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More Than Darkness	By : SaMe Category: M through R > Once Upon A Time In Mexico Views: 4591 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the movie that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 74
- 75
- 76
His world was a
world of storms. Lightning flashed and growled through the sky, searching for
someone to devour. Everything was black. Wind howled through jagged mountains
of the blackest pitch seen in the distance, a blood red sky hovering above as
the sun set forever.
�Oh
for fuck�s sake. Why do you
have to make everything so fucking dramatic?� Jeffrey hissed, shaking Sands as
if he were a rag doll to emphasise his point. �Now you fucking listen and you
listen well. There is no fucking way I am going to let you kill us. I will kill
you here, right now, before I do that. Do you understand me? And death here is
true death.� The maimed and broken bodies of bastard and Valencia suddenly
appeared and disappeared before either man could get a proper look at them. It
didn�t matter. They were dead. This was a place of death. Sands� mind had
always been a place of death. Pleasurable death. Painful death. �Your death
if you don�t listen to me.�
�Leave me
alone. I�m ending it. You can�t stop me.� Sands shook himself out of Jeffrey�s
tight grip, determined to end this and go through with what he had started. He
wanted to see his blood flow thick and bright down his fingertips until he was
no more; a bloodless corpse on the kitchen tile, �I love you Aida� spelled out
beside him in his own bloodied finger-painting.
�That is
fucking it! I have had it with your pathetic whingeing! I am not going to let you do this!� He
backhanded Sands hard enough across the cheek to break his jaw, lightening
crashing on the moment of impact. Sands fell to his feet in shock, but Jeffrey
didn�t let up. With fury gleaming in his dark eyes, Jeffrey straddled Sands�
legs and proceeded to beat him into unconsciousness.
***
For once things were going her way. Not only had Sands left some money lying on
their dresser, but no one had seen her leave the house. She was going to be
able to get away for awhile. Or maybe for more than awhile.
Aida wasn't sure about that yet. She just knew that she had to talk to someone. And it would be best if that
person would be sworn to complete silence.
With that in mind, she left the house with a few
changes of clothing packed in a suitcase.
It was extreme, but she couldn�t face Sands. Not now. He�he�d� It shouldn�t have hurt so much, but
he�d doubted her. What else was she
going to have to do or give up to prove her loyalty to
that man?
Catching a taxi, Aida escaped to a small inn across
town from their rented house. The inn itself wasn�t too much more than a
boarding house; she was going to have to share a bathroom with all the other
people on the floor, but she held out hope. Perhaps Sands would see reason.
Perhaps he�d apologize. Apologize and mean
it. He always apologized.
She couldn�t stay inside. There was yet another
church down the street and Aida escaped there. She needed to actually confess
to someone the mess that her life had become. And as much as Sands would hate
her if he found out� No, that doesn�t
matter. He can�t dictate what is and isn�t allowed in an effort to keep myself
sane. I have to put myself first this time.
Stepping through the doors of the small kirk was like a benediction in itself. She felt like
Esmeralda about to plead for sanctuary. The smell of incense and wood polish
brought out feelings of safety. Yes, she�d made the right decision in coming
here.
As she was looking around, Aida saw a bent over old
woman come out of a confessional.
Regretting her lack of a shawl � not only to better hide her face but
because it was chilly in here � Aida hurried forward and slipped into the
petitioner�s side.
�Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.�
�Yes, my child. How long has it been since your last
confession?� the priest asked, and Aida heard the chair he was sitting on creak
as he shifted his weight. It somehow made this more real than hearing his voice
did; that little sound of humanity.
It reassured her when memories of playing this out
with her husband had nearly overwhelmed her.
"It's been five years," she said quietly.
The priest nodded solemnly, not saying a word of
judgement. �Tell me what is troubling you, daughter.�
"It all started when I met my husband..."
Aida told her story without interruption, covering everything from split
personalities, to multiple homicides, to the reason they'd left the US, all the
time of unsure whether or not the priest even believed her. If she'd been the
one on the other side of the confessional, she probably wouldn't have.
"And then last night..." She stopped and
rubbed the spot between her eyes that ached.
"Last night I mistook Jeffrey for Sands...and Sands didn't even
give me a chance to explain. After all we've shared; he jumped to the wrong
conclusion and wouldn't be budged."
The priest sat in silence for a minute, trying to
absorb what he had been told. �Marriage is a sacrament given to us by God
Himself, but murder is also a gave sin, my child.� He
didn�t tell her to go to the police, somehow knowing that she wouldn�t or
couldn�t. �You say he loves you? Your husband?�
"Yes. And he does. But...he's very insecure, he
was abused by his parents, and I'm not sure I understand what he calls love. Or
at least that's what I tell myself."
�If he truly loves you then it need not matter that
you understand that love, my child. He will come back to you. I can�t imagine
what it must be like for you, but know this. God has told us that we will never
have to face more than you can bear. You are a very strong woman. God will see
you through this if you but put your trust in Him.� The priest hesitated, as if
unsure as how to go on. �Will your husband come to confession?�
She laughed, but not unkindly. Just
hopelessly. "No. It's all he can do to apologize to me."
�If you care for him, if you love him, then you must
get him to confess. He cannot have God�s forgiveness if he doesn�t,� the priest
reminded her slowly. �He must atone for the lives he has taken otherwise there
is no hope for him in Paradise.�
"If he has no earthly hope, then why would he
even expect to find it elsewhere? Sands doesn't believe in hope. It's been all I can do
to get him to believe in love."
�How can he love without hope? He has hope, my child.
Though it might be difficult to see, there can be no love without hope of love.
Your husband does have hope. He must. And you must have hope for him if he does
not. Return to him. Forgive him. We have to be strong for those who are weak,
my child.�
"And if I kill myself by being strong?"
�God won�t let it come to that. And you cannot let it
come to that. If you must leave him to save your soul, then that is what you
must do. God will be with you whatever happens. You must always remember that.�
"It's hard to do when the one person you've
fully given yourself to throws you away from him as if you were nothing so
attractive as a rotting corpse."
�I am not trying to defend him, but have you thought
about why he must have done so? Surely he must feel betrayed? I�m not saying
what he did was right. It wasn�t. But is that truly a reason to end a
marriage?�
"He should have believed in me."
�Perhaps so,� the priest commented softly, not
wanting to side himself against either party. It was not his place to judge.
While he might be one of God�s stewards, only the Lord Himself had the ultimate
power over judgment. �Talk to him. Tell him what you have told me. Tell him how
you feel. Make him understand how he has hurt you. I will go with you if you
like. I will talk to him with you.� The priest gaped a little at himself as the
words had passed his lips, certain that that must have been the Lord�s doing.
If anything this woman said about her husband was true-and something in the way
she said it made it easy to believe-then his life could be at stake simply by
intruding in this man�s home. And yet, the offer was there all the same.
"Talking won't matter. I can already tell you
what will happen when I call home. Either I'll have to bully someone into
talking to me, or he will have been fatalistically occupying himself and
reminding himself why I wouldn't call. And the moment he gets on the phone with
me, he'll be all apologies, and promises for change, and 'Please come home, I
can't live without you's'. And I'll go home, where
I'll never speak of what happened again for fear of sending him into a guilt
trip that he might not come back from."
�You must talk about what happened. How else can you
expect change?� the priest asked after a long moment of contemplative silence
and prayers to God for guidance for handling this poor woman�s situation.
Aida was quiet for a long time, debating whether or
not talking would work any better this time than it had any other. Finally she conceded, "I'll call him.
And if he wants me back -"
The curtain was practically yanked off its rod
suddenly, startling Aida into rising from her seat and backing further into the
confessional. �You and I need to talk, kitty,� Jeffrey hissed. He had looked
fucking everywhere for her. When Sands had whispered that she would go to
confessional, that she would want to rid herself of his taint, he had checked
every fucking church around for miles. He had been about to say fuck it to the
whole thing when he heard her voice through the walls of the confessional.
�We�re leaving. Right fucking now.�
�What-what is going on here?� the priest asked suddenly.
�This is a house of God and this is a confessional! Leave at once or I shall
call the police!�
Jeffrey ignored him and took ahold of Aida�s arm. �We�re
leaving, kitty. You�re going to fix this.�
"Excuse me, Father," Aida said calmly as
Jeffrey yanked her up from her seat. "Thank you for listening to me. It
helped a great deal." Even if it didn't really
solve anything.
�You-you�re welcome, my child. Are you sure you�ll be
alright? I can and will call the police if this man is bothering you.�
Jeffrey stuck his head into the confessional booth to
address the priest through the opaque screen. �Listen up, padre. This is none
of your business. Keep your holy nose out of what doesn�t interest you,� he
hissed. �You�ll be much safer that way.�
"Jeffrey, be polite. Please." Just a few minutes
in his company was making her enervated. "I'm coming. There's no need to
bluster."
�Bluster? Bluster?!
Do you have any fucking idea the
trouble you�ve caused? Everything was fucking fine! We were fucking fine! And
then you had to go and turn it all to shit again!� Jeffrey yelled, absolutely
livid.
Aida just raised an eyebrow. "Do you mind if we
talk elsewhere? I'd hate to be around here. You know, just in case you bring
the roof down, or get struck by lightening or something."
