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Time Retreating	By : Ladykohl Category: Star Wars (All) > General Views: 8224 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Prologue
- 2-Part 1
- 3-Part 2
- 4-Part 3
- 5-Part 4
- 6-Part 5
- 7-Part 6
- 8-Part 7
- 9-Part 8
- 6
- 7
- 8
Author's note:This chapter was revised on 9/26/05. I changed the quote to fit this part better, and added some stuff to the end. There are various changes through out but just small ones to diction and such. Thanks to Dru for all your help and advice!
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Time Retreating
Part 6
"I love her... I require that she love me in return, or else I am just her slave. I can not tolerate that.�
- Lucius Verenus

Despite what Anakin may have thought - what he may always have thought - I did not tell him I loved him that day on Geonosis solely because I thought we were going to die. I still held out hope that we would live, and if we did live... he deserved to know the person who he loved loved him. If we died, he still deserved to know. We had gone through so much together that it no longer seemed honorable to keep it from him. However, little doubt though I had that we would make it off the red planet alive - I never planned on taking my relationship with Anakin any further. My declaration of love was just that. A declaration and not a promise of anything more.
I never knew why the council thought it wise to give Anakin the task of escorting me back to Naboo. Obi-Wan had been there in the hanger as I rushed to Anakin�s side. As I embraced him. As I kissed him. He never even asked why my affection for his young apprentice ran so deep... and I found myself gliding through space on a star ship with Anakin once again. I knew the young, handsome man would never let me forget my words to him as we entered that arena...
To my great surprise, however, Anakin never spoke a word of what I had told him. During our journey, he kept his distance. He would guard me from the door, instead of from my side. He never smiled, or laughed, or teased. Occasionally I would catch him looking at me from beneath lowered eyelids with a strange expression on his face as though he were waiting for something from me... but he would look away as soon as he caught my eyes. The rest of the time he seemed politely detached. Mostly he had become what Obi-Wan had promised of them that first day that Anakin had drifted in to my life. Invisible. I attributed this, at least in part, to the loss of his arm. He was no longer arrogant and self assured. He was nothing more than an awkward boy who knew not what to do with himself. He must have felt less of a person. Less of a man. The feelings of inadequacy bound him to silence and complacency.
This all changed when we reached Naboo.
I was home again... My mother was preparing dinner, and my father and sister were out in the garden with Ryoo and Pooja. Upon our return, Anakin and I had been met with laughter and smiles from all of them. Everything there seemed so wonderfully unaffected by the ugliness of politics and war. As I stood over my bed packing some clothes for my stay at the retreat, I could not help but feel almost at peace. I let the feeling wash over me - savoring it... almost knowing I would never really feel it again.
And then it happened.
�Marry me.� Came Anakin�s calm voice from the doorway. I halted abruptly, and stood up straight - turning to face Anakin as I did so. His face was expressionless, his hands were behind his back, and his legs were spread slightly. It almost looked as though he were meditating with his eyes open. My heart pounded so hard, I feared it would beat out of my chest. Did I really hear what I thought I had heard? Surely not. Anakin would not suggest such a thing. My eyes questioned him. He said nothing, but took a step in to the room. I stepped back instinctively and shook my head slightly.
�It would be... impossible.� His face remained blank.
�But you love me.� I swallowed.
�I do, Anakin... but marriage is not an option for us.� He stepped closer, but I did not bother backing up. There was nowhere for me to go. With an easy wave of his mechanic, skeletal looking hand - the door behind him shut and clicked as the lock was secured. He had grown comfortable with the hand very quickly. My eyes darted from his face, to the door, then back to his face again. To someone else, perhaps, his face might still have appeared expressionless... but the anger in his eyes went far too deep for me not to see it.
�Why?� He asked quietly, but a quick glance downward revealed both flesh and metal hands clenching and unclenching as his sides.
�You know why.� I answered. A mocking smirk spread across his face, but did not quite reach his eyes.
�For a career in a dying republic?�
�For you, Anakin!� I said forcefully. Did he really think I cared about my career more than I cared about him? �Could you really give up the council - your future - for me? That is something I am unwilling to allow.� Anakin was still for a few moments, and then he nodded.
�You�re right.� He said, but it did little to set me at ease. He was not through arguing. He would never be through. �I could not abandon the council... not when I�m needed the most.� He stepped forward and encased my hands in his. �But I wont give you up, Padme. None of that means anything without--� I pulled my hands out of his grasp.
