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More Than Darkness	By : SaMe Category: M through R > Once Upon A Time In Mexico Views: 4591 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the movie that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 86
- 87
- 88
"Jeffrey�"
The night air was warm, soft, scented with growing things and the tang of
ozone. The voice that called to him was so wrapped up in other sensations that
he tasted and felt it as much as he heard it. "Jeffrey�"
�Vixen?� he
called back, recognising her voice and struggling to discern where it was
coming from. He had better than decent hearing, but the voice was hard to track
because it seemed to be coming from all around him rather than from one place.
�Where are you?�
"Waiting
for you," was the teasing reply. "I'm where you most want me."
Jeffrey
grinned. He liked the sound of this. He rose to his feet�he was rather confused
to note that he was sitting under a large tree in the back yard�and wandered
into the house. Only when he got into the house the interior suddenly changed
and he found himself in a hotel room. A very familiar looking
hotel room. �Vixen?� he called out again, stepping into the bedroom. His
breath caught in his throat as he saw her. �What are you doing, vixen?� he
breathed, somehow knowing that something was wrong with his surroundings but
not what. He could see the doors that led to their balcony and the bed�he
suddenly found himself uninterested by the d�cor as she rose to greet him.
"I saved
it for you," she whispered. Lights - candles - flared gently, shining off
the rich red silk of her negligee.
�Saved what,
vixen?� he said through suddenly dry lips.
"Don't you
recognize it?" A secretive smile played on her lips. "I wore it the
night you claimed me."
�Oh. Well I
appreciate that, vixen,� he said after a moment, forcing enough blood away from
his groin to his brain so he could form coherent sentences. He took a large
step towards her, not taking any more for fear that he would find himself
taking her without pause and ending things far too quickly for his liking. �You
look exquisite. Good enough to eat, even.�
"That
could be arranged." She stepped aside, revealing a tray filled with fruit,
melted chocolate, whipped cream... It was just what he had wanted without
knowing it.
�You read my
mind,� he said, a wicked grin making its way to his face. �What have I done to
deserve such a gift?� he asked with a curious tilt of his head, taking another
step closer to her.
"You love
me. Isn't that enough?"
�More than,� he
agreed, moving to greet her at the fruit and chocolate laden tray. He picked up
a single strawberry and traced it along the curve of her bottom lip, inviting
her to bite if she wished.
She nibbled at
it playfully while watching him from under lowered lids.
He smiled at her
actions and dipped a single finger in the chocolate, tracing it along her jaw.
He then moved in to lick every trace away slowly. �Perfection,� he sighed once
her skin was free of the sticky treat. �I love the red, you know I do, vixen
but I�d rather you be wearing nothing at all. Take it off for me.�
Stepping back
from him - yet still maintaining that all important eye contact - Salida
teased. She let her fingertips lightly run up her body and into her hair where
she released the combs holding her hair back. Shaking her head, she allowed it
to settle in dark waves over her shoulders and chest. That was when she reached
for the straps of her negligee and slowly pulled them down her shoulders.
�Just like
that,� Jeffrey agreed, feeling his pajama pants�hadn�t they been leather a
moment ago?�tighten as he responded to her little show. He knew that the
instant she returned to his side he would be running his hands through her long
hair. He could smell the scent of it from where he stood and sighed in
contentment as her locks parted to expose her naked chest.
"Are you
sure this is what you want?" Her words were tempting. "If anything
were possible, is this what you'd want?"
He hesitated.
That was quite a question. �Anything?�
"Anything,
lover." Salida circled around
behind him; when he tried to turn he found he was frozen in place. "Tell
me." Her arms slipped around his waist as she pressed herself against him.
�Do you�do you
remember when you killed those men in the alley? You were covered in blood, a
blood-soaked goddess. You didn�t like it, but god how I wanted you then. You
were violent and erotic and I would have taken you there in the alley if we had
had time. That�s�what I want. To see you kill. To see you inflict pain and
suffering on others. On me. I don�t care. I want you
bathed in blood. I want you to be unstoppable and powerful and dangerous.� His
breath was coming quick as he finished.
"Alright." She kissed his back. "Call for some
room service."
He moved to do
so, not having to ask her what she wanted because somehow he just knew.
"Make sure
to order some champagne," came her whispered
order as she disappeared into the shadows.
�What are we
celebrating?� he asked, hanging up the phone after placing the order. �Vixen?� He couldn�t quite see where she had gone, so he
moved to follow after her.
There was a
glint of silver in the shadows, candlelight reflecting off the blade in her
hand. "Answer the door, Jeffrey. The room service is here. Can't you hear
them knocking?"
Jeffrey took a
quick intake of breath, excited as to what was going to come next. She was
really going to do it. By fuck, she was really going to kill someone again
right here in front of him. He opened the door and stepped aside out of the
line of fire.
"Room
service." A short,
red-headed woman was at the door.
"Please
bring it inside," came Salida's all but ethereal
voice. "There's money on the table."
The woman
hesitated, but came in. Salida circled around behind her, closing and locking
the door, leaving them all cloaked in darkness.
"What's
going on here?" The woman sounded scared. Somehow, even though it was
dark, Jeffrey could see his vixen as she came up behind the woman and held the
knife to her throat.
"I wanted
you to meet my husband," Salida whispered loud enough for both her audience
and her captive to hear.
�I�m sure the
pleasure is all hers, vixen,� Jeffrey said with a wicked smirk as he moved into
the woman�s�her appearance triggered something in his memory but he ignored
it�line of sight. His grin only widened as he watched the hope of rescue die in
the woman�s eyes as he made no move to help her.
"Jeffrey,
don't you want to give our pretty guest a kiss?" Salida's eyes twinkled at
him over the woman's shoulder.
�Somehow I
don�t think she�d appreciate the kisses I have to offer her, vixen. I�ve been
known to bite,� he said wryly as he moved to stand closer to the redhead all
the same.
"I bet she
tastes delicious though. And I don't doubt you miss the taste of despair."
The knife dipped, producing a bloody scratch.
�Maybe a small
taste,� he agreed, not at all hesitant about kissing this woman in front of his
wife. His eyes found the bloodied cut along her neck and his head lowered as he
tongued it clean, shivering in pleasure as he was filled with the heady sense
of power of life and death over another human being.
The woman
whimpered and tried to shy away, but Salida wrapped a hand in the abundant
curls and jerked her head back to expose more of the woman's throat. "Be
still," she chided gently. "My husband would like a kiss."
Jeffrey�s hand
moved to follow the curve of Salida�s breast even as he continued to kiss the
blood away from the woman�s neck. His tongue danced over her pulse point and he
smiled to feel how rapid her heartbeat was. He drank in her fear as if were a
tangible thing surrounding her. �I think she�s afraid of us, vixen. And we
haven�t really even done anything to her yet. I think I�m offended.�
"Perhaps
you ought to soothe her." Jeffrey could see the arousal in Salida's eyes.
�You think so?�
Jeffrey asked rhetorically, moving in close to bite at the woman�s ear, his
eyes on Salida as he did so. The woman whimpered and he knew she could feel the
hard ridge of his arousal pressing up against her legs. He ignored her.
"Well, I'd
have to kill her..." Somehow Jeffrey knew his vixen was thinking about an
empty warehouse-cum-torture chamber.
�I�ve nothing
against killing her,� he murmured, kissing and biting the woman�s neck even as
he spoke nonchalantly about ending her life. �She�s just a room service girl.
And it looks as if she forgot half of what we ordered anyway. Grounds for
murder, I�d say.�
"I want to
watch you with her for awhile first. Just like you watched
me."
He nodded. He had thought as much. �Watch all
you like, my beautiful little voyeur.� He pulled his hand away from Salida�s
chest and placed it on the woman�s. He rubbed a thumb harshly across her nipple
through the rough fabric of her uniform and smirked as he saw it harden through
her shirt. He then began kissing her neck in earnest as his hands went to work
in tandem on her breasts and his hips rocked against hers, his heavy arousal
trapped between their bodies. Salida moved the knife in an absent gesture and
Jeffrey lapped up the blood spilt in the movement like a giant cat.
The woman
started to struggle, and scream for help, but no one came. And the screams did
nothing more than urge Jeffrey on. While he desired no one but Salida, part of
him missed the fear and violence of having sex with trapped prey.
He knew the
instant Salida moved away to get a better view of what he was doing. From the
corner of his eye he could see her touching herself, her hands matching the
movements if not the ferocity of his.
Jeffrey grinned
wolfishly at his wife�s actions even as he sought to arouse and take pleasure
from another woman. He could feel her trembling from fear in his arms and it
only caused him to grow even harder against her, enough so that he let out a
grunt of pleasure when she inadvertently moved against him. �I think we�re all
somewhat overdressed, don�t you, vixen?�
"I always
make it a point to agree with you, husband mine."
Jeffrey smiled
and without warning, he ripped open the woman�s uniform blouse and bra, sending
buttons flying across the room. Her face was covered in tears now and he licked
them off her face with decadent slowness as his hands moved to her now naked
breasts.
