror in his tone. It was bad enough blood would be everywhere and would mess with his hunger but amputation just weirded him out when it was said so bluntly.
"You know, amputate the icky stuff that needs to come out of the lady here. Uncle Channard always said that amputation was the best form of surgery!"
"The patient is a man Dr. Spencer," Wilson replied slowly.
"But you said the cancer stuff is in the boobies, and only girls have boobies!" she said smartly. "So...I'ma start cutting now!" Alice said quickly. But before she could do anything Wilson took the knife away from her, afraid for the patient's life and Alice's mentality.
"Maybe you should just watch this time, ok Dr. Spencer? Just to make sure I'M doing it right," he asked. He didn't want to upset her so he made it seem like she was going to catch HIS mistakes. It worked like a charm.
"Ok. You do that and I'll just watch while I flip through my Muse magazine."
Wilson just smiled at her as she did what she was told with her little magazine in hand. Even though she seemed like the WORST kind of doctor there was, he couldn't help but think she was brilliant...just like House in his own way.
***In Hell***
Pinhead walked the halls of hell in a good mood for once. His pesky children were not here to annoy him with teletubbies, carebears, Barney and Angelique if he did not comply with their demands, which was usually "Dad, shut up and stop saying 'open the gate' 50 billion times every time we come down here!" To say this was the best day he'd ever had since Leviathan made the mistake of deciding to split Alice's soul in half and creating a SMARTER daughter who knew how to torture cenobites in the horrible fashion would be the truth. Until he heard the unmistakable sound of Angelique's heels coming from the other end of the hall.
'Fuck, why me?' he mentally asked himself. Wasn't it bad enough that Leviathan made him sleep with the woman to make Myra's 'body' but to also be forced to become the female demon's 'lover' as well for punishment for not bringing the twins to the dark side? Apparently not. And right now, he knew what the woman wanted.
Trying to be sneaky he turned a corner as if he hadn't taken notice of the princess and walked as fast as he could away, hoping to lose her in the Labyrinth.
Today he wasn't so lucky as he found himself face first in her chest once she got a good grip on him. "Oh there you are Xipe. Do you know what time it is?" she asked as she trailed a finger down his cheek seductively. She was already so hot from just looking at herself in the mirror and right now she wanted a man! What man? Her man (as much as he claims he's not).
Lifting his face from her bosom he shrugged, trying to play stupid. "Thursday?"
"No. It's-wait, Thursday is a day, not a time, Xipe. No wonder where Alice gets it from."
He didn't want to take that as an insult so he let it slide as he kept the façade of being a nitwit up."Time to go...TORTURE FRANK?" he asked in a hopeful voice. It was Angelique's job to torture Frank these days. The man had become so sexually deprived that he'd fuck anything that moved, except for Angelique. The first and last time she got her hands on him he came out crying like a baby in fear.
Her smile was gone now and replaced with a mean look as she grabbed him by his suit and shoved him against the wall, her demonic voice taking over. "It's time for you to get stripped and do me. I'm tired of waiting for you to come around and lift that cassock of yours."
Somehow finding the strength, and courage, he got himself free and stared the evil woman in the eyes. "No."
"No?" she asked, making sure she did not mishear him. This was a first. Usually he just whined and accepted his fate. Was he going to defend himself against her sexual advances for once or was he going to turn into a pussy? Probably the latter.
"I said no Angelique. I will not be your plaything. Go find some other to humiliate with your whorish advances." Instantly he knew his mistake in his choice of words as she advanced on him.
"A whore you say?" she said with venom dripping from her voice while saying slowly. It was one thing to be called a bitch, a psychopath or even a slut. But to say she was a whore was NOT appropriate. She never did it for money; she was just born sexually frustrated 24/7. She blamed her father Leviathan for it, he did make her this way.
"No!" he corrected himself, but still stood his ground. "I meant over dominating female sluttyness! I've had it with you woman, if that's what you even ARE!" he countered, actually making her mad enough to slap him with hooks in her fingers.
