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When the Rum Runs Out	By : Ladykohl Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (All) > Het - Male/Female > Jack/Elizabeth Views: 8483 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Pirates of the Caribbean movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Part I
- 2-Part II
- 3-Part III
- 4-Part IV
- 5-Part V
- 4
- 5
Title: When the Rums Runs Out

Author: Kohl Lined Eyes

Rating: NC-17

Chapter Rating:NC-17

Warnings: M/F, angst, dark themes

Disclaimer: Indeed.

Summary: Post DMC, Captain Jack Sparrow returns to Port Royal, and not even rum can numb the pain. Nothing can help him forget...

Author�s Note: *Deep Breath* Well... here it is folks. The long awaited and (hopefully!) anticipated final chapter of �When the Rum Runs Out�. The response to this story has been amazing and I can�t tell you all how much I appreciate the feedback and support :-)
As I said in my A/N in the the first chapter, this story was originally meant to be a one shot... but the muses work in mysterious ways, and here we are with a five chapter story! I, for one, am very pleased with the way this has turned out. Fair warning to all, however: This chapter is very sad. I know that there will be some people who will be particularly unhappy with me at the end of this... but hopefully they will still appreciate the writing and the story (I will have more to say about that at the end of this chapter, so stay tuned!). Oh, and be sure to check out:
http://artsatalex.livejournal.com/
She's an amzing artist and has done some wonderful art for this story! Leave her some feedback!
Well, it�s been somewhat of an interesting ride writing this story, as I hope it has been for you reading it. I hope you all enjoy it *runs off and hides nervously in a corner*...

***
When the Rum Runs Out
Part V
�Beginning and ending shake hands.�
Proverb

�Tell me you love me, Jack...�
It was her voice... her voice whispering to him through the deepest darkness he had ever known. He couldn�t see her - he couldn�t see anything... but he could feel her. She was with him. He could feel her hands caressing his face - wiping away his tears. Her soft lips were everywhere. His mouth. His eyes. His cheeks. God, this was all he wanted. If he could just have this for the rest of his life, he would be a happy man - nigh, the happiest. What did he do to deserve her?
And with that thought - as if it had caused it... he could feel her pulling away.
�No!� He said urgently as he reached out in the darkness, trying to grasp at her. �Stay. Please stay...�
�Tell me you love me...� Her words echoed in his head as though she had whispered them in to his mind.
�I�ll do anything if you promise to stay with me.� He managed to whisper back in a harsh tortured voice.
�Tell me, Jack...�
Jack continued to fumble around in the darkness - his arms outstretched. If he could just feel her again, if he could just hold her to him... he would tell her anything. Everything. He would never let her go again. If he could just find her through the darkness, he knew she would finally be his. They would be together...
To his horror, he felt nothing. She was gone.
***
Jack opened his eyes slowly as the last bit of the familiar nightmare faded away - the pain in his jaw registering before his surroundings did. After a few moments, Jack sat up against the wooden door that he�d been laid next to as the small candlelit space came in to view. It had been, what, three... four years since he�d been here? Nothing much had changed, really. It appeared to be a bit cleaner, though that could have been due to the fact that it was considerably darker than the last time he�d seen the place. Dirt had a tendency to hide in the dark.
�Sorry.� A quiet voice said. Jack�s eyes searched the room slowly before they came to rest on a hunched form in one of the corners. It was Will sitting in the flickering darkness with his head against the wall. �Instinct.�
Jack rubbed his jaw in his hand.
�I�ve had worse.� He said, then took his hand down. �I�ve done worse.�
�Yes.� Will responded - though there was no bitter accusation to his tone as may have been expected. �You have.�
�I suppose it�s my turn to be sorry, then.�
A pause.
