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More Than Darkness	By : SaMe Category: M through R > Once Upon A Time In Mexico Views: 4591 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the movie that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 84
- 85
- 86
Jeffrey smirked with glee at the wail that assaulted
Sands� ears on the way out of the hotel room and pulled out his phone. He knew
Salida would understand that he wanted to be the one who informed Aida. Not
her. He had pushed Sands into a corner of his mind and dug a moat around it,
thinking back on the child they had left in the hotel room. That had been
roughly ten minutes ago. He was just not getting around to making the call. It
was cruel, he knew, but he was in no mood to be charitable. Especially
not after last night. Aida picked up after the first ring. �Hello, kitty. What a pleasure it is to talk to you again,�
he said cheerfully.
"Jeffrey...where's Sands? Where's Ian?�
�Sands is gone and your brat
is closed up in a hotel room downtown.�
"Fuck you, you heartless bastard," Salida
breathed. "Where's my son?" There was nothing she could do for Sands,
as much as it tore her up to admit it, but she could do something for Ian.
�What�s in it for me?� Jeffrey couldn�t help but
mock, withholding the information. He saw Salida shake her head ruefully at his
side and shrugged, a grin apparent on his face.
"What can I give you when you have everything I
love?"
��What�s the worst thing you can give to someone who
has nothing? Something broken,�� he quoted gleefully.
He hadn�t really wanted anything from her. And it wasn�t like she had anything
to give, anyway. �I do hope your son is alright. He seemed rather upset when we
left.�
"What did you do to him?" Aida demanded.
�We only told him the truth. It seemed as if he
didn�t know that I wasn�t his father. But don�t worry. I set him straight on
that count.�
"You bastard," Aida whispered, her heart
immediately breaking for her son. "He wasn't ready to know."
�Really? Well, oops. I guess
it�s too late now,� he said with a smirk.
"Damn you. Just tell me where my son is!"
Jeffrey shrugged. He had better things to do than to
toy with her anyway, despite how much fun it might be. He gave her the address.
�You might want to hurry. He was in a bit of a state�� he didn�t get to finish
as Aida hung up on him. He turned to Salida. �I guess she didn�t want to chat
any longer.�
"Good. You don't need to be talking to that
bitch anyway. I was planning to wait
a few hours."
�I got impatient,� he said with an innocent look.
"I've noticed." She flashed the beginning
of an evil grin when Jeffrey's right hand lashed out and caught her around the
throat.
�I should kill you right now you fucking bitch,�
Sands hissed, tightening his grip around Salida�s throat. �But that would be
too good for you. Know this, however. Do not expect to see Jeffrey again. He�s
gone. For good. Perhaps I�ll let your children grow a
little older before I orphan them�I�m not a complete bastard
despite popular opinion�but then again, perhaps not.�
"Fuck...you..." she gasped, retaliating by
slamming the heel of her hand up into his chin.
Sands� head rocked back from the blow and his hand
loosened around her neck. He wasn�t about to let her go though. Deciding in an
instant that his grip was lost, he removed his hand completely from her neck
and wrapped his bloodied fingers around the grip of the handgun he had seen her
place in her purse. He pulled it up to place it against her jaw, flicking off
the safety with a careless gesture. �Make a move and your children playing over
there will get to see mommy�s brains splattered out over the back of the park
bench,� he hissed.
Salida didn't move, didn't speak. She just glared
daggers at him and waited for Jeffrey to come clear all this up.
�If you�re waiting for him to rescue you I�m afraid
you�ll be disappointed.� He moved off of her but kept the gun trained at her
head with unerringly accurate aim. �Come after me and I�ll kill you. Come after
my wife and son again and I�ll kill your children and leave you to live. Do we
have an understanding?�
"For now. Tell them to
stay out of my way though. Because if they cross my path, I
won't be responsible for what happens."
�So be it.� He didn�t bother saying goodbye; he
simply kept the gun pointed at her as he walked away; disappearing again into
the city once he saw that she wasn�t coming after him.
***
Sands raced through the lobby and up the stairs of
the hotel Jeffrey and Salida had just left, his breath coming in harsh gasps as
he frantically searched for the room Ian was in. He had attracted more than a
little noticed with such an entrance, and he was vaguely aware that he had a
few members of hotel security trailing after him. It didn�t matter. He had to
find his son. Once he found his son he would deal with the rest. He came to a
sliding halt at the correct door, twisting it open it and crying out in
desperation to find that it was locked and he didn�t have the key. �Ian? It�s
your father. Please open the door. Just turn the knob,� he directed through the
door, hoping that Ian would hear him. The men chasing hadn�t yet caught up with
him, but it would only be a matter of time.
It took what seemed like an eternity, but the door
finally swung open to reveal Ian, his face tear streaked, his thumb tucked
securely in his mouth.
Sands didn�t dare to breathe. He just scooped his son
up into his arms without hesitation and held him tightly. �Ian I�m sorry, I�m
so sorry. I love you so much. And we can go home now. I promise. We�ll go see
your mother and everything will be alright again.�
"You left me," came
the quiet accusation.
�I had to, my child,� he whispered. �I had to keep
you safe from those mean people. I had to make them go away.�
"Is that why you said those things?"
�What things?� he asked softly.
"That you're two people and you're not my
daddy."
Sands turned his head and eyed the hallway for the
security members. They weren�t here yet but that was no reason to push his
luck. �Let�s go inside and I�ll try to explain. Your mother will be here soon
as well.� He walked into the room, pushing it shut behind him but not all the
way. He left it open for Aida. �I am two people, Ian. But I�m also your father.
I�ll always be your father.� He saw the incomprehension on Ian�s face. �Do you
have an imaginary friend? Someone only you can see and talk to?� Many normal
children did and he hoped Ian was one of them and not a budding schizophrenic
like Sands had been when he was younger.
"I talk to Rewind sometimes."
Sands nodded. It hadn�t quite been what he had
wanted, but he could work with it. �Jeffrey, that�s his name, is like an
imaginary friend but he lives inside my head. Do you understand?�
"A make-believe?"
�Kind of. But he�s been
around for a long time so he�s learned how to be more real. Like�Pinocchio.� He
was struggling to find ways to make Ian understand. �He can talk to you, and he
can talk to me. Sometimes, he can even make me say things and do things. He�s a
special kind of make-believe.�
Ian thought about that for a long time, long enough
for Aida to appear, wild eyed and wild haired. "Ian!"
�He�s alright, Aida. We both are,� Sands whispered
soothingly to her, handing Ian over to her without hesitation.
"Sands? Oh thank
god." Aida took Ian in her good arm then stepped as close to Sands as she
could. "I was so worried."
�I know and I�m sorry. There was nothing I could do
while she was here,� he said softly, not wanting to go into any further details
while Ian was still here with them.
"Let's go home, Mommy," Ian said in Aida's
ear. "I don't like it here."
"Alright, baby. We'll go home."
"Will you kiss Daddy first?"
Aida looked at her son as if wondering what had
brought this on, then glanced at Sands.
�He wants to be sure we love each other. Maeve told
him�� he shrugged, figuring that she could work out the rest for herself. It
was apparent she had when she pressed her lips against his.
Aida was trembling with relief and love; when Sands
wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss she had to struggle to
remember that she held their avidly watching son in her arms.
�See, Ian?� Sands breathed when they had separated.
�We love each other.�
Ian nodded, then yawned
hugely.
�Let�s go home,� Sands said with a nod at Ian�s yawn.
He had a gun on his person that likely wasn�t registered in a country where
owning a handgun was illegal, bloodied and torn hands which had never been seen
by a doctor, an alternate personality who wanted him dead, and a son likely
traumatized by the events. All in all it had not been a good day, and the idea
to go home was one he agreed with wholeheartedly.
***
Aida stepped into her apartment after Sands opened
the door for her, Ian asleep on her shoulder. She was so intent on putting her
son safely in bed that she didn't even see the mess around her.
Sands let her tend to their son while he looked
around. The items in the small apartment had apparently been thrown into boxes
with haste as if Aida were planning on making a quick exit in the dead of
night. He didn�t really blame her for such a reaction. He had had such thoughts
himself. She needed to get out of this place.
Aida laid Ian down on his bed as gently as she could,
pulled his blankets up around him, and then just watched him. Everything about his was precious. More
than precious. Just the thought of loosing him...
It wasn't long before Aida had broken down into
silent tears at her son's bedside.
It wasn�t long before Sands realised that Aida hadn�t
come back from Ian�s room. He frowned a bit in worry and moved to find her,
needing to see if she was alright after such a day as this had been. �Aida?� he
whispered upon entering Ian�s room. He immediately saw the state she was in and
crouched down on the floor behind her, offering what comfort he could give.
She turned around almost immediately, burying her
head in his neck and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. The tears didn't
stop; they started to fall faster.
Sands simply gave himself
over to her embrace, wrapping his arms awkwardly around her as it hurt to rub
her back as he wanted. He inclined his head to rest on top of hers, further
enclosing his presence around her. He wasn�t quite sure what he said to soothe
her in retrospect, but it must have worked on some kind of level for she slowly
began to relax in his arms.
"I didn't even change the locks," she
finally whispered. "I know they
were next to nothing, and I didn't even change them."
�Shh. It�s not your fault.
You couldn�t have known that she would come here. I didn�t even know that she
knew where you lived.� He ran his fingers through her hair in a gesture of
comfort despite the pain he felt. He would endure it and more for her.
"It's not just her. It's Jeffrey. And any other dangerous person in this city."
�Jeffrey is gone now and he�s going to stay that way.
I�ll do whatever it takes,� he swore to her in an unshaken whisper.
She shook her head, not wanting to hear this again. Not
wanting him to feel as if he was being forced into it.
�No, listen to me. I mean it, Aida. I�m tired of
this. He�s stepped over the line for the last time and if I can�t kill him then
I�ll find another way to get rid of him.�
"Only if you want. I
won't ask it of you."
�I do want. I want him out of my life. Out of our lives.
I don�t want Ian to ever have to meet him again.�
Aida nodded. That
she could agree with wholeheartedly.
�I want him gone, Aida,� he said again, his voice
tinged with a hint of desperation. �I know the drugs, I remember their uses.
I�ll take them. I don�t care anymore. I just don�t want to hear him anymore. Any of them. I don�t want you to have to fear me anymore,�
he whispered.
"I don't fear you."
�I know. You should,� he said softly.
�No I shouldn't." She sighed and lifted her
head. "We should go before we disturb Ian."
He wanted to argue her first point, but he agreed
with her second one. �Come on. We can talk about this elsewhere.�
She nodded, and clambered to her feet.
Together they
walked to the living room and took a seat on the couch, making their way
through the sea of boxes she had left out everywhere. Sands didn�t seem to
notice or care. �I�m going to do it, Aida,� he said with conviction. �I should
have done it a long time ago.�
"We've talked about it. But...things always came up."
�I know and more�s the
pity,� he murmured as he thought of all that could have been prevented if he
had gotten rid of Jeffrey those years ago.
Aida didn't say anything. In truth, she didn't want
to talk about this at all.
He would have been blind to miss her obvious
reluctance so he let the topic fall dead for now. �Could you�� he held out his
bloodied hands, �I mean, we never got to go to the doctor, and now�� His hands
needed seeing to, and he couldn�t do it himself. He hated to ask her to do it
again, but there was no one else.
She nodded. "Yes. Of
course." When she had him in the bathroom with all the bandages
off, she hissed in sympathy. "Are you sure you don't want to have these
looked at?"
�It doesn�t matter. They�ll heal eventually on their
own,� he hissed between clenched teeth. �The scars won�t be pretty, but I�ll
live.�
"If you're sure then."
Aida turned on the heat lamp just because it'd give her a bit more light. "We need to wash these. They look a little
red." She glanced up at him. "If they get infected we will go see a doctor about them."
He nodded. �Fine.� He let
her wash the wounds without comment, unable to say a word as he nearly bit his
lip in two throughout. He knew she was trying to be gentle, but she was also
determined to get the cuts cleaned to her satisfaction and that wasn�t a task
that could be done gently.
When she was finally done, Aida smoothed on some
numbing antibactirial ointment, making sure that
every single cut was nicely covered before lightly wrapping his hands in a few
layers of gauze. At the rate they were going through it, she was going to have
to hit a drug store soon.
�Thank you,� he breathed, moving his arm very slowly
to wipe away the light sheen of sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. It
hurt to even think about moving his
hands now despite the care she had placed on them, but he was grateful to her
for doing so.
Aida glanced at him out of unreadable eyes, nodded,
and went into the bedroom.
Sands let out the shuddering gasp he had been
withholding in her presence once she had left before pulling himself together
and following her.
Without turning to look at him, Aida started
stripping off her clothing. She was well aware that he was in the room. Well
aware that she had his full attention. Good. She wanted his attention. She
needed his attention.
Without hesitation, Sands went to stand closer to
her, yet didn�t move to touch her yet. He wanted to watch her undress, knowing
why she was doing it now, and what she needed from him. He wouldn�t begrudge
her the comfort. He would take some of his own in return.
When she was down to her underwear, Aida moved across
the room to Sands' side where she stood in front of him for a
moment before raising herself up to kiss him.
He kissed her back without hesitation; tasting the
desperation on her tongue and feeling his own lusts rise to meet her challenge
accordingly.
Once control of the kiss had transferred to him, Aida
started working on the buttons of his shirt - at some point they'd been done up
- quickly getting them undone. Her hands didn't bother to push the shirt from
his shoulders. They just delved underneath it, stroking whatever skin they came
across.
