Not Quite Opposites

Title: Not Quite Opposites
Author: Eleventh Guard
Fandom: Star Wars
Characters: Jacen Solo/Anakin Solo
Word Count: 3500-ish
Summary: Jacen and Anakin make up after their argument about Centerpoint. Shortly after the Battle of Fondor.
Author's Notes: Takes place during Agents of Chaos II: Jedi Eclipse, in the NJO era. Written for the fanfic100 comm at LJ. ONE-SHOT.
Feedback: Of course! I would love it if you would review. Concrit also welcome.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Star Wars or any of the characters, places, events, or any other elements of the Star Wars universe. This story is my use of the characters, places, and events for entertainment only and I make no money whatsoever from it, and do not receive any other compensation. No copyright infringement is intended.

Jacen congratulated himself for his restraint - for not punching Anakin. The fiasco at Centerpoint weighed heavily on his mind and he didn't want to admit to his brother that he was slightly unsure in his belief that they were right not to fire the weapon that could have destroyed the Yuuzhan Vong fleet at Fondor. If it was the right thing to do, then why did that decision have such a horrible ending? The Yuuzhan Vong were pushed back, but at least three quarters of the Hapan fleet that had come to Fondor's aid was obliterated. Thousands upon thousands of lives lost - how could a right decision in the Force lead to such devastation? Anakin could have fired Centerpoint with the accuracy necessary for striking the heart of the Yuuzhan Vong fleet while sparing allies.

A Jedi never uses his power for attack. Only for defense.

That was the thought that kept him clinging to his insistence that they were right to step back, and what kept him from jumping out of the chair towards Anakin. And as the younger boy left, with a smug air wrapped around him, Jacen added that impulse to the list of things that were starting to shake his faith.

So many people killed. And whose fault was it? It was too easy to blame their father's cousin Thrackan; after all, it had been him who fired the shot that annihilated the ships, friend and foe. Well, we don't know that Anakin could have saved the Hapans. Perhaps something else would have gone wrong - maybe the shot would have smacked right into Fondor.

He was lying to himself, and he knew it. There was the possibility that he had been wrong, and Jacen didn't even want to think about that for too long. He'd begun to build his identity around what he thought the ideal Jedi was - a person of noble heroism, championing peace unless raising his lightsaber (literally, or figuratively) in defense was the last option. What if he was wrong, after all? I'm not wrong. There really isn't any way to know what would have happened if our decision had been different.

Except that it really wasn't their decision. It was Jacen's decision, and he'd pressured Anakin into following it. And now he had to sort through the blame and take the bulk of that, too.

He thought about going up to apologize, but instead he sat on the same spot and watched the HoloNet reports, only halfway paying attention. His thoughts were spinning, through the same vicious cycles. What if insistence upon peace and defense caused more war? Was that wrong, and if it was, what was the alternative? Surely not flirting with the Dark Side through aggression!

Finally, he'd heard enough clips of discussion about the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, and once more he muted the holo display and pulled himself up. In this case his insistence on peace certainly was causing conflict, between himself and Anakin. Whatever ultimately happened, he couldn't presume that he had all the answers, and until he did have them, he couldn't tell Anakin what to do. He'd have to trust Luke and the other Masters to guide him, and give him as much information as he could himself - and then let him choose. If Anakin only chose what was right because Jacen told him to, what would happen if they were separated?

Jacen knocked on the refresher door. "Anakin?"

Beyond the door, he heard the faint sounds of water dripping, and a voice singing a vaguely familiar bar song. The voice stilled abruptly. "I'm taking a shower!"

"Yeah, I figured that. I want to talk to you for a minute."

"Hold on. I won't be long."

A few minutes later, Anakin opened the door to the small, steamy room. His brown hair was wet and tousled, as though he'd merely towel-dried it, and he had a white towel wrapped haphazardly around his waist and tucked behind itself. "What do you want?" he asked.

"It's not that urgent. You can go get your clothes on first."

"If it's not that urgent, why were you knocking on the 'fresher door to get me? And besides, I don't have anything you haven't seen before... right?" Anakin gave him a look that was halfway between a grin and a sneer and stepped past Jacen, towards his room.