�I should think it easy to give up something you never had.� I said, standing straight - trying to be an authoritative figure. �Now if you�ll excuse me...� I tried to walk around him to the door, but strong hands pulled me back and threw me on the bed face down
.
�Never had?� An incredulous voice asked. I turned myself around to face him angrily. The pain and anger in his face reminded me of that afternoon he told me what he had done to the sand people. A chill ran through my body, but did not fully take away from my own anger at being treated in such a way in my own house. My own room! �You told me you loved me! Was that a lie?�
�You know it wasn�t.� I said through clenched teeth - abandoning all hope of being formal with him.
�Then I do have you, Padme. You are mine.� He paused - looking deeply stricken. I did not feel sorry for him. At that moment, I felt as though I was done feeling sorry for him. I was done feeling anything for him. This was a man who would not be happy unless he owned someone. �And I am yours.� I straightened my posture up as best I could.
�I do not want you.� I said defiantly - not caring anymore how badly I hurt him.
And that was my mistake.
Before I knew what had happened, Anakin was staring down at me - pinning my arms down with his knees. I only caught a glimpse of the fire burning in his eyes before he crashed his mouth down on mine. He pried my mouth open with his lips and his tongue darted in roughly. I struggled, but could barely move. He was pushing so hard against my mouth that I could not even turn my head. I let out a moan of protest, but he only pushed harder. He wanted to hurt me... just as I had hurt him...
I let out a surprised cry of pain as Anakin�s hand threaded through my hair and pulled hard. The sound was muffled by his lips so ruthlessly attacking mine. He was only making it easier for me to turn him away. Anakin pulled his lips away from mine, and moved down to my neck. My chest heaved up and down as I gasped for air. His kiss had left little room to breathe. I winced as he sucked at the sensitive flesh of my neck. I knew there would be marks... and that�s what he wanted. To mark me as his own. I tried to break free again - but to no avail.
�Please...� I whispered. I did not wish for anyone outside to know what was going on in my bedroom. �Stop this.� Anakin stopped at my neck, and raised his face to mine... and the look of sadness in his eyes was so vibrant that I could not stand it. My heart contracted in a wave of unexpected sympathy and I could not stop myself from raising my head up and meeting his mouth with mine. There was a brief moment, at first, when he did not kiss me back... but when he did, the kiss was soft and gentle. Every time our tongues brushed against each other lightly a tingling sensation shot through my whole body. Anakin shifted so that he
was not pinning my arms down any longer. I waited for the feeling to return to them before threading both hands in Anakin�s soft hair. He broke from the kiss and rubbed his cheek over mine.
�I love you, Padme.� His voice was so full with emotion that I could not help but say it back. He raised his face again to look in to my eyes.
Marry me... He said, but did not really say. The words echoed pleasantly in my head... but at the same time they rang a warning bell. I was letting him in again. I stared up in to his blue eyes and knew then that I could drown in them if he would let me.
And I knew he would let me.
This man on top of me threatened every part of me. Mind, body, spirit... heart. If I let him in he would destroy me from the inside out with love. We would never really be together. We would never really be at peace. Didn�t he see that?
�You are getting ready to lecture me again.� He said with just the barest hint of laughter in his voice. His face, however, was as blank as it was before. I could not help myself smiling a little as I questioned him with my eyes again.
He shrugged slightly. �Obi-Wan gets that look on his face when I�ve done something to displease him. A lecture�s never far behind.�
�He lectures you to help you, Ani.� He was silent for a moment. Something passed over his face, but I knew not what it was.
�And do you, Padme?� He asked. �Lecture me to help me?� Something told me to be cautious with my words.
�I... would never... lecture you unless for your own benefit.� He smiled a little, but his eyes were not on mine anymore.
�My own benefit...� He said almost to himself with a small laugh, then he met my eyes again. Though he smiled, he was angry again... and all the easiness that had been building up around us drained away. Anakin gazed at me suggestively as he ran a finger over my face. �Because an ignorant boy - such as the one you find yourself trapped under - could never know what was good for himself.�
�Anakin... that is not what--�
�Don�t you think I know what is good for me?� He demanded quietly.
�No.� I answered honestly and without hesitation. �But it is not your age which I believe blinds you, Anakin. Do not be as misguided as to think such a thing of me. I know how deeply you feel for me, and it clouds your judgment.�
�Yet your judgment remains unaltered.� He paused. �Rational.� I only nodded - choosing to ignore the mocking tone he had used.