He hissed around the kiss when her fingers found the
shallow cut across his chest, but he didn�t pull away, silently begging her to
turn his pain into pleasure. He returned his attentions back to this kiss to
show her that he wasn�t hurt.
Needing more, Aida reached behind her and unhooked
her bra, quickly stripping it off so she could press her bare chest to his. Her
breath caught at the sensation of hot skin against hot skin, and she poured
that into their kiss, wanting him to know how much she needed and loved this.
As it was, Sands had a fairly good idea of the level
of her desperation for him, and responded in kind by pressing his quickly
hardening arousal against the juncture of her legs, rewarded when a moan spilt
from her lips through the kiss. He did it again, driving them both to
distraction from the movement. He couldn�t touch her like he wanted to, but
there were other means of touching her and he would explore them all.
When his lips pulled away from hers in a biting kiss
and turned to torment her neck, tasting the fear-sweat that had collected
there, Aida whispered, "I want to be on top."
He nipped at her neck at her words, but didn�t
otherwise argue. It didn�t matter. He knew it would be good between them either
way. And he could tell she needed to take back a little control in her life. If
this was the way she needed to do it, then he wouldn�t stop her. �As you wish,�
he whispered, licking a line up the side of her neck and blowing on it gently,
causing her skin to tighten with the abrupt cold and a gasp to escape from her
lips.
"Why can't you always be this cooperative?"
She shoved his shirt off his shoulders and started her own oral exploration.
�I suppose I could try,� he murmured breathlessly,
letting his head fall back away from her when she ducked out of his reach. Her
mouth was fire on his skin and he was more than happy to let it consume him.
Aida snorted softly but didn't tear her mouth away
from its current use. His skin tasted of salt and smelled entirely of him. It
was a heady combination; one that soon had her moving restlessly against him.
Sands moaned at her amorous attentions, for one more
than willing to let her do whatever she wished to him. This attitude was
probably brought about by the fact that he couldn�t touch her as he wanted to,
but that didn�t really matter for the moment. Nothing did really, except for
her lips on his skin. �Aida, Aida, Aida,� he whispered desperately, not quite
knowing why. It just felt�right somehow
to say her name.
Aida struggled slightly with the fly of his trousers,
but soon enough had button and zipper undone. Moments after
that they were sliding down the length of his legs as she moved closer, humming
her satisfaction.
Sands raised his head up off the bed to better watch
what she was doing to him, his breath coming out heavy between his slightly
parted lips. He was gasping beneath her touch; his body arching up to hers as
if he was a marionette and she held the strings. He didn�t care. He just prayed
she wouldn�t stop.
"Sit up against the headboard," she finally
whispered in his ear, her voice hoarse with desire.
If she had just asked him that in a normal, everyday
speaking voice, he might have refused on smirking principle. As it was, the
very instant her lust-roughened voice reached his ears he knew he would do
anything she asked of him. He simply moved without word or hesitation, careful
not to put pressure on his injured hands. The pain might have been a welcome
contrast to the pleasure she was currently showing him, but he didn�t want to
push his luck into ruining the mood when the pain was too intense too soon in their
games together.
Aida straddled his hips, her knees gripping him tightly
as she hovered above him. She wanted him inside her so much that she was
purposefully delaying. After all, there was a chance to get more of his
drugging kisses and it'd be a crime to pass that up.
�Why are you waiting?� Sands gasped; dimly amazed
that he had been able to form such a coherent sentence. She was mere inches
away from where they both wanted�needed
to be. He attempted to pull her down onto him, but it didn�t quite work.
Instead of sinking down on his throbbing arousal as he wanted, she tilted her
body forward to meet his. It wasn�t quite what he wanted, but that didn�t mean
he was going to ignore what was literally right in front of him. He captured
her lips in his, his tongue scouring her mouth, his teeth biting at her lip; he
did everything he could to bring her to the height of arousal in which she
would no longer tease but give in.
"Anticipation..." she managed to gasp
through the kiss before her brain shut down entirely.
If Sands had the words, he might have said something
to the effect of: �fuck anticipation,� but as he didn�t, he simply kept kissing
her.
Finally Aida could take no more and her body slowly
sank down onto his, robbing her of a deep moan.
Sands very nearly answered her moan with one of his own, but instead he bit down hard on her lip in pure
reaction, instantly feeling a kind of mild guilt when his teeth broke the skin.
He might have apologised were it not for the fact that she was suddenly rocking
against him. All thought became unimportant after that.
Her lip hurt, but it was a pain too distant to keep
Aida from following the demands of her body. She needed more of Sands, needed
to feel him around her, completely surrounding her. She'd been so worried this
morning, her heart bleeding at the thought that she might loose both husband
and son to her own stupidity. It hadn't happened, but she needed reassurance
that it never would.
Sands just kept kissing her, his hands moving over
her skin despite their limitations. He needed
to touch her. Nothing else mattered but that. His skin was ignited as she
moved against him and he had to return the favour. He had to trace his fingers
down her spine to the curve of her ass. He had to reach out and touch her
breasts as they dangled, full and inviting like ripe fruit, right in front of
him. Injured hands be damned, he was
touching her.
"Sands..." She had to pull away to catch
her breath. That was a rather useless goal. As she straightened, she felt his arousal
slide even deeper inside her and from that point on she was totally lost.
Sands let out a ragged gasp at her shift and moved
his fleetingly touching hands to the curve of her ass and began to pull her
down upon him hard with every thrust. He grunted each time but still managed to
kiss her arched neck and chest rather thoroughly through an act of will.
Hooking her injured arm around his neck to ensure he
stayed close to her, Aida used her other hand to comb through the sweat-dampened
locks of his hair. It still smelled faintly of his shampoo, and a quick grin
flitted across her face before a particularly vigorous thrust made her whimper
her pleasure into his crown.
Sands was kissing her without thought now, knowing
that with each bone-jarring thrust he was creeping closer and closer to the
edge. He could feel a tightening in the pit of his stomach and he worked to
further that sensation accordingly, pulling her down on top of him roughly,
again and again as his mouth arched across her skin. His abused fingers were
screaming at him but he barely took notice. His entire world was focused only
on the present, the here and now. The roof could be falling in on his head and
he wouldn�t bat an eye. The world was her and him. She was the only thing that
existed in his realm, the only thing he bothered acknowledging.
He was finally able to tilt his head up from under
her chin, needing to see her face. He drank in the sight of her desire-filled
eyes, knowing that she must be looking at him the same way. And closer and
closer still he moved towards oblivion.
"Please," Aida whispered, tightening her
knees around his hips. This kept him closer to her, kept him rubbing against
her clit with each thrust. "Oh please...Sands..."
Had he the presence of mind to tease he might have
done so, but as he was he could only respond to her gasping plea. He took a few
gulping gasps of air and set forth to bring them both beyond the heights of
pleasure, his eyes not leaving her face as he moved though he longed to throw
his head back and give himself over to his passions.
There. Just a
little�keep�oh god� He found his climax first but only by mere moments. His
face tightened in strain as he slipped into oblivion, but he kept thrusting to
draw out the pleasure for both of them. When he felt her climax bear down on
him, he couldn�t help a loud moan from escaping his lips.
"Yes," she whimpered into his ear, her hips
automatically jerking to counter his every move, to keep him inside her for as
long as possible.
He responded to that whimper in some indefinable way,
moving to facilitate her needs without thought. When at last he felt their
joined bodies still, he all but collapsed back against the headboard, bringing
her back with him, their sweat-slicked bodies sealing them closer together. He
held on to her with his bloodied hands, feeling no pain. She leaned up against
the shallow stinging gouge across his chest and it didn�t bother him in the
least. When she was with him, everything else faded into nothingness. Only love
could accomplish this narrowness of focus so effectively. �I love you, Aida.�
"Even after I've screwed up
again?"
Sands didn�t quite know what she was referring to
exactly, but it didn�t matter. His answer would be the same in any case. �Always.�
Aida nodded and fell silent.
Sands kept the silence for a long while, pressing his
chin to the top of her head and closing his eyes, content to sit here in her
embrace. His quick mind ensured he couldn�t keep the silence forever, however.
�I�m sorry for what happened, Aida. I should have stopped her.�
Aida laughed miserably. "Right.
Stopped her after I'd all but invited her in. After I'm the one who made everyone mad in the first place. After
I was the one who refused to back down from people I know are murderous and who
probably wouldn't mind killing Ian only because he's my son."
Sands honestly didn�t know what to say to that. He
felt as if he should comfort her somehow; tell her that it wasn�t her fault,
but he couldn�t deny her logic. It was
her fault. But it was his as well. Salida wouldn�t have known where to come if
it hadn�t been for him.
"You're the one who was there for him. You were
the one who was comforting him."
�Only just, Aida.�
"'Only just' can mean everything to a frightened
child."
�I was also the one to put him into that state in the
first place, Aida,� he muttered bitterly.
"No you weren't."
�How do you figure that, Aida? He�s half-convinced
now that his father doesn�t love him. And what�s more, is that he�s
half-right.� It hurt to say such things, but it was the truth.
"Why would he think that? You went for
him."
�No, I left him and came back later.�
"But you were there!" Aida didn't understand why he disputed this point. At
least he'd been able to do that much. That she hadn't was
eating at her.
�And I couldn�t do a single fucking thing!� he
insisted back. �I couldn�t only stand there while that bitch held a gun to our son�s head and told me to
tell him that I didn�t love him. Those fucking brats of hers told him that I
wasn�t two people. That I was only playing
at being your husband and his father. Do you understand?� he hissed, his
eyes glittering in rage at what he had been forced to do. �I left him there,
crying for me to take him home. He was still crying when the door was all but
slammed in his face.�
Aida flinched. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I
didn't know."
�No. You didn�t,� he said softly. He wasn�t accusing,
merely stating a fact.
"Was he...is he upset?"
�The first thing he said to me when I came back to
get him was, �You left me,�� he whispered, these words clearly weighing on him.
She tightened her arms around him. "But you came
back. You always come back. He knows that you do."
�He knows I always leave.�
"And that you come back," she insisted.
�I almost didn�t this time,� he whispered.
Aida shuddered. "I'm so sorry. It's my
fault."
He simply shook his head. �You shouldn�t have to live
in fear in your own house.�
"And yet, I don't change the locks."
He was trying very
hard not to blame her, but she wasn�t making it any easier by saying such
things. No you didn�t. You knew I could
pick it without breaking a sweat�Jeffrey too�and you did nothing! You let them
take our son! He bit down on his lip hard to keep from saying such things.
"We're moving," she whispered. "As
soon as we can settle on a place, we're moving."
�That�s only a stop-gap,� he murmured, his eyes
saying what he did not. As long as I�m
here, Jeffrey�s here. Something else has to be done. This can�t happen again.
"I'm not willing to send you away. So don't
suggest it."
He didn�t want to suggest it either. He didn�t want
to leave her, but it really would be the easiest solution� You�re too selfish to even consider it so just fucking forget about it. �I have to get rid of him, Aida. As long as he can come back� I won�t let him hurt you or Ian
ever again. Whatever it takes.�
"That scares me. The thought of you and he fighting. I mean, look at what just going after Sheldon
did. Who's to say that going after Jeffrey..."
�I�m not going to go after him,� he said softly. �I�m
going to get rid of him. Him and all the rest. I don�t
care anymore. If I was half as smart as I claim I would have done this years ago.�
"Alright. That does
sound a bit safer." Despite her words, Aida moved closer to him, as if chilled
by their conversation.
We�ll see.
�It does. It will be.�
Aida nodded, then lifted her
head from her chest. "Do you hear something?"
He hadn�t exactly been paying attention to the world
around them so he shook his head in answer to her question. �Why? What did you
hear?�
"I think its Ian." Aida rolled out of bed
and pulled on her robe, trying the sash as she quietly hurried out of the room.
Sands frowned and quickly pulled on his discarded
pants on and moved to follow her, instantly worried at what she thought she
heard. He didn�t hear anything himself but he trusted her instincts for the
most part. Especially when it came to dealing with their son.
Aida paused outside their son's room, listening
intently for whatever she thought she'd heard. Then she heard it, the small
muffled sound of a child too scared or too tired to cry in earnest.
Sands moved silently to her side, hearing now what
she had heard. His face fell but he couldn�t claim he hadn�t expected this. �Go
to him,� he whispered needlessly.
"Don't go away," she murmured before moving
into the room.
He nodded to himself since she had already passed out
of his line of sight, and leaned up against the wall outside Ian�s door to
listen. He felt a bit like an intruder within his own family, but he couldn�t
just go and wait in the living room until she had come back. He had to know
exactly what Ian was upset about. It was a morbid wish, but one that couldn�t
be denied.
"Hey, baby," Aida whispered, going to sit
next to her son. "What's wrong?" Ian didn't speak. He just climbed up
into her lap and latched on to her with an unshakeable grip. She hugged him then stood up, carrying him
with her. "Why don't you come sleep with Mommy and Daddy.
Would you like that?" When she felt
his head nod, she relaxed a bit. Whatever else had happened, Ian still wanted
to be around his father.
Sands watched in silence as his wife and son walked
out of the room, an indiscernible look upon his face. �I�m not going anywhere,�
he said suddenly, his voice soft and calm and for Ian�s ears.
Ian looked up. He considered Sands for a moment then
reached out with one little hand. For a moment neither Sands nor Aida were sure
what he wanted, but when he simply took hold of Sands' hand and didn't try to
actually relocate, the family slowly walked back to Aida's bedroom.