"Please
don't...let me go..." the woman begged weakly as she just as weakly tried
to get away. The light from the candles caught and glittered on the wedding
band on her finger. "Let me go home."
�Aww, she thinks somehow because she begs that she�ll be set
free. I�d hoped she was more fucking intelligent than that. But look here,
vixen. Sparkly,� he murmured, yanking the wedding band from the woman�s finger
and tossing it in Salida�s direction without looking.
"I didn't know
you claimed trophies," Salida purred wickedly. "Let's see here...oh, there's two names inside the band. From Sands to Aida, my
one love. How sweet."
�Sickeningly so,�
Jeffrey murmured, taking no real note of the names. They might have sounded
familiar if he had cared to listen to them, but as he didn�t, the woman and her
husband remained anonymous in his mind. �You�ll never see your fucking husband
again, little kitty,� the name just seemed to fit somehow so he used it.
�You�re ours now.�
She whimpered. "Think
of my son -"
Jeffrey cut her off by
placing his hand across her mouth. �Say another word and I�ll sew your lips
shut, savvy? You might as well just give in. You�re dead. Me
and the lovely vixen here will be the last two people you ever fucking see.
Actually, don�t give in. Fight me. It�ll make it so much more fun that way,� he
drawled, moving his hand to bite down on her lip hard, grinning all the
while.
Her scream was
muffled; yet she showed surprising spirit by spitting in his face the moment he
pulled away.
�Now that�s hardly
sanitary. I said fight back, not be disgusting.� He slapped her hard across the
face with one hand while whipping the spittle off of his face with the other. �Vixen? Do you still have the knife?�
"Of course. Do
you want it or do you want me to use it?"
He thought about it.
�I wanted to teach this bitch a lesson, but your suggestion has merit. You use
it, and I�ll find another way to deal with the little camel here.�
"Oh, but I'm not
as good at this as you are." That didn't keep Salida from coming forward.
�Practise makes
perfect, vixen. You know that as well as I do,� he
said with a fond smile.
"Show me what to
do."
�Of course,� he said
with a smile, utterly delighted that she was taking an active interest in his
fun. �I�ve always tried to go for the maximum amount of pain with the least
amount of damage. The fun lasts longer that way. To achieve this goal is
actually very simple: shallow cuts,� he said with a nod.
"Anywhere
in particular? Do you have a
favorite spot?" They both ignored the woman's increasingly frantic
attempts to be free while they so coolly discussed her eventual mutilation.
He thought about it.
�I like to cut pretty little throats like hers, but that would only end the fun
and I�m not ready to stop playing yet. The face is nice. Lots of blood right
beneath the skin.�
Salida reached around
to rest the point of her blade against the woman's breastbone. "What about here?"
�Perfection,
my goddess. Do your worst.�
The blood flowed from
that point on, gushing and splattering until Salida was almost covered to the
point where Jeffrey would have had no choice but throw her on the bed and fuck
them both brainless. But the image in his mind urged him to ensure she was all
but dripping, and there was the
woman to deal with still.
�Kill her, my
goddess,� Jeffrey breathed, no longer able to stop himself from touching her at
every instance. �Do it. Right now. In
front of me. I want to see you take her life.� God he wanted nothing
more than that. He was aching for her, aching for this to be at an end. But the
woman had to be dealt with. She would probably die of blood loss before she
could get to help, but that wasn�t the point. She had to die. Once she was
dead, he could turn the entirety of his dwindling concentration onto his wife.
"Is that what you
would like?" Salida asked their victim.
The woman weakly shook her head though she was so drained she couldn't
even open her eyes.
"And
why not?" The reply was
inaudible, but both Jeffrey and Salida could read her lips. "Still so concerned
for you son. That's so admirable. Well, don't worry. Jeffrey and I will
take him in. And take care of your husband. Couldn't have him
missing you." And with that, the knife lashed out one last time.
Jeffrey didn�t even
wait to see the woman fall. The instant he saw the blade catch the light across
the woman�s throat, he pushed his wife down hard to the bed and together they
became one in violence and blood and lust.
***
"Sands?" Concerned
because she couldn't seem to wake him, Aida shook her husband's shoulder
gently. "Com'on, sleepy head.
Time to rise and shine. Or at least time to move to
the bed."
Sands grunted something that sounded suspiciously like
Salida�s name, but didn�t otherwise make a sound or movement towards
wakefulness.
Just hearing
her...counterpart's...name, turned Aida's concern into full-blown worry. "Sands!"
Sands shot up off the couch in an instant, a hand splayed
out before him in a defensive gesture as if he thought he were about to be
attacked. His breath was coming in harsh pants and sweat gleamed on his
forehead. �Jesus fucking Christ,� he gasped.
Aida sat back on her heels, now more than a bit abashed at
the violence she'd used to wake him. "Sorry," she murmured. "But
I couldn't get you to wake up."
Sands didn�t seem to be hearing her, but he did settle back
on the couch with the knowledge that no one seemed be attacking him. �Fuck,� he
said bluntly. A dream. It had to be a dream. It wasn�t
real. The fucking raging hard-on he had now seemed to be real, but the rest
wasn�t. It couldn�t be. Aida�she was here? He looked up and met her eyes.
"I didn't mean to startle you."
�Startle?� he asked, uncomprehending. �Didn�t.
Dream. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I�m going to kill her. And him. Both of them. Slowly. With something sharp,� he mumbled to himself.
"I assume this has something to do with why I heard you
murmuring Salida's name earlier," Aida murmured as she moved to sit beside
him on the couch.
Her close proximity only served to remind him of his arousal
and he made a conscious effort to distance himself from her while staying where
he was. �Had a dream. A bad dream.�
"I'm sorry." Aida reached for his hand but when he
twitched it away from her, she changed directions and
tucked some hair behind her ear. "I heard you muttering away in here, but
I thought you were just talking in your sleep or something."
�Jeffrey, he�he dreamt. Dreamt about
Salida. And�you.� He wrapped his arms across
his chest, unconsciously closing himself off from her even more.
That was enough to tell her what kind of dream it'd been. "You
don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she assured him.
�I don�t,� he said, though there was a very small desire to
tell her everything just to have it told. He tried to ignore it. With the dull
throb of his groin with every breath, it wasn�t terribly hard to ignore. At
least, that�s what he told himself.
"Alright." She leaned
over and kissed his forehead before getting up. "Ian's playing in his
room. Why don't you get him washed up for dinner?" After glancing at his
pale complexion she added, "You're welcome to join us even if you don't
eat."
Contact with his son wasn�t really what he needed or wanted
right now, but he wouldn�t say no to her or to him. �Alright,� he agreed,
getting up after her.
"Thank you." Aida could see that her husband was
reluctant, but she thought that Ian stood a better chance of comforting him
right now than she did.
He nodded in response and turned to find his son.
Walking down the hall, Sands - strangely enough - heard the
sound of small things falling into water. Quickening his pace to find out what
his son was up to - for it had to be Ian causing that noise - Sands rounded the
corner into the bathroom.
His heart froze.
Ian seemed to have discovered the joys of playing in the
water for he stood above the open toilet and was happily dropping whatever was
at hand in just to see the splash. If Sands had cared to look he would have
found a toothbrush, a bar of soap, and a handful of plastic toys already lining
the toilet bowl. But Sands didn�t see those things. In fact, he saw nothing at
all but the curling iron Ian was holding above the water; the plugged in curling iron.
Without stopping to think, Sands ran into the room and
knocked the curling iron out of Ian�s hand before it could be dropped into the
soon-to-be-electrified water. �What the fuck
do you think you�re doing?� Sands screamed down towards his son, having
accidentally knocked him to the ground with the force of throwing the curling
iron aside.
Ian stared up at his father for a slit second of complete
consternation, then he let out an earsplitting wail
that brought Aida running. Or would have if she hadn't been coming to see what
Sands was yelling about in the first place.
The moment his mother appeared, Ian ran to her on chubby
legs. She scooped him up and tried to soothe him all while nervously watching
Sands' irate - no, furious - face.
�He was going to drop your curling iron into the fucking
toilet!� Sands breathed, so upset he could hardly talk.
"Is that any reason to scare him to death?" Aida
hissed back, her voice barely heard over her son's wails.
�If it ensures that he�ll never try something so stupid
again, then yes!�
"It won't."
�Then he isn�t being scared nearly enough.�
"He doesn't know he's done anything wrong. The only
thing he's scared of right now is you!"
�Then you tell him,� Sands said, his voice icy. �You explain
it to him how dropping a plugged in curling iron into the toilet will light him
up like a fucking Christmas tree. You tell him how he could have died if I
hadn�t scared him.�
"The point would have been a whole lot more effective
coming from you. And don't curse."
�Fuck you,� he growled. He had very nearly lost his only son
to his own idiocy. He could very well curse if he wanted.
"Not in front
of Ian," Aida said slowly and evenly.