�Oh screw Him. Bring it on you fucking hypocritical
bastard!� Jeffrey shouted towards the ceiling. He was far beyond propriety now.
"You're making an ass of yourself," Aida
murmured as she stood and pushed him out of her way. Then - knowing he would
follow - she walked towards the church's doors.
�Oh fuck you,� Jeffrey said with a sneer. He did
follow her however. He couldn�t continue yelling at someone who wasn�t
there-well he could, he oftentimes did
but that wasn�t the case now.
Aida glanced back only once. The priest she'd been
talking to had emerged from the confessional. He
looked more distressed than she felt. Far more distressed.
She didn't like the idea that he would worry for her. Perhaps it hadn't been
fair for her to tell him everything, but she couldn't take it back now.
�How are you going to fix this, kitty? Fucking how?
Sands is fucking out of his mind, Salida is furious with me, and this is all your fucking fault! If you had just kept your fucking
hands to yourself this morning none of this would have happened!�
"I'm not pregnant." Seeing as how he was
anticipating the birth of his own children, maybe he'd understand the anguish
that went with that statement.
Jeffrey hesitated, his thoughts briefly going along
the lines she had hoped they would, before he shook his head. �I�m sorry you�re
fucking upset, I really am, but that doesn�t solve anything, Aida.�
"We found out last night. I was...devastated.
Even thought I knew that having a child wasn't a great idea. Last night I woke
up remembering how empty I was of life, and the darkness of the room worked its
way into my mind and heart, and I had to make it go away. Not to mention I was
half asleep at the time. It never even occurred to me that Sands wouldn't be
the one to wake up."
Jeffrey was still for a long while, but he finally
nodded. He didn�t seem angry anymore just�lost. �I believe you. You wouldn�t
cheat on Sands. Especially not with me. But they
don�t, Aida. Sands doesn�t believe you and Salida
doesn�t believe me. She thinks I tried to fuck you because I wasn�t satisfied
with her. And Sands�fuck knows what Sands is thinking right now.�
"I doubt I can tell them anything that you
haven't. I certainly don't know how to help you smooth things over with Salida.
And Sands...I can only imagine that he'd be happy not to have to lay eyes on me
any time soon. Which is why I've taken some rooms here in
town."
�You�ve left him? Fuck, Aida,� Jeffrey whispered,
dreading the consequences of this.
"No. I haven't 'left him.' If I had, I'd be out
of the country by now. I'm giving him
the space he wanted last night." Even though she thought it might be the
death of her. Jeffrey was here so she could patch things over with everyone.
Sands would want not only her absolute forgiveness, but her absolute silence on
what had happened. Who was she supposed to turn to? Her heart was still a
ragged bleeding mass in her chest, and talking to strangers - well-meaning
strangers to be sure, but strangers all the same - didn't make any of the ache
go away.
�He tried to fucking kill himself, Aida,� Jeffrey
murmured. �That�s why I�m here talking to you and he isn�t. I�m not letting
him. Not until I know he�s not going to do anything. I know you�re fucking
hurting alright? I know it. I know what it�s like to loose a kid, remember? It
doesn�t matter if it was really there or not. In your mind it was real. You
really lost it. You�re grieving. Ok I fucking get it. But you�ve got to talk to
him, Aida. I can�t keep him like this forever.�
"What makes you think he even wants to talk to me? The last I remember,
the very sight of me disgusted him to such a degree that he closed himself off
from me completely."
�You�re all he fucking thinks about. Believe me, I
know. Of course he wants to talk to you. What, do you think he�d rather have you
fucking leave?�
"You didn't see the look in his eyes," she
whispered, her eyes looking into the far distance as her memories of the night
before came back to taunt her.
�So�what? You�re just going
to run off and hope this all fucking blows over? Well it fucking won�t! You have to do something about this,
Aida!�
"Why?" she demanded, suddenly just as
furious as he. "Why do I have to
do something? Why do I have to be the one to swallow my feelings time and time
and time again? Why do I always have to lay aside my own hurt to heal other's? Maybe I have nothing left to give. I've given my
heart and my soul and my honor completely, but it's not enough. What do I have
left to offer? And if I give it, what will remain for me? Of me?�
�You knew what you were getting yourself into when
you fucking married him, Aida. You knew that out of the four of us you were the
one not like the fucking others. You�re the one who can claim sanity when none
of us can. You�re the one who can claim rationality in our irrational world.
You�re the one who has to fix this.�
"Even sane people run out of resources,
Jeffrey."
�So you�re saying there�s nothing you can do. That
�oh well. I�m tired. I don�t care that I�m the cause of all of this because
damn it, I�m going to have things my own way from now on.� Fuck you, Aida,�
Jeffrey spat. �So you�re tired of being the giver. So you�re tired of Sands
being fucking selfish all the time. Who fucking cares?
But fine. Whatever. Fucking forget about it. We�ll
solve our own messes. I�ll make it up to vixen some way or another, somehow
managing to keep Sands a prisoner within his own mind for as long as I can
before he finally breaks loose and kills us both. Hell maybe he�ll even take
vixen out before he does it. That would be considerate, don�t you think? Wear
something festive to our funerals, would you?�
"You're such a bastard," Aida hissed before
forcing herself to relax. "Fine. I'll talk to
him. Now. But don't go far in case he decides I'm not
worth his time."
Jeffrey shrugged at her comment, unbothered by the
insult. �I�m never far away, Aida. You should have realised that by now.�
Then Jeffrey was gone, and a bewildered looking Sands was standing in his place. �Aida? What�� he blinked,
looking down at his wrist. It remained whole. He hadn�t gone through with it.
He was yet alive. He felt like he had been used for a boxing club�s test dummy,
but he was alive. �What am I doing here?�
"Jeffrey hunted me down. He seemed to think that
you'd actually listen to anything I had to say."
�What other choice do I have, Aida? You�re here now,
and Jeffrey�s practically holding me hostage, so say whatever you need to say.
I�m listening,� Sands said distantly.
"I have nothing to say until you honestly answer
a question for me."
�Ask your question,� he murmured after a moment�s
hesitation.
"Promise you'll give me an honest answer."
He didn�t like making promises he didn�t know if he
could keep, but he could see the seriousness in her eyes and knew she would
accept nothing less. �I promise.�
"Do you want me to come home, or do you need
time?"
�I�I miss you, Aida,� he said softly. �I don�t like
it when you�re not there.�
"And what would I be coming home to? Suspicion? Accusations? Recriminations?"
He shook his head. �I�m not upset with you, Aida.
I�m�hurt�but that�s not your problem.�
"Don't be ridiculous."
�What do you mean?�
"It's not my problem?" she threw his words
back at him. "How can you say
that?"
�I�I shouldn�t be hurt,� he stuttered, flustered by
her sudden retort. �You didn�t know that it wasn�t me. You didn�t do anything
wrong. Therefore why should I feel betrayed? You didn�t betray me.�
"Do you believe that? Or are you saying what you
think you should? Because coincidentally, that is the truth.
I was blind with pain and turned to my husband for comfort. And for my pains, I
was treated like a whore who was unwelcome in your bed." She laughed
uncomfortably, unsure why she was being so harsh with him when she'd been
comparatively gentle with Jeffrey.
He frowned, what little confidence he had had in
facing her fading in an instant. �I-I believe it, Aida. I had no right to be
hurt and you had every right to. I should have been there for you. Not Jeffrey.
I�m sorry.�
"I don't blame you for not being there, Sands.
God knows you have to sleep sometime. I blame myself for not waiting long
enough to get a positive ID, but I was half asleep and desperate."
�I shouldn�t have pushed you away like I did but I
didn�t know what to think. It was irrational and I�m sorry. I just�reacted. I
shouldn�t have done it. I should have give you want you needed. I should have
given you comfort not coldness.�
Yes. You should
have. Aida just shrugged though. She was tired of fighting.
Her silence just told him that she was still angry.
�I�m sorry, Aida,� he said again, not knowing what else to say.
"I know you are," she murmured by rote.
That was her line after all. "Fine. I'll come
home. I left some things at the inn down the street though."
�Do you�� he hesitated, looking more scared than he
probably should have been. �Do you want to stay there for a few days? To�get away from me?�
"I only left because I didn't think you could
stand the sight of me. And I couldn't take seeing that look in your eyes. But
you want me to come home."
�Yes I do.�
"I just want to go to bed. But it would be nice
if I could do it in familiar surroundings."
�Anything you like, Aida.� He looked up, seeming to
realise suddenly where they were. �You were in the church? Did you�did you want
to go to confession? I won�t go in this time if you do.�
"Too late," she murmured. "I think
Jeffrey terrified the priest."
�Perfect,� Sands muttered. �Sorry about that.�
"I told him everything. The priest that is. From the day we met to last night."
�Everything?� Sands asked, a
cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck as he sent a clearly paranoid
glance in the direction of the church.
"Yes. But don't worry. He's a priest. Sworn to silence and all that. Not even the police could
force him to talk. Not even with a warrant."
�Are you�how can you be sure? Thou shalt not kill is a big one, Aida. Wouldn�t he be obligated
to go to the authorities?�
"Yes. Don't you ever watch the news? Just last
year there was some big broo-ha-ha over a criminal
who confessed to his priest while in jail.