Sands didn�t know what to say to this so he remained
silent, holding Ian�s tiny hand within his as it were somehow granting him
peace rather than the other way around.
Aida sat down on the bed with Ian in her arms,
watching Sands as she did so. He looked like he was about to bolt. She hoped he
didn't, for both his and Ian's sakes.
Sands didn�t know what was going on, didn�t
understand his feelings at all. He looked down at mother and son gathered
together in expectant patience and he didn�t know what to do. It was clear that
he should say something, do something, but he could just stand there looking
foolish. Ian wanted him here, that much was obvious.
Aida needed him here, that much was also obvious. And
yet�and yet he stood in front of both of them wanting to turn and run like a
coward. You can�t do that. So suck it up
and take a seat, buddy boy. He took a breath and settled himself on the bed
next to Ian and Aida.
Aida leaned over to kiss her husband's cheek while
Ian leaned his head against Sands' arm. The boy started sucking his thumb, and
it wasn't long before he'd fallen asleep again.
Sands sighed at the situation, both enjoying and
fearing it in the same moment. This was what he wanted, a family of his own,
safe and his, but he didn�t have the slightest idea what do with it. He hadn�t
the skills for fatherhood, no matter how Aida tried to convince him otherwise.
She made parenting look so�natural while
he was struggling to keep his head above water.
"We might have to deal with this for the next
few days," Aida murmured, leaning her own head on Ian's shoulder. "He's
had a scare.�
He nodded. He understood that for the most part. He
understood the whys of the situation but not the hows.
He didn�t know the first thing about comforting a child. He apparently hadn�t
done enough yesterday. Ian was obviously still greatly troubled over what had
happened, and Sands hadn�t the slightest clue of how to fix him.
"You don't mind letting him sleep with us?"
�Won�t that teach him bad habits?�

Aida thought about it. "In some children it might. But he's never shown a
preference for it."
Sands shrugged. �If you think it�s alright then
that�s fine.� He wouldn�t relish the imposed celibacy that went along with it,
but he�d live.
"No, I mean, if you don't want him to sleep
here, he can always be moved back to his own bed..."
�You asked him if he wanted to sleep here. He did.
You can�t make him go back to his room now that he thinks he�s sleeping here.�
"Alright. But if this happens again tomorrow? Or the
night after that?"
�We�ll deal with that then.�
"Alright." Aida
resettled her head. "I do value your input, you know."
Sands wanted to ask her why, but instead he nodded.
She could feel his disbelief, his confusion. "I do."
�Why?� he asked at last, honestly
wanting to know.
"You're his father," she said simply. "You
have every right to have opinions about how to best raise our child. And you
have the right to share them, and to have me think about them, and decide on
the best course of action with me."
�But I don�t�� he cut himself off, ashamed at his own
foolishness. �Alright. Let him stay here tonight. It�s
fine and it�s what he needs right now.�
As much as she was pleased to hear that, Aida wasn't
one to let his doubts rest. "What don't you?"
He shook his head, unwilling to speak upon such
things now. �It doesn�t matter.�
"It does if it matters to you."
�Leave it be, Aida,� he said softly.
"But -"
�I said,
leave it be,� he hissed, his voice taking on a clipped and biting tone as if
she were forcing words past his lips.
Aida froze, recoiling a little at the tone of his
voice.
Sands turned to glare at her before turning his gaze
across the room, his features tight under angry strain.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just
don't want you to doubt that you can be a good father."
�I don�t want to talk about it,� he murmured, his
voice still cold yet free of the glittering anger which had filled it seconds
ago.
"Fine."
�Fine,� he echoed, glad she had at least put her
questions to rest. He loved her, he truly did, but there were times when he
could no longer stand her attempts to pry open his head and rearrange the
contents within to suit her. He knew that wasn�t quite what she was doing, but
at the moment that�s what it felt like.
"I umm...I think I'm going to go take a shower
if you're willing to stay here with Ian."
He nodded, deciding that was a sufficient enough
answer to her question.
"Alright." Aida
carefully shifted Ian off her lap and left the room without another word.
Sands didn�t watch her go. Instead he turned his
attentions towards his son, moving halting fingers to brush away a lock of dark
hair so like his own. Ian�s sleeping face was angelic and he couldn�t imagine
how anyone could ever want to harm such a child, any child really. He killed
men and women alike without pause or thought, and yet he had never once
considered killing children. He would kill their parents as he had killed his
own time and time again but he would leave them free to the world as he had
been. They were better off. Ian�s better
off without me. Aida doesn�t like to hear it, but it�s true. I�ve only known
him for a very short time and already I�ve brought him misery and pain. Why
couldn�t Aida see this? Although�as much as he wanted her to
agree with his logic, he selfishly didn�t want to follow it himself. He
didn�t want to leave. He would likely get his family killed for that
selfishness but it couldn�t be overcome. He buried his head in his hands and
waited for Aida to return.
***
It had been easier than he had anticipated to get ahold of the antipsychotics he thought would work the
best. He had had visions of overzealous pharmacist employees questioning the
scrawled prescription he had filched from one of the local doctor�s offices.
But he was apparently being overly paranoid; as he was often want to do. The
bored woman behind the counter barely gave the scribbled scrip a second glance
before hand over the prescriptions he had prescribed himself.
With not a small amount of trepidation, he carried
the nondescript bag back to Aida�s new flat/apartment. They had discussed what
he considered would be the more effective drugs for what he needed�silence
within his own mind at long last�and he had only gotten those drugs. He hadn�t
wanted to press his luck by trying to get any of the experimental ones, not
wanting to risk exposure by filling out an illegal prescription for a drug that
may or may not work. He saw Aida sitting up waiting for him and took a silent
seat next to her on the couch. �I didn�t have any trouble. I got them all,� he
said softly.
Aida breathed a sigh of relief. She'd half expected
to get a phone call from Sands saying he'd been arrested. Or hear on the news
that a man trying to illegally obtain antipsychotics had been killed.
At her sigh he grabbed the bag, pried up the staple
holding it closed and upended its contents on the couch between them. �Have you
heard these names before?� he pointed to the bottles of Lithium and Haldol in the small pile. �Do you want to know what they
do? Or would you rather not know?� he asked with a hint of levity in his voice.
"I know that Lithium is something they put in batteries,
but that's about it." Aida picked up the pill bottles. "I do want to know what they do. I want to
know the side effects. I want to know the dangers. I want to know how long
it'll take them to go into effect."
He nodded and looked at the bottles she held in her
hands. �Lithium and Haldol both are basically mood
stabilizers. Lithium is used mainly to treat manic-depressive disorder which I
may or may not have.� He shrugged. It would explain more than a few things if
he did, but he had never been properly diagnosed for many of the diseases he
had so what was one more? �The Lithium will also�quiet Jeffrey and the others,�
he said softly, as if he didn�t want them to overhear. �Haldol
has much the same effects. The dangers are similar to every drug, there�s the
possibility of overdose naturally. Specific side effects of Lithium are
dizziness and hand tremors, headaches and confusion. Haldol
is pretty much the same, though it has a few added side effects such as
difficulty in speaking or swallowing and restlessness. Oh and I turn part
vampire as it increases skin�s sensitivity to the sun. There are a few other
rarer ones, but those are the more common.�
Aida absorbed all this carefully before asking,
"And how long before it takes effect?"
Sands shrugged. �Not long. But that�s another thing I
failed to mention. I can�t just up and stop taking them one day and all the
side effects will go away immediately. For the drugs to be effective, they
build up levels in the blood which remain even after they�re no longer taken.�
"Alright." Aida met Sands' eyes. "Are you sure you
really want to do this?"
�I don�t think I have a choice,� he said softly,
eying the innocuous looking pill bottles with no small amount of trepidation.
"Don't you?"
He shook his head. �Fight or drugs. He won�t bargain.
And even if he did, Salida wouldn�t.�
"So it's them or us."
�So it would seem.�
"Okay...okay... If you think this is for the
best then."
He gave a weak little smile. He didn�t think it was
best, he didn�t want to become dependant on medication of any kind, but he just
couldn�t deal with it all anymore. �I want it to be quiet,� he whispered.
"Understandable."
He shook his head. She couldn�t possibly understand.
�I shouldn�t take both them together to start out with. But I can start one and
take a smaller dose of the other after a little time has passed. Therefore�do
you have a preference?� he gestured to the two bottles. �Eeny meny?�
"You know more about them than I do." Aida
held both bottles out to him. "You choose. It's your life we're talking
about."
�It�s not much of a choice,� he murmured. �Haldol,� he said after a long consideration. �I won�t have
to take as much.�
"Sounds good." Aida
sighed then tried on a small smile.
�Could you get me a glass of water?� It was best not
to put this off. If he did, he might never take it and that would solve
nothing.
"Absolutely." Aida
stood, and hurried into the kitchen, returning shortly with the requested
water.
�It won�t take effect right away,� he said, shaking
out a single pill onto his palm after casually re-reading the directions on the
bottle. �The peak of effectiveness is between two to six hours. After that�� He
shrugged and accepted the glass of water. �Here goes everything,� he muttered,
swallowing the pill and the entire glass of water as was suggested. He wiped
his mouth with his knuckle and handed both the glass and the pill bottle to
Aida. �You�ll have to be in charge of those, I think. I don�t know if I�ll
remember to take it otherwise.� He was mildly astonished at how calm he
sounded. Especially when he felt anything but.
Aida doubted that. After all, this was his idea. His
life that hinged on whether or not this worked. But if he
wanted the illusion that he wasn't responsible for it... Actually, I'm not sure if that's a good idea
or not.
Sands didn�t know what to say. He already knew that
this was going to be one of the worst parts of this whole experience; waiting
for some kind of change. He didn�t quite know what that change would be or when
it would come, he simply hoped he�d be able to recognise it when it came. He
suddenly realised that she was watching him with a frown marring her features.
�What?�
"You know that I'm not forcing you to do this,
right? That I'd love you even if you weren't?"
He cocked his head to the side at the question, but
nodded.
"And you believe it. And you're not going to
blame me if this doesn't work or if it somehow makes things worse."
�Why would I blame you?�
"Well...I guess I just don't understand why you
want to make me responsible for reminding you to take these. I mean, if I were
the one taking them, and I knew that my sanity depended on them, I wouldn't
need or ever want someone else to be responsible for them. Because what if that
someone forgot about them?"
�You�re right. I�m sorry.� He didn�t want to explain
to her that he had put her in that position out of habit rather than thought.
He had attempted to manipulate her with all the ease of breathing. It had been
instinctual. He took the pills back from her and dropped the bottle in his
shirt pocket.
"Not that I won't try to remind you. I mean,
this is new to us both, and if you want me to stop all you have to do is tell
me to. And you said that one of the side effects is confusion, so...I don't
know. I just don't want you to blame me, or get paranoid or something." Aida
was trying to make him understand that she had her own fears about this.
�Supposedly it�s supposed to �cure� me of silly
things such as paranoia,� he said wryly before growing serious at his own
words. �This isn�t a cure. It�s not a panacea. What I have�what I have can�t be
cured; only dealt with. Do you understand? If it�works, I�ll have to keep
taking it for a very long time. Perhaps for the rest of my
life.�
"I know. I know that." Aida slipped into
his lap and sighed. "I guess I'm
the one who's being paranoid."
�Don�t worry about it,� he said softly, wrapping his
arms around her and breathing in the scent of her hair. �Don�t worry about
anything. Everything will be fine. Better even.� You�ll have a choice at a normal life without having to deal with your
mentally unbalanced husband.
"I hope so." She squeezed him. "Do you
want to go get Ian for dinner?"
�Certainly. There�s only one
problem�� he looked to her as she sat on his lap but before she could move to
let him he had captured her in his arms and was carrying her in the direction
of Ian�s bedroom.
This finally produced a giggle from his wife; her
face lightened and she tightened her arms around his neck. "Sands, put me down."
�Why would I want to do that when I�ve got you right
where I want you?� he asked casually, stepping into Ian�s room and calling for
his son since he couldn�t quite look downward for him as Aida�s head as in the
way.
"Why are you carrying Mommy?" Ian jumped up
on his rumpled bed - clearly he'd jumped on it a few times already this afternoon
- so he could see his parents faces.
�Because I wanted to swing her around in a circle
like this,� Sands explained to Ian after demonstrating. He spun around in a
tight circle. He was delighted as both mother and son laughed.
"Me next!" Ian jumped
off his bed and ran over. Grabbing Sands' leg, he demanded again, "Me
next!"
Sands returned Aida to her feet
gently and was amused when she wobbled slightly in dizziness. He opened
his arms and Ian practically leapt up into them. �I�ll spin you but then it�s
time for dinner, ok?� Ian nodded eagerly and Sands spun him around in a circle
as he had with Aida. �There you go,� he said as he set Ian back down on the
bed.
"Again!"
Sands might have held fast that they have dinner
first, but he didn�t know which side-effects he would have and therefore he
didn�t know if he would be up to doing small simple things like this with Ian
later. �Alright. One more time.�
He picked Ian up into his arms and spun around, a smile making its way to his
face at his son�s delighted squeal of laughter.
"Alright, alright. Enough of that." Aida stopped father and son and then
kissed both smiling faces. "Go wash up and I'll get dinner on the
table."
Sands smirked at might have given her a dry �yes,
mother� if circumstances had been different. As it was, he simply nodded and
led Ian to the bathroom so they could both wash their hands for dinner.
