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A Fair Trade	By : sesshoumarusmistressofthewest Category: 1 through F > Beetlejuice Views: 4507 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Beetlejuice franchise nor do I make any money from this. I just like to use them for my own twisted amusement and that is payment enough.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Beetlejuice franchise nor do I make any money from this. I simply enjoy using the characters for my own twisted amusement.
-There will be a reference to Ozzie and Harriet Nelson. A cookie cutter family show from the mid 1950s. I'm sure you can guess who BG is referring that to.-

It took a few minutes for his exhausted wife's breathing to slow and deepen, indicating she had fallen into the depths of slumber. Carefully, the poltergeist removed himself from the bed, twisting around to pull the covers over his sleeping family. His fingers brushed along his wife's jawline and bent down to kiss her soft lips. He then moved to his napping daughter and gently brushed the blonde strands away from her face before stepping back and blinking out of sight.
The poltergeist suddenly reappeared right outside of the entrance of the sitting room and juiced himself a cigarette. If he was to deal with these fuckers alone and rationally, he was going to need it. Hell, he was gonna need a beer after all this shit; fuck, he should juice one now, though the in-laws would sure love that and would most likely bitch about it too. Not that the specter gave a flying fuck what those bastards thought, but he didn’t want them causing his little wife any grief. She was already stressed about things that could go wrong in the pregnancy. As the dead man told his wife this morning, nothing was going to happen not with his juice coursing through her and his offspring veins. It didn't matter what he or anyone else said though she would be nervous, nonetheless. He'd be damned if he'd let her extended family add to it.
Bringing the cig to his lips, he sucked in a deep drag of smoke and released it slowly. These assholes were more of a pain then they should be. You'd think they'd be happy for their kid. For fuck's sake, she was happily married to a man that would never hurt her and expecting their next grandchild. Those fuckers should be grateful that the woman was still breathing and not six feet under. Though now that he was thinking about it, he wasn't too thrilled that they left her unprotected against some abusive cunt. What the hell were they thinking?! If someone did that to Bug, he'd slaughter them. A sneer twisted his features as he glared at the empty doorway and started to walk through it. 'Let's get this shit over with.'
The dead man spied the twosomes sitting across from one another, clearly discussing what they had just spoken to them about. He also noticed the old bat had dropped out of sight. Presumably had to go back to the Netherworld and deal with all those boring and whining stiffs. That’s what fucking happens when you’re on a short leash you got to come when they yank.
Betelgeuse juiced himself a chair and turned it around to straddle it. He cleared his throat and watched the fools ceased their conversation. They whipped sharply in his direction and went from being comfortable to nervous in a split second. The poltergeist couldn't help the delight that played on his lips. ‘Fuck yeah. Maybe this shits gonna be fun after all.’ The Glasgow grin widened at the thought, and if he hadn't had a cig, his hands would be rubbing together deviously.
The amused man took another puff of his cigarette and leaned over the back of the chair. He released the smoke, waving his cig at them as he started to speak. “Let’s not drag this shit out. You don’t like me and to tell ya the truth, I don’t like you all very much either.” The cig went to his lips again, pulling a long drag before continuing, “Unfortunately, Lydia does, and I don’t want to upset my pregnant wife. No need to be in the fuckin’ dog house, cuz of you folks. So I propose we make a deal. I’ll be civil towards you all if you’re all willing to be civil towards me.”
The poltergeist’s green eyes traveled to the shocked faces then went back to his father-in-law when Chuck cleared his throat and for once, bravely voiced his opinion. The portly man shook like a leaf and stuttered his words. “I…I…I’m still not sure about you, but m…m…my pumpkin is, s…s…so….as long as you swear to treat m…m…my little girl and granddaughter right t…t…then I’ll agree.”
Betelgeuse’s features sobered, and his tone held a serious edge as he eyed the stuttering man. “I swear to it, Chuck. I will always take care of my girls.”
“Now just wait,” His mother-in-law began commenting but was quickly stopped by her husband, “Honey, she is clearly happy. If Lydia didn’t want to be married to this man, you and I both know she wouldn’t be.”
“But Charles…” Delia started to whine only stopping when the stout man shook his head, giving his wife a stern look and a sharp tone. “No buts Dee. Let’s leave it as it is.” She let out a sigh and for the first time bent to her husband’s wishes.
‘Well hell, who would have thought that good ole Chuck had a pair?’ Betelgeuse silently mused as his piercing eyes left his in-laws and traveled to the goody-goodies, who were quietly talking amongst themselves. Babs looked over at him with hard eyes and her lips pinched together in disapproval. “I don’t trust you.”