Sands just shook his head and threw up his hands, stalking
past both mother and son alike in a wave of cold rage, muttering something
along the lines of �Then you deal with him, then,� as he passed.
***
Sands sat beneath the same large tree Aida had climbed
earlier, thinking about the events that had transpired what had probably been
hours ago by now. He was irritated to find that he was still incredibly pissed
off at his young son for such a display of stupidity and careless regard for
his own life. He should have fucking
known better. How dare he do this to us? To me? And
her! Yelling at me for saving his fucking life! Bitch. With these angry
thoughts he got up from his seat beneath the tree�he had only just sat down�and
began to pace again, muttering to himself as he walked through the dark.
Aida watched him from the kitchen window. His state of mind
saddened her almost as much as the downcast face of her son. Why couldn't Sands
just see that he was overreacting?
Shaking her head, Aida loaded and started the dishwasher
then left her husband to his stewing.
Sands ran a shaking hand through his hair and had a strong
urge just to yank it all out. Fuck them
both. I don�t need them. I was better off on my own. I didn�t have to worry
about anyone but myself. No fucking pills either. With this thought, he
pulled out the ever-present bottle of Lithium and stared at it. Sands, Sheldon J. Just reading his own
name served to infuriate him to the point where he chucked the bottle against
the house, half wishing it were something bigger and heavier so that it might
do some real damage beyond a small dent in the siding. The irony of the bottle
hit him, suddenly. Ian�s the only one
currently not on drugs at the moment. Perhaps that should be rectified. The
apple doesn�t fall far from the fucking tree. That�s what they say. Maybe if
I�m lucky he�ll just kill me when he decides I�ve outlived my usefulness. Little bastard.
If Sands was aware that he seemed be overreacting, he gave
no sign. All he could think about was how close he had come to losing his son,
and it made him crazy. This is her
fucking fault. When do I ever use a fucking curling iron? Never.
And I know I sure as fuck wouldn�t leave it plugged in near the fucking toilet
with a young son around either. Fucking bitch.
Sands sent a glare over his shoulder towards the house as he paced, half
wishing that she was here right now so he could fucking strangle her for doing
this to him. Fuck them both.
Aida tossed and turned in bed, waiting for her husband to
join her. It was past midnight when she finally climbed out of bed, pulled on
her robe, and went searching for him.
Sands watched her cross the yard with a bitter smile. Oh joy. Here comes the good wifey to explain to me just how wrong I was. This�ll be
fun. He didn�t bother acknowledging her, but he did stop pacing, taking a
seat on the ground once more but making no move to look up at her or invite her
to sit next to him. He merely stopped pacing because a part of him didn�t want
to seem outwardly as agitated as he really felt.
She stood in front of him for a long moment before finally
asking softly, "Are you going to come to bed? It's past midnight."
�I wasn�t aware I had a curfew.�
"You don't." It was hard not to respond to his
bitter sarcasm, but she managed. "I can't sleep." Shrugging, Aida
finished by saying, "The bed seems big without you."
�Sleep on the couch then. It should be small enough to solve
that problem.�
This time he hurt her too much. Aida nodded, then turned to trudge back to the house. There was no arguing with him when he was in
this mood.
Sands watched her go, his face expressionless in the
moonlight. It didn�t matter. She could leave in a huff if she fucking wanted.
He didn�t need her. He didn�t need any of it. Let her drug herself into
oblivion. Let Ian run with scissors and play in the street and drop appliances
into water. What the fuck did he care? They had obviously dealt without him
before. They could do it again.
At the last moment Aida stopped and turned around. "Will
you still be here in the morning?" Her voice was softly pleading, as if
she realized how very close to the edge he was.
�Would it honestly make any fucking difference whatsoever if
I wasn�t?� he asked, rising to his feet in a smooth gesture.
"Yes." A great deal of
difference. Whatever other faults he had, Sands had never left her.
�Why?�
"You've never left me before. I wouldn't know if you
were coming back or not."
�Yeah, life�s funny like that. But honestly, you�ve no
excuse for fearing that. You knew I
wasn�t coming back when you sent me after that bitch Susannah. You seemed to
deal with that just fine.�
Every argument for the
rest of our lives will always come back to that. "If you truly feel
that way, then maybe you should go. But please say goodbye to Ian first." The
look of fear in her - their - son's eyes ought to straighten him out.
�He doesn�t want to see me. You said it yourself; he�s
fucking scared of me now. It�s probably for the best.�
"Oh." Aida nodded awkwardly. "Goodnight,
Sands. And goodbye, if that's what you choose."
�Yeah. My choice,� he muttered
bitterly.
"Your choice. Your home. Your family." She
paused before adding, "Your future." Then she turned and walked into
the house, turning off the lights she'd left on for him.
Sands smirked bitterly at her action, thinking that if she really wanted him to come back in the
house, she sure hadn�t tried very hard to convince him. She doesn�t need me anyway. She�s got my money and my kid. I paid for
her fucking cancer treatments so she�s got her health as well, so what else is
there? Love? Please. You couldn�t send the person you
love to their death like she did. She doesn�t need me. Neither of them does.
With this knowledge firm in his mind, he set out away from the house, leaving
the small bottle of pills behind in the grass, forgotten.
***
"Mommy? Wake up, Mommy."
Aida felt small hands tugging at her own, but she couldn't seem to gather
enough strength - or desire - to stir from her bed. Hell of a time to give up my habit, she thought with grim humor as
another shudder wracked her body. The back of her throat burned as she
struggled not to throw up - not that there was
anything left in her stomach. "Mommy�" Aida sighed as Ian climbed up onto the bed
and curled into her side. She knew how he felt.
It was the same way she felt.
She hadn't expected Sands to actually leave.
Home. I�m home, Sands thought to himself as
he stumbled across the small lawn. He wasn�t entirely sure how long he�d been
gone for, the only thing he was aware
of was the fact that it had been far too long since his last dose of Lithium,
and he didn�t like what was happening to him as a result. He wasn�t quite in
withdrawal�it would take quite awhile before that happened, thankfully�but he
wasn�t exactly comfortable either. And he didn�t want the voices to come back.
As much as he hated the pills, as much as he loathed the silence, it was better
than the alternative.
After a fairly frenetic search of the backyard around the
house, he located the bottle he had tossed away last night and opened it with
shaking hands, dry swallowing a pair of pills. Once that was taken care of, he
walked in through the back door as if it was still the middle of the night
instead of the middle of the afternoon, and his wife was waiting for him to
come to bed.
"Mommy, I want a sippy."
Ian didn't like it that his mother hadn't gotten up yet, or that she wouldn't
wake up. Not even to listen to him. It scared him. It was too much like being
left alone. "Mommy!"
Sands� brow furrowed as he heard Ian�s worried voice and his
steps quickened until he found himself standing at the doorway looking in on
Aida�s still form and Ian trying to rouse her. �Ian? Aida?� He walked in,
standing at his son�s side. �Aida, wake up,� he said firmly. �You need to open
your eyes for me right now.�
Aida's eyelids slowly rose. "Ian?" When had her
son grown up into the image of his father? When had she started to feel so old
and feeble?
�Ian�s right here, Aida. It�s me,
Sands. I�m right here.� He moved placed a hand on her forehead in an initial
gesture of comfort and frowned at the clamminess he found there.
She murmured something about dreaming then let her eyes slip
shut like they desperately wanted to.
�Aida! Open your eyes!� Sands ordered, grabbing her
shoulders and shaking her gently. He didn�t know if this was what he should be
doing�what the hell did he know about withdrawal?�but he did know that he
didn�t like it how she couldn�t seem to stay awake even when he was trying to
wake her up.
Small fists on his arm made Sands stop in astonishment. "Don't
hurt Mommy," his son ordered a fierce look in his eyes.
Sands eyed his son for a moment before shaking his head.
�I�m not hurting your mother. I�m trying to get her to wake up. I can�t help
her get better if she doesn�t wake up. Understand?�
"Don't hurt Mommy," Ian ordered once again. Then,
in total disregard to his fearsome eyes, he stuck his thumb in his mouth and
watched Sands like a hawk.
Mindful of his son but knowing what he had to do, Sands
called after Aida again, only louder this time. �Aida! Wake up, right now!�
"Why?" she mumbled. "You're not here."
�Feel my hands on your shoulders, Aida.� He squeezed gently.
�I�m here. I�m real. And you�re scaring me. And you�re scaring Ian. So wake up.
Please.�
"Ian?" Aida opened her eyes and looked around,
finally matching the pressure against her side to the body of her son. "Sweetie,
you're still in your pajamas."
�Aida?� Sands called out to her, wondering if she would hear
him. She seemed to be awake, but then again, perhaps not�
�Sands?" Her glance at him
revealed her confusion. "Why did you sleep on the couch last night? Why
didn't you come to bed? Why didn't you get Ian dr-"
Another shivering fit overtook her.
�Oh, Aida,� Sands sighed, hating to see her this way and
hating her for doing this to herself. He didn�t know what he could do for her.
