Adult-FanFiction.org : Movies

Dark Lullaby	By : ZombieWithANoose Category: 1 through F > Drop Dead Fred Views: 1781 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: We don’t own Drop Dead Fred, the Twilight Zone, A Christmas Carol, Full House, or Uncle Jesse, and have no connection or relation to Michael Biehn. Also, we’re not making a single profit from this work.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
Authors' Notes:
**Abhartach is a vampire from Irish folklore.**
**Sluagh is a spirit of the restless dead.**
**Gadaí is Irish for thief.**
**"All mouth and no trousers" is British slang for "All talk, no action."**
For sonambypamby, magicmacabre, and ThisisTania_a for their reviews, patience, and motivational pokings to get this posted.
zombierose3: Here's the chapter at last! I'm SO sorry that took so long. I have two jobs and only one day off a week. :( I promise we're gonna keep going on this one and Second Chances, it will just be slow. Please review, the comments let us know what you like so we can make sure we keep it up. :) Thanks for still reading! Hope you enjoy! (We got the next two chapters written and are editing them.) We'd love to hear what you think of Fred's family.
unleashthewords: I hope you enjoy this chapter. Fred's family is hilarious to write and I hope it made you laugh. Because I'm a nerd my love for certain fandoms sometimes shows up in my work. There is an homage to a certain character from a certain video game series in here. I'm wondering if any fellow fans will pick up on it. I even included a quote of his. I'll let you know in the next author notes who it is. :D
**Disclaimers: We don't own Drop Dead Fred and we aren't making any profit from the story. Ade Edmondson (The Young Ones and Bottom references), Fatal Attraction, Little Red Riding Hood, Joan Crawford, Romeo and Juliet, Cathy and Heathcliff, Mark Antony and Cleopatra, Hitler and Eva Braun, Maury Povich, Tiny Tim, The Little Mermaid, and Home Depot don't belong to us either. (If they did that would be weird.) As mentioned above, there is an homage to a certain character from a certain game. A quote of his is used as tribute only.
Chapter Six
The Little Incubus
Together, Fred and Felicia approached the two, large doors at the end of the hall. Fred found them unnecessarily ominous in an already grim setting. They were just as black as the walls, the only sign of their presence being their shimmering, silver handles. Two incubi standing on either side of the doors opened the way for them and Fred took a deep breath as he entered into his own personal hell.
The council room was massive. All of Lullabi could fit inside it with room to spare. Dim trails of light led Fred down the aisle toward the room's center, his lilin eyes easily adjusting to the dark. The cold floor against his bare feet felt smooth, its blackened marble shimmering under his steps. He heard whispers swirling around him from the onlookers, their laughter and jeers, and kept his head down. The light above intensified as he moved forward and Fred wished it would take mercy on him and burn him alive.
So, this is where it ends. Under a spotlight without any trousers on, he thought, staring upward. He noticed the mysterious light crept out of the expanse above as though it came from nothing. The sight made him feel both empty and small, like the darkness might swallow him up for all his offenses. He shivered and prayed it wouldn't happen as he stopped in the middle of the room and took a seat. He'd been here enough to know this place. Ahead, he noticed the council waiting like a line of vultures, perched on their towering seats and eager to decide his fate. Fred's stomach twisted. I'm in so much trouble this time...
Behind him, Felicia sat to Fred's right, listening to the crowd's murmurs and snickers. They weren't here for a trial, they were here for a show. She looked at Fred, his posture rigid as the jeers continued, and she wanted to tell the crowd off. He was one of them, whether he or they wanted to admit it. She just needed to show all of them, especially the council. Straightening her spine, she waited for the council to speak, but a blonde guard waved at Fred.
"Don't worry, Lorky. I'm here!"
Every muscle in Fred's body tensed. He knew that sickly sweet and perky voice, and sneered as Lila waved at him again. "That's not a comfort."
"Lila," said a succubus from the council, "you are not permitted to speak. It's against the rules."
Fred recognized her immediately. Dahlia. She'd always been a stickler for lilin laws, and against his opposing lifestyle choices. He vaguely recalled telling her once to go shag her rule books instead of pissing on his business. As great as it had been, he hoped she'd forgotten...
Raising her dark brows, Dahlia's gaze met Lila's. "Refrain from speaking to the accused." Lila nodded.
"Yes, please," uttered Fred to himself as another succubus huffed out her breath. Her tanned skin contrasted with that of her lighter skinned counterpart.
Oh great! Not her, too. Fred rolled his eyes. She out evils the Megabitch times a billion squillion.
"Lila, the Hopeless," said the second succubus, "I will only warn you once, and then you will be removed if you cannot contain yourself."
"Romantic," Lila corrected, her voice low. "It's Lila, the Hopeless Romantic. I'm not sure why everyone always forgets that last word."
"Because it's not as true." Fred snickered and received a glare from both succubi.
"Lila, remain silent during the proceedings," the second succubus repeated, "or you will find yourself hopelessly removed from your post, and in isolation. Have I made myself clear?"
"Yes, Padma. My apologies." Lila bowed her head.
"And you," Padma continued, her eyes sharp and unforgiving, "Lorcan, the Virgin Shame."
Fred jumped and pointed at himself, his expression that of feigned innocence.
"You have a talent. Lying with your own face. I hear any further snide remarks, and trust me, you won't like how creative I can get when it comes time for your sentencing."
Can't stop me from thinking them, though. Fred forced a smile, fighting against rolling his eyes. "'Kay!" he said. Still an Ultra Megabitch after all these years. Big, fat arse surprise. Maybe a house'll drop on her, though.
The council started speaking amongst themselves and Fred's urge to run had never been stronger. Everyone here, save Felicia, and regrettably Lila, wanted the council to lock him away, or worse. I hate coming home, he thought, but a comforting and familiar sensation reached him amidst the hostile vibrations. Turning his head, Fred immediately discovered it came from his mother.
Her loving eyes were like two pools pulling him back to his childhood where he felt small and vulnerable. He couldn't believe after all he'd done, she still looked at him with her soft way that held no judgement. It's why he'd never been able to hide anything from her. She only wanted answers and to soothe him. He loved the feeling, but his own guilt made it too much to bear. Why couldn't she just hate him for running away like everyone else?
Turning from her watery smile, he accidentally locked eyes with his father. Andras wore a scowl, perfected after years of dealing with Fred's messes, and as expected, said nothing. There was no anger, but rather agitation. His mother leaned against his father, clutching his arm. Fred sensed the anxiousness emanating from them both and his guilt resurfaced.
An incubus on the council cleared his throat, breaking Fred's thoughts and commanding everyone's attention. He was tall, with shoulders nearly as wide as his high-backed chair. His dark skin made him almost blend in with the obsidian room and his scowl was a perfect imitation of Andras', which he directed at Fred.
Serious Sirius. What a wanker, thought Fred.
"Before this trial officially begins, I wish to address a unique situation," he said with a deep and booming voice. Sirius' last words were said with mild disdain and his scowl seemed to say it was all Fred's doing.
"We have various witnesses from neighboring realms who are not used to our ways," he explained. "The council will, therefore, make accommodations for them. We ask that you censor your language while they are present. We also request that you please attire yourselves." He held up a hand when the crowd's murmurs started. "While I understand that this goes against our nature, and some may find it uncomfortable, we wish to be gracious hosts and not cause them distress. If any find this to be too uncomfortable, we ask that you leave the council room."
"Yeah!" Fred whooped. "About time I get some ruddy trousers back!"
Sirius glared at Fred. As one, the council used their powers, black smoke swirling around them, wrapping them in dark, silk material. Sirius stood so every lilin observed the small piece of fabric around his waist just long enough to cover his groin. Beside him, the succubi covered their breasts in black swaths and every lilin present followed the council's examples. Sirius nodded to the guards and their magic swiftly draped Fred in his own obsidian loincloth.
"Fuck! You've put me in a mini skirt!" Fred exclaimed, garnering a harsh glare from Sirius. "Come on! I look like Tarzan! This covers as much as a rubber johnny!"
"Lorcan!" Sirius' voice echoed off the wall, ringing in every lilin's ears. "The council has asked everyone to watch their language! While the witnesses are not yet present, I suggest you act like they are!"
"This is injustice! Preposterous!" He spat. "Watch my language and wear a skirt?! You can practically see my wangle dangles! This cock doily isn't clothes! And I'm uncomfortable watching my language under these circumstances! I should get to leave, too." He crossed his arms and huffed, glancing at Felicia. She shrugged at him.
"Would you prefer we muzzle you?" Padma asked, the gleam in her eyes showing how she felt about it.
Not surprised she knows what that is, thought Fred, curling his upper lip in disgust.
Rolling her eyes, Felicia looked at Padma, who didn't disappoint in her constant remarks and threats against Fred. Felicia observed Fred's scowl. Of course he would turn into a drama queen about wearing a loincloth and having to censor himself. She shook her head. He had just cried about being naked and now he wasn't happy wearing something that would keep him from being naked. Fred was a pain in the ass, but he was her pain in the ass to represent and help. She offered him a small was nothing that could be done about it. Part of her felt bad, but she was also dying to see how things proceeded.
"We will also adjust the lighting so that our guests may see," he added, ignoring Fred and sitting back in his chair. Fred found some satisfaction in the fact that he glimpsed Sirius grinding his jaw in annoyance, but then he realized what he'd said.
"No, no no, no!" he cried. "Don't do that! The witnesses don't need to witness any more! In fact, they don't need to see at all! Let's blindfold 'em and stick 'em in a bag and shove 'em off a cliff!" As if defying him, the room slowly brightened and drew Fred's attention to the familiar faces in the crowd.
His parents sat in the front row with Shea and Gabriel, and Remy waved from behind them. To Remy's right, were their twin brothers, Castor and Pollux. A bald incubus Fred didn't recognize sat between Remy and the twins. Castor wore his usual scowl that he inherited from their father and directed it at Fred, while Pollux offered a sympathetic smile. Both expressions left him just as uneasy. Why were so many of his brothers here?
"Please bring in the witnesses," Sirius called. The guards obeyed, opening the doors at the back of the room.
Namby Pamby sashayed into the room in a rush of pink and grace. Her head high and her arms out, she twirled and landed in a plié, but that's when she noticed her scantily clad audience. Fred watched Namby Pamby go stiff as a board and blush deeper than her clothes. She clutched her wand to her chest and gasped, shielding the heart at the wand's end as if protecting its innocence.
Fucking hell, what's she gonna do when she gets an eyeful of me?
Behind her, Graggy, Go to Hell Herman, and an imaginary friend he didn't recognize nudged her forward. Like a trail of green ducklings, five leprechauns followed them. Herman walked just fast enough that his cape billowed in the lead leprechaun's face and he snorted whenever the leprechaun batted it aside. Fred couldn't help grinning.
Herman's a good bloke, he thought.
Succubi guards stoically led the oddball procession to their chairs. The imaginary friends sat in a row to Fred's left, and the leprechauns to his right. The five leprechauns resembled a row of cabbages and Namby Pamby like a lone, pink flower facing them.
Fred lowered his head, remaining as still as possible. He wanted to hold onto the few precious seconds he had left before his best friends discovered what he was, and he gave atomic wedgies to every leprechaun and their rainbow.
"I didn't know people had this much skin, did you?" blurted Namby Pamby to her friends. "I just can't fathom." Her nervous laughter sent Fred more on edge, but even more aware of the cool air beneath his loincloth.
I was wrong. This is how it ends. In a bloody skirt.
Sirius' jaw clenched and Felicia swore she could hear his teeth grinding. His nose wrinkled as though he smelled something foul. Turning his glare to Padma, he motioned at her.
Padma set her jaw, and inhaled through her nose. Exhaling slowly, she turned her gaze to the imaginary friends, then the leprechauns, a polite smile on her face. "Welcome. On behalf of the people of Lullabi and the lilin council we thank you for coming under these bizarre circumstances. We will attempt to conclude these proceedings as quickly as possible." Her smile vanished and she glared at Fred. "We will begin as soon as our last member arrives." She indicated the empty seat on the other side of the incubi.
"I'm sorry, but I have to ask, Your Honor…" said Namby Pamby. "Where do my eyes go? Do I look here? Do I look there? Should I look away? Is there a time limit for looking?" She fanned herself, another giggle bubbling out as she clasped her hand over her mouth. Fred half-expected her to combust into a rain of pink glitter and stars.
Padma huffed out a breath and looked away. Dahlia leaned forward a hint of a smile on her lips. "I understand this is very different for you. Please just try to concentrate on everyone's faces."
"I'll try." She fanned herself again. "My word." Leaning over, she whispered to Go to the Hell Herman, "No one's going to believe us when we get home."
A leprechaun grumbled to himself and crossed his arms over his chest, the bright green of his suit a beacon in the sea of black around him. He scowled at Namby Pamby and the assembly, but the strange, ginger lilin in the center of the room gave him pause. His brows rose, his face scrunching as he tried to place him until realization finally dawned.
"You!" He gasped. "You filthy, naked, suit-stealing deviant!" His shriek ripped through the murmurs of the room and he jumped on his chair, pointing wildly at Fred. "Where's me suit?"
"You're wearing it, ya pixie's snot droppings!" Fred sneered.
Covering her face with one hand, Felicia sighed. This was going as well as she feared. She prayed to any deity listening that it would not turn into a fist fight.
"I got a new suit since you snatched me old one! Now where is it, Abhartach?" The leprechaun made a rude gesture and Fred's eyes crossed.
"Loudmouth, little eyesore," Shea muttered, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at the leprechaun. "I hate that suit. It's just like that other suit. Think I can destroy this one and get away with it?"
"Don't even think about it," whispered Gabriel, worried. "You don't need a trial of your own."
"It'd be worth it," Shea said under her breath, still eyeing the offending outfit with a sneer.
Behind them, Remy poked Castor in the shoulder. "I'll bet you a week's worth of work that the leprechaun and our brother come to blows before this is over," he whispered.
Castor snickered and ran a hand through his dark hair. "That's a fool's bet, but I'll take it anyway. Besides, Baby Brother's pretty speedy. I bet he runs away before the little bast- buster gets a tiny hand on him."
"Boys!" Calliope hissed, distressed by both the leprechaun and her sons.
"He can't kill him." Remy observed.
"That's not the point!" Calliope yelled.
"Vesta's tits. This has turned into a freak show," moaned Shea, covering her ears. Gabriel squeezed her knee.
"Language, Gorgeous. Your family's always so much more interesting than mine," he said, watching in fascination.
"Stupid rules! And I'm not taking that as a compliment," Shea hissed.
"I will!" Remy and Castor said as one. Next to them, their brother Pollux sighed.
The mounting noise in the room almost had Fred's head spinning. Between the leprechaun, the imaginary friends, and his family, he wondered if anyone would notice if he just took off into the night. He never thought he'd see the day when his family seemed more chaotic than himself.
"Um… What's happening?" he hesitantly asked, looking between his brothers and sister. Any other day he would have enjoyed this if he weren't standing almost nude in a skirt under a spotlight.
"What's happening is you feckin' caused this row, ya ginger demon!" the leprechaun yelled as he leaned over the partition in front of him.
"Oi, that's it!" shouted Fred, whirling around and stomping his foot. He remembered exactly who this leprechaun was now... "You're the one I've been waitin' for all these years! Go on and say that to my face, Sheamus." He glared, jaw clenched, and waiting for any excuse to knock him off his chair.
"Gentlemen, please," said Lila. "I need you both to calm down, and for you," she added to Sheamus, "to climb down from there and take a seat." Her eyes narrowed. "Now."
"Calm down?!" Fred's voice hitched. "I will not calm down! This Lucky Charms reject bit me!"
The leprechaun roared in outrage. "I ain't calmin' down neither! Not until this pervert gives me my suit and an apology!" He shook his fist and Fred blew a loud, spit-fueled raspberry his direction.
Two leprechauns on either side of Sheamus struggled to pull him down, but he resisted and yelled even louder. Fred egged him on, a twisted smile on his face as he groped himself and lewdly shook it in his fist. The leprechaun roared and knocked one of his friends in the jaw.
"Ya ginger demon!" he snarled, shaking with rage. Fred spun around and waggled his ass at the leprechaun.
