Reconciliation | By : LexiLupin Category: Star Wars (All) > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 3594 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
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Part IX
It was quiet, but not in a horribly oppressive way. Calm, peaceful even.
But it was unfamiliar, and unfamiliar things put him on edge, made him wary of what secrets and surprises lay hidden beneath the surface. This place though… it looked more like a playroom, assorted toys and games tucked away in corners, put away neatly on shelves, in boxes. Despite the cleanliness, the room did not have a neglected feeling- it felt well-used.
The thought barely crossed his mind before the sound of soft laughter drifted to his ears, and he turned slowly towards a door he hadn't before seen as it opened. Unconcerned, he watched a tall, regal woman step through, two small children clinging to either hand, and twisting around and tagging one another behind her back in some made-up game to which, undoubtedly, only they were aware of the rules.
Upon entering the room, they dashed forward and began running about on tiny legs, hiding behind furniture, shelves, chasing one another with a complete and utter childhood innocence. Neither they, nor the white-haired woman, paid him any attention.
One of the children fell- he saw the boy's brown eyes well up in tears before the other crossed back towards him, sitting down beside him on the ground, and wrapping chubby arms around him. He instantly ceased crying and beamed at his sister, so alike him in appearance, especially at that young age…
"Even then, we were each other's strength," a low voice murmured by his ear, and he turned in surprise at the newly materialized form, tense green eyes meeting calm brown ones for several seconds before he turned back to the children, playing once more. "We weren't even old enough to understand who we were, what we were… our connection just came naturally."
"I never had a sibling," he found himself responding automatically.
Quizzical eyes turned to him, but he remained staring steadfastly ahead. "Having a sibling and having a twin… those are two entirely different things. A sibling is a part of you, but a twin… you're one and the same. Their joy is your joy," her eyes drifted over the giggling toddlers, "their pain is your pain…"
He bowed his head, but she paid no attention to his discomfort, reaching instead for his hand, and he started as hers fit so lightly in his, barely there, but grasping firmly as she pulled him along behind her effortlessly.
The concepts of time and space ceased to make sense as they half-walked, half-drifted through a catacomb of tunnels; oddly, this didn't bother him as he allowed her to lead him onward, until they reached a blast door with a number of warnings and security signs posted about it. Ignoring them, she depressed a lever, and he cringed, awaiting the promised alarms and lockdown protocols; they never came.
Shrugging off the brief concern as fast as it had come on, he followed her out onto a rocky ledge, briefly noting the blast door sliding shut behind them. "Is…" he went red as she turned and peered at him. "Is the air breathable."
For a moment, she stared calmly at the ridiculous question… and then she let out soft peals of laughter that were pure mirth, not mocking in the slightest. "Oh…" she sighed, "it doesn't matter. We could sit in open space right now, plunge into the heart of a nebula right now and be fine." She watched him for a moment before asking, "Would you like to?"
"Sorry?"
"Would you prefer to see a nebula?"
His confused eyes drifted over her earnest features before he turned away and looked up. "No," he murmured. "This is… nice." As the words left his mouth, a single arc of lightning illuminated the sky above them. He started, and then watched more closely as an entire electricity storm seemed to light up the clouds, which were shifting color with surprising speed. "Are you doing that?"
"No."
"Where are we?"
"Anoth." He'd never heard of it. "We lived here- me and my brothers- when we were very young; it was our protection, our safe-haven…"
And he understood why they were there.
X-X-X-X
Some minutes later- or was it days?- she turned from where she sat, knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around her small figure, to look over at him, drawing his attention from the storm up above the clouds. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't come."
He struggled, knowing that the truth wasn't exactly ideal, but equally aware that she would see through a lie immediately. "I didn't want to; Jacen… persuaded me."
Another soft peal. "Oh? How did he do that?"
A moment's pause… "By… yelling at me?"
She smiled broadly and turned her own gaze back up to the clouds before unfurling her body and lying back against the rocky ground. "Why didn't you want to come?"
"You know why," he said quietly.
"Yes," she acknowledged immediately. "But you have to know why as well. This is about you as much as me."
That drew his gaze back to her, and he glanced down at her supine figure. She looked… whole, innocent, relaxed… in other words, everything she had not been the last several times he had put eyes on her. Her eyes were soft and warm, her slightly-parted lips were turned up in a small smile, her hands folded lightly across her stomach.
"I couldn't bear to face you; I was a coward."
Unperturbed, she turned and eyed him seriously. "Is it me you can't bear to face? Or yourself?"