He confessed to all sorts of murders, and the prison tapped it all. But
because he was talking to a priest, the evidence had to eventually be thrown
out."
�I read the newspaper,� he said with a mild shrug
before growing deadly serious. �I�I trust you, Aida. I trust that you wouldn�t
put me in danger.�
The admission of trust was very nearly a case of too little
too late, but Aida swallowed her pride. �No, I wouldn�t,� she agreed quietly.
�I know you wouldn�t. And I do trust you, Aida. I�m sorry I
don�t always show it. That�s my problem, not yours. I shouldn�t have done�what
I did to you�this morning. I�m sorry. All you wanted was someone to hold on to
and I turned you away like you didn�t matter. That was unfair and cruel and I
am sorry.�
Her shoulders slumped and her eyes slipped shut in defeat.
"Oh Sands..."
�What? Aida? What did I say?�
"Nothing. You didn't say
anything. I just..." She shrugged. "I love you. I want to go
home."
�I love you too, Aida,� he said with a small frown. �Please
tell me what I said to upset you.�
"You didn't upset me. You said what I needed to
hear."
�Oh. Alright. We can go home then.
We can do whatever you like.�
Aida walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his
neck. She simply held him. That's all she wanted.
Sands let out a soft sigh of relief and wrapped his arms around
his waist. This was good. This was what he wanted as well. He only wanted to
make things right between them. �I love you, Aida,� he whispered, kissing the
top of her head gently.
"I know you do." I wouldn't be able to hurt you so much if you didn't.
�Good. Then let�s go get your stuff and go home. Alright?�
"Yes. That sounds perfect."
He nodded and offered her his arm for her to take ahold of.
Once she had done so, they walked arm in arm back to the car, content in each
other�s presence once more.
***
Salida was pissed. And not merely just pissed, but royally
pissed. Her husband had admitted to
sleeping with Sands' bitch, and then hadn't even let her work through the full
head of steam his words had caused.
Just when she'd gotten to the part about "all
cats look the same in the dark" and about how why didn't he just tell her
if he wasn't attracted to her anymore, he'd left. Left! In the middle of an argument!
She was still sitting and fuming in the living room
when she heard the car pull up. Looking
out the window, she saw her husband get out of the car, circle to the
passenger's side, then gently lift a sleeping Aida out
of the vehicle.
The man has
balls.
But he wouldn't for long if she had her way.
Sands shifted Aida�s weight in his arms as he
attempted to unlock the front door and not drop her at the same time. Just as
he had about managed to get the key in the lock without incident, the door
swung open violently and Salida�s was left standing on the threshold. She did
not look happy to see him. �Uh�hello Salida,� Sands murmured, moving past her
to take Aida to their room.
Salida's eyes narrowed. She didn't think Jeffery
would try to escape her wrath by pretending to be Sands...but she hadn't
thought she'd ever have to worry about him leaving her for another woman
either.
"Where's Jeffrey," she demanded. By god,
she'd get him along one way or another.
Sands ignored her. She was free to yell at him all
she wanted, but after he had put Aida
to bed. Once he had done that-with Salida fuming on his tail every step of the
way-he closed the bedroom door behind him once Aida was sleeping in her own bed
and turned to Salida. �He�s not here.�
If her gaze had been a living, breathing thing, Sands
would have been ripped to shreds. "I suggest," she said through
gritted teeth, "that you arrange it so that he is."
�Why,� Sands asked cautiously. �What do you plan on
doing to him? Somehow I think it�s a little more than a proper dressing down.�
"Dressing down might be involved, yes, but I
fail to see how this is any of your business."
�It�s my business if you say�decide to beat the shit
out of him.�
"I'm not going to beat the shit out of
him."
Sands gave her a piercing look as if he wasn�t sure
he believed her, but shrugged. What the hell? He wasn�t exactly feeling love
and generosity towards Jeffrey at the moment anyway; he just didn�t want any
lasting effects of Salida�s wrath. �Fine. Have fun,�
he said dryly.
Jeffrey practically stumbled into consciousness from
Sands� sudden shove, blinking at Salida before taking in the situation at hand.
Salida was currently staring at him as if he was a worm on a hook and she was a
half-starved trout. �Uh�vixen?�
She shrugged off her robe and stood before him as
naked as the day she was born.
"What's wrong with me?" she demanded, her
anger not at all swayed by embarrassment or self-awareness. "What is so
horribly disfiguring that you had to go to Grant
to get your jollies?"
Jeffrey�s only answer was a sharp intake of breath
and a bold step closer to her. It was only then, when she could see the effect
her nakedness had on him, that he spoke. �I only want
you, Salida. Only you. How could I want anyone else
when I have you?� He longed to touch her, longed to feel her naked body against
his, but until her mood was gentled he didn�t dare. �I didn�t go to her. I
swear to you I didn�t.�
"Why should I believe you? Do you think I can't
see myself in the mirror? Do you think I've missed the second chin that I've
developed? Or that yesterday I had on two different shoes and didn't notice for
hours because I can't see my feet?"
�You want proof of how much I want you? Is that it?�
he breathed, taking a step closer to her still, close enough that she would be
able to see the way his pulse beat a frantic tattoo in his throat. Close enough
to hear the rasp in his breathing. He did want her. God yes he did.
"How can physical arousal be taken as proof?
You're always ready for sex. Always up for a good fuck."
He let out a frustrated sigh. �Tell me what I have to
do to prove it to you, vixen. You don�t believe my words when I say that I only
want you, you don�t believe the way my flesh cries out for yours. Well what is
it going to take? Because I have never stopped desiring you, Salida. Never.�
"You haven't once touched me since that night in
Charleston," she whispered, her voice suddenly full of hurt.
God had it really been that long? In truth, in those
first days he didn�t want to touch her. Not because he didn�t desire her, but because
he was still reeling over the loss of the city and his son in his own way. But
after that�why hadn�t he gone to her? He reached out a hand to touch her cheek,
moving slowly because he didn�t want it slapped away. �I�m sorry, vixen. But
that doesn�t mean that I don�t want you.�
"What else was I left to think? We sleep in the
same bed, and yes, you hold me, but never more than that. And I was too afraid
to ask for more because you've certainly never been shy about being open with
your wants."
�I didn�t want to hurt you. I didn�t want to ask. I
remember you saying that you wish I had asked before coming into bed with you
that first night. I remember wishing I would have; that it would have made
things easier. I didn�t want to force you to do something you didn�t want or
weren�t ready for.�
"I want," she whispered. "I'm ready."
Jeffrey nodded. �I can see that,� he said softly, his
throat having gone dry. He decided to be bold once more and reached out to pull
her flush against him, cupping the palm of his hand around the curve of her ass
as he held her in place, silently reveling in the feel of her rounded belly
against him. He could hear her breathing catch and he knew that had they been
any closer he would have needed far fewer articles of clothing.
"Jeffrey," she whispered, kissing the side
of his neck. God, she'd missed being with him like this. More than even she'd
guessed.
�Yes, vixen?� he asked casually, moving his hands up
and down over the curve of her spine as he dipped his head a little to take in
the scent of her hair. �I�m unbelievably overdressed, is that it?�
"I've missed you. Again."
�What do you mean again, vixen?� he asked, nipping
gently at her left earlobe just because he could.
"Because you've been beside me
the entire time."
�Oh,� he said with a frown. �I�m here now, Salida.
I�m yours.�
"Let's go into the bedroom," she whispered
in a voice tinged with desperation.
�Lead the way, my wanton wife,� Jeffrey said with a
smile.
She indeed led the way, working on opening his shirt
as they went. Her fingers were desperate to feel the soft, silky texture of his
skin under hers. And once that need was satisfied, she intended to fill all the
other ones that were turning her insides into knots.
Jeffrey allowed himself to be backed into their
bedroom; allowed her to unbutton and remove his shirt without hindrance,
because this was what they both wanted, and it was what they both needed. He
had missed her as well and he wanted nothing more than to make her his again.
He gave her fleeting kisses when the opportunities presented themselves, all
the while enjoying the feeling of her warm fingers moving over his skin.
Then she suddenly stopped, a
small frown on her face.
�What is it, vixen? What�s wrong?� Jeffrey asked,
catching her frown on his own face.
"Someone in there has the hiccups," she
muttered. "It feels...odd."
That was probably the most endearing thing he had
ever heard of. �I�m�sorry?� he wasn�t entirely sure what he could say to that.
�I�d tell whoever it is to cut it out but if they�re anything like me they�d
probably be too stubborn to listen,� he mused with a small smile.
"Yeah, and they can probably hear you by
now." This caused a new frown to
come to her face.
�What�s wrong now, vixen?�
"We're not exactly...quiet," she mumbled.
�Should we be?� he asked curiously. He wasn�t ashamed
of anything he or Salida did together, so why should it bother their children?
Salida just shifted uncomfortably on her feet.
"Well...they'll...hear."
�And what exactly are they going to hear, vixen? That
we desire and love each other?�
"Well, yes." She looked up at him.
It was his turn to frown now. �What�s wrong with
that, vixen? Don�t you want our children to know that we love each other?�
"Doesn't it just make you a little...I dunno? Uncomfortable?"