All right, so Anakin was growing quickly, and the brothers were almost the same height now, despite Jacen being a year older. And Jacen noticed that Anakin's arm muscles were a lot... bigger than he remembered, flowing in hard curves to molded shoulders. He had everything - the charm, the self-confidence, the looks. He was going to be a heartbreaker, that much was sure, and jealousy mixed with acid in Jacen's throat. Remember, this is supposed to be an apology, not another argument, he gently reminded himself.

Anakin sorted through what remained of the clothes in his dresser drawer. Most of his necessities had already been packed up, and soon they would be leaving the apartment on Coruscant to another mission. He pulled out a few rumpled garments and threw them on the bed, and then sat down next to the pile, with the loosening towel still wrapped around his hips. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Uh, that I shouldn't have taken the tone with you that I did. And that it's Luke's job to teach you the true ways of the Jedi, not mine."

"Some apology," Anakin muttered. "But I'll take it. You're the one with extra reason to be worried about the Hapans, anyway. All lives are valuable but I think those might have been a little more valuable to you than others."

"What makes you say that?" Jacen felt himself getting angry again, and he counted slowly to five, making it dissipate into nothing.

"Tenel Ka," Anakin said simply. "The Princess - your princess."

"Oh, don't even bring her up. My being upset about the loss of the Hapan fleet has nothing to do with Tenel Ka. I'm over her." That, too, was a partial lie, but he wasn't sure which part. It was true that in the year they'd been apart, their studies at the Jedi Academy interrupted by the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, he was having other thoughts - thoughts of the ExGal scientist Danni Quee (who he'd finally gotten to give him the time of day - but not much else), and, although he didn't want to admit it, he'd found his mind wandering towards Zekk, of all people - the friend and, according to rumor, more-than-friend of his sister. It was just his sense of honor, compensating for a time spent immersed in the Dark Side. That had to be it. It had to be that he simply admired Zekk's simple morality and hatred of all that was evil, and not his carelessly mussed hair or the way his jacket fit.

And if Tenel Ka was there, he wouldn't be having any thoughts of anyone else. Right? He glanced over at Anakin then, unconsciously reaching out for confirmation, and at that moment Anakin stood up and dropped his towel, reaching for his gray undershirt.

Blaster bolts! His arms aren't all that have grown!

Anakin followed the line of Jacen's gaze and snickered. "Jealous, brother?" he asked. Yes. Kind of. "Well, don't be. Tahiri isn't here and even if she was, I couldn't very well take her into the closet and close the door, could I? It'll be a few years before she's ready for more than a quick peck on the cheek. At least you could be with Tenel Ka if you went out to see her. Or Danni whats-her-name or whoever."

"Maybe," Jacen said, unconvinced. He didn't even know what he wanted, let alone what he was capable of obtaining. He shuffled over to Anakin's bed and sat on the end of it. They were both growing up, and it couldn't be any easier for Anakin than it was for him - looking back on a couple of years of rapid changes to minds and bodies, uncertain of who they were, when not so long ago it was all so clear.

It was a move that surprised him as much as it probably surprised Anakin. He slid over on the smooth sheet and jumped down, then caught his brother in a hug. "I really am sorry about arguing earlier. We should be trying to find the path of the future together, not arguing about the past. Learn from it, but what's done is done."

"We both have a lot on our minds," Anakin agreed. "This whole conflict... us against the Yuuzhan Vong... it scares me." He squeezed Jacen tighter. "I just wanted to do something to get rid of them, to make them leave us alone."

"I know." There was a slight scent underneath the stronger odor of soap clinging to Anakin's skin, something that Jacen couldn't quite place, but akin to fear, and he stepped back and put his hand under Anakin's chin, tilting it upward. "Everything is going to be all right. Maybe not right away, but nothing bad can last forever. Even Palpatine's Empire didn't last long."

Anakin's eyes shimmered in the bright lights, and he nodded. Suddenly Jacen wanted to protect him, from the Yuuzhan Vong and from heartache and from everything, as impossible as that was. Somehow it was understood, and then Anakin's form was pressed up against him again, chest to chest, stomach to stomach, thigh to thigh.

Jacen leaned his head forward to whisper words of reassurance, but found that instead his lips brushed against Anakin's cheek. He began to pull back, but before he could, Anakin had turned toward the touch and returned it, pressing his mouth to Jacen's.

