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Reconciliation
By : LexiLupin
Category: Star Wars (All) > AU - Alternate Universe
Views: 3594 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars; I make no money.
Chapter List
- 1-Reconciliation
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 8-Part 8
- 9-Part 9
- 10-Part 10
- 11-Part 11
- 12-Part 12
- 13-Epilogue
- 7
- 8
- 9
Part VIII

Jacen stared glumly at the door to the bacta chamber, waiting for the healers and med droids to pull Jaina from the tank and get her presentable and back in bed. Perhaps it was pointless, but he was determined to say goodnight to her, to try- probably in vain- for the tenth time to connect with her again, to lend any small amount of comfort, even if it wouldn't help her wake…

A somber presence approached, and he turned in surprise to face Tenel Ka, who had largely avoided the medical ward in order to give the Solos privacy. "Good evening, Jacen," the solemn warrior-girl greeted.

"Oh- hey," he murmured distractedly. "Sorry that we haven't had time to catch up yet, but…" he trailed away, eyes wide, looking like a lost little kid- which, in some ways, he was at the moment.

"Your apology is unnecessary," she chastised evenly. "Your concern for your sister should take precedence." She paused. "How is Jaina?"

He shrugged. "No change."

"I am… deeply grieved to hear it."

Jacen turned and looked at his friend. To anyone else, she would have sounded disinterested, insincere even… but Jacen knew her well enough by now to read the subtle nuances in her tone, to see the sad flicker in her eyes, even without the Force to tell him that she was remarkably distraught by the situation. "She'll be okay."

"Fact."

"She has to be… or else they've won."

Tenel Ka met his eyes and held his gaze evenly. "What about you, friend Jacen? Are you okay?" Jacen hesitated. "Don't let your sister's wellbeing hinder your own recovery from your captivity."

Bitter, Jacen laughed humorlessly. "I'm not the one they hurt."

"Some wounds are not for the naked eye to see- and those can run much deeper, as is the case for your sister. Have a care, my friend- they have other ways of winning."

He just blinked owlishly at her for a minute before flushing and looking down. "You've been talking to Uncle Luke."

"No, Jacen; but your emotions are easily read, just beneath the surface. And you can't keep pushing away your anger for Jaina's sake alone; you need to do so for yourself, first and foremost. If you tie your emotions to the wellbeing of another, even one as close as your twin, then you allow others to take advantage of it, to exploit it."

"That's exactly what Brakiss was trying to do," Jacen admitted tonelessly. "I'm trying," he pleaded with her.

A flicker of disappointment flashed through her face. "There is no try, my friend."

X-X-X-X

Cilghal arrived two days later, called away from her duties as senator as a last resort, though Luke had highly suspected when he placed the call that it would be a waste of her time and skills to come out. She was a healer, not a miracle worker, and if the combined efforts of Luke, Leia, Jacen, and Anakin could not reach his niece, he had little expectations that someone the girl barely knew would succeed where they had failed.

Her family sat with bated breath while Cilghal, bracing herself in the Force after Luke's urging about the depths of Jaina's inner darkness, closed her large, bulbous eyes and placed a flipper-like hand against Jaina's forehead. Her expressions were difficult to read, as was usual for a human studying a mon calamari face, but Luke noticed her stiffen and cringe slightly before hardening her resolve and renewing her insistent probing of the stricken girl's mind.

It felt like hours that they sat there, anxiously peering at Jaina and Cilghal in turn, while the healer's eyes twitched beneath translucent lids and Jaina… remained completely unmoved. If it hadn't been for the slow, shallow rise and fall of her chest- and the variety of equipment monitoring her condition and supplying her body with much needed sugars and fluids- than she might have appeared dead. Luke hastily shoved that morbid thought from his mind before any of the others picked up on it.

Finally, eons later- or, as a glance at the chrono confirmed, about forty-five minutes- Cilghal shook and pulled away, slumping backwards into a chair and wearily bringing a glass of water to her mouth. She drank quickly, took a few deep breaths, and then opened her eyes, steadily meeting the gazes of the worried family.