***
"You're in a considerably better mood,"
Aida murmured as Sands came back into the living room after putting Ian to bed.
�I suppose,� Sands said with a shrug. Could this be
the drug taking effect? If so, he couldn�t find any fault with it. �I don�t
really feel much different though. Maybe��
�You motherfucking
son of a bitch!� Jeffrey hissed though his voice was rough as if he
wanted to scream but couldn�t. �I�m going to kill you!�
Sands visibly staggered at this unexpected assault.
�Jeffrey you don�t�you can�t�I�m getting rid of you. All of you.�
�You can never get away from me you pathetic,
worthless, piece of shit. You can�t even get away from your own sob story of a
childhood and that was fucking years
ago. I�m already in and I know my way around. I�ll make you suffer but not
before I�ve killed your whore and her brat.�
Aida froze, unsure of what to do. If she tried to go
protect Ian, she had to get closer to Sands and Jeffrey, and that would be
putting herself in danger. There was the chance that
Sands could control Jeffrey long enough for her to get to Ian's room to lock
and bar the door, but if he couldn't...
Sands let his legs give out from under him and he
clasped his hands to the side of his head. �You�re already gone. You won�t
exist any longer. You�ve never existed.�
�Trying to convince yourself
of that, are you? Fuck you. I�ve been here listening to your sniveling for far
too fucking long. You�re the one
who�s gone. You�re weak and I don�t need you. I don�t want you. I don�t have to
put up with you any longer��
Had it been his imagination or did Jeffrey sound
softer there towards the end? �You�re wrong. I don�t need you. Perhaps
I did once but I don�t now. You�ve outlived your usefulness.�
�Bastard. You can�t�I�ll
fight.�
�I don�t need to fight. I�ve already won.� Sands
waited for an answer but none was forthcoming. �Jeffrey?� he prompted, thinking
it was some kind of trick. Still, there was no answer. He searched for a brief
second when he noticed something rather�peculiar. Silence.
Utter, complete silence. �Aida�� his voice held a note
of wavering fear as if he were afraid he was being tricked in some manner which
he could not see. He needed her to tell him the truth.
"Sands?" Through a
dry mouth, Aida forced her husband's name out.
He turned his head in the direction of her voice, his
eyes wide when they met hers. �Gone. They�re all
just�gone.�
"And none too soon." She covered her eyes with her hand.
Sands didn�t hear her. He was too entranced by the
silence within his own mind that all he could do was to sit on the rug with a
rather stunned look on his face. �They�re gone,� he said again.
When she realized he seemed to be in shock, Aida got
to her feet and crossed the room to kneel on the floor beside him. "Are
you alright? Are you feeling okay?"
He slowly looked at her, still seemingly in a daze.
�It�s quiet.� That was about all he was capable of at the moment.
"Isn't that a good thing?"
�It�s�it�s�I don�t know what it is. It�s never been
quiet before. Is this�it�s always like this?�
"I don't know what you mean."
�Is it supposed to be this quiet? I mean, I thought
it would be quieter, that some of them would be gone but�they�re all gone. The din�it�s not there.� His
still-healing hands grasped at her arms as if he needed an anchor to steady him
to the world.
"I don't know. I don't know what things are
'supposed' to be like, Sands. I know what my mind is like -"
�What? What is it like,� he asked, desperate to have
any insight on what was �normal� that he could. The drugs were obviously
working, but how much?
"I...I can hear myself think. When I'm
distracted, parts of plays or bits of song run through my head. Sometimes in my
voice, sometimes in the voice I heard them in."
He nodded, eagerly soaking this information in. �I
hear�heard�voices. All the time. Not Jeffrey
but�others. I don�t know how many but it seemed like a lot; a crowd. I couldn�t
understand what they were saying most of the time but they were always there. An everlasting din. I�miss it,� he said very softly, ashamed
of what he had admitted to her.
"That's what you're used to," Aida said
softly. "In time you'll get used to this."
He nodded. �I�m tired,� he said after a long minute
of contemplative silence.
"Alright. We'll go to
bed."
�I think you�re going to have to help me up,� he
murmured after an abortive attempt to rise to his feet on his own had sent him
back to his knees as a way of vertigo overtook him. It seemed as if that was
one of the side-effects that he�d have to deal with. He had been fine when he
was on the ground, but as soon as he had tried to stand up the world had gone
sideways.
"I can do that." Aida bent down and wrapped
her good arm around his shoulders, bracing herself as he leaned his weight on
her.
�I�m alright,� he hastened to assure her as he
regained his footing. �Just�dizzy.�
"Understandable. You could just be dizzy with
relief." There was a faint trace of humor in her voice.
�I didn�t know it could be like this,� he said softly
in response to her comment. �It�s always�I�ve always heard them. And now�� he
trailed off, not knowing how to voice what he was feeling in a way she could
understand.
"Just give it time," Aida murmured as they
entered the bedroom.
�I wish I could explain what its like,� he muttered
despite her reassurance. �I want you to understand,� he said with a sigh as she
led him to take a seat on the bed.
"I don't need to understand. If you're happy,
I'm happy. If you're concerned, I'll be concerned. I just want to support you
in this."
He nodded slowly. Didn�t she realise he was trying to
share this aspect of his life with her? Hadn�t she once complained that Salida
knew him better than she did? Did she still feel that way? He voiced none of
his concerns. �Alright. Thank you.�
Aida kissed his temple, then
bent down to take off his socks. As long as they were in here, they might as
well get ready for bed.
�You don�t have to do that,� he muttered, a sudden
swell of irritation filling him. He didn�t want her to treat him like an
invalid now. Just because he was taking the drugs now didn�t make him a raving,
drooling lunatic. He was still who he always was. Only now he could voice his
own thoughts and concerns without someone there to answer them.
"I wanted to." Aida rose, capturing his
lips with hers as she did so.
Now he felt as if she was trying to distract and calm
him into compliance and this only served to piss him off. �Don�t,� he grumbled,
pulling away. �Not now.�
Aida watched him for a moment, wondering just what it
was that she'd done wrong. But Sands didn't say anything else - hell, he wasn't
even meeting her eyes - so she stood up. "I'm going to go start the
dishwasher," she informed him as she pulled out a pair of silk boxers he
liked to sleep in - when he slept in anything - and tossed them at him. "Be
right back."
Sands nodded curtly in reply and moved to undress
when he heard her leave. He ignored the confusion he had heard in her voice.
Surely she must know why he had pushed her away. He grunted in irritation at
the limitations of his own body as the room spun again as he stood to remove
his pants, but he managed not to fall. He could only imagine her reaction if she
returned to find him face-first on the floor. The image brought a scowl to his
face which was still present when she returned a few minutes later.
Just a glance at his grim face and Aida decided to
just keep her mouth shut. She didn't want to argue with him. Especially
when he was just out of sorts because he didn't understand how he actually
felt.
He's confused.
And he doesn't like it. But that's all it is, Aida assured herself as she
searched her lingerie drawer for some suitable pajamas. He just needs time to adjust.
Sands just lay back in bed and stared up at the
ceiling, hearing her move about the room but not turning his head to look at
her. He didn�t think he could stand her eyes full of pity on him right now.
He�d surely snap at her and he wasn�t in the mood for a fight right now. He
just wanted to be left alone.
Aida glanced at the unmoving figure on the bed as she
went into the bathroom; Sands was ignoring her. She sighed, then
proceeded to finish getting ready for bed.
"Goodnight, Sands."
�Goodnight, Aida,� he responded in kind. He might
have said more, given some gesture of love, but honestly he wasn�t in the mood.
He simply rolled to his side and tried to sleep.
As the night wore on, Sands lost track of time. Not
that it particularly mattered; he was too...nervous...to sleep. What if he fell
asleep and woke up to find that everything had changed? Or that nothing had? He
wouldn't be able to take it.
It wasn't until Aida rolled over uncounted hours
later and slipped an arm over his waist in her sleep that he was able to
actually relax.
***
Sands wiped a hand across the fogged mirror after
pushing down a childish urge to draw smiley faces on the reflective glass. He
tucked his wet hair behind his ears so that it curled and dripped on his neck.
He stared as his reflection for an innumerable amount of time before glancing
down to the innocuous looking pill bottle on the sink. Taking a breath he
upended the bottle into his hand and quickly swallowed a few pills with a glass
of water. Once he had done that, his eyes flashed back to the mirror and he
stared. He didn�t know what he expected to see reflected back at him but he
didn�t turn away. It wasn�t until he realised just how long he had been in the
bathroom that he cinched the towel around his waist and wandered back to the
bedroom to get dressed. �Good morning,� he addressed Aida softly as he saw her
moving about putting clean clothes in the dresser.
"Good morning." Aida watched Sands out of
the corner of her eye as she finished her chore. She didn't plan on making the
first move and getting snapped at for her initiative. If Sands wanted to do
more than exchange pleasantries, he'd let her know.
Sands for his part didn�t know quite what to say so
he simply set about looking for something to wear. A small smile made its way
to his face unbidden as he realised he�d never have to wear red ever again if
he didn�t want to. The smile dipped as he unconsciously searched for Jeffrey�s
presence and didn�t find it. He didn�t like the way that made him feel.
Aida's voice distracted him. "What did you
say?"
Sands turned and blinked at her. �I said something?�
"No. I just washed your clothes this morning and
dried them."
�Oh. Thank you,� he said after a moment, still half
wondering if he had actually said something and he just couldn�t remember
saying it. He moved slowly to stand beside her and reached over to pull out a
black shirt and pants. The colour suited his current mood.
Aida shifted away from him slightly, still a little
stung from his treatment of her the night before. "I'm going to go start
breakfast."
�Aida, stop. Don�t go just yet,� he entreated,
turning to look at her. �I don�t want to fight with you.�
"I wasn't aware we were fighting." I
thought you were too busy ignoring me to fight. "I'm just trying to help
you by giving you time to think. To adjust." Since you don't want any
other kind of help from me.
He shook his head. �Fine.�
He didn�t quite dismiss her, but it was a close thing.
Aida sighed, then kissed his
cheek in a reconciliatory gesture. "I'll be in the kitchen."
He nodded. �I�ll get dressed and join you in a
minute.� He watched her nod and leave before he turned back to the task at hand
of getting himself dressed for the day. It took a minute as he still felt a
little residual dizziness from yesterday�s pills, but he managed and left to
join her.
Halfway down the hall, he felt something attach itself
to the back of his leg. Looking down - trying not to overreact - he found his
sleepy-eyed son, thumb and security blanket securely in place.
�Good morning,� he murmured softly, not really
looking for a response. If he didn�t know better, he�d swear his young son
wasn�t able to function without a cup of strong black coffee in the morning. He
leaned over and with a small amount of care he was able to bring Ian up into
his arms for the rest of the journey to the kitchen.
"There's my boys,"
Aida smiled when Sands and Ian entered the kitchen. "I thought I'd make
bacon, omelets, and toast this morning."
Sands nodded as he set Ian down at the table. �That
sounds fine.�
"I know what Ian wants. But I don't think I've
ever made an omelette for you before."
�Whatever you make will be fine. Just put whatever
you�ve got into it and I�ll eat it.� He shrugged. He wasn�t that picky, was he?
He didn�t think so but Aida was looking at him as if he�d hate whatever she
made him no matter what was in it.
"Well, I tend to put peppers and such in mine. I
wasn't sure if you were up for that much spice first thing in the
morning."
He nodded, considering this. �Just cheese will be
fine then. While I do like many breakfast foods, I�ve never been much of a
breakfast person. A plain cheese omelette will be fine.�
"Alright. There's
coffee in the coffee maker." There was always coffee in the coffee maker -
there just because she knew that Sands liked coffee - but Aida wasn't sure he
remembered it was there.
Sands glanced over to where she indicated and saw
that the pot was indeed full of coffee. �Thanks,� he murmured, making his way
over to grab a mug. He didn�t know if the coffee would affect the haldol in any way, but he didn�t really care. It probably
wouldn�t.
"Do you want toast? Or an
English muffin? I've got both."
Right now all he wanted was for his hand to stop
shaking long enough for him to pour himself a cup of coffee without burning his
fingers. �An English muffin sounds good. Thank you.�
Aida got to work making breakfast, keeping an eye on
"her men" as she did so. Sands still seemed a little pale and a
little out of it as he sat at the kitchen table with Ian on his lap, but other
than that he didn't appear to be confused or anything.
�You look like you need this more than I do,� Sands
commented to Ian softly as he swallowed a mouthful of black coffee. �Either
that or you look like you�re going to fall asleep face-first in your eggs.�
Ian opened his eyes to consider this, but then
decided that Sands was simply trying to be funny. He closed his eyes again and
made himself more comfortable against Sands' shoulder.
Sands sent his sleepy son a small smile before
turning to consider Aida. �Was there anything in particular you wanted to do
today, Aida?� he asked lightly, attempting to make amends for their earlier
disagreements.
"Besides get you some clothes? No, not really. Maybe
we could go to the water park or something."
Sands had been about to ask if he really needed
clothes when he sat and thought about it. Between the time
he�d spent in prison and as Jeffrey he�d left a good portion of his wardrobe
behind. He nodded. �That sounds fine.�
"Alright." Aida
put the omelets in the oven to keep warm while she made toast and set the table
with plates, butter, her jam rack, and a pitcher of milk.
Something about the way she said that, as if resigned
but not upset with him, gave him pause. �What is it? Was there something else
you wanted to do today?�
"She wants to wear her fancy dress," Ian
murmured around his thumb.