That's it. She was done with him. 'For now,' she thought darkly. That was the second most horrible thing anyone had ever said to her. Being called a Whore ranked higher than being called a man. Pushing him down to the ground she kicked him in the nuts and watched gleefully as he doubled over in pain. Paybacks' a bitch. "I think we need some time apart, Xipe. I'm leaving for a while. When I come back you better expect our daughters."
Pinhead's eyes grew wide with fear at her threat. "You-you wouldn't!"
"Yes I would and you know that. For calling me such things you deserve the right punishment and I believe that your daughters would just LOVE to help with that." Tossing him another kick to the nuts she walked off, quickly changing into her human attire with stilettos'. 'Its about time I see my children anyway,' she thought, hoping the thought would ease her mind. It was working.
***Princeton General Hosptial***
After 2 hours of being in surgery, Alice and Wilson came out of the operation after they cleaned up and went to the lobby. Alice ate a half eaten sandwich she'd found right next to the dumpster that she claimed had the wrapper on so it appeared to be still good. As Wilson learned to do recently, he gave up trying to figure the girl out. But one thing was sure that he knew of: she was NOT human. Humans don't get black eyes when they're mad, demons or vampires on the other hand do. So insane + nonhuman = don't question their actions too much. That, and considering he was a vampire himself he should have known sooner considering that her UNCLE CHANNARD, who is a cenobite himself, runs the place with not just human patients but other kinds as well. He assumed that it was her distracting beauty that kept him from connecting the dots.
As he watched her eat the ham and cheese sandwich he couldn't help but take in her beauty. Out of all his years he had never come across someone so innocent and impure at the same time. Her actions alone made him see that she was not evil but good, like himself and maybe House. Those big eyes turned to him as she turned around quickly to not face him. "Stop looking at me!" she said shyly as she snapped him out of his daze.
"What?" he asked.
"It's not nice to stare. Unless you're staring at my-MOMMY! What are you doing here out of Hell?" the girl squeaked in surprise as she threw the sandwich out of her hands, making it land right on top of House's head as he entered the lobby.
Both House and Wilson stared in shock as an inhumanly attractive woman with long brown wavy hair that reached her butt, a figure that any woman would kill to have, eyes as dark as a black coffee with a look in them that said 'fuck me, you know you want to', a beauty mark right above her lip and a face that was similar to Myra's walked through the door with her arms wide open to receive the hug Alice was giving her as they embraced. Angelique had arrived and was catching the eye of EVERYONE in the room, including women. The result led to several accidents in the building for the next few seconds.
Angelique smiled her charming smile at her 'daughter' Alice when they parted from their hug. It was good to see that Alice seemed happy, a thing that was rare for her considering that Pinhead is a dick and doesn't want Alice or Myra to ever be happy. "I came to visit you, and your sister of course," the luscious woman said as her eyes traveled to her 'real' daughter, the one she actually had to give "birth" to, in turn making her Angelique's daughter by all right. She didn't suffer 9 hours of pregnancy for Myra’s body just to not be entitled as both the girls' mother. "Myra, isn't it rude to not greet your mother?" she asked, her French accent seeping through her Americanized one.
Myra looked at the ground quickly, hoping her mother wouldn't bring up the 'you're beautiful Myra' topic and looked back at Angelique's face. "Yes, it is mother. Which is why I'm going to„Ÿ" she cut off as House interrupted her with a loud voice just as she was about to move to hug the demoness.
"SHE'S YOUR MOTHER? No way. This chick is too young and beautiful to be your girls' mother. She's more along the lines of a sister form the looks of it. I'd picture an old lady," he said bluntly, not noticing that Wilson rolled his eyes at him.
Usually Angelique would be flattered by such words but not from the mouth of a man as rude as Alice. He basically said that her daughters weren't hot enough, and that was no, no in her book. Looking at the man with distain she answered him in a flat voice. "I am their mother. End of story." As hot as his piercing blue eyes made her body feel, an insult on her daughters' beauty was not acceptable.