"Anything?" Luke asked.

The Jedi healer twitched her facial muscles in an expression that might have been hesitancy. "I'm… not sure, Master Skywalker. I'm sorry. There is… much darkness in your niece's mind right now." She drew a shuddering breath. "I was barely able to penetrate the outer layer of defenses she's drawn in around herself."

"That's more than we've been able," Jacen put in quickly. Luke nodded his sad agreement.

"I'm still not sure that I accomplished anything though," Cilghal said softly. "I… I think I was able to, briefly, get a grasp on her presence, but…"

"But?" Han demanded, and then looked chastised for snapping at the healer. "Sorry."

She waved off his apology. "Quite simply, Chief Organa Solo, Captain Solo… I'm not who… or what… she's waiting for."

Addressing her as such catapulted Luke back into the realization that his sister was the current chief-of-state, and that she had already spent almost a week isolated from the seat of government. He pushed aside those minor concerns- minor in the current situation, anyway- when Jacen spoke up in confusion, tinged with mild alarm.

"Waiting for? What does that mean? How could she be waiting for something- or someone- when her mind is closing her off involuntarily?"

Cilghal turned a piercing gaze in his direction. "Why should you think that this is involuntary, Jacen?" she asked, peering closely at him before shifting her gaze back to Jaina's prone form.

"I…" Jacen looked around at his family for help, but they seemed just as startled by her question that he was.

"Cilghal," Luke spoke up softly, "Jaina is young, and still has a great deal of training before she could develop the level of mental control you're talking about. This is no basic healing trance."

The healer smacked her lips a couple of times, thinking, round eyes rotating and peering at the various instruments and monitors keeping track of Jaina's condition. "You would know that better than I, Master Skywalker, but… our bodies and minds can do astounding things, when under duress. In an instant of extreme pain, your niece could very well have performed a feat that would not have been plausible in normal circumstances."

Jacen frowned and Luke looked mildly dejected. "I understand, Cilghal," he said softly. "But I'm afraid that the condition in which Jaina fell into this… trance," he stumbled, for lack of a better word, "does not really qualify." He had purposely avoided giving Cilghal any details beyond what they all already knew- that the twins and Lowbacca had been captured by the Shadow Academy, that a prolonged effort had been made to turn them all to the dark side- and that Jaina had returned broken and unconscious. Luke wanted a completely outside perspective on Jaina's mind, one that was not yet tinged with the horror of the full details of what had occurred between her and Zekk. "They were already heading to safety, away from danger, when she succumbed."

The healer rolled her eyes back over the girl. "Ah. I see. And Jaina has never displayed any similar tendencies towards… mental retreat, withdrawing in around herself in times of high-stress…?"

"No," Han said immediately. "Jaina's nothing if not strong-minded and ready for a fight of any kind."

"Actually…" all eyes spun to Jacen, who winced apologetically. "Just once, when she… when I was particularly upset, she somehow severed our personal bond, I think to protect me."

"To protect you?" Leia frowned.

He closed his eyes, willing the memories to not overwhelm him. "She was being hurt by… by Zekk, for the first time, we didn't even know for sure that he'd been captured, we certainly didn't know how much Brakiss had warped him. And while it was happening, Brakiss was goading me about it, and I was getting so angry. So she stopped me from feeling it and… I thought she'd been killed, before I realized that I could still sense her distantly, deep down. But when I finally got back to her, she had slipped into some kind of trance, but she woke up the next day and was on the mend."

Cilghal was thoughtful. "A healing trance?"

"No… she said that she thought it was an unconscious reflex, I think."

"And this never happened again."

"No," Jacen was bitter. "After that, she was blocked off from using the Force, though I could help push her into a healing trance when she was sleeping, even distantly. And she had the Force back when… this… happened," he answered Cilghal's unspoken question.

