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Forget Me Not	By : Ladykohl Category: Star Wars (All) > General Views: 22071 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Prologue
- 2-Part 1
- 3-Part 2
- 4-Part 3
- 5-Part 4
- 6-Part 5
- 7-Part 6
- 8-Part 7
- 5
- 6
- 7
Author's Note: I just wanted to thank everyone for being so patient with me over the past few months. I never imagined how much work went into reworking a story! Also, I want to thank Doloris personally... You've been with this story since the beginning, and I love to see how commited you seem to be to seeing it out to the end!
Last, but NOT least, thanks to my awesome beta - Dru. She's put just as much work in to this story as I have... I would even say she's put more. She's made this story beautiful... and I don't know what it would have been without her.
With that being said, I just wanted to add that I am really proud of this chapter for some reason. I think it might possibly be my favorite... I just think it has some of the best writing in the story, and I'm happy to finally put it out there. Don't ask me why... because I don't know. I hope you can see for yourself what I mean!
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Part 5
�Evil merely buries goodness. It does not, can not,
destroy it.�
- Professor Fridley

She is in so much pain. Fear and agony bleed out from her eyes along with the steady stream of tears she sheds. My heart feels as though it will collapse from the overwhelming sorrow at having to watch Padm� suffer. I can see nothing but her face - hear nothing but her wails. My Padm�, she is dying. Gods, and I can do nothing to save her! Nothing to soothe her pain! I love her so much. Why can�t I save her? My wife. My other half.
She means everything to me.
She cries out my name. She tells me to stop but I can't stop. I don't even know what it is that I'm doing. I don't understand. I want to stop. I want to hold her and tell her everything is all right, but I can�t. She can't hear me. I want to tell her how much I love her - how much I love our child - our children - if there truly are two. I would be the happiest man alive if I could just be with them; if I could raise my family in peace. That's all I want.
But Padm� is silent now. The silence pierces my heart and I wonder if I will ever be able to breathe again.
Padm� is dead.
****
�No!� I woke up calling out - drenched in my own sweat. It was something I was quite used to by then. My labored breath was evidence of how deeply the dream had affected me. Though it hadn�t seemed much like a dream. At least not the ones I had become
accustomed to. It had seemed more like a memory.
I remembered, on Mustufar, what I had said, what I had done - to Padm�. Something had taken me over. I heard everything she said. I saw how I was breaking her heart, but I was powerless to stop myself. Part of me knew she was right - the same part of me that knew Obi-Wan was always right. I wanted to stop what I was doing and hold her to me. Her offer to run away and raise our child together was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard, though it was impossible for me to accept. Deep down I knew it was already too
late for me, and that Padm� would never accept me for who I was. The thought was unbearable. I couldn't stop myself from raising my hand to tighten the Force around her neck. But I had let her go before she died. I felt her. I would never have killed her. She loved me. I had to believe she had loved me. She would have forgiven me eventually. But she had been taken away from me anyway.
I sat up and put my legs over the side of the bed, holding my head in my hands.
How had Padm� really died? Had someone killed her after she had delivered our children? Had childbirth been too much for her small body to take? She had been so heart broken.
And then my most horrific fear - had she killed herself?
I shot out of bed and grabbed my robe from off the floor. Wrapping it around myself, I left my room for the balcony. Once there, I let the synthesized wind cool the sweat on my body until I began to shiver. My eyes traveled over the restless city, over the crowded
traffic lanes, over the countless buildings and lights and settled on the Jedi temple once more. What I had done there... I could still hear the youngling ask me what was to be done about the attack. He had been startled when I engaged my lightsaber, but he had not been scared. Just startled. They never expected me to hurt them. I was Anakin Skywalker. They knew me. Looked up to me. They knew I would protect them. And I had killed them. I killed them and they had done nothing. They had trusted me. Younglings. Children.
I closed my eyes and cut off the treacherous train of thoughts. What did it matter that they trusted me? Children or not - they were my enemies. They would have grown into adults and they would have come after me. I would have had to kill them sooner or later. What use did prolonging the inevitable serve? Their fate ended in death at my light saber no matter how old they were.
I opened my eyes and narrowed them at the ruined temple. I did what I had to do. I became what I became and there was nothing, not even the power of the Force that could change that now.
****
I walked hesitantly in to the slave girl�s dark room. I almost felt like knocking - as though it were only 'polite' to alert her to my presence. It was a strange feeling. It was then that I realized my attitude toward the young slave had changed considerably since her arrival in my life. It wasn�t as though I cared for her in the least but something had certainly changed.