What are we doing? Jacen thought desperately, but although he could have broken away, he didn't. Anakin's kiss had a surprising tenderness to it, a sweet playfulness that he somehow hadn't noticed much with Tenel Ka. And he was enjoying it... perhaps a little too much. Way too much. He ruefully realized that it was probably too late to disguise it - he knew what an erection felt like and now he had a particularly hard one, uncomfortably squeezed by his snug pants. He'd just have to step out, go to his own room or the 'fresher and take care of it on his own, thinking about someone other than Anakin. Jacen twisted until his hands were free and then he pushed Anakin's shoulders away.

"What was that for?" Anakin asked. He sounded hurt.

"What the frell do you think you're doing? We're not a pair of lovebirds on a balcony," Jacen said crossly.

"You liked it, Jacen. Don't pretend that you didn't."

Heat creeped up Jacen's neck and covered his face. "All right, maybe I did, but that doesn't mean anything. At all, other than that we're both upset and we've been away from the girls we care about for too long."

Anakin sank back onto the bed, sitting there quietly and studying his hands. "Nobody else is here. Nobody would even know if we did anything, and you could, you know, teach me some more. I could use more practice."

Jacen took a couple of deep breaths and tried to calm himself. That was a request he had to refuse, of course, but he couldn't believe it was being made - or that refusing it didn't come automatically. "If you're asking me to teach you how to have sex, no, I won't. First of all, it wouldn't help because I'm not like Tahiri. Second, somehow I think you know more than I do. Oh, and third, you're my brother."

Anakin's mouth dropped open. "You've never slept with anyone? But you've had so many opportunities that I haven't and even I've gotten laid a couple of times."

Jacen wasn't at all confident in his own abilities, really, and that was precisely why he hadn't tried to take any of those so-called opportunities. He could barely figure out when someone was interested in him - to get from there to pressing some girl into his mattress was a few too many steps to consider. I bet someone could skip them all and invite me into a private room and I still wouldn't take it, he thought. I wouldn't know what to do, and she'd probably just laugh me right out of bed.

"Anakin, it's not like that," he started to protest. "And I still don't think this is a good idea." His excuses were ringing hollow in his own ears, and he wanted to go into solitude for an hour or so to think things over.

"I understand," Anakin said slowly. "Kiss me again, then, so you'll have more to think about when you slip away to the 'fresher?"

Jacen stammered something noncommittal, then sighed and sat back down next to Anakin. "All right, but no more."

And there they were again, Anakin's lips touching his - softly at first, then more firmly, and back to the lightest pressure. Over and over, and perhaps against his better judgment, Jacen kissed him back. He ran his fingers through Anakin's still-damp hair, stirring up the scent of his conditioner, and then opened his mouth a little bit. He slipped his tongue out, running them over Anakin's lips and then between them, inviting him to do the same.

Anakin paused just long enough for Jacen's heart to race, making him wonder if he was indeed going too far, but they'd already had one kiss, so one more that went a little farther wasn't wrong, was it? But then he responded in kind, and Anakin's tongue touched the tip of Jacen's before pushing forth into a waiting mouth, exploring sides and roof with gentle strokes. This is it, Jacen thought, and he knew that he needed to untangle himself from Anakin's arms, but he didn't want to, and was disappointed when one of those arms broke its hold on him. However, it only snaked up between them, pressed between Anakin's thin shirt and Jacen's jacket, until Anakin's hand was right over Jacen's heart.

Anakin shifted his weight and sat a few inches away from Jacen then. "Tell me that the Jedi who stands bravely before the Yuuzhan Vong isn't scared now," he said.

"I - I don't know. Maybe I am, a little."

Anakin grinned playfully and jumped to his feet before shoving Jacen down. "Wait here," Anakin said, and scampered away.

In the little while before Anakin came back, Jacen's mind raced ahead, full throttle. He kept telling himself to get up, to stop the nonsense, but to his dismay he wanted to take it higher and find out what pleasures lay ahead for them. After seconds passed and the wall-mounted chrono showed that they were turning into minutes, he gave up trying to think, and unbuttoned his pants. He sighed with relief, but even that relief was short-lived and partial. His hand wrapped around the stiffened shaft poking up through the slit in his shorts, and he found himself wishing it was Anakin's hand instead of his own, and that he wasn't alone, staring at the chrono.

"Maybe I should have said to be still and wait," Anakin teased. The door closed behind him and then the lights dimmed, leaving only a little bit of artificial light coming through tiny holes in the window blinds and the glowing of the chrono's numbers. Jacen saw Anakin's shadow approach, and climb up over him, and then Anakin sat back on Jacen's thighs, silent for a moment.