"Lending merit to the idea that this was an unconscious reflex as well," Cilghal murmured. "Nevertheless… my instinct is that, even if only partially, she did this with some measure of control over it. That isn't necessarily to say that she'll just wake up one day," she warned heavily. "In fact, I'm inclined to think otherwise. There's something in her aura… beneath the obvious pain and darkness, hidden… but there's something there that feels like she's waiting for someone, or for something to happen, maybe."

Uneasy looks were exchanged. If Jaina was waiting for someone, they couldn't imagine who- her entire family was here, had collectively tried to pull her away from her internal prison. And if it was something… that was even more befuddling. "Maybe…" Leia spoke hesitantly. "Maybe it's Zekk's presence? Mightn't that make her feel… unsafe?"

Jacen shook his head. "I doubt it; with the pulse cuff on him, she could barely sense him from across the shuttle on the jump here, certainly not enough to cause her to break down like she did at the end there…"

Luke frowned, considering that. "I suppose it is a possibility…" he said slowly. "But, short of getting a hold of some ysalamiri, I don't know that we can just block Jaina's awareness of Zekk completely, and I'm unwilling to let him leave Yavin at the moment. He's severely troubled and depressed, and he'd be a danger to himself and others, I fear."

"We could just kill him…"

"Han!"

He scowled at his wife before sighing heavily. "Yeah, yeah, I know… vengeance is of the dark side, or some rodder…"

"Cilghal," Luke stepped in firmly, putting a quick halt to Han's half-joking idea, "is there anything else you can tell us about what you sensed in Jaina? Anything that might be at all helpful?"

She seemed unsure. "Give me an hour or so to regain my strength, and I'll try to get through to her again. Perhaps Jacen would like to help?" she swiveled her eyes to him questioningly. "His connection to her is, after all, the strongest."

"I can try," Jacen said, swallowing hard, pushing down his fear that his sister would never wake up again.

X-X-X-X

Bolstered by Cilghal's strength and confidence in what she was doing, Jacen found himself having a slightly easier time maintaining a presence in Jaina's mind- but only slightly. He instinctively followed the beacon of Cilghal's calm, steady presence as she again felt her way through Jaina's pain and turmoil, slipping further down in her mind, searching for that soft glow of consciousness that she had buried deep inside herself where it couldn't be touched, couldn't be hurt…

Time was impossible to comprehend, minutes ticked passed uncounted, while Jacen clung to Cilghal's compassion, as she used it to penetrate deeper, but even with it, the stinging sense of betrayal pressed in around him. As they went further though, it changed to something else… sadness, disappointment, abandonment… expectation…

And then, suddenly, he felt her lingering there, her presence pressing against the far corner of her mind, trying to avoid another encounter with the mon calamari Jedi healer. Jacen tried to separate himself slightly from Cilghal, to use his own connection to appeal to her, to get her to pay attention to him, and hopefully they'd be able to communicate again, he could learn how to fix her, how to make her whole again…

Something in the glow of her presence flickered, and Jacen grew excited, sensing a wave of recognition as her attention turned towards him; and the excitement quickly vanished as he found himself trapped, pinned, surrounded by the darkness.

You're letting Brakiss win.

He struggled to pull free of her excruciating grip, but she was relentless, determined to hold him there in her shattered mind…

Look past your own feelings, Jacen, see yourself…do what I asked of you…

And then he was sitting in the med center again, leaning forward over Jaina's bed, her hand in his… he pulled away, gasping for breath, and saw Cilghal blinking slowly, recovering from the exhausting attempt as she had earlier that night. He glanced around, before remembering that his family had collectively decided that they would allow them privacy for their attempt.

"That was… enlightening," Cilghal murmured.

"Wha-" Jacen gasped. "What happened?"

Her eyes twitched. "She threw you out- and then forced herself deeper to hide from me."

"Me?" Jacen gasped. "She threw me out?"

Cilghal frowned- or at least, did the equivalent for a mon cal face. "Could you not feel her emotions there, at the end?"