Sands looked down at his son with a small frown
before turning his attention back to his wife. �You wanted to go out tonight?�
"No. Not really." Aida left,
then returned with toast and omelets. "We'd better eat up before they get
cold. Nothing worse than cold eggs."
Sands� frown only deepened. �Yes, you did. That�s
fine, Aida. I�d love to go out with you tonight. It�s�been a long time,� he
said softly, giving her a small smile to show that he wasn�t upset with her.
"No, it's alright. Really.
I mean, you might be too tired tonight to do much at all if we go shopping and
go to the water park."
�I�ll be fine,� he said evenly. �I want to do this
for you.�
"Going out to dinner is something that should be
enjoyed by both parties. Not something done as a favor." There was a trace
of heat in Aida's voice, a trace she heard all the more strongly since it was
there against her will. Aida looked down at her plate and then looked up. "Ian,
you need to sit in your own seat now so we can eat breakfast."
Sands was mildly hurt by her harsh words but shrugged
them off as if he wasn�t. If she didn�t want to go out, fine. He let Ian move
out of his lap and into his own seat in silence. He watched as Aida placed a
plate before him in silence. He picked at his food while staring steadily down
at his plate in silence. He might have said something to her had Ian not been
there, but as he was Sands simply kept his mouth busy with eating his
breakfast.
Aida finished her meal first, painfully aware of
Sands and her own outburst of temper. It was a relief to get up and start
cleaning up the kitchen.
Sands watched her in silence, becoming less hungry
with each passing minute. Finally giving up on pretenses, he set his fork down
on his plate and got up from his seat in a gesture lacking his usual grace. In
silence he retreated to the depths of the house, oddly craving a cigarette for
the first time in a long time just for something to occupy himself with. He
didn�t bother hiding himself away; he took a seat on the couch in plain sight.
If either his son or his wife wanted to find him, it wouldn�t he hard. He sat
on the couch in silence, wondering if either of them would come to find him.
Ian was the one who came out, his face shining from a
recent cleaning. "Mommy says I'm supposed to ask you to help me get
dressed."
Sands nodded and followed his son in silence. �What
do you want to wear?�
Ian pulled out jeans, something that resembled a
pajama top covered in cowboys hunting Indians, and a pair of galoshes.
A small smile made its way Sands� face despite
everything. �The jeans work, we�ll start with those.� He had Ian sit up on the
bed as he helped him into the small pair of jeans. �How about this shirt?� he
picked up a short sleeved red and blue striped shirt. �It�s a little warm for
your cowboy shirt,� he rationalised.
Ian looked at the shirt Sands had chosen and shook
his head. "Wanna match you."
�Alright,� Sands agreed softly, handing Ian a black
t-shirt and helping him pull it over his head. �Where are your tennis shoes?�
he asked more to himself than to Ian.
"Mommy puts them in the closet."
�Oh. That�s a good place for them, I suppose,� Sands
murmured as he moved to pull out Ian�s shoes. �Socks first,� he murmured,
helping Ian pull on a pair of plain white socks. He then managed to get both
shoes tied and on the proper feet before standing in front of his son. �Come
on. We need to brush our teeth.� He let Ian lead the way back to the bathroom
where he handed Ian his toothbrush and grabbed his own. Father and son stood
side by side in front of the mirror�though Ian had to stand on a stool�and
Sands couldn�t help but notice how much Ian really did look like him. Once they
were finished, Sands surreptitiously grabbed the pill bottle and shoved it into
his pocket, not wanting to have to deal with Ian�s questions about what they
were. He managed to drag a brush through Ian�s hair once before Ian squirmed
away and together they went to find Aida again.
Aida had somehow managed to sneak past them into her
bedroom. When she heard them coming down the hall, she promptly shoved
something in a dresser drawer and slammed it. Unfortunately, Sands could follow
her every move by the time she thought to hide whatever had been in her hand so
all she'd done was raise suspicions.
She�s hiding
things from me. The realisation was sharp and bright but he wasn�t
surprised. Why wouldn�t she hide things
from me? She has her own life now, has had one for years. I can�t expect to be
a part of all of it. The rationalisation sounded hollow even as he tried to
convince himself. �If you�re ready to go, we�re ready to go,� he said evenly,
pointedly ignoring what he had caught her doing. It doesn�t matter. Let her keep her secrets. Let her do whatever the
fuck she wants. I don�t care anymore. And he didn�t. Not now. It was too
hard to care about anything at the moment, even duplicitous wives.
"I'm...I'm not quite ready. Give me a
moment?" Aida retreated to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
Sands was sorely tempted to go and see for himself
whatever she was hiding from him, but he remained a fixed point across the
room, Ian standing beside him. �Go grab your swimming suit, alright?� he
directed towards his son. �Come and find me if you need help. I�ll be in here
with your mother.�
Aida took her time pulling her hair back into a loose
bun to keep it out of her face. She took even more time applying a light cover
of make-up. All she could think about was the little box she'd shoved in her
dresser drawer and how...impossible...it was going to be to actually give it to her husband. He didn't even
remember it was their anniversary!
Not that he
should. It's not as if we've ever been together for one thanks to me. And who
knows. Even if he remembered, maybe he wouldn't want to celebrate it.
Damn it. I�m
going to go look and that�s it. He cursed himself for his own weakness, but
Sands had to know what she took pains
to hide. He couldn�t stand not knowing. And if Aida came out and caught
him�well he�d deal with that. With a short nod in agreement he crossed the
short distance to the dresser drawer where he had seen Aida hide whatever she
had had in her hands. There. A box? Curious now, he reached in and pulled out a small
black jewellery box. A sudden irrational thought hit him that she had taken off
her wedding ring to be rid of it and for a moment he almost didn�t want to know
what was inside the plain black box. Curiosity got the better of him however
and he pried the small box open, not prepared for what he found inside. It was
a ring as he had feared, but it was far too large to be hers. It was a wedding
band. Mine? He simply stood and
stared at it, not noticing Aida coming back into the room behind him.
His body blocked whatever he was looking at, but Aida
felt as if she knew anyway. "Are you looking for something in
particular?"
He whirled at the sound of her voice and staggered a
little as the sudden movement upset his fragile sense of balance. Using the
dresser as a brace, he held up the now closed jewellery box. �I wanted to know
what you were hiding from me,� he said simply.
Has he looked
inside? "Nothing much."
Sands ignored her comment, knowing that if he dwelt
on it he would only start a fight. �What is this? And don�t just say a ring.
That�s not what I�m asking.�
Aida mumbled something that Sands couldn't make out.
�I didn�t hear you. Say again.�
"Today's our anniversary. I was going to
propose."
�Today�s our�you were�� he found he was unable to
form a coherent thought. �Damn it,� he whispered up to the ceiling. He had
forgotten their wedding anniversary�today�while she had remembered. �That�s
what Ian meant,� he whispered, cursing himself.
"Ian saw me trying on a dress. I told him I was
going to wear it for you but that he needed to keep it a secret."
�I�I�m�� He couldn�t say it. How could he possibly
say he was sorry? He had forgotten their wedding anniversary. The first they
had been able to celebrate and he had forgotten it. He simultaneously tilted
his head forward so his hair curtained his face and covered his eyes with a
single hand.
"You know, I'd hope you'd take it better than
this." Aida sat down on the bed. "I mean, sure, I wasn't at all
certain about how you'd react, and yes, I worried that perhaps you wanted to
ignore today all together, but I'd hoped -"
�I forgot, alright?� he said in a choked voice. �I
fucking forgot.� He laughed bitterly. �Probably the best day of my life and I
forgot all about it.�
Aida looked up at him. "Well, I knew that. That you'd forgotten. I
mean, I didn't make the past few anniversaries all that happy for you, and what
with everything that's been going on since you came back..." She shrugged.
"I'm not offended or mad that you forgot. Like I said, I expected that. I
was just worried that maybe you didn't want to remember. Though
that didn't keep me from making plans for tonight anyway."
Sands let his hand drop from his face and met her
gaze. �I did forget and for that I�m sorry. But I didn�t, I mean, I wouldn�t
have willingly ignored the fact. We may have had a few�difficulties�but that
doesn�t mean that I don�t love you. You�re my wife and this day is supposed to
be about that fact. I shouldn�t have forgotten. I�m sorry.� He sighed and
slumped a little where he stood before looking at her curiously. �What plans
did you make?�
"Dinner. That's it. But
Anne is willing to take Ian overnight, so we can do basically anything we want.
Even come home early and put Ian to bed." Aida was so relieved that he
wasn't upset that she came over to him and took the box out of his hand, then
opened it up. "I don't know why I never got around to getting you another
ring."
�It doesn�t matter,� he assured her with a small smile,
letting her slide the ring onto his finger. �I could theoretically wear it on
my left hand now if you wanted. Jeffrey and his ring are gone,� he whispered,
fingering his scarred left ring finger thoughtfully.
"Yes, but mine is still on my right," Aida
whispered.
�You could switch it. If you wanted,� he pointed out
before shaking his head. �It doesn�t matter really. The ring probably wouldn�t
fit over the scar anyway. Keep it on your right and I�ll do the same. It�s
better that way. Ours.�
"Mmm-hmm."
Aida shifted a bit closer. "There was something I wanted to say to you
this morning."
�Oh? What was it?� he asked softly.
"Happy anniversary, husband of
mine."
�Happy anniversary, wife mine,� Sands responded with
a small smile.
Just as Aida leaned in to kiss him, Ian reappeared in
the bedroom. "Are we going yet?"
Sands gave Aida an indulgent smile and turned to Ian.
�Are you all ready to go? Did you find your swimming suit?�
Ian held it up. "Can we go swimming now?"
Sands nodded. �Let�s go.� He didn�t bother grabbing
anything but his keys�which he immediately handed to Aida�and his wallet. �We
might have to make a quick stop to get some sunscreen though. Unless your
mother has some, that is.�
"What kind of mother would I be if I didn�t? It's
in our permanently packed swim bag."
Sands almost answered her before he realised that her
question was rhetorical. �Well then, I guess we�re set to go. Lead the way,
Ian.� He watched as Ian practically ran out of the room, took a moment to
steady himself and moved to follow.
***
"Sands?" Aida
appeared in the living room to find her husband staring off into space. She'd
booted him out of the bedroom so she could get ready in peace; now she was
ready to be admired.
Sands started at the sound of his name, turning
towards her. He seemed about to say something for she was met with a visage of
interrupted shock. �You look�you�re beautiful,� Sands whispered reverently,
rising to his feet in a need to be closer to her. She was a goddess in black
satin and he wanted nothing more than to gather her up into his arms and never
let her go. Her neck and shoulders practically begged to be kissed as they were
free of any covering and he very nearly moved to indulge this impulse before he
stopped himself. If he gave in now, they�d never get to dinner.
"I hoped you'd like it." Aida was well
aware that the pure blackness did wonderful things for her skin and the
brilliance of her hair. "Did you notice the necklace?"
�I love it,� he answered her before turning his
attention to the necklace. �I bought you that,� he whispered, moving to finger
the obsidian pendant before he could stop himself. He remembered giving it to
her now as he looked at it.
"I know. I've been saving it for a special
occasion."
He nodded and smiled then, a real smile which lit up
his entire face. �You look lovely, spitfire.� He stood back a little and openly
admired her. �I think I feel underdressed now,� he teased.
"No. I like you without a tie." He'd made
the most of their shopping excursion and wasn't exactly dressed casually in a
mint green dress shirt - bought specifically with her in mind - under a suit
coat of charcoal grey that matched his slacks, and shined to perfection
wingtips.
�You�ve no idea how glad I am to hear that,� he
murmured wryly. �I hate ties. I wear them as necessity, nothing more. But if
you think I pass muster then I say we go. I feel a little odd in that you�re
the one in black, but I think I�ll live.�
"I like color, you like black. Personally, I
think it's a great compromise."
He shrugged. �I suppose. Shall we, my lady? I�d offer
to lead the way but you haven�t yet told me where we�re going. You�re being
rather mysterious. I think I like it.�
"You haven't yet said if you want to do anything
but have dinner. I'm being mysterious just to be annoying." She grinned, then grabbed her purse. "Let's go."
***
But for the fact that Sands wished his glass of water
was a glass of red wine instead, dinner was going wonderfully. Aida had taken
him to a small but exquisite Italian restaurant that he hadn�t even known
existed. He leaned back in his chair and watched Aida as candlelight danced
across the contours of her face, giving her a kind of unearthly glow. She
looked beautiful. It wasn�t until he felt Aida�s hand on top of his that he
noticed she had been trying to get his attention. �Sorry. I was ensnared,� he
murmured with a smile. �Thank you for this, Aida.�
"I think we both needed some time alone with
each other. To celebrate. To get
back in touch. To..." She shrugged and shook her head, hoping he
knew what she meant.
He nodded. �I understand, Aida. And you�re right.� He
looked down at their joined hands on the table. Things still weren�t perfect
between them and perhaps they never fully would be, but this helped. �This helps,�
he voiced softly.
"Helps what?"
He shrugged, uncomfortable with the question. �Helps me. Helps us. It�helps me to
remember you. To love you.� He gave her an imploring
look to understand what he couldn�t entirely explain.
Aida pursed her lips and nodded. �Understandable, all things considered."
He didn�t like the way she said that and frowned. �Nevermind. I�m just thankful. Thank you, for today.�
"No." Aida squeezed his hand. "I do
understand. And I don't mind. I mean, this is our anniversary." Getting up
from her seat, Aida came around the table to kneel in front of Sands. "You
see, you messed me up by finding the ring."
