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More Than Darkness	By : SaMe Category: M through R > Once Upon A Time In Mexico Views: 4591 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the movie that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 76
- 77
- 78
�Welcome,
Sands. How good it is to see you in person. I�ve always wanted to meet you, do
you realise? Of course, I�ve always wanted to kill you right after the meeting
so I suppose you must have guessed that,� Quentin�s soft tones met his ears
right from the start. Sands looked around. They seemed to be in the study. The
same study where he had just left. He half expected to see himself and Aida
entwined naked on the couch but it was empty. As for the man himself�Sands
gaped at him. Quentin-as he viewed himself-was a splitting image of the now
deceased CIA officer Roland Rivers, right down to the black suit and
white-blonde hair.
�You couldn�t
have been more original? I always thought I was more creative than that,� Sands
muttered to hide his shock.
Quentin laughed
a little and drew out his/Roland�s gun. Before Sands could think to move out of
the way, shoot back, etc, a painfully familiar pain was tearing its way through
his abdomen. �Guns are for pussies,� Sands growled, yet envisioned a gun of his
own. If it was to be a gunfight, so be it. He could handle a gunfight. All out
chaos soon ensued with the both of them firing at each other Wild West style,
neither taking immediate cover. Sands ended up with another bullet in his
shoulder but gifted Quentin with one in the collar bone to return the favour.
�She�s mine,
you twisted son of a bitch! My wife! What makes you think that she would ever
be anything else?� Sands yelled at him, clearly furious.
Quentin laughed
again. �She�s not anyone�s. If she�s not mine, then she�s dead. I�m going to
kill her. And I�m going to kill your child as well. If it had been my child I
just might have let her live until it was born, but since it�s not. Well, she
has to go, I�m afraid.�
�You�re not
going to touch her,� Sands hissed, going perfectly still. He would make a
decidedly easy target, but that didn�t matter. What mattered was finding his
calm and taking this bastard out once and for all. Sands remained still even as
bullets whizzed past him; one close enough to bite into the skin of his cheek
and ruffle his hair. He calmed his breathing, steadied his hands, and took aim.
Quentin was still yelling about love and death when he fell backwards with a
bullet hole right between his eyes.
***
Sands grew warm as Aida waited. It worried her�but
there was no sign of seizures yet. Just
the thought made her arms go so tightly around Sands� chest that they started
to go numb. She couldn�t loose him. He�d better damn well remember just what he
had to come back to because if he lost and Quentin killed her, she was going to
track him down and give him a piece of her mind before killing him again.
�Hurry up, baby,� she whispered into his ear, hoping
that somehow he�d be aware of her.
�Don�t make me wait like this. Come back. Just do the job and come back.
I can�t wait like this. It�s tearing me up, and I know you don�t want to hurt
me. So come back.� She kissed his unresponsive lips. �Please, baby.�
There was no response.
She waited, barely daring to breathe, and not a
muscle moved in the body above her.
Aida started to pray. If that was all she could do,
she�d do it willingly.
***
Sands stumbled
through the study, wondering why he was still here. He had won. Quentin was dead,
wasn�t he? He leaned over the man�s prone body with some pain and poked at it.
Yes, clearly he was dead. So why did he feel so uneasy? �Sheldon?
Sheldon, are you here? Come out, Sheldon,� Sands asked suddenly.
Childish
laughter filled the room, seeming to come from everywhere. �You�re supposed to
say come out, come out wherever you are, Mr. Sands. You�re not playing the game
right.�
Sands sighed
and pressed his hand tighter against the wound in his stomach. He could feel
his blood seeping through his fingers and he knew he had to reenter
consciousness soon. He knew that death here would be true death there and he
couldn�t let that happen. Aida was counting on him. �Stop playing games,
Sheldon.�
The walls
twisted and shook then, forming into an entirely different room that Sands also
recognised. It was his room; his room as a child. In fact it was so real he
half expected to see his parents come in yelling at him for making too much
noise. �You�re mean to me, Mr. Sands. You always have been. Only Miss Aida was
ever nice and now she�s mean too. This is your fault!�
�Stop this,
Sheldon. Stop this right now!� Sand yelled, losing his footing on the trembling
ground. Why had he been afraid of Quentin? It was clear that Sheldon was the
real threat here. Sheldon, with the quick and irrational
temper of a child.
�No! You can�t
make me! You�re not my father! You killed my father!� Sheldon�s voice screamed
throughout the room. Sands cupped his hands over his ears in pain; the scream
was at least ten times louder than any natural voice should have been.
�Your-our
father was not a good man, Sheldon. He hurt us. Do you remember? He was the
mean one, not me. And not Aida. Aida loves you,� Sands
tried to reason, shouting himself over the sound of his own ringing ears.
�No she
doesn�t!� Sheldon screeched, the walls shaking with his anger. Sands began to
feel like a bug in a box being shaken by a brutish little boy. �She doesn�t
love me. She never has. She�s bad and wicked. She�s not my mother.�
�Sheldon
please,� Sands gasped, having fallen to his hands and knees; quickly losing the
strength to regain his footing. �Stop this. You�ll kill us both.�
That apparently
had been the wrong thing to say. �I DON�T CARE! I have nothing! You took
everything from me! You�you�bastard!� Sands blinked at
Sheldon�s uncharacteristic swearing. Sheldon continued. �I just wanted to go
home and I have no home. You burned it down. I just wanted to see my parents
and I have no parents. You killed them. The only thing I have is Aloysius and
he�s not even mine! I hate you! Why am I even here? Why did you take me from
them? Why did you take me from my parents?�
�I�m-I�m sorry,
Sheldon��
�That�s not
good enough!� Sheldon sobbed. �Bring them back! Please, bring them back.�
Sheldon�s voice faded until Sands couldn�t hear him any longer. One of his arms
gave out under his weight and he fell to the ground but somehow found the
strength to look up and call out Sheldon�s name as loud as he could. There was
no answer. Sheldon was gone.
***
Aida didn't like the way the man in her arms was
shaking. It wasn't quite a seizure - his skin was nice and rosy and his lips
weren't blue so his blood was circulating just fine - but it made her uneasy.
"Sands?" Aida's
voice was pitched high with fright, but she didn't notice. "Sands, it's
time to wake up. Now. You have to wake up right
now."
No response.
"Sands!"
Sands dimly heard someone calling for him, but it was
hard to listen. He felt cleaved in two and all he wanted to do was rest here
for a little while. Just a little while and then he�d answer the nice-sounding
lady that wanted to talk to him so much. She sounded scared�but no, she would
be alright. He would just sleep for a few minutes and then he would go to her�
"Sands?" It was difficult, but Aida managed to bend
her arm around until she could slap her husband across the face. "Wake
up!"
Sands felt his world sharpen and the woman calling
him grow more insistent but he frowned and tried to ignore her. Couldn�t she
see he was tired? And cold�why was he cold? Wasn�t there a fire going?
Hoping that she hadn�t imagined the miniscule
downturn of his lips, Aida tried to rouse her husband once more. �Sands? Please wake
up. You said you wouldn�t leave me. That you wouldn�t leave
us. So please wake up.�
�Cold�tired�� Sands murmured, not wanting to open his
eyes but instinctively huddling closer to her warmth.
"Sands?" Her
fingers frantically stroked his face. "Are you back?"
He shook his head, but clearly he had to be to answer
her question. Aida forced him to lift his head to hers, waiting for him to open
his eyes. He did finally do as she wanted, but the stark terror that ran
through his gaze was not what she had been expecting. He flinched away from her
as if she had just given him a grin full of sharp fangs.
"What?" she asked, freezing beneath him. "What is it?"
�Who�who the fuck are you?� he breathed, still
backing away from her. He hadn�t yet noticed that she was naked as his gaze was
fixed on her face in blatant confusion and fear.
For a split second she was wide-eyed and silent. Then
her eyes started to water fiercely, and then the hysterical laughter started.
Of course he had no memory of who she was. Of course...
�Please�please don�t do that,� Sands pleaded softly.
�I�m sorry, Miss. Did I meet you somewhere?� he started to see that they were
both naked. �I don�t feel hung-over�� he muttered to himself.
"Yes," she gasped, trying to rein back both
her laughter and the impending sobs. "New Orleans."
�But we�re not in New Orleans right now. We�re not
even in the US. Man I must have been really
drunk. Do forgive me,� he murmured, silently wondering how the hell he
could just�forget meeting a girl and
taking her across the world with him.
"There's nothing to forgive," she murmured,
feeling her stomach start churning. "Pardon me." I'm going to be sick. Groping for his robe, she pulled it on as she
made her way out of the room.
Sands realised that she had taken his only apparent
clothing and grabbed at a throw hanging on the back of the couch. Wrapping it
around his waist, he padded in the direction of the bathroom-somehow he knew
this was his house and where the bathroom was-to find the mysterious woman he
had apparently been having sex with only moments ago.
She smiled tightly at him. "I'll be out of your
way in a moment."
�No, don�t go. I feel awful. I have wronged you,
surely. I know I should remember you�you seem familiar somehow, but I find I
cannot. Please, tell me your name?�
"Getting forgetful in your old age?" Salida
scoffed as she sailed into the small room.
Before either Aida or Sands could say anything, she'd grabbed her
toothbrush and started brushing her teeth.
�Sunrise I�m trying to talk to this woman so if you
would kindly leave I�d much appreciate it,� Sands said between gritted teeth,
hoping that the mystery woman wouldn�t get the wrong impression about another
woman-another clearly pregnant
woman-strolling into the bathroom as if she owned the place.
"'Thi'
wumun?'" Salida asked through a mouthful
of toothbrush. When she looked inquiringly at Aida, the "woman" in
question just shook her head, a pleading look in her eyes.
Something's not
right here. Removing the brush from her mouth, Salida said, "Sands,
what the hell is wrong with you? Does he do this often?" That last was directed
towards Aida, who didn't answer.
�Do you know this woman? Wait you must if she
traveled with us from the States,� Sands murmured with a perplexed frown.
"Of course I know Aida. She's your wife."
Aida winced and backed farther into the room.
�She�s my what?� Sands asked incredulously. �Very
funny, Salida,� he said dryly. �I think I would have remembered a wife.�
"What's that on your finger then, bigshot?"
�Jeffrey�s tattoo. And a
bunch of fucking Band-Aids from Sheldon�s little playtime earlier,� he
murmured. �There�s nothing else.� Salida gave him a look that led him to doubt
his intelligence and thrust his right hand in his face. He gaped to see a ring
there. �When�when did I get this? How-how could I forget? No, it�s not
possible. Someone doesn�t forget their wedding; their wife. It just doesn�t
happen. Nice try ladies,� he murmured in a shaky voice, attempting to get the
ring off. It wouldn�t budge. His already ashen skin seemed to pale even
further. �Is it true? Tell me it�s not true. Tell me I haven�t forgotten,� he
pleaded with the strange woman-Aida-softly.
She gave him a strange smile. "You haven't
forgotten." You just don't remember.
The moment Salida had mentioned the ring; she'd slipped her own into the pocket
of his robe. "There's not much to remember. We crossed paths in New
Orleans and ran into each other again here." She wasn't an actress for
nothing; all signs of her earlier distress had been wiped from her face. To the
outside world she looked downright cheery. "I don't know why your room
mate is toying with you -"
Salida snorted and left the room. If Aida wanted to
play games, she didn't really give a damn. It was time for breakfast.
Aida watched her go, thankful that she'd gotten no
argument from that corner, then turned her attention
back to her husband. "I'm going to be late for work."