"I… I did, she spoke to me… or at least, impressed enough of her feelings on me to seem like she was speaking…"

"What did she say?"

Jacen looked away, uncomfortable and suddenly claustrophobic among the whirring machines and sensors which were ensuring his sister's continued physical health. "That I was letting him win- Brakiss," he bit out. "That… I needed to see myself, and do what she wanted me to."

Curiosity radiated from the healer. "What did she want you to do?"

Anxiety welled in Jacen as he plundered quickly through his memory. "I don't know!" he exclaimed. "She… she didn't say anything, just that she was hurting…"

Cilghal looked mildly disappointed. "I think we've done all we can for tonight," she said softly. "Get some rest, we'll try again in the morning…"

"Yeah," Jacen muttered, still deeply perturbed. "I think I'll go… meditate for a while. Thanks, Cilghal…" and he wandered out of the room after casting an anxious look at Jaina, whose face remained as still and impassive as before.

Hot tears were forming in his eyes as he slipped into an empty meditation chamber a few minutes later. He had considered returning to his own room, but the plethora of animals- thoughtfully tended by other students in his absence- would be too much of a distraction, and Jacen had a puzzle to solve.

A shame that Anakin was the good one with mysteries.

He settled down on the floor, ignoring the sensation of the cold flagstones through his thin jumpsuit. Cross-legged, he rested his arms against his knees and let his eyes drift closed, reaching out, feeling the Force in the jungle surrounding them, in the temple itself, in his own body… and, stretching out, in his parents and Anakin, quartered somewhere above him, in his uncle, also awake he thought, in Jaina, though he did not linger over her cold presence yet, and… in himself.

Look past your own feelings, Jacen, see yourself…

What was that supposed to mean? He focused on his feelings in a detached sort of way, the meditation purging them from his body as he calmed and relaxed, felt the Force touching his cells…

Pervading his emotions of late had been, first and foremost, desperate concern for Jaina; even if he dared try it, he knew he would never be able to look past that, so he moved on. Beneath… fear and frustration, sadness… and tingeing it all, the lingering anger, resentment, bitterness at what Brakiss and Zekk had done to Jaina, at what Tamith Kai had done to Lowie…

With a flash, he remembered his late-night conversation with Tenel Ka, several hours after they had arrived on Yavin.

"She'll be okay… she has to be… or else they've won."

"Have a care, my friend- they have other ways of winning… your emotions are easily read, just beneath the surface. And you can't keep pushing away your anger for Jaina's sake alone; you need to do so for yourself, first and foremost."

You're letting Brakiss win…

Okay, so he was angry; but while his sister was essentially in a coma, how else was he supposed to feel? But even as he thought it, he felt his uncle's reassuring presence brush over him, steadying him, urging him to be calm…

Anger was of the dark side. They all knew that, it was the quintessential warning all up-and-coming Jedi trainees were given. But if he struggled to look past it, as she requested… yes, he could well see that it was doing nothing but making him bitter. His anger did not help Jaina in the slightest, and it only weakened him. But he hardly saw the relevance.

Sighing, he pushed aside the frustrating line of thought and focused on the next part.

Do what I asked of you…

Guilt welled up inside of him as he struggled to remember any request she had made that might be relevant, during their captivity or otherwise. All that came immediately to mind was her half-joking instruction for him to find a way to release them from their imprisonment, when he'd woken her up after Brakiss unexpectedly allowed him to see her. But he'd failed her in that, and Zekk had freed them instead, after hurting her so badly and causing this whole mess…

"Don't be mad. That's what Brakiss wants. He thinks you'll join the Shadow Academy when Zekk kills me."

He started, but forced himself to remain calm, barely registering the stiffening of cold and cramped muscles. It wasn't a request, per say, and she'd been half out of her mind under the influence of the medication Zekk had pumped into her system, but…

Zekk.

Look past your own feelings, see yourself…

Don't be mad…

Zekk.

"I'd like to see Zekk… Just ask him, please."