He shook his head.
"Of course not," she groused. "What would?"
�I don�t know,� he murmured, mildly annoyed that she
was now upset with him.
"Don't look at me like that." How she knew what specific look he was
sending her was a bit of a mystery since her face was buried in his chest.
�How would you have me look at you, Salida?�
"Like I haven't ruined
everything."
�You haven�t ruined everything, vixen,� he said
softly, resting his cheek on the top of her head. �I�m still here. I still love
you. What have you ruined?�
"The mood for one."
He shook his head. �It can be regained easily enough
later. Especially considering that you�ve grown no less distracting standing in
front of me naked as a jaybird.�
"Where did that saying come from? Jaybirds at
least have feathers."
�I have no idea. I don�t know why it�s a jaybird
either. Why not a robin or cardinal? Why a jaybird?�
He shrugged. �The world may never know. But you don�t have feathers. I still
half-wish you did though if only to lay claim to a genuine Salida feather. What
colour would they be I wonder?�
"You doubt? They would either be red or
blue."
�Would they be red? I didn�t know if that was just my
colour or yours too. I would like that. A red Salida feather,� he mused
thoughtfully, running gentle fingertips over her back as he did so.
"That or as blue as my eyes."
�I do like your eyes,� he murmured with a small smile
that she couldn�t see as her face was still buried in his bare chest.
"What else do you like?" The hiccups or
whatever they had been had passed. And now that Salida could no longer feel
them, she was less inclined to worry about pre-natal eavesdroppers.
�I like your hair,� he said softly, moving a hand to
run his fingers through it. �I like the way it falls down to your back or the
way it covers your face like a curtain when you bow your head. I like your
hands. They�re clearly feminine and small and yet strong. I love your voice,
your accent, the way you seem to paint a picture out of every word you�ve ever
said. I like the way your brow furrows when you�re deep in thought, or the way
you sometimes bite at your bottom lip when you�re watching me.�
"I like
biting your lip," she murmured,
rising up on her toes so she could do exactly that.
He attempted to grin around her teeth nibbling at his
bottom lip, but it was more trouble than it was worth. Once she had pulled away
he pretended to look thoughtful. �Hmm, you may have me there. The two clearly
don�t compare. Do it a few more times and maybe I�ll be better able to choose
between them.�
A lazy smile sparked in Salida's eyes before she
pulled his head down to repeat the procedure with tantalizing thoroughness.
�I think I�m convinced,� Jeffrey said a moment later
when she had pulled away, a purely feminine little smirk on her face to see him
so affected. �Your way is far superior.�
"Yes." When she kissed him this time, it
was a full-out exploration of his mouth.
�Definitely superior,� he breathed once they had
separated. He wasn�t fully sure what exactly was supposed to be superior
anymore, but it seemed like the right thing to say.
"Am I seducing you?" she asked, her hot
breath wafting against his jaw. "Because I'm trying my hardest to do so."
�Colour me seduced,� he agreed with a lazy nod. �I�ll
be sure and try my hardest to meet
your seduction,� he murmured with a smirk.
"You've never had to try hard at that."
�True, but don�t ever stop trying,� he sighed
contently. �I�m selfish. I enjoy the attention.�
"I've noticed." Salida smoothed her hands
down his sides until her hot little hands came to rest on his hips.
He flinched a little as her light touch tickled his
sensitive sides, but he also enjoyed the feeling as well. �I�ve noticed that
you�ve noticed,� he countered, tilting his head slightly to grin at her.
Into his ear she whispered exactly what else she had
noticed about him, and how she deduced that it was caused by him noticing her
state of undress. And then she moaned as her observations caused him to respond
rather passionately.
Jeffrey growled against her neck, kissing and nipping
with equal abandon as he ground against her. He would have taken the time to
remove his pants-he wanted to do that-but he was too distracted at the moment
to want to waste precious time apart from her just to remove a stupid fucking
article of clothing that shouldn�t have been there in the first place. His
hands moved down her hips and in-between her thighs, wanting to feel her slick
heat coat his fingertips. Sooner or later one of them wouldn�t be able to stand
any longer but that didn�t matter yet. And it was fun standing.
Salida sighed and leaned into her husband's embrace
while shifting her feet further apart. Her weight pressed Jeffrey up against
the door and she took advantage of his new support to lean her forehead against
his shoulder as he tormented her. Delightful torment, but torment all the same.
Jeffrey grinned at the way she facilitated his teasing of
her, highly pleased that she had done so. If there was one thing he truly loved
about all this, it was watching her react to him like she was putty in his
hands. It was intoxicating. So with this in mind he just kept touching her,
loving the way she gasped into his bare chest as he fingered her clit lightly.
He was savouring every moment of this.
"Jeffery...mi dios, Jeffrey. Tu es muy bueno." Her hips started to gently rock against
his fingers.
Jeffrey gave the top of her head a sly grin;
definitely proud of himself for getting her to slip into Spanish. God he loved
it when she did that. Instead of replying however, he just kept touching her,
moving his hand in time with her bucking hips. His other hand went to her right
breast where he began to massage and pinch at her nipple, and his mouth went to
the side of her neck where he was determined to leave his mark on her dark
skin.
His lips were nice, but she didn't want a hickey.
Normally she didn't mind, but she didn't want a bruise on her neck at the
moment. There was no real reason why she felt that way, she just did. So Salida
acted in a way guaranteed to distract him. She slipped a hand between them to
slowly open his pants.
Jeffrey gasped away from her neck as he was indeed
duly distracted. �Naughty vixen, surprising me like that.
God I love you,� he gasped.
"I love your body." As her hands slipped
inside his pants, she proceeded to prove just that.
�Ah�good to know. Only one I
have,� Jeffrey moaned, making the door rattle on its hinges as he arched
against it.
"It's a good thing to. I'd never get out of bed
if you had more than one."
�Yeah�probably�but that would be fun,� he answered
after taking a minute to process her comment. Her hands enclosing him tightly
were highly distracting and definitely not conducive to coherent speech and she
was only making matters worse by kissing and nipping at his chest in the same
way he was going after her neck earlier. He moaned, more than happy to let her
do whatever she liked.
"For you. I'd be too
exhausted to do much of anything. I know the doctors recommended bed rest, but
I'm not at all convinced that they meant that kind of bed rest."
�Pity,� Jeffrey murmured, beginning to buck into hand
like she had his earlier. Wait. Earlier.
I was touching her. Right. With his remembrance,
his hands returned between her legs and on her breasts, touching out of need
now rather than desire.
"Let's move this party to the bed, lover."
�That�s probably�wise...� Jeffrey murmured, allowing
himself to be led since Salida didn�t seem to want to remove her hands from the
source of his arousal quite yet.
"I'll tell you what's wise, that you keep
listening to me."
�Oh? And what do you have to say, vixen?� he asked,
trying as best he could to sound as casual as he could in such a position as
this.
"I wanna be on
top." They tumbled to the bed.
�And if I say no?� he asked hypothetically, looking
up at her since she had already pushed him backwards onto the bed and straddled
his hips.
"Tough." She kissed him, teasing him when
she only let the tip of her tongue pass his lips.
He bit down on her tongue to get her to stop teasing,
holding it gently between his teeth for a minute while his eyes flashed with
mischievousness. He wasn�t going to be bested that easily.
When he let go, she bit his lip in retaliation,
tugging at it gently. She could play this game as well as he could.
Jeffrey grinned around her teeth. He loved it when
she played back. In a now battle of one-upmanship, he moved both hands to her
breasts, balancing their weight in his hands before moving his thumbs across
her nipples.
Salida conceded a sharp gasp and a minor moan, but
then she bent her head down and started nipping lightly as his throat. The
strength of her nips increased as she traveled down his neck and eventually
ended up biting at his nipples. She
wasn't afraid to follow where he led.
Jeffrey answered her gasp and moan before letting out
a short delighted laugh. This was fun. He had missed this dearly. His hands
moved lower still, fingertips dancing over the swell of her stomach in a manner
that clearly aroused him more than it did her so he stretched to reach further.
Salida scooted out of the way though, not ready to
give up playing...and that's what would happen if she let him reach his
destination. "Nuh-uh, lover.
Not yet."
Jeffrey pouted, sticking on his bottom lip in
exaggeration.
Salida bit at it again, punishing it lovingly.
Jeffrey sighed at the attention, touching whatever
parts of her he could still reach. He bucked up against her, making them both
clearly aware of what he wanted from her, but that wasn�t the real reason he had
done it. He had done it in a determination to get her to break first. She had
the advantage for now, but that would soon change if he played his cards right.
She laughed breathlessly in response. �Eager boy. Don�t you know patience is a virtue?� It was easy
for her to say since she wasn�t restricted in any way when it came to touching
him.
�So I�ve been told, but frankly I don�t believe it,�
he responded dryly. He would have turned the tables on her by now allowing her
to touch him, but what fun would that be? He wanted her to touch him. He loved
it when she touched him. He longed for that touch.
"You should believe it. Of course, I like it
when you're impatient too," she whispered with an impish smile as she
leaned down to kiss his chest.
