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The Adventures of Leigh and Leia: The Labyrinth	By : Gaeliceyes Category: G through L > Labyrinth Views: 1923 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Labyrinth, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: The Labyrinth and attending characters do not belong to us. We're just borrowing them for awhile, would that we could in RL. They belong solely to Jim Henson....gotta love those muppets. Any characters that weren't in the movie are probably our creation, so please don't borrow without permission. That said, enjoy the show...er story.

**Author's Note** This fanfic is a joint effort by Gaeliceyes and Yomibitorazo. Barring the fact that I can't seem to list two authors anywhere else, I'm telling you here. It's personally my first attempt at posting a fan fiction story, so feel free to be brutally honest, but keep in mind that it's meant to be a light, amusing parody. Given that fact, there is a serious lack of depth to most of the characters. Enjoy, or as our heroine's will say, "Slante! and Kanpai!"
Leigh hauled two large paper bags out of her car and tottered unsteadily up onto the enclosed wrap around porch, her purse straps clamped tightly between her teeth. She nudged open the screen door and stepped into the porch's shaded dimness. The front door was closed, but with a minimum of contorting she managed to get one elbow up to rest against the doorbell.

She heard the faint reverberation from inside as the lyrical tone pealed, then the unmistakable sound of approaching feet and a bolt being drawn back. The red door opened to reveal a slight, sable-haired young woman with wide, curious brown eyes. The woman's jaw dropped as she took in the overburdened figure on her porch. She could barely glimpse wide grey eyes beyond the bulging paper bags.

"Hey, Leia," Leigh mumbled around the purse straps, pushing her way past the gaping
woman and into the dim foyer, carefully juggling the awkward bags. She swept into a small kitchen, adroitly avoiding stepping on the small tabby that was circling her feet. Leia followed close behind her.

"What's all this?" Leia was asking, her face fighting to conceal an amused grin, "What are you doing here?" She watched as Leigh set the bags on her kitchen table and began unloading. The bags themselves seemed to be endless, discharging item after item as if from some bottomless well of junk food. Crunch-n-munch, microwave popcorn, Doritos, ruffles, chip dip, three kinds of ice cream, two types of toppings, two 2-liters of 7-up, a half gallon of orange juice, two packages of chocolate chunk cookies, and two tubes of raw chocolate fudge cookie dough were dropped haphazardly on the kitchen table.

"Party much?" Leia asked.

Leigh just grinned and said, "Girls' Night. Explanations later." She began to pull items from the second bag. Soon bottles and decanters of a more liquid variety, Captain Morgan's, Smirnoff Ice, Smirnoff Vodka, Godiva liqueur, Brendan's Irish Cream, Droste Cocoa and a gallon of milk, joined the binge foods on the table's surface.

"Do I get explanations yet?"

"One more thing first." Leigh reached into the bottom of the bag, beginning to sing an asinine, stripper-esque tune. The top of a DVD case began to appear, soon revealing it to be a copy of Jim Henson's Labyrinth.

"Ahhh," Leia said, as though the DVD explained the copious volume of junk food and alcohol.

"Men suck, literally. Let's just say I know now why he always had a better decorating sense than me." Her voice sounded thick and strained, but she managed to keep a fake smile on her face.

Leia was already collecting two shot glasses from a high shelf before Leigh finished. She opened the vodka, pouring it to the top of each glass. They each took a glass, lifting it in the air. Leia began, "To men who suck, literally, and the Labyrinth Drinking Game!"

"Slante," Leigh shouted out her usual Irish toast.

"Kanpai!" Leia replied with the Japanese equivalent.

*****************************************************************************

Several pounds of food, several liters of alcohol, and three Labyrinth viewings later...

"...And this round shall be dedicated to "The Bulge"!" Leia slurred, referring to the noticeable bulge that could be seen between the Goblin King's legs throughout the movie. She opened two new bottles of Smirnoff Ice for herself and her friend as the movie began playing again.

"To "The Bulge"! Slante!" Leigh giggled.

"Kanpai!"

Leigh and Leia knocked back their drinks before giggling in drunken merriment. They sang off-key and offbeat with the opening song. Watching the first couple of scenes in relative silence, they continued to munch on their remaining chips, the ice cream long gone.

The young women snapped to attention as Sara told Toby a "fairy tale." At the climactic part of the story they joined in.

"Goblin King, Goblin King," they slurred, "wherever you may be! Take this child of mine far away from me!"

"Vhere did she learn that vrubbish? It doesn't even start vith 'I vish'!" Leigh quoted, Leia giggling.

"Oh Toby. I wish I did know the words to make the goblins come and take you away."

"I vish the goblins vould come and take you avay, right now...zat's not so hard iz it?" Leigh imitated the shrill sound of the goblin's voice to perfection.

"I wish, I wish..."

"Did she say it?" they laughed out. "Shut up!" The goblins replied on screen. They were leaning against one another to stay upright, turning to face each other for the next line, grinning drunkenly. Together they spoke the words out loud.

"I wish the goblins would come and take you away....right now." They laughed hysterically. The TV and lights went out.
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The Adventures of Leigh and Leia: The Labyrinth