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Love Sick Fred	By : zombierose3 Category: 1 through F > Drop Dead Fred Views: 1293 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Drop Dead Fred and am making no profit/money off of this.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Author's Note: Thought I'd add some humor. :D
**Disclaimer: Still just playing with Fred, and don't own him.

Chapter Five
As Natalie finished with her bath, Fred sat alone on her bedroom floor ripping the heads off Barbie dolls like some crazed otter shelling clams. Their tiny plastic bodies piled behind him, while he stuck their heads on the tops of pencils he'd found in a desk drawer. This was his brilliant plan to distract himself from a complete and utter panic until Natalie went to sleep and he could get back to work on figuring everything out.
Fred snatched up the one called Cindy and held her at eye level. "You die next!"
"No, no, no!" Fred's voice switched into his best impression of a scared little doll begging for mercy. "Please, Mister! I don't want to die! I have to go shopping and wear new shoes and prance around in lots and lots of pink things! Don't kill me!"
"Pink!" he exclaimed in his normal voice. "Yech! Green is better, you know! That's the dullest excuse I've ever heard. Well, say goodbye to your pink life!"
"No! Please, I have so much to live for!"
Fred scoffed. "Live for? Like what? What's so fancy schmancy about your life anyways?"
"Ken!" The doll sighed, romantically.
Fred twitched. "Ken? That girl?"
"Shut up, Carrot Top! He's not a girl!"
By now Fred had absolutely forgotten he had any control over Cindy. "Oh, puh-lease! How do you know? I've seen Nat Brat dress him. There's clearly an important piece missing, and I would know!"
Cindy giggled. "Oh, I know… We've done lots of pecking; we're a couple of pigeons!" The doll cooed.
Fred's jaw dropped. "Oh, gross! …That's disgusting!" He put extra emphasis on the last word.
"Is not! I know what I want! Do you?"
Fred blinked in amazement. "You're nothing but a plastic little tart, aren't you?"
Cindy didn't say anything, making Fred uncomfortable.
"What're you smirking about?" he asked.
"Nothing… It's just, that's what Mickey will do with your Lizzie, you know."
Fred's stomach filled with that sickening feeling again. He tried not to show it. "So, what do I care?"
The doll started making smooching noises, then moaned, "Oh, Mickey do me, do me!"
Fred's eyes bulged. "Oi, stop that! Dammit, now I'm fucking picturing it!"
The mental image of Fartpants going at it with Lizzie like some fluffed up cottontail on meth assaulted his senses. The bastard was grinning and Lizzie moaned and shouted his name like she couldn't get enough! Fred felt an enormous stab of jealousy shoot through him and he suddenly wanted to tear Fartpants apart. He couldn't look at this anymore!
In an act of desperation, Fred slapped himself hard across the face. The images stopped; however, he couldn't help noticing the lingering sting.
"Jealous, Fred?" Cindy asked.
Fred felt his face warm, and not because of the slap. "Of what, you tiny lunatic?"
"That he has her and you don't. Bet you wanna shag Lizzie yourself!"
Fred did a double take. "I…Who are you to…" Fred's face turned red and he couldn't think. "Piss off!"
"Fred loves Lizzie! Fred loves Lizzie!" The doll made more kissy sounds at him. "Drop Dead Fred wants to do it with Elizabeth Cronin!"
"No I don't!" he argued, voice cracking.
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Do soooooooo!"
"You better watch your step, blondie!"
The doll laughed, maniacally.
"That's it, bitch! You die now!" Fred bit down on the little blonde's head and tore it off, spitting it out onto Natalie's pillow of puppies and unicorns. He couldn't resist adding a mocking sneer at Cindy's head, but that's when reality caught back up with.
"What the fuck was that about?"
He glanced down at the headless doll in his hand and instantly dropped it as though it had a disease. Okay, that was bizarre, even for him…
Love? Pecking? Fred felt shaken. He wasn't completely daft. He knew that had all come from somewhere inside himself, but those things disgusted him. …Didn't they?
The memory of his lips against Lizzie's washed over him, making him shudder with want of more, and Fred was suddenly afraid to learn how much more. He abruptly shook his head.