Well… that was certainly something worth thinking over. "Both?" he suggested. "To face one is to face both." She seemed to mull that thought for a while… hours, perhaps, while he stared lazily up at the sky, eventually lying down as well, tucking his hands behind his head. "Why are you here?"
For a long time, she remained silent. Then she countered solemnly, repeating his own words back to him. "You know why."
"Me."
Sitting up suddenly and surprising him, she whirled around and stared anxiously into his eyes. "You?" she asked. "What you are? What you were? What you'll always be, now that you've had a taste of power, of the dark side?" He said nothing. "Zekk, I need to know." She leaned over him, eyes wide and beseeching, though he avoided her gaze. "Please…"
"I could never hurt you again," he finally said, eyes squeezed shut. "It would kill me."
"That isn't what I asked you."
After several more minutes- or hours- he mumbled, "Then I can't answer you; not yet. I don't know what I am anymore."
Unexpectedly, she smiled softly down at him after that, stood, and offered him her hand. Hesitating only a moment, he took it and was easily pulled to his feet. "Come," she said. "We have work to do."
X-X-X-X
"Do you remember the day we met?"
He blinked and looked around, finding himself unexpectedly in a familiar place. The air whipped around them as they perched- somehow, precariously and completely safely all at once- on a high ledge that sat five meters diagonally above a mid-level walkway in the depths of Coruscant, though a direct fall would have plunged them more than a kilometer to the planet's surface.
"Of course. The two of you came out of nowhere. I thought you were a bratty little pest of a girl." As he spoke, two nine-year-old, brown-haired and brown-eyed children came dashing down the walkway, clinging to each other, looking over their shoulders and laughing as they covered the open distance between buildings.
She chuckled at his assessment and nodded, peering down below them as a taller, older boy emerged from a window and leapt gracefully down on the path- nearly landing atop the startled twins.
"Hey!" the eleven-year-old exclaimed, clearly not expecting such unusual visitors to that part of the city. "Who are you?"
The two exchanged looks, cocked identical brows, and turned back to the boy. "He's Jacen," the girl pointed.
"She's Jaina."
The older boy seemed annoyed. "I mean… what are you doing here? You don't look like you live down here…" he took in their rumpled, but nice clothing, their kempt appearances. "You look like you live… up there," he gestured skywards with a grudging look on his face.
The girl scowled. "So?" she crossed her short arms over her chest. "We can come down here if we want."
"Yeah," the boy added, grinning. "We got lost on the surface when we weren't even three yet and almost got eaten by cannibals."
That seemed to impress the dark-haired boy slightly. He held out a hand to the other boy and they shook, an amusing sight from such young children, in retrospect. "That's astral; I'm Zekk."
The girl frowned and held out her hand. The older boy eyed it distastefully and then muttered, "You're only a girl."
In response, she scowled and lashed out with her foot, kicking him in the shin. He hopped on one leg, let out a surprised exclamation, and watched as she turned and stiffly walked back the way she had come with her brother, head held high, evoking an image of her stately mother.
"That hurt," he whispered to the figure sitting next to him, who was smiling wistfully down as the scene dissolved. Suddenly, they were standing idly outside the Imperial Palace and, after a moment, he spotted his younger self lurking in the shadows, avoiding the random security patrols, waiting… and then he brightened, seeing the twins dodge around a statue and come running across the plaza. They were older now… maybe by a year.
"Hey, Zekk," the young girl's eyes were bright, and he grinned at her, all hostility from the prior scene forgotten during the intervening months.
"Good, you got out," the boy's emerald eyes glinted in the low light. "What's the plan then?"
The twins exchanged wicked looks. "Ever been to Dhalbreth Square?" Jacen asked.
"No… should I have?"
They just grinned and led the way, older selves shadowing them as they wound there way with impressive navigational skills through the area surrounding the palace, in the middle of the night. His heart caught a little in his throat when he saw the three of them shed their outermost layers of clothing and plunge into the breathlessly cold fountain in their undergarments, young enough to be immodest about it and not care, young enough to overlook the piercing cold in light of the fun they were having.
He remembered it like it was yesterday.
A loud laugh cut off suddenly, and he saw his younger self pressing a hand to the girl's mouth and a finger to his own lips, gesturing towards an approaching pair of security personnel. Glowfish were lighting up the area dramatically, and the trio slipped noiselessly out of the water, grabbing their tunics and shoes, and dashed across the square.
The scene shifted, and he was standing, watching two different security guards flank the three wet children while they stood, shifting nervously from foot to foot as they waited for someone to open the door of the Solos' apartment. They weren't waiting long; Chewbacca opened the door and growled in exasperation, Han and Leia shortly behind and looking relieved.