�Wait, don�t go, please. I need to talk to you. I�m
sorry I don�t remember bumping into you. I don�t know why I don�t. I don�t
think I had anything to drink yesterday and I don�t do drugs�� He shook his
head. �Please, tell me about yourself. Clearly we must have at least talked for
you to come here and stick around long enough to meet Salida. What�s your name?
Where do you work? Why are you here in Ireland and�I think I need to sit down.�
He had paled even further and sweat had broken out on his forehead as he
struggled to remember what simply was not
there.
"Don't worry about it, tiger." Aida almost
choked on the words. "I work downtown. And I can't afford to be late to
work. But I'll get off tonight. We can talk then." This wasn't the right
thing to do - Aida knew that down to the soles of her feet - but she couldn't
stay here and pretend everything was alright.
The use of the once familiar nickname garnered no
response. �Do you promise? Do you promise to come back?� he asked hesitantly,
leaning on the doorframe for support while his other hand clenched at the
blanket he held around his waist tightly.
Always. "Sure. I don't have any other
plans for the night." She walked up to him and lightly pushed him out of
her way. He didn't budge.
"I need my clothes," she murmured, not
quite meeting his eyes. "I can't go to work dressed like this."
�I do want to see you again�Aida. I�ll take you out
to dinner. I�m�� I�m tired of being
alone. �I would like to see you again.� He then frowned a little at her
words as he moved out of her way. �You can�t wear what you had on yesterday,
can you? I�m sorry if I�m going to make you late but surely you need to go back
to your place and get some fresh clothes�� he trailed off as she wandered into
his bedroom and opened his closet. Those
clothes definitely aren�t mine�
Aida cursed herself for coming in here, but her face
stayed bland. "Think your roommate will mind if I borrow some clothing?
She's got more than enough if she's storing things in your room as well as
hers."
�But those aren�t�� he cut himself off. Well of
course they had to be Salida�s. Who else could they belong to? �No, I don�t
think she will. Especially since it doesn�t look like she�s been able to wear
anything in there for months now,� he murmured.
"Oh good." Aida
quickly grabbed some clothes and retreated to the bathroom. Something about getting dressed in front of
Sands while his memory was...gone...made her uncomfortable.
Sands just laid down on the bed, his mind spinning
far too quickly to take any large interest in seeing her dress anyway. Facing
Quentin on his own hadn�t been his smartest of ideas but he hadn�t dared go to
Salida for help. He was on his own. He always had been. That they all had
somehow managed to keep civil all these months was a constant miracle, but he
didn�t dwell on it right now. He had long ago stopped caring about them. She
and Jeffrey were more than welcome to do whatever they liked. What difference
would it make to him anyway? At least they had some kind of life together.
Aida came out of the bathroom, dressed and as clean
as she'd get with just a sink and a towel. She
wandered to the bedroom to say good-bye, fighting off hope as she did so.
"Sands, I'm going now." Please remember me. Please ask where the
hell I think I'm going. Please come back all the way.
Sands lifted his head up off the bed at the sound of
her voice and slowly moved up off the bed to see her off. �What time do you get
off work? Would you like me to pick you up?�
"Oh, don't bother. I'll come back here."
She held out his robe to him.
�Alright. I�ll be expecting
you then, Aida,� he said with a small smile. He took the robe from her and
slowly tugged it around his shoulders. It smelled faintly of her and he found
that oddly comforting.
"You can count on me." Fighting hands that wanted to tremble, she
drew his face down. Softly kissing his
face, she closed her own eyes in pain. "Wait around for me." She
kissed his mouth, cherishing the feeling of his lips against hers.
�I�ll probably be right here where you left me,� he
murmured. �I feel as if I could sleep for a month. I assume I have you to thank
for that?� he asked with a small smile.
I wish. "Of course. I am a dangerous sexual predator. I'm
surprised you didn't know that."
He laughed. �A dangerous sexual predator,� he
repeated. �I�m sure that�s something I won�t be forgetting any time soon.�
"Good." She kissed him again. "I'll be
back."
�I look forward to it, my lady,� he said with a small
bow. �Until we meet again.�
She didn't want to go. She couldn't stay. "Think
about me." Before he could respond to her request, Aida was on her way out
of the house, unable to take any more.
Sands found this a little odd but shrugged and moved to
crawl into bed, his thoughts already filled with images of a mysterious
redheaded beauty who seemed to appear out of no where.
***
Salida glanced up from the tangled mass that was
supposed to be knitting - she was embracing her approaching motherhood with
surprising enthusiasm - when Sands came into the room. Alone.
"Where's your other half?" she asked as she
set about untangling what knots didn't look hopeless.
�Considering that I�ve but known here all of today-or
remembered her in any case-I�d say it�s unfair to call her my other half quite
yet,� Sands murmured with a lazy yawn as he took a seat across from her,
tightening the belt on his robe as he did so.
"Oh my fuck," Salida
said, borrowing one of Jeffery's favorite phrases. "You're serious."
Sands rolled his eyes. �Yes, I�m serious, alright? I
don�t know why you let me get away with drinking myself into a coma, but I
truly don�t remember meeting her. Fortunately, she doesn�t seem to hold it
against me. Sorry if you were hoping not to see her again,� he said dryly.
"She didn't set you straight?" Salida's
mind was boggling. It wasn't entirely pleasant, and that was enough to boggle
her mind...if it weren't already.
�She didn�t set me straight on what? And where the
hell did you get this ring? It�s clearly not fake and
it won�t come off,� Sands muttered, giving another yank on it before giving up
with a sigh of frustration.
"Aida left? While you're fucked up?"
�She had to work,� Sands defended her with a frown.
�And I�m fine. I don�t even have a hangover.�
"Aida doesn't have a job.
And if you don't remember that, you're truly fucked."
�Of course she has a job. She just went to it. Why
would she lie?� Sands asked with a scowl.
"That's something you'll have to ask your wife.
If she comes back that is," Salida mused.
"Did something unusual happen last night?"
Sands ignored the wife comment. It hadn�t been funny
then and it certainly wasn�t funny now. �Let�s see� Sheldon decided to doodle
on my hand and arm with a knife,� he showed her his bandaged left arm and hand,
�and Quentin and Sheldon both went psycho. Quentin�s gone.�
"What made you decide to
go after him?" Salida's eyes were narrowed.
�I don�t---� he faltered and frowned, a headache
coming on again. �What does it matter? It�s always overcrowded in here anyway,�
he muttered, rubbing at the bridge of his nose with pinched fingers.
"Shit," Salida whispered. "He attacked
Aida. That would explain the bruising around her neck. You decided to go after
him, and somehow all your memories of her are gone."
Sands had noticed the bruising, but since she hadn�t
complained about it he just assumed their sex had been on the rougher side.
Maybe she liked being strangled during sex. It wasn�t completely unheard of.
�Bullshit. I don�t know what game you�re playing at, Salida, but I�m not going
to fucking listen to it. Quentin didn�t attack Aida. He probably didn�t even
know her seeing as she thinks you�re my roommate and not Jeffrey�s wife.�
"Your wife is an actress, my friend."
�Oh for
fuck�s sake. Lay off the wife act. I�m not falling for it,� Sands said
irritably.
"The fucking marriage
license in is your sock drawer."
Sands hesitated. Why was she pursuing this? �I-I
don�t believe you.� His argument wasn�t quite as confident as it had been
before.
"Go look then. If I'm
lying there won't be anything for you to find."
Sands didn�t want to look, he didn�t want to
entertain even the faintest glimpse of a notion that she might be telling the
truth, but he had to know. �Fine.� He got up from his
seat and walked back to his bedroom to pull out the aforementioned drawer of
his dresser. At first, he found nothing and he was almost dizzy with relief
that Salida had just been toying with him. But then� Oh god. What is that? Sands reached with
noticeably trembling fingers through the scattered pairs of socks to the
official looking piece of paper at the bottom of the drawer. �Sheldon Jeffrey
Sands and Aida Nicole Grant,� he whispered, reading the names on the marriage
license. �It�s not possible.� He stumbled into the living room and practically
fell into the chair he had earlier been sitting in, the license still clutched
tightly in his hand. �How�why didn�t she tell me? How could this happen?� he
asked distantly, staring at a point over Salida�s shoulder as if it held the
secrets of the universe.
"I'd guess something went very wrong the last
time you popped into your head and Aida had no idea how to handle it. Maybe she
hopes that you'll remember her when she comes back." If she comes back. Salida wouldn't be too surprised if the
other woman took this break for freedom.
�But�she�s my wife? How the fuck could I forget my
own wife? Have we been married long?� He asked desperately.
"Five months, give or take. And I don't know why
you don't remember. Something must have happened while you were fighting
Quentin." Salida thought for a moment. "Did you say you fought with
Sheldon too?"
�Five months,� he gasped, shaken to his core. �I�ve
forgotten five months. Oh god.� He dwelled on this a
moment longer before Salida snapped her fingers in front of his face to get him
to regain focus. �What? Oh. Yes. But I didn�t see him. He was toying with me.�
"Why? What's happened on
that front? Last I heard he was no trouble at all."
�I�I don�t remember that either. Something changed,�
he muttered. �He changed. I did something to him or said something to him to
set him off somehow.�
"How did he change?" None of this sounded good.
�He became vengeful; vindictive. Worse
than the others in a lot of ways. He�s been like that for awhile now. I
remember that at least.�
Salida thought about that as
she unraveled more of her knitting.
�Do you think he could have done this to me?
Does�does Aida know about him? About Jeffrey?�
"She knows more about what
goes on in your head than is healthy for anyone."
�And yet she stays,� Sands
murmured dully.
"She's in love with you.
Also, probably more than is healthy for her."
He laughed bitterly at that. �So, what do you fancy
the chances of her coming back now that she knows I don�t remember her? She�s
finally free. Who wouldn�t want that?�
"Did she say she'd come
back?"
�Yes,� he said softly. �At least, I think she did.
Apparently my memory�s not to be trusted.�
"Well, if she said she'd come back, she will. As
much as I don't particularly care for her, she does tend to keep her word. It's
the reason you're still married."
�Is the only reason?� he asked
softly.
"How should I know? I'm not intimate with the
ins and outs of your marriage. But my impression is that she can't stand the
fact you kill people for fun, but she married you, and she's not one to get
divorced. She's married for good. And she certainly acts as if she loves you.
God knows it's a lot of shit to put up with with
little reward otherwise."
Sands just nodded dully. �I think I�m going to go
back to bed,� he murmured. �Thank you. Thank you for telling me.�
Salida shrugged. "I'm not sure I did you much of a
favor."
�I�m not either,� he muttered, rising to his feet and
walking silently back to his bedroom to hopefully sleep this nightmare away.
***
Aida stood outside her front door, trying to decide
whether or not to go in. It'd been a long day filled with fear, doubt,
irrational anger, and a weariness of spirit. And now at dusk, she didn't think
she could put off going inside any longer. Either Sands would remember and be
worried about her, or he wouldn't...and he'd simply expect her to show up again.
One of their distant neighbors
walked by with their dog. Aida absently responded to their wave, and
steeled herself to step inside. It must look odd, her just standing here. And
she had no desire to draw undue attention to their little home.
The first person who came into view was Salida. She was watching TV and knitting...or unknitting...while
Des slept by her side. She looked up and met Aida's gaze briefly before
turning her eyes back to her show. "He's in your bedroom."