"Since when have I become such a girl?" he muttered, searching around for something else to distract himself with. Something which couldn't "talk." The knots in his stomach seemed to be tying together now. "Stupid doll."
He plucked up a wiffle ball, but his hands were shaking so bad it leapt like a wet, scaly fish out his grasp.
"Oh sod it!" he shouted, kicking his feet. He groaned. All he could think about now was Lizzie.
Defeated, Fred pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face against them. What was he going to do? He'd tried all evening to pop himself away to his world for some answers, but without his powers he was trapped here. How in the hell could he help Lizzie without his magic?
That's when Fred had an idea.
His head shot back up as he glanced at the clock on Natalie's nightstand. Nearly eight thirty. Nat Brat would be in bed any minute. Then all he had to do was hurry her to sleep.
"Don't worry, Snotface, Ol' Fred's got a plan." He smiled. "I just hope it works…"

Natalie scurried down the hall to her room, eager to finally see Fred. He'd been on a secret mission all evening, but had pinky sworn he'd finally tell her about Lizzie after her bath. She was so anxious to know that she'd practically forgotten how mad she'd been at him earlier and was also excited to learn more about this game Fred wanted to play tomorrow called "hide daddy's pecking balloons." She wondered what pecking balloons even were.
Natalie swung open her bedroom door and skipped inside as it shut behind her. "Hey, Fred, guess wh—"
Natalie interrupted her own sentence with a scream, causing Fred to pop up from the foot of her bed.
"Oi, Nat Brat! What is it?"
Natalie rushed to her bed. "Cindy!"
"Uh oh." Fred cringed as he watched the little girl locking eyes with the Barbie head that stared up at her from the pillow. Her lip quivered, and Fred inwardly squirmed.
"Nat Brat, I can explain!"
She spun to face him, unfortunately taking notice to the row of pencils topped with Barbie heads and the small mound of doll bodies at Fred's feet. Her eyes grew wide, swelling with tears.
"I promise it's not what it seems!" Fred insisted, but Natalie's face was already changing color from anger.
"Why'd you do this?" she shouted.
Knowing he couldn't tell her the truth, Fred started spewing excuses out of his ass like a reflex.
"There was an uprising! All hell broke loose! They threatened to burn their bras! Cindy bit me! I caught Barbie rabies! They were gonna kidnap me and force you to eat broccoli until you pissed green and died all over the place! I was—"
"Fred, stop it! You're lying!" Her voice turned soft, "…My mom gave me them before she left. Cindy was my favorite." Natalie's eyes brimmed with more tears. "I thought you were my friend."
"I am your friend!" he argued, but inside he really didn't feel like it. He felt like the biggest ass in the world. He'd destroyed children's toys before, but only for the good of the child or for their entertainment. It had never been for his own selfish distractions.
He sat on Natalie's bed and reached for her hands. "Nat Brat, I'm—"
"No!" she shouted, pulling away. "You're a jerk, Fred, and I don't like you anymore! You've been acting all weird ever since Lizzie came over and you've forgotten all about me."
Fred felt like he'd been slapped in the face again.
Bloody hell, she was right. He hadn't been doing his job with her. He barely knew her; he didn't even know her favorite doll! He always knew the favorite toy! He was Natalie's friend now, not Lizzie's, and he had to act like it, or else she really would send him away and he'd fail all of them.
"You're right," he answered. "I'm the biggest bastard there ever was and I'm sorry." With big, apologetic eyes, he held out his hand. "Still friends?"
"No! I want you to go away!" Natalie crossed her arms and turned from him like he was being shunned, but Fred's intuition told him she didn't mean it, at least not yet.
Hurt, but knowing exactly how to handle this, Fred hopped to his feet. "Fine!" he retorted, marching to the window and pushing it open.
Natalie leapt after him like she'd sat on a taser.
"Where're you going?" she cried.
"I'm gonna jump. You said you wanted me to go, so I'm gonna end it." Fred turned to climb onto the windowsill, but was pulled back by Natalie's sudden death grip on his arm.
"No! Fred, don't go! I don't want you to die!"
"You don't?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He pretended to think about it for a moment, but turned back to the window. "No, I'm gonna jump."
