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Cold	By : Ladykohl Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (All) > Het - Male/Female > Jack/Elizabeth Views: 1425 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Pirates of the Caribbean movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Cold
- 1
Title: Cold

Author: Kohl

Rating:PG

Chapter Rating: PG

Warnings: Angst

Disclaimer: Indeed.

Summary: Why can't he just let himself have what he wants?

Author's Note: For now this is a stand alone and is complete... but I do have a few ideas where to go with it if I do, indeed, decide to continue. It's pretty much the first draft (though it was originally written before AWE and has been edited a bit to be post AWE) but I am particularly fond of some of the dialogue and I plan to eventually go through and smooth out some of the rough edges (I'll probably be doing that constantly, actually, as I notice things that should be changed). I hope you enjoy!

*****
Cold
"Every heart has its secret sorrows which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad.� - Henry Wadsworth Lonfellow

It was cold.
Nights, of course, usually had the tendency to be colder than their day time counterparts... but this night was unusually cold. As cold as the night that the mythical Black Pearl sailed in to Port Royal - it�s crew searching for salvation. Colder than the morning a young woman kneeled in the rain wondering what had gone wrong - wondering why her world was falling apart. Colder than the moment the most notorious pirate in the Caribbean was taken from the world... however temporarily.
Jack Sparrow moved quietly in to his cabin just as Elizabeth Swann, her infant son asleep in a cradle next to her, shivered in her bed and pulled the soft blanket more securely around her body. Feeling through the darkness at the other side of the matress she seemed to seek the familiar warmth of another body next to hers... her hands connecting with nothing at all. Jack stood silently and still in the darkness and watched as she groggily turned toward the cradle, placing a hand to her son's cheek. Her first thought was always of him. Jack had been reluctant at first to allow Elizabeth to keep the child with her, wondering instead if he should drop the tiny cargo off some place the very first time they made port, but in the end he could never do it. Not to Elizabeth or the baby. He had a good deal of resentment for the boy, though, as he was nothing but a constant reminder that Lizzie was not - could not be - truly his. She was bound to another regardless of her current lapse in judgement and she would eventually realize that she was strong enough to be alone and to raise the baby by herself. She was only with Jack for now because she was alone and scared... and she may have been fooling herself, but not him. He knew she loved Will... and that this was just borrowed time with her.
Jack's weight shifted ever so slightly, and the floor creaked underneath his feet. He almost cursed.
�Jack?� She asked as she more or or less looked his way. She could not see him - her eyes not as used to the dark as his - but he knew that she knew he was there now. There was no chance in escape.
�Here, love.� He said almost hesitantly. Bugger it all, he�d almost made it. If he�d had been just one minute earlier. Damn everything.
�Where were you?� She asked as she sat up. Jack looked in her direction and was silent for a moment before a small fire erupted in his hand - illuminating his dark features as though he were staring down a sunset. He�d lit a lantern.
�Went to town.� He answered vaguely as he set the lantern down on the table next to him.
Elizabeth tilted her head.
�Oh?� She asked - and Jack noted something quite like suspiscion in her voice. �And what were you doing in town?�
�Judging by the accusing tone in your voice,� Jack started with sigh as he sat down. �I�d wager you already think you know what I was doing.�
Elizabeth stared at him for a few long moments, her forehead creased and her lips pursed.
�Would I be correct?� She asked finally. Jack merely shrugged at the question.
�... Couldn�t say, seeing as how you haven�t told me what I was doing yet.� He responded. Which was true... he could only assume what she was assuming.
�For God�s sake, Jack...� Elizabeth said as she threw the blankets off of her body and stood up angrily. �We�ve not been at port for even one full night and already you�re off to town doing God knows what with God knows who!�
Jack tilted his head just a bit. Of course, she assumed the worst. That he was �doing God knows what� with �God knows who�. Didn�t exactly sound like she thought he was picking daisies in a wild garden. Which he wasn�t, but it would have been just as easy for her to think.
�Ah, so I was right.� Jack said with a near laugh though he did not seem to be amused. �Tell me, Lizzie, what else have I been doing? Since you and God seem to know better than me.�
Elizabeth was silent for a few moments - the hurt so obvious in her eyes even as she seemed to be attempting to cover it up with anger. That bothered - pained - Jack more than he would ever let on. He hurt Elizabeth quite often without any intention of doing so... The times when he had to ignore her to tend to business aboard ship. The times when he had to reprimand her for acts of insolence or stupidity - she was a crew mate after all, and he expected of her what he expected of all his men. But most of all, for the times when she lay in bed at his side, her back to him, as she shook and quivered - silently crying to herself. He always wanted to put his arm around her, to wipe away her tears... to beg her to tell him what was wrong, but could never bring himself to do it.
He feared that he already knew what was wrong. She missed Will. Her husband. She had not seen him in a little over a year and still had more than 8 to go before she could again - everyday, much the same as Jack, being reminded of him by the son he had left behind. Jack should not have taken her but as a pirate he had always taken what he wanted without thinking, and for some reason he had wanted Elizabeth. So he took her. She had probably expected something much different of him once aboard the Pearl... A friend, a confidant, a... something. Anything but what he was toward her.
Which was nothing. Nothing. He was nothing toward her. He took her body when it pleased him and ignored her otherwise - unless to give her orders. He did not understand why he could not stop being like this when he felt so much more for her and for the child she brought aboard with her... Though it was true he resented him, he also cared a great deal for him as well. He could never truly hate something so helpless, and something so much a part of Elizabeth. He didn't want to be this way to either of them.
�Why do you do this?� She asked almost in disbelief. �Do you not have it in you to do right by someone? To be with one person? I'm giving up who I am to be here with you!�
Was she? He quite remembered acquiring her from that God forsaken island as something of a kidnapping of a not so willing Elizabeth, but if she remembered it differently all the better he supposed.
�But you are not me - and I, which we have just established as being a separate being altoegther from you, did never say say that I would do the same.�
�Why then? Why did you want me here?�
Jack paused, seemingly in thought as to why exactly he did want her there - but really in thought as to what collection of pretty words and inflection of tone would offend dear Lizzie just so.
�Well, you do warm my bed quite nicely.� He decided. Elizabeth looked properly offended.
�You could find any whore on the streets of Tortuga who would be willing to do that.� She responded coldly.
�Yes,� he said with a raised finger. �But they generally expect monetary compensation for their services.�
�And if I asked for payment?�
�Then I suppose I would have to inquire as to your rates.�
�And if I said fifty shillings a night?� She said as she raised her chin in defiance. Jack pursed his lips in thought for only a moment.
�In that case,� he started seriously. �I would have been handed the unpleasant duty of informing you that you are recently insane and that we must, regretablly, part ways for it.� Elizabeth fumed.
�Tell me where you�ve been.� She demanded. Jack smiled at her almost gently.
�No, love. You tell me.�
�Jack--�
�I�ve made you no promises and I owe you nothing. Not my time or anything else.�
�And why haven�t you promised me? Why? Why haven�t you offered me something more respectable than this?�
�There's not much I can offer you, love, seeing as how you already made yourself good and respectable with your Mr. Turner." Elizabeth's gaze faltered for a moment, but Jack continued as though he didn't notice. "I also happen to find our current situation decidedly agreeable. No need to ruin an agreeable situation by making false promises and hollow offers.�
�You would give me something better if you loved me.� She said quietly.
Jack paused a moment.
�You assume I do?�
�Do you?� She asked, her gaze completely focused on him now.
�Would it matter if I did?� He asked seriously. �It wouldn�t change anything... And it wouldn�t change who I am.�
�Then...� She sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. �I suppose it wouldn�t matter.�
Jack took a very deep breath in, and then let it slowly out. Running his hand through his hair - pulling his bandana off as he did so - he shook his head.
�Love... I never confirmed or denied whatever it was that you were thinking. You knotted that noose and hung me with it yourself. I didn�t have to do anything.� He paused. �I can�t change who I am... but perhaps I�m not the one needs changing. Can you really expect me to offer you anything more than I already have when you are unable to trust me enough to accept?�
�Did you sleep with another woman, Jack?�
Jack was silent for a moment.