�I�m here now, alright. I�ll get Ian dressed. Don�t worry about it. Just stay
here and rest.�
"That's what..." she tried to say though
chattering teeth. "Sleeping pills."
�What? Sleeping pills?� Sands asked
with a confused frown. �What do you mean?�
"Took some."
�Are you fucking kidding me? Why?�
"Couldn't sleep." She
looked at him piously. "Told you that."
�So you took more pills. Perfect. How many did you take?�
"Dunno."
�How can you not know how many fucking
pills you took?!�
"Don't yell!" Ian ordered. Contrary to Aida's
belief, the thorough scare he'd gotten from his father had only made him more
outspoken. As if daring Sands to yell at him again.
Sands whirled on his young son and sneered. �When your
mother stops doing stupid things that can get you hurt, then I�ll stop yelling.�
"You're being a meanie."
�Perhaps so. But your mother is not
being very smart and she needs to know that what she did was wrong,� Sands said
evenly.
Ian seemed to think about that, but then he shook his head. "She
was sad."
�Being sad is no excuse for what she�s done, Ian. Being sad
is no excuse for hurting herself like this.�
"Shouldn't yell at her," his son insisted before
popping his thumb back in his mouth.
�She doesn�t seem to listen to me otherwise,� he murmured,
turning back to Aida�s near-unresponsive form. �I don�t know what to do, Aida.
I don�t know how to fix this. Why did you do it?�
"Couldn't sleep. You wouldn't
come to bed. All I wanted to do was sleep."
He sighed, his anger towards her deflating and leaving
regret and resignation in its place. �I�m sorry, Aida. I�m sorry I didn�t
come.�
"You're here now." That was all that mattered in
her mind.
�That�s right. I�m here now,� he reassured her softly,
moving to sit next to her on the bed.
"And you'll take care of us."
�Always,� he said with a soft sigh. �You�re safe with me.
Our son is safe with me.�
"You won't frighten him again? You'll explain why you
yelled?"
�I�ll explain,� he agreed, glancing over his shoulder to his
thumb-sucking son. �I didn�t mean to scare him. I was scared for him. And for you.�
"I know," Aida whispered.
�But do you understand why?�
"Yes.�
�Do you?�
"You love us."
�More than anything,� he agreed.
"I'm glad."
�Are you alright now, Aida?� he asked cautiously.
"Dunno. Nothing left to throw
up at least."
Sands frowned at that. �You�re probably dehydrated then. Let
me get you something to drink.�
Aida grimaced, but didn't argue. He made sense and she
didn't want to get any sicker.
He rose from the bed and turned to Ian. �You stay here with
your mother. I�m going to go get her a glass of water, alright? I�ll be right
back.�
Ian nodded, wiggling his small hand into Aida's grasp.
Sands sent a last look in Aida�s direction and wandered out
of the bedroom to the kitchen and grabbed a clean glass out of the cupboard. He
placed it under the faucet and turned it on, watching the water flow out of the
tap and into the glass until the water reached the brim of the glass and
overflowed onto his hand. Shaking himself out of his stupor, he shook the water
off of his hand, turned off the water and walked back to the bedroom. �Here you
go, Aida. Drink it slowly, alright? Would you like me to get you some soda for
your stomach or something later? I should have asked before getting you the
water, but I didn�t think about it.�
"That's alright." Aida sipped her water, spilling
a bit on her pajamas. "Damn," she whispered under her breath.
�It�s alright, Aida,� he said softly, not moving to take the
glass from her because he remembered from times past how she hated to be
treated like an invalid. �It�s only water. It�ll dry.�
Squeezing Ian's hand in hers, Aida sighed and let her eyes
fall shut. "I'm tired."
�Is it alright for you to sleep?� Sands asked carefully, not
knowing if she should or not after taking a handful of sleeping pills. What if
she didn�t wake up?
"I certainly hope so. Don't want to go to the emergency
room."
He nodded. It wasn�t what he wanted either. �Then sleep. Ian
and I will be just fine until you wake up. Won�t we, Ian?�
Ian didn't answer. He just looked at both of his parents
with solemn eyes. He was just as smart as his half-siblings, at least when it
came to people. Now that he knew there was more to his father than met the eye,
he was going to be more careful around the man.
Sands accepted Ian�s silence as a sign that not everything
was right between them anymore. He sighed a little and knew that he would have
to deal with that sooner or later. �We�ll be alright, Aida. Get some sleep.�
"Come give Mommy a kiss," Aida murmured to her
son, claiming a kiss and hugging him. "Be good for Daddy."
Ian nodded, then reluctantly
climbed off the bed.
Sands moved a few sweaty locks of hair away from her
forehead and placed a gentle kiss on the clammy flesh. �Sleep well, spitfire,�
he whispered before pulling back and following Ian out of the room.
"Don't you like your sandwich?"
Ian shrugged as he played with his cars at the table. He'd
eaten enough so that he wasn't hungry anymore, but that didn't make him any
more inclined to talk to Sands than he had been before lunch.
Sands sighed and cleared away their plates. Ian had been all
but ignoring him ever since he had come back and it was beginning to grow on
his nerves. �I�m sorry I scared you last night, Ian. But you scared me. What
you were doing was very dangerous and you might have hurt yourself. And that
would have made me sad. I don�t want to see you hurt, Ian. I love you,� Sands
said softly, trying to explain himself at least. He
had a feeling there was more to Ian�s silence than just the events of last
night, but he would start with what he knew.
Ian threw a sideways glance at Sands, but didn't say
anything.
�Why aren�t you talking to me?� Sands asked sadly. It was
the perfect bit of irony that Ian should unintentionally pick up on Aida�s one
sure weapon against him; silence. He fucking hated it. Not that he hated being
alone, but he hated sitting around with other people and effectively being
ignored. He hated being treated as if he didn�t exist. He hated it most when
people talked around him as if he were invisible. Ian wasn�t quite doing that,
but this was just as bad.
"I don't like it when you get mad," the boy suddenly
declared, not exactly in response to Sands' question but perhaps spurred on by
it. "You're scary when you're mad."
�I know,� Sands said simply. When he got angry it was easy
to loose control, even despite the Lithium. �Do you understand why I was mad
though?�
"Because I dropped your teethbrusher in the potty?"
�You�� Sands made a face, suddenly glad he hadn�t been home
to brush his teeth this morning. �No, that�s not why I was mad. I was mad
because you almost dropped your mother�s curling iron into the water. When you
drop something into the water that�has a plug and a wire, you can get hurt. I
was scared that you would get hurt. That�s why I yelled.�
Ian thought about that. "I don't like it when you're
scary. You have to not get mad ever again."
�I don�t like it when I get scary either Ian, but I can�t
help getting mad. Even your mother gets mad sometimes. But I�ll try not to
scare you anymore.�
"Good."
Sands nodded. �Are you still scared of me now?�
"You yelled at Mommy when she's sick. That's not very
nice either."
Sands sighed. �I yelled at your mother because she did
something foolish to make herself sick. And then I had to yell at her to get
her to wake up. Understand?�
"It's bad to yell. Mommies and daddies should never
yell at each other."
�I know they shouldn�t, Ian,� Sands said softly. �But your
mother and I aren�t upset with each other any longer, and no matter how much we
might yell, we will always love each other and you.�
Ian thought about that, but didn't say anything else. As far
as he knew, he didn't have anything else to say.
"You can play with the green car."
�I can�what?� Sands asked curiously, not quite following
Ian�s sudden change in subject.
Ian pushed the green car over so that Sands could take it. "You
can play with this one."
Sands picked up the proffered vehicle and looked it over. �I
need to get you some more cars. These aren�t fast enough,� he murmured to
himself more than to Ian.
"The green one is my second bestest,"
Ian informed his father.
He looked over the clearly sub-par automobile with a raised
eyebrow. He supposed it was nice, but it was certainly nothing he would
purchase or drive. �Which one is your best?�
"The red one."
Sands made a face at that. �The red one?
Why that one?�
"I like the color."
Sands sighed and told himself that
he couldn�t hold it against Ian for liking a perfectly innocent color; a color
that many people liked. Hell, he even liked red to a point. �Alright.
You like the red one. That�s fine.�
Dropping the two cars he was playing with in a sudden swing
of interest, Ian said, "Can I have a cookie?"
�Alright. Would you like a glass of
milk to go with it?�
The boy nodded. "Can I play with play-dough?"
Mommy didn't like play-dough. She said it was messy.
�Maybe after you�ve had your cookie and milk,� Sands
allowed.
It wasn't the unqualified "yes" that Ian wanted,
but he didn't think it was a "no" either.
Sands didn�t notice the mild disappointment on his son�s
face as he got up and returned with a plate of two cookies and a glass of milk.
�Enjoy.�
�Can I have chocolate milk?�
�Later,� Sands compromised, simply not saying yes because he
didn�t feel like dirtying another glass in getting Ian a new glass of milk.
Besides, if he had really wanted chocolate milk, then he should have asked for
that first.
Ian pouted.