�What are you doing, Aida?� he asked warily, glancing
around the restaurant to find not a few eyes on the two of them.
"I told you. I had planned on proposing. Now,
don't interrupt me."
He shook his head with a small laugh and propped his
chin up in his hands to watch her intently. �Well go on. I�m waiting.�
"Good." Aida took a deep breath then met
Sands' eyes with all seriousness.
"Sheldon...Jeffrey...Sands," she said, hiding her amusement at
his grimace of distaste of her use of his full name. "I love you. I know
that I made a very, very big mistake. And I know that you are willing to work
through all the hurt and distrust that caused along side me. And I am honored.
I am humbled. Two years ago I thought there was nothing I could do to make my
life worse than it already was; that I was at the bottom of a very deep pit and
that there couldn't possibly be anywhere else to go but up. And I was wrong. So very wrong. Life without you was a million times worse
than life with you could ever be. I didn't dream that you would give me a
second chance, but you have. And I promise to you right now that I will love,
honor, and cherish you for the rest of my life. I will make your interests my
own. I will stand by your side. I will love and care for your son, and any
other children you ever care to have. I will be a devoted wife, mother, and
lover. I want to be these things. I want to make my life with you again no
matter the work we have to put into it." She touched a gentle finger to
his ring. "This was the part where I was going to give you the ring, but
we've taken care of that already."
�Get up, Aida,� he whispered his voice hoarse with
emotion. He didn�t want to see her kneeling before him after that. �I don�t�you
don�t owe me anything. You don�t have to say such things. How could I not give
you another chance? You are my wife. My life. Without you I�m but half a man. You have all the love
I can give. You never lost it. You did�what you thought you had to do. I
understand that now. I�m sorry for putting you in the position,� he said
softly.
Aida stood, pulling him to his feet as she did so.
There was a small patio and garden behind the restaurant and she took him out
there.
"If I have nothing to be sorry for, then neither
do you. It's all in the past now. In
another country. Another time. Left with other people. We've both changed. You've made a
conscious decision to change. It's time to let go of the past."
He knew that would be easier said than done. �I�ll
try,� he whispered.
"Good." Unable to resist any longer, Aida
wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.
He sighed against her lips, giving himself over to
the kiss for a long while before straightening. �Let me go settle the check and
we can leave,� he whispered, inclining his head toward hers.
"Is that what you want to do?" Aida asked
softly. "We can always hire the violinist and dance for awhile."
He shook his head. �No, I want to leave but I don�t
want to go back just yet. How about we take a walk? It�s warm out and clear. I
just�I wanted to walk under the stars for awhile with you.� It sounded sappy
and he knew it, but it was the truth.
"Alright."
Sands nodded and took her by the hand to return to
the table. Once he had paid the bill he led her out through the patio and into
the night.
�Maybe we could find a park or something to sit in,�
he offered softly, not wanting to spoil the silence that surrounded them. He
didn�t particularly feel like sitting down as he was currently riding a wave or
restlessness, but he figured it had to end sooner or later and then he�d feel
tired and dizzy again. He felt it best to be sitting when that happened.
"I'm sure we can find a nicely lit park. It
might be a little dangerous otherwise."
He frowned to himself at those words, somehow
depressed and irritated that he could no longer effectively protect her. He
wasn�t even armed, for fuck�s sake. �That sounds fine.�
"Besides, I can't see your handsome face in the
dark."
�I suppose,� he said softly, forcing a smile for her
sake.
"You suppose I can't see in the dark, or you
suppose you're handsome? Because I can reassure you on both
points."
�Feel free to do so if you wish,� he offered
graciously with a small bow of his head. �Although hearing
how you find me handsome would probably be the preferable choice.�
"I'm sure." Aida grinned saucily at him.
�I like that grin, but I�m waiting for you to go at
length about how handsome I am,� he reminded her wryly.
"Irresistibly."
�Oh really?�
"Absolutely."
�Well I suppose that�s something.�
"It's everything at times." Aida winked.
�Yes. It is.� Sands tried to keep up with the light
banter she had initiated, but truthfully he wasn�t up to it. Instead he
tightened his arm around her waist and kept walking, ever on the lookout for a
park that would suit his purposes. He thought he spotted one in the far
distance up ahead, but he wouldn�t know for sure until they walked a little
further.
Aida sensed his need for a bit of quiet, so she
simply let her head rest against his shoulder as they strolled. It was a
beautiful night with barely a cloud in the sky. True, it was a bit chilly, but
as long as Sands stayed close, Aida didn't think that would be a problem.
�Is this alright?� he asked after a long while as
they came upon what looked like a small park. He certainly saw a few open
grassy areas and benches but as he couldn�t see any clear signs he had to
guess. It wasn�t quite lit up like a car lot, but it wasn�t a shady den of
crime either so he figured it would suit Aida�s requirements.
"This looks delightful," she murmured.
�Good,� he said with a nod, leading her to the
nearest bench and offering her a seat. �Then let�s just sit here for awhile.�
He was pleased to feel her snuggle against him and brought his hand around her
shoulders to play with her hair. �Are you cold? You can have my jacket if you
are. I should have offered earlier.�
"Are you still going to hold me if I accept your
jacket?"
�Why wouldn�t I?�
"Can't think of a reason.
Just double checking."
�Oh. Alright,� he murmured, sitting up straight so he
could shrug out of his jacket. He handed it to her and pulled her close once
she had spread it over her shoulders like a blanket. �I love you, wife,� he
whispered.
"I love you too."
�Did you�� he frowned at what he had been about to
ask. He had suddenly wanted to know if she had celebrated their last two
anniversaries. Now he wasn�t so sure he wanted to know.
"Mmm?" Aida tilted her head up so she could see his
face.
�It doesn�t matter, love. Don�t worry about it,� he
assured her gently.
"Okay." She settled her head again.
Sands sat for an immeasurable amount of time just
stroking her hair gently and taking comfort in her presence as she did the
same. �Do you think it�s too late to change?� he asked softly.
"To change what?"
�Everything. Anything. Us. Me.�
"So many choices," Aida murmured before
saying more seriously, "No. I don't think it's too late."
�How do you know?�
"I think that as long as change is wanted, as
long as it is worked for, that it's possible."
Sands was silent for a long
moment as he seemed to be considering this. �Alright,� he said at last,
accepting her belief. It wasn�t quite his own, but he would accept it none the
less. He would trust that she believed what she was saying. That was more than
he could say for himself.
After a few minutes had passed in silence, Aida
murmured, "Life is change. Seasons change. Things age.
There's death and birth, night and day. Growth and
decline." She sighed. "Change happens whether we want it or
not, whether we notice it or not. But at least we can make a decision to
influence change to our benefit."
�I understand,� he said at last. He had�not for the
first time�wondered if taking the accursed pills would really affect anything.
Would they really change him? Or would everything go back to the way it had
been if he stopped taking them? He sat and considered his own wants and desires.
Did he still want to kill? After a moment he realised that yes, he still did.
The urge to take life hadn�t gone away. And yet, it wasn�t necessary. He didn�t
have to kill; he simply felt that he
could. He didn�t have the will to seek someone out and take their life. That
was change. It wasn�t much, but it was something. Change was also silence. He
had finally stopped searching for his lost voices. They were gone and he was
free. Free to change. �I do understand,� he said again.
"Then again, there are some things that don't
change." Shifting slightly, Aida pressed a kiss into Sands' jaw.
He knew what she meant but he couldn�t help but apply
her words to his earlier thoughts. There were parts of him that would not ever
change, and not good parts. �Indeed not,� he said after a moment, pushing his
thoughts to the present and to her. �I love you, wife. Always.�
She kissed him again, trying to show him how sweet
love could be.
Sands turned and caught her lips in his before she
could pull away again. The kiss started out soft and sweet, but he quickly
turned it passionate and desperate, as if he were trying to prove something
through the kiss alone.
Aida pulled away, searching his eyes for a long
moment. There was...uncertainty there. Questions as important as life itself
lined with fear.
"You're you," she whispered, knowing she
needed to say something. "You're you, and I'm me, and this is how it will
always be between us. Sweet, and gentle, and demanding, and
consuming in turns. But always loving."
�And if I never really change? Will you accept that?�
he asked, looking away from her as he asked. �If I tell you that the drugs
aren�t a panacea but a temporary solution at best, what then? Will you still
think me capable of change when I say that I still desire to hurt, to destroy,
to kill? The voices may be gone but I remain, as I always was; the killer.� Why
was he saying such things? Why couldn�t he just sit here with her in silence?
Why couldn�t he simply accept her love? Why did he have to question everything? He hated it, hated that he
couldn�t stop his own self-doubt.
"Temptation isn't a sin," Aida whispered. "If
desire is all you feel, that can be resisted."
He laughed bitterly at that. �It�s not temptation.
Are you tempted to kill? I don�t think so. What I feel is myself straining to
be normal again.� He spat out the words as if they were poison in his mouth.
"What is normal?" Aida asked rhetorically. "In
time, this life will be 'normal.' You just have to give it a chance."
�My life will never be normal,� he said with
conviction.
"It won't? Sands, look at your life. You've quieted the
constant debate going on in your head. You're out for a date with your wife on
your anniversary. And back at home, there's a little boy who will spend
tomorrow morning in your arms. What more do you want? A dog?
A minivan? A white picket
fence?"
�Normalcy dependant on drugs isn�t normalcy at all,�
he murmured, though he sounded less sure of himself than before.
"What about love? Is blind love valid? Can you
trust the love of someone who knows absolutely nothing about your past?"
�No,� he said softly.
"What about Ian?"
�He�s innocent. He can�t help but love.�
"But is it real?"
�I�� he thought it was, but he was suddenly unsure.
Did Ian really love him? Or did he just say he did because he didn�t know any
better? He didn�t know.
"Let me answer that. Of course it is. You're his father. That's all he needs to know. So,
on the basis of that conclusion, then I say even drug induced normalcy is
perfectly valid."
He didn�t want to argue anymore so he conceded the
point. He would adapt to this. He didn�t have any other choice. If he stopped
taking the pills then Jeffrey would return and kill her and Ian for the
offense. He would suffer being medicated to the gills and drooling before he
let that happen. �Let�s go home, Aida. It�s late.�
It wasn't as late as they'd used to stay up, but even
Aida would admit that a full day with Ian was enough to make ten o'clock a late
hour.
He saw her slightly puzzled look and shrugged
uncomfortably. �Not that I�m tired.�
"Ah...I see. You're just trying to wheedle your
way into my bed."
�Who says I need to wheedle?�
"But you're so cute when you do."
He quirked an eyebrow at that.
�Cute?�
"Adorable."
�I think I liked cute better,� he said with a
grimace. �I am not warm and fuzzy.�
"You are when you haven't shaved in
awhile."
�Har, har,�
he said dryly, rising from the bench and offering her his hand.
"Why yes, I'd love to dance," Aida teased,
taking his hand.
�There isn�t any music,� he pointed out though he did
pull her into position, holding their hands out and placing his left hand on
her waist as she placed hers on his shoulder.
"We'll make some later."
�Oh? That sounds promising,� he said with a smile,
spinning her in a slow waltz along the path despite the obvious lack of music.
"Well, it is our anniversary." She grinned
as she expertly followed his lead.
�And like a typical idiot husband, I forgot. I�m
sorry, Aida,� he said again, continuing to waltz down the path the way they had
come. �I�ll make it up to you.�
"Oh? That sounds promising." Aida grinned.
�Well, it is our anniversary,� he parroted with a
wink before coming to a stop and taking a step back from her to affect a deep
courtly bow. �Shall I escort you home, milady?�
"Only if we get to dance some more later."
�Of course. To real music
even. You have my word.� He offered her his arm.
"Then yes, you may accompany me home."
�That was your only stipulation? A little dancing and
I get to come home with you?� he asked wryly as they set off back to the
restaurant to where they had left the car.
"I like to dance."
�So it would seem. We�ll dance the night away if
that�s what you want, Aida.�
"That sounds wonderful. Even
if you're talking about dancing instead of dancing."
�Oh I�m a lover of all kinds of dance. From the waltz
to the horizontal mambo and everything in between,� he said with a smirk.
"Well, you know what they say. It takes two to
tango."
�That it does, wife. And I�ll be more than happy to
tango with you before the night is through.�
"So, since I've just discovered your...appreciation...for dance, does that mean you'll do a
little dance for me?" Aida hoped it was dark enough to hide the full
strength of her mischievous grin.
�That depends, wife mine.�
"On...?"
�On how appreciative you�ll be afterwards.�
"Very appreciative."
�How appreciative?� he pressed.
"I'm not going to roll over and go to sleep, if
that's what you're asking." They stopped in front of their car.
�You�d better not,� he warned with a mild glare as he
walked over to the passenger side. It was odd to have her drive him everywhere,
but he didn�t trust his reactions under medication. Perhaps in a while when he
became more aware of how it affected him he�d take up driving. He did miss it.
He missed his cars. The thought alone was enough to depress him and he sighed.
"There's no reason to get down about it, unless
you're a horrible dancer or something, which I know you're not," Aida said
as she unlocked the car doors.
�What? Oh it�s not that,� he said with a small smile
of reassurance. �I�d better be a good dancer. I certainly took enough lessons,�
he muttered.
"At least you didn't have to wear pink leotards
for yours."