"Thank you, Lieutenant," Leia addressed the guard in charge. "Our apologies…"
And she was ushering the three wet children inside, snapping at Threepio to prepare some hot beverages, and rounding on them as they sat meekly at the table. "You really can't go running off like that, especially in the middle of the night!" she exclaimed, before seeming to really register that a third child who she didn't know was present. "And… you must be Zekk?"
"Yes, ma'am," he murmured, intimidated by her high stature in life. "I can be on my own way home now…"
"Mom," young Jaina put in, "can Zekk stay here tonight? His… folks are off-planet…"
Leia stared at her daughter, seeming to recognize a half-lie but choosing not to press the issue in the middle of the night. "Fine," she muttered, "if Jacen doesn't mind sharing his bed…" the boy shook his head enthusiastically. "But stop changing the subject, young lady! Coruscant can be a dangerous place, and the last thing any of us want is for you to get yourselves kidnapped…"
The image dissolved quickly and he looked around in confusion before recognizing a room in the Jedi temple on Yavin- her room, he guessed, by the litter of spare parts and half-assembled machinery. He turned around, watching, waiting, but only saw her standing, eyes closed, leaning back against a cool stone wall, breathing deeply.
"Sorry," she murmured. "Just… give me a minute."
X-X-X-X
"Master Katarn…" the Jedi Master looked up from where he'd been lightly dozing in a chair, vaguely attuned to the three other presences in the room- the alert, watchful Jacen, the silent, closed-off Jaina, and Zekk, who hovered somewhere in between a trance and unconsciousness.
"Yes, Jacen?"
He pointed to a monitor above Jaina's head, and Katarn frowned, recognizing the variances from what they'd seen since she'd arrived. "I think something's happening… can you go get Cilghal?"
X-X-X-X
They were back in the Solos' suite, watching the girl- older now, thirteen- crack open the door to admit her friend. Words were not exchanged- not needed- as they crept back down the hallway to the bedroom that the twins still shared, having refused repeatedly to sleep apart, to have her switch rooms with their younger brother.
Jacen was asleep; they seemed unperturbed by this fact, both knew from experience that he was a heavy sleeper, that they would not disturb him. Quietly though, they slid beneath the covers of her bed, turning their faces inward so that they could whisper for hours, ignoring the need for sleep, simply enjoying the bittersweet time before they left in the morning, not to return for several months from the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV.
The first light of dawn was creeping through the window when she finally turned the conversation to the sad reason that they were huddled on the bed to share their last possible hours together. "I don't want to go."
He grinned, but looked upset himself. "Sure you do. You and Jacen can't wait to be Jedi."
"Well…" she wanted to deny it, but couldn't lie to him. "Okay, then I wish you could come with us. It isn't fair."
He huffed, a sound of mock-indignation. "What, sit around and learn to 'control my feelings' and move rocks around with my head? Thanks, but I'll leave that to you guys…"
But they could both read the sadness in his voice, the resignation that the two friends with whom he had grown so close during the last four years would be leaving him in the morning, that he'd only see them a handful of times a year while they were training… and then, who knew…?
"Your turn."
He spun, having been so caught up in the innocently tender scene that he forgot about his companion. "What?"
She took his hand in his and led him from the bedroom… but rather than emerge in the hallway of the Solo apartment, he found that they were stepping into another familiar place… a horridly familiar place that made his stomach turn and his hands clench. "Jaina…"
Suddenly, they were there, his dark, bare-chested form looming over her timid, robe-clad one as he looked into her eyes… and then she was pulling away, and the ire in his eyes was heart-wrenching as he seized her wrist before tearing at the knot of her sash, her painfully shocked voice demanding an explanation…
And then they were in the twin's cell and he was pulling at her undershirt before pausing, fury rising in his face, and abandoning his efforts in order to send Force-lightning at her cowering body instead, not even stopping when she was unconscious…
And then he was pulling the robe from her shoulders while she shook, wearing a skimpy nightgown that made her feel humiliated without him even touching her… and she turned to retort and he was smacking her and driving her to the floor, landing a kick against her ribs, and cuffing her about the head…
"Stop!" he sobbed, "stop."
"Why?"