At the end of the row, another leprechaun, who appeared unaffected by the uproar, turned his sights on Lila and grinned at her. "Aren't you a fine looking lady? Ever had a roll in the hay with a leprechaun?" He waggled his brows at her and both Fred and Lila choked.
"I…" Nervously, Lila grabbed her hair and twirled it, watching this amorous leprechaun in shock. "Well, no. I'm, I mean, I'm partial to gingers, but… I don't really know what to say."
Covering his face, Fred muttered, "I think I have new reasons not to come home…"
"As if he needed one more," muttered Shea, rolling her eyes.
"I mean, I'm flattered," said Lila, looking the leprechaun over in consideration. "I've just never been in this position before. Leprechauns do seem a very passionate folk..." Sheamus was still fighting his kinsmen and Lila winced when he hit one of them in the jaw.
"We can get in all kinds of positions," the flirtatious leprechaun said, grinning.
"Stop makin' eyes at that blonde she devil," yelled Sheamus, shooting Lila a dirty look and then pointing at Fred. "They're all evil, I tell ya! Steal the clothes off your back! I don't know what for! They all like to be nude! Ya don't want my suit now, so ya can give it back, Ginger Sluagh!"
"Oh-" Sneering, Fred placed two fingers atop his head like devil horns and gnashed his teeth.
Meanwhile, Remy's eyes remained wide at the exchange between Lila and her small suitor. "Hey, buddy!" he called to him. "She may look hot, but soon it gets scary! Like Fatal Attraction! Try another succubus. Uh, like Emmy over there!" He pointed to a surprised guard with wavy, brown hair just opposite Lila. When she saw Remy, she grinned and winked.
"Hey!" Lila pouted, her cheeks turning red. "I'm not some kind of psycho!"
Remy and Fred exchanged a hard look.
"I'm not surprised Remy knows Emmy," said Shea. "Have you slept with all the succubi here?" she asked, curiosity and awe in her voice.
"Emmy and I go way back. Thanks for reminding me about my list." Remy grinned at the third guard standing closest to them - a petite succubus with short, lavender hair. "I need to ask Harmony over there for a nice friendly f-"
"Remy!" Calliope shrieked, glancing at the guests in the room. All the lilin appeared on the edge of their seats, eager for more of their family's travesty. "Language! And this is not about you! We're here for your brother!"
"Yeah, Remy!" Fred shouted, shooting him a look. "Don't ruin this! If small britches wants to take Lila, let him have her." He turned back to the leprechaun and smiled. "How 'bout a trade? The girl for a new pair of trousers? You don't even need to bring her back! And you can take him with you, too!" he added, pointing at Sheamus. "What'd'ya say?"
"Lorky!" Lila gasped, clutching her chest. "Are you seriously trying to trade me for a leprechaun's pants?!"
"You're not getting any more clothes from us, gadaí!" Sheamus yelled, spittle flying as his face turned red.
"Duh!" Fred said, ignoring the irate leprechaun and tilting his head at Lila. "And I'm not your Lorky! Yech! Stop calling me that! It's gross! My name's Fred! Drop Dead Fred!"
"Drop Dead Fred?"
He froze, recognizing the voice even before he turned and saw Namby Pamby's shocked and flustered face. He cringed, the crowd making a noise like a shocked sitcom audience around him.
"It's you- I mean, I knew it was you, but- Goodness!" Namby Pamby wrung her hands. "I don't understand... What are you doing here? Why's your hair darker?"
"I…" He stopped and glanced between her and Shea. Curiously, Fred patted his hair, wondering what shade it had turned. So much time had passed since he'd seen his natural color he couldn't remember it. Namby looked so stricken. How different was it? Would Lizzie freak out all over again the next time she saw him? Great. Maybe I should get a hat? "Um… I had an accident," he answered.
Namby Pamby's eyes widened and she clutched her wand like a stress doll. "Your voice… It's changed, too."
A rough and familiar laugh rang out behind Fred and he suddenly realized who the bald incubus was between Remy and Castor. His brother Adrian. He hadn't recognized him at first since the last time he'd seen him he'd had a full head of blonde hair. Adrian had always loved teasing him as much as Castor did and his newly bald head made him even more intimidating to Fred. It's almost worse than his punk phase, he thought.
Pointing at Namby, Adrian's voice boomed like their father's, save for it's rougher edge, "If she asks him next what big eyes and teeth he has, let me tell you, I'm expecting someone to eat somebody, and my bet's on the bitey leprechaun."
"Will you shut up!" Fred cried.
"I will when you stop being such a whiny girlie!"
"I am not a girlie!" Fred stomped.
"Just when I thought our family couldn't shame itself anymore… enter Ade," mumbled Shea, covering her face.
"Are, too a girlie! Just like Little Red Riding Hood. Scared, girlie, naked… virgin." Adrian sneered.
"That's not how the story goes, no brain!" Fred scoffed, looking at him as if he were insane. "Red Riding Hood was never naked!"
"She was in the video I watched them film..."
Fred's unintelligible sound hit a note even he didn't know he could make. His cheeks grew hot and the veins in his neck stuck out. "That's- Ugh! This is why I don't come home!"
"I, for one, am glad he did," Remy said to Castor. "This is the most entertaining thing I've seen in Lullabi in a century."
"I know. Soap operas have nothing on our spaz of a brother," Castor said, watching as Fred's face turned redder.
"Virgin." Adrian snickered as Fred flicked the V's at him. "Bet you don't even know what that gesture means either." He laughed harder as Fred reached out, wishing he could grab his brother and shake him.
"Alright, alright. I'll give you credit where it's due," said Adrian. "I saw what you did with that mortal. Not a bad start."
All sensation left Fred's body and he was sure he'd forgotten how to blink. He'd be stuck staring at Adrian's stupid, smug grin forever. "Ahh!" he shouted. "Why, why, why did you see that?!"
"Um, because it's my job. Supervision. Duh!" Adrian rolled his eyes and Fred noticed his other brothers, and even his mother, suddenly looking interested in the story. "You know, when you blush you match the shade of a nipple."
"Ade! Good god! I'm nothing like a nipple! You that back!"
"Not today, Virgin Nipple of Shame."
"Ugh! Well- Well, you're so bald you look like an ugly penis!" Fred shouted.
Adrian smirked. "I know. The ladies love it. Really gets 'em going."
Namby Pamby's titter broke through the tension and Fred turned back to find a tight-laced smile plastered on her face.
"I don't understand a word of this," she said. "Jiminy Crickets! Help me, I can't get this grin off my face." She patted her cheeks and laughed, half-hysterical. "Fred, you're so-" She squeaked, her gaze passing over his body. "It's you… but-" She giggled. "My goodness, there's-" She laughed again. "I've never seen- There's so much of you!" She crimsoned and covered her mouth, stifling another laugh.
"I know. We have the best view of him." Castor snickered.
"Ugh! Who invited you?" Fred glared at his eldest brother. Why couldn't he be as silent as his twin, Pollux? "Mum, why do I have to have so many brothers?" He whined.
"Cuz Mum and Dad have coitus a lot," quipped Adrian.
"Ugh! Stop talking!" Fred threw his arms up. What he wouldn't give to just be an imaginary friend again, clothed, and not hearing about his parents' sexcapades.
"Brothers?" Namby Pamby whispered. "Fred has… brothers? When did this happen?"
"Namby… Don't you get it?" asked Go to Hell Herman. "Fred's this Lorcan fellow they dragged us here for… and he's got a very strange family."
"He's not like us," said Graggy, sending Fred a remorseful gaze.
"Oh my great stars! Fred, you're one of them?" She motioned to the rest of the lilin.
"Well, yeah, technically, but I'm also one of you guys." He smiled in reassurance, but none of his friends appeared convinced. "I've been one of you for years. You know that. I'm Fred."
"But we didn't know you're also one of the…" Namby Pamby paused and whispered, "...naked people."
Shea let out a small snort. She jumped when she was elbowed by both Gabriel and her mother. Grumbling, she crossed her arms over her chest. "He's basically naked."
"I'm not naked!" he cried, voice cracking, but he glanced down at his tiny loincloth, which left little to the imagination. Huffing, he crossed his arms over his chest and tried to cover himself.
"He was naked five minutes ago!" Remy called over to the imaginary friends. "You would've gotten an eyeful then."
"Remy!" cried Fred, stomping his foot. "Generous, but not helpful!"
"Oh my!" Namby Pamby flushed, her eyes widening so much Fred thought they might pop right out of her head and roll away. "I don't think I could- I'm happy I missed that." She snorted, attempting to stifle her laugh. "Fred- I mean… Goodness there's hardly anything covering all the… naked." She whispered the last word again, making Fred's eye twitch.
"Yeah. One wrong breeze, or fart and it's naked time," said Herman.
"Then let's not fart, then," said Graggy. He watched Fred's loincloth with great concern.
"If anyone does, I'll get a match for the finale," said Adrian.
Laughter ripped through the air and Fred lost it.
"This is all your fault!" he cried, whipping around at Shea. "Now my friends are afraid to fart around me!"
Her mouth fell open. "Really? You want to blame me for your terrible fashion choices and your friends' issues? That's your major concern right now? That your little friends are worried about you and farts?" She made a sound of disgust in her throat. "Seriously, Mother, you should have stopped at ninety-eight children."
Calliope gasped. "I don't regret having our baby. He's my last one!" Fred smiled at his mother.
"I bet Dad's regretting it," Remy muttered.
"I, Sirius, demand order!" the incubus roared, standing and slamming his fist on the table. Silence descended like a thunderclap while he turned his anger at everyone in the room. "This may not be the usual way of things, but I will not have our ways turned into a mockery!" His gaze fixed then on the leprechauns.
"Sheamus, I would ask that you and your people, please maintain some modicum of restraint and keep your tongues civil and in plain English."
"Yes, Your Honor. Sorry, Your Honor," Sheamus mumbled, his head down.
"The same applies to our audience." Sirius made a point of locking eyes with each member of Fred's family. "You represent our people to those who have little or no contact with us. Show them that we are a dignified people, who are respectful of our guests. And remember… no talking is permitted while the trial is in session."
Andras stood. "I apologize to the council on behalf of my family. We will be silent." He turned to his family and scowled, baring his teeth at his children who all looked suitably chastised.
Clearing his throat, Sirius turned toward the imaginary friends. "I would also remind you, that all I have said applies to you as well. Please remember that." Each imaginary friend shrank back without a sound. Satisfied, Sirius retook his seat and nodded at Padma, but the silence was short-lived.
Head down, Fred snickered at Sheamus. "You got in trouble, wee tosser."
Padma turned her glare on Fred. Before she could speak, a black column of smoke appeared. A tall, lanky incubus emerged, radiating a roguish smile as he took in the room's occupants.
"What did I miss?" He smoothed his mustache as his gaze traveled the room.
Scoffing, Padma rolled her eyes. "Late as usual. Take your seat so we may begin. And do not forget your attire."
The incubus grinned and looked down at his tanned, naked body, which was blocked from view by the council's long, black table. "Ah, yes. We're in formal dress today. Delightful." He waved his hand and black smoke appeared around his lower half and dissipated after a moment. "Sexy, isn't it?" He looked over at Fred, winked, and took his seat.
"More like microscopic," Fred muttered, rolling his eyes.
Padma sighed. "Back to business… Lorcan, the Virgin Shame." Padma barked, her dark eyes fixated on Fred. "You will not address the witnesses unless ordered to."
Fred pretended to yawn while dramatically fanning his open mouth.
Pursing her lips, Padma sent a small twinge of magic directed right at Fred's gut.
"Ah, you witch!" he cried, doubling over with a hiss. "I've been hexed!" Fred coughed. Cringing, he waited out the burning sting of Padma's magic that bounced around his insides. Fuck, I hate her so much.
Suppressing her grin, Padma ignored Fred and looked at the assembled guests. "To our guests, I apologize for the unorthodox ways of this lilin and for the delay." A muscle in her jaw twitched. "I am Padma, of the council, and I thank you for coming here from so far away. You have been called to give your testimonies about Lorcan. I realize some of you do not know him by that name, but it is his name here; his proper name," she emphasized, glaring at Fred. "And since the list of offences by this lilin is astronomical, we will begin with the violations he committed as an imaginary friend." Padma said the last two words as if she tasted something bitter. It was subtle, but there, and Felicia frowned.
She had expected the council to be mad at Fred, but this was something else entirely. It was barely hidden animosity, at least from two of the council.
Raising his hand, Fred chewed the inside of his cheek to keep himself from telling Padma exactly where she could stick it. He hated that she used his lilin name like an underhanded dig in front of everyone. "I'd still like to be called Fred," he said, biting his cheek harder. Staying polite already rivaled maintaining his control with Lizzie. "If it's alright with you," he added.
Beside him, Felicia swore a muscle in Padma's jaw twitched. She seemed to either consider his request, or fight for composure. Felicia bet it was more likely Padma just tried to keep from strangling Fred.
"This council recognizes you as Lorcan, and it will not be discussed further," Padma finally responded. She looked out toward the audience. "There are sixteen charges in regards to your imaginary friend job." Padma said 'job' as if the word were an insult, making both Felicia and Fred grind their teeth. "Given the amount of evidence against you in regards to these charges, you have been deemed guilty. Do you have anything to say?" Her eyes gleamed with excitement for his response, as if she craved to put him in his place.
"I have a lot to say, actually…" he muttered, crossing his arm and raising his chin. Felicia gasped, the act nearly choking her, and Fred heard the rest of the room follow like a chorus. Padma flashed him a fierce grin, as if already gloating over her victory.
"Oh, shit. This is about to get crazy," Remy murmured.
"Don't do it," Pollux said, his quiet voice reaching Fred's ears.
"You-" Fred snuck a peek at his family. All of them looked so worried, and though the council had lessened his powers, he swore he felt them like a wave. Pollux's warning sobered him the most. His brother usually remained silent about the messes he caused and chose to speak when it mattered most. Suddenly all Fred could think about was Lizzie. If his big mouth continued with his sentence Padma would never let him see her again.
I hate that old gargoyle so much, he thought, clenching his fists, but he forced a smile at her instead. "You should hear from my lawyer about it, though," he said. The entire room gasped, but Namby Pamby's echoed the loudest.
"I feel like I don't even know him anymore!" she exclaimed.
Standing in stunned silence, Felicia didn't know if she wanted to laugh or cry. It was a miracle. She could have kissed Fred. "Thank you, Lorcan. I would like to address a few things…" Felicia squared her shoulders and met Padma's scowl with a smile.
"As far as this charge goes against my client for failing to close the link between himself and his charge, I'd like to say that he was unable to do so, and this was never addressed by his supervisors. If the persons in charge could not see this error and correct it, how can my client be blamed for an oversight on their watch?"
"If I may speak, Padma?" Dahlia said, her voice softer, but still possessing authority. Her black hair gleamed under the light, falling across her slim shoulders as she leaned forward.
"You may," answered Padma, sitting back and drumming her fingers on the dark surface of the table in front of her.
"Thank you. I am Dahlia, of the council. I would like to ask a question of the imaginary friends' council member who is with us today. Sir, were you aware of this oversight before you were asked to come here today?"
A rotund man, donning an orange and yellow-splattered toga straightened in his chair. He saluted Dahlia and bowed his head as if he didn't know which greeting was customary.
"Uh, I… No, Your Honorableness." He glanced at Fred with clear confusion. "The IF council wasn't aware of that at all. In fact, no IF leaves a charge without closing their old link first." His eyes squinted the longer he watched Fred. "This shouldn't have happened. We don't give new friends to anyone still attached and we've always kept a sharp eye on him. We wouldn't have reassigned him if we knew. We only just learned this evening about his return six months back to Elizabeth Cronin, and he's had two new assignments since then."
Namby Pamby gasped. "Fartacus! You mean you knew he was one of…" She hesitated and leaned closer to him, cupping her mouth for discreteness. "The nakeds?" Fred dropped his head back and huffed, making Namby jump. "Sorry, Fred."
"Yes, I knew." Fartacus sighed. "All the council did, but now's not a good time to talk." He nodded toward the lilin council and Namby Pamby pretended to zip her mouth shut and throw away a key.
