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Thin Air	By : Daiyu_Amaya Category: Star Wars (All) > Slash - Male/Male Views: 987 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Do not own Star wars or Star wars clone wars ect, and I do not make any money off of it.

Chapter List
- 5
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Tears streamed down my face running into my beard, the pain-causing me to quiver. How could I be so selfish? My nails dug into my skin, how could I let this happen?
I should have told someone about the child, I should have told the council about it-should have tried to stay out of combat long enough to give birth to it and then returned.
Not just dive headlong into the war, and now it was too late to be sorry. It was too late to even...It was all just too damned late! I had hurt Kix with the truth of what I had done, I had hurt Anikin with my lies, I trembled as I pulled the knife from my boot, feeling the blade on my skin I hesitated.
I shouldn't do this...But, it hurt. It all hurt. Kix had told me that I could talk to him, but that was unfair to Kix. It wasn't Kix's fault that I hadn't died with my child as I should have.
I'd lost Cody, Rex, and the child, I couldn't keep living like this. Knowing that I had failed in so many ways, Anakin would be alright, he had Ahsoka, they would keep each other afloat.
After all, I was really only around for battle these days, they had a friendship, a partnership that should and could last for a very long time. Who was I to get in the way of something like that? Who was I to live when so many others, so many good people died-I was only wasting space, Qui-Gon had given me a job and I'd completed it, wasn't it time for me to join the force too?
I slid the blade against my skin, feeling the burning sensation. It felt like bliss, it felt like nothing. Blood dripped steadily down my arm, staining my clothes a pinkish color that slowly darkened and spread out. It would be alright, I would join the force as I should have years ago and everyone would be free of the pain I brought them...
"Shit, here help me get him in a seated position." The voice sounded far away and close at the same time... "Obi-Wan?" Cody. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. Why of all times had the man come to me? I knew I was going to die tonight, just like I should have, but here was Cody...
He shouldn't suffer watching me die, he should just have heard about it, and breathed a sigh of relief at being rid of me. A sob slithered out of my mouth as tears gathered in my hair.
"Obi-Wan? Please don't die on us." I felt something smooth land across the heated flesh I'd sliced through and shivered at the cooling effect of Bacta before passing out again.
"What could have caused this? Do you think...Maybe we did this to him?" Oh, I hadn't thought that maybe they would blame themselves for something I'd done... Maybe I should have written something so no one would blame themselves for my death, that would have been the unselfish thing to do right? "No."

I felt movement around me and someone placed a glass at my lips, the water causing the burning pain in my throat to dissipate a little. Drinking I wondered why I was still in my rooms rather than the healing halls...Where they would have pitied me and then told the council what I'd tried to do and why I'd tried to do it.
Opening my eyes I noticed how tired both of them looked, had they kept a vigil over me? Both were on either side of me in my bed, when had I been moved to my bed? "Obi-wan?" I tilted my head towards Cody. "You weren't the reason for tonight." They shouldn't worry about me...They should have left me to die, why had they come to me tonight of all nights? Warm fingers slid through my hair, Rex. Cody ran his hand up and down my back, both of them easing me into sleep.
I woke to the smell of food and caf. I was pretty sure I'd gotten rid of everything, I had accumulated my belongings so that no one would have to bother with them much and cleared whatever foodstuff other than the box of tea I'd been unwilling to part with. I idly wondered if they had brewed me a cup of tea while they were at it. I groaned as I pushed myself out of bed and found both of them in the kitchen, muttering lowly to each other.
Now that it had been pointed out to me in no uncertain terms, I could see that they cared deeply for one another. Rex was comforting Cody, it made my heart ache. They spoke Mando'a perfectly, it only brought back memories of the time I'd spent with Satine...Brought back her death. Another person I'd failed as I had failed so many before her and my child.
"Sir?" Rex wasn't taking any chances, he was going to play good little soldier. That should have made me happy, to know that he'd gotten over whatever it was that had made him do things that were for lack of better words wrong.
It didn't, it only made me sad. Only made me wish that things could be very different right now, made me wish that we could go back before all of this had happened. "Thank you...I realize that you must have questions, but it's rather personal, and I...I don't think I can share it with you."
Cody took in a sharp breath. "Obi-Wan, you tried to kill yourself! We know what would have happened if we took you to the healing halls, the least you could do is at least be honest. Did you want to die or?" Oh. No that wasn't how this was going to work. It couldn't work out that way, Cody shouldn't know how much I had wanted to die last night. It would only hurt him.
"I don't see how that information is pertinent to you commander." Both of them gave me looks of confusion, maybe even pain, but I couldn't do this, I couldn't keep hurting them just by being near them, everything had changed when they started to attack me when they revealed themselves to be the ones attacking me. The plant that had gifted me with a womb had done so much more harm and they didn't need to see me fall apart.
If I hadn't had a child growing inside of me, this wouldn't have happened. I seriously doubt I would have actually attempted to kill myself if I hadn't been pushed so far by the loss of my child.
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Thin Air