At first when I walked into the room, I could hear the muffled sound of crying, and then I could not. I assumed she saw me in the doorway and was afraid to make a sound. I tilted my head and scanned the dark room until I located her. She was crouched on the floor against the wall. It dawned on me that this was her place, one she seemed to favor over
any other.
�Why do you sit up against the wall like that?� I asked. �You've been given a bed. Surely that would be more comfortable to lie on and cry your useless tears of self-pity.� There was silence for a few moments.
�My husband was killed as we lay in bed.� She answered finally. Her voice was thick with her choked back tears. It suddenly occurred to me I had never seen her in a bed other than my own. I walked over to her slowly, and knelt in front of her. She refused to meet my gaze.
�Let me see your face.� I demanded quietly. At first I wondered if she would obey for she made no move to turn to me. After a moment, however, she did as I asked - though she would not meet my eyes. I scanned her distinctive features. It was odd. I had unquestionably noticed this girl�s resemblance to my wife, and I had reacted to it but I never stopped to really consider the implications. So strange that a nameless woman
from some back water planet could look so much like the woman who should have been my empress. It seemed nearly impossible that Sidious could find a being that not only looked like her, but just was so much like her that it would fill me with both rage and despair. As I sat in the dark like that in front of her, the slight differences between the girl and Padm� were not as apparent and I could almost imagine there were none. It could have been Padm�s brown eyes. Padm�s lips. Padm�s slim neck. Padm�. I reached out to run my hand across the girl's cheek, and she recoiled from me with a sharp jerk. I curled my fingers into a fist, and dropped my hand to my side. No. This was not Padm�.
Why did I insist upon torturing myself?
Silence washed over us and then, surprisingly, the girl spoke.
�If I was wrong in why you hate me as you do, I implore you - tell me so that I may know why I am forced to live this life of disgrace. Why I�m reduced to nothing every day. Why--� I raised a finger to silence her. Her breath caught, and I knew she was expecting me to strike her again. I didn't understand why she couldn't keep her thoughts to herself � even with her fear of me. Such was my puzzlement I decided to answer her question.
�Padm�...� I started quietly with my eyes on her dress. �Was my wife.� I looked up at her at the same moment she looked up at me in confusion. Or disbelief.
�Wife?� She asked incredulously. I smiled a small shadow of a smile as I remembered Padm�s laugh. The sound echoed hauntingly in my head and my smile faded away.
�She was the light that led the way whenever I would stray from the path. Every night, and every day she torments me now.� I said all this, not knowing where the words were coming from, or why I was allowing myself to say them. I spoke of Padm� with no one. That just made her more real, and if I could have I would have tried to convince myself she had never existed. �You see, she died trying to protect me from myself. She died despite what I did to try and save her. She died perhaps because of what I did to save her.� I laughed - a shallow sound that came from the back of my throat. �It's amusing in it�s irony...� I shrugged slightly as my expression hardened. �Now I must live with that. The knowledge I could have been content. You were chosen specifically by a very cruel
and intelligent man to be a constant reminder of something I can never have - no matter how powerful I become.� I looked at her for a moment, and then stood.
�I don't hate you because you look like her,� I continued. �I hate you because you aren�t her.�
And with that, I left her room.
****

�You have found Obi-Wan?� I asked in the deep, synthetic voice the suit created. Young Fett stood almost proudly in front of me, helmet in hand. He nodded a slight smile on his face. For some reason or another, his arrogance was more than a little grating on my nerves. Lately, I found things annoyed me more than they normal. I'd taken to meditating
every night and morning to clear my thoughts and rid myself of the emotions that tore at me relentlessly.
�Yes.� The boy answered. �It took some time, and I had to kill a few men, but--�
�Where is he?� I interrupted impatiently. I was in no mood for embellishments. He faltered only slightly and when he continued it was without his usual bravado. Fett's ability to recover himself so quickly while managing to keep from looking fearful or stumbling over his words didn't fail to leave a favorable impression, however. He had been trained quite well.
�It seems he's been in hiding on a wretched little planet in the outer rim.� He started. �A planet called Tatooine.�
My blood began to boil immediately at hearing his words.
�What?� I roared. Fett's eyes shifted, as if he were gauging how best to defend himself, but otherwise he did not react. �You're certain of this?�
�I wouldn't have come to you with this information if I wasn't sure.� He responded with calm assurance.
�Leave me.� I said. A flash of puzzlement crossed his features before he could catch himself. Clearly Fett had not predicted such a response from his employer. He had brought me Obi-Wan�s whereabouts and I should've been quite pleased. And, had he uttered the name of any other planet, my reaction would've been the one he expected. However, he had no idea of the bitter and painful memories Tatooine held for me.