Dahlia's finely arched brows rose. "While I would never presume to tell another council how to perform their duties I am more than willing to point out a failing in their ability to perform said duties," she said, her voice as soft as her gaze was hard.
Felicia had seen that look directed at many lilin and felt bad for the strange man caught in its sights now.
"You are telling this council," Dahlia continued, "that your own council was completely unaware that one of its agents had failed in a task, and was allowed to go on to a new position with no one the wiser until now?" Dahlia leaned so far forward Felicia thought she'd fall over.
"Am I?" Fartacus squeaked and scratched his head. "I mean, I am. I think. That does sound like what I said, but it sounds pretty terrible when you say it with that face. Goodness gracious." Red-faced, Fartacus smoothed his toga and looked meekly up at Dahlia. "Would you like me to explain?"
One dark brow rose as Dahlia stared at Fartacus. "It was meant as censure. I am not sure it stuck." She tilted her head, her expression giving nothing away. "I would very much like to hear an explanation. I suspect it will be fascinating."
Fartacus blinked. "If you're wanting someone sticky, that's Velcro Head. My expertise is farting with a Roman fury. My melodies bring my mother to tears."
"No!" Graggy gasped before Go to Hell Herman covered his mouth.
"You wanna get us trouble? Don't interrupt!" Herman hissed, but a muffled plea from Graggy leaked through his grasp.
"Please! Fred'll be naked!" Graggy slapped his friend's arms for freedom.
"Boys!" Namby Pamby said, glancing between them and the council. They ignored her and she raised her wand, ready to strike.
A loud, drawn out fart shook the room as Fartacus let loose. His trumpet stopped his imaginary friends' unruly antics and they each covered their ears. They screamed, but their sounds drowned under the mighty thunder. Chairs shook, the hair atop everyone's heads vibrated, and Drop Dead Fred shoved his fingers into his ears before he fell to his knees. Other lilin clamped their hands over their ears, cringing and staring in horror as the sound shook the walls. Only Sirius, through sheer will, remained immobile as he glared at Fartacus. Shea was both horrified and fascinated. Suddenly, her brother's fascination with snot seemed appealing.
A final squeak from Fartacus and the onslaught ceased, all the imaginary friends panting and trying to straighten out their vibrating eyeballs. Slowly, the rest of the room resumed their seats, casting worried glances at an unfazed Fartacus. Felicia saw that Sirius ground his teeth as he glowered at the imaginary friend who had caused the uproar.
Smoothing his toga once again, Fartacus smiled up at Dahlia. "I'm sorry. Sometimes it takes a fart to regain the order. You know how it is."
"Ya didn't have to include me in that, you know!" Fred shouted, rolling his eyes and blinking several times until his vision righted itself.
"That was a bonus. For certain circumstances," he answered, glaring at Fred.
"Pfft!" Fred crossed his arms. "Being here's punishment enough. Look what they're making me wear!"
Frowning, Fartacus appeared sympathetic for a moment - but only a moment.
Standing, Padma pointed a finger at Fartacus. "Do that again, and it will be the last sound you ever make," she ground out through clenched teeth.
"Yes, Ma'am." Fartacus paled, becoming a perfect contrast to the blackened room. "I should, uh, get back to my story. It's, well you see, we, that is the IF council, run on an honor system. If there's a problem, an IF comes straight to us, or there'll be consequences. And Drop Dead Fred agreed to follow our system when he joined us," he said, glancing at Fred, who casually rocked onto his heels. "And we have no records of him ever trying to report that his link with Elizabeth Cronin couldn't close. In fact, I've never heard of such a thing ever being an issue for any IF and I'm over nine hundred and two-and-a-half years old tomorrow."
Fred heard Padma mumble the words "honor system" and "ridiculous," but his rocking halted at something else.
Closing the link's never been a problem before? Suddenly, he cared about Fartacus' long-winded story.
Narrowing his gaze, the man continued, "As for his new assignments… This is embarrassing... Um, there's been some changes in our security. New IFs have been put to work overlooking the assigned imaginary friends. Trainings might have been rushed. We're still looking into it, but so far we know that Captain Cankle wasn't properly briefed on Drop Dead Fred's... unique restrictions. He found nothing suspicious with Fred's charge being a grown up woman. In fact, Captain Cankle thought Elizabeth was just big for her age…" He frowned in dismay. "And again, we all trusted that Fred would tell us if there was a problem."
"Fartacus," said Dahlia, "I understand that there is fault on Lorcan's side, but for your system to have no checks and balances is very concerning, especially when you have a lilin under your charge. The rules regarding his activities were explained in detail to your council before you took him in, and now you're telling us that he was assigned a new supervisor who was unaware of his supervisory requirements?" Her voice rose an octave on the last word and she leaned forward, her gaze boring into Fartacus.
"Um." Fartacus tapped his forehead, thinking it over. Suddenly seeming satisfied, he nodded. "Yes. I'm certainly telling you that." His smile faded as soon as he noticed the glare from the council. "But I can explain that, actually." He fidgeted. "Uh, I've been told by Wet Willy that everyone forgot to tell Captain Cankle because we've thought of Drop Dead Fred as one of us. He's been with us so long. And he's never caused any problems outside of some manic moments, and every time he's proved safe… I guess it got hard to think of him as… anything else than an IF."
Fred winced at those last words and stared at the floor, balling his fists. It took everything he had to remain still. Well, that's a lovely gut punch.
"I see," Dahlia said, sitting back in her chair. "So, aside from this glaring oversight you have been satisfied with Lorcan's performance as an imaginary friend?"
"Absolutely! He's made every child he's been assigned to happy." Fartacus nodded, wildly and Fred smiled.
Pausing, Dahlia looked from Fartacus to Fred and back. "And you are certain no one knew about the connection between Lorcan and the mortal woman?"
"Yes-"
Namby Pamby slowly raised her hand. "Um, I knew," she said, quietly. Every pair of eyes in the room focused on the imaginary friend clad in bright pink with cheeks to match. "Fred told me."
"When did Lorcan tell you about this?" Dahlia cleared her throat.
Felicia leaned forward, her gaze focused on Namby Pamby. She willed the giggly imaginary friend to help their case.
Covering her blushing cheeks, Namby Pamby took a deep breath as she noticed all the lilin watching her. "So… much… oh my… skin," she muttered. A giggle escaped her and she bit her lip to stop it, resulting in an unfortunate snort. "Oh, I'm sorry! I'll try to stop that." She giggled. "It's hard to hold it in. Um, Fred… he told me the night he left her. Several months ago." Another giggle. "He, he asked for my help." Namby Pamby clasped both hands over her mouth to keep silent as she watched Dahlia.
The gorgeous, impassive face of Dahlia broke into a half-smile at Namby Pamby's tittering. "And did you help him?"
"Mmhmm." She nodded, her eyes big as she uncovered her mouth just long enough to speak. "We tried all night. It just, it's like the link fought back? I'm sorry, I don't know how else to describe it. We did everything right."
Felicia grinned. The information had to help. She looked from Namby Pamby to Dahlia and hoped Dahlia would at least take it into consideration.
Her stoic demeanor in place again, Dahlia noticed Fred giving Namby Pamby a grateful look. Namby didn't notice, though, her eyes avoided focusing on any of the lilin for too long. "And you didn't tell your superiors?" she asked her.
Shaking her head, Namby Pamby uncovered her mouth again. "No. Fred-" She stopped, rethinking her wording. "Lorcan… Sorry, it's confusing. Anyway, I thought he'd tell them himself. She was his charge, not mine." She recovered her mouth.
"And you never discussed this again?" Dahlia's gaze narrowed as Namby Pamby only shook her head.
Letting out a breath, Dahlia looked up at the ceiling. "Juno, give me fortitude. This is the most unorganized and unorthodox system I have ever encountered, and the consequences of said system are problematic."
"So, slap on the wrist?" asked Fred with a hopeful grin.
"Hush." Dahlia glared. "That being said, I believe the issue of Lorcan's culpability is not as severe as previously determined. That does not, however, warrant a slap on the wrist… I would like to know your reasoning for not informing your supervisor, Lorcan."
Taking a deep breath, Fred shared a quick look with Felicia. "I thought eventually it'd go away..." He waved a hand. "And I was reassigned immediately, so I got busy impressing my new charge and forgot about it." He shrugged.
Dahlia's brows rose, unimpressed. "So you decided to ignore the honor system?"
"No. You're putting words in my mouth. I got busy with work." He crossed his arms and smiled.
"You were allowed this position on the contingency that you follow all lilin and imaginary friend rules." Dahlia's voice was tense. "You were not too busy to tell your colleague. Instead, you chose to go on with your next assignment, which I would imagine would require you to speak with a supervisor, so I believe my statement that you ignored the honor system is in fact correct."
His shoulders slumped. "Alright. Look, I didn't wanna get in trouble again when all I did was help out an old friend. Who I was ripped away from years before because of my behavior, thank you very much. I only tried to do a good thing here and help her like I should've before, and then I left, like I was supposed to. Done. The end."
A small smile appeared on Dahlia's face. "Honesty from Lorcan. How refreshing." She glimpsed Padma out of the corner of her eye scowling at Fred. "Lorcan, this council is trying to determine your fate," she continued. "When you choose to be less than truthful it only works against you. You had a duty to tell your supervisor about the connection with the mortal and you failed in that duty. This is something the council takes very seriously. You are an untrained incubus moving among mortals. It is for their safety we have these rules, whether you agree with them or not."
"I'd never do anything to hurt Lizzie. Or anyone," he said, grief lacing his voice. "Every charge is important to me. I chose to help a friend over the rules. I'm not a monster for it."
"No one said you were a monster." Her gaze softened. "You're a concern for flouting all the rules." Fred went uncharacteristically quiet, seeming contemplative even. Dahlia smiled. "Felicia?" she asked.
"Yes?" She blinked, surprised at Dahlia's unusual display of empathy and being addressed so suddenly.
"Before we continue, do you have any questions for this witness?"
"I believe she has addressed everything. Thank you." She and Namby Pamby shared a smile, but the imaginary friend quickly looked away. "Though I would like to ask for statements on Lorcan's character from his other friends here today," she said, gesturing at Go to Hell Herman and Graggy. She stared at the motley crew of imaginary friends. She hadn't expected such colorful characters. They were such a contrast to the lilin. Both imaginary friends squirmed in their seats, casting anxious glances about the room and pausing on Fred.
"Very well," said Dahlia. "I am sure we are all full of curiosity regarding their thoughts of Lorcan."
"Well, um," Go to Hell Herman began, his voice rough, "I've only got one thing to say about Fred, and that's: he's Fred. He's the best at it."
Felicia tilted her head in confusion. "What exactly does that mean? Can you explain what that means for those of us who don't know Fred?"
"Means he's fun, he's messy, he cares about the kids, and he's a good friend. On top of that, he's got an out of sight imagination all of us can barely keep up with. All of that equals Drop Dead Fred. I don't care who this 'Lorcan' is, but Fred's one of us, through and through," said Herman, the corner of his mouth pulling up ever-so-slightly as he made eye contact with Fred and winked. Fred looked back, a grateful, yet somber smile on her face.
"The Fred we knew, at least," Graggy reminded, holding a weary gaze on Fred. "We'd been friends for years. No one made us all laugh harder, or grossed us out more than Fred. His charges ranked among the happiest, I hear. I've even tried to model some of my work after his. He was a good person. Always there when you needed him." Graggy smiled, sadness in his eyes.
"I'm not dead, ya know!" Fred shouted, flinging out his arms.
Graggy rubbed his eyes and sniffed. "Gonna miss him, Old Fred."
"I'll miss Fred, too," said Namby Pamby, dabbing her eyes.
"Um, hello! Standing right here! Alive. Are you blind and deaf?" Fred stomped, indignantly.
"At least the suit's dead," Shea said, grinning.
"Old Fred?" Remy echoed. "Did they put him out to pasture?"
Tossing his head back, Fred groaned. "Really, you're all impossible and this is complete and utter bollocks." He crossed his arms, mumbling, "I want my suit."
"I think we've all gotten off track," Felicia said, looking with confusion at the imaginary friends. "Uh, Fred was, I mean Lorcan is, uh." She paused and shook her head. "Thank you for your statements about my client."
"Do you have anything else you wish to bring to the council's attention regarding Lorcan and his imaginary friend duties?" asked Dahlia.
"Yes, thank you." She looked at each member of the council, her head high. "Lorcan has not been an ideal incubus. I believe most, if not all, of Lullabi is aware of this. Being different is not a crime. Lorcan has tried to abide by the laws of Lullabi to the best of his abilities. His situation is unique and becoming an imaginary friend is a first in our very long history."
"As we have heard," she went on, "he has been an exemplary imaginary friend. He has not been perfect, but he has made a difference in many mortal children's lives. He tried to help one of those children when she had grown up. Perhaps it was misguided, but it came from a good place. We all know that the best laid plans can go to waste, and Lorcan's plan to help didn't go as intended. He left before his plans could come to complete ruin and before a mortal could be harmed. I ask the council for leniency and that they take into account Lorcan's work and his care for his charges."
Holding his breath, Fred waited for the council to make their judgement. Though they were silent, he knew they deliberated telepathically amongst themselves. Please, please, please… he begged to any gods listening, seconds seeming to stretch on forever. He hated waiting, and quiet. It seemed the very air froze, making it impossible to breathe and like he'd fallen into oblivion. Please. For Snotface's sake. He squeezed his eyes shut tight.
"It shall be taken into consideration," said Dahlia as Fred loudly exhaled, "along with all the evidence before us, but I believe there are other issues to discuss."
Fred managed a meek smile at her. He knew how lucky he was to get the council to even consider anything about his actions, and he was grateful, but he couldn't bring himself to say it aloud. Today was bad enough. He nodded in thanks at Felicia.
The incubus who had yet to speak, folded his hands atop the bench and leaned forward. "Yes, quite a few in fact. I'm prepared to discuss Lorcan, the Virgin Shame's activities in Ireland during the mortals' year of 1714. Our guests," he said, addressing the leprechauns, "have many accusations toward Lorcan. For those who don't know me, I am Valerian, of the council. Sheamus, tell us about how and why Lorcan assaulted you and your men."
Sheamus grinned and jumped to his feet. "At last! You'll be hearin' my side, which is the correct one! That ginger demon," he said, pointing for emphasis, "came to our realm and stole my suit! We offered him other charms, but he was dead set on me suit for his filthy ways! Brigid knows what he's done to violate it! He struck me in the face and knocked Connor out cold! Old MacGregor, who couldn't be here, broke a hip! He's nine hundred and ninety! That sex demon would have taken all our clothes, but we chased him away with our canes! I demand my property back!"
It took all of Valerian's strength not to roll his eyes in front of their tiny guests and he forced a practiced smile instead. His gaze did not waver once toward Fred because if it did, his composure would break.
"I understand your frustrations, but if you use the term 'sex demon' once more in this room you will be removed." He sighed and ran a hand over his dark and slicked back hair. "Do you have any evidence of Lorcan's actions after so long? You're saying he just showed up and began the assault? For a suit?" Valerian furrowed his brow and Sheamus looked momentarily contrite.
"Apologies, Your Honor," said the leprechaun before glaring at Fred. "Who knows why the se- The, er, that fella over there wants to steal our clothes. He made up some nonsense about not wanting to fornicate with women! Who heard of such a thing! His lady friends have leprechaun fetishes, I'd wager! The ladies love the Irish!" He posed for a moment, grinning proudly.
Fred unabashedly wretched. "Oh, puke!"
The leprechaun who had propositioned Lila earlier, winked at her. "'Tis true. We're genuine lady killers. It's the accent."
"Charmer." Lila flushed and twirled a strand of her hair.
Valerian pursed his lips and took a moment to himself for strength. "It's this council's great regret that Lorcan's claims about abstaining from sex are true. Strange as it is. Regrettably, however, there's no disputing that Lorcan took your suit."
"Vindication!" Sheamus yelled in triumph. "You'll be paying me back for my suit, ginger d-delinquent!"
Fred sneered and stuck out his tongue at the feisty leprechaun. "It's a suit! I didn't take your pot of gold and piss on it!"
"As if an idiot like you could find it." Sheamus scoffed.