Aida nodded, and walked in that direction, her fear
growing with every step. But she couldn't put this off any longer. Couldn't lie any longer. Couldn't be by herself
with all this any longer.
The bedroom was dark. The only light came from the
fading sun and a small bedside lamp. Sands was seated
on the bed, his back to her, still dressed in his robe. Aida paused in the
doorway, unsure of what to do.
"I'm back." It was
the best she could think of.
�This is yours,� Sands murmured to the room at large.
�Your wedding ring. I found it. You must have left it
in the pocket of my robe when you left this morning.�
"I uh...I wasn't sure what
to do with it...this morning being what it was."
�You could have told me,� Sands said softly, staring
down at the ring he held gently in his hands. He had been staring at if
for�well he wasn�t entirely sure how long it had been but it felt like awhile.
"You didn't remember
-"
"I don't
remember," he growled, standing up to pace. Aida shrank against the
doorframe, unsure of his state of mind, and it didn't escape Sands' notice.
Sands let out a bitter laugh at her reaction, his
restless pacing never stopping. �Why did you even bother to come back if you�re
scared of me? You were free. I didn�t remember you. Our marriage couldn�t have
been valid any longer if I couldn�t even remember it hadn�t taken place. I
don�t know you, Aida. I don�t understand you.�
"Of course our marriage is still valid. It's
just a little...confused right now. But I suppose I at least am used to
that." Gathering her courage, Aida moved into the room. "Do you want
me to be here? If not, I'll just get a few things and find a hotel. I don't
want to make you uncomfortable."
�How the fuck am I supposed to know what I want,
Aida? I had to find out from sunrise, from her,
that I have a wife that I�m somehow too fucked up to even remember! You tell
me. What am I supposed to be feeling right now? Obviously you must have some
idea. Apparently we�ve been married for quite a few months now.�
"Don't get mad at me," she whispered.
"What was I supposed to do? I asked you not to go after Quentin. True, you
didn't seizure at all, but then I couldn't wake you up. And when I did get you to wake up, you thought I
was...that I was just some anonymous woman you'd brought home for the night. I
suppose I should be grateful that I'm not dead now. I understand that's what
happened to most of the women you were so casual with. I didn't know what to
do."
Sands sighed and rubbed a hand across his face
wearily. �I don�t know anything anymore, Aida. I don�t know why this is
happening and I can�t explain it either. I can�t understand why I can remember
everything except you. Well almost everything. There are�.blank spots that give
me migraines even to think about. I can only assume that those are the times
I�ve spent with you.� He shook his head. �Quentin didn�t do this. He was a fool
and I killed him easily.�
"Then what ��
�Sheldon. It has to be
Sheldon,� he interrupted softly, feeling how strange it was to be talking about
such things with this apparent stranger. �He was toying with me. Laughing at me. He�s done this. But�but why would he? Have
you talked to him? Does he know you?�
Aida smiled weakly. "We
talked yesterday. I took away his knives."
�You tried to stop this, I take
it?� he gestured to his wrapped wounds.
She made a small motion with her hands that managed
to express a certain amount of incompetence. "Yeah.
Something like that."
Sands nodded. �Would he do this to me? Would he steal
away my memories of you? Because that seems to be what�s fucking happened. I
remember everything but my apparent association with you,� he murmured.
The irony of that statement hit her with the force of
a bullet to the gut, and she collapsed to the bed, laughing weakly.
Sands scowled, not liking being laughed at by this
practical stranger. It didn�t matter if he was supposed to be married to her.
He didn�t like being fucking laughed at. �Would he do this to me or not?� he
asked again.
"I don't know," she gasped, trying to fight
back tears. "But one of the last things I told you before you went off
after Quentin was to remember me." A bubble of laughter escaped, sounding
more miserable than entertained.
Sands just scowled again and resumed his irritated
pacing. �Then I�ll just have to find him and make him stop this. He can�t do
this to me. I won�t let him.�
Her eyes darted open in alarm.
"Not yet! Don't go yet."
�What? Why not?� he asked, halting
his pacing to stand before her in confusion. �Don�t you want me to
remember you again?�
"Yes." Oh
god yes. Her eyes started to
prick with tears. "But you just tried this this
morning. What if you're weak? We - I - I couldn't stand loosing you." Her
explanation was soft. "I'd rather have to get to know you all over again
than loose you."
�He�s a child,� Sands said distantly, slowly turning
around to look across the room as he spoke. �He�s not real. I should be more
than strong enough to defeat him.�
"You always say that," she whispered to
herself. "And I get to watch the consequences." Two tears traveled down her temples as she
closed her eyes. He would do what he wanted. He always did. Even
when he remembered her.
He heard the hoarse sorrow in her voice and turned
back to face her just in time to see her tears. How could a stranger cry for me? She doesn�t even know me! But�but yes
she does. She�s my wife. �Do you love me? Truly?� he asked evenly, his
voice betraying none of the fear he felt at what her answer might be.
"More than..." she giggled helplessly.
�More than you know. Oh god,"
her giggles turned into sobs as she rolled to hide her face in the mattress.
�Please, please don�t cry, Aida. I�ll wait, alright?
I won�t bring the fight to him until I know I�ll win. Just don�t cry.�
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she gasped as she
tried to grant his request. "I'll stop." She nearly swallowed her
tongue, but she managed.
He shook his head and took a heavy seat on the corner
of the bed, placing his head in his hands. �Hearing you cry�it rips a piece of
me apart that I�m not even sure is really there. Can you understand that at
all? I feel as if I�ve known you my entire life, my body remembers yours, and
yet I look at you and all I see is a beautiful stranger who I�ve but known for
a few hours. It�s�it�s maddening.�
Aida crept forward on the bed until she could wrap
her arms around him from behind.
"It's going to be alright," she assured him as she pressed her
cheek to his back. "I promise. Even if you never remember, we'll work
things out."
�I try to remember; I try to remember our life
together but all I�m met with is pain and darkness.� He rubbed at his temples
as another headache lanced through his mind.
"Don't strain," she murmured, brushing
aside his hair so she could gently rub the nape of his neck. "It'll be
alright. Everything will be alright." The pressure of her hand increased
when he didn't shy away from her touch.
�Why is he doing this to me? I don�t�I can�t remember
what started this. He wasn�t like this before. He wasn�t�vengeful,� Sands
muttered, trying to take a measure of strength and comfort from this beautiful
stranger though his mind and heart were of different opinions as to whether or
not he should.
"You punished him because he attacked me,"
she said softly. "You showed him what happened to your parents."
�Oh. And that pushed him over the edge. That wasn�t
the brightest thing I could have done,� he muttered to himself with a sigh.
�Thank you�for explaining it to me.�
"It's the least I can
do," she murmured.
�What�what do we do now?� he asked softly. �I guess�I
could take you out to dinner like I said I would earlier. That is, if you want
to.�
"Would you like to? Or
would you rather I fix something and we stay here and talk?"
�That would probably be easier.� He didn�t really
feel like having the conversation that he knew they needed to have in public
anyway.
"Alright." Aida
softly kissed the back of his neck, then climbed off
the bed. "It won't take long to make some dinner."
�I should probably get dressed then,� he murmured,
his fingers moving to touch the place she had kissed him as if he didn�t fully
believe such a thing had taken place.
"If you
wish." She gave him a soft,
wistful smile, then left the room.
No, he didn�t really wish. The only thing he wished
right now was to curl up in a dark corner and either remember everything or
forget everything. Either option was preferable to this. This was a bitter
half-life that he had quickly grown to hate. His moments were filled with
frustrations at his lack of memory; at his inability to make sense of the last
5 months. He wanted to tear that little bastard Sheldon limb from limb and he
would, but not now. Now he would try and make sense of this nightmare. Now he
would have dinner with a wife he had never known.
When he finally appeared in the kitchen, Aida was
halfway to getting their meal prepared. There were rolls in the oven, pasta and
a white sauce simmering on a back burner, chicken saut�ing, and a green salad
already set aside in a bowl.
Aida glanced at him over her shoulder and gave him
what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "Give me another fifteen minutes or
so and dinner will be done."
�I didn�t bother getting dressed as you�ve no doubt
noticed,� Sands said, taking a seat at the table and looking out the window as
he spoke. �A tad informal I know but I figure that since you�re my wife and we
woke up naked together this morning I figure you�ve seen all I have to offer,�
he muttered bitterly. �Nevermind. I shouldn�t snap at
you. This isn�t your fault.�
"It's alright. You're frustrated." His
words hurt, but she was determined to be as pleasant as she could be.
Especially since there was no guarantee that he'd get his memories back.
�Granted, but I�m still sorry,�
he said softly, turning his attention back to her.
"I can be patient, my love." Aida wondered
if that was the right thing to say, but forged ahead since she couldn't take
the words back. "I'm not going to leave just because you occasionally snap
at me." If I were, I would have
already.
�Patient, right. Maybe you
can teach me that,� he said wistfully. �For I�m clearly going
to drive myself to madness if I keep trying to remember what simply isn�t there
to remember.�
Aida didn't reply. She just finished cooking their
meal. Then in a repetition of the night before, she served up both plates when
she noticed that Sands was consumed with gazing out the window, his mind
clearly elsewhere. She'd returned with the salad, bread, a pitcher of iced tea,
and taken her seat before her presence registered on his mind.
He heard her seat creak as she sat in and turned to
face her, his eyes clearing of whatever thoughts he had been having. �Thank you
for dinner,� he murmured looking over it but not moving to eat any of it. �I�m
a miserable cook. But you probably know that.�
"You're not too bad when you know what you're
doing. I've made you help me on occasion. It gets rid of Jeffrey, for one
thing."
She was rewarded with a small smile and a movement
from him in the direction of his dinner for that. �No, I don�t imagine he�d
like to help you in the kitchen any. Do you two get along?� he asked curiously,
taking a piece of bread and nibbling on a corner of it mindlessly as he waited
for her answer.
She shrugged. "We get along well enough. Not that he hasn't been tempted to violence once or twice.
But you and he have an understanding. If he gets Salida, then you get me."
�You make it sound as if the
whole thing was arranged. It wasn�t�was it?�
"No. You quite literally bumped into me by
accident. You were leaving your hotel in New Orleans; I was on my way to work.
I was knocked down. You were enough of a gentleman to not only give me a hand
up, but to get me a taxi so I wouldn't be late."
�Where do you work? Sunrise said you were an actress.
Is that true?� Sands asked between bites of the chicken alfredo she had made for them.
"Yes." Her eyes focused on the past.
"We were putting on a production of 'The Taming of the Shrew.' You stuck
around for my dress rehearsal then took me out for dinner."
He didn�t remember any of this. Nothing
at all. �And then what happened?� His appetite faded as he asked.
"We went back to my apartment. You spent part of
the night with me, but then had to go which was just as well since I had to get
to work pretty early."
He nodded and set his fork down gently. He truly did
appreciate the meal she had made for him but he could eat none of it now. �Tell
me about yourself, please. You know everything about me and yet I am forced to
start from the beginning again,� he murmured softly.
Aida took a sip of her tea. "That's the one
question guaranteed to clam anyone
up. What is it about me you'd like to know?"
He sighed. �Tell me what makes you happy,� he tried
after a long silence. �Tell me why you married me.� He frowned, a bitter
thought occurring to him. �Did you know what I was before you did it?�
"Yes. On the second day that
we met." With a deep sigh, Aida thought about his other questions.
"Why did I marry you?" His eyes met hers
with a painful intensity as she tried to give him the answers he sought.