Sands just shook his head. He would give the near three year
old credit for manipulating him thus far, but now Sands was onto him. �Are you
going to eat your cookies or not?� Sands asked, feigning to take one of them
for himself.
"No." Ian pushed them away with a yawn. It was
well past the time when Aida would have put him down for a nap, but Sands
hadn't yet noticed.
�No?� Sands asked in confusion. �If you didn�t want them,
then why did you ask for them?�
Ian didn't answer. He
was too busy watching his cars bounce after he dropped them on the floor.
Sands sighed and snatched a cookie for himself,
watching Ian play as he chewed slowly.
"Can I play with dough now?"
�Go brush your teeth.�
"Why?"
�Did you brush them when you woke up this morning?�
"No." Ian's pout turned into pure, uhappy childishness.
�Then it�s time for you to brush your teeth. That is, unless
you want the dentist to drill all your teeth out.�
Tired, frustrated, and now terrified by the image of an
unknown man using a jack hammer to demolish his pearly whites, Ian burst into
tears.
Sands sighed, no more up to dealing with this right now than
Aida was, but for vastly different reasons. �If you just brush your teeth every
day, you�ll get stickers and new toothbrushes and little toys from the dentist.
He�s not a bad man, he just doesn�t like to see little boys not brush their
teeth,� he tried.
Ian didn't stop crying, but he didn't resist when Sands
scooped him up either. He just buried his face in his father's chest and kept
crying.
�Shh, it�ll be ok, Ian,� Sands
murmured softly, stroking Ian�s dark hair with a free hand. He could feel the
tears soaking through his shirt but it didn�t matter. He couldn�t leave Ian to
cry alone. A little discomfort was more than worth the help he could give to
Ian.
Finally, with a shuddery, hiccupy
sigh, Ian stopped crying. Tucking his thumb into his mouth, he seemed to fall
asleep.
Sands sat still long enough to ensure that Ian really was
asleep before carrying him to bed. Ian rolled over and mumbled something once
Sands had brought the sheets up over him, but stayed asleep. Sands stood and
watched him for awhile before turning to check on Aida.
Aida was semi-awake when he came in. "I heard Ian
crying. Is everything alright?"
�He was just tired. I put him to bed. You can go back to
sleep,� he said softly, not moving to her side.
"Not sleepy." Aida sighed. "Help me sit
up?"
�Alright,� Sands murmured, moving to do what she asked.
"Thank you." When he would have moved away, Aida
tugged gently on his hand so that he sat on the edge of the bed.
Sands sighed and sat down. �You�re welcome,� he murmured.
"You feeling better today than you did last
night?"
He shrugged although he must have been to a point, for he
had come back.
"Are you mad at me?"
�I don�t know, Aida. Do you think I have reason to be?�
"I don't always know what you think. But you're acting
as if you're trying to behave yourself."
�I�m fine,� he said simply.
"Are you sure? You're being very quiet and you're not
quite meeting my eyes."
He made a point to look her in the eye after that, but still
didn�t speak more than when he was spoken to.
They spoke of inconsequential things for about three
minutes; that's all the time it took for Aida to loose her patience.
"If you're not going to tell me what's wrong, just
leave me alone! I'm not an invalid. I can see there's something wrong, and I
can take it too."
Sands shook his head. �Nothing�s wrong, Aida. If you want me
to leave you alone, I will.�
"Why won't you
talk to me then?"
�What would you like to talk about, Aida?�
As if he doesn't know.
"Never mind," she muttered. "You never tell me anything until
you're good and ready anyway."
He shrugged, allowing her the point if she wanted it.
It was the response Aida had expected. "I think I'll
nap now. I'm feeling a bit tired."
�Would you like me to wake you later?�
"If you think you should. I'm feeling better now."
�I�m glad.�
"No you're not. The vein in the side of your head is
popping."
A hand moved to where she indicated in reflex, but he
stopped it halfway. �It doesn�t matter.�
"You're upset."
Oh you noticed that,
did you? was on the tip of his tongue, but he
withheld. �It doesn�t matter,� he said again, as if it were litany.
"Liar," Aida said bitterly. "Fine.
Just go."
He nodded and rose from his seat at her side and looked down
at her. �I won�t be far should you need me.�
"I'll be here if you decide to stop sulking," she snarked back, now attempting to get a rise out of him.
He couldn�t stop a sneer, but he did manage to bite his tongue
and turn away from her.
"Coward," she muttered as she rolled over.
�Junkie,� he seethed as a parting blow, slamming the door
shut in his wake.
"Psych case!" she yelled back.
He hardly heard her. He was already stalking towards the
back door, fully intent on smoking the entire pack of cigarettes he had
purchased last night in one sitting. Fuck
her. If she wants to drug herself into oblivion, so be it. Fucking
selfish bitch.
When her jab failed to garner the desired reaction, Aida
tottered out of bed and followed after Sands, glad that he'd gone outside.
"Looks like I'm not the only junkie around here,"
she snapped as she caught Sands in the act of lighting up. It was that more
than anything that raised her temper; he hadn't once smoked since coming back
to her. "Coming out here to smoke yourself into oblivion
because you can't face your wife with how you feel."
�I thought you just wanted me to leave you alone,� he asked
coldly, holding the burning cigarette in his hand but not smoking it yet.
"Why do you do it, Sands? Why do you make me fight to
know what's going on in that head of yours? Why do you say it doesn't matter
when it so obviously does? Why do you lie to me when you know that I know
better?"
�Because I don�t want to talk about it.�
"Fine. Come to me when you
want a fuck or something then. At least you trust me in bed. Some of the time."
�Will do,� he said bitterly, a grim look on his face.
"Bastard," she whispered, turning blindly to go
back inside. She tripped once on one of Ian's toys, but caught herself before
Sands could offer aid and disappeared inside.
�You�re the one who offered,� he muttered. He wordlessly
took a drag on his cigarette, coughed once or twice as the nicotine was
reintroduced into his system, and picked up the toy Aida had nearly tripped
over and put it away.
***
Aida - her eyes tightly closed and trying to feign sleep -
stiffened the next night when she felt Sands climb into bed with her. She was
still mad at him - completely pissed off - and wasn't really in the mood to be
in the same room with him, much less the same bed. But she didn't do anything
yet.
He glanced over to say something, goodnight, perhaps; when
he saw the tension in her muscles and the way she clenched the sheet as if she
wanted to wring his neck. So she�s still
pissed off. Great. He rolled over on his back and
stared up at the ceiling, saying nothing.
The silence and complete lack of action of Sands was what
caused Aida to finally snap. "Was there something you wanted?"
�No,� he said simply, not really in the mood to test her ire
right now. It had been two fucking days and she was just as pissed off at him
as she had been that night.
"Then you won't mind if I decide to go sleep on the
couch." All but throwing herself off the bed, Aida grabbed her pillow and
jerked the blankets off the bed, maliciously wondering if Sands even knew where
they kept the linens.
Well that was petty,
he thought to himself with a scowl, looking over the now bare bed. Fuck this. He got up and moved to follow her, wanting to
put an end to their squabbling.
Aida was in the midst of bedding down when Sands came into
view. "Oh, there was something
you wanted then." And before he could explain, she'd opened her pajama
top, offering herself in a mockery of passion. Brushing away the tears that
were trailing down her cheeks would have ruined the effect.
His eyes never left her face. �Yes, there was something I
wanted Aida; to say that I�m sorry.� Funny, saying that hadn�t been quite as
hard as he had dreaded it would be.
Too shocked to do anything else, Aida merely stayed still as
Sands came closer and slowly buttoned her top again.
When he pulled his hands back, she felt deeply ashamed of
herself. "I'm sorry too. That was uncalled for."
�You were upset,� he said with a small shrug. God knows he
had done worse things than that when he had been in similar states.
"It was debasing to both of us," she said softly.
�It�s in the past. Further. Forgotten.�
Aida laughed sadly and covered her eyes with one hand. "I
suppose I should come back to bed, shouldn't I?"
�As long as you bring back the blankets,� he teased gently.
Further reminded of her appalling behavior, Aida felt more
tears well out of her eyes, though this time she could wipe them away without
fear.
�Shh, Aida it�s alright. We both
said and did things in the heat of anger to be regretted. Don�t worry yourself
over it tonight. Just come back to bed with me.�
She nodded and gathered the bedding once again, then
followed Sands down the hall to their bedroom where he helped her settle the
blankets.
"Why are you being so nice?" she asked as they
climbed back into bed.
�Because I want to make amends,� he said softly, turning to
look at her. �Because I could have put an end to this days
ago and I didn�t.�
There was no arguing with logic like that. So Aida just
stayed silent and waited for the coming explanation.
�You wanted to talk. Such a simple thing to ask, to give,
and I refused you. For that, I am sorry.�
"You'd think I'd be used to it by now. You're not
really one to talk about yourself if you can talk about anything else."
He nodded, giving her the point. �You�re right. I�m not,� he
said it as an apology.
"And I can't help but want to know. I know you feel
like I'm prying, but all I truly want is to understand you better."