"What's that, moldy ant? I can't hear you?" Fred put his hand to his ear and looked around as though he couldn't see Sheamus.
"Are you going to let him talk to you that way, Lorcan?" Remy said from his seat.
"Don't cheat when we have a bet going!" Castor said, reaching over and punching Remy in the arm.
"For fu- Freud's sake," Shea muttered, covering her face. My brothers make it so hard not to cuss.
"Are you betting on me behind my back?" Fred cried, Fred spinning around at his brothers.
"We've been looking at your naked back, might as well bet on it." Remy snickered.
Fred's face almost turned purple. "That's just-"
"Hey!" Adrian interjected. "Why wasn't I let in on this bet? My eyes are just as sore as yours." A smack sounded as Fred covered his face and groaned.
"Silence!" Sirius' voice echoed in the room. Felicia winced and some of the lilin jumped in their seats.
"He's louder than Father," Shea mumbled.
"We will have order, or there will be penalties," Sirius continued, his voice only slightly lower. "One more outburst from the back and you will be sentenced yourselves and then ejected!"
Valerian squeezed his folded hands and nodded at Sirius. "Thank you," he said, but didn't look at him. Instead, he turned to Fred and said, "I'm trying to hold my patience, Lorcan... Judgement is still being determined about whether you assaulted the leprechauns."
"If I may suggest," said Felicia, "there is the option of looking into Lorcan's memories for the truth of the matter."
"No!" Fred and Valerian said as one.
Fred chortled, casually waving his hand. "I'm sorry, I don't know why that slipped out. I mean, go on."
Valerian cast him a sly grin. "Going into Lorcan's memories won't be necessary at this time. This council dislikes being so invasive unless absolutely necessary, and we believe this matter may be solved without force," replied Valerian, as he beheld Fred. And we won't get any proof of the assault this way, he thought. "Take this as Lorcan's chance to prove he can be a forthright and honest citizen." Valerian smiled, noting the way Fred's eyes rolled before he closed them as if to regain his patience.
"As for the matter of the suit…" Valerian continued. "Tell me, of all the suits in all the universe, Lorcan, what possessed you to take a leprechaun's?"
Fred shrugged. "Because I needed that suit, and they started the brawl." He pulled a face at Sheamus and crossed his arms. "And it was a fair trade."
"Hold on. Back up a moment… That particular suit? Why?" Valerian tilted his head. "There are…" He paused as he considered the leprechauns. "...less flashy suits in the world. Lots of them, in fact."
"And they're not full of leprechaun magic, are they?" Fred sang back.
"I can't tell if you're patronizing this council, or just answering honestly…" Valerian rubbed his temples. "Why, Lorcan, did you need a suit full of leprechaun's magic?"
Fred smirked. "Because I needed it to suppress my nature. Duh!"
Valerian blanched. "Just why and how would you think this suit would do that?" His voice rose in confusion.
"The Fates said it'd work," Fred said, shrugging again.
Eyes widening, Valerian turned to his fellow council members. Padma looked like she had choked, while Sirius appeared as though he had eaten something foul. The others just seemed shocked.
"You have got to be joking," Shea whispered.
"The fu- I mean, the Fates?" Remy cried. "Seriously?! He met them one time and I was there!" he hissed. "I don't remember them telling Lorcan anything. I was admittedly trying to get up Chloe's skirt, but that's beside the point."
"Maybe if you spent less time fu-fornicating with everyone and more time paying attention you would remember," Shea snapped back.
"What are you, my mother?" Remy pulled a face and mocked her.
"I am your mother!" Calliope hissed, managing to not scream for once. "Remy, you were supposed to look after your brother!"
"I did! And what happened? Probation." Remy crossed his arms and slouched in his seat, looking like a mirror image of Fred.
"Probation? It's catching. Spreading like a plague. I've got it, too," added Adrian.
Andras rubbed the bridge of his nose, refusing to look at anyone. "Calliope, we should have stopped at fifty."
Calliope gasped. "How can you say that about our children? They are precious! We love all of them!"
"Some more than others," Castor muttered.
Pollux elbowed him. "Shush, or we'll all get kicked out and thrown in prison."
"Your family is definitely more interesting than mine," Gabriel reemphasized. "Probably more than anyone's."
"Please don't remind me," said Shea. "Can I petition to leave this family?" She looked at her lover, pleading with him.
"Mother?" asked Adrian, leaning toward her. "Are you sure Lorcan's not adopted, or that you didn't, you know, have it off with another incubus one night? Even a mortal? No judgement, but now would be the time to speak up, I think."
Calliope tilted her face, her nose in the air. "I am completely committed to your father- Who is the father of all of you!"
"Too bad we don't have Maury, or paternity tests," Remy mumbled, still slouching.
"Remy! Sit up!" cried Calliope, glaring at her son. "And your father is your father! He is everyone's father! I mean, he is the father of all my children!" she said, looking distressed. "Such troublesome behavior is from his side of the family."
Andras managed a grin and squeezed his wife to his side. "And you wouldn't have it any other way."
To their left, Namby Pamby gaped at Fred's family, having witnessed the entire conversation. "Fred, you come from such very colorful stock." He snorted in response.
The council, in their state of shock, had taken to conversing telepathically amongst themselves, but the ongoing dramatics shook them from their stupors...
"Order, please!" Dahlia called over the din. Her eyes, lit with interest, were trained on Fred. "Lorcan, what did you mean the Fates said a leprechaun suit would help you?"
Fred scrunched his nose, wondering what had been so unclear about his statement. Maybe they'd all gone deaf after so many centuries and the urge to shout that at them ticked inside him like a time bomb. It took all his strength to bite back his remark. Wasted opportunity, he thought, picturing Lizzie's face in his mind to remain on his best behavior. As much as I love her, this is insufferable. He sighed.
"The blonde, girlie one said if I wanted to fight my nature, the only thing in the universe was leprechaun's magic. It's, I don't know," he said, waggling his fingers as he tried to remember the right wording. Truthfully, he hadn't paid too much attention to all the details back then. He'd been too eager that there was a solution to his problems at all. "Their magic's incompatible with ours. The opposite, really."
Valerian's jaw dropped. "The suit… You used the suit to- Mother Lilith, I can't speak!" he declared, holding his head. "You mean you avoided feeding for so long because of the- That's abominable! No wonder you lost your senses!" Valerian stood up from his chair and stepped behind it, disappearing from everyone's view. "I must collect myself. Excuse me a moment."
"We will call a short recess," declared Dahlia, hurrying over to Valerian who was in the middle of breathing exercises. One by one, the entire council vanished in clouds of black smoke.
Behind Fred, Adrian shouted, "You tried to bottle it up?"
Turning around, Fred saw his brother in complete astonishment. "Yeah, so?"
"So?! All this time I just thought you were funny with unbelievably bad taste!"
"If only it was unbelievably bad taste. He's in fucking denial." Remy glowered at Fred.
The imaginary friends gasped at Remy's language and clapped their hands over their ears, but no one paid them any attention.
"He wants to play human with the humans." Remy sneered, looking just like Fred. He paused then snapped his fingers. "Like the Little Mermaid! 'I wanna be where the people are!'" Remy sang off-key and loudly as he rolled his eyes at Fred.
"I hate my family," Shea muttered.
"Ditto," said Fred, scowling at Remy. I'm not the Little Mermaid. Just because I wanna be human and- Ah fuck! I hate him.
"They're really growing on me," Gabriel said, wincing as Remy hit a high note.
"Keep them," Shea said, covering her ears.
"He really is the Little Mermaid," Castor said, amazed. "I never would've thought it, but it makes perfect sense."
Adrian snorted. "Can we call him the Little Incubus then?"
"Shut up about that!" Fred cried.
Calliope turned around and slapped Remy upside his head. "Stop that!" Remy's crooning ceased and he slouched in his chair.
Snickering, Adrian said, "You know the thing about bottling is, you shake it up enough it explodes! It's a lot like masturbation. You know about that, right, Baby Brother?"
"I- Piss off! How dare you accuse me of masturbating!" Fred flicked the V's at him.
"Sad, that." Shaking his head, Adrian glanced at Remy. "Explain this to me, 'cuz I'm havin' a bit of trouble picturing it… So, you leave him with the Fates one time, and he thinks he's found the cure all for lust?"
"I'm sorry, I'm on probation!" Remy said, sneering on the last word. "I'm off the clock."
Fred rolled his eyes at Adrian. "It worked, didn't it?"
"I saw what you did live. Didn't look like it was working to me! Was like a volcano erupting! Krakatoa Lorcan!" Adrian made whooshing sounds as he flung his arms up for show, then nodded to Castor and Pollux. "The girl's lucky she didn't lose an eye!"
Castor's brows rose at Fred. "Are you sure that suit did what it was supposed to? Everyone knows you finger fucked a mortal. Was that written on the tag? 'Made in Ireland. May cause compulsion to give hand jobs to women.'"
As soon as Castor stopped talking the imaginary friends, who had lowered their hands, gasped and clapped their hands to their ears again.
Pollux's face turned red and he started coughing.
"That is fucking hilarious!" Remy snorted, his shoulders shaking with laughter.
"Ah," said Adrian, lifting a finger. "Does that make his fingers more of a lilin than he is? Lost their virginity before he did, and to a mortal at that!"
"Of course he couldn't lose his virginity like a regular lilin," Remy muttered. He looked over at Castor. "I bet you his tongue is the next part of him he de-virginizes."
Adrian tossed his head back and chuckled. "And you know he'll save his cock for last. It'll be the longest deflowering in history."
"Damn, that's not fair. What if she sucks him off? Will his penis be partially de-virginized?" Castor frowned as he thought it over. "Are we measuring it by vagina to body part, or any sexual act?"
"All good questions," said Adrian, scratching his chin. "I mean, we have penetration with a mouth and a vag-"
"Ade!" Fred squeaked, red in the face. "Stop talking about mine and Lizzie's parts! I've only just calmed down!" He ran his hand over his face.
"Doesn't really feel like it," commented Adrian, turning back to his brothers. "I smell a bet, though. I put three days' work on a blow job first. That mortal of his looked pretty eager for our baby brother." He winked at Fred, who gasped.
"She did not! I mean- Ugh! I'm not having this conversation. This is why I don't come home!"
"Tongue," Remy said, grinning at Fred.
"Fuck! He's not kinky enough for ass," Castor grumbled. "I'm out."
"Language!" Lila shouted, but no one paid any attention.
"Good!" shouted Fred. "I wish you'd leave entirely!" He glared at Castor and then Remy and Adrian. "Quit planning how I'm gonna have sex! I'll do it how I want to!" After realizing his very committed statement, Fred stopped. What have I done? he thought, gaping at his brothers in horror. All of them had grins that surpassed the a cheshire cat's.
"Oooh," said Adrian. "Baby Brother finally wants to do it!"
"She must have magic hands. You're already planning on an encore. Need any tips?" Remy grinned, rubbing his hands in glee.
"You better do the the deed in her dreams," Castor said. "She might be disappointed in the real thing."
"Be nice to your brother!" Calliope hissed. "He'll be perfect. Just like his father. A natural at sex."
"I hope this Lizzie wants ninety-nine kids then," Castor muttered.
"Mum! What! Ugh! Stop comparing my sex life with Dad! And-" His cheeks puffed. He couldn't even respond about the kids comment.
"Ooh," Remy crooned in a high voice. "Look at the big shot. A couple of hand jobs and he's suddenly got a sex life."
"Well, she did use both hands. Girl's got some skills. She must be good," said Adrian.
Fred rolled his eyes. "Of course she is, or I wouldn't be here," he muttered.
Adrian snorted and for a moment appeared both surprised and impressed with his brother's remark. He nodded at Castor and Remy. "Maybe we oughta visit this magical mortal who broke our baby brother's chastity belt."
Clenching his jaw, Fred pointed at Adrian. "Don't you dare go near her!"
"I'm not on probation. Maybe she'll use those magic hands on me," Castor said, his eyes locked on Fred's red face.
The whole family waited for Fred's reaction.
Fred didn't remember leaving his spot in the center of the room. He'd rushed over to where his family sat, standing right before his father and pointing over him at Castor. "Don't you touch her, or I swear I'll ask the Fates for a way to make you impotent!"
Everyone stared at Fred in shock.
"Lorcan! That's not a nice thing to say to your brother!" Calliope hissed. "He needs to give me grandchildren, too!"
"Oh, are your new best friends, the Fates, going to help you figure out how not get thrown into a tiny cell, too?" Castor scoffed. "You're the one who's on trial, and lilin can't be impotent." He rolled his eyes.
Fred sneered at his brother, hating him for making him as flustered as when he was a child. "Then I'll just think of something else and it'll be terrible and I won't tell you what is! So stay away from Lizzie, or else!"
Adrian raised his brow. "One mortal lures your forbidden fruit out of the cloister and suddenly you're a clinger?"
Castor merely rolled his eyes and flipped Fred off.
Returning, the gesture, Fred said, "I am not jealous! Or clingy! And it's not because of what happened!"
Adrian flashed him a skeptical gaze. "Bollocks!"
"Boys! Not in front of Lorcan's friends!" Calliope motioned at the imaginary friends with unease.
Fred whined. "But, Mum, Castor's trying to pork the woman I love!"
"Mum-" Castor started to mimic in a high voice, but stopped and stared when he realized what Fred had said. "Love? You love the mortal?"
"Lorky? You love her?" Lila's voice was a squeak. No one except the leprechaun who had been flirting with her looked her way.
"I'm great for a rebound," the leprechaun said.
"Holy fuck," Pollux whispered.
"Ah, hell!" said Adrian. "All that ya said in the dream wasn't just for her benefit? I need a drink. You are a girlie!"
"Oh, yeah. Love. I'm completely shocked," Remy said, his voice deadpan. "I never saw it coming!" He glared at Fred.
Namby Pamby squeaked. "Drop Dead Fred loves the grown-up from the shrink's office?"
Andras started coughing and couldn't seem to stop. Felicia managed to make eye contact with him and shrugged with a 'told-you-so' look on her face. Calliope pounded on her husband's back and then turned to Fred, her face lit with joy.
"My baby's in love?" she shrieked, grabbing Fred's face in her hands. "Oh, Lorcan! Why didn't you tell me? I knew there was a good explanation for your tête-à-tête with her! What is she like? Is she pretty? Is she nice? Does she want children?"
"Because I always inquire if a woman wants children after I fuck her with my hand," Remy said, shaking his head at their mother.
With his face squished between his mother's hands, Fred tried to figure out what had just happened. Me and my big fucking mouth!
"Run. Save yourself," Shea whispered as she nudged Gabriel with his elbow.
Gabriel leaned over and kissed her temple. "Fuck, no. This is getting good. Besides, I love you too much to abandon you now."
"You're fucking sentimental, but adorable," Shea said, taking his hand in hers.
"Mum!" Fred managed to say in the mercy of her grasp, "...It's complicated," he said his voice muffled and his eyes wide. "Can ya let go of my face?" he asked. "I can't feel it."
Calliope only squeezed his face harder as she cried and kissed his face. "My baby's in love!"
"Bacchus' balls. Let him breathe, Calliope," Andras said, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Relenting, she turned to her husband. "But our baby's in love and he wants to have sex. We thought this day would never come!"
Remy snorted. "I shouldn't comment, but I really want to."
Fred's glare lost its effect thanks to his utter mortification.
"After three hundred years we all thought he'd never cum," Castor said, his voice deadpan.
Remy cackled with laughter. "It was such a perfect set up! Thank you!" He doubled over, laughing harder.
Pollux punched Castor lightly in the shoulder. "Give him a break. His whole sexual experience is on display for the world to see. You weren't exactly a perfect lover your first time around."
Remy sat up. "That's right! Misfire!" He started laughing even harder. "Lorcan peaked late and you peaked way too early!"
"Thanks, Pollux," Castor grumbled, slouching in his seat. "I fucking hate you."
Pollux only smiled and gave Fred a wink.
"Thanks," said Fred.
"Castor Blaster!" Remy shouted. "That's what we called him!"
Fred snorted and tossed his head back laughing. "Oh my god! That's brilliant!"
"Enjoy it while lasts." Castor glared, shaking his head.