"Fred!" Natalie screamed. "I didn't mean it! I want you to stay, you're my only friend."
Natalie was in tears again and it pulled at Fred's heart. He felt like an even bigger ass now, but this was the best way he knew to end a fight. He'd make it up to Natalie, he promised himself.
Fred crouched down to eye level with Natalie and embraced her. "I won't jump then," he whispered. "Don't cry."
"You'll stay?" She sniffled, pulling back. Fred's heart nearly broke at the sight of her quivering bottom lip.
"Promise." Fred gently bumped foreheads with her and smiled. He remembered fighting with Lizzie like this, but shook the memories away and instead offered his pinky for Natalie. This sparked a smile as she hooked hers with his.
"Sorry about your dolls, Nat Brat. I promise I'll glue back on all their heads."
Natalie lowered her eyes and walked to her bed. "It's alright, Fred," she whispered, picking up the head of Cindy and crawling into bed. "I know you'll fix them."
Fred roughly mussed up her hair.
"Hey!" Natalie giggled and jerked her head away. "You're so weird."
"And you smell," Fred said, bouncing back onto the bed. "So there." He lifted the sheets and gently tucked her in.
Natalie tilted her head at him. "Fred… how come you got so scared over Lizzie today?"
"What— I did not!" he cried, feigning insult and snatching Cindy's head from Natalie. He rolled it around in his palm a few times before finally tossing it over his shoulder. "I'm Drop Dead Fred, nothing scares me."
Natalie folded her arms and leaned back. "Yeah right! I bet that's why you turned into a big girl all over Lizzie."
"Girl?!" Fred leapt up to stand on the bed. "I'm sorry but this conversation is making me sick." He doubled over and retched loud, sticking his ass so high in the air he flipped from the bed and smacked onto the floor. Fred theatrically continued to roll about the room making sick noises and over exaggerated spasms.
Natalie had to laugh. "Oh yeah, then if you weren't scared, how come you were holding her hand?"
Fred stopped gagging and sat up. "Because."
"Because why?" she prodded.
"Because I was going to eat her!"
"But you called her Snotface."
"Because she's a Snotface!" His voice went up an octave as he said that.
Natalie bounced impatiently in her seat. "Fred, please tell me how you know Lizzie!" She attacked with the puppy dog eyes. Fred couldn't defeat the puppy dog eyes.
"Ah, hell," he muttered to himself. This was going to get him into even more trouble somehow. He was sure this had to be one of the reasons imaginary friends were made to forget their former friends.
"You're not gonna leave this alone, are you?"
Natalie folded her arms in wait.
Groaning, Fred plopped himself back onto the bed and took her by the hands. "Look, I was once her friend too, but I left. Okay? The end. Now go to sleep."
"Why'd you leave?"
Fred sighed, but composed himself. "Because I found someone even better," he said, smiling at her.
Natalie softly grinned back, but worry quickly overturned it. "Fred? What if you find someone better than me? You won't leave me one day, too, will you?"
"Never," he lied, lifting his pinky up to promise. "Not unless you get sick of me, but there's no one better than you, Nat Brat." He smiled and she hooked her finger with his.
"I'll never get sick of you, Fred," she added as they dropped their hands away. A small moment of silence passed before her next set of questions.
"Do you miss her?"
"No!" Fred answered, gruffly.
"Then why'd you leave me so you could stay with her today?"
"I told you. I was spying."
"Promise?" Her eyes were boring into him like drills.
"Promise."
"Okay." Natalie lowered her eyes and went quiet.
Fred brought his face closer to hers, drawing her gaze. "I'm sorry I left you alone," he said with sincerity in his voice. "I won't do it again, and I'm not gonna leave you like your wanker mother did, but I have a very sick friend I have to look out for, too. So… sometimes I might not be here right away, but I'll always be looking out for you, Nat Brat. Friends 'til the end."
Natalie's eyes reflected worry. "Are you talking about Lizzie?"
Fred nodded. "Yeah, I'm talking about Lizzie."
"Will she be okay?"
The question made Fred's stomach knot again, but he forced a reassuring smile. "I'm taking care of everything once you go to sleep." Fred felt Natalie relax after he said that, which was an enormous relief to him. He gently bumped her with his shoulder. "Now will you stop being such a girl about it?"