�I know. Ask me,� he said seriously. �Ask me whatever you
want to know and I�ll do my best to answer you.�
"What were you so mad about?"
Trust her to ask the hard one right off the bat. �The sleeping pills.�
"I took one dose," Aida said. "You never gave
me a chance to explain. And they're mine, leftover from when I was sick. I
just...I was just so upset that I didn't consider that they might interact with
the Demerol."
He nodded. �I understand.� It was something he himself had
to be careful of as well. �I came home, saw Ian doing
his best to get your attention and failing, and I jumped to the wrong
conclusions. I�m sorry.�
"It's not as if I haven't given you reason to jump to
the wrong conclusions," she murmured. "And we haven't even gotten to
the worst of it yet, have we?"
He nodded. �I�m still sorry. And I was�upset with myself for
leaving you in such a state. I should never have done it.�
"No. But you were upset."
�That�s no excuse,� he murmured.
"But better than some of the things you could have
done," she murmured back.
He nodded grimly at that, ceding her the point. She spoke
truth. Things could have gone much worse. They certainly had before.
"So you're not mad with me anymore?"
�No, I�m not mad.�
"I guess I'm not either."
He turned in the bed and looked at her. �You guess?�
"Well, I'm still a little hurt that you wouldn't talk
to me." Aida pouted.
He nodded. �Come here, Aida,� he invited, holding his arm
open so she could move in to put her head on his shoulder. He hoped she would
take him up on it.
She immediately moved over and tucked her head under his
chin, sighing briefly with contentment before closing her eyes.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, placing a
gentle kiss on the top of her head. �I love you, Aida,� he whispered.
"Love you more," she murmured back to him, right
before placing a gentle kiss on his chest.
He smiled lightly at that. �Get some sleep, my love. We can
talk more in the morning.�
"Alright." Nestling her
cheek more comfortably against his shoulder, Aida settled in for the night.
Sands stroked her hair softly for a long while, keeping a
silent vigil for her through the night.
***
"Where's my cars, Daddy? Katie
and me wanna play cars
today." Ian tried to twist around as if that would help him see over the
small backpack Sands has filled with his toys, but Sands held him still as he
attempted to zip the bulging bag up.
�They�re in there, Ian. And the red one is right here,�
Sands answered once he had got the back shut without tearing the zipper off in
frustration. He handed Ian the beloved car and turned him around so that they
were facing. �Now you be good for Mr. and Mrs. Larson,
alright? Remember your manners and that you�re a guest in their home. They will
bring you home after supper where your mother and I will be waiting for you.�

"Will Mommy be awake today?"
�We�ll see when you get home, ok?� Sands said, crouching
down so that he met Ian�s height. �Have fun, be careful, and we love you.�
"Can I say goodbye to Mommy?" Ian asked pitifully.
For the past two days he hadn't seen anything of his mother at all. Or nearly at all. When he'd gone in to say goodnight the day
before, she'd been asleep already.
�She�s still asleep, Ian,� Sands said softly, hating her
just a little for that.
"Please,
Daddy?"
Sands sighed. He hated this. �Alright.
But let me go in first ok? You stay here and I�ll tell you when you can come
in. You can�t stay for long though. It�s not polite to make people wait for
you, and Mrs. Larson is already on her way over.�
"Okay, Daddy."
There was a smile on Ian's face as he sat down on the couch to wait.
�Okay,� Sands murmured, turning away from his son�s cheery
countenance with a pained smile. He walked down the hall and entered into the
bedroom to see if Aida was even conscious. The place smelled of illness now and
he hated it. He hated that the smell was coming from her. He hated that she had
effectively caused it. He hated it all. �Aida?� he called out, not bothering to
whisper. It took a lot to get her away and lucid lately. �Aida, are you awake?
Your son wants to say goodbye to you.� That was a little petty, but it was the
way he was feeling right now; petty and bitter.
Aida's eyes fluttered open and slowly came to focus on
Sands. "Ian?" she asked. "He's still here?"
�He�s about ready to leave but he wants to say goodbye to
you first,� he answered her. �He�s waiting on the couch for me to call him in.�
"Yes, I'd like that." Just like her son, Aida
noticed the emptiness that the absence of the other caused.
Sands nodded and turned to leave. His son was at his feet
upon hearing Sands come down the hall. �You can go and see her,� he said with a
small forced smile. �She�s awake.�
Ian ran down the hall, but stopped abruptly in the open
doorway to the bedroom as if he'd turned shy. "Mommy?"
Aida turned her head and looked at her son. "Hello, baby. Come say goodbye to me." Her voice was low and rough, but still
recognizable as hers.
Ian edged into the room, finally coming to stand beside the
bed. Aida reached out and took one of his little hands in hers. "Are you
being good for Daddy?"
�He�s been fine,� Sands spoke up from the doorway, leaning
against it and not otherwise intruding on their moment together. �He�s been a
perfect little gentleman,� he said with a small smile in Ian�s direction and
Ian smiled back as if they were sharing a private joke.
"I'm glad." There was a knock on the door that
Sands went to answer, and Aida stole this moment alone watch her son.
"I have to go, Mommy. It's rude to be late."
Aida smiled at this obvious lesson of her husband's.
"Be good for Katie's mommy, alright, Ian?" When he nodded, she pulled
him closer so she could kiss his hand. "I love you."
Ian turned to leave, but then turned back uncertainly.
"Will you be awake when I come home?"
"I'll try, Ian. But Mommy's sick." She blew Ian a
kiss, which made her son grin. "Go on."
"Bye bye, Mommy!" Ian
yelled as he ran down the hallway.
Sands poked his head out the door to follow his son�s
progress down the hall and then returned to Aida once he had waved to Mrs.
Larson and the door was shut behind them. He didn�t like sending Ian off each
day to spend the time with his friend Katie, but he didn�t have a choice. There
was no way in hell he was going to let Ian see his mother in the grip of drug
withdrawal. He had just told Ian�and the Larson�s�that she had a bad case of
the flu and that they didn�t want Ian to catch it. It was a sound enough story
in and of itself and Sands was an accomplished liar. They believed it hook,
line and sinker. �How are you feeling?� he asked without preamble.
"I didn't realize how much I missed Ian," Aida
replied. Her eyelids had dropped again, hiding her bloodshot eyes.
�He�s missed you too. And you didn�t answer my question.�
As if he needed the verbal answer. Besides her bloodshot
eyes, her hair was matted with sweat, her hands trembled constantly, and it
wasn't unheard of for her to see things that weren't there out of the corner of
her eye.
He sighed. �Fine, you�re right. I�ll dispense with the
trivialities,� he murmured, disappearing into the bathroom to return with an
oft-used wet washrag which he placed on her skin to cool the sweat from her
body.
When he came back, there were tears on Aida's face. Ones he
ignored with ease; this was her own fault.
"I'm sorry," she whispered as he started to wipe
down her face. "I never wanted to upset you."
�Don�t worry about what you can�t change,� he said
stoically. �We all have to live with choices we regret. The trick is not to
dwell on them.�
"Hard to do when your face resembles a thunder
cloud."
He looked at her. �Alright, I�m upset. It�s obvious. I�ll
get over it.�
"Yeah, about the same time I do." Her lips quirked up into a weak grin.
He shrugged. �Like a glass of water?�
"Yes, please."
He nodded and rose to get it, leaving the now lukewarm cloth
behind should she want to continue to use it. He returned some many minutes
later with a small cup of water which he held to her mouth. He would have given
it to her to hold, but experience had taught him that that just ended in wet
sheets and a wet Aida. �Slowly,� he cautioned.
Aida took a sip, then let her head
fall back to the pillow. "Have I mentioned what a good husband you
are?" she asked, trying to stay awake.
�Yes, Aida,� he answered her, taking the glass and setting
it on the nightstand within reach should she feel up to having a drink for
herself.
"Well, it's still true." Stifling a yawn - sleep
and consciousness weren't too different these days and at least Sands would
stay with her when she wasn't sleeping - Aida asked, "Do you think we're
over the worst of it?"
He paused, remembering the events of the past few days�had
it really only been days?�with trepidation. �I don�t know. I hope so,� he said
honestly.
"Me too." Aida sighed and
looked around her room. "Can I go into the living room for awhile?"
�If you think you�re up to it.�
"Just for a little bit. I'm
tired of these same walls."
He nodded. That,
he could understand. Try staring at the same walls for two years. �Alright. Think you can walk?�
"With help."
�Alright,� Sands acknowledged, walking over to her side of
the bed and leaning over so that she could put an arm around his shoulder. �On three. One, two, three.� At the
count she got up out of bed with Sands� help, and together they made slow
progress to the living room.
"Thank you, sweetie." Aida
made herself comfortable on the couch while Sands draped a blanket over her
lap. "Wanna watch some TV with me? No soaps, I
promise."
Sands looked as if he didn�t quite believe her, but took a
seat in the armchair next to the couch all the same. �We can watch whatever you
like, Aida.�
"I don't even like soaps. They're confusing if you
don't watch them all the time," she informed him as she started flipping
through channels.
