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Sins	By : DJCo Category: Star Wars (All) > General Views: 37898 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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30 ABY
Leia Organa Solo let out a sigh as she stared out of the Millennium Falcon’s main viewport.
The ship was traveling through Hyperspace toward Coruscant, which had recently been proclaimed the capital of the fledgling Galactic Alliance, making it once again the central system of the galaxy. The Yuuzhan Vong war had been over for a little less than a year now, and in that time Leia had not had much time to reflect on the events of the conflict. Much of the past year had been spent on the rebuilding of Coruscant, and Leia had spent some time working with the Reconstruction Authority on the project, not to mention working to bring the Hapes Consortium and the Imperial Remnant into the Alliance fold. She had sworn that she had forsaken politics for now, but against her better judgment she kept finding herself getting drawn back into Galactic affairs.
If she was honest with herself, Leia still had doubts about many members of the Remnant, for as she had once said to her husband Han, “We call it the Remnant, but to these people it’s still the Empire.”
“An Empire without an Emperor,” he had replied at the time, but somehow that still didn’t make her feel any less uneasy.
She wished Han were here now to lend her some words of comfort, but in truth she didn’t think there was really anything that anybody could say to make her feel any better about anything. She had seen so much death and destruction in her lifetime that she was beginning to lose faith in there being any inherent goodness in the majority of the galaxy’s citizens. On reflection, she found it hard to remember a time when the galaxy wasn’t in turmoil, when it wasn’t either under threat from outside forces or rotting from within as it succumbed to the forces of corruption. In fact, Leia wondered why anyone would want to bring up children in this galaxy these days.
Her own children, twins Jaina and Jacen, were onboard the Falcon now. Well, they weren’t exactly children anymore; she mused with a degree of sadness.
At twenty-one years old, the twins had seen more horrors than Leia herself had had to endure by their age, even taking into account that at their age, she had already witnessed the destruction of her home planet at the hands of her own father. They had been born in the midst of the Thrawn Campaign, and it had been necessary to sequester them on various safeworlds for their own protection. Between this and her political duties, Leia and Han had had no choice but to leave Jaina and Jacen in the care of their nanny, Winter, and the droids C-3P0 and R2-D2. Then the war had forced them even further apart. It was a painful thing to admit, but Leia felt that she had not spent enough time with her children when they had been growing up. This was something that her offspring, and Jaina in particular, had come to deeply resent over the years, and it had been only recently that Leia and Jaina had begun to talk about their feelings and had begun to repair their relationship.
She felt like such a fool. She had often felt as though the twins had developed more of a bond with Winter than with her, and that Mara, Jaina’s aunt and Jedi Master, had become more of a surrogate mother to her. Now they had grown up, and she sometimes felt as if she didn’t even know them anymore.
Then there was Anakin…
Anakin…
Leia fought back tears at the thought of her youngest son, her darling boy, tragically lost at sixteen on a daring mission deep into the heart of Vong territory. He had died a hero’s death, but that didn’t make his loss any less heart-wrenchingly painful to bear. She closed her eyes, desperately trying not to think about Anakin. She retreated into her mind, opening herself up to the Force and focusing on the moment… on Jaina and Jacen. She had brought them along on her recent diplomatic mission ostensibly for support, although in truth it was also partly because she didn’t want to let either of them out of her sight. Being able to sense their strong presence in the Force was no longer enough, she had to be able to reach out and touch them… to hold them. She could feel Jaina’s conscious mind deeply attuned to the Force in concentration. Opening her eyes, Leia decided that she needed to be with her daughter.

* * * *

Jaina Solo could feel the lightsaber in her hands, but otherwise she was completely attuned to the Force, letting it guide her movements as the training remote danced around her. She had become highly proficient with her Jedi weapon, but she still liked to keep her mind sharp by practicing every once in a while. She deflected the laser bolts with the consummate ease of a seasoned Jedi Knight. She had felt her mother’s presence enter the room, but had decided to continue with her exercise for a few moments, as any distraction could result in getting stung by the remote.
Opening her eyes, Jaina deactivated her lightsaber blade, and the remote droid took the hint and deactivated itself.
“Hey honey,” said Leia, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interupt.”
“You didn’t,” Jaina replied sincerely. She had been about to stop anyway.
“Nice moves,” Leia complimented her with a smile. She had been watching her daughter intently as she had maneuvered with precision and grace.
Leia knew that Jaina had become a skilled and formidable opponent in battle, which filled Leia with an ambivalent sense of pride and despair. She greatly admired Jaina’s skill in the ways of the Jedi, as well as Jacen’s, and had seen her offspring grow into two powerful Jedi Knights and fine individuals. Jaina, the eldest of the twins by five minutes, was a most courageous yet pragmatic young lady, capable of great heroism, as her tireless fighting at campaigns at Borelias, Obroa-skai and Ebaq 9 had demonstrated during the war. In fact, Leia could see much of herself in the girl. Woman, she scolded herself.
She had to wonder how much she herself would have resented having a mother like her when she was Jaina’s age. “Thanks,” Jaina said, returning her mother’s smile, “but that was nothing compared to some of the things this old ‘saber’s been through.”
Leia smiled. “Well, I for one am glad you’re safe, all things considered. I really don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”
Jaina didn’t need the Force to tell her that her mother had been thinking about Anakin again. Jaina fought back tears, for she too had been thinking about her little brother a lot lately, and the mere mention of his name was almost enough to break her. “Nothing’s going to happen to me, mom, or Jacen,” she said in the most comforting tone she could muster.
“I know,” Leia said, unconvincingly. She had been shaken to the core by Anakin’s death, and despite the Vong’s defeat, the galaxy seemed like a much more dangerous place now. Jaina knew that her mother didn’t quite believe her reassuring words, any more than she did. She was a Jedi Knight, as was her brother, and she mused that the odds of something happening to either of them were hardly a million-to-one. In fact, she thought, if C-3P0 were here he could probably give her the exact odds. But as her father liked to say, “never tell me the odds.” If there was one thing that Anakin’s death had taught her, it was that life was short, and should be embraced wholeheartedly. Because one didn’t know what was just around the corner.