Momentarily forgetting about his make-out session with Myra he couldn't resist this woman for some reason unknown to him and asked the most blunt question that came to his brain. "Wanna take a ride on my disco stick?" 'Fuck, not that song again! Idiot,' he scalded himself.
"I'd rather not." Myra rolled her eyes again at the man's pathetic attempt at hitting on Angelique, especially with a Lady Gaga song. She wasn't mad that he didn't even think about her while her mother was in the room, it happened to every guy period. It was his cheesy pick up line that sucked. "Good thinking mom."
From her office Cuddy noticed that everyone, patients, doctors and others, were all standing still staring at what could be only described as a super model from the way she dressed and the figure she had. 'Great, another one,' Cuddy thought to herself. 'Better pull out my bitch card to get people to work again,'. Quickly storming out of her office she stood next to the breath-taking beauty and took a deep breath. "If whoever works for this hospital does NOT want to be fired, GET BACK TO WORK," she stated calmly but loud. Not wanting to piss the boss off, everyone but House, Wilson and the twins remained.
Angelique openly stared at the woman, who seemed to be in charge, with lust. The power that this woman had, as humane as it was, turned her on and drove her mad. Hence one of the reasons she was still Pinhead’s "lover" though the term could be used VERY loosely considering he hasn't willingly touched her since Myra's body was conceived so her soul could have a place to stay. But this human woman with a body to match her own seemed to draw her attention like a moth to a flame, waiting for the inevitable burn that she would receive. Women usually didn't take to her too well, but this one was worth a shot.
Lightly placing her hand on Cuddy's face she rubbed the woman's cheek with one thumb. "You are incredibly breath-taking and I want to devour you from the inside out," she said rather seductively. "I'm sure there's a...private place we can talk about the issue. Don't you think, Beautiful?"
To say that everyone in the room was shocked at Angelique's openness would be a lie. Alice and Myra knew she'd ask that question, it happened every time she saw a woman she wanted to sleep with. But what shocked them even more was Cuddy's quick response with a smile and a hand gently cupping Angelique's cheek. "I think that can be arranged in my office Mrs...?"
"Angelique. Ms Angelique. I'm not married."
"Ms Angelique, would you be so kind as to step into my office?" Cuddy asked as she led Angelique down the hall and into the office where they instantly proceeded to 'discuss' some issues of some sort.
Looking around Myra couldn't help but feel this place was...Not right. The hospital itself seemed too much of a labyrinth in itself by how many hallways and walls and dead-ends there were, but to have Angelique get in a woman's pants in less than 30 seconds was too unreal. Usually it took Angelique a week to get in a woman's pants. Add all of that to the fact that she somehow started seeing 50 evil leprechauns walking around carrying pots of gold and riding tricycles didn't make sense.
Alice's voice broke though her train of thought. "Oh no. Sissy, you're fading. Did you eat enough breakfast this morning? Should I get you a cookie?" Moving her hands closer to her face to see what she was talking about Myra saw that she was indeed, disappearing but also started to feel a very painful headache come on. Then everything turned black as everyone and everything faded away from her.
***
With a jolt Myra woke up in the tree, a great throbbing in her head and Alice's foot stuck in her mouth. 'What the hell?' she thought as she removed the foot from her mouth, tasting what she thought to be dog poo. "Yuck," she whispered as Alice started to stir. Just as she was about to open her mouth and wake Alice up and ask her if she had the same dream, she noticed that blue cenobite blood was dripping from her head.
Touching the wound, she found that it was a deep cut and was starting to drizzle down her head. 'How'd I get this? Did she kick me in my sleep?' she wondered. Hearing some commotion from below, she looked down only to be hit in the head with a very strong rock that managed to knock her off her branch making her fall.

THE END AN: Or in this case, to be continued with a new story and category for the Alice and Myra chronicles in their never ending quest to not do what Pinhead wants! Reviews are nice, good and bad. This story is completely wacky and probably deserves a few flames. For what? I don't know, you decide. Thanks for reading either way.
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The Doctors ARE IN!