"We got married five days after we met. I knew from the start that...you've
laughed at me for believing this...but I felt that we just belonged together. That fate had brought us face to face and I'd be
an idiot to throw that away. And we needed each other. You couldn't stand being
alone a minute longer. I needed someone to take care of me."
He nodded slowly, soaking all
of this in. �You haven�t told me what makes you happy.�
She shrugged. "Happiness is so very real, but at the same time it isn't.
What makes a person happy once, might not make them
happy again. I don't know how to easily answer your question. But I suppose I
could speak in generalities." Aida started to shred a piece of bread crust
as she gathered her thoughts. "Being with you usually makes me happy. Just being with you.
Lying in bed at night and listening to you breathe. Spending
an afternoon with you going shopping, or sightseeing. Convincing
you to be playful. Giving you another cooking lesson.
Watching TV while you read the paper and the cats are around us." She
shrugged again. "I also like to read. Go beachcombing. Spend a blustery
day flying a kite." Her eyes rose from her plate to meet his gaze.
"I'm a relatively simple woman. What you see is generally what you get.�
�Since my sight of you is all I have at the moment
that is something I will choose to be grateful for, Aida.� He sighed. �I don�t
know what else to ask so I think it�s best I just leave it at that for now.� He
pushed away his food and turned his attention back out the window briefly.
�Thank you for dinner but I�m just not feeling very hungry right now.�
"You should eat something. Unless
you ate earlier today? Because you didn't eat much
last night either."
He shook his head. He hadn�t done much of anything
today except struggle with his lack of memories. �I�ll eat something later.
I�ll be alright.�
"If you're sure then."
Aida was hungry even if Sands wasn't. But she ate quickly and started to clean
the kitchen when Sands didn't show any inclination to get up from the table.
�Sorry. It looks good and everything, but I�m afraid
my appetite has summarily vanished,� he muttered. �I think I�m going to go
outside and have a cigarette or something. You�re welcome to join me if you
wish.�
"Go on
outside. I'll join you once I'm done in here."
He nodded and rose to his feet, tightening his robe
around him as he wandered into the bedroom to grab his cigarettes and lighter.
He sighed a little as he came back into the kitchen
and looked at her, but eventually went outside without comment.
Aida cleaned up and put away the leftovers as fast as
she could, leaving a note on the fridge about what
she'd made in case Salida wandered out and wanted something to eat. With that
done, she grabbed a shawl and went outside and took a seat next to her husband
on the porch swing.
Sands looked up as the balance of the swing was
interrupted by her weight and blew a stream of smoke in the opposite direction.
Cigarettes for dinner wasn�t exactly the healthiest thing he could have chosen,
but that was all he could stand right now. Well that and a large glass of
something dizzyingly alcoholic. �Hi,� he murmured.
"Hello." Moving slowly, Aida curled one arm
through his and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Do you mind?"
�I suppose not. Especially when it feels like you
belong there,� Sands said with a touch of bitterness in his voice as he took
another drag on his cigarette.
"I do. This is right where
I belong."
He nodded with a sigh. �Despite my lack of memory on
the matter I�m inclined to agree with you.� His voice was as calm and even as
he could manage it, but his mind was racing and his body wanted to follow. He
felt about ready to climb the walls in his frustration and desperation but he
did not move from her side.
"You're so tense,"
she murmured. "I'm sorry you have to go through this."
He nodded in response to her comment. �It�s not the
worst thing that could have happened to me although it�s close.�
"You're right. At least you're alive. And you're
not alone." She swallowed. "I'm sorry I left earlier. I shouldn't
have done that."
He shrugged. �It doesn�t matter
now.�
She shook her head. "You're wrong. It does
matter. Unlike you, I can't comfort myself when I make a mistake by simply
saying that I didn't know any better. I know how you feel about being left
alone. I know it's the one thing you hate above anything else. I shouldn't have
left you."
He was silent for a long time. �No, you shouldn�t
have,� he said at last. He was in no mood to sugarcoat the truth, even for his
supposed wife. �I didn�t know what to fucking think. I didn�t know if I was
finally losing what tenuous hold on reality I had left. All I had was Salida�s
word against yours. I didn�t know what to think, Aida,� he said again softly.
�And I didn�t have anyone to ask; no one to go to for reassurance. I didn�t
have anyone. So I simply sat in the darkness of my room and was quiet. I didn�t
bother anyone. I didn�t ask questions. I simply waited for you to come back. If
you hadn�t come back, I would probably be waiting there even now.�
"I'm so sorry," she
whispered again. "I won't leave you again."
He gave her a slight shrug. He would choose to
believe her. He didn�t want to go through the misery of waiting and not knowing
again.
"I know this is a strange question to ask, but
can I have my wedding ring back? I feel naked without it."
He nodded slowly and removed it from his pocket,
gently taking her left hand in his before she pulled it back and gave him her
right. He sent her a confused frown but put it on her right ring finger as she
wanted.
"Jeffrey and Salida have their tattoos on their left
hands," she explained softly. "Since covering up Jeffrey's tattoo
would be nearly be considered an act of war, we
decided to wear our rings on our right hands. Especially since it doesn't
matter which hand we keep our rings
on. Only that we wear them."
�It makes sense,� he agreed softly. He should have
noticed that his own wedding ring was on his right hand, but he had been trying
to put it out of his mind all day. �Will you tell me about our wedding?�
"There's not much to tell. Once we'd decided to get
married, we didn't see any reason to wait. So we went to the courthouse and saw
a judge the same day you asked me to marry you. He performed the ceremony, and
that was that. Afterwards, we stopped by a jewelry store so I could buy you a
ring, and then we consummated the marriage in a nearby park, underneath a huge
weeping willow."
�I wish I could remember that,� he said softly. �Any of it.� He didn�t need to remember the place of the
ceremony, the name of the judge or even the sex, but at least it would have
been something.
"There's a picture
somewhere."
�Really? I would like to see
that. Maybe it would make all of this seem more real,� he paused and took in
how that must sound. �I didn�t mean that. Of course it�s real for you��
"You don't have to explain."
She squeezed his arm and got up. "I'll be right back."
He nodded and settled to wait in a clear mixture of
something akin to fear and anticipation. He didn�t take the time apart to pace
however; he merely lit another cigarette and stayed where he was; the rocking
of the swing back and forth quickly the only true outward sign of his near
jumpiness.
Good to her word, Aida reappeared not two minutes
later, a picture frame in her hands.
Taking a seat - after first stilling the swing's frantic motion - she
handed it over, wondering what he would see. Her hair was long and
uncontrollable in the picture. And lighter. Her fear about the coloring had
come true - her hair was growing in darker than it had been before the chemo.
He looked at it with a curious tilt of his head. �We
look happy,� he said after a moment�s contemplation. It was real. She was
really his wife. His mind reeled at the concept.
"It was our wedding day.
What reason would we have to be unhappy?"
�None, I guess. I suppose I�m more surprised by the
fact that I look happy. It�s not an expression I see often in the mirror,� he
mused to himself.
"I make you happy."
�Apparently so,� he said
softly.
Her lips
quirked. "Well...at least I try. And I usually win."
He turned to look at her then after throwing his
cigarette butt out into the grass. �I�m glad,� he answered her with a ghost of
a smile.
Aida's smile grew as she reached out to stroke his
cheek. "Other than your Aida-nesia, how do you
feel?"
�Aida-nesia?� he asked with
a raised eyebrow. �I feel�exhausted,� he murmured, unconsciously leaning into
her hand. �I feel as if the world I�ve known doesn�t make any sense anymore.
I�m frustrated and bitter and I just want it all to stop.�
"Let's put you to bed then. Getting some sleep
seems like a better option that 'making it all stop.'"
He shook his head. �Not yet. As tired as I might be,
I don�t look forward to the dreams I�m sure to be gifted with tonight.� He
could imagine it clearly; being kept from a restful sleep by dreams of memories
which he can�t hold on to; nightmares of moments that he may never recapture.
"I said 'let's put you to
bed.' Not, 'let's go to sleep,'" Aida murmured.
�Technicalities,� he muttered in response but sighed
in acquiescence. �Alright. Bed it is then.�
Aida tenderly led her husband inside, stripping him
of his robe and tucking him into his side of the bed before changing into her
pajamas. She left a light burning as she climbed into bed next to him.
"There. This is cozy. It was getting cool outside. It's nearly fall
already."
�I�ve always liked fall,� he offered as they lay next
to each other in bed as husband and wife. �Winter as well. The world decays
around us through fall only to be renewed through the stark purity of winter.�
He made a face at the almost-poetry of the statement.
"I know you like cold weather." Aida moved
over until she could rest her head on his chest. "And I suppose I can't
complain. It just means that I need to stick closer to you."
Sands had been about to respond to that when a fiery
bolt of pain raced through his mind, causing him to arch off the bed with a
hoarse cry. His eyes clamped shut but tears of pain leaked out the corners and
down the sides of his head as his features contorted in a rictus of agony.
Memories came flooding back. Memories of her�memories of her hate, of her
betrayal, or her lies. She didn�t love him. She loved no one but herself. She
had had affairs and yet he had stayed with her. She had loved Quentin and hated
him. She only remained with him for his money and he was too weak to push her
away even though he knew it. She thought him a monster and wasted no time in
telling him this at least once every day they were together. She treated him as
her slave and took what she wanted from his body, not caring about him in the
least. He would have just killed her long ago for such an affront to his entire
being, but he couldn�t do it. His life had become entwined with hers and he
knew that even as horrid as their relationship undoubtedly was, he couldn�t get
out of it. He couldn�t bring himself to go back to the way things had been
before for being alone was surely worse than this. Or at least, that�s what he
told himself at night. He shuddered out of her touch, trying not to let the
absolute disgust and revulsion he felt for her show on his face. God he wished
he had just stayed ignorant; that he had never remembered the pain she had
caused him.
"Sands?"
Concerned, Aida sat up in bed. "What's wrong?" His eyes were wide and dilated, his breath
coming in harsh gasps. "Sands?" Oh god. Her hand reached out to touch
his brow but he batted it away, his eyes suddenly coming to focus on her.
�Do not
touch me,� he hissed. �We may be married but that does not mean that I am going
to sit idly by and listen to your silver-tongued lies. I remember, Aida. I
remember everything. So you might as well drop the little-miss-perfect act for
I�m not falling for it any longer. If you want my body, so be it. If you want
my money, fine take it. But do not presume that you can take my love. It will
never be yours.�
Aida just blinked at him. "What are you talking
about?" she whispered. "I don't understand -"
�Do not bother to play
innocent,� he interrupted coldly. �It doesn�t suit you.�
"I'm not playing. I want
to understand. You say you remember everything -"
�Oh I do. And god how I wish I didn�t. You are a
twisted and vile woman, Aida. We are suitably matched, I think. Although I
would never toy with my worse enemy like you toy with me. I do have some sense
of honour,� he said in disgust.
"I haven't toyed with you, Sands." Aida
felt she was drowning. Obviously something had happened, some kind of mental
shift had taken place. But that didn't shield her from the hurt he was causing.
"I love you."
He laughed bitterly. �I�d like to believe that, you
know I would. Which is why you say it so often to such
effect. But you don�t love me. In my more self-deluding of moments I
allow myself to believe that maybe, just maybe you loved me when we were
married, but in the light of day I don�t allow myself to believe it. I must
congratulate you, Aida. You have learned how to use and manipulate me
beautifully. You�re able to take whatever you wish from me secure in the
knowledge that I can never leave you. I�m surprised you haven�t tried to collar
me as your plaything yet. I�m sure we would both enjoy it,� he said bitterly.