�Hm, I just bet you do,� he
responded smugly, tilting his head back to further appreciate her touch. He was
impatient, it was true, but he was also more than happy to let himself be
manipulated into pleasure by her skilled mouth and hands. He could be impatient
later.
"You're so complacent. Like a big woolly
sheep."
He raised an eyebrow at that. �Does that mean I�m
going to get sheared?�
Her fingers traced the line of hair that trailed down
his abdomen and gifted him with an evil grin.
�Now normally I appreciate such grins, but I�m rather
attached to that hair so I suggest you leave it be, vixen,� he warned.
"Baaa..." she teased,
tugging gently.
Jeffrey rolled his eyes but let her have her fun. �Now you
sound like the sheep. I�ve always enjoyed lamb chops,� he said dryly, giving
her a wicked grin of his own.
"You can't reach my chops."
�I haven�t really tried yet.�
"Mmm-hmm," Salida
commented, sharing her disbelief with him as she investigated his belly.
Jeffrey rolled his eyes briefly before sitting up abruptly on
the bed using his hands to brace himself. Once he was
seated upright with her crouched before him in surprise, he reached out and
brought her in as close as her pregnancy would allow. His hands slid down her
sides and over her thighs, moving to drag gentle fingertips along delicate
flesh. He was still more than willing to give her time to explore whatever part
of him she liked, but he couldn�t not rise up to her unspoken challenge about
his ability to touch her.
"Jeffrey?" she murmured as her fingers slipped
down to his thighs. "Do you even
know what chops are?"
�Why do you ask, vixen?� he murmured, moving his hand
between their bodies to run a light finger across her clit.
She hissed, then answered,
"Then why are you so certain you can reach them?"
He shrugged, enjoying her reaction. �I suppose I�m not then.
Do enlighten me, vixen. I am your more than wiling pupil.�
"I don't know. That's why I was asking you."
�Oh.� He laughed. �I think I�ll just stick with what I know
then.� He moved his hand to press a single finger deep inside of her, using his
other to finger her clit once more. He grinned at the way her inner muscles
spasmed briefly at the contact.
The fight went out of her as Jeffrey so deftly pointed out
what she wanted. His touch felt too good to evade any longer.
�What, no more teasing?� Jeffrey asked wryly, nipping at the
side of her neck as his hands moved between her legs.
She shook her head against his shoulder.
�You sure?� he asked, pushing her backwards so that he could
kiss her chest instead.
"Yes." Her fingers softly came to rest on his
hair. It was so silky that she couldn't resist the urge to stroke it.
He leaned his head into her touch, loving when she did that.
It calmed him and made her adore her at the same time. He showed his favour by
doubling his efforts to bring her to release, biting and suckling on one of her
nipples while his fingers worked between her thighs.
Salida closed her eyes and let him do to her body
what he wished. Her fingers never
faltered on his hair, not until she reached a gentle release. Her body froze
for a moment, she made a soft cooing sound, and then she was leaning into him
more heavily as her fingers resumed their play with his hair.
Jeffrey let himself lean backwards on the bed as she pressed
against him, his hands moving away from her with reluctance. He made a show of
licking his fingers clean before sighing in mild frustration. He hadn�t fully
meant for her to come without him seeing as she would now have a clear mind to
drive him to insanity by teasing him, but it was too late to worry about that
now. But he did like her fingers in his hair. Given enough time, he wondered if
she�d be able to put him to sleep even despite his current uncomfortable level
of arousal. It didn�t seem likely at the moment, but anything was possible.
For several minutes Salida did nothing more than lay
by his side and stroke his hair. But the small orgasm he'd pushed her to wasn't enough to satisfy her, and from the tension in his
muscles, she knew that Jeffrey was far from satisfied as well.
Smiling into his neck, she murmured, "I knew you
could be patient. But I think that the time for patience is over."
�I couldn�t agree more, vixen,� he said without hesitation.
�Patience is vastly overrated.�
"No. Patience has a place and time, but this isn't it.
Not anymore." Shifting a bit, Salida touched her mouth to his.
He wasted no time in showing her just how impatient he
actually was; the kiss he gave her in return wildly passionate with more than a
hint of desperation.
Salida let him take from her what he wished, shifting
on the bed when he moved to hover above her. Moaning into his mouth, she
wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her.
She needn�t have pulled him closer; he could feel himself
drawn to her without thinking. He knew what he wanted from her and made no
qualms about taking it. Sex between them was a little�interesting now due to
her new shape. Not that he minded of course. She was as sexy as she had ever
been. Sexier even.
When he pressed extra pillows behind her shoulders,
Salida sat up to let him work unhindered even as they kept kissing. She lay
back when he pressed her down. Her legs parted to give him room to kneel. Then
she held her breath and looked up at him expectantly.
He hesitated only long enough to see the way that she
readied herself for him; he way she held her breath in anticipation of him
moving deep inside of her. He felt it too. It had been too fucking long since
they had shared this. He wanted to make it last. With this thought firmly set
in his mind, he thrust into her slowly, letting them both experience the full
sensation of him filling her and her being filled inch by angonising inch. They
gasped in time with each other, breaking away from the kiss only to breathe
before joining together once more.
Salida moaned deeply, feeling her body come alive
under his. Unknowingly her thoughts
echoed his; Too long, too long. And
he was being so careful with her, not at all like their first night together.
But the feelings were all there - the passion, the need, the pleasure, the joy,
the love - and she found herself fighting the hypnotizing effects of feeling
his body surrounding and invading hers.
Jeffrey let his eyes slip shut at the sound of her moan,
knowing that he was hers again. As confident as he could undoubtedly be at
times, he needed reassurance like anyone else. Perhaps more
so. He needed to reaffirm his place in a world that would otherwise do
away with him. He needed reality and god this was definitely fucking real.
"Don't move. Not yet."
His brow knit in confusion but he tried to obey her demand,
allowing them both a moment of utter stillness except for their quickened
breathing to become accustomed to one another. He longed to move within her,
strengthening that bond, but he remained as he was.
Salida slowly exhaled, then lifted her eyes so she could
look at him. "I love you, Jeffrey."
�I love you too, Salida. Very much,� he said with feeling
clear in his dark eyes. He had been about to say that he was sorry for not
loving her sooner, but he didn�t want to ruin the mood so he kept his mouth
shut.
In response she kissed his nose, his forehead, his cheeks,
his jaw, his eyelids... Anywhere her lips landed, she blessed him with a tender
kiss. She needed to express her love in all the ways she could. And that
included bearing down on unused muscles to grip him firmly inside her.
Jeffrey let out a strangled groan at the sudden intense
sensation, having allowed himself a manner of relaxation at her light kisses
before she bore down on him. �Fuck me,� he moaned in response, arching into her
touch.
"That's my line," she whispered into his ear.
�What?� he asked, momentarily
confused as to what he had said. �Oh. Right. I was
just giving you a prompt,� he murmured breathlessly.
"No, that's what I was doing," she teased,
repeating her action.
�Oh for fuck�s sake,� he moaned, arching against her again,
thinking it mildly unfair that she held such an advantage over him before
deciding he didn�t care in the slightest as long as she kept using it. �I take
it you want me to move again?� he asked as casually as he could.
"Something like that.
Yes." Her eyes twinkled up at him.
�Good enough,� he murmured before taking ahold of her hips,
leaning forward so that they were kissing madly, and launching into a fast
rhythm right from the start. Patience was overrated.
Salida let out a startled exclamation when he first started
moving, but was soon too pleasured to do much more than moan softly and meet
his thrusts as much as she could. It'd been so long that she was perfectly
happy to follow his lead.
He was in control and he knew it. The sense of arousal this
brought was heady, and he was practically reeling from the sensation. Her body
was fire and he was being engulfed; painfully engulfed. And yet, he longed for
the pain, he reveled in it. Her fingernails clawing at his back did much the
same for him as her body moving around his did; only polarized. Pain and
pleasure, they were two sides of the same coin. Sometimes it seemed he couldn�t
have one without the other. It seemed like that now. He hissed in pleasure as
her hands moved over him, alternatingly massaging and
tormenting as their bodies met again and again in a collusion of flesh. He
thought he was moaning her name as his grip on her hips became bruising, but he
couldn�t be sure.
"Lover," Salida whimpered, arching under him
slightly. Suddenly all she wanted was to see him come. She was ready and she
needed him to find his release with her. Without meaning to, she whispered her
needs to him even as she tried to pull him closer.
Jeffrey groaned. �You want to see me come, is that it?� he
asked breathlessly. �You want to watch as you steal my control away and leave
me utterly and completely yours? My sexy little voyeur.
God I love you,� he gasped, knowing she was very close to getting all that she
wanted.
She was beyond answering. She was beyond anything but begging, and she did so prettily in a mixture of Spanish and
English.
That was it; he buckled under the pressure of hearing her
beg in that mellifluous mixture of Spanish and English. He got off on her
begging. He might have frowned at that had he but cared. Instead all thoughts
were lost as he bucked up into her frantically, desperate for her to keep
moving so he could fall off the edge of release to peace. He was surely
bruising her hips now as he held on for dear life, but he was blissfully
unaware of this. His face was tight in pleasurable strain and his eyes had
slipped shut, missing the way she watched his every expression avidly.