�For the sake of both of us, I can not let my feelings run away with me.�
�You made that exceptionally clear on Geonosis.� He sneered. I did not regret what I had told him... I only regretted what he thought of me for it. I sighed.
�You can not force someone to marry you, Anakin.� He clenched his jaw.
�No... but I can force someone to see that they want to marry me.� I laughed incredulously.
�How will you do that, Anakin? How are you going to make me see? By throwing me on to beds and making me do things that you know I will hate myself for later?� His eyes narrowed slightly. �All the boys who courted me in my legislative youth program, all the politicians - they did silly things like pick me flowers and tell me how pretty I was--� Anakin raised a hand to silence me... and for some reason I obeyed. I knew instantly that comparing him to other men - faceless and nameless though they may have been - was a mistake.
�I�m sure it all came out to the same result.� He said quietly. �The difference is - I care for you enough not to let you turn me away. You will marry me, Padme... and if I have to hurt--� the word hurt was made real by the way Anakin pulled roughly at my hair. I only winced. �You to make you agree, then I will. I am not afraid of doing what I must.� I stared in his eyes... and they were the only proof I needed that his words were true. They were menacing and resolute, and betrayed no remorse for treating me in such a manner. He wanted me... and he would have me no matter what. There was nothing more I could do. Nothing I could say that would deter him from his pursuits. I was trapped with no escape in sight. The only thing left for me to do was give in to him completely. My whole body seemed to go limp at the thought. Yes... giving in would be easiest. I took a deep, shaking breath and looked him in the eyes.
Why did I love him?
�Padme?� Came a sweet motherly voice from behind the locked door. Breaking eye contact with one another, we both looked toward the sound of it. Just when I was on the verge of giving in and giving up my mother came to save me without knowing it. Surely Anakin would let me go now...
Anakin closed his eyes and waved at the door - muttering something to himself that I could not hear.

�Mo--� I tried to call out to her, but was interrupted.
�I think I�ll go join your father in the garden.� My mother said in a blank tone that was very unlike her. I creased my forehead and looked up at Anakin - shocked. Anakin opened his eyes and stared down at me with a corner of his mouth pulled up in a dark grin. He had said that those jedi mind tricks only worked on the weak minded. My mother was anything but weak minded. How could he do that? How dare he do that? I bit down hard as anger came flooding back in to my body.
�Angry, milady? I just want for us to be alone...� The surprised look that fell like a veil over his features confused me for a moment... until I realized I had slapped him hard across the face. The outline of my hand began to redden in to his cheek and my hand tingled painfully from the force I had used. He merely stared down at me... and my blood ran cold as that detached curiosity was again present in his eyes. He reached back and clutched at my thigh roughly.
�Anakin...� I whimpered.
�Shhh...� He said as he traced his hand up my leg, up my torso, then finally rested it on my breast. He looked in to my eyes - and his seemed so far away. I was frightened. �Are you a virgin, Padme?� He asked as he tilted his head inquisitively. My eyes widened.
�Anakin... don�t. Please...� I said as I began to struggle and push at him as hard as I could. He pinned me down hard my the shoulders.
�No answer?� He sighed. �There are ways of finding out, Padme.� He said quietly as his hand left my breast and slipped under my skirts unceremoniously. His fingers parted the folds between my legs and swirled around for a moment in the wetness he found there. I moaned unwillingly as the pleasure hit me unexpectedly. He smiled slightly at me. �You�re ready for me.� He whispered, I swallowed and shook my head... and before I had time to protest - two long fingers entered me cruelly. I let out a gasp of pain that he seemed not to notice as he probed me negligently. The sensation was nothing like when he had touched me before. This did not feel good... the pressure was sickening. He pulled his fingers out of me and I thought I saw a flicker of triumph flash across his face. He had obviously found sufficient proof that I had never been with another man. He threaded both hands through my hair and held my head tightly. All I could do was stare up at him horrified by what he had just done to me.

In that moment... I hated him more than I hated the war that would tear apart my world.
�Say you�ll be my wife.� He demanded suddenly. Tears fell down my face and I could only shake my head. I screamed as he took his metal hand out of my hair and ripped my bodice open - revealing my breasts and stomach to his eyes. �Marry me, Padme!� He demanded again loudly.
�No!� I cried - and could no longer keep myself from sobbing. He stared at me as I wept uncontrollably - gasping for breath and covering myself up with my arms as best I could.