The bounty hunter wisely asked no questions. With a curt bow acknowledging his dismissal, he donned his helmet and swiftly left to collect his pay.
As soon as the door slid shut I removed my own concealing helmet and threw it across the room with a howl of rage. Tatooine? Tatooine! Obi-Wan dared to hide under my nose in the very place I'd been born? It was a deliberate slap in the face. He wanted me to find him. He wanted to anger me! Why else Tatooine?
Unless...
I strode to the window as thoughts ran through my mind of their own accord. Owen. Beru. They still lived on Tatooine. Would Obi-Wan have been so misguided as to place my children there? He would've wanted to remain close by to keep an eye on things; to take the twins away if their location were ever discovered. It all suddenly seemed so clear. I cursed myself silently for not having thought of it sooner. Hiding them in plain sight. It was exactly the sort of mad scheme Obi-Wan would try to pull off.
�We will be going to this Tatooine, then?� A soft voice asked from the far side of the room. I turned to see the girl staring out the window at the streaming Coruscant traffic.
�What do you mean, �we�?� I asked coldly. I walked away from the window and over to the large sofa, but did not sit down. I could almost see the plan forming in her head. Tatooine was not far from Danumar. Perhaps she thought she could escape while I was preoccupied with Obi Wan and my children. �Why would I take you anywhere? You'll stay here.� She didn't react but maintained her watch over Imperial City.
�You dreamt of her last night.� She said listlessly. I tensed.
�I don�t know what you mean.�
�Your wife.� She responded matter-of-factly, as though she were speaking of nothing more important than the weather. �You called her name out in your sleep. Something was happening to her. You kept saying �no� over and over.�
�What's your point?� I asked, moving slowly toward her. She finally tore herself away from the view and met my gaze head on.
�I believe you loved her, milord.� I stopped short, but she once again turned her eyes back to the city just outside.
�I believe you still love her. And anyone capable of love is capable of doing good.� I reached across to her through the Force and wrenched her face around. Hadn't she learned her lesson from the previous time she'd attempted to speak to me about love?
�How dare you presume to think you know anything about me?� I snarled before used the Force to pick her up and hurtle her across the room and against the wall. She fell to the floor with a loud thud, and a sharp cry. I was upon her before she hit the ground.
�Any goodness I possessed died with Padm�. You can let go of that hope.� I said as I reached down and lifted her up by her hair. Leaning in, I rested my forehead against
hers and whispered, �Your husband is dead, and you'll die too. You'll die without ever knowing if your children are dead, or alive, or worse. If they do live, your daughter likely be forced into prostitution and your son will be kept as a slave.� She began to sob at this. �I won't help you reunite with them, nor will I help you find out what has become of them. You will live out the rest of your useless existence never knowing.� I let her drop to the floor. Instantly she curled up into a tight, protective ball, her sobs muffled but still loud in the otherwise quiet room.
�Tell me, are these the actions of a good man? Would a good man allow these things to happen?� I asked her jeeringly and then started to walk away.
The girl's head suddenly lifted. �I hope your Padm� sees what you have become,� She spat. �And if she does, rest assured she hates you as much as I!� In a moment my
lightsaber was in my hand and vibrating within an inch of her throat. �Do it.� She said. �Do it!� I stared at her, sweat glistening on my lip and brow, and then I disengaged my weapon.
�I have no plans of making it that easy for you.� I said. I retrieved my mask with a wave of my hand and walked away from the broken girl. �I won't be long.�
********
�Revenge is a confession of pain.�
- Latin Proverb

�I�m sorry, is this essential Jedi training boring you?� I snapped back to reality from my thoughts and realized I was staring Obi-Wan in the eyes. The large training room was empty except for the two of us. Everyone else was still asleep. Obi-wan insisted we get up early so we could have the training room to ourselves. There were fewer distractions that way. More room to polish my skills. He didn't understand I would have distractions from my training even if there wasn't another soul on the whole of Coruscant.
�Yes, Master.� I answered, not exactly sure what he'd just asked me. Obi-Wan looked all at once disappointed, frustrated, and amused. It was a gift of his. I couldn't be so many things at one time. When I was angry it flooded my veins. When I was sad it enveloped me. My emotions were too strong. If I had to feel more than one at a time it would probably have killed me. I looked down in resignation; obviously my response had
been the wrong one.
