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Second Chances	By : ZombieWithANoose Category: 1 through F > Drop Dead Fred Views: 3130 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: We don't own Drop Dead Fred and are not making any profit/money off of this.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Authors' Notes:
zombierose3: Sorry this update took a little longer than the last few chapters. I started a career college and it's moving at warp speed, then I got really sick after some dental work. :P This fic will still have updates, though. I promise. Thank you for reading and for your continued patience. :) You are all awesome and I love and read all your reviews.
This is also the last full chapter that I wrote with Halo4aNoose, outside of my edits/additions. The next chapter has a small portion of her and I together, and I have a smattering of the chapter after it with her, but after that it's just going to be me and my friend, Pandora the Muse, finishing this since I don't believe she will be continuing this with me (and Pandora is magical and will help do this justice).
Special thanks to my beta reader and new co-writer, Pandora the Muse, for her ideas, improvements, and awesomeness!
Pandora the Muse: Hi! I usually help zombierose3 by beta reading. I help add a little more wackiness to those crazy gods. The Little Mermaid bit was my idea. I do not own The Little Mermaid nor am I making money from this, I just love Disney and helping friends. :)
Disclaimers: We still don't own Drop Dead Fred, or Monty Python, or The Little Mermaid, and still aren't making a single profit off of this story.
Chapter Six
Things Go From Bad to ****ing Worse
or
Life Sucks & Then You're a Human Cannonball
or
A Cronut Out of Water
Lizzie remained still as the hospital room around her swirled and morphed into a circus tent with herself, Fred, and the gods standing center ring. The change reminded her of the place Fred had taken her to before their goodbye, only this setting instilled her with a different sense of unease. Here she felt exposed, like a cornered animal about to be on display for their entertainment. Looking around she couldn't help but think the room itself was mocking her for her childhood wish from the summer she had wanted to run away to the circus with Fred. But a room couldn't know that, could it?
"Ready for your demonstration?" asked Damion.
Blinking out of her thoughts, Lizzie nodded, and steeled herself out of an ever-growing distrust for these gods. "As I'll ever be..." she said, pulling the back of her hospital gown shut. What have I gotten myself into? "But I'd like to know one more thing. Just what kind of gods are you exactly?"
Damion pretended to yawn. "Step forward."
"But you haven't answered my question."
"Miss Cronut, if you can't even follow a singular command we'll save ourselves the trouble right now and toss you off into the grave. My shovel's waiting."
Lizzie gulped, her mouth running dry. "It's CroNIN," she squeaked, "and I'm not getting tossed anywhere, thank you." Her eyes slanted.
Damion smirked. "We'll see about that…"
"If I'm going to work for you I want to know what you are."
"Why? Have a thing against gods? Are you speciesist? Will you protest working for us?" Damion asked. "Demand equal pay? Well, fat lot of that happening!"
"I still deserve an answer… and," she spoke very slowly in an effort to control her tone, "I'm not a cronut."
"Well you're not getting an answer; you haven't said the magic words."
"Oh not this again…" She rolled her eyes. "Look—"
"You're wasting your breath, Snotface," said Fred from where he sat upon one of the bleachers. "I've been here for decades and they've still never told me."
"Decades? But that's ridiculous!"
"Kinda the point," he lamented.
Damion flicked his fingers, creating a magical force which yanked Lizzie through the air, bringing her to hover before him. Her toes brushed against the ground and he watched her unamused as she tried to wriggle out of his invisible grasp. "It's time to start your demonstration, Miss Cronut. If you're done questioning me?"
"I guess it's not like I have much of a choice," she hissed through her teeth.
"Look at this way," Enzo chimed in, "you've already died today, can't get much worse from where you're sitting, can it?"
"You mean floating," Favian mumbled.
"Obviously, but you do know how I love a challenge," Damion quipped. He pulled back his hand and Lizzie dropped to her knees upon the dirt floor with a yelp. "Probably why I torture myself by bringing in strays…"
"Let's just get this over with," she whispered, slowly pushing herself back onto her feet. She realized now asking these gods anything was useless. The sooner she got out of here, the sooner she could get some real answers from Fred, maybe, and perhaps try to process what this new life of hers would entail.
She hoped for one it would have a lot less of Damion…
Axel, meanwhile, had sat himself down beside Fred, and while laughing, elbowed him in the ribs. "Look, she already seems to be catching on much quicker to the way things work than you did on your first day."
Collectively the gods laughed, putting their fingers behind their ears to simulate devil horns. Lizzie watched as Fred's face flushed and he sprang up with fists clenched.