�You think it�s all right to hurt me to hurt me?� He asked calmly - not seeming to be bothered by my tears. �But that I should cower away from hurting you?� He ripped my arms from my chest and held them down on the bed. His eyes screamed resentment at me - but never looked at my half naked body. He was not interested in that. �Did you think it was all right to give me the hope of your love only because we were about to die?�
�An--� His hand was on my mouth in an instant, but I still could not move my arms. He was holding them pinned through his manipulation of the force. It frightened me that he would use it in such a way. It frightened me that he was so powerful - and still only a padawan. He leaned in to me and whispered, �Why was that all right?� I swallowed and continued to cry. There was no hope in trying to explain to him...
He took his hand from my mouth and his eyes seemed to almost soften as he ran the back of it over my wet cheek.
�It doesn�t have to be like this.� He said - his voice carrying just the slightest bit of desperation. �Just give in to me... marry me. Stop hurting me... let me stop hurting you.� My eyes left Anakin�s face and found the door. I did not even think before I began to scream as loud as I could for someone - anyone - to help me. Anakin�s mouth was on mine immediately - drinking my screams. Stealing them from me. It was a bruising angry kiss that had nothing to do with love or pleasure. I fought to get free, but his concentration never broke, and my hands were never freed of their invisible restraints. Hate was their source... hate, desperation, and anger.
It was the dark side that kept me pinned to that bed.
Anakin�s tongue invaded my mouth as brutally as his fingers had invaded my depths. His teeth pushed painfully against my lips and a sickening metallic taste filled my mouth. I was tasting blood. Whether it was his blood or my own, I was not sure. His hands clenched my breasts in a grip that would have killed me had it been around my neck and I cried out in pain... he drank those cries in as well. He began to rub one of my sensitive nipples between the thumb and fore finger of his flesh hand. His mouth followed - sucking and licking the soft mounds as his hands caressed me. I sucked air in to my waiting lungs.
Anakin got up on to his knees and I could feel the force aiding him as he slid my skirts down my legs. I kicked and protested, but soon my legs were incapacitated as well. I found myself completely at his mercy - naked except for the ruined bodice about my shoulders, and unable to move. His eyes raked over my body as he ran his hands up my legs from my knees to my inner thighs. I shivered. He lowered himself down on top of me and I could feel a hard lump pressed up against my stomach. I knew what it was this time. The things that he was doing to me were exciting him...
And I realized that I was no longer crying.
He braced himself against the bed as his fingers found the spot far below my stomach that I had not even realized was aching for his touch. I closed my eyes and moaned loudly at the sensation. I could feel his eyes watching me... his fingers rubbed the sensitive wet skin roughly and I began to shake from the intense feelings coiling up somewhere inside me. I clenched tightly at the sheets and turned my head in to the pillow I was laying on. I let out another loud moan as Anakin began moving one finger over the most sensitive spot over, and over, and over again.
�Yes!� I cried out. I never imagined anything could feel so wonderful. I never imagined mere fingers could create such a response from my body. One last hard push against the hard nub in the middle of the liquid heat between my legs, and the contact ceased.
�... Open your eyes.� Anakin demanded softly. I hesitated for a moment, and then obeyed. He brought his hand up to my eyes and rubbed his glistening fingers together. �This is your gift to me.� He whispered, and never broke eye contact as he sucked one of his wet fingers in to his mouth. I moaned as the ache he had created in me intensified...
�Do you want my tongue on you, Padme?� He asked, taking the finger from his mouth and placing it in my own. I swirled my tongue around it and looked at him through half lidded eyes, even as I knew this was all wrong. He was manipulating me some how. I let myself believe that...
�Yes.� I said deeply.
�Say it.�
I took a deep, shaking breath.
�I want your tongue on me.� Anakin swooped down between my legs and put them over his shoulders. He parted my wet folds again, but this time it was his tongue that met the warm damp center of my body. I arched up off the bed and my hands wove their way through his hair... I never even noticed that I was no longer being held down. He sucked gently and I gasped. He moaned in to me and it vibrated through out my whole body. I began to roll my hips up and down while holding his head firmly in place, pushing myself deeper in to his warm mouth. I let go of his head and raised my hands to the bed posts - gripping tightly.
