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Time Retreating	By : Ladykohl Category: Star Wars (All) > General Views: 8225 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Prologue
- 2-Part 1
- 3-Part 2
- 4-Part 3
- 5-Part 4
- 6-Part 5
- 7-Part 6
- 8-Part 7
- 9-Part 8
- 7
- 8
- 9
Author's Note: Thanks again to Dru - the best beta ever! You have helped me so much with this story, I don't know what I would have done without you!
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Time Retreating
Part 7
"Often it is the most deserving people who cannot help loving those who destroy them."
- Hermann Hesse

I walked quietly through out the halls of the retreat
the morning after they had pulled me out of the lake.
All was silent, and no one was around. It seemed as
though everyone had left me alone to contemplate my
place. To contemplate... everything. I felt
disturbingly detached from the life that I now found
myself living. Pernea... the name seemed foreign, yet
it had been mine for 16 years. I felt out of place...
and more lonely than I had ever imagined possible. I
had always known that I was different... that I didn�t
exactly belong the same way everyone else had, but I
had never suspected anything like this. And now that
I knew... what was to be done? Who was I? Was I
Padme Naberrie Skywalker - or Pernea Folari? How
could I live the life of a common girl when I had been
the queen of Naboo and had known the love of a jedi?
What place was there for me now?
I took a deep breath, and found that I was once again
standing in front of the statue that depicted Queen
Amidala with her beautiful flowing hair and her
traditional make-up. Such an odd combination. Almost as though the artist had wanted the observer to see a different side to her...
I looked in to her eyes, and I hated her. I hated her
for how weak she had been - when she had been raised
to be strong. I hated her for all the pain she had
caused me, and was causing me still... and with a
sudden jolt, I realized I really hated myself. I let
out a frustrated cry of grief and pushed at the statue
with all my strength until it shifted off it�s
pedestal. I quickly stepped back and watched as the
statue that had been crafted with such care crashed to
the floor - shattering. Smooth stone pieces littered
the marble floor as I fell to it and began pounding
the pieces with my fists.
�You�re weak!� I cried out on shuddering sobs.
�You�re weak! He hurt you so many times, but you
couldn�t push him away!� I continued to pound the
pieces of stone - even as my skin tore and bled.

�Why did you love him?� I collapsed on to my legs and
covered my face with my bloodied hands and cried
violently. Was this to be my life for now on?
Regretting something that I could never make better?
Loving the spector of a man that had been ruled by the
darkness inside of him? He had not appeared to me
since I had been pulled out of the water... I hated
that I was afraid I would never see him again. That
he had left me alone in a universe I no longer
recognized...
I felt someone�s presence behind me, but did not care.
I no longer cared whether I lived or died... why would
being discovered at the base of a destroyed statue
have mattered to me? I was ready to hear shouts of
anger and surprise at what I had done... but they did
not come. Instead I felt a gentle warmth at the base
of my neck and my back as someone kneeled behind me.
A head was rested on my shoulder and a soothing hand
ran down my arm. I shook.
�Anakin...� I breathed out.
�It�s me, Padme.� He whispered in my ear. �Don�t
cry. You have cried enough.� His rough hand caressed
my tear soaked cheek and I closed my eyes and leaned
in to his touch. I allowed him to comfort me...
forgetting his darkness. He had always been capable
of such love and gentleness... it could make me forget
anything.
�Please... do not leave me here alone.� I pleaded.
�I�ve never left you.... just as you�ll never leave
me.�
�I�m afraid, Anakin.�
�I know...� He ran his hand through my hair and I let
my weight fall against his chest.