�I don't recall there being much sleeping involved, no.� He answered. Elizabeth's face seemed to turn to ice.
�So I was right not to trust you.�
�And I was right in thinking that you wouldn�t trust me. So we were both wrong.�
In her eyes Jack could see Elizabeth�s mind race as she attempted to understand what he meant. Like everyone else she would probably just give up and assume there was really no meaning at all behind it... which was certainly odd to Jack because he always meant something. As was his tendency, however, he would allow her to draw her own conclusions without any aid from him. He could set water in front of a dying man but could not force him to drink it - or rather, in this case, would not. And also, the noun would be her, as it were, since Elizabeth was still a woman.
Jack was kind of a complex person.
�I don�t understand you.� She said after a few moments. Jack almost - almost - smiled at his predictive abilities.
�You never will, love.�
�I hate you.� Elizabeth said through grit teeth... and though Jack knew that she only half meant it at best, it stung him to the core.
�Would I be correct in assuming that I will not be welcomed at your side this night?�
Elizabeth only glared. Jack�s lips pulled back in to a caustic grin that was meant to annoy or anger her. Or hurt her. He didn�t know... anything that couldn�t be mistaken for being good. Why was he this way toward her? He was not a bad man. Why couldn�t he show her that?
... Because he was frightened of her, that�s why. He was frightened that, for the first time in his life, she was making him want something different for himself. Horribly normal and usual things like... a real home. A family. A wife. She made him want these things, and it terrified him because he knew he could never have them with her. Those things belonged to dear William. So yes, he who had faced some of the fiercest monsters in Caribbean was terrified of Elizabeth and of being gentle with her... because, even now as she appeared to be his, she was breaking his heart.
If only he thought she would really stay with him, he would give her everything she ever wanted and more.
�My apologies then, Miss Swann.� He said after a few moments. Elizabeth tilted her head.
�You�re apologizing to me?� She asked - genuine confusion laced through out her words. Jack swayed a bit.
�Well, it�s only gentlemanly of me to apologize... you, after all, I imagine so anyway, have a very rough night ahead of you.�
�What do you mean?�
�Look around you, love. This is the Captain�s cabin... not the Captain�s mistress who happens not to want to sleep in the same bed as said captain�s cabin.�
Elizabeth�s jaw dropped.
�You�re putting me out?�
�I should think by now you would know me a bit better than to expect anything more or less...�
�I don�t know you at all.� She said as she pushed passed him angrily to the cabin door. Taking a deep shuddering breath, she grasped the door frame for support. �You wont let me close enough.� Were her quiet and unsteady words. With that she opened the door and was gone - leaving a draft and a sleeping baby in her wake.
Jack swallowed and let out the deep breath that it seemed he had been holding through out the whole exchange. She had been through so much, and he was making it no better or easier for her. He knew he should have gone after her... should have begged her to come back. Should have offered his soul to her as an apology.
Instead, Jack Sparrow closed his eyes to the waves of emotion breaking over him as his fingers rolled gently over the small ring in his pocket.
***
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Cold