�Anakin, you must learn to focus your thoughts.� He said with a disapproving shake of his head. The tone he took with me was all too familiar. It was starting to get old. What did he expect from me? I couldn't be like him. I was giving all I had to the Jedi Order and
it was never enough. �The Council has agreed to let you take the trials sooner than they have ever allowed any Padawan before. However, you still must prove you can control your emotions. You still have a few months to go. Don't give them cause to delay it." I narrowed my eyes at these infuriating words. My knighthood might be delayed? The Council could postpone the trials?
�I have nothing to prove to the Council. They know I'm ready or else they wouldn't have given me their initial approval.� I said. But my blood was up at the thought of the Council taking away my future. Such an insult would be impossible to tolerate. Of course, I didn't know then that there would be other ways the Council could, and would, insult me. Worse ways.
�You still have much to learn.� Obi-Wan repeated his favorite phrase. I met his gaze, not caring if he could see the anger in my eyes. More and more I was finding I wasn't really interested in his approval.
�And when will my learning be done, Master?� I asked, my features conveying how angry I truly was. �I've done more than most Jedi twice my age. I'm more powerful, too. I've proven myself again and again, and still--�
�You have proven yourself to be temperamental and headstrong, my young apprentice.� He interrupted me calmly. Calmness. I envied Obi-Wan that. �You let your emotions control your actions far more than is appropriate. It makes the Council uneasy.� I backed
away a step from Obi-Wan - a move that betrayed my sudden mistrust.
�What do you mean?� I asked suspiciously. �What have they been saying about me?� Obi-Wan sighed.
�Only what I am saying to you now.� He placed a hand on my shoulder, and I had the immediate desire to shake him off - though I refrained. �Be conscious of your emotions, Anakin. Learn to control them, or they will control you.�
�I am trying, Master.� Now it was my turn to recite my favorite phrase, though it no longer carried much weight of truth. Recently, I'd learned my emotions were in place to guide me and lead me down the right path. And I didn't mind so much that they controlled me. For they had led me to Padm�.
Obi-Wan crossed his arms and ran a finger over his mustache. I knew that look well. He was trying to understand me again. I knew he thought me unready for many things. He thought me arrogant and foolish � not ready to be a knight. I gritted my teeth to keep from saying something I shouldn't. If it had been up to him, I would still be just a Padawan. He begrudged me my skill. He was jealous.
�You have been acting strangely since your return from Naboo.� He said finally. �I know you have a strong attachment to Senator Amidala, but--�
�Padm� has nothing--�
�Senator Amidala,� He interrupted, emphasizing her title and position, and underscoring the fact I had no reason to refer to her so informally or so intimately. I glanced away to avoid his probing gaze. �Is a politician, and Jedi and politicians aren't a good mix. The Order tries to stay out of politics, Anakin. However, in your case, I'm referring to the fact that Senator Amidala is an attractive woman and you are an impetuous young man who is given to act rashly. I am only thinking of your well being when I say it would be best if you severed your attachment with her before it develops into...well, into something which could hinder or even ruin your future with the Order.�
My gaze shot back to his and at that moment I wanted to throw my mentor across the room. How dare he speak of her that way? As if she were a dalliance. As if the woman I loved so hopelessly were just trash to be disposed of. He knew nothing about her or us! I fought hard to shield my anger from him, but I knew he could sense it.
�Search yourself for where your anger comes from, Anakin. You will find a dark place.� At these words, my frustration seemed to dissolve into the Force. Some part of me knew he was right, that he was always right. He shook his head again. �I say these things to help you. I do believe you are destined for great things, but you must stay on course. You are still quite young and you must remind yourself that learning is never done.� He smiled and then gestured towards the door. "I suppose that�s enough for this morning. Get something to eat and we�ll continue your training later.� I nodded, and Obi-Wan left the room.
My thoughts instantly turned to Padm�, as they always did when I had a moment to myself. Force, my heart ached for her. I was experiencing a new level of loneliness which came from knowing my wife was waiting for me to come back. The fact I couldn't go just compounded it. I missed her with such intensity my body shook with it at times. The pain in my chest was almost too much to bear. I felt I would rather die than be apart from her a moment longer.
Closing my eyes against the sting of tears I felt welling up, I imagined Padm�s beautiful face smiling at me. She loved me as I loved her. She would wait for me. We would be together again. I could endure anything as long as she remained standing at the end of the tunnel to welcome me into her arms.
I opened my eyes and took a cleansing breath. That was all that mattered. The certain knowledge we would be together again.