Swearing, Jacen fully startled himself out of his meditative trance, and in a heartbeat, understood everything Jaina was trying to tell him.

His anger was clouding his judgment- and in it, he had completely refused the last thing she had asked of him before slipping into unconsciousness, out of protectiveness, bitterness… he should have taken her request more seriously, and instead, had accepted Zekk's cowardly refusal to face her, when he should have pushed, should have given her the chance to face him, to come to terms with him…

He had denied that- with Zekk's help- and now he needed to fix it.

Banishing the hovering cloud of fear and doubt, of anger and distrust, Jacen quickly strode from the room and ascended three levels to where he knew Zekk's quarters were. When he got there, he glanced around, and noted that a lock on the door was the only security measure, given Zekk's Force-hindering bracelet. Kyle Katarn was assigned the next room over though, presumably where he would be alert to any signs of trouble.

Shrugging off that piece of information, Jacen pressed a hand to Zekk's door and heard the latch disengage. Without bothering to knock or in any other way announce his presence, he slipped inside- and was unsurprised to find the resident in question to be awake already, sitting at a small desk in the corner, staring at the wall. He turned though, as Jacen stepped through, and rose a curious brow, though his face remained otherwise blank and impassive.

"Come with me," Jacen told him quickly, a twisted parody of their reverse-roled escape from the Shadow Academy. Reading the seriousness in Jacen's eyes- and displaying a flicker of consternation in his own- Zekk stood without a word and met Jacen at the door. Jacen reached for his wrist and Zekk pulled away reflexively, then started in surprise when the cuff dropped away, clanging to the flagstones at their feet.

Offering no explanation, he turned and led the way down the turbolift. As they exited on the level that contained the infirmary, Zekk slowed to a stop and spoke softly, hesitantly… even fearfully. "Jacen?"

"Come on," he reached back for the other's arm and pulled him along after him. "I need your help. Jaina needs your help."

Zekk wrenched his arm from Jacen's grip, stricken. "Is she…?"

"She's still unconscious," Jacen explained quickly, turning the last corner and stopping outside the medical center door. "But she wants to see you."

"How could she want to see me if she's unconscious…?"

Jacen throttled his impatience as he pushed open the door to the darkened ward. "Because she did before she passed out, and I ignored her, and I let you hide from what you did. She deserves the chance to face you, to confront you, and you owe her that much."

Zekk stopped by the partition, feelings of horrid angst radiating from him as he stared at the deathly-looking form in the bed. "I…" he cringed and stammered, "I still don't see… how can I…?"

"You've sought her out in her unconscious mind before, Zekk, I felt you do it the night we escaped." The nervous teen still stood, unsure. "Damn it, Zekk," Jacen bit, "you broke her- you fix her."

Hesitantly, Zekk approached the bed and peered down at the still girl. With a sigh- one of remorse or regret, Jacen thought- he sank down in the chair that he had vacated an hour ago and reached out a hand to rest on Jaina's forearm- to grab her hand would have been much too personal, much too intimate- and he closed his eyes. Jacen could feel the pulsing in the Force as he struggled against the cloud of darkness… and then he was distracted by a new sense, one of mild alarm that was slowly growing…

It wasn't coming from Zekk or Jaina though. He turned and strode back into the corridor, heading off Kyle Katarn as he walked quickly towards the med center.

"Jacen!" the Master exclaimed. "Zekk is gone from his room…" Jacen held up a hand and smiled apologetically.

"That was my doing, I'm sorry, Master. But Zekk has a job he has to do."

Silently, Katarn followed him to the door, and they stepped inside. Katarn seemed startled and briefly alarmed again to see Zekk at Jaina's side, but Jacen held up a hand, urging his patience. "I think he can reach her," he said softly. "I think he's the one she's been waiting for."

And they sat on the far side of the room, watched and sensed as Zekk slipped deeper into his own trance…

And waited.PP
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Reconciliation	By : LexiLupin Category: Star Wars (All) > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 3594 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars; I make no money.

Reconciliation