"Oh piss off! You bastards are never gonna let that go, are ya?"
"Nope," said Cale, rolling his eyes. "Trust me, they never let anything go."
Damion flicked his tongue out at Fred, mimicking a snake as he made a framed photograph drop into Lizzie's hands.
Startled, she fumbled with it before getting a good grip and glimpsed at the picture. Her jaw dropped when she saw the familiar face. "Is… Is that… No. That's not Fred, is it?" she asked, peering closer at the photo of him covered in mud and screaming in terror.
"No!" Fred shouted, appearing in a blink of green light beside Lizzie. "Don't look at that, Snotface," he exclaimed, trying to snatch it, but Lizzie spun around, dodging all his attempts with a wicked grin on her face.
"His first day, actually," Damion answered.
"Oi! I told you to stop giving those out!" Fred materialized a sledgehammer and made a swing for the photograph, startling Lizzie into dropping it. She leapt out of the way just in time as Fred smashed the offensive memory in one fell swoop, then spat on it.
"Are you INSANE?" Lizzie shouted.
Fred just stared at her as if he were confused by the question.
"Well?"
"Well what? Of course I bloody am! Geez, Snotface! I haven't been away from you that long. Did you forget me already? Look at who I work for!"
Rolling her eyes, she let out a breath. "Of course… Why do I even ask you anymore?"
"I dunno." He shrugged. "But if you're expecting me to answer any different, then I'm sorry, but you're just as insane as me." He flipped his hands around, the sledgehammer vanishing back into nothing. He smiled ever-so-cheerfully at her.
Lizzie had to inhale slowly in an effort to compose herself before she throttled him. "Just promise me one thing. Okay?"
His eyes widened to show he was listening.
"Stop hitting me with things!" Lizzie reached out and smacked him on the arm.
"Ow!" He jumped back. "Hey! Is that any way to thank me for saving your life?"
"You hit me with a shovel AND swung a sledgehammer at me!"
"And you're welcome! Now you've got powers, and technically I swung the hammer at that." He pointed at the photograph. "Which I told you not to look at by the way. I can't help it if you chose to be a Snotface and ignore me as you do." He sneered at her, indignantly, folding his arms and bouncing into his slouch.
Lizzie groaned. "I don't know how you do it, but the more I argue with you the less sense you make."
Fred grinned. "Practice."
"Having a little trouble adjusting, are we?" asked Damion, grinning.
The question immediately wiped away Fred's smile.
"Snotface's fine; she can handle anything. Just get on with your stupid show and stop showin' photos so we can get out of here. I've got a lot to teach her and Fishface's waiting for me." Fred sulked back to the bleacher and plopped down. "I'm bored already."
Damion smirked. "Oh Fred, are you that pissed off over a little photo to commemorate the day you dropped dead and ended up on our doorstep?"
"Ugh! I hate you lot," he answered, picking his nose and flicking a piece of snot at Enzo, causing the god to scream.
"Was your first day really that bad?" Lizzie asked.
"Bad? Bad? HA!" He rolled his eyes. "Let's put it this way, when I woke up, it was a much darker scene than the one you got stuck with." He snapped his fingers, a cup of tea appearing in his other hand. Snapping again, a bottle of scotch appeared in the air, pouring into the cup and disappearing as Fred lifted the cup for a sip.
Lizzie blinked. All this needed was an entourage of dolls to accompany him and it would be her childhood all over again, well minus the fact he wasn't jumping up on the table and breaking her tea sets... or filling them with mud, or her Cornflakes.
Axel snorted. "Yeah, it was much darker indeed! Ol' Damion here had Fred thinkin' he'd woken up in Hell! Scared him so bad he pissed himself!"
"I did NOT!"
"Oh god… That's awful." Lizzie looked at Fred with sympathy. She couldn't even imagine what that must have been like. They had all terrified her enough with their faux hospital, but to wake up thinking you were dammed… She glanced at the marred photograph near her feet.
"It was VERY awful," he reiterated. "Bastards."
"But that doesn't explain why you're all covered mud…"
Fred's eyes flashed with a look Lizzie had never seen on him before and he jumped up on the bleacher. Unintelligible stammering erupted from him as he paced along the seat, until finally hopping back down and saying, "It was a long time ago, how should I know?"
"Umm… okay…" Lizzie could tell she had hit another nerve, and decided not to pry.
"Now that we've wasted all this time…" Damion interjected, "Enzo, if you will begin."