"Jeffrey?" Salida felt the first faint trembles of
her orgasm, and she nearly panicked at the thought of going over the edge
without him. "Now, Jeffrey. Come now."
He barely heard her, but something deep inside of him
responded to her desperate plea and was unleashed. His yell cut through the
room like a breath of fire, shattering what little silence had survived their
passionate coupling. He came hard and fast deep within her, letting out a
pleasurable whimper as he felt her respond with a hard climax of her own, her
inner muscles squeezing every last drop of life out of him. His eyes teared under the strain and his jaw was slack in the spent
yell and undeniable pleasure.
A short, sharp shriek emerged from Salida's mouth in
place of her usual scream, but her orgasm was no less intense for that. And
once the intensity of her release flowed away, a deep fulfilling peace claimed
her, weighing down her body. She had experienced pleasure with her husband. It
was a relief to find that she still could. It was more than a relief. She'd
been so scared that perhaps she wouldn't be able to anymore after that
interlude in Boston. But now she knew that she'd never have to fear that again.
Jeffrey slumped against her in a lump of contented sweaty
flesh, resting his head on the curve of her belly as he attempted to regain his
breath. He couldn�t speak quite yet, so he didn�t bother, only kept holding
onto her tightly in a fiercely possessive hug.
Salida started to doze, content to simply be with her husband. It didn't matter
that they were both sticky and sweaty. Nothing mattered except that Jeffrey
loved and desired her.
Jeffrey was more than happy to follow her every whim.
If she had asked him to get up and perform naked Shakespeare for her, he would
have done it without hesitation. But this was better. This was peace. It wasn�t
peaceful, it was peace. It was a
fresh start for them both. He could feel it.
She woke briefly for a moment and squinted down at
him. "Why are you down there?"
He had been about to explain that he was too content
to move, but it was easier just moving to her side and reclaiming his hold of
her. �Better?� he asked softly.
"Yes. Thank you." Wearily she turned her
face into his neck.
He eagerly accepted the familiar position, enjoying
the sensation of her hot breath on his skin as they bodies attempted to share
body heat. The sweat drying on his skin made him shiver slightly, but moving to
do something about it was not an option at this point. Well, unless she asked,
that is.
Salida was far enough gone in pregnancy that being
cool was never a problem anymore. Indeed, sometimes she got too hot. Something that was almost a first. But lying naked in bed
with her equally naked husband was just perfect.
�Mm,� Jeffrey sighed happily. �I love you, wife.�
"Good. I'd hate to be the holder of an
unrequited love."
�How could anyone not love you?� he asked, not
opening his eyes. �You�re definitely lovable.�
"That's good to know," she yawned.
�Sleep, vixen. I want to hold you and just listen to
you breathe,� he said softly.
"Yes, Lover." Salida let herself fall asleep without
protest.
Jeffrey wasn�t entirely sure if he had slept or not,
the only thing he knew for sure was that he was content and that he was loved.
That was more than enough for anyone.
***
Aida was sleeping fitfully in her husband's arms.
Since coming back with him over a month ago, she'd been having strange dreams
four or five times a week. And this night was not a night where her rest was actually restful. For anyone
concerned.
Sands was awake even though
he was in bed. His wife's sighs and twitching body had woken him from his own
light sleep. Normally he'd wake her, but it never seemed to help and he was
pretty tired himself. So he watched her.
Cool air occasionally gusted through the open window,
damp from the rain and laden with the faint sounds of traffic and surf from
elsewhere in town. It was pretty quiet where they lived; on the outskirts of
town and within walking distance of a small beach. The sound of far-off waves
was soothing even if it didn't help him sleep. Aida and Salida had liked it
though, so this house it had been.
Aida quieted a bit after letting out a long sigh.
When she didn't move for several minutes, Sands relaxed his guard and closed
his own eyes, though he didn't expect sleep to come anytime soon.
Sands, a
whisper seemed to echo through the room. He sat up abruptly in bed and squinted
into the darkness that surrounded him, trying to catch sight of the intruder.
He searched a bit longer before falling back into bed with a groan at his own
idiocy. Who would be calling him now but someone within his own head? He told
whoever had had the gall to try and interrupt his not-sleep to shut the hell up
and leave him alone. This was why he couldn�t sleep most nights. Well besides
the fact that he constantly worried himself to wakefulness over something
happening to Aida. Again he told the voice to fuck off and closed his eyes,
attempting for at least the semblance of sleep if not the actual thing.
Quentin frowned at Sands� ignoring. He had just
wanted to talk to him. He just wanted a chance to be close to Aida. He had been
pushed away more and more lately when all he wanted to do was to hold her in
his arms and tell her that everything would be alright. He had not been given a
chance to comfort her after the loss of her child and that killed him.
�You shouldn�t be forced to do what he says. You love
her. Don�t you? You love Miss Aida,� Sheldon whispered suddenly for only
Quentin�s ears to hear. �You should show her that love. Get rid of Sands. With him gone she will love you.�
Quentin frowned at this. For the past month, Sheldon
had been growing bolder and more malicious every day. He was filled with hate
for everyone including himself. This hate made him strong, stronger than he had
ever been, but he still wasn�t strong enough to take over. Either that or he
didn�t know how. After some consideration, Quentin decided the latter was more
likely. Sheldon hadn�t had the knowledge of his own existence when he had first
come about. He had been unaware unlike himself and Jeffrey that he wasn�t real
in the fullest sense of the word. He believed that he really was a seven year
old boy missing his parents. And this made him weak. �She won�t love me,
Sheldon. She loves him,� Quentin said dejectedly. As insane as Sheldon was
undoubtedly becoming, at least he was someone to talk to.
�She doesn�t love anyone,� Sheldon returned
immediately, his voice sharp but quiet. Quentin didn�t argue. He had at first,
but he soon found it easier to just agree with Sheldon�s comments about love
and betrayal than to waste time trying to persuade him otherwise. �You could
take over, you know. You�ve done it before. You could love her.�
Quentin shook his head. �I can�t do that to her. She
would never forgive herself for betraying him.�
�She was happy with you. She didn�t want him. I hate
him,� Sheldon muttered darkly, his voice thick with the pure emotionless rage
that children sometimes got when one of their favourite toys was taken from
them. �You could make her happy. I like Miss Aida happy. She�s not mean like he
is. She doesn�t love me, but at least she�s not mean,� Sheldon rationalised to
himself.
Quentin did want to make her happy. And if he
couldn�t do that, he just wanted to talk to her. Was that so much to ask? He
hadn�t thought so, but every time he had brought it up with Sands he had been
met with icy resistance. Quentin knew that Sands was a step away from furious
at even being asked because he could feel that fury like ice cubes in his
blood, but he had to ask. He couldn�t just ignore Aida. He was watching her
from a prison of Sands� mind and it was abject torture. He couldn�t take it
anymore. He felt like he was wasting away without her.
�You are. You need her. You love her. You�re good to
her. We can get rid of Sands. I can help you. We can get rid of him. It will be
easy with the two of us. And then Miss Aida will be yours.�
�He doesn�t deserve her,� Quentin murmured. �He never
has. He hurts her.�
�Yes. He hurts Miss Aida. We don�t like it when Miss
Aida gets hurt, do we Saturninus? No, we don�t. She was nice. She gave us
Saturninus. We love her.� Sheldon frowned and shook his head. �No we don�t love
her. She doesn�t love us. She�s like him. No, not like him,
Saturninus. She�s better. But she lied. You go to her. You show her you
love her. Maybe�maybe she will be better to us. Maybe she will love us. Then we
will get rid of him.�
Quentin, trying to tell himself
that this was a good idea, pushed forward through Sands� consciousness and
turned to wake Aida up.
Aida shivered when she heard her husband whispering
in her ear. She didn't want to wake up. Truthfully, she was so exhausted by her
peaceless sleep that she wasn't even sure that she
could open her eyes, much less protest. In the end she moaned and buried her
face in her pillow.
Quentin frowned, determined to wake her. He wasn�t
trying to be difficult and he could see that she was clearly exhausted, but
this might be his last chance to talk to her and he wasn�t about to pass it up.
�Aida, please. Wake up.�
"Whadyouwant?"
The question came out as one slurred word as Aida rolled onto her back.
"I'm so tired, Sands."
�Please, Aida. I need to talk to you. I may not get
another chance,� Quentin whispered desperately.
She frowned at him, not comprehending his words.
�It�s Quentin, Aida,� Quentin whispered softly,
bracing for her reaction.
Aida thought about that, then
her frown deepened. "No. You're not supposed to be here."
Quentin�s heart caught in his throat at her calm
assurance of that as if it were undeniable fact. �Please, Aida. I just need to
talk to you. You don�t know what it�s like, being forced to watch the world
when you can�t affect it. I�m a prisoner Aida. Locked away without hope of freedom
and the only visitor I want is you. Please, Aida. Talk
to me, please. Tell me anything. Make me feel real,� he begged her.
"I would, but this is the part of the dream
where Sands comes bursting through the door to find me in bed with you. And
then I'll suddenly be like, ten months pregnant and by myself."
�You�you dream of me?� he asked cautiously.
"Repeatedly. It's never
a good thing."
�Why not? What happens?� He
wasn�t sure that he wanted to know, but he couldn�t stop himself from asking
either.