Aida bit her lip and held her head up. "I don't
know why you believe what you're saying, but you can stop now. You won't drive
me away. I gave you my word that I wouldn't leave until you remember
everything." She climbed out of bed. "Will you at least take care of
yourself and get some sleep?"
�What does it matter? If I were to waste away sure,
you�d lose your willing toy, but you�d stand to inherit at least half of my
fortune. It�s a wonder you haven�t tried to kill me yet.� Aida was shocked to
see a hint of longing in his eyes as he said that, as if he wished she would
just kill him and end this charade.
"The only thing that's a wonder is that I
haven't slapped you yet, but I think you're silly enough without me adding to
it." She looked away. "Please. Get some sleep. If
not for me then for yourself."
�I hate you, madam,� he hissed.
�Save your sympathy.�
"I love you, sir. I'll be
on the couch if you need me."
Sands just snorted and turned his back to ignore her.
He would not sleep, but at least he was out of her clutches for a little while.
***
Sands lay in almost absolute wakefulness through the
night as he had expected, alternatingly staring up at
the ceiling and getting up to pace the room. �Bitch,� he murmured to himself,
thinking back on the events of the evening. He had wanted so badly to believe
that her love was genuine; that she truly cared for him. It was clear now that
she didn�t. �I bet she�s fucking laughing at me now,� he whispered to himself
with a dark scowl on his face. �She�s broken the fucking serial killer. I hope
she�s fucking proud of herself.� Memories filled his waking moments, memories
of her teasing him, calling him weak. Memories of himself
telling her to stop, telling her that he loved her, and her only laughing in
return. And oh how she must be angry with him now that he had killed her
lover Quentin. He didn�t understand why she was waiting to punish him but he
knew it was coming. She was probably just toying with him more, making him
wonder if she was going to hurt him at all. She was good at that; good at using
her supposed innocence to trick him into underestimating her. As often as he
told himself that she cared for no one but herself, he fell for her act every
single time. She was indeed a brilliant actress. Salida had tried to warn him
of that once but he hadn�t listened.
�She hates you,
you know. She�s never loved you. She never loved any of us,� Sheldon
whispered within his mind. Sheldon, who had been his only
ally in all of this. He had at first been fooled like Sands himself had
by her act, but they had both quickly seen through it. Sheldon had tried to
protect him; tried to get rid of Aida, but in the end Sands had been too weak
to go through with it. For as much as he hated her, he knew he couldn�t live
without her and he wasn�t ready to give into death quite yet.
�Kill her. It
doesn�t matter if you die too. At least you will die free,� Sheldon
continued. �She doesn�t deserve to live.
She�s a liar and liars must be punished. Punish her, Sands. Show her that you
don�t have to listen to her any more. She�s not your mother.�
�But she�s my wife��
�Do it! Do it
now!� Sheldon screamed, causing Sands to clasp his hands to his head to
drown out Sheldon�s screaming rage. He would do it. What other choice did he
have? This wasn�t life. This was slavery and if the only freedom from her was
death then so be it. �She�s in the other room, asleep. Go to her. Kill her. Free yourself,� Sheldon cheered as Sands moved out of bed to
find his wife.
Aida had been unable to fall asleep. Not that she hadn't tried. Anything was better than
remembering her husband's sneering face as he told her that try as she might,
he'd never love her. She wished that he remembered nothing still. At least then
he'd allowed her to comfort herself with his presence. At least he hadn't
spoken to her in a voice loaded with hate. At least she'd had some value in his
eyes.
Tossing on the couch, she tried to sleep. The baby
needed her to. Her mind wouldn't let go of the hope that perhaps she'd wake up
in the morning and all of this trouble would be gone. That somehow Sands would
snap back to himself. True, she'd probably have to deal with the depths of his
depression then - if he remembered how he'd treated her and what he'd said to
her - but at least he'd be himself. And she knew how to deal with her Sands. It was the rest of them that
were a mystery.
Stop. Just stop
thinking about it, Aida Nicole, she told herself as she thumped her pillow
a few times. You'll face it. You always
do. Was it just yesterday afternoon that he'd called her his brave wife?
She didn't feel brave. She felt scared, and uncertain, and lost, and angry.
Yes. Angry. Angry at Quentin, or
Sheldon, or whoever had stolen Sands' memories from him. Who'd stolen
her from him. They'd certainly known where to hit to
do the most damage.
In the middle of her tossing and turning, Aida heard
the door of the study creak open. Or perhaps it was a loose floorboard. Or
perhaps she hadn't heard anything at all and she'd simply seen the light in the
room increase by a miniscule amount. Whatever had tipped her off had her body
thrumming with energy though, some sixth sense making the hairs along her arms
and the back of her neck stand on end.
Turning over, Aida was startled to find her husband -
or something in the shape of her husband - hovering over her. "Sands?"
�Yes Aida, it�s me,� he said in a curiously calm and
even voice that sent her heart racing. He took a step towards her and she could
see that his body was set in tension and his face was a mask of hatred. �We�ve
come to a decision, Sheldon and I. We�ve decided to be free of you.�
She started to edge into an upright position,
nervously wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue. "I don't suppose
that means you want a divorce."
He laughed at that and it was clear he was dancing on
the razor�s edge between hysteria and utter insanity. Falling off either side
would not bode well for her. �No, I suppose not. Once upon a time I might have
let you get away with that. But that was then. That was before you decided that
you could control me; that you could use me in whatever manner you saw fit. You
don�t deserve anything but a slow death from me right now and so that is what I
am going to give you. I�ve no doubt seeing you die will kill me as well, but
I�d gladly face death to get away from you.� He took a large menacing step
towards her and she saw the knife in his hand. �Please scream for me. It�ll
make this ever so much more fun.� He lunged at her.
Aida threw herself off the couch and managed to get a
few feet between them.
"Sands...don't you remember? Don't you remember the baby? I thought
you wanted it. Your child."
�Why would I want any child of yours? So I could
watch you twist it to hate me? So you can use it against me at every turn? No.
I�d rather kill you both.�
"If you're going to kill me," she tried to
reason, "why not wait? Wait until
the baby is born. Then kill me." Unconsciously, one arm moved to wrap
around her stomach while she held the other out in supplication. "Please,
Sands. It's your flesh and blood inside me."
He growled in hatred and frustration but he forced
himself to see the logic in her plea. He would have an heir. He would have
someone to mould and teach. He would be rid of her. �You will never get to see
your child. You will be dead the moment it leaves your womb,� he hissed in
promise. �I swear it to you.�
She nodded slowly. "Alright."
He shook his head in abject disgust. �I can�t stand
the sight of you. God I fucking hate you. Your child is your stay of execution,
nothing more. If you weren�t pregnant right now I�d kill you without a second
thought.�
"And you'd regret it in the morning," she
whispered to herself as she turned her back on him, shivering with cold.
�Morning wouldn�t come. Congratulations. You should
be proud of yourself. You�ve managed to break me. There are a few who have
tried and died but only you have truly managed it. The moment the breath left
your body I�d locate my gun and eat a bullet. For you.
For love,� he said bitterly. �A true murder/suicide.
Maybe if we�re lucky Salida will kill herself too. Just think of the
headlines.�
She looked up at him, alarmed. "No. You can't.
You can't kill yourself." Her concern had her slipping into the role he'd
crafted for her. A cold smile came to her lips as her heart thundered with
fear. "You can't kill yourself without giving me the ultimate victory. I
thought you'd fight a bit more."
�Shut your mouth,� Sands hissed, his fingers going
white as he gripped the hilt of his knife tightly.
She ignored him, turning her back once more. Her
shoulders were tensed, waiting for a blow she knew
would come eventually. "Tell me. What are you going to do with me for the
next seven or eight months? I notice we're short a tower and a dungeon. We
don't even have a decent wine cellar."
�There are ways to enslave a person without chains.
You should know. You�ve been fucking doing it to me for months.� He gripped the
blade even tighter, his arm twitching toward her. It would be so easy� just a
quick jab between her ribs and she would be gone and he would be free�.
"I haven't done anything you didn't want me
to." The words escaped on a breath,
barely audible to Aida herself.
�Liar!� he shouted. �I didn�t want any of this! I
didn�t deserve any of it! I�ve done all that you�ve asked of me and you�ve
given me nothing but pain in return!�
And I haven't
received my fair share of pain? A choked sound escaped her, which she
quickly muffled with one trembling hand.
�What? Nothing to say for yourself?
No pithy reasoning about how I wanted it? How I wanted the pain you inflicted?
How I�m nothing but a monster anyway without feelings to be hurt? Go on. I�d
love to hear it all.�
"Why are you lying to me? Why bother now? You
don't want to hear anything I have to say. You just want an excuse to hurt
me."
�Then give me an excuse,� he said darkly moving so
that he was practically standing on top of her.
"No. If I've never made anything easy for you
before, why should I start now? Let it be on your own conscience."
�I don�t have a fucking conscience,� he seethed.
Before she could steady herself, he had slapped her hard across the face,
forcing her to lose her balance and fall to the floor. �Get up,� he said coldly.
�I�m not through with you yet.�
"No," she whispered,
looking up at him.
�I said, get
up,� he hissed, grabbing her by the arm and forcibly yanking her to her
feet. There were tears in her eyes but to her credit she didn�t let a single
one fall. �Do you like being pushed around? Are you justified in your treatment
of me now that you�re a battered woman? I don�t particularly like hitting women
but you do so bring out the best in me, don�t you?� He transferred his knife
back into his good hand and placed the tip of it on the tender flesh of her
collar. �Say that you�re mine to do with as I wish and I may be persuaded to
show you mercy.�
The words choked her, but she managed to get them
out. "I-I'm yours to do with...to do with as you wish," she
whispered, her gazed fastened on a point past his shoulder. And I love you.
He nodded, visibly pleased. Before she could hope to
guess his intentions he had grabbed her even more tightly and had drawn an �S�
into her skin with the tip of the blade. It wasn�t deep, but it bled like hell.
He traced a finger across the bloodied mark and brought it to his lips. �You
are thusly marked.�
Her collar throbbed with pain, but Aida just bit her
lip and continued staring at nothing.
She wouldn't cry out. She wouldn't. Maybe if he didn't know how much she
hurt, he wouldn't feel so bad when he snapped out of this. And he would snap out of it. She had to believe
that.
�Get out of my sight. I don�t care where you go, just
leave,� he growled, taking a seat in a nearby chair.
Released, Aida had to fight to keep herself from
running to the door. And once she was there, she had to fight to keep herself
from showing all that fear. "Will you sleep?" she asked, her voice a
soft whisper. She knew that all he'd be able to see of her was her back, a
black silhouette outlined in the doorway. What she didn't know was if he'd take
care of himself or not. Aida hated herself for caring, but she did. How could
she not when she knew that her true husband was lost? When she knew she had to
make sure he had a body to come back to?
�No,� he said evenly. At the moment he was far too
aroused at what he had done to her to sleep at all. He would have taken her;
would have used her to slake his lust as she had used him in the past, but he
wouldn�t do that. That was one place he would not go.
"Will you eat something?
There're leftovers in the fridge."
�No,� he said again and Aida was certain he was
saying it just to spite her. �Stop pretending like you care and just go.�
"Yes, sir," she murmured, finally giving
into her urge to flee. Once in what had been their happy bedroom, she locked
the door behind her and bundled herself in the blankets, finally free to let
the shivers overtake her.