Smiling, Enzo stepped forth and swiped his hand, creating a large assortment of decorative pillows within the center of the room. They varied in pastel colors, were draped in lace and ribbons, and appeared to be made of silk. More jutted out of the ground as a wall behind Lizzie, and a web-like netting appeared across the way.
"Oh, can I do this part?" Cale asked excitedly. "I promise not to drop her."
"Drop me?" Lizzie tensed.
"I don't know, Cale," Damion began. "You know how Enzo loves to do this part, and you have been restricted ever since Never-Say-No Wednesdays."
"Oh not this again," muttered Fred. "You know how sick I am of this stupid argument?"
"Come on!" whined Cale. "So I made Adolf Hitler an imaginary friend one time, per the rules of Never-Say-No Wednesdays. Does that mean I should be marked for life?"
Lizzie audibly choked.
"YES!" shouted Fred.
"Hey, your vote doesn't count!" said Cale.
"We'll discuss this later during our ear-circling meeting," Damion said, with a warning tone.
Without realizing, Lizzie had inched closer to her former imaginary friend, keeping her eyes locked on the increasingly questionable gods. "Fred… just a quick question… have you handed me off to supernatural circus people?"
"Oh no, I've handed you off to much worse."
"That's not comforting."
"Pfft! I'm not one of Enzo's girlie pillows."
"Fred, please be serious here. Tell me something? What're they going to do to me?"
His face softened and he stood back up. "Just get through this as quickly as you can. The sooner we get out of here, the better. Remember they can't hurt you. You're like me now, Snotface."
Her mind flashed with the memories of Fred's face getting flattened in her mother's fridge, and of the time he was hit by the fire truck. "Okay." She nodded, suddenly feeling a lot more reassured over whatever was about to happen.
"Now, go and be a brave, little cronut and show them the Snotface I know you are." He smirked at her.
Shaking her head, Lizzie picked her nose and wiped a piece of snot on Fred's shoulder, causing him to feign disgust and convulse. She laughed, feeling some renewed confidence begin to surge through her, that is, until Damion interrupted.
"Alright, enough of this!" he shouted.
Using his magic, Damion flung Lizzie upside down and into the air, throwing her toward the pillows on the opposite wall. She had no time to secure her hospital gown from falling up before revealing herself to the Other Otherworld and quickly felt herself die for the second time that day as the breeze whisked over her behind.
Fred's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw Lizzie's bare bum flying by overhead. He watched, unable to move as she screamed and hurried to cover herself back up before hitting the cushions. The magic held her suspended, but still upside down. A red-faced Lizzie held her hospital gown up as best she could, obviously too embarrassed to do anything else.
At long last, Fred finally blinked.
"OI! Give her some shorts or something! She's got bits flying all over the place!" He noticed the other gods looking at him with peculiar expressions on their faces. "Well?! You can't expect her to concentrate with her bum out in the open!"
Or me for that matter.
His heart pounded and he couldn't even bring himself to look at Lizzie for the moment. That's a position you never want to see your best friend in, he told himself.
"Least now you know all the bits are in the right place," Favian snickered, drawing laughs from the others.
"That didn't mean I wanted to see them!"
"Of course not," said Damion with sarcasm.
"Look, she's my best friend. You think I want to see that, you're sicker than I am! Now cover her up for fuck's sake or don't waste your time if her head's not gonna be in this!" Fred seethed, he'd never felt so angry at this lot, but his earlier thought continued to plague him and he wanted nothing more than to get some clothes on Lizzie before something else compromising happened.
Shut up, brain.
"Flustered, Fred?"
"No! It's just common decency!" His eyes widened. Did I really just say that?
Damion smiled.
"I mean… Look, you've made me solely responsible for her and she's been through enough today!" Fred gestured wildly. "It's the decent thing to do to! At least cover her whose-its and whats-its—"
Enzo suddenly cut him off, boldly singing, "Galore! You want thingamabobs! I've got twenty! But who cares? No big deal! I've—" Enzo was interrupted midstream by a giant pile of fish falling on top of him, burying him from sight.
"Oh look. Herring!" Axel chirped.
Lizzie's eyes were shut tight while listening to the entire, humiliating conversation — and song. She could feel the blush all over her body as she somehow pressed against the wall of pillows, defying gravity. This day just kept getting worse… and now that song was stuck in her head along with the question of when had Fred and Enzo seen The Little Mermaid?
"So then you'd like me to change her clothes?" asked Damion, pointedly as if nothing had happened.