"I just told you."
�Sands finds out and he
leaves you,� Quentin said softly. �I would never leave you, Aida.�
"You don't know that, and more importantly,
you're not my husband to be making such declarations." Her face crumpled.
"Please. I just want to sleep. Is that too much to ask?"
He let out a soft bitter laugh. �Of
course not. I�m not like him. I don�t deny simple reasonable requests,�
he said dryly. �Go to sleep, Aida. I�ll either see you again or I won�t.� The
brevity with might have given her pause, but he figured she was probably too
tired to notice.
She closed her eyes, unsure of whether this was part
of one of her dreams or not, but not particularly caring either. She was just
so tired.
�Goodbye, Aida,� Quentin whispered, running a hand
lightly across her cheek. �I love you,� he said even softer. She didn�t respond
and he knew she had fallen back into slumber.
�Now we end it. We make him leave. He was never good
to us. Always mean. Killed my parents, stole Miss Aida. I don�t like him
anymore,� Sheldon said after a moment of silence. �We�ll kill them all, won�t
we Saturninus?�
�We�ll kill them all,� Quentin whispered in return,
looking at Aida as he said it.
***
�Goddamn it, Aida. I know you don�t want to go, but
this has to stop. You�re sick,� Sands said in an irritated voice as he paced
back and forth from the bathroom door after finding his wife hunched over the
toilet for what seemed like the tenth time in the last few days. He had
confronted her about it before but she hadn�t wanted to go to the doctor�s;
hadn�t wanted to face the men that had �stolen� her child away. He couldn�t
really fault her on that so he hadn�t pushed. He was pushing now.
"No," she said stubbornly. Mainly because
she had her suspicions about what was going on, and she didn't want to have
them confirmed. It'd be the irony of her lifetime if she'd gotten pregnant that
one time she hadn't been on the pill.
That day they'd found out she wasn't pregnant.
But Sands wasn't letting it rest.
"We've already found out you're not pregnant, so
that's not it." Sands stopped when Aida's face drained of color.
Words caught in his throat as he gaped at her.
�You�re not serious? You can�t be serious?� He frowned as she looked away,
closing herself off to him at his words. �That�s-that�s not what I meant. I
mean�what are the chances? Are you sure?�
"Wouldn't it be ironic?" she whispered.
"The one and only time I haven't used the pill since the last scare was
the day we found out I wasn't
pregnant. I mean, com'on.
What are the odds?"
�About as high as someone getting pregnant as they
loose their virginity,� he muttered, still staring at her. �Have you�have you
took a test? Have you�� he frowned, ignoring the irony that one who talked
causally about blood and guts over the dinner table would find it difficult to
talk about such�functions of the female body. �Have you missed a period?�
"Yes. But I thought it was from just being
underweight still."
Sands let out a soft desperate sort of laugh. Of
course she was pregnant. Why was he even surprised? She was probably going to
have quintuplets too. Couldn�t let sunrise have more kids.
�You�re going to go to the doctor tomorrow, Aida. If it�s because you�re
underweight, you�re going to ask him for some vitamins or something. If it�s
because you�re pregnant�well we�ll deal with that.� He was amazed at house calm
his voice sounded especially when he felt himself being pushed ever closer to
the edge as time went by.
"If I'm pregnant, I haven't changed my mind,
Sands. I'll give it up."
�Give what up?�
"The baby. If there is one." Aida sat down hard. She hadn't
expected Sands to forget what they were talking about in the middle of the
conversation.
Sheldon blinked at her answer to his question. What
did she mean? Was she lying again? Baby. Child. Mother. No love. Only hate.
There can�t be a baby. She was lying! She was not Mother! Mother was dead! What
came out of his mouth was calm however. Far too calm.
�You�re going t be a mother, Miss Aida?�
"Sheldon?" Aida
was confused for a moment, then shook her head.
Apparently Sands was taking the news ever worse the second time around.
"I-I don't know. Probably not."
�You�re going to be Mother. Mother�s dead. You�re
dead,� he said simply, having not heard her. He looked with wide eyes at the
floor, murmuring to himself as he stared at something only he could see.
�Mother�s dead, Saturninus.� The rabbit was back in the bedroom and clearly not
here. �She�s gone and dead and yet she�s here. She talks. I don�t like to hear
her talk, Saturninus. She yells. I was a good little boy. Didn�t
touch Father�s guns. Never touched them. Burned the house down instead. I stained Mother�s pretty
blue night gown. Gasoline smells funny, doesn�t it, Aloysius?� If he noticed he
called the imaginary rabbit thus, he gave no sign. �And Mother and Father were
so mad! They yelled, didn�t they Aloysius? Were you there? You weren�t there. I
was there. He was there. They were all there. They�re here now, you know. Mother and Father. They sleep under the bed and whisper at
night in my dreams. Do I have dreams? Am I real? I�m not real, am I?�
He reached down to one of Sands� knives at his waist
and drew the naked blade across his forearm before Aida could think to stop
him. �I bleed and yet I feel nothing,� he said numbly. �I must not be real
then. If I�m not real, then you aren�t either.� He turned his gaze towards
Aida, and she was taken aback by the madness she saw dancing in what looked so
like her husband�s eyes. Sands had never looked like this. Even when he was
ranting at things that only he could see, he wasn�t like this. �You�re not
real. You�re a lie. It�s not nice to lie. The red queen will take off your head
for that. And all the good rabbits will hop away with their golden watches.
Liars go to candyland. Candyland
is hell.� He cocked his head and looked at her even more intently, blood
dripping unnoticed down his slashed arm. He still held the bloodied knife in
his hand but did not seem to notice that either. �Can you go to hell if you�re
not real? Embers spit on toys, burning them to ash. Ash tastes like death. Ash
is death. Cremation. Long word.
Learned it from him. Parents were cremated. Burned alive. Like witches. He has
a black cat. Does that make him a witch? He should be burned too then. It�s
only fair.�
"Sheldon..."Aida whispered. She was alarmed
- perhaps terrified - at the words coming out of his mouth. She couldn't even
start to reason with them. But she had to do something. Wetting her lips, she
whispered, "Will you give me the knife, Sheldon? I don't want to see you
get hurt."
Sheldon laughed then, and it was not a happy or sane
sound. �You let him hurt me. You don�t care about me. Why should I listen to
you?� Her question had reminded him of the knife in his hand and he looked at
it curiously. �I like knives. They bite. They have claws. Cat�s
claws. The scratch and tear and bring tears and death. Why didn�t he use
a knife? Why fire? We�ll ask him later Aloysius.� He had begun carving what
looked like doodles into the flesh of his free palm with the tip of the blade
as he spoke, seeming not to feel any pain whatsoever. �Walls closing in,
Aloysius. Snakes slithering up the corners. They hiss
and bite. I hiss and bite back. I break their backs and watch them try to move.
I broke the hamster�s neck, Aloysius. Did I tell you? Teacher was mad, I could
tell, but she didn�t tell Mother and Father. She was scared of us, Aloysius. I
liked making her scared. It was fun. The other children were scared of us too.
They called us names. But we showed them, didn�t we? We killed them all. Or�did
we? We must have, Aloysius. I remember a lot of blood. Why wouldn�t it be
theirs? Why shouldn�t it be? They were mean. They deserve to die.�
Once again, Aida was struck by the sheer amount of
dialogue that she couldn't comment on, much less refute. So she stuck with his
reply to her original request.
"I didn't want Sands to hurt you, Sheldon. I
didn't want to tell him that you had...that you'd lost your temper. He said
he'd kill everyone if I didn't tell, though. So I did. But I didn't want you to
be hurt. I still don't want you to be hurt. Please give me the knife."
�No!� he shouted, descending into fury just like that
before blinking into calmness again just as easily. �It�s mine. You can�t have
it,� he sing-songed. �It isn�t nice to try and take
what doesn�t belong to you. You�ll get punished if you do that. Bad Aida. Sent to your room without
dinner. Sent to the dark and the things that live in
the dark. They talk to me. They tell me secrets. There are angels who
live in my closet. Did I ever tell you? They watch over me. They protect me.
One of them even has a flaming sword. He let me hold it once. Didn�t he,
Aloysius? His wings were soft. I wish I had wings. Butterfly
wings. That way I would be different from them. I�d be special. They�d
take me with them when they flew away. I don�t like to see them fly away. It
makes me sad. They tell me that I can join them if I want to. All I need are
wings of my own. Do you know I can get wings of my own, Miss Aida? They tell me
their secrets, but I�m not sure I believe them. Angels lie, you know.�
"No, I didn't know that." She bit her lip and then tried another tack.
"If you keep cutting yourself, you won't have enough blood you get wings.
I'm sure you have to be absolutely healthy."
Sheldon laughed. �You�re silly, Miss Aida. The only
way to get my wings is to keep cutting myself. The angels like martyrs. Did you
know I knew that word? I even know how to spell it. M-A-R-T-Y-R-S.
Martyrs. It�s a silly word, Miss Aida.�
"Then you're upsetting me. I don't want to see
you hurt. I don't like seeing anyone hurt.
But especially not those I know."