****
I thought back to that particular day in the Jedi training room with Obi-Wan. It was a random memory that didn't hold much significance except for that which I'd placed on it. It had been the first time I'd felt the desire to hurt Obi-Wan. It had been the first time my
trust in him had been shaken.
He had been right, however. My anger had come from a dark place.

****
TATOOINE

Lars� Homestead
Obi-Wan was gone. It wasn't hard to sense his
presence was no longer on Tatooine. But Fett, to his
great fortune, had been right. Obi-Wan had been there
and quite recently. I could sense my former master's
residual Force signature. It was strong, but not as
strong as it once would have been. He'd probably been
using the Force as little as possible over the course
of the past two years. He would've known using it
would have put himself at risk of discovery. He had
always been an intelligent man.
As I walked the familiar path to the Lars� home, an
odd feeling struck me. The last time I had walked
these sands I had been Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Padawan.
Now I was Darth Vader, Sith Lord, masked and no longer
a young boy. I was now more powerful than I had ever
dreamed. It was strange. I'd been a child on this planet.
I'd been with Padm� on this planet. I'd been with
my mother on this planet. All the things about me that
had been good, innocent, and pure had intersected with
this place at one time or another. And my children
had been here. It seemed so fitting somehow.
As I neared the homestead, another completely
foreign feeling over took me. I stood still a few
moments as I tried to register what this new feeling
was - and then it came to me. I was sensing a child.
My child. My child was here as I had suspected. My
heart contracted painfully with an emotion I'd not
experienced for a very long time. Joy. The feeling was
familiar yet alien to me, but it was wonderful.
But it was short lived. Anger quickly swallowed my
newfound gleam of happiness and burned it to make its
own fuel. There was only one child here. Not two. Of
course they would've separated them! It would�ve been
much too easy to track them together. Great lengths had
been taken to hide my children and he more I thought
about it, the more enraged I became. Beru and Owen had
sealed their fates when they became party in this
deception. I would never have hurt them - would never
even have thought of them - but now they would die the
same as everyone else who had turned against me.
I summoned my lightsaber from my belt, and readied
to enter the home.
�Your anger is strong, Lord Vader.� The Emperor�s
voice came from behind me. I didn't know how to
react, and so I called upon the one thing I could
still credit Obi-Wan for teaching me - the ability to
remain calm. I stood straight, and turned to face him.
He smiled cruelly. I wished for the moment when I would
be able to pull those blackened teeth from his head one
by one. I remained silent, betraying nothing. �I
suppose you are wondering why I am here?�
�That is not for me to wonder, Master.�
�Ah, that may be...but you are wondering.� The smile
slowly faded from his face. �I cannot sense your
thoughts. You have made quite sure of that. But do
not think I do not know you well. I know you would
strike me down where I stand if you thought the
moment right, and I know why you are here.� His smile
reappeared. �You are wondering again how I know
this.�
�You've had someone watching me.� I said. I had no
more time left. The facade of master and obedient
apprentice was shattering. One of us would not leave
the dusty planet with breath in his body.
�Yes.� He said. �The beautiful young slave girl from
Danumar, as it turns out, has a name.� He paused.
�Si-Nia Rohar.� Rohar. I knew that name. Danumari
nobility. It suddenly became all too clear. My
Master hadn't chosen a girl who looked so much like
Padm� to torment me, he had chosen her to distract
me from her true purpose. He had bargained on my
being so consumed with anger and hatred that I
would be blinded to her true purpose.
All this time I'd been harboring a spy under my
roof. That two-faced, little... She'd lied to me
from the beginning, she'd looked me in the face and
lied. I pushed the thought away. Si-Nia Rohar would
pay for betraying me, but for the present I had more
important matters to concentrate on.
�And now you have led me to your child. The true
Chosen One, the one that must die to see that I
maintain power.� The Emperor crowed.
�Chosen One? What do you--� My words betrayed my
confusion.
�The prophecy spoke of a boy who would bring balance
to the Force. You cannot possibly still believe that
boy is you.� He moved closer to me. �You are
powerful, but not yet all powerful. If your son lives,
he will rise up to conquer you. He will be your
downfall. You know he must die.� I took a step back
and shook my head. No. This was another well thought
out lie from a manipulative man. I wouldn't be lied
to anymore. I wouldn't let him kill my son. My heir.
My son would grow strong and powerful under my guidance.
And I would rule the galaxy with him at my side.
�I am not a young boy blinded by love any longer,
Sidious. I can see very clearly now.� I engaged my
light saber. �You used my love for Padm� against me,
made me believe I killed her. You will not deceive
me for a second time. My son will live but you will
not.� The Emperor's saber came humming to life in an
instant.