Fred paused. Yeah. Like I'm gonna trust you after that. "Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to do it myself."
"Very well."
"Right then." Breathing a sigh of relief, Fred sat his drink down and popped over to Lizzie in a spark of green. "You okay?" he whispered, crouching down to be eye level with her.
"Just perfect… I've been hit by a truck today, died, and now I've exposed myself to otherworldly perverts!" She managed to crack her eyes open a teeny bit to look at Fred. "Just get me out of this and then please never speak of this again."
Fred did his best to give her a reassuring grin, albeit it came out more as a crooked smirk. "Can't quite do that yet, Snotface. However, perhaps you'll be a bit more comfortable after this..."
Stepping back, he snapped his fingers, ready to admire his handiwork.
Lizzie now wore a purple T-shirt tucked into a pair of shorts.
Well, they weren't shorts exactly…
They were more like boxer shorts.
White boxer shorts with red hearts all over them.
Wait a second…
"Dammit, Damion!"
"What are you blaming me for now?" Damion rattled back.
Fred spun around. "That's NOT the clothing I conjured."
"Isn't it?" he asked, his voice hitching with curiosity as he peered at Lizzie. "Where DID those come from?"
Fred vibrated with anger. "Get those off of her… NOW!"
"Why? Are they yours or something?"
"You very well damn know those are MY jockey shorts!"
Lizzie choked, her gaze wandering down to the front of Fred's green trousers and then to her newly acquired boxer shorts. "I'm so done with this day…"
"What, you wanted her covered up," Damion said. "With all the goodness of your..." He snickered. "...heart." The gods behind him all started laughing like a pack of hyenas.
Enzo chose that moment to pop out of the pile of fish. "You ruined my big moment! Which one of you wankers hit me with fish?"
Bastion snickered behind his hands.
Cursing their names, as well as the day he'd purchased those atrociously froofy shorts when he was human, Fred tried numerous times to replace the boxers with the trousers he'd intended, but his magic had no effect. Damion had overridden him.
"Death by shovel… I SWEAR I'll get my revenge," Fred mumbled through gritted teeth. "Fine!" He turned back to Lizzie, who incidentally had become as red as the little hearts on his boxers. "Just don't soil them. They're vintage and they're the only pair I've got."
"I'll try to control myself," Lizzie remarked with a less than amused expression. "I'm probably going to regret asking this, but exactly how long have you been wearing these?"
"Since 1969," Favian muttered.
"Oh… Oh god… Fred, why?"
"Because that's when I died, no brain! They didn't let me take anything else! Be glad I had any at all."
"You know, it's true," said Enzo. "Mothers always say to wear clean undies in case you die that day. What they really should be saying is wear two because then you have another for the afterlife." All the fish then disappeared, except for one, which Enzo pretended was swimming around. "What would I give to live where you are!" he sang quietly to his new fish and friend.
"There, you see?" Fred waggled his finger at Lizzie before crossing his arms in awkwardness and wriggling his hips. "So itchy without them…" Reaching down, he scratched his behind, until noticing all eyes were on him. "Stop staring or you'll get another eyeful!" he shouted at the group.
"Relax, I'll zap them back to you when we're through," said Damion.
"Oh, how generous to give me back my own jockeys."
Lizzie meanwhile was mortified. She could barely look Fred in the eye. What the hell was the game with these gods?
"Now that Miss Cronut's modesty's been restored, shall we move along, Fred?" asked Damion.
Fred responded with a flick of the V's before blinking away back to his seat upon the bleachers.
"Finally. Didn't think I could ever get him to shut up," added Damion. "Enzo, if you'll proceed."
Lizzie let out a deep breath, trying to pull herself back together. Maybe this demonstration wouldn't be so bad? After all, Enzo seemed the least demented of the gods— he wasn't trying to maim her anyway. Still, she braced herself for the worst because these guys were not even insane; there wasn't even a word for them. They actually made Fred look normal.
"Don't worry. You're in good hands with me and Mr. Herring," Enzo assured her with a smile as he used his powers to gently pull Lizzie from the wall. As if on cue, a violent sneeze suddenly overthrew him, which launched Lizzie straight for Fred, knocking him from the bleachers. Together they toppled to the ground, Lizzie pinning him beneath her as his tea cup spilled and rolled away in the opposite direction of the crash.
"Oops." Enzo sniffled, sheepishly. "Sorry. Allergy season." He resumed playing with Mr. Herring.
"You know," said Bastion, "this recently being a hospital you'd think they'd make it more hypoallergenic."