�Gods, yes! Anakin!� I called out - not caring who heard me... though I had a vague suspicion that Anakin had taken care of that problem anyway. He began moving his tongue quicker against me. I looked down at him as he devoured me. The image was so erotic - I felt a new rush of wetness pour from my body. Anakin groaned and clutched at my thighs as he drank my juices greedily.
�More! Oh, gods, more!� I panted out. He closed his mouth over the hard nub and sucked in harshly. I bucked against him and cried out in ecstasy. His hands found my breasts again and I covered them with mine as he fondled them...
Suddenly the pleasure stopped, and Anakin sat up. I watched as he shed his clothing and soon he was as naked as I. He lowered himself on top of me once again and I felt the warm hard length of his arousal against me. He took it in his hand and guided it to the entrance of my womanhood. I held tightly to his shoulders and he held my hips with his metal hand. I could see him swallow and he met my eyes...
Slowly, he pushed himself in to my body - his face contorting with pleasure as he got deeper. I dug my nails in to his skin and clenched my eyes shut waiting for the pain. I heard him take a deep and unsteady breath... and a second later he rolled his hips in to mine and he was fully sheathed in my depths. My eyes opened wide and I screamed. The pain was searing... threatening to tear me in two. I felt as though I was being burned alive from the inside. Anakin looked terrified.
�I�m sorry.� He said with his eyebrows knit together. �Padme... I didn�t mean to hurt--�
�Shhh...� I said as I closed my eyes trying to concentrate the pain away. After a few moments I began to move my hips against his - feeling his hardness slide against my inner walls. He gasped in surprise, but soon was moving with me. Before long he was pumping in and out of me at a steady, delicious pace. Each time he pounded in to me I whimpered with pleasure and pain in his ear.
�You feel so good!� He called out... and the pace quickened. Our sweat slicked bodies moved together up and down and the bed creaked loudly under us. The sound only made the experience more pleasurable. Our passion was creating that sound. �I�m inside you, Padme!� He whispered harshly. I cried out as the pleasure that had been building up came to a thunderous climax. Anakin bucked hard against me with a roar and I felt something warm and smooth spill in to my body... I kept moving against him - riding out the intense waves of my climax and wanting his seed deep inside me...
Anakin collapsed against me - matted wet hair against my chest - panting. We laid silently as we both tried to catch our breath. I shivered as the sweat on my body began to cool...
Something was not right with Anakin.
I creased my forehead and was going to ask what was wrong, but he had raised his head up, brought his lips down to mine, and began to kiss me... but the kiss was not rough or lustful... and he was not trying to hurt me. This kiss was desperate, sad, and quite loving. His hands held my head to him as though he were afraid that I would disappear. He pulled away and I could see that he was shaking heavily. Slow tears fell down his cheek and he looked terrified. He leaned down.
�I love you so much...� He whispered hoarsely in my ear. �I�m not a good man, Padme.� I caressed his head in the crook of my neck.
�Shhh...� I said attempting to soothe away his tears even as my own feelings of guilt and regret were beginning to show themselves.
�How can I treat you this way?� Tears began to sting at my eyes as I wondered the same thing... and also, I wondered... how could I let him? It was just as much my fault as it was his. I could not control my feelings for him and allowed myself to get in to these situations that were impossible to get back out of. I knew that it would keep happening just this way... I was bound to him. I loved him. Why I loved him... how I was even capable of loving him after his treatment of me - I did not know. I would never know. He terrified me... but he owned me in a way that made me tremble. If I gave in... maybe we would know some kind of peace. Maybe we could stop hurting each other as he had promised. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The next words that I spoke came from my mouth almost as though they knew better than I did... as though someone was pulling them from me.
�I�ll marry you." Anakin picked himself and looked me in the eyes... in them I saw a glimmer of hope and confusion.
"Marry me...? How could you agree to marry me now?" I looked at him - unable to answer for a few moments. I was as unsure as he... but I knew he would never stop. He would pursue me as relentless as ever if I had turned him away. He would take his agony out on me again and again... and would ruin us both. If we were to be ruined in any case - then we were to be ruined together through love and not anger. As husband and wife.
"I love you, Anakin... that is the only answer I can give you." Anakin swallowed and closed his eyes. He dropped back down and embraced be tightly.
"Padme..." He whispered - his voice full of triumph and happiness. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him - still shaking from what had just happened... I was ashamed at my weakness, but glad that the games were over. I had brought this all down on my own head. I had lead Anakin down this path, and now we would both pay for it.
Gods how we would pay.
- 6
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- 8
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Time Retreating