�You are not ready to fight me, boy!� His smile was
gone. I would see to it he never smiled again. He came
at me with his weapon raised and I blocked it. Our
faces were close now. His eyes burned yellow hate - as
I�m sure mine did as well.
�I have been underestimated before, Master.�
He roared as I blocked his swings numerous times. Our
blades clashed together again and again. Once his came
close enough to burn a hole through my suit. I grunted
as the material melted into my skin. He cackled in glee
at his momentary triumph, but I managed to block his next
blow aimed at my neck.
I could not have imagined a more perfect arena to fight
him in. Surrounding us was nothing but the endless desert.
There was nowhere to run or hide and precious little
to Force throw. It was just sand and nothingness. It was
a level playing field. We were equally matched here.
�You cannot defeat me, Vader!� He taunted, warding off
my blade which almost succeeded in piercing a hole
through his chest.
�We'll see about that, Master.� I knew how skilled he
was with a saber and how strong he was with the Force,
but it surprised me that he was so fast. His
appearance did not lend itself to his reputation.
The suns beat down upon us and heat waves shimmered
as our weapons whirred and hissed and sparks flew.
Despite the heat and the unsure footing, our
movements were graceful and refined. Our parries and
thrusts were fluid and quick. I moved forward and he
backwards. He jabbed his saber at my stomach, and I
stepped to the side in an instant. It was though we
were dancing for a phantom crowd of spectators. It
might have appeared, to one of those invisible
observers, as though we could anticipate the other�s
moves. And to some degree, we could. It's not difficult
for Force users to do. And so we fought -
maneuvering and battling, no one gaining the upper hand,
but maintaining a stalemate. I could almost hear the
crowd in my mind, cheering and booing as the duel
raged on and on without either of us gaining an
advantage long enough to make the killing strike.
Then Sidious threw me back with an unexpected wave of
the Force, and I stumbled to the ground. He flew toward
me but I jumped to my feet just in time to parry what
could've been a fatal blow. My block kept his lightsaber
from spearing my heart, but the deflection sent his blade
in the direction of my face mask. Such was the force
behind his attack, the tip of his blade penetrated the
black metal and I felt the painful graze of the laser
on my cheek. It hurt and if I survived, I knew it would
leave a scar to be a constant reminder of the day and
of my carelessness.
The Emperor tried to take advantage of my momentary
distraction by attempting a jab to my neck. I managed to
duck in time, and then I spun around, aiming for his
side. He blocked it quite effectively and knocked me off
balance.
He was winning.
I caught myself and stood up straight. The Emperor
was a foot or so away from me, his lightsaber out at his
side. I didn't like to admit it to myself, but I was
relieved at the little reprieve. My breathing had
grown quite labored and the heat accumulating in my
suit was becoming unbearable.
�End this now, Lord Vader.� He said threateningly.
�I still have use for you, and it would prove quite an
inconvenience to have to kill you.�
I brandished my lightsaber back and forth.
�Live or die today,� I started firmly. �I won't be used
by you or anyone else ever again.�
�Then I am afraid, my misguided apprentice, this is
where we must part ways.� He said, raising his
lightsaber into attack position.
A sharp bark of laughter came from me. �Not a moment
too soon, old man.�
He lunged at me, and I side stepped him, evading death
by a mere inch. And so we resumed our dance and the
non-existent audience silently roared their approval.
They were hungry for blood. My blood, the Emperor�s
blood, it made no difference. They made no distinction
between he and I. In their eyes we were both loathsome
creatures of the same breed. Neither of us would be
wept over once gone. No one to grieve for the fallen
combatant at the end of this battle.
How times change. There was a time when both our deaths
would've been mourned by beings throughout the galaxy.
Chancellor Palpatine, beloved leader of the Republic and
Anakin Skywalker, the Hero With No Fear. Now what did it
mean? What did my life amount to? I had been a pawn of
the Jedi, and then a pawn of the Sidious. Nothing I'd
ever done had been because I wanted to do it. It seemed
like my life had always been part of some plan; some
design. Everything I'd ever been a part of had been
because someone else wanted me there.
Everything but Padm�.
I'd loved Padm� despite the Code forbidding it. I'd
married her because I wanted to marry her. She'd
been mine because I wanted her to be mine. She'd
been the only thing in my life that really meant
anything, because she'd been the only thing in my
life I'd ever wanted and had for myself. And then
she'd been taken from me.