***
It was barely past sunrise when Sands decided that
the night had lasted long enough. He had been miserable throughout the night,
unwilling to give himself the pleasure his body so desperately cried out for.
That would be acknowledging her power over him and he wouldn�t allow himself
that. He stalked to the bedroom with a scowl, his naked flesh chilled by the
cool air of the morning and shivering slightly in a mixture of arousal and the
cold. He reached the bedroom door resolved to give her a piece of mind when he
found it locked. He was already close to the breaking point and this simple act
of rebellion was enough to tip the scales. �Open this fucking door right now or
by god I swear I�ll break it down and make you pay for keeping me out,� he
seethed through the shut door. Aida had better be awake to hear him or there
would be hell to pay.
Aida was shocked out of the dreamless sleep of the
exhausted by a loud bang. She jerked upright in the bed, her body light-years
ahead of her mind. She felt every ache from the night before, but wasn't sure
of the cause. Then there was another BANG!
and the bedroom door flew open.
Sands! From
the black look on his face, Aida knew her hopes had been...hopeless. Her
husband still hadn't come back to her.
�Why did you lock me out, Aida?� he asked evenly,
stalking towards her, malice clear in every muscle of his lean form. �Don�t you
trust me?�
"Should I?" She tried
to scramble from the bed but got caught in the sheets.
�I�m your husband. Surely you�re supposed to trust
me,� he offered, moving closer towards her still like a predator that had
caught sight of his prey.
"Then I guess you have your answer." She
ripped the sheets away from her body and put the bed between them.
�I trusted you. I trusted you to love me. We both
know how well-placed that trust was,� he growled, pressing against the edge of
the bed. This was exhilarating and not a little arousing. She was blind if she
didn�t see how his chasing her affected him.
"I do
love you." Her voice was agonized. "What do I have to do to prove
it?"
�Show me,� he said without hesitation.
"I have. I don't know what
else I can do."
�Give me pleasure with the pain for once,� he said
darkly. �Prove to me that I�m worth more that what you use me for.�
"No." She shook her head. "I won't...I
won't make a mockery of love. I share a bed and my body with you because I love you. Not because we have to prove
something to the other. I won't degrade our love - my love," she corrected
herself.
�How noble,� he hissed. �I�m especially amused that
you don�t seem to take any of this into account as you ask the same from me. I
have given you everything I have and it�s never enough for you, is it? Well it
ends here.�
"If I didn't love you, the only times we would
have been together would have been if you forced me. The fact that you
haven't,"-yet-"ought to
speak for itself."
�Keep trying my patience and we�ll see if I can�t
work to remedy that,� he hissed. It was an empty threat however. He loved her
too much to ever do that to her. He loved her and he couldn�t leave her. He was
as controlled by her now as had ever been. While the thought might have angered
him earlier, at this moment it filled him with nothing except a strong sense of
worthlessness and hopelessness. �Just leave me alone.�
"You're the one that came to me, Sands,"
she reminded him gently. "Please...you look exhausted. You have circles
under your eyes. Let me help you sleep. Let me give you a massage, get you a
cup of warm milk, sing you a lullaby. I promise we can continue this discussion
when you wake, but please take care
of yourself."
He shook his head. �I�ll leave then. I already told
you I don�t want your false pity or sympathy. It was better when we just
ignored each other. But I do seem to suffer so beautifully, don�t I?�
Was she the only one that noticed his waver as he
shook his head? "Please. Just lie down for awhile. I promise to be
good."
�Why are you doing this to me? Why even pretend
anymore? You�ve beaten me, alright? Last night was nothing. I�m yours as I�ve
always been. But please, spare me the cruelty of your false kindness. Isn�t my
obedience enough? Just stop. Please stop.�
"It's not false." She laughed despairingly.
"Am I the only one who sees that you're about ready to drop to the floor?
I understand that you want to punish me, but why take that out on
yourself?"
�If I�m going to drop then just let me drop,� he said
wearily. He could feel that her words were true, he had never felt more
exhausted in all his life, but he couldn�t give in to her.
"If I promise to leave you
alone, will you take a nap?"
�No,� he said stubbornly.
Aida took a weary seat on the edge of the bed.
"What do you want from me? What promise will you force me to make? What
will it take for you to take care of yourself? Obviously I don't care what
happens to myself. Just tell me what I have to do to
convince you that I'm not worth starvation and sleep-deprivation?"
In truth, his last argument had been little more than
pretense. He could already feel his body beginning to say, �Fuck this. You
don�t want to sleep? We�ll make you sleep.� He sank to his knees as his legs
gave out on him but he still managed to send a glare in her direction. �Leave
me alone,� he gasped.
"Alright." Fighting the impulse to pull the covers over
him, Aida quietly left the room, counting the minutes before she could return.
Someone had a lot to answer for. And once Sands was asleep, she was determined
to get those answers.
Sands still fought sleep stupidly, but he didn�t hold
out for long. Not when he could barely keep his eyes open or steady a thought
in his pounding head. Sleep stole over him in mere seconds.
Aida waited, though it was the hardest thing she'd
ever done. She made breakfast. She choked down that breakfast. She showered.
She dressed.
She inched onto the bed her oblivious husband lay on
and very quietly murmured a name.
"Sheldon.
Sheldon, please wake up. I need to talk to you."
The form on the bed didn�t seem to stir, but Aida
could have sworn she saw Sands� features twitch in awareness.
"Sheldon,
please. I just want to talk to
you. I think you owe me that much."
Sheldon�s eyes opened slowly and although they were
just as fogged with exhaustion as Sands had been, they were also filled with
malicious mischief as he looked at her.
"Why?" she asked, all
her torment and anguish expressed in that one word. "Why?"
�Because it�s fun,� Sheldon
answered simply.
"It's fun to watch me die piece by piece? It's
fun to know that when I do die, that
Sands will kill you both? I don't understand, Sheldon."
�I don�t care if he kills us. Mother is gone. Father
is gone. My home is gone. I have nothing left.�
"You had me," she
whispered. "You can still have me."
�I don�t want you,� he hissed. �You don�t care about
me. You don�t love me. You lied to me. That�s all you�ve ever done. Why
shouldn�t I make you suffer?�
"I did what I thought was best," she said
slowly and quietly. "I didn't want you to be hurt. I didn't know how to tell you the truth. But
I was honest in everything else but the facts of the past. I never hated you. I
never found you annoying. I never made jokes about you. I defended you when I
could. I told Sands to leave you alone because you were just a child. That you were innocent. Harmless."
�I don�t care what you thought about me. You betrayed
me. You knew he would hurt me and you did nothing to stop it. Well now he�s
hurting you and I�m not going to stop him.�
"Tell me how I could have stopped him, Sheldon.
What was it that I didn't do? I refused to tell him what he wanted to know -
who had left a ring of bruises around my neck. Who had scared me? I didn't
tell. He threatened to kill everyone - including you - and I pleaded with him
to change his mind. I told him it would never happen again. That it was my fault and that I would be more
careful in the future. That he didn't need to do anything. He didn't listen. He
just said that he'd start killing. That it didn't matter, that he should have
done that a long time ago. So yes, I told him. But I didn't think he'd do what
he did. I thought he'd just warn you not to hurt me. Ever.
But even if I thought he'd do otherwise, how could I have stopped him? How?"
�It doesn�t matter, Miss Aida. You didn�t stop him
and now he won�t stop me. He listens to me. He doesn�t like you anymore. He
doesn�t love you. He knows what you�ve done; knows that you�re a liar.�
"Like you?" she whispered, then she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I won't
hate you either. Go ahead and tell him whatever you want. I'll still love you both."
�I don�t believe you,� he said
wearily. �You don�t love me.�
I'm not going
to convince him. "I do. But I can't let you win either. I won't let
Sands kill me." Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes. "If he
wants children, there's always Salida's babies."
Glancing about, Aida spotted Sands' knife. She picked it up with a small smile.
"Tell him that I did love him, very much. And then tell him that if he
ever loved me - even for a split second - that he'll be a father to his
children." Aida slowly got off the bed. "Good-bye, Sheldon. I'm sorry
it had to end this way."
�No. Don�t-don�t do that,� Sheldon whispered
desperately, somehow pushing himself up off the bed despite his bone-deep
weariness. �You can�t. You mustn�t play with knives, Miss Aida. They�re unsafe
and you�ll be punished.�
"I'll be dead," she said gently. "It's
the only way to keep you both safe." I
hope.
�Please don�t say that, Miss
Aida. I-I don�t want you to die,� Sheldon pleaded with her.
"You don't? Then why torture me? You won't be
able to control Sands forever. Sooner or later his temper will get the best of
him and he'll kill me, whether you want him to or not. And then he'll kill himself." She
stroked his cheek. "Just remember to give him my message. Maybe then
you'll both live." With that encouraging thought, she left the room,
heading for the bathroom and a warm bath.
Sheldon followed her. He didn�t think he�d manage
after his first unsteady step after her, but he had to. He could sleep later.
�Please don�t die, Miss Aida. I�d miss you if you were dead. I�ll be good, I
promise. I just don�t want you to die,� he pleaded as he came to the bathroom
door, leaning heavily on it.
Aida didn't answer. She didn't
believe him.
With hands that trembled, she turned on the water and
plugged the drain, watching with dull eyes as the tub filled. She didn't know
if she meant to really go through with it or not. But she knew that she was
still speaking to Sheldon, and that wasn't good enough. She needed her husband. All of him.
�Please, Miss Aida,� Sheldon pleaded, tears running
down his cheeks as he moved to her side. �I love you. I don�t you to go.
I�ll�I�ll tell the truth. I�ll let him remember everything. Please don�t leave
me.�
"You haven't given me any reason to believe you,
Sheldon." Aida hoped her words carried past the door. "I don't want
to leave, but I won't let him kill me either. I don't have any choices."
�I�ll-I�ll wake him up. I�ll
make him remember. I promise, Miss Aida. I promise.�
"How can I trust
you?"
�Tell me what to do, Miss Aida. I�m sorry. I�ve been
bad, so bad. I need to be punished. Please come out, Miss Aida. Please don�t
hurt yourself,� Sheldon pleaded through the door,
banging on it ineffectually.
"Can I trust you to keep your promise, Sheldon?
Even if you get mad at me again? Even if you get bored and want to have
fun?"
�Yes, yes you can, Miss Aida,� he said eagerly. �I
won�t do it again. I promise I won�t do it again. I�ll be good. You�ll see.�
"I'm going to remember
your promise," she warned him.
�Yes, make me remember. Punish me. I don�t care, Miss
Aida. Please just come out. I won�t hurt him again. I promise I won�t.�
"I need you to prove your sincerity to me,
Sheldon. Will you please let me talk to my husband?"
�He�s tired, Miss Aida. But yes, yes I will,� Sheldon
promised, slumping down to the ground outside the door. �Do you want me to make
him remember first? I promised�I promised I wouldn�t hurt him but he�s not
going to like remembering, Miss Aida. It hurts us both. Don�t know why. Don�t
understand. It just does.�
"He needs to remember, Sheldon. He'll be mad if
he finds out that he has missing memories."
�He�s going to be mad anyway. So very mad at me, Miss
Aida,� Sheldon said almost too softly for her to hear through the door. �But
I�ll let him remember. I won�t trick him anymore.�
"Thank you. I'll do what I can to keep him from
hurting you. But that might not be much." In fact, Aida was relatively
sure that Sands was going to want to kill Sheldon...and she wasn't sure that
was a bad thing.