"He might last longer than you," Remy said, grinning. "He might actually penetrate before he goes off!" Remy made pistols with his fingers. "Pew, pew!"
Castor flipped Remy off, which only made Remy grin more.
"Poor Deirdre never saw it coming…" said Adrian, his face red from holding in a laugh. "Because it happened too fast!" He lost it, cackling loud.
Remy laughed even harder, leaning against Adrian for support. Even Pollux had a hard time keeping a straight face and Fred burst out cackling himself. Shea tried muffling her own laughter, but failed. The joke hadn't been that funny, but her family's reaction was contagious. Soon they'd all succumbed, and even some of the leprechauns chuckled along with them.
"They're alright," one of the leprechauns said, wiping his eyes. "They're funny, I'll give 'em that."
"Don't fall for it!" Sheamus grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring at Fred.
"That'd never happen to me, Darlin'," the leprechaun said to Lila. "I'd save all of me for you."
"I don't even know your name," Lila murmured.
"It's Quinn. Remember it, cuz you'll be screaming it later." He winked.
Lila blushed and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you, Quinn. I'm Lila."
Behind Fred, Felicia was smiling, laughing, and completely thrown by this mad house. She had never been around this much of Andras' family before, and to see Fred interacting as if he belonged brought tears to her eyes. She wiped them quickly and felt her cheeks go red when she caught Andras smiling at her.
'Thank me when it's over,' she said in his mind, this interaction giving her hope. He simply nodded.
Wiping tears from his eyes, Fred realized this was the first time he remembered ever laughing with this many of his brothers and his father. The surreal sense of belonging sobered him back up. Slowly, he caught his breath and watched them in silence. This is weird… but nice, he thought.
"What about Pollux's first time?" Castor said, looking over at his twin.
Pollux shrugged and Remy scoffed.
"His was all perfect and his partner was orgasming hours later." Remy rolled his eyes. "What about Ade's?"
Castor thought a moment. "Was that him who tried to penetrate her navel?"
"I think that was Bastion, or was it Dante?" Remy's forehead wrinkled as he tried to remember.
"That was Dante," Calliope said.
Everyone stared at her.
"Stop staring! I pay attention! I'm your mother!" She rolled her eyes. "These boys."
Adrian shook his head and grinned with a distant look in his eyes. "My first time we overused the lube and she slipped right off the bed and shot through the wall."
Fred choked.
"Oh please. You're such a virgin! Lilin never need that gop! I just wanted to see that lovely shade of prude you turn."
"Bastard," muttered Fred.
"Didn't she knee you in the eye when you tried to give her oral?" Pollux asked, his face a picture of innocence.
"That's true. Found out I was into it, though."
"That doesn't even make any sense!" cried Fred.
"Virgin." Adrian snickered and Fred groaned.
Remy and Castor were still laughing. Pollux looked at Fred and nodded his head toward his brothers. He mouthed Remy's name.
Lifting a brow, Fred stared at Pollux and grinned. "What about Remy?" he asked.
Remy looked at Fred. "It was a grand performance. I made her scream with pleasure." He smiled, crossing his arms over his chest.
"That's not what happened!" Castor said, rolling his eyes.
"Didn't he get tied down and spanked?" Pollux said, rubbing his chin.
"She gagged him, too," Castor said.
"Smart succubus," Shea said, laughing.
"I let her gag me!" Remy pouted. "She was into it. I was into it."
"Your ass was for sore for days!" Castor said. "Raw End Remy."
"Oh, you fucker! Thanks for bringing that up!" Remy reached over and tried to punch Castor from behind Adrian.
Adrian ducked forward and laughed. "Accurate. We're all fornicators. Except Lorcan."
"Not yet, anyway. You heard him. He's going to have sex with his mortal," Castor said, grinning at Fred. "Will it be missionary, or doggy style?"
"Pfft! I'm just trying to get another conversation at this point!" said Fred before catching the interested stare on all their faces. Dammit. I meant to deny everything.
Crossing his arms, Fred casually cleared his throat. "So… all of you, it sounds like the first time didn't go so well..." In fact, the more he thought about what they'd said, the more he started worrying if he'd even satisfy Lizzie at all, or worse, if she'd laugh at him.
What if I poke her in the eye with my knob, or can't figure out how to get it in? Lilin are bigger... He paled, horrified by the sequence of scenarios that ran through his mind. Most of them ended with Lizzie shouting at him, or calling him the worst she'd ever been with. Thanks to Adrian, he also had one of Lizzie flying through a wall, landing on another man, and leaving him for good.
"You look like someone asked if they could fuck you from behind," Remy said, one brow raised. "Why so squeamish? Are you worried you'll forget what your man-pole is for?"
"No!" Fred looked appalled. "I just- What if I slip, or something? Or, she doesn't like it? Or I drop her? Or what if she just doesn't like it?"
"Slip?" Remy and Adrian echoed. Andras covered his eyes with his hand.
"It's not fucking pair skating," Castor grumbled.
"She'll like it!" Shea, Calliope, and Pollux insisted.
Giving Castor a glare, Fred chose to look at Shea and his mother instead. "But how do you know? She's done it, she'll know if I screw something up!"
"Lorcan, if you love her and she feels half of that for you, it won't be bad," Gabriel said. Fred's shoulders relaxed and he smiled at him in thanks, but as if on cue, Adrian raised his hand.
"Question," he said, stifling a laugh. "Just where do you think you might drop her?"
"Pool of Jell-O?" Remy suggested.
"Mud wrestling pit?" Castor said, wrinkling his nose.
Fred rolled his eyes. "I don't think either of those will fit in Lizzie's apartment."
"Who said anything about her apartment?" Remy said, rolling his eyes back, too. "How about sex in an elevator?"
"Sex in a movie theater is also a classic," Castor said.
"Sex on the beach, but you gotta watch out for sand," Remy said, wincing at the memory.
Fred blushed at all the suggestions. "Um. She's still cross at me for making her scream at me in the mall. Don't think I'd get her out for sex…"
"Tell her you'll make her scream at the mall for other reasons. Like doing her in a dressing room," Remy said.
Fred went quiet and looked down, trying not to remember how he'd nearly done that already. He tapped his foot, trying to expel some of his arousal. Lizzie had looked so irresistible in that purple dress… and he'd more than liked the scent of her perfume...
"So, that's the strangest place you've had sex? In a dressing room?" Castor asked Remy.
"No!" Remy scoffed. "I gave a woman three orgasms on a roller coaster. Maybe the third was sort of incidental, but I'm claiming it."
"My weirdest was a coffin," Castor said.
Remy looked at Castor out of the corner of eye. "A what?"
"She was into weird shit. We ended up in a mortuary. It just progressed from sex on the desk, to sex in a coffin. I'm not claustrophobic, but I could see how it might freak people out." Castor suddenly appeared to go somewhere else, staring ahead at nothing in particular.
Well, that's odd, thought Fred. Not much bothered Castor.
"Mine was in the lumber section of a Home Depot," said Adrian with a straight face.
"What?" Remy and Castor said together.
"When we came we both yelled 'timber!'"
Everyone groaned.
"My strangest was in the big, walk-in freezer at one of those bulk buy stores," Shea said. Remy gave her a look, but she shrugged. "I wanted to share my story, too. It was really cold in there. He almost couldn't function."
"Glad that wasn't me," Gabriel said.
"Our boys are so precious," Calliope said, smiling at Andras, while their children all joked with each other.
Andras raised his brow. "I don't know if that's the word I would use." He smiled at her.
"Oh!" cried Remy. "Lorcan, for something really memorable you could record it for posterity! You could also tie her down, use only your tongue on her." He wiggled his eyebrows and grinned.
"Ugh! This world's got enough footage of my escapades, thank you very much! And I'm not tying her up!" Like she'd let me, he added to himself.
"Yep. That confirms it," said Adrian. "His first time it'll be missionary. In the dark. Sheets pulled over their heads. Like… ghosts!" he added, giving Fred a knowing look.
"You-"
"Yes. I saw that stunt you pulled as Casper the Horny Ghost. If you were gonna do that, you shoulda been naked. Now that's a surprise."
"She'd probably prefer something less kinky," Pollux suggested, changing the subject. "I suggest some candle light."
Fred looked at each of his brothers in turn, feeling like he were in a strange dream. Not only were they sorta being nice to him, but they were offering him helpful advice about Lizzie. At least they tried. What the hell's happening?
Shea turned around. "She's the cutest thing! Lizzie wears pink, fuzzy socks and sweats!" She looked over at Fred. "And, you need to start slow and work your way up to sex. Make sure she gets a chance on top. Women like to feel powerful."
All the brothers nodded.
Meanwhile, Fred kept opening his mouth to speak, but each piece of advice made him feel pulled in every direction. Between the strangeness of their conversation, the fantasies their suggestions gave him, and his mother's encouraging grin, he didn't have the words. Until Shea mentioned Lizzie's socks.
"Hey, how d'you know she owns those? She wasn't wearing 'em in the memory I showed you- Oh hell!" He leaned closer and whispered, "What did you do, Shea?"
Shea blinked slowly at him. "Me? I didn't do anything!" Her tone rang with mock innocence. Behind her Remy smothered a laugh. "I can't wait to meet her, though." She smiled at Fred.
"Why?" he asked, suspicion coloring his tone.
Shea's smile grew wider. "I'm your big sister. I'm meeting her."
"What about the whole lilin not showing themselves to mortals thing? Can't have my big sister on trial next." He smiled back, hopefully.
"Your very busy mouth took care of that. She knows about us. Worse case, they wipe her memory." Shea shrugged.
"They wouldn't do that!" he cried, paling. He turned to his mother. "Would they do that?" His brothers fidgeted in their seats, while Shea looked at him with pity.
Calliope sighed. "Lorcan, darling, lilin have rules to protect our people and to protect mortals. Our powers are very strong and sometimes they're too much for mortals. If it needed to be done, they'd wipe her mind." Calliope looked at her son, sadness in her eyes. "I'm sure it won't come to that. You love her. It'll work out." She touched his cheek. "Don't worry."
Fred went quiet, unable to bear even imagining what losing Lizzie that way would feel like. Especially when he still felt her with him now. He turned his gaze toward his father, silently wishing he would say something here. His mother was an optimist, his father less so. If his father saw hope, then he knew there was a chance. Taking a deep breath, he spoke the first words to him in almost two centuries. "Dad? Tell me what you think?"
Andras' jaw twitched. "I can't tell you what the council will decide. If they think it's in her best interest to forget… they'll do it." He locked eyes with his youngest son. "So, you better show those fuckers you're in her best interest."
Fred nodded, slowly, shocked by his father's approval. He was okay with him loving a mortal? Fred smiled. "I can easily do that. I'm the only person that's ever given a damn about her. I'd do anything for her." His heart pounded after admitting this to his father, but he managed to hold his eye contact.
"I'd start with an apology. Can't hurt to kiss some ass," Remy said.
Andras nodded. "Do what you can to make things right with the council. As for them," he glared at the leprechauns. "Make nice and get them all out of our hair."
"Right… And hopefully they'll take Lila, too," Fred whispered, glancing over his shoulder at the leprechauns.
"I think Lila wouldn't mind," Shea murmured, nodding at her and Quinn's relentless flirting session.
Fred groaned and turned back to his mother. "I can still feel you staring at me, you know? So, yes, Lizzie's nice, and she's pretty." He wrinkled his nose at admitting that in front of everyone, but he knew if he didn't answer his mother she might lose her mind and pinch his face off. Fred scowled and reluctantly mumbled, "And I don't know if she wants kids."
"As long as she makes you happy, but I'm so glad she's pretty! Think of the beautiful babies you'll make! I can't wait to meet her!" Calliope clapped her hands together. "We have so much to talk about! I have so much to plan!"
Fred couldn't breathe and his mouth dropped open. Make babies?! Did she really just... He looked at Shea. "What's she mean? Plan what?"
Shea held up her hands. "I'm not getting involved!"
Calliope tsked at her daughter. "But she needs to meet the family!"
Andras reached over and hugged his wife to his side. "Calliope, you're getting a little ahead of things with the mortal." He emphasized the last word as a hint.
"But it's our baby's first girlfriend!"
Remy snickered. "A girlfriend that doesn't need blowing up."
"That hand of his is gonna get jealous of all the attention over the new woman," said Adrian.
"Will you both just stop accusing me of masturbating already?!" Fred cried. Behind him, he heard the imaginary friends all gasp. "Because I don't!" he added, quickly and cringed. The looks on his friends' faces told him even they didn't believe him and Namby Pamby shook her head at him in disappointment. This is the worst.
"Accuse?!" Adrian laughed and couldn't stop.
Shea sighed. "We've all seen it. Might as well not deny and look like a prude." She grinned. "Maybe Lizzie will give you a hand with that now."
"She gave him two tonight already. Good thing you wasn't in the woods," said Adrian. "She would have started a forest fire."
Remy pointed at Fred. "Only you can prevent forest fires!"
Namby Pamby's giggle returned, but she covered her mouth as soon as Fred looked at her. Her face was red and her eyes apologetic as a snort sounded from her.
"Ugh!" Fred grabbed at his hair, mortified. I want to disappear.
"And you made sounds like that, too," Adrian quipped.
"I hate you," Fred muttered. "So much."
Adrian tsked. "Might wanna change your tune, Baby Brother. After the gift I've given you..."
"What gift? My reflection in that bald, bulbous head of yours?"
Adrian smirked and it only made Fred angrier. "I've got something special to tell ya later, is all."
"What could you possibly- Ugh, never mind," he said, turning back around as he heard his brother chuckle. Knowing Adrian it was probably a trap. "Bastard," he said under his breath.
"Virgin," said Adrian, causing Fred to bristle as the council reappeared not a moment too soon.
Lila sighed in relief and Felicia hid her smile. Fred's family was certainly something to behold.
The room quieted down and Fred returned to his place in the center of the room near Felicia. The councils' serious expressions reminded him they'd been gone a long time, and suddenly he didn't know whether that was a good or bad thing for him and Lizzie… A knot the size of his fist felt like it rolled inside of his stomach. Please don't make her forget me.
Having collected himself, Valerian sat again in his seat, watching Fred with uncertainty. "We will resume. Lorcan, this is an unheard of circumstance," he said, slowly. "I'm afraid we'll need to look into what you claim took place between you and the Fates. It's beyond me why the Fates would tell you something like this. They're not known for practical jokes…" He shook his head, lost in thought, until he noticed the leprechauns glaring at him. "Let's move forward for now. Lorcan, why did you choose to repress your nature?"
Fred laughed nervously and held up a finger. "I think I'd like my lawyer to answer that," he said, turning to Felicia, whose brows rose at him. He hoped she'd realize why he wanted her to speak for him. If the council heard him outright declare he'd wanted to be human instead of lilin, they'd lock him away for good. Please put a better spin on it, he pleaded.
Nodding at Fred, Felicia stepped forward and cleared her throat. "I realize that Lorcan is a special case and has been a particular issue for this council. While his reluctance to complete his training and consummate the act that would make him a fully fledged incubus has been trying for all involved, the council must see that he is willing to take those steps. As to why Lorcan tried to deny his nature, well…" She cleared her throat again. How was she going to explain this without vilifying Fred?
"We are a people that enjoys sex," she slowly began. "We all have our preferences, and not all of us enjoy the same things. We're unique. Lorcan is that way as well. He just chose to live a little differently and wanted to have sex with the person who matters most to him. This isn't something new to us. We have those who choose to commit to a partner and those who choose many partners. Lorcan just wants a simple existence. He just happened to realize what he wanted later than others." She took a deep breath. Good so far.
"We exist with the mortal realm. It's a symbiotic relationship," she continued. "We're taught about them so we can help them, interact with them. Lorcan just happened to find a kinship with them. He wanted to be like mortals and not have sex with many people. Human beings don't find this strange and while I know it is pushing the bounds for a lilin, I ask that you to please not hold his views against him."
The council sat in silence, deep in thought. Sirius glared as always, as Padma ignored the blight that was Lorcan. Dahlia smiled ever-so-slightly like she held a secret, while the third succubus, who sat on the end of the row, openly grinned at Fred. She looked like the youngest lilin in the room, but Fred remembered her appearance was deceptive. Carys was actually much older.