Those were the thoughts that ran through my mind as I
faced the possibility of death. I suppose it made
sense. Of course a man would reflect upon his life -
what he'd accomplished and what he regretted
- if he thought it was in imminent danger of ending.
That was when it happened. A split second decision to
hold my lightsaber at a particular angle at just the
right moment and it was reflecting the Force lightening
back at the Emperor. If I�d hesitated a moment longer,
if my reflexes had failed me, it would've been too late
and he would've won. I watched Sidious' face mutate once
more as the Sith lightening was turned back on its source.
As he screamed in agony, I called his saber to my free
hand and it came easily.
A moment later, his arms were gone and he was on the
ground moaning and whimpering in pain. I stared down
at him for a long while knowing I had won. The ghostly
crowd chanted for me to finish him off, to kill him.
Had it been me on the ground, they�d have been calling
for the same thing. I held both lightsabers out in front
of me. Focusing my power on them, I let go - levitating
them at the level of my eyes. I slowly unlatched my
damaged helmet and pulled it off for the last time before
tossing it to the ground beside my Master. The desert
breeze was hot but it cooled my overheated skin and and
it soon would dry my sweat soaked hair that was plastered
to my skull.
I took the sabers from the air. Sidious watched me with
fear in his eyes as I approached him. I did not smile.
I had no expression at all. I wanted him to see my face
clearly and not contorted with some false emotion.
�Have mercy on me, Anakin.� He rasped as he tried to
push himself backward with his legs. I stood over him,
crossing my arms, the two humming blades resting on
either side of his neck - the same as I had done to
Count Dooku nearly three years before.
�Thanks to you, that name has no meaning to me." I
moved the blades closer to the skin of his neck and he
flinched. "The face you look upon now will be the face
ruling this galaxy...and it will be the last thing
you ever see.�
�No--�
I uncrossed my arms in a swift, violent movement. In
less time than it took to draw a breath, Darth Sidious
was dead.
What I felt just then wasn't happiness, but rather
a dark vindictive pleasure that spread through my veins
like spice.
I brought the sabers� blades in and hid them both in
my robes, and turned back toward the homestead where my
son was being kept. I strode down the steps and was about
to force my way in the door when I stopped. The feeling
from earlier - the feeling of overwhelming joy -
crashed over me as I sensed the child�s presence. A
tear trickled down my face and I laughed as I rested
my head against the metal frame.
A moment later, I gathered myself together and walked
back up the stairs. I knew where my son was now and I
would come back for him. For now, there were other
matters that required my full attention and it was
clear to me the child�s presence would prove...distracting.
I didn't have to worry about him being moved. Now that
I had felt him, there was no way anyone could hide him
from me again.
I waved my fingers at my side and sent a Force caress
across my son�s cheek. �Soon, my son.� I murmured. Then I
turned away and headed for my ship. I had some business
to take care of.

*******

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that
is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves
doesn't disturb us.�
-Hermann Hesse

Lord Vader had been gone for days. It was the
happiest I had been since being stolen from my home
on Danumar. For those few days I was able to live
without fear of pain or abuse. I even allowed myself
to entertain the idea he would not come back. I built
a fantasy in my head where the Emperor forgot about me,
and I was free to search for my children and live my
life in peace. But I knew Vader would return and when
he did the degradation would start all over again.
Eventually, he would find out the truth about me, and
when he did, he would kill me. I had resigned myself to
death, for Lord Vader had been right. I would never
know what had become of my children. I was alone in
the galaxy and had no reason to live. Death was a
merciful end to a sorrow filled life, and I was ready.

******************************************************

CORUSCANT

Lord Vader�s Official Imperial Quarters

I was sitting quietly on the settee in the sitting
room when I heard Vader�s speeder land on the platform
just outside the apartment. I did not turn towards the
sound, but kept my back to it. News of the Emperor's
death had reached Coruscant the day before. A fatal
duel with his second in command. Lord Vader was being
hailed as the heir. I had no doubt Palpatine had taken
great pleasure in taunting his traitorous apprentice
with the details of exactly how and why I had been
'given' to him.
I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath. My time
had come. I would not cry. I would not scream. I would
not beg. I would meet my death with the dignity Vader
had denied me these last months of my life. I slipped
the black hood from my head, and lay my hands in my lap.
All that remained to do was await the wrath of the man I
could expect no mercy from.
�Muver?� The voice of a young child broke the silence,
that one beautiful word hovering in the air. My eyes
flew open and my heart seemed to stop. Could I dare to
hope? I swallowed hard and then whipped around in my seat.