Ooh, she didn’t trust him. Boo fuckin’ hoo. It wasn’t like that was something new to him. He knew the stuck-up bitch distrusted him. She never had and most likely never will. Betelgeuse gave the dead woman a glare of his own while he sneered at her. “Well that makes the two of us, cuz I sure as hell don’t fuckin’ trust you Babs. Seen any sandworms lately?”
She sent a cheeky grin his way as she smoothed out her dress in her lap. “Want to find out?”
“As long as you know that you’ll have to deal with my wifey, Babs and ya’ll seen what she did to Junie. Well shit, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.” He smirked widely and took another drag of his cigarette. The haughty smutbag hadn’t thought of that one when she was running her overly large mouth. If the bitch brought in sandworms, he was bringing her with him this time, and only one of them would be coming back.
Babs’s superior grin faltered slightly and looked as if she was weighing his words before opening her trap once again. “I still don’t like you.”
Fuck. Didn’t they get it? Did drowning damage their brains? Seriously, how conceited and selfish could this dead woman get? “This isn’t about you or me, Babs. You don’t have to fuckin’ like me, but you see, Lydia does. If either of you gave a lick about her, you’d be willing to shut your goddamn mouths and suck it the hell up like I’m willin’ to do.”
The poltergeist's gaze flickered to Harriet’s husband and watched his words begin to soak in. Good old Ozzie shoved his glasses back up the bridge before he drew in his wife to discuss whatever the hell he was hashing out with her.
Betelgeuse fought the urge to gag at the wholesomeness that this couple tried to portray. It wasn’t fuckin’ normal to be so pure and wholesome all the motherfuckin’ time. Did Ozzie and Harriet ever get into a good row? Shit. Everyone has some type of imperfections, and that doesn’t go away even when you're dead.
When the Nelson’s finally pulled away from each other, the dead woman gave the poltergeist a distrustful glare then sighed loudly in surrender. “Fine, for Lydia, we will. I still don’t trust you, though.”
Has she not got the news flash by now? He could care less about how she fucking feels. He’s not a motherfuckin’ guidance counselor. “I don’t fuckin’ care if you do. The only opinion I care about is my wife upstairs.” He snarled at the dead woman and stood up. He needed to get the hell out of there before he throttled the stuck-up bitch. If he did that, his beautiful wife would lock up her snatch tighter than a fucking mouse trap. “Well folks, this has been fun and now that we have things squared away.” A flick of his hand made the chair disappear while he adjusted his cuffs and grinned widely at the group. “I’m gonna get out of here before I land in the fuckin’ dog house. See ya later folks.” His hand waved to his in-laws then aimed the bird at the displeased dead woman before he blinked out of sight.
Upstairs, the poltergeist blinked into view and began to troll the family homestead all the while scanning for a good window to chill and smoke a cig in.
When he couldn't find a window, his frustration rolled off him in waves and he growled loudly. ‘Where the fuck was all the goddamn windows? This must have been that fat fucks idea and one that Red should have ignored.’ He was beginning to doubt his in-law’s decision-making skills. Shit decorating talent. Shittier safety and parenting abilities. His pretty wife must have gotten everything from her maternal side because she clearly didn’t get it from these assholes.
The poltergeist came to a blank wall and snapped his fingers. He created a large and open window so he could kill the time as he waited for his little family to wake up. Betelgeuse sat down inside of the sill bending on leg against the frame while the other skimmed the wooden floor. Another cigarette appeared in his fingers, and he took a long draw from it then juiced a cold long neck. He drank deep from the bottle and moved his vision to the vast and colorful land.
The dead man sat there for a few minutes just watching the leaves fall from the trees, and the birds flock together to fly south. He occasionally took a draw of either his beer or cigarette. His green eyes never left the scene as his smoky voice piped up. “You just gonna stand there all day, Junie or are you gonna come out and tell me what’s on your mind? You know in this day and age, what you’re doin’ would be considered stalkin’. Do I need to file a report?”
The old woman stepped out of the shadows with a lit cigarette of her own and rolled her eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself, Geuse. I’m not doing this for kicks.” She sucked in some smoke as she continued. “So, what’s the angle here?”
A bark of amused laughter spouted out of him then he took a sip of his bottle before answering the old caseworker. “For once, I don’t fuckin’ have one. Believe it or not, Junie, I like bein’ a married man. Who the hell would have thought that?”