�Don�t believe you,� he murmured, piercing the tip of
a finger and using his blood to draw a smiley face on the bare wall. �Outside
now, Aloysius,� he said after cutting his forearm again. Blood was coming fast
and thick down his hand coating his fingertips and the floor, but he didn�t
seem to care. He even seemed to like it. �Isn�t it pretty, Aloysius? I like
red. My favourite colour. Or was it black? I don�t�I
don�t remember, Aloysius,� he said with a frown. �Red is lollipops and fire
trucks. Red is blood and pain. Mother had a red dress. It was very long and
tight. Father didn�t like it. But lots of other people did. Do you remember,
Aloysius? One of the maids had red lipstick. Was her name Alice? I think it was
Alice. We killed her, Aloysius. With Father�s letter opener. She was scared.
There was a lot of blood then. Blood on our sheets.
Mother would have been upset. She would have yelled. She would have told him
not to clean it up. I�m supposed to take care of myself. That�s what good
little boys do. But I�m not a good little boy. I�m bad. I�m not even little,
Aloysius. But you knew that. You know everything.� He made another cut, each
one drawing closer to his wrist as though that was where he planned to end up.
His hand had begun to shake as blood loss began to whisper its demands, but he
didn�t seem to care. He only wanted to see more blood.
Aida had had enough. Jumping up from her seat, she
rushed over to him and wrestled the knife from his weakened hands, even though
she cut herself in the process.
�Give that back, you bitch!� Sheldon hissed, fighting for the knife with all the waning strength he had
left. There�s another one at your belt.
Just grab that one. She can have the other one. It�s
ok, Sheldon. Just grab the other one. He reached for the other knife with a
nod, glad to have someone helping him.
"I won't let you kill yourself," she
whispered, placing her hand on top of his. The first knife was tossed out the
nearby open window. She just hoped she
could keep the second from coming into play.
�But I need my wings,� he asserted firmly, shaking
off her hand and grabbing the hilt of the second knife. He needed it. She
couldn�t stop him. The angels would help him. Aloysius would help him.
"Not yet. You don't need them yet." She grabbed his hands in both of hers.
"Please, Sheldon. I'm asking you to please stop."
�Let me go,� he insisted with an unreasoning glint in
his dark eyes. �Why should I do anything you say? You�re not Mother. You�re not
even friend.�
"You didn't hate me, once upon a time," she
said sadly. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you better. But what was there
that I could have done?"
�You could have stopped him!� Sheldon yelled with
rage and betrayal clear in his voice. �You never stop him. You never stop any
of them. You let him hurt me. I trusted you,� he hissed angrily, trying to
shake off her hands. �I don�t like you anymore. I�m going to get my wings and
fly far, far away from here and I�ll never have to see you again!� He pouted.
�Let go, Miss Aida. It�s not nice to take things that aren�t yours,� he warned
in an even voice.
"How can I stop something I can't touch?"
she demanded in a soft whisper, ignoring his warning. "How do I stop
something I can't see? That I can't understand?"
�You�you can�t see the angels?� Sheldon asked with a
confused frown, halting his fighting with her for a moment in his puzzlement.
"I can't see what Sands does when he hurts
you." Aida took a risk and slowly raised a hand to stroke his cheek.
"I wouldn't even know he'd done anything if he didn't tell me." The pain of that statement tore at her heart;
it was a truth that applied to much of their marriage. Or so it seemed at
times.
�I�� his voice caught in his throat and he shook his
head, flinching out of her touch. �He listens to you. You didn�t even try.
Leave me alone,� he said grimly.
The knife came away in her hand as he recoiled from
her. As if she were a leper. Or the
worst kind of traitor.
"I did try," she whispered, crossing her
arms over her middle as her knuckles whitened. And because she doubted she'd be
able to say anything to actually convince him, Aida turned away.
Sheldon laughed and it had the desperate edge of a
sob to it. �You don�t even care. You never cared. I just want to leave this
place. I just want to go home.�
She felt his accusations pile on top of her shoulders
- along with what could only be her responsibility for getting pregnant, her
inability to understand her husband when he was himself much less when he was
someone else, Quentin's constant regard which was nearly as bad as being
stalked, etc. - but she didn't turn around and face Sheldon.
Sheldon crumpled at her inattention. She was the only
one he had left and she didn�t care. You
still have us, Sheldon. You will always have us, Aloysius�or was it
Saturninus? and the angels whispered. Come to us. We will keep you safe. We will
love you. He wanted that. He liked the angels. They talked to him when no
one else would. He slumped down to the floor and looked up at her. �Please give
it back, Miss Aida,� he pleaded softly.
"No. I won't let you hurt yourself. Even if I
can't stop Sands, I can at least do that much."
�It doesn�t hurt, Miss Aida. It never hurt,� he said
distantly. �Give it back.�
"No. That's one thing I can't do for you."
�Fine,� he said in a huff, moving to rise to his
feet; leaving bloodied prints on the floor. There were other knives in the
house. There had to be.
"Sheldon, I forbid you to get another
knife."
�You�re not my mother,� he said darkly, moving past
her. �My mother�s dead.�
"I forbid
you to get another knife."
He frowned at her tone, wanting to obey her. She
sounded like his mother when she said things like that and he was a good little
boy, wasn�t he? No�he wasn�t. She was not his mother. He had killed his mother.
He was a bad boy. He would be punished soon. But not now.
He couldn�t be punished if he could just fly away. They wouldn�t be able to
catch him then. With this thought set in his mind he placed his hands over his
ears and kept walking, trying to ignore her.
Suddenly furious - irrationally furious - Aida
hurried after him. Grabbing his wrist, she spun him around and slapped him hard
enough to leave the mark of her hand on his face.
"I am so fucking sick of everyone around me taking knives, and guns, and assorted
sundry items to themselves. Maybe no one else in this household cares if
there's perhaps one day in a week of Sundays that they're not covered with cuts
and scratches, but I do, and I'm not
going to stand for it anymore. Do you hear me?"
He gasped in pain and surprise at her slap, his eyes
tearing. His eyes filled with hate as he looked at her, but he nodded. �Yes,
ma�am,� he said evenly.
Aida laughed a bit hysterically. "And you hate me
now. You're going to blame everything on me. Of course.
Why shouldn't you be different? Wanting to see people in perfect health must be
some sort of crime because I haven't stopped being punished for it
since...since..." She couldn't remember. "Fine then.
Far be it from me to keep fighting a loosing battle." She sat down hard on
a nearby piece of furniture and held out the knife. "Just go right ahead and flay yourself
alive if that's what you want."
He neither moved to grab the knife nor said a word.
His eyes were no longer filled with hate as he looked at her, and his tears
hadn�t fallen. He was the very picture of obedience, waiting for her to ask him
a question or tell him to do something. There seemed to be a slight air of
defeat around him but that might have been imagined for he stood very still and
kept his face free of anything belying his thoughts.
As she leaned back against the wall, Aida closed her
eyes. "I'm so tired, Sheldon." Her admission was barely a whisper.
"I wouldn't be if I didn't fight against this every...single...day... What
do you think? Should I just give in?"
�It�s�it�s not my place to give my opinion, ma�am,�
he said softly. His face must have stung furiously as a palm print blazed
across it, but he gave no outward sign that it hurt at all.
"Why not? You weren't
shy about it earlier. In fact, I got the distinct impression that your opinion
was 'Go to hell.'"
�I don�t want to be struck again, ma�am,� he said
bluntly.
"I'm sorry. That was very wrong of me. I
shouldn't have lost my temper like that." Of course not.
She was the sane one. Emotional outbursts weren't allowed to her.
�As you say, ma�am,� he answered her.
"Please don't say that." It only added to
her load. "I'm not always right."
�I�m sorry, ma�am. I didn�t mean to upset you.� Blood
dripped to the floor from his fingertips, his cheek began to bruise, but he
seemed not to notice. He stood utterly still but his lean form was filled with
tension that belied his distress. It was clear he wouldn�t be far from bolting
should she even move towards him.
"No. You just spoke without thinking."
Because she was supposed to be able to handle anything anyone ever said to her.
"Would you like to go to the beach? It's just a short walk from
here."
�If you like, ma�am,� he said with a slight tilt of
his head as he anticipated her response.
"I, um...I need to get out of the house."
�Alright ma�am. And�you want
me to come with you?� it was his first hesitation.
"I thought you might like the beach. We're in Ireland
you know."
A slight widening of his eyes was his only show of
surprise. �I did not know that, ma�am.�
"Oh. Well, we are." She stood and looked
around her as if she were a bit lost. "It might be a bit chilly on the
beach," she murmured as she located a knitted shawl tossed over the back
of one of the kitchen chairs.
�Should I grab a jacket, ma�am?� he asked
tentatively. In truth, he was a sight to behold and probably shouldn�t be seen
in public. His left forearm and hand were still bleeding slowly, the sides of
his head were bloody as well from where he had clasped his ears to ignore her,
and a nice looking bruise was just starting to rise along his left cheek and jawline.
"We'll take one just in case. But...will you let
me clean you up a bit first?"
He gave an almost imperceptible start at the thought
of her touching him again, but he nodded slowly. �Of course,
ma�am.�
"Alright. Then we'll go
down to the beach.�
***
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More Than Darkness