* * * *

Jacen Solo lay in his bunk. He hadn’t managed to sleep very much. He’d been thinking about the war, replaying the events in his mind over and over, images that would haunt him until the day he died. The Embrace of Pain… the Nursery… the heart-wrenching death of his brother. While Jaina had reacted to Anakin’s death by touching the dark side, he had been captured by Vergere and Nom Anor, and hadn’t had a chance to dwell on the event. For a time, life had been entirely about survival, and he now felt as if he had been hit by a hundred-foot wave as the full enormity of these events sank in. He intended to return to his travels, but had come home for a time due to a desire to be closer to his family. Before he could discover his place in the Force, he first had to discover how he fit into the physical world. He had thought about how, during his time with the Vong, his mother had refused to believe that he was dead. She had never given up hope that he was alive somewhere, despite no longer being able to sense him.
He loved her so much, and Jaina…
Deep down there would always be a part of him that belonged to Jaina. He thought about his sister a lot. When the Vong had captured him, it was the thought that he would see his sister again that had kept him sane. As children they had been inseparable. They had been forced to stick together as they had often been shipped off to various planets without their parents, and a life-long bond had formed between them that went beyond family and friendship. It was like nothing he could describe.
He saw Jaina when he closed his eyes, walking toward him with a grave expression on her face. Jaina? He called out to her. She did not reply. He could feel her getting closer, and yet she appeared to be moving farther away. No, he realized. He was the one moving… slipping away from her. Jaina! He called again and still she did not answer. Her eyes bore into his soul, and he suddenly felt frightened. There was a creeping sense of dread as she began to run toward him.
He now began to turn away, but found that he could only move in slow motion, as if he were wading through molten lava. The heat increased as a dark shadow loomed over him, and he inclined his head upward to regard the imposing figure. He suddenly realized that this was his own shadow, cast against the wall of a dark cavern by a light that he could not see. But it was not his shadow… it was the shadow of someone he had never met, who had died before he was born. It was the shadow of evil; of the dark side… the shadow of his grandfather, Darth Vader.
The shape was instantly recognizable, and Jacen felt a surge of adrenaline as the shadow grew in size to engulf him, consuming his very being. He tried to scream, but no sound came out of his mouth. He tried to close his eyes, but something was keeping them open. He jumped as his sister advanced upon him, with her lightsaber in her hands. Their eyes met, and Jacen felt a burning, searing pain through his heart. He looked down to see the violet blade of Jaina’s lightsaber protruding from his chest.
He collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath. He couldn’t breathe. The shadow retreated into nothingness as Jaina knelt down beside him, a single tear running down her cheek. She lifted his head into her lap, and Jacen realized with horror that he had died, yet could still feel the pain. He saw his parents standing nearby, crying, and he felt ashamed. Jaina bent down and lifted his head up to meet hers, and then kissed him gently on the lips, as if he were her lover. No! Jacen awoke with a start, and gasped for air. It took a moment for him to adjust to reality, and he reached into the Force to steady his nerves.