Betelgeuse wasn’t lying. The specter really did enjoy being wedded to his little woman and couldn’t help but relish in the benefits that came with it. Not that that was the only reason he was with her, no it was just a bonus. Lydia was like no other breather he had ever met, and unlike everyone else who was always nervous about what he might do to them, his wife was not. No, the gorgeous woman barely blinks an eye at him or his antics. Hell, most of the time, she would just laugh and shake her raven head at him in mirth.
The dead man swiped a drink of his beer and smiled at his thoughts. It wasn’t just being a husband that he adored but also that fact that was now a father. Fuck, he never thought he’d ever get the chance to be one. Bug, well his little daughter was something special. He may not have conventionally conceived her, but Lucy was his, nonetheless. She would forever be his firstborn, even with the new one in the oven.
Juno’s raspy voice echoed in the hallway and rudely cut into his thoughts. “Cut the crap, Geuse! You always have an angle.”
His green eyes levelled at her persistence but kept his gaze on the scenery and continued to puff on his cigarette. “Not this time, Junie.” Didn’t any of these fuckers realize that this time it was different? Were their heads so far up their asses that they couldn’t understand his priorities might have changed. Christ, he was surrounded by a bunch of ignorant stupid cunts who think they know what the fuck they’re talkin’ about.
The mature caseworker scoffed lightly then voiced her opinion while she eyed him carefully and moved her free hand to her hip. “Why is it different this time around?”
His mind drifted to his pregnant wife and kid once again and it caused his lips to twitch upwards as he sucked in some more smoke. “I found something I want more than my own fuckin’ freedom.”
A thin brow rose, and her light eyes flashed with skepticism while she blew out another puff of smoke. Her tone sounded unconvinced when she spoke next. “You want those breathers more than your freedom?”
Of course, the old girl didn’t believe him. Junie had never been his biggest fan and doubted everything that made him the ghost with the most. Betelgeuse drew another pull from his long neck and nodded his blonde head as he grinned wildly out the window. “Hell yeah I do and they ain’t just breathers. They’re my family, and they calm the fuckin’ beast.” The poltergeist didn’t think the old bat was grasping what was coming out of his mouth. His family calmed the raging storm of insanity that beat at him ever since he’d fucking woken up. A sense of peace had finally settled over his undead life; one that he’d thought would never cross his darkened path.
Betelgeuse could feel her steely gaze on his person and knew she was trying to gauge the truthfulness of the situation. Not that he could blame the old girl. He did lie to her quite a bit in the past. Hell, he lied to her a lot.
“Hm. For once in your afterlife, I think you’re actually telling the truth.” The old woman snorted then sobered when she spoke next. “Geuse, the higher-ups are not happy that you are free.”
The poltergeist finally turned her way, his green eyes cold and his tone serious. “I don’t fuck around when it comes to my family, Junie.” He lifted his cig to his mouth, sucking in a large amount then blowing it in her direction. “I know that I haven’t taken anything seriously since I woke up, but I do now. My wife and kid are the only reason I haven’t let loose and caused all that mayhem that you’re fuckin’ worried about. All you dickwads are safe from my motherfuckin’ wraith.”
“I’m sure they will be comforted by that, Geuse.” Sarcasm was thick on her tongue as she rolled her light eyes and sucked in some more smoke. “Though when they hear you knocked up your breather, they will most likely have another fit. You have not just one child with your juice running through them but now a second. You and I both know they’ll look for any reason to lock you up again and those kids of yours too.”
It was one thing to mess with him; it was another to fuck with his kids. They better hope they don’t do anything reckless because if they do, he can’t promise there will be a Netherworld for the dead to go to. The glow from his green eyes intensified, and his icy tone was colder than before. “If they fuck with my kids, there will be no amount of locking me up that will stop me. I will tear the piece of shit Netherworld apart, and that’s a fuckin’ promise, Junie. As I said, all you assmonkeys are safe unless you fuck with my family then I ain’t holdin’ the fuck back.”
His piercing gaze dug into the light ones of Junos’ and she began to twitch, a sure sign that the old woman was getting nervous. She puffed on her cigarette before carefully choosing her next words. “Now don’t be hasty, Geuse.”
Sneering, Betelgeuse pointed his cigarette at the dead woman and let her know he meant what he said. “I ain’t bein’ hasty. I’m tellin’ the truth. The higher-ups fuck with my kids, and they'll see what I really can do. So, how about ya go and tell all those cockburgers that, okay?”