He raised an eyebrow at the image that presented. �Pink leotards?�
"I took ballet lessons at the local YMCA.
�Oh I figured that part out. The point I was caught
up on was the pink leotard bit.�
"It's the standard uniform for young
ballerinas."
�Now there�s something I�d like to see,� he mused practically
to himself.
"Good luck with that," Aida muttered,
putting the car into gear and pulling into traffic.
�Oh? What would it take to see you in your pretty
pink ballerina costume, Aida?� he asked, clearly in the mood to tease.
"For me to be about 25 years
younger?"
�Come now,� he chided good-naturedly.
"No, seriously. That's what it would take. Don't tell me you have fantasies about
debauching young ballet dancers."
�Well�no, not really. Just you. If you happened to be in a ballerina costume I�d
consider that a bonus.�
"Adult ballerina costume,
fine. But no pink leotards."
�A compromise, eh? I suppose I can live with that,�
he said with a grin.
Aida just shook her head. "We're nearly home. Are
we going to get Ian or let him spend the night with Anne?"
�A night away from home won�t hurt him,� he
rationalised. �He�s probably already asleep anyway. It would be a shame to wake
him. He�ll see us in the morning.�
"Alright."
�I just want a night alone with my wife. Call me
selfish if you like, I don�t mind.�
"Why would I call you selfish when the point of
letting Ian stay with Anne was so we could have a night alone?"
He shrugged and looked up to see that they were home.
�Lead the way, spitfire,� he murmured once they had exited the car, climbed the
stairs and entered the apartment. �Actually, forget that. I�m the one who�s
supposed to lead.� He walked casually over to the stereo and scanned the
stations until he found one he liked. �May I have this dance, Aida?�
"Of course." Aida
was more than willing to be in her husband's arms again.
He nodded in response and led her around the small
room with ease, unconsciously avoiding all obstacles in his way as if he danced
in a huge ballroom rather than her apartment. He wouldn�t be able to dance forever,
he was still cursed with a fair amount of dizziness from the Haldol, but he would sweep her across the floor for as long
as he could manage. He liked having her in his arms too.
"I love dancing with you," Aida murmured. "It
just feels right."
�I suppose that�s good,� he said with a small smile.
�Should I tread on your feet to spice things up a little?�
"If you want to stop dancing, go right
ahead."
�Hm, perhaps later then,�
he said wryly. �It�s probably for the best that I don�t. I�d probably manage to
trip myself in the attempt.�
"Already making excuses in case you should just happen to topple on top of me?"
He put on an innocent look but he couldn�t manage it
for long. The hand at her waist lowered to cup the curve of her ass and he
brought their lower bodies into closer contact yet didn�t stop dancing. �Just covering all the bases.�
"Which base is this? Second?" Despite the
air of criticism in her voice, Aida's eyes twinkled with humor and she did
absolutely nothing to move his hand.
He just sent her a wicked grin and kept dancing.
"So, does that make you a pitcher and me a
catcher?"
He snorted at her imagery but didn�t otherwise
comment.
Aida didn't bother following through on the metaphor.
It was enough that she'd put it into his head.
While he never stopped dancing, he did move in to
kiss the side of her neck. A single kiss, nothing more,
nothing less. He would keep dancing for as long as she wanted him to,
but he wouldn�t be adverse to a different kind of dancing.
"That's nice," she murmured in his ear.
�Oh? Should I do it again, then?� he whispered back,
worrying her earlobe between his teeth before waiting for her reply.
"Sorry. You distracted me. Repeat the
question?"
He grinned around her lobe but didn�t answer. He simply
repeated the gesture, managing to bring their bodies even closer while still
keeping up with the dance. He suddenly had a goal for her to fall limp in his
arms while he kept on dancing and he was determined to meet it.
"Yeah, that's..." Aida had to take a deep
breath. "That's nice."
�And this?� His left hand
began kneading the flesh of her lower back and waist while the fingers of his
right hand began to loosely caress the pulse point in her wrist. His mouth
moved back to her neck and he made a point of breathing heavily on it a few
times to reinforce his presence there.
"Very nice," she practically squeaked.
He turned on the impromptu dance floor then in a
tight twirl, dizzying them both and sending their heart rates soaring. He was
fully determined to take advantage of her bewildered state as he moved in to
kiss her senseless though his lips never touched her own. He kissed her ears,
her neck, her cheeks, everything but her lips.
"Just...just what are you...trying to
accomplish...Mr. Sands?" Aida asked breathlessly as she clung to him to
keep her balance.
�I�ll let you know when I�ve accomplished it, Mrs.
Sands,� he responded cheekily, smirking even as he kissed her. He could feel
her strength waning as she clung to him but he just wanted to push her a little
more�
Aida captured his lips with hers before he had a
chance to tease her any longer. She wanted contact.
She wanted to devour him whole and feel him do the same to her.
Sands was pleased with her
reaction but unsure he wanted the game to end just yet. He attempted to pull
away but was met with resistance. It seemed his wife was done playing.
Come dance for me," Aida whispered before nipping
at her husband's lips. "Come dance for me and I'll show you what's under the dress."
�Is that a promise?� he drawled darkly.
"Cross my heart." She thrust her breasts
against his chest.
He grinned at her gesture. �A deal
then. Lead the way my very dangerous sexual predator.�
"As you wish." With
one last biting kiss for good measure, Aida turned down the hallway, pulling
Sands after her.
Sands let himself be led
with an indulgent smile, quirking an eyebrow as she plopped down on the bed and
looked at him expectantly. �You want me to continue the dance without you, is
that it?� he asked with a wicked grin.
Aida toyed with the tie of her halter top as she
reclined on her side, one arm draped down the length of her body. "I
suppose that depends on how you want me
to continue."
Sands stood back a moment and pretended to consider
it. �That dress is hardly sleepwear. It�s going to have to go.�
"The same could be said for you."
�Oh? I didn�t realise I was wearing a dress. My
mistake,� he said with a smirk.
"Haha."
The hand that was resting on her thigh started to slowly gather the material of
her dress, showing off increasingly longer lengths of leg.
�If you�re trying to tempt me into removing the dress
for you, you�re doing a good job,� he breathed, taking a step closer to her,
his eyes fixed upon her hands as they raised her dress.
She grinned devilishly and stopped. "You first. I believe I'm still waiting to be
entertained."
�Oh?� he stepped closer to her and unbuttoned the
buttons at his sleeves before undoing a single button at his throat, enjoying
the way her eyes fixed on the gesture as he had been watching her earlier. He
smoothed his fingers over the small v of bare flesh the unbuttoning had
created, smirking as her eyes followed the movement. �Is this what you want?�
"Dancing was also promised, was it not?" She
raised her hem another half inch.
�You are correct, my lady. I did promise.� After
another deep courtly bow for the evening, he began a slow dance designed to
seduce as his hands continued to slowly unbutton his shirt. From the way her
eyes were fixed on the movement of his hips rather than his shirt, it was clear
he was meeting his promise.
Aida felt her mouth go dry as she watched Sands'
oh-so-casual seduction. He was still an incredibly attractive man despite his
time in prison. And he was growing more attractive by the moment as clouds
blocked much of the moonlight that had been illuminating him, dressing him in
darkness even as he stripped for her. What with the dark shadow of facial hair
just under his skin and his arousal-blackened eyes...
�You want me,� he announced silkily, hearing her
quick intake of breath as he let his now unbuttoned shirt fall to the ground
unhindered. A single long-fingered hand pressed against his chest downward,
following the path of fine hair along his belly to the waist of his pants. He
hesitated there for a moment, toying with the buttons before smirking wickedly
and kicking off his shoes instead.
"I do," she murmured, her voice deepened by
longing. "But from the view you're giving me, I think the feeling is
reciprocated."
�Clearly,� he whispered, bring his hands back up and
over his obvious arousal, letting out a short hiss of pleasure despite himself.
The dance continued, and he somehow managed to remove his pants without
tripping over his own feet. He then stood before her clad in nothing but a pair
of black silk boxers, his obvious arousal clearly apparent.
"I suppose this means it's my turn?"
�Given my current state of undress I would say yes,
spitfire.�
"I've missed hearing you call me that."
Then, before he could reply, Aida tugged apart the knot holding her dress up
and rose to her feet.
The slinky material of her dress slipped down the
length of her body, revealing what was underneath: a skin-tight minidress of black lace. Sheer black stockings edged with
black lace. Her black heels. Her
obsidian pendant. Her fiery hair still piled haphazardly on top of her
head.
�Exquisite,� he breathed, drinking in the combination
of ebony, ivory and fire she presented. She was a vision and he wanted nothing
more than to take her right now. His cock throbbed at the mere thought of it.
He absentmindedly inched a hand across his hip to accommodate himself before he
stopped and frowned at the reaction. Clearly, he needed to take a step back and
regain some control before he made a fool of himself.
"I had a horrible time getting myself into this
thing," Aida said matter-of-factly as she ran her palms down her ribcage
to her hips. "I don't think you'll be able to get it off without ripping
it." The lazy grin on her face was a bit evil, and informed Sands that
she'd had that in mind from the beginning.
�Pity,� he drawled, not sounding sorry at all. Since
his boxers were now more annoyance than covering, he pulled them off without a
second thought.
Aida slowly strolled forward, her hips deliberately
rolling with each step. She kept eye contact with him until she was about two
feet away, then she stopped, and let her eyes roam over him.
Sands stood perfectly still under her gaze, placing
his hands loosely at his hips in effect framing his arousal which stood at
attention under her languid gaze. He didn�t have to ask if she liked what she
saw. It was clear that she did. After a few minutes he decided she had looked
long enough and crossed the distance to meet her. She had only a moment to
register the mischief in his dark eyes before he pushed her down on the bed and
set to work in removing her heels and stockings.
She stilled the protest that the heels and stockings
were part of the attraction and simply let Sands touch her since that was what
she wanted in the long run anyway. And his hands did feel so good...
�I do like the like the stockings, don�t get me
wrong. I�d just rather see you clothed in nothing but your pendant more.� With
a grin his dark head lowered between her thighs and she felt his teeth on her
thigh as he took hold of the top of her stocking and pulled down, his hands
never once coming into play.
Aida ignored him, thrusting her hips downward
instead. She knew that he wouldn't give her the pleasure she sought so easily,
but there was no point in hiding her arousal.
Once he had gotten both of her stockings down he
moved his head back up her legs, his tongue darting out to taste her as he
moved. He could practically taste her desire seeping out through her skin�he
could certainly smell it�and he grinned.
Reaching down, Aida grabbed Sands' head, practically
slamming their foreheads against each other as she sought his lips with her
own.
Sands quelled his initial grunt of surprise and set
to work kissing her back, acutely aware of just how close their lower bodies
were now. Aida then bit at his lower lip and his attention was swiftly returned
to the kiss.
Aida wrapped her legs around Sands' hips, trapping
his arousal against the slightly rough fabric. Then she started to sensually
writhe, just waiting for his reaction.
Sands forcibly broke away from the kiss to let out a
ragged gasp before turning a glare upon her. �That wasn�t nice, my naughty
little spitfire,� he breathed. He didn�t sound quite as upset as the glare led
her to believe, however. �Such actions won�t go unpunished.� He moved his hands
between them to her chest, fingering her peaked nipples through the rough lace
of her dress.
She gasped and arched into his touch. Whether Sands had
liked her little maneuver or not, she liked how he avenged himself.
Sands smirked at her reaction before stopping
suddenly and moving as far away as he could manage so that he could take a look
at her. His breath was definitely coming in something quicker than his usual
cadence as he stared down at her.
For a brief moment Aida had to fight the urge to
follow him. Then she embraced her momentary freedom and stretched languidly,
making her movements as liquid as she could. If he wanted to watch her, why not
give him a show?
He smiled at her display, tracing a hand over her
lace-clad form as she stretched in a propriety gesture. �My wife,� he
whispered. �My Aida.�
"Your wife. Your Aida," she whispered back.
�I love you, Aida,� he said with a smile although
there was a gleam of wickedness in his eye now.
"I love you too."
�Good. Then you won�t mind when I do this.� He
reached down and took her minidress firmly in hand
and ripped it apart, grinning wildly at the sound it made as it tore. It was a
shame to ruin it, for it had been lovely on her, but it would have been an even
greater shame to leave her covered up like that.
Aida let out a small peal of screaming laughter in
surprise at his sudden action, but she did nothing to protect. The entire
reason behind buying this was to have some fun with Sands, and this was
definitely fun.
�Now that that�s out of the way,� he murmured,
tossing the torn scraps of lace to the floor with the rest of their combined
clothes. �You look beautiful, Aida. Just like this.� He openly raked his gaze
across her body and Aida could see for herself the reaction it had on him.
"I'm glad you think so," she said softly.
�I�m at a loss,� he whispered. �On the one hand I
want nothing more than to fuck the both of us senseless, and on the other I�d
love to just lay back and watch you breathe,� he said wryly.
"I'd be up for a cross between the two."
�Oh? Tell me, Aida. Is that all you�d be up for? This
is your night as well as mine. I�ve told you what I want. What do you want?�
"All I want to do is spend time alone with my
husband," she murmured in reply. "Nothing more.
Whatever form that takes."
�Is that all?� he pressed.
"Yes," she answered, looking a bit
confused.
�It�s nothing. I just�it�s not every day that you
celebrate your wedding anniversary. I just wanted to be sure that there was
nothing more you wanted that I could do for you.�
"You can stop worrying." She smiled softly. "You can come back
down here."