�Why did you make me remember? ... Why are you
tormenting me this way?� He did not answer right
away.
�I am not here to torment you, Padme. I am here to
make amends. It is the force that brings me to you...
it is the force that has made you remember. It is
unbalanced by our pain - our pain that is echoing
through time.� I creased my forehead and opened my
eyes. I didn�t understand. How could our pain
unbalance the force? How were we so important? I
shook my head and pulled away from him - pushing
myself up off the floor. I turned to look at him - to
demand that he explain. Perhaps... to demand that he make me forget
the
pain of our life together... but he
was no longer behind me. He was no longer
anywhere.
Gone.
�Anakin?� I called out. �Anakin!� He had left me
again, and more confused than I had already been. If
he could leave this place, why couldn�t I? Why did I
have to be left behind?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
�Anakin!� I opened my eyes - and found that I was not
in the hallway... but laying in my bed. My breathing
was heavy as I sat up and looked around. Shay was
sitting in a chair at the foot of my bed - watching me
wearily.
�You call his name.� He said blankly. I
swallowed.
�... Whose name?� I asked - not meeting his eyes.
His expression did not change.
�You know who.� I looked away from him and said
nothing. Even if I had wanted to tell him what was
happening to me, I knew he would never believe it. He
stood up and walked over to the window. Looking out,
he spoke. �I was not sure if I heard you right at
first. In all the confusion of pulling you from the
water - of you almost dying... I thought maybe I had
imagined the name you called.� He looked at me. �But
just now... in your sleep... you called his name
again.� A pause. �Why are you dreaming of a man you
have never met before?� I looked him in the eyes for
the first time, and realized suddenly how much they
resembled Anakin�s. A coincidence, of course... the
blood line would be too thin by now to cause any real
resemblance to his ancestor.
�It must be the story you told me... my dreams are
nothing more than the work of an over excited
imagination.� Shay narrowed his eyes, and in an
instant looked even more like Anakin.
�Foolish though it may be, milady... I think it
something different than that.� I was quiet. His
eyes remained narrowed on me. Milady. He had called
me milady.
�... Unfortunately...� I started carefully. �I can
not tell you what to think.� Shay laughed almost
inaudibly through his nose.
�Strange how your manner of speech has been altered.�
He paused. �Must have been the icy water. I suppose
it effects everyone differently.� I did not know what
to say. He was suspicious of me. What would he do if
he knew the truth?
�Pern-- oh.� Eali said, as she walked in to the room
- surprised to see the grounds keeper standing over
me. �I�m sorry, should I--� Shay looked over at her
and smiled warmly.
�No, no... come in. I just came to make sure that
young Pernea is feeling better. She had quite
a fever earlier, which I�m glad to say our medical
droid has successfully broken.� He looked back at me.
�I�ll leave you two alone. I�m sure you�ll have a
lot to discuss.� He made an over exagerated bow,
then strode out of the room. Eali stepped up to my
bed and glanced out of the doorway.
�What was that about?� She asked. �He seemed annoyed
with you.� I nodded.
�Probably for all the trouble I have been causing.�
Eali seemed to accept this.
�Pernea...� She started. �What is wrong with you?�
I did not know what to say to the girl who had been
my closest friend for years... because I no longer
felt I knew her. She certainly did not know me. She
let out a frustrated sigh when I did not answer her,
and her hands flew to her hips. �Pernea! By the gods
you have been acting so strangley since we have been
here. First the screaming in the night... now nearly
drowning yourself. People are talking.�
�Let them talk.� I said - not caring.
�What is this? What has come over you?� I looked
away from her.
�You would not understand.� I said, and then in a
quieter voice added, �No one would.�
�You see? That is exactly the type of thing I am
talking about. Since when would I not understand? ...
And how could you know I wouldn�t understand if you
refuse to tell me anything?� I clenched my jaw and
met her eyes. Such a foolish child.
�I have endured a life time of pain in these past few
days, Eali. There are some things that you can not
understand... even if I told you everything. Please
leave me.� Eali looked stricken, and did not speak at
first.
�I�m your best friend...� She said sadly. I raised
my chin.
�You do not know me... you could not know me. I am
alone in this world.� Eali swallowed.
�Who are you?� She whispered as she shook her head.
I said nothing. �You�re right... if you can�t talk to
me... you really are alone.� I saw her eyes sheen
over with tears before she turned from me and left the
room. Any sympathy I felt for her was short lived...
I had little emotion left to spare for anyone. I
stood up slowly from the bed and walked over to window
doors. Holding open the curtains, I looked out on the
balcony on which Anakin and I had been married in
secret. It had not meant the end of the hurt we
caused each other as I had hoped... it was really only
the beginning.
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Time Retreating