Her hand shook when she raised it to her thin lips and took in a long drag. Juno blew out the smoke nervously and reluctantly nodded, “Fine, I’ll relay the message though you may want to have your wife checked out by someone from the Netherworld. It would make the higher-ups less jumpy about exposure and the need to do something about it.”
He scoffed loudly, and his gaze rocked to the ceiling. “I don’t fuckin’ care what those jagoffs are worried about, but I’ll think about what you said. I will have to talk to the little woman before makin’ a decision like that. I don’t want to end up in the dog house cuz I enjoy getting’ some from my tiny wife.”
“I do not want to hear about your sex life, Geuse. Keep that crap to yourself.” said the old woman dryly as she continued to smoke. “You know, you were supposed to stay away from the Deetz girl?”
“Yeah well, that shit ended the night that she called me all fuckin’ bloodied and holed up in a bathroom.” At the mere thought of that night, his fist clenched around the bottle and ground out his words. “If I had known what I do now, I would have done things a little differently with the asscock.” Yes, he would have taken his time and showed the little prick exactly what it was like to be in a fucking horror movie. The little cunt deserved to be tortured until he cried for deaths sweet release.
Juno eyed the poltergeist critically before asking the question she had been wanting to know. “What did you do with the breather?
The sitting specter cast her a chilling smile, and his vivid eyes gleamed with pleasure. “I beat the shit out of him till the little thundercunt took his last fuckin’ breath.” It had been one helluva beating too. One that Betelgeuse would have thoroughly delighted in if his temper hadn’t gotten the best of him. All the poltergeist could remember was how frightened and bloodied Lydia had been, and them making their deal then it was all a red blur after that. Just thinking about it got his blood boiling once again.
The dead caseworker looked nervous again but didn’t stop her inquiry. “Where is he then?”
His chilling smile widened while he took a long hit from his cig and blew several rings. “I made sure his ass got sent to Titan. I’m sure he loved the sandworms; I know they sure loved him.” He chuckled amusedly with a shrug of his shoulders and nursed the last of his beer. “I thought you’d appreciate no paperwork.”
Juno’s steel stare sharpened shaking her shaggy head and pointing a gnarled finger at the ghost. “That wasn’t your call to make.”
Betelgeuse’s fist tightened around the bottle once again, and he bit back a cruel snarl. “Fuck if it wasn’t. That son of a bitched touched what didn’t belong to him.”
“She didn’t belong to you either.” snarked the old bitty with a raised brow and knowing look.
Flashing another toothy grin and slapping lightly at his thigh, he snorted loudly before informing the ancient bird what was what. “Sorry to break it to ya, Junie but she had been mine since the day I’d seen her all dressed in black and morose as a little goth maiden could get. I just hadn’t recognized it at the time.” It was the one time he had been slow to the game. The fucking woman scrambled his senses and threw him off-kilter without him even realizing it.
“I thought that was just a ploy to get your freedom?” Juno smoked her cigarette and asked with a large amount of curiosity.
The specter’s jeweled eyes began to glow brightly, and a silly expression graced his distinctive features as he spoke to the deceased woman. “Oh, it had been. It wasn’t until I was hanging around in that goddamn waiting room that I realized I couldn’t get the little minx out of my fuckin’ mind. It’s amazin’ what a couple of years can do when your thoughts are centered on one thing. You begin seeing things a helluva lot differently.”
For a few minutes, the mature caseworker puffed on her cigarette and contemplated his words then returned her curious gaze to his bulky form. Her forehead creased as she mumbled more to herself than to the poltergeist. “It seems some things have changed…”
Betelgeuse opened his kisser to retort but stopped when his attention was diverted from Juno to the other end of the hall. The sound of his daughter’s cries and wife’s voice bounced off the walls as they called out to him. He turned back to his ex-boss, flicking the cigarette out the window and juiced the empty beer bottle away. “It seems my wife and kid are awake so I gotta cut this conversation short. It was fun, Junie. We should talk more often.” After that, he jumped up for the window sill and proceeded to ignore the old bat as he waited for his family to come and find him.
- Hi :) What did you all think?
I have to say that I liked writing just with Betelgeuse and may have to do it more often. Plus, I love having the opportunity to swear more than usual, though I swear a lot either way so I'm not even sure if there was a big difference.
I also have some one-shots in mind for when this story has ended. I think I may write one about the night between Betelgeuse and Luke. It will be extremely dark and something that I have never done.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter and please review to let me know. Until the next update ^.^
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A Fair Trade