�I can, can I?� he mused as he brought there bodies
in close proximity once more with a tightening of his jaw at the sensations
that brought. �I�m thinking I�ll fuck you into oblivion first and then watch
you second. Sound ok to you?� he breathed, pleased with how casual he sounded.
"Well, I'd like a bit of slow lovemaking before
we get to the fucking part, but otherwise...."
�I can do that,� he assured her with an easy nod
before leaning down to kiss her.
"Mmm...like that," Aida murmured as she coiled her arms around
him.
�Like this?� he asked, trailing kisses down her neck
and shoulder.
"I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what I
like and what I don't." From the way her body was arching into his, he had
to be able to figure that out on his own.
That wasn�t quite what he meant, but he let it slide.
There were far more important things to worry about. Like the warm naked body
beneath him for instance� He began kissing her with abandon, stopping at all
the places he had memorized as something akin to buttons for her arousal. A
pressing kiss there, a lingering touch there and she would practically be
clawing at him to take her. He didn�t mind. He would give her whatever she
wanted but not without a modicum of teasing first.
"Sands...Sands, slow down." Aida wanted
this to last awhile. She wanted to do the same to Sands before they gave in to
the inevitable.
�Sorry,� he said with a smile that wasn�t quite sorry
at all. �I�ll be good.�
Aida laughed. "And I'm a cold fish. It's my turn
now."
�You don�t feel like a cold fish,� he smirked, his
fingers dancing over her heated skin. �But if you want your turn, who am I to
deny you?�
"You can't. That's why we're both naked right
now."
�You may have a point there, spitfire,� he said
wryly.
"You've got a bigger one." Both tone and
reply were evil. "Lay down, please."
�Very funny,� he drawled, but did as she asked,
liking her tone very much. �Your wish is my command, milady.�
"I wish," she teased before placing her
hands along the sides of his face.
Aida explored her husband by touch, her eyes half
closed in the dark room. It was...stimulating...to both feel and hear his
breath hitch or speed up as she found sensitive spots. She made no effort to
tickle him. That wasn't the mood they were both bound by.
Lower and slower her hands went, making the most of
the time she'd been granted. Sands was not a patient man, and eventually he'd grow
impatient and put an end to her fun. Especially now that she
was growing closer to his arousal.
Sands growled softly as her hands ghosted over him,
but did not press her. Yet. His limited patience
wasn�t completely gone, but he was definitely nearing a threshold. �Touch all
you like, my beautiful spitfire. Make the most of the time I�m giving you,� he
said softly, giving her a pointed look though it didn�t carry as much weight as
it might have had his eyes not been glazed with desire and his pale skin
flushed and sweaty.
"Grab the headboard," she demanded softly
as she nibbled at the hollow of his throat.
He quirked a dark eyebrow in her direction, but
spread his arms upwards to grab ahold of the headboard. How long he kept them
there depended on what she planned to do to him now that his hands were out of
reach, so to speak. �Proceed,� he said with a grin, his head pressing into the
bed as he bared his throat to her in a conscious gesture of submission.
"My pleasure," she drawled once she was
sure he was going to behave for at least a little bit. Then she replaced her
lips on his navel and started kissing, and sucking, and licking her way down
his spread-out-for-her-delectation body.
�My
pleasure,� he breathed in return, a smile taking ahold of his lips. Her mouth
was fire across his skin and he knew he would be happily consumed before he
ever asked her to stop. His knuckles cracked loudly as he gripped the
headboard, his neck aching as he held his head up to watch what she was doing.
He vaguely wished that there was a mirror on the ceiling so he could simply
look up and watch. Maybe he�d talk to her about it later� �Spitfire,� he gasped
with a grin. He didn�t particularly have anything to say to her, it just felt right
to speak her name just then.
"Yes?" she asked lazily as she lavished her
attention on one hip. "Is there
something I can do for you?"
�Stop teasing me,� he said overly sweetly, though he
bucked upwards gently, bouncing off her nose in the process.
"You're welcome to make me," she breathed
hotly, making sure the warmth of her breath brushed past his obvious arousal.
�Is that a challenge?� he asked, his voice eerily
calm for how it had sounded a moment ago. If he was affected by her action�and
clearly he had to be�it didn�t show in his voice.
"More an invitation." Aida reached out and started to make small
crescent-shaped motions against the base of his erection.
�Just wanted to be sure,� he said in that same
too-calm voice. He let her play for perhaps half a minute longer before his
hands came free of the headboard and struck out to her shoulders, taking ahold
of her tightly and pulling her forward so that her lips met his and her legs
were wrapped around his waist. It wasn�t quite as close as he wanted it to
be�his arousal was trapped, throbbing and thick between their bodies�but that
could be rectified. �Now, are you going to play nice?� he asked, biting at her
lower lip as he did so.
"Never," she declared.
He grinned. Apparently, that was what he wanted to
hear. �I didn�t think so, my sweet. You would never play nice because you�re a
bad girl,� he bit at her neck this time before pulling away to look at her.
�And you know what happens to bad girls. They get punished.�
"Only if they can be
subdued." Her nails dug into his shoulders and slowly dragged down
his back. It hurt, but she hadn't broken the surface.
Sands bit his lip to keep a gasp from escaping him.
�Ah it seems that my little lioness needs her claws clipped,� he mused with a
wicked grin. He reached out quickly and took ahold of one of her hands by the
wrist and pinned it against her back, her elbow jutting out awkwardly from her
naked side. He left her other arm free. It wouldn�t do to end their games so
soon, but he wasn�t about to let her win every round either.
"What will your
handicap be then? Wait, I know." With her free hand, Aida covered Sands'
eyes.
�I don�t need eyes with which to see you,� he
whispered, his own free hand moving over her body. His fingers were clumsy at
first, but then moved with increasing confidence. �I know the map of your skin
as if it were my own. I don�t need to see what I�ve already memorized time and
time again. I know what�s mine.� His fingers found her breast, and he deftly
began to knead it, thumbing her nipple until it was peaked and hard beneath his
palm. �And you�re mine.�
Aida didn't reply. She was too busy panting heavily
into his ear.
�You�re mine,� he hissed again, insistent now as his
hand moved downward away from her breast between their bodies to find the
source of her desire. �I take care of what�s mine.� His fingers moved down his
aching cock but he didn�t take time to acknowledge his own need. No, his hand
moved onward, his fingers entwining with her arousal-slicked curls, occasionally
passing over her swollen clit. �Say it,� he growled. �You�re mine.�
She shook her head even though her pants and turned
to small whimpers and her body was trembling with need.
His hand slowed on her then, the tips of his fingers
barely touching her as he felt her pulse thrum in that marvelous bundle of
nerves. A single finger moved down to embrace her wet heat before he brought it
up to place upon her clit, manipulating it slowly with her own wetness. His
other hand tightened on her wrist as he pulled her closer. The feeling of her
fevered skin against the ridge of his cock was excruciating in its pleasure,
but he did his best to ignore it. He wouldn�t, couldn�t give in until she did. �Say it.�
"No," she whimpered even as her body
betrayed her, her hips thrusting towards that single obliging finger.
�Yes,� he insisted, his hand moving up just out of
reach, his fingers lazily toying with her wiry curls. �You�re mine,� he
whispered in the direction he knew her ear to be. Despite everything else, she
was keeping a firm hand across his eyes. �Say it and I�ll give you what you
want.�
"I'm my own," she whispered in desperation.
This was something she'd thought long and hard about in the years she'd been
alone. Before she'd sunk so much of herself into Sands... It hadn't precisely
been a mistake, but it hadn't been her finest moment either. "I'm my own,
but being myself, I can do nothing but share all of me with you."
�No,� he said evenly, dragging a fingernail across
her clit and smiling to himself as he heard�and felt�her reaction. There would be no sharing. She was his. He couldn�t begin to consider
otherwise.
"Yes." The desperation - both physical and
emotional - were stronger now.
�No. Say it,�
he insisted, yelling through a whisper. He was beyond reason. What had been a
playful need for him to admit that they were bound together had turned into
something ugly and possessive. And what was more, he couldn�t stop it. She was
his. If she had forgotten, he would make her remember.
"I won't!" She tore herself away. "I
won't turn myself into someone you can love!" Not like she had before,
when she'd given up her home, and her job, and her friends for him. When she'd lived by
subverting her own needs, and desires, and even her morals to make their live
together more comfortable for him. And the thought that he wouldn't
accept anything less made her panic. "You have to accept me as I am! Because there isn't anything else to me!"
�I do
accept you as you are,� he hissed, his eyes meeting hers as her hand had been
pulled away. �Mine.� He moved to pin her to the bed while he had the
opportunity. The bitch needed to know her place. It was clear she had
forgotten. �Say it,� he growled. �I�ll not ask again.�
"Stop it, Sands." Aida felt her panic turning
into full-blown terror. "You're hurting me."
�I warned you,� he hissed, pressing down even harder
despite her plea. He hardly heard it and didn�t bother to acknowledge it.
Suddenly however, he let go and Aida might have hoped that he was stopping had
it not been for the cold look in his eyes. His hand found its way to her throat
and squeezed. Not enough to strangle her, but enough to send her into a panic.
�You need to be reminded of where you belong. It seems you�ve forgotten. You�ll
not forget again when I�m done with you.�
"Sands..." she gasped,
unable to do anything more. The evening had gone so well... "Don't
do this. Please."
He slapped her hard across the face then moved his
fingers over the mark he had left as if to soothe her. �Don�t speak, my love.
Not until you�re told. Those who speak out of turn get punished. Those who
don�t do what they�re told get punished. You�re going to be punished, that
can�t be helped. But I hope you�ll learn from your mistakes. I do love you, but
you need to know that you�re mine. You�ll always be mine. It�s my own fault,
really. I should have realised that you�d forgotten while I was away. I should
have done this earlier. If I had, you wouldn�t have to go through this now.� He
sighed. �Oh well. It can�t be helped now.�
Aida tried to turn her face away from him, appalled
at his actions, but the hand that had been falsely soothing - that had made her
think that perhaps this was just a bedroom game gone too far - grabbed her chin
hard enough to make her cry out in pain.
�You�re mine, Aida. My lover, my
wife. Do you understand?� he gritted out between clenched teeth, all
remorse and sorrow for what he had claimed to have done earlier gone. �You�ll
do as I say for you are mine. You�ll do as I want, for you are mine. You used to
know this; used to accept it. This won�t stop until you�ve accepted it again.�
His fingers tightened on her jaw until she nodded just to get him to stop. �I
don�t believe you,� he hissed in reference to her nod, but he did let go.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, just wanting to
placate him. He was scaring her badly and she wanted nothing more than to have
this nightmare of an anniversary to be over.
He slapped her again, even harder than the last time.
�That is not what I want to hear,
even if I believed it.�
This time Aida couldn't hide the tears of pain that
came to her eyes. "I never said I didn't love you -"
Sands just slapped her again, soothing her battered
cheek with a gentle hand and soft cooing sound afterwards. �This isn�t about
love, Aida.� He was beginning to lose patience, but he would never give up on
her. She was his wife.
"Then explain to me, please. I don't
understand." If she could just keep him talking...
He slapped her again and frowned at her angrily. �Why
are you making me do this to you? You know what I want. It�s so simple. And yet
you thwart me at every turn. Do you like it when I hurt you? Is that why you
resist me? I can hurt you more if that�s your wish. I can make you bleed and
beg. It could be fun for both of us. If that�s what you want.�
She shook her head.
�Then why,� his hand moved to encircle her neck
again, �do you try and stall me? What I ask for is so simple, so easy. Why do
you hurt yourself like this?�
"Because you're scaring me," she whispered
miserably.
�I�m only doing what is necessary, Aida. If that
scares you then I�m sorry. But it doesn�t have to be this way. You�re only
prolonging your own torment. You know that, don�t you?�
"You don't have to hurt me," she tried to
convince him.
�Apparently I do,� he slapped her again hard, his
thumb moving to wipe away a trickle of blood that had collected on her lip
where she had bitten it. �Stop this, Aida,� he growled. �I don�t know what your
game is, but I don�t particularly like hurting you like this. Give me what I
want and end this.�
"What do you want?"
He shook his head slowly as if saddened by her
refusal to understand. �I�ve told you, Aida. I asked you time and time again
and you refused me. You�ve caused such harm to yourself for the sake of two
little words. Say them and this will end. I�ll not tell you again. If I have to
force them out of you, I will though it will pain me to do so.�
Pain him.
Right, she thought bitterly. "I'm yours," she whispered, not
meeting his eyes.
�I don�t believe you mean that,� he hissed though he
did not hit her again. �Look at me.�
She forced her eyes up, hoping he wouldn't read the
pain and despair in them. "I'm yours."
�Say it again,� he ordered crisply.
"I'm yours." It was quieter that time, but
not as full of the emotions that were choking her heart.
�Make me believe it,� he commanded softly, moving his
hands away from her. He noticed her flinch as he moved but he shook it off. It
was her own fault, not his.
I'll make you
believe, alright. Trying to make him let down his guard, Aida lifted her
face to kiss him. He responded arrogantly, not caring that he hurt and
humiliated her. But at least he occupied himself so thoroughly with consuming
her that he didn't notice when she reached for the vase on the bedside stand.
He did notice when she brought it crashing down on
his head.
�Kitty,� he gasped, his vision fading. �Aida. You��
He might have said more, but he found he couldn�t form the words as he slumped bonelessly to the bed, his world going black.
***
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More Than Darkness