"That's a very compelling argument, Felicia," Dahlia said at last. "We shall consider it when we make our judgment." She looked at Fred. "We have made an appeal to the Fates to come before us and give us their account of your story. While we wait, I would like to ask a question of Remy."
Remy almost jumped out of his seat. "Y-yes?"
Dahlia bit back her smile as she spied him trying not to fidget. "Can you explain what occurred when you and Lorcan were with the Fates?"
"Oh, um, certainly," he said, his voice shaking. "I had gone to see the Fates, because we're, uh, friends. Yeah. Chloe and I go way back." He offered a weak grin. "Anyway, Lorcan was supposed to be getting ready for his ceremony, and he was nervous. I thought maybe if the Fates could tell him that it would go alright he wouldn't worry about it so much." He took a deep breath. "So we went, we chatted, and then we left." He offered a hopeful grin.
"Did you hear what the Fates discussed with Lorcan?" Dahlia asked.
"Uh, no. I didn't," he said, wincing.
"Why is that?" Dahlia leaned forward.
"I happened to be discussing something with Chloe quite intently," he said.
"I see," Dahlia said, one brow raising. "I can imagine what that might entail."
Remy flushed. "Uh, yes. I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful."
Dahlia looked over at Valerian. "Would you like to continue with the issue about recompensing our guests?"
Valerian nodded. "If it must be done," he said. "Lorcan, your actions in Ireland had many repercussions. Our guests claim they experienced a year of spoiled crops, soured luck, and Sheamus produced blackened rainbows for an unspecified amount of time after the theft of the suit…"
"Blackened rainbows? Over trousers?" Fred exclaimed. "Is he sure he just wasn't leaving skid marks?" Behind him, Fred heard Adrian bark with laughter at the same time as the imaginary friends.
Valerian raised a brow. "These are the claims, yes. Please don't interrupt."
Crossing his arms, Fred huffed and pulled a face at the leprechauns.
"Where is the suit now, Lorcan?" asked Valerian.
Fred's attention snapped back to Valerian. "Right now?" he asked, brow furrowing.
Valerian sighed and rubbed his temples. "I forgot how literal you can be."
"I don't have it."
"Lorcan, the question was 'where is it?'" Valerian restated.
Turning around, Fred pointed at his sister. "It met with an unfortunate end. By an assassin."
Sheamus gasped. "You're the dirty assassin that ruined my beautiful suit! You vulgar, perverted-"
"Shut your pie hole, Tiny Tim!" Shea yelled, jumping to her feet.
Everyone else in the room gasped.
Eyes wide and nostrils flaring, she held her ground and glared at Sheamus. "I'm sorry about your suit, but you don't get to call my idiot brother names!"
Sheamus' mouth opened and closed and Quinn pulled him back down into his seat.
"I'm sorry for my outburst," Shea said to the council, "but I stand by what I said." She took a deep breath. "I'm the one who destroyed the suit. I wanted Lorcan to be himself again and I pushed him to use his powers after he was, um, hopped up on lust. His magic made the suit… disappear."
The council all stared at Shea. Dahlia appeared to be fighting a smile. Beside her, Sirius curled his lips in disgust and Padma rolled her eyes. Carys and the mustached incubus both grinned.
"So, we don't have it," Shea said, clenching her fists.
"One overdose on lust and that suit is toast?" Remy murmured. "I would have bet my left nut that would never had happened."
"That's because no one ever thought he'd be using his dick or his nuts," Castor said.
"I'm surprised dust didn't poof out like a big cloud when he came," said Adrian. He squinted, deep in thought as he pictured the awful image. "Honestly, I'm kinda disappointed it didn't."
"Ade!" Fred cried. "That's not the first time I ever ca- Can't, can't remember what I was gonna say..." Wide eyed, he stared at the floor and cursed his fat mouth, while trying not to notice his parents out of the corner of his eyes.
"Oh? Bet you could flog your memory if you tried hard enough," said Adrian, grinning.
Red-faced, Fred glared and mouthed 'I hate you' at his brother.
"And you're very welcome, too." Adrian winked.
"I'm not thanking you!"
"Oh, yes you will," he answered in a singsong.
Fred rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you're proud about, but piss off!"
"Unbelievable…" said Valerian. "I don't know what to expect next with you or your family, Lorcan." Leaning forward, Valerian eyed both Shea and Fred. "But this council thanks Scheherazade for doing what we could not: finding a way to remove the suit from Lorcan." He bowed his head in turn with the rest of the council.
Shea blinked. "Oh, uh, you're welcome. I'll just sit down and stay quiet."
"Before you do, Scheherazade, would you be willing to offer the leprechauns a formal apology for the suit's destruction?"
She stared at Valerian. "Um, yes?"
Valerian nodded at her.
Clearing her throat, Shea cleared faced the leprechauns. "I would like to offer you my sincere apology for the destruction of your suit." She coughed. "I hope you will accept my apology as I sincerely regret damaging your property." Offering a smile, she looked back at Valerian.
"I'd kinda like one from her, too," mumbled Fred.
Shea glared at his back. "Not in this or any lifetime." Fred turned around and stuck his tongue out at her and she immediately stuck hers out back before sitting down.
Valerian briefly covered his mouth to hide a smile. "Sheamus, do you and your people accept Scheherazade's apology?"
"I- I, well- It would be inhospitable to refuse," he said, scratching his beard. "I accept."
"Well, that's cleared up then!" said Fred, rubbing his hands together with a grin. "This was fun! Let's all go home!"
Valerian gave him a look. "We are not done, especially with you," he warned.
"Valerian," said Felicia with earnest, "I'd like it known that Lorcan would have returned said suit had it not unexpectedly met its end." She winced.
"You expect me to believe that he would have willingly returned it upon request?" Valerian lifted an eyebrow, the action enough for Felicia not to respond. He turned back to the leprechauns. "Sheamus, are you satisfied and ready to settle this matter, pending we retain Lorcan's ban from Ireland as well as the mortal realm on St. Patrick's Day?"
Sheamus' jaw worked back and forth as he stared, arms crossed. "I am."
"Good. Then we may finally close this matter regarding the infamous suit, and-"
"Wait a minute!" Sheamus yelled. "He stole my infamous suit! What about that? He can't just snatch a fellow's magical suit and walk away, naked as can be!"
Clenching his fists, Fred answered, "It was a fair trade!" He crossed his arms. "And, um, hello! Walkin' away nude isn't winning! That's why I took the clothes in the first place, Wee Giblet!"
"Fair trade?" Sheamus squeaked out. "My suit for four measly kegs? You were supposed to try it out and give it back! No one said you could walk off with it for three hundred years!"
"Aha! But you took the kegs! You did!" cried Fred, hopping and pointing at Sheamus.
"Hold it," said Valerian. "He took the gifts you offered in trade?"
"Yep. Guzzled 'em all up! He and his men got totally smashed! They started betting on which of them had the most chest hair." Fred shuddered. "It was really gross. Can you blame me for running away from that?"
Valerian frowned and shared a look with the other council members. "I don't think you want any more blame added to you this night."
"It was kegs for trying the suit!" Sheamus stomped his foot. "I never said he could keep it, and you damn well know it, Idjit!" He scowled at Fred.
"Nuh uh! It was for the suit, Stupid! For keeps!" Fred curled his upper lip and tapped his foot.
"I never gave you permission to take it! We all thought it was a fool's errand anyway! Trying to stop being what you are." Sheamus grumbled. "Stupidest thing I ever heard."
Fred opened his mouth and raised a finger at Sheamus, but he quickly recoiled and bit his fist. It's not stupid, you twat. I just wanna be human, not become the bloody Queen. Biting harder, he forced back the words that practically burned his tongue, but the lingering presence of Lizzie helped him hold on. If he said them, he'd lose his last chance, and yet it didn't make the urge to scream at Sheamus much less tempting.
"Ugh!" He dropped his hand. Bloody leprechaun's making me bite myself now! "Can't I dream? Anyways, you did give it to me. You said if it worked it was mine, and it did, so I kept it! Ya can't be all mouth and no trousers. If you're still this upset, how 'bout I throw in Lila and we call it even?" He smiled and nodded at his astonished offering.
"I wouldn't have traded it for four kegs if I thought it woulda worked!" Sheamus shouted, jumping up and down. "Now my suit is ruined through your sex magic!"
"Sheamus! Calm down! If the suit disappeared then your magic should be back in the rainbow." The leprechaun tugged on Sheamus' sleeve. "We can go home and you can make a stronger suit."
Growling, Sheamus shook off his kinsman. "That's not the point!"
"Aw, for the love of Éire, let it go!" cried Quinn.
"Oh my god!" Turning around, Fred cast an incredulous glare at Shea. "I made a rainbow because you killed my suit?! That's the girliest thing I've ever heard of! Am I even awake? Is this night even happening?" He looked around him, twitching as Adrian cackled, and held his arm out to Felicia. "Pinch me. I can't take it anymore."
"I'm not pinching you," Felicia said, holding her hands up. "I think this is called karma." She grinned.
"Do your brother one favor and he cries about it forever," Shea muttered.
"At least rainbows didn't come outta your dick!" cried Adrian, slapping his knee.
Flinging his arms up, Fred waved at his brother. "Why are you here?!"
"It didn't make a rainbow," Quinn started to explain. "Eh, never mind." He turned back to Lila. "So, will it be your place or mine?"
Lila's cheeks turned pink. "I'll visit."
The oldest leprechaun in the group stood and looked at the council. "If it's all the same to you, Your Honors. We'll go and consider this matter settled."
Valerian scratched his head. "I suppose this sorted itself. The property is technically returned..." He cleared his throat. "Very well. We'll consider the magic suit ordeal settled." His attentions turned on Fred and Valerian suddenly looked tired. "Finally."
Fred ignored him and turned to Sheamus instead. "So long. Don't come back." Mimicking devil horns with his fingers, he gnashed his teeth at him.
"Enjoy your dancing while you can," said Sheamus. "I'll be adding to the Tale of the Ginger Demon. The virginal and naked Ginger Demon. The lads'll be laughing their arses off! It'll become a pub song!" Flipping Fred off, Sheamus chuckled and began humming.
"What?! Oh, you little-"
Clearing his throat, Valerian quickly added, "Sheamus, one of our succubi guards will escort you and your friends back to the portal so you may return home. The council thanks you for your time, patience…" He stressed the word as he glanced at Fred. "...and for your cooperation. We're glad some resolution could finally be made. Farewell."
The older leprechaun bowed his head. "Thank you for your hospitality. We'll go without further incident." He looked pointedly at Sheamus, who only shrugged.
An auburn-haired succubus lead the leprechauns from the room, the doors shutting behind them.
"Now that the matter with the leprechauns has been settled, the imaginary friend council shall also conclude their dealings with Lorcan," said Dahlia. "Fartacus, please tell Lorcan what you have come to say."
"Hmm?" The imaginary friend jumped. "Oh, right…"
The faux-Roman watched Fred with sympathy, a look that Fred didn't like at all. Namby Pamby, Herman, and Graggy also avoided his gaze and it left a sinking feeling inside him. "Bugger me," he said under his breath.
"Drop Dead Fred," Fartacus began, "you've been an amazing imaginary friend. Maybe more unpredictable than most, but still a good one. Since day one you always challenged me in our farting contests, and-"
Namby Pamby cut him off by placing her hand over Fartacus' shoulder and he nodded at her.
"Sorry. I was getting off track… This isn't a choice I want to make Fr-" He paused and sharply inhaled. "Lorcan... the imaginary friend council has unanimously decided to revoke your position as an imaginary friend. We-"
"You've got to be kidding!"
"Fred!" Namby Pamby hissed, shaking her head at him with worry. "Please don't."
"So you're still calling me Fred?" Namby Pamby's crestfallen expression stung him with guilt and he winced. "...Thanks."
"We have no choice in letting you go," said Fartacus. "You joined us under strict rules and… that suit, for all its trouble, sounds like the only thing that kept you, kept you like us. Enough to do your job."
"That's absurd! I can still have fun and help kids! I'm still me; I'm still Drop Dead Fred! I can do anything! I'm not some monster because I lost a magic suit!"
"Isn't that your argument as to why you needed that suit?"
Turning around, Fred glared at his very unhelpful brother. "Shut up, Ade." Adrian shrugged.
"Lorcan, I'm going to have to revoke your abilities that we gave you when you joined us," continued Fartacus.
"But you can't! I've got a charge! You can't do this!" He took a step back, shaking and pacing as he pointed at him. "You've said yourself I do a great job. You can't take me away from another kid like this. You did this with Lizzie and look how she turned out- I mean before I helped her again."
"Don't you mean before you helped yourself to her?" quipped Adrian. The loud groan from Fred made him snicker.
Keeping a serious face, Fartacus shook his head. "I'm sorry. I know a lot of the council was unfair to you around that time, to Elizabeth especially, but as we said, you're unpredictable. I did try to vouch for you, but it was out of my hands then."
"So, now you're just gonna do it again? Tear me away like I never happened?"
"Fred, you're not going to be an imaginary friend anymore. Jessica Fleegman won't be your responsibility anymore! You've left her already yourself!"
Fred's face flashed with pain and he froze. Not only had he left her twice for Lizzie, but he just realized he hadn't thought about her one bit since he'd left. What kind of imaginary friend am I? Who am I? I never leave the kids.
"Don't worry, we'll replace you. We won't make the same mistakes we did with Elizabeth," said Fartacus, gently. "I promise Jessica will get the best we have-"
"I wanna goodbye."
"What?" all the imaginary friends chimed in unison.
"I want a goodbye with Jessica before I leave. I'm not just leaving her without any explanation." Nervously, he tapped his fingers against his thighs and held his breath. He swore the room felt smaller, or maybe it was the universe, because they were going to take such a huge part of himself away. First the suit, now his job as an imaginary friend; was Lizzie next? Could he do right by anyone before they locked him away in a box? Fred was surprised he heard Fartacus speak again at all over the sound of his own wild heartbeat.
"Alright. I believe we owe you and Jessica that. No need repeating past mistakes on a new child." He smiled wearily at Fred. "You are allowed one final visit to Jessica, then we'll remove your imaginary friend powers... And it's probably in your best interest that both a lilin and an imaginary friend accompany you for this final meeting. If the lilin council will agree?"
Dahlia nodded. "It will be allowed as this is for the well-being of a mortal child." Her tone suggested she would not be argued with. "We will send a succubus to accompany him to the mortal realm. When the trial is over, Lorcan can say his goodbyes."
"Can my sister be the succubus, please?" asked Fred, his tone quiet and somber.
"Absolutely not!" Padma said, glaring at Fred. "She cannot be allowed near children!"
Shea glared. "I know I'm not exactly maternal, but it's not like I'm Joan Crawford!"
"Padma, she would just be there to make sure nothing untoward happened. It is just a short visit so he may say goodbye to the girl. Scheherazade is responsible enough to make sure the visit will occur without incident." Dahlia raised her brows and looked directly at Shea.
Shea nodded. "I give my word that I will make sure that Lorcan's visit will be incident free."
"Fine. Just make sure Lorcan is brought back for whatever punishment he is dealt," Padma said, irritation in her voice.
"Please, Padma. We have yet to determine that," Dahlia said.
"Let us move on then," Padma ordered with a wave of her hand.
"Very well. We will arrange for the visit," said Fartacus, bowing his head.
I can't believe this is happening, thought Fred, running his hands over his face. He wanted to scream, but at the same time he felt it wouldn't be enough. "Thanks," he said, unable to tear his gaze from the floor. Strange the ground felt so solid when his world crumbled beneath his feet. Losing his ability to hold himself together, Fred found himself turning toward his mother. He didn't speak, but watched her, feeling broken and confused. He'd failed another child and now he dreaded what might come next.
"I'm sorry, Darling." She looked from her son to her husband.
"It's time to let it go, Lorcan," Andras said, his normally loud voice soft and gentle.
Fred nodded, slowly, not wanting to turn back to the council. When he did, he looked only at Dahlia because what he had to say would have come out as a 'Piss off!' if he acknowledged Padma. "Thanks," he said, hanging his head. "I promise no more incidents."
Dahlia smiled. "I know. I believe you won't disappoint us." There was the slightest emphasis on the last word.