Anger rose in him, but he pushed it away, knowing that he had no right, no place being angry with her. Memories poured forth faster now, and he struggled to keep up… he was ordering her to sleep in the bed… she was waking up with his hand resting on her hip… he was hurling more lightning, at Jacen this time…
"You need to accept it, Zekk," her tone softened and he looked up, surprised to see that the scene had shifted again, and they were standing at the Holographic Zoo on Coruscant, watching their young selves huddle down in a tech center, giggling madly as they worked at the programming… "You can't understand what you are- who you are- now, if you don't know what you were then. And to know what you were then, you have to be willing to look deep inside yourself, to search and find out how you became what you did. How you turned from this," she gazed longingly over at their eleven and thirteen year-old selves, "to a tool of the dark side, willing to do anything to achieve your master's ultimate goal…"
"How can you stand to do this?" he demanded, eyes pleading. "How can you watch me hurt you like that…?"
She smiled serenely. "Here … I cannot be hurt."
"But I can?"
Her brows quirked. "Only if you allow it." He frowned, confused. "Come now, Zekk… your turn."
X-X-X-X
Luke stepped through the doorway of the medical ward with a frown on his face. It was the middle of the night, but he had sensed an unusual amount of activity happening down here, and it seemed prudent to investigate.
He was unprepared for the bizarre scene that met his eyes though.
As he stepped through the partial privacy divider around Jaina's bed, he really noticed the tension in the air that had been only a vague sensation before. His attention was first drawn to where Jacen Solo and Kyle Katarn stood, apparently engaged in a largely silent battle of wills, but hissing at one another from a meter apart near the foot of the bed.
Cilghal stood at the head of the bed, casting wearied looks at them and paying close attention to a particular monitor. She shot Luke a glance as he stepped through, but his gaze was quickly drawn, brow quirking in confusion, to the bed itself.
Jaina remained as still and lifeless as ever- but her hand was curled tightly around the limp hand of Zekk, who sat with his upper body slumped across her bed, the top of his head resting against her upper arm, and looking for all the galaxy as lifeless as she did.
Striding forward, drawing the attention of the bickering males, he reached out a hand to lay it against Zekk's head… and, surprising him immensely, it was Cilghal who stopped him. "I'm sorry, Master Skywalker," she murmured, shooting another look at Jacen and Katarn. "We've been trying to decide if interruption is… prudent."
"Interruption?" he peered around at the other two, noting Jacen's flustered, slightly guilty expression, and Katarn's impatient one. "Jacen," he narrowed his eyes at his nephew, "would you care to explain…?" he gestured back towards his unconscious niece and the young man who had made her that way.
He pursed his lips but did as asked. "When Cilghal and I tried to reach her after you all left, she spoke to me- briefly- before shoving me back out of her mind. And when I went to meditate, to try to understand what she wanted, I realized that I have been letting my anger interfere, and that because of it, I ignored the last thing that Jaina asked of me."
"Which was?"
He shrugged. "I couldn't understand why- but when she woke up during our jump here, she wanted to see Zekk; I didn't want him near her, so I let him ignore the request, when he owed it to her, to give her the chance to confront him, to understand…"
Luke eyed him, not quite sure what to make of that. "So… you think that she was 'waiting' for Zekk?"
"Well," he flushed, "and for me to… start to let go of my anger. She ah… also told me that I was letting Brakiss win."
"I see." He took in the other Jedi Master's tense expression. "So what exactly is the argument here?"
Cilghal and Katarn both turned to look at Jacen. "Well… it's been nearly four hours… and Master Katarn is concerned that, not only will this not work, but that it'll only drive Jaina further into her own mind; Cilghal is worried that we should hook Zekk up to some monitors if we allow this to continue; and if we don't, we have no good idea of how to separate the two of them short of slapping Zekk back into the bracelet."
"Which could be damaging, mid-trance like this," Luke nodded. "And what do you think, Jacen?"
He shrugged. "I think that if she didn't want him there, she wouldn't have let him in. Cilghal and I spent nearly an hour searching for her, only to have her toss me back out with no effort at all, and I'm her brother."
Luke considered that a moment, then shot a look at Cilghal. "What's your read on the situation?"
Her flipper-like hands spread wide. "Something is happening, Master Skywalker; Jaina's brainwaves are spiking faster and more dramatically, suggesting that, whatever Zekk is doing, it's causing some reaction… whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is, unfortunately, impossible to tell."
"And it's been four hours?" They nodded collectively, and he sighed. "I really wish you'd have run this by me… or your parents," he gave Jacen a pointed look, and his nephew looked down, abashed. "But what's done is done… Cilghal, let's see what we can rig in here to keep Zekk properly hydrated and make sure he's still functioning normally…" his look drifted back over Jaina's face. "And maybe we should wake Han and Leia…"
"No," Jacen said firmly. Luke opened his mouth to give him a shocked admonishment, but Jacen beat him. "I'm sorry, Uncle Luke, but dad won't let this continue and you know it. Zekk needs to see this through."
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