�If you say so.�
"What's this?"
Aida stopped when she came across something brightly colored.
He smirked despite himself. �Monty Python
and the Holy Grail.�
"Is it any good?"
He shrugged. �It�s�quirky.�
"Do you like it?"
Aida set down the remote.
�I suppose so. I saw it a lot in college. It�s got a rabbit
in it.�
"I like rabbits."
�You may not like this one. He�s a killer rabbit. With �sharp pointy teeth.��
"That's silly."
�It�s a silly movie.�
"That's alright then."
�You sure?�
"Mmm-hmm."
�Then we�ll watch it. It�s not a bad movie, just�quirky.�
"You're quirky," Aida murmured; most of her
attention was focused on deciphering what was going on
�I suppose,� he said after a moment of just looking at her
with a raised eyebrow. �King Arthur�that�s him with the coconuts�is on a quest
to find the Holy Grail with his band of knights.�
"No coconuts in England," Aida said absently as
she watched the antics of Arthur and his knights.
�Oh but they cover that. They found them. Apparently they
were dropped by swallows; the African kind. Coconuts don�t migrate, you see,�
he said wryly.
"Coconuts are bigger than swallows."
Sands shrugged. �I told you it was a quirky movie.�
"Are there supposed to be two TV screens?"

�Two? No�� Sands said hesitantly before he caught on.
�Do I have to hold up my hand and ask how many fingers, or are you going to go
back to bed without complaint?�
"I don't want to go back to bed. I can lie down
here."
�Alright,� Sands said with a put-upon sigh. �Get some rest,
Aida.�
"Leave the TV on?"
�Won�t it keep you awake?�
"At this point in time?" She laughed.
He nodded. �Right. Stupid question. Just close your eyes and let yourself drift
for awhile, Aida. I�ll be here to bring you back.�
"I know." Aida smiled softly and let her eyes
drift shut.
�Good,� he whispered, reaching over to brush a lock of her
sweat-damp hair off of her cheek, trying not to show how the greasiness of it
disgusted him. She hadn�t exactly been up to bathing the past few days and
sponge baths�while fun�were only a temporary solution. When she woke up he
would draw her a bath, hot and smelling of all the
girly crap she so enjoyed. He would do it for her and hopefully he would be
able to pretend that everything was alright for a little while. �Sleep well,
Aida.�
"I will."
He nodded without saying anything and sat and watched over
her in silence until her breathing evened out and it was clear she was asleep.
Only then did he get up and wander out to the backyard to find something with
which to occupy his time today.
***
"Aida."
"Hmm?" Aida opened her
eyes, surprised to find herself no longer in the living room. "Sands? How did
I get into the bathroom?"
�You flew like a beautiful little red butterfly,� he said
with a small smile. �It�s bathtime for Miss Aida,� he
said, gesturing to the faintly steaming full bathtub to her right. He had laid
her down on a small cushioned footstool against the wall as he prepared her bath.
It probably hadn�t been the most comfortable of positions, but she had been
fighting her way towards consciousness anyway.
"A bath?"
�That�s right. I thought it might make you feel better,� he
said with a small shrug.
"Thank you. I think it would. I hadn't wanted to ask
because you're already doing so much for me -"
�Don�t, Aida,� he interrupted soundly. �Ask me for anything.
It�s what I�m here for.�
She supposed he was trying to make her feel better, but
there was a touch of irritation in his voice too. So Aida did what she thought
was prudent and just shut up.
�I even put some of the soaps and salts you like in it,� he
pointed out before coming to stand before her. His long sleeves were rolled up
to his elbows bearing damp forearms that were slightly pinked from a constant
testing of and adding to the water.
"That was very thoughtful," Aida murmured, not
offering more than that.
�You don�t sound very enthused. Do you not want a bath?� he
asked softly. �It�s alright if you want. I can draw you another one later.� What the fuck else have I got to do all day
but to wait hand and fucking foot on you, my dear?
"No! No...I'd love a bath."
�You don�t have to take one because of me, Aida,� he said
with a faint amount of mulishness.
"You're right. I have to take one because I reek. Don't
think I haven't noticed myself."
�You don�t�reek,� Sands said delicately.
"I smell to high heaven."
�You may be a little sweaty, but it�s not that bad.�
"You're lying again. But if you're not going to help
me, fine. I'll take a shower instead. At
least I won't drown that way."

He sighed. �That�s both pointless and overly dramatic. Of
course I�ll help you, Aida. Why else do you think I drew you a bath instead of
just turning on the shower and chucking you in bare ass first?�
"Then why are you arguing with me over whether or not I
need to bathe?"
�I wasn�t aware I was arguing.�
"According to you, I'm as fresh as a daisy!"
Sands rolled his eyes before he could help himself. �Alright fine. Yes, you smell of sweat and vomit and all out
sickness and I hate it. Does that satisfy you?�
"Yes. Like I said, I'm perfectly aware of how I smell. Up
until today, at least you've left the room now and then. I've been stuck in
there."
�Then do something about it,� he said pointedly.
"I asked you to let me spend time in the living room
today, didn't I?"
�That was then. Now it�s time for a bath.�
Aida sighed, but didn't bother arguing. It wouldn't be
effective anyway, since he seemed to be using his own brand of logic.
�Come on,� he said, offering to help her out of her pajamas
if she needed it.
Aida stood (with help), undressed (with help), and climbed
into the bathtub (with considerable help). Then she sighed
a happy sigh and submerged, popping up a few moments later and taking the
opportunity to flick water at her husband.
�Cute,� he murmured, wiping the water away as he took a seat
on the floor next to her. �Hot enough?�
"Yes." Hot and wonderfully
relaxing.
�Sufficiently girlish and smelly?� he asked with a raised
eyebrow.
"It's very nice. And you know you like smelling me like
this."
�I neither admit nor decline anything regarding that
statement,� he said blankly.
"That just means that I'm right."
�Well supposedly you�re my wise wife, so I guess it�s
possible.�
"Of course it is. Are you going to help me wash or
not?"
He answered her question by reaching down through the soapy
smelly water and bringing up the sponge to brush it across her shoulders. He
used his free hand to push his hair out of his face and to make sure his sleeve
wouldn�t fall back down his arm as he worked.
"That feels nice." Aida reached around and pulled
her hair over her shoulder. She couldn't wait to get it clean too.
�Did you want me to wash your hair first?� he asked as he
cleaned the sweat and dirt from her collarbone and shoulders before moving to
clean the back of her neck. He moved with the detached methodical gestures of a
nurse giving a patient a sponge bath for that was about what he had been
reduced to.
"No, this is good." She arched into the pressure
of his hand, sighing again in contentment.
�Good,� he responded with a nod, continuing to cleanse the
filth from her skin through measured movements. He never hesitated moving over
her breasts, he simply moved the soapy sponge over her skin and tried to ignore
how she reacted to the sense of well-being and relaxation he was creating in
her. She was all but moaning in pleasure now but he wasn�t listening.
Catching a glimpse of his face, Aida noticed his detachment
and didn't like it. She grabbed his hand, stopping its soothing motion, and waited
for him to look up at her. Waited for him to look at her and realize this was his
wife. It was true that she was in no state for things to go farther than this,
but was that any reason why he couldn't enjoy the moment as well?
�Did you want me to wash your hair now, Aida?� he asked,
looking up at her as he had thought that that was the reason she had stopped
him.
"No. I wanted to make sure you knew just who you were
washing. I wanted to make sure that you're here with me...because you feel far
away."
�I�m here, Aida. And I�m washing you,� he said with a mild
bit of confusion.
"You're keeping yourself away from me. You're
distant."
So what if I fucking
am? This is hard enough without being reminded just what I can�t
fucking have. �I�m sorry. I�m here.�
But she didn't let go of his hand. She just studied his
eyes, and the saw the shutters just beyond her reach.
Finally she let go. "Thank you for drawing a bath for
me, Sands. But I think I can manage without drowning myself."
She wants to be alone.
Fine. So fucking be it. �Alright. Call me if you need anything,� he said as he rose
to his feet slowly.
"I'd like to kiss your cheek," she said, wondering
if he'd let her.
�If you like,� he said without pause, bending down to her
height again so she could reach.
Aida kissed his left cheek, then his nose, then the point of
his jaw, then his right cheek. "Thank you," she whispered. "I
love you."
�You�re welcome,� he said as he straightened. �I love you
too.�
"I was thanking you for the bath, not for letting me
kiss you. I'm your wife; I should always get to kiss you."
He nodded. �You�re still welcome. Enjoy your bath. I�ll be
in the living room.�
"Alright." Aida watched
him leave, her contentment gone. It didn't matter what he said; he hated
watching over her while she was sick. She could tell.