Fred gulped and drew an 'x' over his chest with his finger. "Well, I've got nowhere to go but up. So, cross my heart," he said and returned her smile.
Clearing his throat, Fartacus said, "Pardon me, but since our business here's concluded, we should get on our way. Fred… good luck." He passed him a worried glance and smiled. "We're gonna miss having you around." Fartacus stood, along with Graggy and Go to Hell Herman, but Namby Pamby remained in her chair. She stared at Fred, her mouth open as if she wanted to say something, but instead she joined her friends and headed for the doors.
"Goodbye," Fred whispered, waving and wondering if he'd ever see any of them again.
"Well, now that our business with our guests has concluded, everyone may disrobe and we can get into Lorcan's offenses with the mortal woman," said Valerian. "Algernon?"
The incubus who had arrived late, flashed Valerian a roguish grin. "I thought you'd never notice me." His magic swirled around him then faded away, taking his covering with it. He leaned forward, stroking one end of his black mustache, his fingers playing with the end of it.
He's not about to tie me to the railway tracks, is he? thought Fred. Although, he almost felt it would be more painless...
Around the room, clouds of black swirled as lilin removed their clothes, and to Fred's dismay, the guards removed his as well.
"Ah, come on!" he whined. "I was usin' that! No takesies backsies!"
"Lorcan, Lorcan," Algernon murmured, drawing his attention. "I must say, your exploits have been absolutely a delight to watch." He laughed. "I haven't been this entertained in millennia. I'm glad you've found someone that you wish to know intimately." His eyebrows rose and his eyes glowed with amusement. "She's a stunning woman. I don't know who I'm more jealous of. Her, or you?"
"Algernon!" Padma growled in warning.
He waved her off. "Please, you've had your moment to froth at the mouth. It's my turn." He rested his forearms on the surface in front of him and grinned at Lorcan. "You must forgive Padma. She's been in a bad mood since… well, I think she's always been in a bad mood." His laughter echoed in the quiet room, mixing with Carys' musical giggles. The two were quite the pair, Carys resembling a petite snow fairy, and Algernon a dashing and swarthy swashbuckler. Padma growled low in her throat and glared at them.
This incubus might be my hero, thought Fred, stunned that someone else finally had the guts to tell Padma where to stick it, and didn't despise him.
"What was I saying again?" Algernon paused. "Ah, yes. As much as we have all, well, mostly all," he said, smiling as he gave a nod toward Padma. "As much as we have enjoyed your foray into sex, Lorcan, you have broken a few rules. And by a few I believe you have broken every single one we have. I could be wrong. If I'm honest, I skimmed." He winked. "Administration details are not my forte. Be that as it may, we need to discuss your many, many flagrant violations of our laws." Algernon cleared his throat.
Ugh. Fun's over. Fred frowned.
"You have presented this council with a unique set of problems. We have never had a lilin refuse his sexual rites and become an imaginary friend. New rules were established to cover this unprecedented occurrence. I believe you broke all of them." He looked like he fought a grin and tilted his face downward. When he looked back up, his expression was serious.
"You have lusted after and fed off a charge as an imaginary friend. I believe this, and abandoning your, uh, former-current charge, was what terminated your position. I am sorry it had to come to that. While I, myself, am all for freedom of expression and loving whomever you wish, we do have our laws to protect mortals and our society. This leads me to the other laws you have broken."
Fred winced. I'm a right sexual deviant. "Are you sure you just don't have too many laws?"
Algernon sighed and straightened his shoulders. "These include failing to report to your assigned supervisor for feeding, feeding off an unauthorized mortal, committing sex acts with a mortal, using your powers as a lilin without authorization, bringing an unauthorized being into Lullabi, telling a mortal about Lullabi and our existence, and I believe that is the majority. Oh, and we certainly mustn't forget causing a delicious orgy in a motel… Bravo, by the way." He winked and waved his hands. "Anyway, honestly, slogging through our laws is a punishment, but it comes with the job." Algernon stroked his mustache as he looked at Fred.
"You have caused quite the uproar. I think your name is all that has been on everyone's lips. Ah, to be so popular." Algernon grinned. "Unfortunately for you, everyone is not moaning your name is ecstasy. It's a tragedy, really. Lorcan just rolls off the tongue." Fred blanched and at the strangled sound from Padma, Algernon rolled his eyes. "Yes, back to business." He pulled a face. "All work and no play make us so dull."
Carys, coughed delicately and Algernon flashed her a charming smile.
"Carys is, of course, reminding me to stay on topic. She's such a remarkable succubus. Unlike some I know."
"Algernon," Dahlia chided.
"Yes, yes. I didn't interrupt you!" He huffed. "Honestly. No one appreciates me."
Carys' giggle made him pause and smile over at her. "I take it back. Carys appreciates everyone. I'll behave only because you're my favorite." He turned back to Fred. "The long and the short of it is, you have broken our laws. This is fact. The matter at hand is your punishment. Some-" He paused dramatically and flicked his eyes toward his right. "...want you to stay in Lullabi and never set foot in the mortal realm again. I view that as rather extreme. Some of us more reasonable beings think a compromise is in order."
"He is a threat," Sirius said, glaring at Fred.
"Tut. Tut." Algernon waved a finger at the irate incubus. "Daddy is talking. Wait your turn."
"Enough of your grandstanding!" Sirius growled.
Algernon raised one shoulder. "Me? Grandstand? I would never." He bit back a smile. "I am merely offering my perspective, as is my right. You can't dictate how we speak, Sirius."
Sirius mumbled under his breath.
"So, Lorcan," Algernon said, still smiling. "What shall we do with you?"
"Um…" Fred's mind was a tornado after hearing all of his charges, so he went with what made him most comfortable. Flashing an awkward smile, he shrugged and said, "Thank me for giving you lot something new to deliberate after all these years and call it a day?" The cold stares and throat clearings from the council told him his jest went unappreciated. Padma glared so harshly her entire face puckered and Fred thought it might implode. No getting around this one.
Slouching, he rolled his eyes, but went quiet. He wasn't sure what to say about all he'd done, other than request Lizzie never find out he'd caused the world's worst orgy. He scuffed his foot on the ground, biding his time. "Um," he muttered, knowing these might be his final moments of freedom before the council sentenced him, asked for his final words, and tossed him in a tiny box. He hoped they'd at least let Lizzie remember him...
"Okay. So, I know I broke, well, everything really," he said, tapping his fingertips together. "And created a mess. Several of 'em. It's complicated. Er, sorta. I guess? Not something I did on purpose, I mean- or will do again! I…" He took a deep breath. Why did he have trouble speaking now? He was never short on things to say and this situation frustrated him to no end. "Okay. Here goes. I'd very much like to still go to the mortal realm. I have to. I-"
"You break all our rules and still want us to let you go back?" Sirius frowned. "You created this mess and we're supposed to let you return so you can finish what you started?" He slammed his hands down on the table, making Fred jump. "Clearly he's learned nothing! He should be barred from the mortal realm permanently!"
"No!" cried Fred. "That's not-"
"Revoking that right is so extreme," Dahlia said. "It has only been done as a last resort. Yes, Lorcan is unorthodox and he has yet to complete his rite, but to bar him forever is completely unnecessary." She looked at Fred. "You wish to fix this situation?"
Fred nodded, desperately. "Yes! I do. Of course I do! I, I feel terrible about what happened because I'm… I'm sssorry," he said, his breath shaking as he struggled to get the words out. Fred squeezed his hands. Saying that had been one of the hardest things he'd ever done. "Please, there's gotta be some way to work this out. You can't keep me here." He felt his body shaking at the possibility, almost physically sick at the idea of being severed from Lizzie. "Please, don't take her away from me!"
"It is too little, too late!" Padma sneered. "You have flaunted your aversion to our ways in our faces for centuries, and now, when you will be punished as you deserve, you come with your apologies? Save them!"
"You're just a hateful, old witch!" Fred spat. "It doesn't matter what I say. You just wanna stick me in a box! You haven't changed one bit."
"Neither have you! You're the same smart-mouthed incubus with no regard for his own kind!" Padma stood. "You will not go back to the mortal realm if I have any say in the matter!"
Algernon leaned forward, resting his chin in the palm of his hand as he smiled at Padma. "My dear Padma. You really need to calm down. All this hostility may actually cause you to age." The faint buzz of his powers flowed out and enveloped Padma. The angry look on her face slowly faded, and she sat down with a dreamy smile. "Much better," he said as Fred watched in surprise.
"Thank you, Algernon," said Dahlia. "You may want to leave as soon as this is all over before that wears off."
Algernon waved a hand. "She's all bark and no bite." He grinned. "I would be delighted to find out if it is actually true, though."
"Later, please," Dahlia said, hiding her smile. "Lorcan, Padma was only slightly correct. You cannot go back to the mortal realm as you are."
Fred scoffed. "Of course not! I can't go back nude." He rolled his eyes and Dahlia sighed.
"And here I was hoping you had changed," she said.
"He is still a virgin, and a menace." Sirius grumbled.
"Lorcan, you need to complete your rite." Dahlia waited, her gaze on Fred's face.
"Yeah, I knew you were gonna say that," he muttered, deflating and going quiet again. Watching Dahlia he knew what he had to ask. His chances were slim, but they were all he had if he wanted his wish. Anxiety etched into his expression and seeped into his chest, making his heart pound. His jaw tightened and his fists clenched. Here goes.
Holding his head high, Fred straightened and crossed his arms. "But I have something to say."
"Before he begs off losing his virginity, again, may I suggest some ladies who would be more than happy to rectify his situation?" Remy called.
"Piss off, Raw End Remy!" Fred quickly said over his shoulder. Adrian snickered.
"Virgin says, 'what?'" Remy said in a lower voice.
"What?" Fred squinted at him in annoyance and Remy snorted.
"My brothers are idiots." Shea slapped her forehead.
"Yeah." Fred nodded at his sister. "I- Hey!" He glared.
"Thanks for lumping me in with them," Pollux muttered.
"Lorcan, you wished to say something?" Dahlia said, bringing them all back to the topic at hand.
Tensing, Fred turned back to the succubus and took a deep breath. "Yeah. I'll go through with the rite. I understand I have to, but I want it to be with Lizzie," he said, crossing his arms again and taking a deep breath. "I love her... That's why I did what I did."
"I'm sorry, what?" Dahlia stared in shock.
"You want to have sex with the mortal?" Sirius sputtered.
"I did not see that coming," Remy said.
"We're still waiting for Lorcan to make anyone cum," added Castor.
"He has to find the train station first," chimed in Adrian.
"I'm- I'm sorry," Dahlia stammered at Fred. "Are you asking the council to let you have sex for the first time with the mortal woman who was once your charge?" Her brows furrowed as Fred nodded back at her.
"Ooh, how delightfully scandalous," Algernon said, grinning.
"It's what I do, apparently," he answered him. "But if she feels the same way I do, yeah sure, I'll go through with it." Fred took in the rest of the council's disbelieving expressions, then smiled, and shrugged. "I'm in love. Surprise?" He might feel like a wreck, but he wouldn't show it.
The council went silent. Dahlia squinted again, as if unsure of what she'd just heard, Sirius' right eye twitched, and Padma and Valerian sat frozen in place.
Bemused, Algernon nudged Valerian. "I win!" he whispered, igniting the musical laughter of Carys from the end of the table.
Leaning forward, her eyes shone. "So, Lorcan, you have changed after all."
Fred felt his cheeks warm. I was right. This is awful. I hate being home, he thought, but smiled at Carys. "Thank Lizzie, I guess."
"We'll send her a fruit basket. Mortals love those," Algernon said, grinning.
"I don't think that will be necessary," Dahlia murmured. She looked from Algernon to Fred. "Lorcan, you cannot complete your rite with a mortal. It is completely out of the question."
"But why? Lizzie's not just a mortal to me," he said, annoyance tinging his voice about the way they kept referring to her. "I choose her. Everyone else picks someone for their rite. I can't help if I fell for a human. I won't hurt her-"
"He's probably lying about being in love with her. He knows it's what we'd want to hear," Sirius said, glaring at Fred.
Fred rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, because my go to's gonna be to spout about feelings and love and sappiness to save my skin. Have you met me at all? I should be convulsing right now!"
Sirius leaned forward. "I think you would say whatever you have to so we don't lock you in a room and forget you ever existed."
"I think you'd miss me. That constipated face of yours would go to waste." Fred sneered.
"Clearly, he has not changed." Sirius sighed and looked over at Carys. "Enough excuses. Just ban him from the mortal realm so we may go back to our duties. We have wasted too much time on this miserable excuse of a lilin."
"No, wait!" Fred's heart raced. "I'll prove it! Just give me a chance!" He watched them, holding his breath.
"You have become a different incubus since you were last before us, Lorcan," said Dahlia. "A miracle to be sure. One might think you are ready to accept your place in lilin society." She folded her hands. "But your insistence on being with a mortal is an indication that you are not. No matter how you view her, she is a mortal and you aren't. You cannot have sex with her as you are. Have you forgotten why you are here? You forget yourself around her and that is dangerous in your current state. Understand it is for the greater good. Ours, yours, and hers."
Greater good? Fred struggled not to roll his eyes at this pious group of sex demons. "Did it ever occur to you lot that maybe I don't just wanna have sex with her?" He paused, realizing if he didn't say this just right he risked everything he wanted. "I want more with Lizzie…" he confessed, his voice and gaze softening. "A lot more. Something real. For the rest of her life if she'll have me. I can't- I won't just have it off with some succubus first." He made a disgusted face. "Lizzie's the woman I love... Lilin have sex with mortals all the time. It's what we do. I know I made a bit of a mess… but I can brush up on my powers so it won't happen again. She'll be safe with me."
"No one has listened with greater interest than this council, Lorcan." Dahlia held out her hands, willing Lorcan to hear her words. "You appear to be the one who does not listen. Who better to understand emotions and sex than your own people? Your love for her is what makes you dangerous to her. If you gave into your baser urges you could drain her and leave her mad or dead. Do you understand why you cannot be with her as you are? You are too inexperienced. It is not to meant to be. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, well, you're wrong!" Anger tinged his panicked voice. "Lizzie and I belong together. I feel it! I'm the only one who's ever loved her, cared for her, helped her. She still needs me, I know it! There's something real here and you can't take it away!" He panted, angry at them and himself. Why did he have to be lilin? He felt her inside him, like a knot in his chest which squeezed his heart at the mention of losing her. She was his life. If he'd been human, he wouldn't have this council of bastards telling him his love was wrong. "She wants me to stay. You can't do this. You can't take me away from her!"
Seeing Fred's distress made Felicia stand. "There is something you need to know. It's crucial you hear this and understand why Lorcan is so attached to Lizzie." She looked at each member of the council. "Would you be willing to hear it from the doctors who examined both Lorcan and Lizzie?"
"Very well. Summon the doctors, please," Dahlia said.
At her summons, Emil appeared in a swirl of black smoke with a dark-skinned woman materializing beside him. She carried folders of her own, her hair done up neatly with golden beads woven into the braids. Tossing her head back, she glanced at Adrian and flashed him a tiny smile before her expression ebbed into a stoic mask.
Adrian elbowed Remy and grinned. "That's mine."
"I know. Raven, told me." Remy grinned at Raven who ignored him by pretending to listen to Emil. "Not as into playing doctor as I would have thought."
"Your Honors," said the succubus, bowing her head. "I'm Doctor Raven. I was assigned to examine the mortal woman, Elizabeth Cronin and I've found something worth mentioning before discussing Lorcan."
At hearing this, Fred stood taller, holding his breath. What had she found? Hadn't Felicia said Lizzie was unharmed? "Isn't she alright?"
Clearing his throat, Emil raised his hand. "We've both found something, actually, Your Honors. Though, my findings were in Lorcan."
"What? In me?" Fred pointed at himself and glanced back at his family with concern. What the hell was Emil talking about? When the pompous loon had examined him, he'd said nothing had been out of the ordinary. "Just when were you gonna tell me? There's something wrong with us?" he asked.
"Don't get me started on that list…" Emil muttered without a glance his direction.
"Did he find that stick up his ass?" Remy asked, grinning.
Castor snorted. "I bet it's a log."