�He�s going to hurt me, isn�t he?� Sheldon asked in a
small voice. �I don�t want him to hurt me, Miss Aida. He scares me. So does the
other one.�
"I'll try to keep him from hurting you. At first
he'll be too distracted by his memories to do anything. He'll be focused on me.
Just be quiet, alright?"
�Alright, Miss Aida,� Sheldon said softly. He leaned
against the doorframe and took a breath before releasing his hold on all of
Sands� memories, summarily destroying the false ones. He gasped at the sudden
onslaught of pain, trying his best to stay quiet. But it hurt so much, oh so
much. But he bit his lip to keep himself from crying.
Sands woke up to pain. Pain so intense he was sure he
was having a fucking stroke or something. He didn�t have Sheldon�s worries
about making noise so he did cry out as memories once lost to him descended
upon his consciousness like stinging drops of molten magma. �Aida, Aida, Aida,�
he repeated over and over desperately as he remembered her face, her love and
their marriage. He remembered everything.
"Sands?" Aida
wanted to rip open the door between, but she was wary now. It wasn't outside
the realm of possibility that he could have tricked her. That Sands didn't remember everything, or if he
did, that it wasn't the same as what she remembered. And after the threats of
last night, she wasn't willing to risk it. She thought that Sands wouldn't want
her to.
�Aida?� Sands called out in a very soft voice.
Between the utter exhaustion and the intense pain he was currently feeling he
felt about ready to just roll over and die. That was until he heard her voice.
�Aida, please,� he pleaded, not quite knowing what he was asking for. To see her, perhaps. To ask for a respite from the pain was
more likely.
He sounded as if he'd been through a meat tenderizer.
Aida couldn't help herself; she cracked the bathroom door open and peered out. "Sands? Are you really back?"
He laughed bitterly at that and then gasped at the
pain even the soft laughter had caused him. �I remember everything, spitfire.�
Relief washed over her and she threw herself at him,
curling herself around his body and holding him tightly. She couldn't speak,
but that was alright since there were no words to say. Not now.
�I-I�m sorry. I�m so sorry, Aida. I didn�t know. I
was deceived,� he whispered to her desperately.
"I know," she soothed, stoking his head and
back. "I know you were. I know. I never thought you'd say those things if
you didn't remember every single bit of our relationship. If
you weren't deceived."
�I didn�t know who you were,� he whispered, grabbing
a hold of her as if he were in fear of forgetting who she was again if he
didn�t keep holding on. �And then I thought I did but it was all wrong. All
wrong,� he whispered again, sounding desolate.
"You remember now. That's
the important thing. None of the rest of it matters."
�But I said horrible things to you. I�I hurt you,
Aida.� His eyes widened as he remembered specifics. �Oh god I cut you. I cut
you��
"Shh...shh... It was nothing. It's
already scabbed over." Aida pulled his head back so she could see his
eyes. "I'm fine, my love."
Sands started as he saw her, taking in her swollen
cheek and black eye. She looked abused. She was
abused. �What have I done to you?� he asked shakily.
"Nothing. You didn't do anything. How could you have when you didn't know up from down?"
He shook his head, letting it fall back down to the
ground because he simply couldn�t keep it up to look at her. He was just so
tired� �I should have known. Should have known it was lies� Sounded so real
though� Looked so real��
"Don't blame yourself,"
she whispered, moving until she was cradling his head against her chest.
"I don't blame you. I love you."
He let his eyes slip shut as he felt himself relax in
her embrace. She still loved him. He couldn�t believe it, but apparently it was
true. She still loved him� �I love you too, Aida. With all my
heart.�
"I know you do. I never doubted it. If you
didn't, then why would anyone want you to forget that you did?" She kissed
his forehead. "Now get up. I won't let you get all stiff and sore from
sleeping on the floor. Let's at least make it to the living room."
Sands groaned but allowed himself
to be hauled to his feet without too much fuss. �Only a little further and
sleep,� he mumbled to himself, not fully realising he was speaking out loud. He
didn�t think he had ever been more exhausted before. Everything hurt and all he
wanted to do was close his eyes and tell the world to go to hell but the
world-more specifically his wife-was determined to keep him this side of
conscious for just a little while longer.
"Here we are," she murmured, gently pushing
him down onto the couch. Moving carefully she made a space for herself next to
him, not wanting to be parted from him and knowing that the feeling was
probably mutual. "Now you can sleep. And I'll stay right here. I'll be right
here the entire time. Just rest now, my love."
He did his best to hold her close to him, but his
arms had stopped obeying his mind�s commands. He decided it didn�t really
matter anyway and mumbled an �I love you,� before giving into sleep once more.
***
Aida had dozed off minutes after her husband had.
They'd both endured a stressful night, so it was understandable. She was a
little surprised to find him awake before her though.
Without opening her eyes, she snuggled into his chest
and simply marked the feather-light brushes of his fingers against her cheek.
It was soothing, his touch, somehow removing pain she hadn't acknowledged. His
tenderness brought tears to her eyes and before she knew it, she was sobbing
into his chest.
"I was so scared...I didn't know if I'd ever see
you again...I tried to hope, but it was so hard..." She just repeated
herself over and over, unable to stop herself.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close,
bringing his lips to the top of her head gently. �Shh.
I�m here, Aida. I�m here. You haven�t lost me. You�re not going to lose me.
What happened yesterday is never going to happen again. I swear to you.�
"Every time I looked at you I searched for the
real you. I didn't want to believe that I'd lost you. But I started to doubt. I
tried not to. I tried to act as if I had
all the time in the world for you to come back to me. But I didn't, did I?"
�You forced Sheldon�s hand. You got me back, Aida.
You saved me when I couldn�t save myself,� he assured her gently.
"That's the thing. I don't
know if I was really trying to force his hand," she whispered.
He shook his head. He refused to think about that. He
refused to think upon how close he had been to losing her forever. �It doesn�t
matter, Aida. I�m yours again and Sheldon will be dealt with.�
"I promised that I would try not to let you hurt
him." Aida's voice was so low that Sands' had to strain to hear it.
"But...but I know what you have to do. If he can cut you off from your
memories like that, then he's too dangerous."
He nodded. �He�s strong, Aida. Almost
as much as Jeffrey. Getting rid of him won�t be easy�but it has to be
done. He can�t do this to me again. I won�t suffer it twice. I can�t,� he
whispered.
"Will you at least keep my promise? I know you
can do it without making him suffer. And there's no point to making him suffer.
Just let it be...clean."
He sighed. He didn�t want to promise that but he
could see the vulnerable longing in her face; hear it in her voice. She was
sanctioning murder, but not torture. That thought alone sent a prickle of
unease through him but he nodded slowly. �It�ll be clean,� he agreed.
She closed her eyes and nodded.
"I wish it wasn't necessary."
�He brought this on himself. It�s no fault but his.
He knew what I would do to him if he toyed with me like this and he did it
anyway. He�ll try again, Aida. He�s gotten a taste for it now.�
"I know. I know." He was right. And yes,
she knew it. That didn't keep her from feeling miserable anyway.
�It�s not your fault, Aida.
Don�t blame yourself.�
"I don't. How could I blame myself? As I've
explained to Sheldon, there's nothing I can do at all to either help or hinder
him."
He nodded. �That is correct. He�s not corporal
although he sometimes forgets. He asks you for help fully expecting it, not
understanding that you cannot affect his world. Only I can do that.�
"I don't want to talk
about this," Aida muttered, hiding her face in his chest once again.
�Then I should just be finished
with it now. We won�t ever have to talk about it again.�
"Are you strong enough? I don't want you going
in there if you're not at your best. I won't risk loosing you."
�I don�t think he�ll fight
back,� Sands murmured. �He�s afraid.�
"Self-preservation can do a lot for a
person." Her words were muffled against the wall of his chest.
�I know,� he answered to the ceiling. �He�s cornered
and he will try and snap at me, but this must be done, Aida. He�ll think he�s
gotten away with it if something isn�t done soon. He�ll try again.�
"How are you feeling?"
�Vengeful,� he answered simply.
"That's not what I meant
and you know it."
Sands sighed. He did know it. �I�m still tired but
I�m determined, Aida. This has to be done soon.�
"Give yourself the rest of the day. Get some
more sleep. Eat something. Talk to me. I don't care
what it takes to make you better."
�Getting rid of him would make me feel better,� he
muttered stubbornly. He told the large part of him that argued at the sense she
was making to leave him alone. His rationale tried a different tactic and told
him he was acting no better than Jeffrey at his most impulsive of moments.
Despite the fact that Jeffrey�s personality was facets of his own only
emphasised, that did the trick. �Alright. I�ll sleep.
I�ll eat. I�ll talk. And then I�ll get rid of that little bastard.�
"Thank you," Aida
murmured, lifting her face so she could kiss his neck.
�Mmhmm,� he murmured,
closing his eyes to let himself fall into her gentle touch. He really was still
more than a little tired but he didn�t want to give up the feeling of her in
his arms quite yet. Especially not while she was kissing him.
"Sands?"
�Yes, my love?� he asked,
opening his eyes slowly to look at her.
She met his gaze, then
looked away uncomfortably. "If I had...you know...would you have kept on
living?"
His face fell at the question but he swallowed and
tried to answer it as best he could upon seeing that she was searching for an
answer. �I don�t think so,� he said softly after a long hesitation. �I�m not
particularly solitary by nature. I like other people. I don�t like being alone.
Without you� I don�t want to face that, Aida. I�m not
strong. I love you too much to be separated from you like that. I�d�I�d
probably give in to Jeffrey were that to happen. Maybe
I would. It depends on how you left me.�
"I won't ever let you kill me, if that's what
you're thinking." Her arms tightened around him. "I know what it
would do to you. I'd kill myself first, if I couldn't get away."
He gave her a pained imitation of a smile at that.
�Thank you for that at least,� he said almost too softly for her to hear.
"Trust me, I'd try
anything and everything else first. I wouldn't go looking for death and I'm too
much of a Catholic still to take suicide lightly."
�If I believed in Heaven, which I�m not sure I do, I
don�t think any being whether it be God or Santa Claus could deny you entry.�
"You just say that because
you think I'm perfect."
�You�re wrong there,� he murmured, letting his eyes
slip shut again. �I know you�re
perfect.�
"You would
think that," she murmured, kissing his forehead. "Go back to sleep.
I'll still be here when you wake up."
�You better be,� he murmured
sleepily. �Love you.�
"I love you too."
His lips turned up in a slight grin and he gave into
sleep; happy and content in her arms. Nothing else mattered right now but that.
***
"I still don't like this," Aida muttered as
she paced back and forth in front of the couch.
They hadn't moved far since that morning, getting up only to get food or
to use the restroom. Even now Aida didn't dare stray too far, just in case her
husband wasn't there when she got back.
�I know you don�t, Aida,� Sands murmured from his
position on the couch, ignoring the fact that his arm was falling asleep as he
laid his head on it. �I could tell by the pacing. That�s usually my thing,
remember?� he asked wryly.
She ignored him. "Why
aren't you asking Jeffrey for help, again? It makes sense to me."
�This is my fight, spitfire. I need to do this for
myself. He made it personal,� Sands explained again with a sigh. Granted it
probably wasn�t the most rational of reasons, but who ever said he was
rational?
"You're
the one who said he was nearly as strong as Jeffrey. If that's true, don't you
think you'll need a little help?"
�If I find I�m in over my head I�ll call him,
alright? It�s not exactly like he�s ever far away,� he muttered.