Sands wandered back into the living room and collapsed onto
the couch with a heavy sigh, tension making his slouch more straight-backed
than it might have otherwise been. I
should fucking get sick sometimes and see if she enjoys this as much as she
thinks I�m supposed to, he thought bitterly. He would always take care of
her�he couldn�t do otherwise�but damn it all, it was wearing on him. He hated
seeing her like this; sick. He had hated it when she had been fighting cancer,
and he hated it again now that she was fighting drug addiction. He wanted to
hate her, wanted to hate her for getting herself sick, but the rational part of
his mind knew that was a futile gesture. The cancer at least had never been her
fault. He did his best to remember that and to look past all the rest.
Aida slowly washed herself, then
managed to get herself dried and dressed in her robe. She didn't call for Sands
to help her as she made her way into the bedroom and threw open all the windows
to help air the room out. And she was halfway done with remaking the bed before
the room started to spin. Only then did she take a seat on a chair and call for
her husband.
Sands started up at her call and was
at her side after a brief confused detour to the bathroom and the empty tub.
When he saw her and realised what she had been doing he sighed softly and moved
to finish making the bed.
"I almost finished," Aida said in her defense. "I
do think I'm getting better."

�If you keep pushing yourself you�re only going to get
worse. Do you realise that?� he couldn�t help but ask as he smoothed out the
top sheet.
Aida sighed. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do
then. I mean, you don't want to be taking care of me, but you don't want me to
take care of myself even a little bit."
�Why would you think that I don�t want to take care of you?�
he asked, stopping and turning to look at her.
"You think I haven't noticed how unhappy you are?"
�I�m unhappy that you�re sick, Aida. Is that so surprising?�
"You touch me like I'm a 90-year-old woman!"
He didn�t bother responding to that. She was being
irrational.
"You won't meet my eyes!"
If he hadn�t already been facing her, he would have whirled
on that angrily. As it was, his eyes locked onto hers in a searing gaze.
"You leave the room to sleep on the couch after you
think I fall asleep!"
�Yes,� he answered evenly, not bothering to deny it.
"And you're surprised that I think that you don't want
to take care of me?"
�Fine. It seems as if you�ve got
everything figured out. Believe whatever you like, Aida. It doesn�t really
matter because right now you need taking care of whether I want to or not.�
"I'm just trying to make it better for you. I'm trying
to make it easier. Is there something wrong with that?"
�No.�
"Then why are you upset with me?"
�I�m not upset with you. I�m upset with the situation you
find yourself in.�
Aida didn't believe him, but she got into bed when he helped
her over to the bed. He didn't give her a choice really, but she didn't feel
like fighting with him over it.
�What you ask of me is a lot,� he said with a sigh a moment
later. �I do love you and I know that I�m supposed to take care of you through
sickness and health, but it�s hard, alright? Some people are just the type who
can care for someone like that every day of their lives but I�m not one of
them. I love you so goddamn much Aida, but I hate this. I hate sitting around
all day by myself just waiting for the next crisis to show up. It�s selfish of
me, I know, but there it is.� He stood his ground and waited for her retort.
"Who said you have to sit around, Sands? Why don't you
get a hobby? Or a job? Why don't you get out of the
house other than just going out with Ian?"
�And leave you here by yourself? Now?� he asked
incredulously.
"Well, not now. But even when I'm well, don't you get
bored? I mean, you could even take some college classes or something if you
wanted to. Don't you want to get out of the house?"
He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. �This
isn�t about me, Aida.�
"Yeah, well, I'm tired of taking about myself. Now tell
me the truth, are you unhappy staying home all day?"
�Yes,� he said simply. Though
unhappy is a bit of a euphemism.
"Do you want to find a job or something? I mean, Ian's
going to be starting preschool in the fall, and then it'll just be you and me
rattling around the house."
He shook his head slowly at that, seeming to think it over.
�I don�t like being told what to do.� He couldn�t imagine some slow-witted
imbecile ordering him to do something day in and day out. He�d kill someone for
sure.
"Is there anything you'd like to do? A hobby you'd like
to try?"
�I don�t know, Aida. I�ve never really had a hobby before or
the desire for one.� That is, besides
killing people for fun.
"You could write a book. I'm sure you'd be great at
psychological thrillers or mysteries."
�A book? What do I know about
writing?�
"Do you get fed up with reading other people's books
because they're too stupid?"
He shrugged. �I suppose.�
"Well...it's something to think about at least." Aida
sighed and lay down.
It wouldn�t exactly get him out of the house, but at least
it sounded better than sitting around all day feeling his brain leak out of his
ears watching television and reading some of Aida�s trashier romance novels
when she wasn�t around to catch him.
"Ian's birthday is coming up," Aida said in a
sudden change of subject. "We should do something. I don't really want to
throw a party for him, but we should do something special."
�Like what?� Sands asked, accepting her subject change and
running with it.
"I don't know. I suppose he's a little young to take
him to Disney World..." Aida smiled. "What do you think he'd
like?"
Sands raised an eyebrow at that. �Are you kidding? He�s only
three. He likes everything.�
"Well, what's something you'd like for us to do as a
family?"
He shrugged. �Maybe we could go to the zoo. He�d like that.�
"This is my extravagant husband talking?"
He just shrugged again. �I�m trying out something different.
It�s called not drawing attention to yourself.�
And of course, that brought up another topic Aida had been meaning
to discuss for awhile. "Do you like living in England? Would you like to
live somewhere else?"
�It�s as good as any other country, I guess. And here you
and Ian don�t have to worry about having to speak another language. Sure, they
drive on the wrong side of the road and use so much slang that you start to
doubt that it even is English any
longer, but overall it doesn�t seem like a bad place to live.�
"But if you're found, you could be extradited. There're
other countries where that wouldn't happen. You'd be safer if we lived
somewhere else."
�England doesn�t like to extradite convicts to a certain
death. It doesn�t mean that they won�t, but they don�t like to.� He shrugged.
�And the countries with non extradition treaties aren�t places I�d necessarily
want to live.�
"But if you're found, you could be extradited. There
are other countries where that wouldn't happen. You'd be safer if we lived
somewhere else."
�Not necessarily. I don�t have to be in the US to be
sentenced, Aida,� he said softly.
"But there're countries that wouldn't send you back to
the US since you're facing the death sentence. I mean, Roman Polanski is simply
facing statutory rape, but he's sticking close to France."
�Would you want to live in France? Would Ian?�
"What does Ian know? He's young; he'll pick up a second
language quickly. And I'll have you."
�You�ll have me, huh?� he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"To help me learn another language," she
clarified.
�Oh. Pity,� he said wryly.
"You shouldn't tease when it's so easy to confuse
me," Aida murmured. "It's like cheating."
Sands very nearly rolled his eyes at that but stopped
himself at the last second. �Fine. You think we should
uproot to France then so be it.�
"I don't care where we live. I just want you to be
safe."
�I thought you were tired of moving around, Aida. Isn�t that
what you�re always telling me?�
"Well...yes. But one move doesn't necessarily mean a half dozen others."
�How do you figure?�
"Other people manage to move without switching houses
every few months."
�I�m not like other people, Aida.�
"You don't think we can stay put if we put our minds to
it?"
�Put our minds to it, right. Very amusing
pun, Aida. It�s my mind that causes us to move around so much in the
first place.�
"Sands..."
�What? Is that not the truth?�
"I don't think of it that way."
�Oh? Then what would you say the reason we�ve had to move so
much is? Bad neighborhoods?�
"You're turning this into something ugly Sands when all
I was worried about is your safety."
�I�m sorry.�
"For what? For arguing or
for..." She couldn't think of a way to phrase the rest of her question
without offending him.
�It doesn�t matter,� he murmured though he was blatantly
curious about what she had left unsaid. �I�m just sorry.�
"It's something to think about, anyway," Aida
mumbled before snuggling down into the blankets. "I suppose I should nap
now if I want to be awake when Ian gets home."
�Alright,� he said softly, smoothing the blankets out over
her. �Sleep well.�
"Wake me before Ian comes back if I'm not already up. Please?"
He nodded. �I will. Don�t worry.�
"Good. I miss
him. I want to see him."
�I�m sure he misses you too,� Sands murmured, remembering
the events of this morning before Ian had gone.
Aida nodded, then closed her eyes. "I
love you, Sands."
�I love you too, Aida,� he responded automatically. �Now get
some rest.�
"Kiss? I brushed
my teeth."
He gave her a small smile at that and leaned down to place a
gentle lasting kiss on her lips before pulling back. �Are you going to sleep
now or am I going to have to read you a story?� he asked wryly.
"Would you really?"
He shrugged. �I suppose. If you really
wanted me to. But I thought you said you needed your sleep.�
"But don't you want to know what happens in the next
chapter of Trevor's Torrid Temptress?" Aida asked wryly.
The sly one-eyed look she gave him let him know that he was
caught. Damn it. I thought I was being
sneaky. �Be that as it may, Ian�s going to come bounding in here when he
gets home whether you�re awake to receive him or not.�
"Fine. Go indulge yourself
then." With a smile of contentment
at having caught him by surprise, Aida finally gave in to sleep.
***
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More Than Darkness