"I was asked to ascertain Lorcan's mental state," said Emil, annoyed and tucking his hair behind his ears. "After examination, I've concluded he is indeed of sound mind."
"That has to be a mistake," Remy muttered.
"Remy, hush!" Calliope hissed. "I want to hear this!"
Shea and Andras both shared an anxious, knowing look.
"The mortal as well," said Raven. "No signs of insanity or physical harm, just some parental issues and scars from an abominable ex-husband. Personally, I think that man should be on trial himself, and may Karma be swift."
Fred's relief that Lizzie remained unharmed nearly dropped him to the floor, but he couldn't stop his running thoughts. If she was fine, if they both were, then what had they found?
"I wish we could try her husband," Shea grumbled. "What an asshole."
"During my examination of Lorcan," said Emil, "I discovered his magic suit effectively stamped out his nature by tricking his body into a state just before adolescence. As the magic wore off over time, he re-entered adolescence, needing to finally feed. I'd place him at that point right now, but it's temporary." Emil smiled proudly and straightened his files. "In about a day he should fully function as an adult incubus."
Fred's eyes widened. A day?
"Oh, so he's a teenage virgin, again," Remy said.
Emil cast Remy a dirty look. "I'd also like to make mention that while Lorcan did feed from several mortals this night, only one is draining the suit's magic from him. Elizabeth Cronin. And very quickly, for that matter."
"Lizzie's… Why?" Neither doctor heard Fred's whisper.
"So, I can't be fully blamed for that snot rag blowing up? I'll take it!" Shea grinned, pumping her fist. Gabriel nudged her and she settled back in her seat still smiling.
Lifting her chin, Raven stepped into the center of the room. "I also found something strange regarding the mortal. While I did find Elizabeth highly amped on lust as expected, there were surprisingly no signs of physical exhaustion from the feeding." She glanced at Fred as if studying him a moment. "I've never encountered anything like that before, and none of my research provided an answer."
"But that's good, isn't it? She's unaffected." Fred shrugged, trying his best to stay positive.
Raven looked at him incredulously. "She's mortal and this isn't the expected outcome. I don't like not having answers. Just because something appears stable now doesn't mean it stays that way. Mortals are fragile beings compared to us. They need our every precaution."
Fred gulped, but held to his facade. "I don't know. She's resilient. I whapped her with a shovel once and she didn't crack." He smiled, but even he didn't believe himself.
"It's just more proof he's a menace!" Padma said, her cheery haze gone. "I'm sure the mortal will be insane when she is examined again!"
Raven returned her focus toward the council. "After searching some texts, I returned to the mortal for further examination. I had a suspicion… and Your Honors, I found something big." She anxiously glanced at Emil.
"Was it a smile?" Adrian snorted.
"If it's big, can't be Lorcan's penis," Remy sing-songed.
"Don't belittle, uh, joke about your brother's penis! All the incubi in our family are huge! Lorcan is no different!" Calliope smiled at Fred. "It's alright, Darling. I'm sure your mortal knows you're very well-endowed."
Fred's mouth opened and closed, a high-pitched breath escaping him. "Oh goody. Just what every lad wants to hear from his mum."
"But who better to know than your mother?" Calliope asked. She looked at Remy. "All of you are very capable lovers. Of course I know what sizes you are."
"We know, Mother," Remy said. "But Lorcan is never home to hear it. You should tell him some more."
"Ugh! Stop it! My knob doesn't need a pep talk, thank you!"
"Are you sure?" asked Adrian. "What if he runs away again for three hundred more years of winter?"
"He might need to tie a string to it," Remy snickered.
Whining, Fred turned to his mother. "Mum! Make them stop teasing me about my knob!"
Calliope opened her mouth to speak, but Andras squeezed her knee. "He doesn't need your input, Calliope."
"But-"
"Let it go, Dear," he said.
Emil smirked, hands behind his back as he paced before his audience. He'd waited years for this moment. Everyone had told him he would never make close to the monumental discoveries in science as his father had, but today he would prove them wrong, and right before the eyes of the council. Right before Algernon.
Algernon smoothed back his dark hair, winked at Emil and waggled his eyebrows at Raven.
As Emil paused at the end of the council's row, Fred noticed his doctor's glance at Algernon lasted a little too long to be natural. His brow furrowed.
"Perhaps this will best explain our findings…" Emil waved his hands, black smoke swirling from his fingertips. A life-size, holographic image in the shape of a woman appeared, silhouetted in white. It hovered in the center of the room.
"Better avert your eyes, Lorcan," Remy called out. "You might see a lady's breasts!"
Emil over exaggerated clearing his throat to bring all focus back to him. "This is a representation of a normal human's soul. We all know they're white and shimmery, like light. Now this…" He waved his hands again and a male figure appeared beside the woman, except it resembled a shadow. "This is a lilin's soul. Black as night."
Fred scrunched his nose, watching the entire presentation. He felt as if he were at school and it frustrated him. Where was he going with this? He wondered if Emil even had a point or if he just flagrantly loved to talk.
"Maybe Lorcan will finally get the sex education he's been lacking," Castor said.
"How long is he going to talk? I have a few appointments to keep," Remy said, sighing. "Sex waits for no lilin."
"Lorcan, step forward," said Emil.
Fred jumped. "Why?" he asked, standing rigid. "I already said I'm not giving you any samples!"
Emil rolled his eyes. "No, not now. I do want them later. Please do come here."
"What if I say no?"
"Now."
His tone left no room for argument and Fred noticed every eye in the room focused on him. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward. Emil held out his hand.
"Stay still."
"Bet that's what he said to that mortal," Remy said, his voice lowered.
Fred fidgeted. "Am I allowed to blink? How 'bout breathing?" He tilted his head and Emil groaned.
"This is the chatter I told you about," he said to Raven. "Lorcan, just stand still."
"Boy, you're in a mood." Fred rolled his eyes.
"If he says 'bend over' next, I'm going to lose it," Castor said, laughing.
Remy snorted with laughter. "Please, Bacchus, please let him say it."
"Quiet! All of you! This family is giving me a migraine! Lorcan, just do as I say," said Emil. "I need you to go incorporeal for a moment."
Scoffing, Fred shook his head. "I can't, Mr. Science. The council's snuffed my magic."
"You try my patience," he muttered, turning to the council. "I'd like to request that Lorcan be granted temporary abilities for evidence sake."
Valerian looked at his fellow council members. "Why not? I'm curious to know where this is headed."
"This is ridiculous! Why are we even entertaining the failure and the other failure?" Padma muttered.
"Get to the point!" Sirius growled.
"Have faith in science," said Emil with a smug smile.
Holding up a finger, Remy cleared his throat. "Isn't that an oxymoron?"
"Shush!" Calliope said, turning and swinging at her son. "Stop interrupting!"
Remy dodged out of habit even though his mother couldn't reach him. "Sorry!"
Dahlia looked at the guards. "Give Lorcan his powers, please." The four guards each raised an arm and pointed at Fred. The warm, electric buzz of their magic flowed out and enveloped Fred and with his magic returned, he shivered.
"Now," said Emil at Fred. "Fade out."
Shrugging, Fred faded to his incorporeal form. He noticed all attention remained on him and he wished that this form wasn't visible to other lilin. Emil's satisfied smile unsettled him as he watched the incubus open his hand and reveal a small, red orb.
"What's that for?" asked Fred.
"Doesn't even know what a ball gag is. Sad." Remy shook his head.
"So help me, Remy, I will ground you for the rest of your eternal life!" Calliope hissed.
Remy crossed his arms over his chest and slouched in his seat as his brothers laughed.
Ignoring him again, Emil lightly tossed the orb at Fred. It floated his direction, expanding and covering his being like a second skin. The red faded and Fred watched as his body grew dark as a shadow with only a small, white glow in the center of his chest.
"What the hell did ya do to me?!"
"This orb lets us see another's soul." He pointed at Fred. "Note the white."
The council members all leaned forward, staring at the bright, white spot Emil pointed to on Fred's chest. Dahlia appeared fascinated and Padma's mouth dropped open.
"This cannot be!" Sirius said.
"And here's an image taken earlier of the mortal," said Raven, shifting the hologram of the woman into the image of Lizzie's soul. Fred's eyes widened when he saw that in the same place as him Lizzie had a mark identical in size and shape with his, except hers was black.
"They've begun a mutual soul-bond," said Raven.
Fred's jaw dropped. "You've gotta be shitting me!"
"What the fuck?" Castor yelled, looking around the room.
"I can't believe it! My baby has a soulmate!" Calliope shrieked in glee.
Andras ran a hand over his face. "Of course they have." He glanced at his daughter, the moment they'd been waiting for having finally been revealed.
"She's having us on," Remy scoffed.
"But it would explain a lot of things," Pollux said.
"How can this failure start a soul-bond?" Padma growled.
Gabriel leaned closer to Shea, who fought against appearing guilty, but failed. "Did you know?" he asked.
"Me? Know about that? Nope. Not me." She smiled a little too widely.
Gabriel shook his head. "Trouble and lying badly runs in the family."
Shea stuck her tongue out.
"This is better than Little Red Riding Hood," said Adrian, unable to look away.
Clutching his chest, Fred couldn't speak. He just stared at the image of Lizzie's soul, at the black mark where a piece of his soul rested. He reached out for it, but timidly pulled his hand back and rubbed his chest instead at the place he felt her inside him. It suddenly made sense what he felt, that gnawing feeling of need and connection wasn't just his, it was her. They'd become a part of each other.
Snotface is gonna kill me…
"You just keep getting more and more interesting, Lorcan," Algernon said, grinning at Fred. "If only we had met under different circumstances."
Perplexed at Algernon's words, Fred squinted at him. His attention flitted between the hologram and Algernon, unable to focus. "What?"
Beside him, Emil's eyes flashed with jealousy that Algernon bothered to flirt with Fred. An insult in his opinion and in the face of his monumental discoveries.
Emil tucked his hair behind his ear and cleared his throat. "Their coital interruption, and I believe the suit, kept the soul-bond from progressing to the point of no return. Meanwhile, Lorcan exhibits signs of withdrawals from it not reaching completion."
Fred squinted at him, trying to process everything that tumbled like an avalanche onto his head. "Point of what?"
"And the mortal is also experiencing symptoms," added Raven. "A part of her seeks Lorcan's return. She feels him. These are not abilities mortals should possess. We're uncertain what this means for her. Every record on lilin-mortal soul-bonding shows it has been unsuccessful, as the mortals never in turn gave back a piece of their souls after the lilin offered theirs. This mutual bond… is certainly new territory." Raven surveyed Fred with apprehension.
"We're going to have a crazed or dead mortal on our hands," Padma said, crossing her arms over her chest. "He is a danger!"
"Not necessarily," said Raven. "Soul-bonds only mutually happen between soulmates. All evidence points to this being Fate, despite Elizabeth's mortality."
"Soul… mates?" Fred squeaked, his eyes wide. "Me and Snotface?"
Padma mumbled to herself, and refused to acknowledge the doctors.
"Fate? A lilin and a mortal cannot live together indefinitely," Sirius said, staring at the doctor. "Mortals cannot stand long-term exposure to us."
"That is true," said Emil. "Without the suit, Lorcan can only be near the mortal a few days at a time. Even a week is pushing it before needing weeks or months apart. Long-term, even six months spread out, is impossible for her sake."
"I'm curious what this means for the mortal's health with a piece of a lilin's soul inside her," said Valerian with concern. "What happened to the other mortals on record?"
Emil took a deep breath. "They all died. Exhaustion, but they slipped into madness before that. And, at this time we don't know the answer to Lizzie's fate, but it is doubtful the outcome will be different if the bond completes."
"She will need to be monitored until we can determine the next course of action to take," Dahlia said. She looked over at Fred who didn't appear to be following the conversation.
Fred's eyes grew wider and wider and he looked down at his chest, caught in a strange mix of bewilderment and bliss, unable to stop his grin. Lizzie was a part of him and with his magic restored he felt her stronger than before. Its intensity scared him, but he wanted more, and savored it. Her soul felt like a warm embrace, fluttering near his heart and he felt so happy he wanted to burst. He wondered what it would feel like if the soul-bond completed, what it would be like to be a part of her and make love to her.
Slowly the blackness faded from Fred and his features returned, leaving him in his corporeal form with a lovesick grin on his face. Lizzie cared about him enough to give him a part of herself and he recalled her words from the dream.
'Stay with me. Be mine always.'
Suddenly Lizzie's blissful presence in his soul made him ache to be close to her again, to feel her body and her soul against him and all around him. The feeling of being so far away pained him and he felt the emotion mirrored in her mixed with confusion. She wanted this, too and he gasped under its call.
Raven lifted her hand and flicked her magic his direction. A calming wave of energy washed over him, dropping him to his knees in his physical form. "Elizabeth will remain under my care. Lorcan is another matter… Case in point," she said, nodding at him as he panted on the floor.
"The good news is, their soul-bond is temporary at this stage since they avoided the point-of-no-return, but as you can see Lorcan craves to complete it," said Emil.
"We cannot allow them to complete it," Dahlia said, frowning. "He needs to remain here until the soul-bond is undone."
"For once, you are speaking sense," Padma said, looking from Dahlia to Fred. "Lorcan cannot go back to the mortal. Better for all he never goes back to the mortal realm."
"I didn't say he should never go back!" Dahlia glared. "He just cannot have a soul-bond with a mortal. It will only end in heartache."
"Are we all in agreement that the soul-bond between Lorcan and the mortal must be undone?" Sirius asked.
"Absolutely!" Padma said and after a moment, Dahlia nodded.
"I'm not!" Algernon said. "Can't something be done?"
"There must be another way," Carys murmured.
Valerian nodded. "Yes. For their sake, we shouldn't be too hasty. If they are soulmates, then a solution must be found."
"Shouldn't the two involved get a say?" Shea demanded.
Sirius waved her off. "They are clearly not equipped for a decision such as this!"
Shea glared. "Why you-"
Gabriel clamped a hand over her mouth. "Calling him names won't help."
'It'll make me feel better,' Shea spoke in Gabriel's mind.
"Trust me. It helps," said Fred, pulling himself back to his feet. His lovesick haze had dissipated and he noticed Raven must have blocked his powers to give him back his senses. He glared at Sirius. "Look, I might be an utter, utter fuck up of an incubus, but if Lizzie's my soulmate, you can't just take her away from me."
"You prefer a dead soulmate to a living one?" Sirius sneered.
"Well… that's a downer," said Adrian.
Crossing his arms, Fred sneered back. "She's my soulmate. Why would this even happen if it was just gonna end in death?"
"That's opening a can of worms," Remy said. "Everyone loves a good tragedy. Romeo and Juliet. Cathy and Heathcliff. Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Hitler and Eva Braun. I'm sure there's more."
Eyes wide, Fred stared at Remy. "Whose side are you on?" he hissed.
"I'm all for you having sex, but you need to think of her. She'll get you for just a little while and you'll have to go away again. Is that the kind of life you want for her?" Remy looked into Fred's eyes. "You'll probably hate me, but I'm just saying she deserves someone who won't pop into and out of her life."
The anger washed away from Fred's face and he stared back at his brother. Remy was right. Fred knew he was right and hated him for it. How could he give Lizzie the life she needed and deserved when he was an incubus? She already didn't forgive him for leaving her last time and she'd asked him to stay both in and out of her dream.
It suddenly hurt to breathe and Fred placed his hand over his chest, over their soul-bond. They were meant to be together, he knew it, but how could they make it come true? She was mortal and he was a demon. What if the only way for them had been his suit? Fred suddenly hated what he was more than ever before.
Fred tried speaking, but a shaky breath came out under the weight of his pain. Several seconds passed before he had enough control to try again.
"Alright," he whispered hoarsely, the room blurring as his eyes burned with tears. He quickly covered them with his hands, the ache in his chest feeling like it would break him. "I'll, I'll let her go."
Authors' Notes:
unleashthewords: Are you shocked? Well, don't give up on us now. Especially now that you've met the family! I hope you enjoyed meeting Fred's parents and some of his brothers. I'd love to know what you thought of the crazy. :)
zombierose3: Don't hate us! We have more chapters written and coming!
- 5
- 6
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Dark Lullaby