Groaning, Lizzie warily lifted her head up from Fred's shoulder. "You've got to be kidding me… How in the hell does a god have allergies?" she asked, disoriented from her recent stint as a human cannonball. So much for not being maimed by Enzo.
Fred blinked several times, before Lizzie's question processed in his mind. "The bastard doesn't," he answered, before gently helping to push her up from his chest. "Listen," he whispered, "you want to stop them in their tracks? Next time they try and teleport you, concentrate on one spot in the room and focus on it, think and feel what you want. Right now they're trying to make you mad enough so you'll tap into your magic. That's the key in the beginning, figuring out how to turn it on. Magic's like a muscle, it needs a trigger to move it. Once you're in control of that trigger, you can move it however you want. Anger's just gonna muck it up, though if you only stick to that, and that's what they want right now."
"Because they don't think I belong here?"
Fred looked her in the eyes and nodded. "That's exactly the reason."
"Okay… I think I understand… sorta," she said, trying to wrap her mind around his advice. There were plenty of things she both thought and felt, but she still didn't feel any "magic muscle" waiting for her to activate it. Truthfully, she still just felt like plain, old Lizzie.
"Remember how you made that tree grow to get us upstairs right before I left?" he asked.
"The tree? But I just used my imagination when—"
Lizzie gasped as the pull of magic suddenly knocked her back to the center of the ring.
"Sorry about before," said Enzo. "So embarrassing, really. Just to be safe, though, Axel's gonna take over from here."
"Lovely. I hope he has a better imaginary immune system." Lizzie rolled her eyes.
"Just don't break her, you twat," Fred replied, throwing a brief glance at Axel before pushing himself from the floor to brush himself off.
"Of course not. I'll leave that job to you," he answered with a snide gleam and a flick of his wrist. His magic sent Lizzie spinning and screaming in a blur of purple and limbs until halting altogether. He left her to dangle upside down, flailing and gasping in protest.
"Would you stop that?" she cried.
"Ehhh. No. We're far from done yet."
"I swear if I ever get down from here…"
"Aw. Don't be angry, Cronut."
Axel's choice of word triggered the memory of Fred's advice, and suddenly Lizzie knew exactly what she had to do. Or so she hoped.
"I suppose," said Damion as he stepped closer to her, "that by now I should offer a bit of an explanation as to what we're doing."
"It would help," said Lizzie, bitingly.
"Triggering magic is never easy in the beginning. Most never even feel it within them. Magic's like an emotion, but different than the others. More so because it'll make things happen."
"So this is how you try to get it to come out," she answered.
"Precisely. There's no real way to explain it other than that. There's nothing mechanical to it, no practicality. Sort of why the off-balanced are better suited for wielding it." His gaze drifted in Fred's direction. "So, Miss Cronut, you've got your work indeed cut out for you…"
"She'll do it," said Fred. "You don't have to worry about Snotface."
"Who said I was worried?"
Axel began ticking Lizzie back and forth like the pendulum of a clock, but she didn't struggle. She didn't say a word. Damion's information had left her unnerved. The magic wasn't innate? She suddenly wondered if an imaginary friend could still throw up.
"So, which way shall we go now?" Axel asked of the others, moving his fingers side to side in sync with the sway of Lizzie's body.
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.
She had to do this.
Concentrating, Lizzie fought against every doubt, every impulse which told her she would fail. The gods were only trying to prove her wrong, just as everyone else had in her short span of life, save for one.
Opening her eyes, she looked at Fred and decided she needed to listen to the only person who had ever seen through everyone else's bullshit about who she was.
Lizzie imagined herself back on the ground, safe, and beside Fred. She let herself feel how much she wanted it, tried to envision moving toward him, and believing it could happen. Her body trembled under the weight, nothing changing, yet still she tried, straining to reach this power sleeping inside her.
Meanwhile, Fred nervously bounced on his heels. Come on, Snotface. Don't you bloody let me down now.
But nothing happened.
The slow laughter of Damion filled the air and Lizzie felt Axel's hold on her release, dropping her to the ground.
"Time's up," Damion decreed. "Thus ends the lesson. Such a pity. I'm sorry, Miss Cronut."
Lizzie tried to sit up, but felt so heavy. Her heart, which had been pounding, now seemed to sink into her stomach. She tried to speak, to look at Fred, but she couldn't move. What was happening? She wanted to scream. I don't want to die...again, she thought, but darkness consumed her and she felt the world slip away.
- 6
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- 8
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Second Chances