Anakin slid off and knelt on the floor. He tugged at Jacen's knees, and Jacen allowed himself to be pulled halfway off the bed, until his bottom was pressed against its edge and Anakin was kneeling between his legs. "Someone did this for me once," Anakin said naughtily, and yanked Jacen's pants the rest of the way to the floor, along with the shorts underneath.

"Who was it?" Jacen's voice came out breathier than he would have liked them to.

"Uh-uh, I'm not telling. Lean back."

Jacen put his hands on the mattress a bit behind him and leaned his weight on them, and just as he settled into position, a warm, wet sensation enveloped the end of his hard cock. His breath caught in his throat, and he felt himself stiffening further, even though a few moments before he wouldn't have thought that was even possible. Anakin's mouth moved upward, centimeter by centimeter, and his lips pulled forward and backward in rhythmic strokes. Jacen called upon his Jedi training to keep his heart steady and his breathing even, but it hadn't properly prepared him for this, and when the strain got to be too much, he let go. Nobody but Anakin was there to hear his ragged gasps, and he didn't care if the one who was causing them heard.

It was over all too soon. Cold replaced warmth, and he felt Anakin's mouth slide down for the last time, with a final lick across the swollen head. "Why are you stopping?" Jacen cried.

Anakin straightened up and rested his chin under Jacen's belly button. "Turn over, and I'll show you."

Jacen wordlessly did as asked. Anakin pulled something from the nightstand, a thin tube that he'd brought with him when he came back to the room a few minutes earlier. Jacen would have asked what it was, but he somehow knew, and he would have asked where Anakin found it, but he had his suspicions on that and didn't quite want them confirmed.

One of Anakin's hands stretched over Jacen's right buttock, gently pulling it away from the left, and he pushed one of the fingers of his other hand into the revealed opening. It felt strange, but not unpleasant, no, not at all, and the finger moved easily, made slick with thin jelly from the stolen tube. Then the tip rubbed against a sensitive wall of tissue, making Jacen suck air in rapidly and involuntarily wiggle back, inviting Anakin to touch it again. And harder the next time.

A second finger slid in to join the first, and once more Jacen felt pressure inside, sending a small shock wave of heat through his entire midsection. "You're playing with me, Ani," he moaned.

"And we both like it," Anakin said, his own voice getting huskier.

Anakin pulled his fingers out and shifted behind Jacen. For a few seconds nothing happened, and then something pressed softly against the slightly stretched anal opening. Anakin pushed a little harder, and finally Jacen's body yielded to it. He clutched at the sheets while Anakin moved inside him, forcing out the last of his breath so that he had to draw it all back in, quickly.

"Ready, Jacen?" Anakin whispered.

"As ready as you are."

And then he was carried away, on a wave of pleasure unlike anything he'd ever experienced before, tinged with just enough pain to keep him aware of his body, aware of each thrust and gliding motion in sharp clarity. He braced himself against the bed, to stay steady, and keep from smashing his front crotch against the bedsprings. Then Anakin's hands grasped his hips, and Jacen was free to give in with complete abandon.

White heat surged through him, flames licking outward through his belly and spreading through his chest, and he heard his own groans distantly. He wanted Anakin to take him faster, faster, and the message got through, more from Jacen's desperate back-and-forth rocking than any Force telepathy. He got his wish.

"Anakin!" Jacen cried, just as the fire consumed him in total and left him as a quivering pile of ashes, spent. Slower strokes continued for half a minute, and then Anakin pulled away from him to sit beside him, looking down in the faint light.

"Looks like we made a mess of the sheets," Anakin said, and grinned. "We'll have to start the laundry before Mom gets home."

Jacen pulled himself up, and only then did he notice that Anakin was right - they both came and there was no way to hide the evidence without thoroughly cleaning up. "I guess so," he agreed, and then laughed. "That was some kiss, Anakin."

"You're not bad yourself," Anakin replied.

Then Jacen caught him in a brief hug, and he did kiss him again - on the cheek this time - and pulled up his pants. Maybe things weren't quite as black and white as he thought. He wanted to make a joke, say something about not waiting for mass death before making love again, but he knew that it wouldn't happen again. Nonetheless, he was grateful that after their rift they'd been able to share something special, and he smiled back at Anakin before leaving to check the washing machine. It wasn't enough to completely patch their relationship, but it was a start.