Aida could have kicked herself. It'd taken all day
for her to get Sands into a good mood and now she'd killed it.
"I just worry, alright? I
can't help it."
He shook his head and sat up on the couch to look at
her properly. �For as much as I might complain about how you worry, it�s all
lies. I�d worry if you didn�t worry,� he said with a small smile. �You just
worry because you care. That�s not wrong.�
She rubbed her face and
collapsed onto the couch beside him. "I hate this."
He hugged her close and sighed. �I know you do, Aida.
I�m not overly fond of it myself. But it needs to be done.�
"I'm not disputing that. I
just wish there was an easier�a safer�way
to do it."
�You mean one in which I don�t run the risk of having
a series of grand mal seizures or becoming lost within my own mind forever?� he
asked blithely, immediately feeling like an asshole when she tensed next to
him. �I�m sorry.�
"You didn't seizure last
time," she muttered. "You just got a little warm."
�Your optimism still isn�t contagious, but I love
that you keep trying,� he said with a soft smile and a gentle kiss on the tip
of her nose.
"I'm not being
optimistic." That was a lie. "I'm just telling you what happened last
time."
�Well lack of seizures is always a good thing, but
loss of memory isn�t exactly an acceptable tradeoff, Aida,� he murmured. �And
you are too being optimistic.�
"If you get rid Sheldon, there won't be a lack
of memory for you to worry about." Unless he takes him to his grave...
�Unless he decides to get one last jab in before the
end,� Sands muttered, unconsciously echoing her thoughts.
"Don't read my mind like
that. It's creepy."
�Of all the things you could have chosen about me, that�s the thing
you find creepy?� Sands asked incredulously.
"Are you eager for me to
find something else?"
�Not particularly, I�m just
saying,� he murmured.
She squeezed him.
"So..."
�Indeed,� he sighed. �Time to bite the bullet. I�ll see you when I get back.�
"Kiss me." This was
getting to be a ritual and Aida hated it.
�Shall I choose to accept your optimism and venture
that this could be the last time I have to do this?� he asked softly after they
had kissed just long enough for him to be pushed to the brink of wanting to
take things further.
Aida's eyes narrowed. "You're coming back. And
if you don't, I'll come find you, drag you back, and then proceed to kill you
myself. Very slowly. And without
kisses."
He smiled. �Is that a promise?�
"No, it's a threat. Can't you tell the
difference? If not, then maybe you're getting too many kisses."
�Oh didn�t you know? I like being threatened. It�s
part of my charm. And one can never have too many kisses.�
"Ha." She kissed him
again. "For luck."
�Won�t need it, but thanks.�
He smiled at her briefly and closed his eyes, setting off to end this once and
for all.
***
�Sheldon? Come out, come out wherever you are. I want
to play,� Sands called out, looking
over his surroundings with an incredulous frown. He was home. 1206 Agincourt
Lane just had it had always been. God it even smelled real. �So this is where
you feel safe, is it Sheldon? Here at home? This is your sanctuary.�
�You destroyed
everything else,� a child�s voice-Sheldon-whispered in the room. The room
changed and everything became charred and blackened, the walls fell away and
the taste and smell of death and ash was heavy in the air. �You did this. You
took it all.� The walls shifted again and things were back as they had been.
�You would have
done it too, Sheldon. You�re me, after all. You hated them just as much as I
did. Had I given you a few more years to stew before setting you loose upon the
world you would have been just as vengeful and angry at the world as I was. Puberty�s a bitch, isn�t it?�
�Liar!� The room shook with Sheldon�s scream and
Sands very nearly lost his balance. �I wouldn�t have killed them! They were my
parents! Not yours. Never yours. You�re not real.�
�Excuse me? Who�s not real now?� Sands asked with a raised eyebrow.
�You. You�re not real. You�re a bad man. A boogie
man like Mother says. She tells me not to listen to you. That
you�re not real. I thought you were nice, you used to play with me, but
you�re not nice anymore. You�re a bad, bad man. Mother�s going to punish you.�
�You�re
mother�s dead, Sheldon. You saw her die,� Sands pointed out vindictively. �She
burned to death in this very house. You know. You�ve seen.�
�MY MOTHER IS
NOT DEAD!� Sheldon screamed, and Sands did fall to his knees that time as the
environment around reflected the child�s rage. And yet somehow every toy
remained in place, every book kept its position on the shelf. The only thing
that seemed to be affected was him.
�Yes she is,
Sheldon. She�s been dead longer than you�ve existed. She was a whore and a
bitch of a mother who deserved what she got�� Sands� tirade was cut off
abruptly as his head was knocked to this side in pain. He winced and brought
fingers to his cheek, feeling a long bloody scratch there as if he had been
swiped at by a clawed hand. Perhaps he had been. This was Sheldon�s domain and
his imagination was that of a child. Who knew what kind of monsters awaited him
in the closet?
�You�re a liar,
Mr. Sands. And liars get punished. Liars are bad little boys and I know what
happens to bad little boys. Mother told me.�
�Show yourself,
Sheldon. Enough of this. Enough of these games,� Sands
growled, rising to his feet. �You won�t like it if I have to come after you.�
�Mother will
protect me. Mother will keep me safe,� Sheldon said resolutely. �Mother scares
the monsters like you away. You�ll see.�
Sands sighed,
already tired of this. �Fine. Where is your mother,
Sheldon? Let me see her.�
�Yes. Mother
will take care of you. You�ll be sorry, you bad man.� Sands looked up at the
sound of footsteps running off in the opposite direction and he moved to
follow.
The halls were
narrow and dark but clearly not the dimly lit passages he remembered as a
child. This wasn�t his home anymore. This was someplace else entirely. Sands
held a hand out to touch the wall as he walked, feeling a nauseating sense of
vertigo overtake him as the long hallway seemed to wobble and shake beneath his
feet like some sort of trap in the carnival funhouse from hell. �Sheldon, stop this,� Sands called out, not liking how weak his
voice sounded. �Hide-and-go-seek is over. It�s time to touch base and be
counted.�
�How
can the game be over if I�m not done playing?� Sheldon�s voice answered him, seeming to come from all directions at
once. The effect was decidedly unpleasant on Sands� already reeling mind. �But
Mother�s coming. You�ll see! And then you�ll be in so much trouble!�
�Trouble. Right,� Sands muttered. �I�m in fucking trouble now.�
***
He was growing hot again.
Aida perched on the coffee table. She would have sat
by his side, but Sands' body laid full-length on the couch, leaving no room for
her. Glancing at the clock, she saw that about thirty seconds had passed since
the last time she'd checked. So far that was the tenth time she'd checked in
twenty or so minutes. And she just kept checking sooner and sooner as time
passed and nothing happened.
Five minutes later, Sands started shaking. Not seizuring. Just shaking like a leaf in the wind. When Aida
reached out to feel his forehead, it was cold and clammy with sweat. Almost as if he were
having a nightmare.
"It's going to be alright," she whispered,
pulled a light blanket over his prone form. "Just remember this time.
Remember that I'm waiting for you. Remember how much we still want to do
together. Remember to call for Jeffrey if you need help." The sound of her
own voice soothed her. Hopefully it registered on Sands as well, even if he
wasn't totally aware of it.
Five more minutes passed without change. If something didn't happen soon, she was
going to wake up Salida. But she didn't want to do that. Aida wanted to handle
this on her
own. She wanted to be brave
for Sands and not call for backup.
But still....
No. I can do
this. For at least a little bit longer. If nothing has
happened in another half hour, then I'll call for help. Aida took Sands'
hand in hers and squeezed it tightly.
***
Sands did his
best to keep walking, but damn it he was fucking pissed off, dizzy and definitely
more than a little annoyed at this whole situation. Where was that little
bastard anyway? �Hey Sheldon? Where�d you run off to,
little buddy?� he called down the hall that while twisting under his feet,
didn�t seem to want to end either.
�I�m not your
buddy,� Sheldon growled and suddenly everything shifted again. The hall that
would not end finally ended and Sands was standing in the middle of a sunny
meadow. There was laughter coming from somewhere, but he couldn�t place it. As
far as he looked around him he couldn�t see anyone. He was alone in the
landscape of his mind.
�Sheldon? Stop playing games. Come out right fucking
now.� Sands yelled to the meadow at large.
And then
suddenly, as if he had somehow whispered the magic words, a figure appeared
before him. It was that of a small boy, clearly seven or eight years old, and
he was smiling. There were large purple and blue butterfly wings flapping
gently in the breeze on his back. �We�re having a picnic. You�re not invited,�
Sheldon said turning and sitting down on a checked blanket, his smile widening
as he looked over at the person sitting with him.
Sands blinked
the alien image of butterfly wings on a boy out of his thoughts and turned to
get a better look at Sheldon�s companion. He very nearly fell over in shock
when he saw her. �That�s�that�s not your mother, Sheldon.� He was definitely
not staring into the cold dark eyes of his mother, Sara Sands, but rather the
eerily similar cold eyes of Aida, his wife. �Aida? It�it can�t be. You�re not
real.�
�Are you the
mean man who�s been hurting my son Sheldon?� the woman who was not Aida asked
with a glare, rising to her feet, her full curly red mane swaying as she moved.
Sands took a step backwards before he could stop himself.
�Yes, that�s
him, Mother! He�s mean to me. He picks on me and tells me lies. He said you
were dead!� Sheldon sniffed.
�There, there.
Everything will be alright. You�ll see. I won�t let him hurt you ever again.
I�ll take care of him. Yes Mother will,� the phantom Aida cooed.
�This�is fucked
up. Even for me,� Sands muttered, deeply unsettled by what he was seeing. His
unease only grew as Sheldon�s mother turned on him, hissing and rearing back a taloned hand to claw his throat out. Sands tried to stop
her, but this was Aida! He couldn�t hurt Aida! His throat was a bloody mess
within seconds and he was falling to the grass, gasping like a fish out of
water as he began to drown in his own blood. His hand clamped across his throat
as he fought for air that was denied him and he stared uncomprehending up at
Aida who towered victoriously over him.
�See? I told
you it would be alright Sheldon, didn�t I? Mother will always take care of you.
Mother loves you,� she said with a smile, walking back towards their picnic
without a backward glance towards Sands. �Would you like another piece of pie?�
Sands didn�t
hear Sheldon�s reply because he was fast losing consciousness. His free hand
clawed in the grass beneath him, bring up clumps of
sod as he struggled for life. He could feel blood bubbling out between his
fingers, escaping his grasp and taking his life with it. The pool of blood that
quickly surrounded him brought no warmth as he began to black out, thinking
that this couldn�t possibly be how it ended. Not like this. Not unmourned, unnoticed, unloved.
�Not�like�this.� It wasn�t a voice that came from his tattered vocal chords,
and yet he heard himself speak aloud as if it had been. His gun was suddenly in
his free hand, a comforting weight in the end. He raised it in the direction of
the happy picnic and pulled the trigger. Two quick shots and Sheldon fell
backwards dead, a piece of pie unchewed in his mouth.
Aida-Mother screamed for the loss of her child and Sands just shot her too. He
tried to be cold, he tried to not let it touch him as he knew he was about to
die anyway, but the sight of her warm brown eyes widening as the bullets tore
through her chest would haunt him in his last moments in this life.
When she fell
the world around him shifted once more into a spinning abyss blacker than death
itself. Sands took comfort in it as he let his eyes slip shut. There was no
white light. This was the end.
***
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More Than Darkness