Natalie giggled. "But Fred, I am a girl!"
"Yeah, yeah." He smirked. "Hey! Want to know the truth about why I don't have any other friends?"
Natalie nodded.
Fred leaned in really close. "Because I ate all the others!"
Natalie snorted "No you didn't!"
"Oh yes I did!" His eyes grew wide with false excitement. "Wanna see?" He opened his mouth really wide to try to give her a good look into his stomach. Natalie laughed even harder, lifting Fred's spirits.
"I don't see anything."
"Oh, well that's because I pooed them all out!" Fred flung his arms for emphasis.
Natalie laughed again. "Gross! How'd you eat them?"
"I baked them into a pie!"
Natalie giggled. "A mud pie?"
"Oh yes! Where do you think I got the recipe to make it so great? I never did tell you my secret ingredient, did I?" His eyes shifted to a sly slant and Natalie's brow creased with worry.
"Fred? You wouldn't ever eat me, would you?" she asked.
"Well I did tell you my secret… so I might!" Fred smiled evilly and lunged at Natalie, tickling her without mercy. She squirmed and kicked, nearly getting him in the face a few times, but he kept at it, even as Fartpants entered the room.

Mickey watched in amazement as Natalie writhed about on her bed in hysterics. It was certainly a nice change from earlier, yet something about it also left him with an eerie sensation in the pit of his stomach. A familiar one.
"What're you doing, Natalie?" he asked, feigning a smile.
Fred stopped his fun and slid to the foot of the bed where he could glare at Fartpants.
Catching her breath, Natalie let out a few more exhausted laughs. "Nothing. Drop Dead Fred was just tickling me, Daddy."
"I see." Mickey glanced nervously at the bed. "Actually no, I don't see," he quickly rephrased. "Natalie, where did you come up with that name?" It was admittedly odd that she could know that name before ever meeting Lizzie.
"I didn't come up with it. He told it to me."
"Okay," he said, trying to think like a rational person. "But before you met Fred, did you ever hear it from any place? Maybe from Daddy talking on the phone or speaking about his childhood?"
Natalie shook her head. "No." The resolve on her face was unnerving, but her eyes suddenly sparked with excitement. "Hey! Did you know Drop Dead Fred then too when you were a kid?"
Mickey laughed. "Not personally, no." This was a little too weird. He again looked around the room. "Do you see him right now?" he asked her.
"Yep."
Mickey leaned close to Natalie and whispered, "Where is he?"
"Right there." Natalie pointed to the foot of the bed and Mickey got another sense of uneasiness.
"You have the biggest imagination," he said, staring at the empty space. Please let it be imagination.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Um, Fred says he's not sorry for the time he pantsed you and your trouser snake came out to wink at Mrs. Cronin before heading back inside for six more months of winter. Oh, and he also says he's not sorry that you're such a complete and utter girl." Natalie crinkled her nose at that last statement. "Fred, my daddy's not a girl." She giggled and turned back toward her father.
"Daddy, what's a trouser snake? Did you call it that because that's where you kept your pet? Why did it need to sleep so long?"
Mickey's embarrassment was so hot he may as well have been fire. He'd never wanted to die more than he did right now, not even when Mrs. Cronin had seen his…
"Oh my God…" was all he could say to this.
Fred was laughing so hard he rolled off the bed in stitches.
That was so worth it! Old Fartpants never saw it coming! he thought. He suddenly loved Nat Brat's incessant questioning. "Oh fuck, it hurts so much!" he shouted, rolling over and laughing even harder.
Natalie could only look from him to her father in complete confusion. Had she done something right, or wrong?
"Goodnight, Natalie." Mickey stepped forth and kissed her on the head. Not only was he embarrassed, he was officially freaked out. There was no way Natalie could have known that! What was Fred? An imaginary being couldn't have memories!
Mickey flipped off the light. "Love you," he called, before slipping from the room as though his pants had caught fire. Fred rolled into the bedpost, snickering like a lunatic.
"What's so damn funny!?" Natalie growled, but Fred just continued to writhe on the floor having his laughter seizure.
- 4
- 5
- 6
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Love Sick Fred