* * * *

Jaina’s eyes snapped open. She had drifted off to sleep in her father’s pilot’s chair only a few minutes earlier, and had suddenly become aware of a slight tremor in the Force as her brother cried out in pain. She quickly rose to her feet and headed to the bunkroom where she knew that Jacen was sleeping. Or rather, had been sleeping.
She wondered what in the galaxy could have made Jacen Solo cry out in terror, and reasoned that he had probably been dreaming about the war, as she knew he had been for many nights, even though he didn’t talk about it. She wondered also if their mother had felt it too, as her connection to Jacen was not as strong as Jaina’s own. She decided that it was best to assume that Leia hadn’t sensed anything, and to not bother to wake her with whatever was troubling Jacen.
Entering the bunkroom, Jaina found Jacen sitting up in his bunk with a drink. She noticed that his hand was shaking as he clutched the glass. “Jacen? Are you alright?”
He turned to regard her. “I knew you’d come,” he said.
“Of course, I was worried about you,” she replied. “Would you like me to leave you alone?”
Jacen didn’t know what he wanted. “Yes... No... I don’t know.”
“Well, that’s helpful,” Jaina said with a wry smile. When he didn’t respond, she pushed further. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Jacen took a swig from his drink. Jaina wasn’t sure what he was drinking, but she guessed that it was something alcoholic, probably taken from their father’s secret stash, which he kept in the old smuggling compartments beneath the ship’s main corridor, and thought that nobody knew about. “It was a nightmare,” he finally answered.
“Bad?” Jaina asked with concern. “Yes.” This was like trying to hold a conversation with a Bantha. “Would you care to elaborate, or shall I just leave you alone?”
He looked at her now, and Jaina perceived a hint of fear in his eyes. “What was it about?” she asked again. Jacen sighed. “It was about you, and me…” He paused and finished off the drink.
“Okay…” Jaina said. “What about us? Were we in trouble?”
He gave a slight chuckle. “I guess you could say I was… You killed me.”
“What?” she asked, with a slight laugh. “Okay, it’s fair to say I wasn’t expecting that.”
He looked away, but continued. “I was trying to run away from you. You were chasing me, and I couldn’t move, and…” his breathing was getting heavier, and he couldn’t continue.
Jaina placed a reassuring hand on her brother’s arm. “It was just a dream, Jacen. Not all dreams have deeper meanings, you’re just anxious –”
“No,” he said, cutting her off, “this felt so real. I felt… consumed by the dark side. I saw Vader… it was like I was him… and then you…” he trailed off.
Jaina had to admit that this was starting to sound a little worrying. “What happened? Tell me…” After a moment, he replied, “You impaled me with your ‘saber, and then the darkness went away.”
There was silence for a moment, and then Jaina put on a brave face and tried to reassure him. “Look at me. It was just a dream. You and I love each other very much and I am not going to kill you. Sure, there may have been times when we were kids when I wanted to, but…” she chuckled, but when Jacen didn’t she realized that her attempt to lighten the moment had been in vain.
She had felt something too, when she had stated that they loved each other Jacen had shifted uncomfortably, and there was an unmistakable feeling that there was something else about this dream that he wasn’t telling her. “Jacen Solo, are you holding out on me? What is it? Really…?”
He drew a deep breath. “After you killed me, it was like I could still feel…” He shifted again, but Jaina still listened intently. “You cradled me in your arms, and then you bent down and kissed me.”
“So?” Jaina said after a moment. “I guess I would be pretty sad if I’d just been forced to kill my own brother.” Forced to kill? It struck her as being strange how easily that assumption came to her, as if she were ascribing logic to her brother’s scenario. If she were to kill Jacen, then it would surely be against her will, and – oh, this was ridiculous! This was a dream, and she was giving it far too much consideration. She was shaken out of her thoughts by what Jacen had to say next.
“No. Not like a sister… On the lips, as though we were lovers.”
Jaina’s eyes widened as she took this in. “Oh…” she finally said. This was a little embarrassing, not to mention disturbing.
“Now you think I’m a freak,” Jacen said. “No, no I don’t think you’re a freak, Jacen. Not at all.”
“Then why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like I’ve just told you that I enjoy sexual fantasies about Wookies?”
That made Jaina laugh. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but you have to admit, it is a little weird. But then again, dreams are pretty weird. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
When they were children, they slept in the same room for many years, and when one of them would suffer a nightmare, the other would always comfort their sibling. Jaina remembered such an occasion and decided to remind Jacen. “Hey, you remember that time I had a nightmare about The Little Lost Bantha Cub?” she said, referring to the children’s story that they had both enjoyed. “Threepio had told us that story before bed and I was scared of the Krayt dragon…”
“Yeah,” Jacen recalled with a smile. “You woke up crying and I climbed into bed with you…”
“And held me until I fell back to sleep.” “I’d forgotten all about that,” he said with a wistful smile. “Force, Jaina, we must’ve been all of four-years-old.” As he reflected on the memory, something hit him… a feeling long buried, which he couldn’t ascribe to anything but it felt… confusing. It was a sense of longing; Jacen realized, longing for something that he hadn’t felt in a long time.
“Say,” Jaina began with a mischievous smile, “you’re not too old for me to return the favor are you?”
“You’re joking?”
“Nope,” she said as she climbed into Jacen’s bunk. It was quite a squeeze, but they both lay on their side facing each other, and cuddled up as they had done as children. “I promise to behave myself,” Jaina said with a wicked smile. Jacen smiled back, and Jaina soon drifted off to sleep. Her brother stayed awake, fearful of falling asleep, and listened to the sound of her heartbeat.

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Sins