Hot tears sprung to my eyes. Walking towards me, with
hesitant little steps, were my children. At first I could
neither comprehend nor move. For a fleeting few seconds
I even considered they were figments conjured by my mind.
But the images never wavered. Breaking my paralysis, I
stood up and ran to them. I fell to my knees and scooped
them into my arms, raining kisses on their little faces.
�Jamro, Aiya! My darlings.� I cried. �I thought...oh Gods,
I thought such terrible things!� Their tiny arms clung to
me. I tightened my embrace, never wanting to let them go
again. I had not realized my heart was still capable of
such complete rapture. My children were alive and well.
We were together again. I smiled and wiped away my tears.
My son. Oh, he was so handsome. He had grown the tiniest
bit and he was wearing his hair shorter than before. And
my beautiful daughter! I had to bite back a fresh bout of
tears. She looked so much like her father. Same green eyes.
Same beautiful skin.
�Muver, muver!� Jamro pulled away and began jumping up
and down. �My birvday was yesterday.� I nodded, laughing
through my tears.
�I know, I know!� I looked at them both. �I have missed
a birthday for each of you.� I smiled. �Oh, but I will
make it up, my loves.� Once more I hugged them to me.
�And how do you plan on doing that, Si-Nia?� The voice I
had come to hate more than evil itself asked. He knew my
name. My blood ran cold as I slowly looked up at him.
Lord Vader stood with his back against the setting sun
making it impossible to see his face or read his
expression. Fear descended upon me with swift wings. And
suddenly reality hit me. Why had he brought my children
back to me? Why would he reunite me with them when he
swore he never would?
I quickly rose to my feet and drew the children behind my
skirts in a futile attempt at protection.
�Jamro and Aiya?� He asked. �Beautiful names.�
�You don�t understand.� I said pleadingly. �He would
have killed them if--� He waved his hand, a gesture
indicating I was to be silent. Immediately I bit back
the rest of my words. He walked down from the platform
and I was finally able to see his face.
He was smiling. That horrible, twisted smile that
terrified me beyond words. He approached me slowly and
gently pushed me aside so that he could see Jamro and Aiya.
His vindictive gaze met my eyes for a moment, and then he
knelt down to my children and I began to tremble. He ran
his fingers over Aiya�s face and the trembling turned to
shaking.
�You know...your mother has been very deceitful with
me.� He said to them in an almost fatherly manner. I
closed my eyes briefly as hot tears warmed my face. �She
knew the consequences of her actions.� They starred up at
him with the wide-eyed ignorance of the innocent. �Do you
know what that means?� He paused and then an almost
mischievious smile spread across his face. �Of course you
don�t.� With a casual wave of his hand, they abruptly
collapsed to the floor.
�No!� I screamed and sank to the floor next to them. It
took me mere seconds to realize they were both still
breathing. I looked up at Vader. �What have you done to
them?� I demanded.
�They needed their rest after such a long journey.�
He responded simply. I looked up at him, my eyes
pleading for him to understand. At that moment I
found it impossible not to hope that there was some
good left in this man standing over me. He had been
married - he knew what it was to love. I had to
believe he would understand I had done what I had
to do for my children.
�He had my children... I was powerless.�
�Tsk, tsk, tsk....� He clicked his tongue against the
roof of his mouth and shook his head. �We're never
powerless to tell the truth.� He glanced down at the
sleeping children at his feet and then back at me. The
twisted smile from before was back. �You betrayed me.�
Betrayed? He looked upon my deciet as betrayal? It was
then that all hope of him understanding my situation,
of him having even a shred of compassion left in his
heart, vanished. Something had happened to him long
before I had entered his life, and it had driven him
insane with anger, guilt, despair - I knew not what.
I only knew it had, and he was no longer capable of
empathy or sympathy. He did not see that I was a
mother trying desperately to protect her children. He
only knew I had lied to him and forgiveness was not in
his vocabulary. Now, I would pay for what I had done.
�Please,� I started, my voice quaking. I knew what
effect the word had on him, but it hardly mattered
now. �Do what you want with me. Kill me...but Gods,
please don�t harm my children.� I pleaded, knowing
my attempts were likely futile. He had killed
children before and felt nothing. �I beg you.�
A dark shadow passed over Vader�s face.
�Kill you? Oh, no.� He said as he reached down and
grabbed me roughly by my arm. With a violent wrench
he pulled me to my feet. He used such force I thought
he might have broken a bone. But for all the pain, I
didn't cry out. I was past that point. He brought his
face close to mine, his eyes hard and furious. �We have
much to speak about, Si-Nia.�
***
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