�And are you, Jack?� Will asked. �Sorry?�
Jack narrowed his eyes a bit at the question.
�I�ve got a choice between �yes� or �no� here and neither answer seems too appealing to me... so I think I shall opt, instead, out of answering your inquiry completely.� Though the statement may have seemed to be in Jack�s characteristic misdirecting way... it was, in this instance, just the truth. He couldn�t say yes, because he wasn�t really sorry. The truth was, if he had a chance to do it all over, he probably still would have come for Elizabeth that day four months before. He also couldn�t say no, because he wasn�t really not sorry either. He did regret taking this man�s wife away from him. He�d known the pain of losing someone; of a broken heart. He�d done some bad things in his forty-two years... but this ranked among his worst.
He just couldn�t answer.
�I see.� Was Will�s near whisper of a response. �And where is Elizabeth?�
The question should have surprised Jack whom still was not completely sure that Will had ever known Elizabeth was with him. Except, well, the way Will had greeted him had been a bit of a tip off. Sure, Jack had his fair share of people who liked to hit him every time they met... but he had never known Will to be one of them. Well, now he knew for sure that Will knew where Elizabeth had been all this time. At least that part was out of the way, then. No wasted time on a confession.
�Somewhere other than here.� Was all Jack could manage to say - not bothering to pretend he didn�t know what Will was talking about.
There was silence for a few long moments - so many unanswered questions hanging heavy in the room, weighing down the air.
�Was she happy with you?� Will finally asked.
Jack sighed. He had not been expecting that. Really, he had not been expecting anything... so he was equally as surprised as he was not surprised that Will would decide to ask him this question.
�I don�t think it had anything to do with me or you, mate.� He answered honestly.
�Then what did it have to do with?�
Jack nearly laughed... it all came back to this, didn�t it?
�Freedom.� He answered.
�Freedom...� Will said with a hint of a laugh, and this time he did sound bitter. �Freedom from a life of privilege and comfort. Freedom from her husband...� He paused, looking down. �From me.�
�I think you missed the point of the �nothing to do with me or you� statement.�
�Forgive me if I am unable to see how my wife leaving me has nothing to do with me.�
�You�re forgiven.� Jack said with a flick of his wrist. Will said nothing. �Look, mate... she didn�t leave you any more than she came with me.� He shook his head. �What she did, she did for her. I�m not going to pretend to understand why because then I would have to explain why... which wouldn�t make much sense for me to do if I don�t understand what I�m explaining, now would it?�
�I don�t want to know why she left. I know why she left.� Will said - having found nothing about Jack�s words amusing or placating. �What I want to know is why you really came here. I want to know why you took her from me.�
Jack tilted his head just a bit.
�I wanted...� He trailed off, afraid to tell the truth. He didn�t know why, at this point and after all that had happened, he was still afraid to admit what he felt. �I wanted to know what it was like.�
�What what was like?�
Jack took a deep breath. There was no point in denying any of it... there was no point in pretending. He�d realized this already - many times over.
�... Seeing the face of the woman I loved everyday.� He admitted quietly. He may not have seen the way Will�s eyes squeezed closed - but he could guess that this was not welcomed news for the boy. He continued anyway. �Waking up in the morning, or in the middle of the night, knowing she was there. Knowing I had only to walk a few paces in one direction or the other if I wanted to find myself in her company.� He sighed. �You may not like hearing it, but that�s the truth of it. I didn�t know that�s why I came when I came, but I know now. I�d never had that before - and it was worth everything.�
Will sneered just slightly.
�Even tearing a marriage apart?�
�As I said, mate...� Jack started gravely and without hesitation - a grim smile upon his face. �Everything.�

TWO MONTHS BEFORE
He�d seen this much blood before... but he�d never been so completely and utterly terrified by it.
�Elizabeth!� Jack cried out in a voice he barely recognized as his own as he flew to Elizabeth�s side and pulled her in to his lap. She stared up at him through eyes glazed over with pain. Fear gripped at his heart and soul - the very real possibility that she could die looking up at him that way nearly sent him in to a fit of tears. Gibbs was with them the next moment and Jack struggled to keep his mind clear. �Lift her up, man!�
The older man hurriedly obeyed his captain�s orders and went to lift Elizabeth�s legs as Jack lifted her from under her arms.
�Dear, God...� Gibbs muttered at the sight of blood spreading over Elizabeth�s white shirt. Jack seemed to be refusing to look as the two of them hoisted the bleeding woman out of the brig and up the narrow steps - grunting and hauling their way to Jack�s cabin. Elizabeth may have been a slim woman, but dead weight was a force to be reckoned with.
�Lay her on the bed!� Jack ordered as the two men burst in through his cabin door. They laid Elizabeth�s unconscious form over the hard mattress - a flash of her naked and smiling on that same mattress running through Jack�s mind causing an unexpected wave of pain and regret.
�What�ll you have me do now, Cap�n?� Gibbs asked urgently.
�Fetch the surgeon!� Jack said as he tore Elizabeth�s shirt down the middle. He pulled her bodice apart to reveal the wound above his Lizzie�s left breast. The dark crimson of her blood a stark and horrible contrast to her pale skin. He pulled the torn material of her shirt and bodice down her arms and away from her body.
�Jack, the surgeon will do no good. It�s a doctor the lass�ll be needin�.... and we�re still a month and a half away from port at the very least.�
Jack pulled his shirt over his head and wasted no time tearing it apart to form a strip. Gibbs understood immediately what he was doing and lifted Elizabeth�s torso so that Jack could wrap the strip underneath her body and tie it tight over her chest.
Jack swallowed and stood back just a little - his bloodied fists clenched at his sides as he stared down at the only woman he had ever loved. Her chest rose and fell so slowly that it seemed each breath would be her last.
�The blade didn�t pierce her heart.� Gibbs said quietly. �She�d have been dead by now.�
These words did nothing to alleviate the terrible sinking in Jack�s chest and stomach. Even if she did not die right away... she had so many obstacles ahead of her. Fever. Infection. Sickness. So many things that were going to try to see to it that Elizabeth never made it back home.
Jack�s eyes narrowed in to dark black slits against his tanned face as he turned slowly toward the open door to his cabin that led out on to the deck. White hot anger flared from deep inside his soul - and he could think of nothing else but revenge... Wiping the blood from his hands on to his breeches, he stalked purposefully out of the room and on to the darkness shrouded deck of the Pearl. The cold air attacked his bare skin but he barely felt it at all...
�Get away from him.� Jack said loudly to the crewmen who had assembled around Mr. Reed - his voice as deadly as any of them had ever heard it. The men moved away from the boy who remained crying and in pain in front of the mast. Jack approached him slowly, pulling his pistol from his belt.
�You have no idea what kind of torment awaits you on the other side...� Jack said harshly as he stared down at Mr. Reed with hate in his eyes. He�d never hated another human being with such definitive resolve. He�d never looked upon a fallen and dying man with vindictive need rushing through his veins - but now he did. He didn�t care that it made him like Cutler Beckett or anyone else. He didn�t care about anything but the hurt and unconscious woman what lay in his bed. He kneeled carefully - taking the boy by the hair and staring him in the eyes. �But I do. I�ve seen it. You are going to die in pain... and then spend the rest of eternity in it. But if Elizabeth dies for your sins, me boy - just know that Jack Sparrow�ll be coming in after you... regardless of where you end up.�
Jack threw the boy�s head away from him, stood up and cocked his pistol as he pointed it at Mr. Reed�s face - a face that was full of pain and fear.
Gibbs flinched only slightly from inside the captain�s cabin as the second gunshot of the night disturbed the silence.
TWO WEEKS LATER
Jack, sitting beside Elizabeth, took the bloody cloth from the water filled clay bowl on the bed next him and wrung it out. He had to keep the wound clean else infection would set in. He�d seen it many times - too many times - before. After he ran the cold cloth over her marred chest - he placed it back in to the bowl. Wringing it out again, this time he ran the cloth over her pale sweat clammy forehead. She was sick... and during the few times she was awake she was never very lucid, but at least he had been able to get her to drink something. Food was another concern all together that was rapidly topping the list of things that required immediate worry and attention.
Jack�s hand stilled suddenly over Elizabeth�s face as she mumbled something. He waited for a long moment - waited and hoped - for a sign that she was coming back to him. After a while it was obvious that she was not waking up and he continued to run the cloth down her temples and cheeks. He�d been there at her side for nearly the entire time she had been unconscious... and had been running the cool water soaked rag across her face and body for nearly two hours now - changing the water every so often. She had fever. It was important to keep her as cool as possible and make sure she didn�t sweat too much.
He had to take care of her.
Jack sighed and set the rag and the bowl on the floor, placing the back of his hand against Elizabeth�s forehead. She didn�t seem as warm as she had before... at least that was something. She still looked like death, of course. Thinner than he had ever seen her. White as a ghost aside from her fever flushed cheeks. Dirty, sweat streaked hair... Jack had to wonder how she could still seem so beautiful to him. It did not seem possible that she should, yet there she lay in all her deathly glory as beautiful as ever. Not attractive, really... just beautiful.
Because he wasn�t seeing her body or her face anymore... he was just seeing her.
It was at that moment that Jack realized he could not live without this woman. He didn�t care where she was or who she was with, as long as she was alive. That was all that mattered. Forget his pain, forget his guilt, forget his mistakes. Forget everything but seeing to it that Elizabeth led the happiest life she could. If she-- no. When she was healthy again, when they made it back to land, he would give her the option of staying with him. This wasn�t about him or Will - what was right or what was wrong - anymore. It was just about her. If she wanted to stay with him, he would let her. And he would make sure she knew she was loved every day of her life...
There would never be any possibility for marriage but what did rings and a ceremony really say? As far as he was concerned they were just trifles - outward symbols and asking for God�s permission. First off, he didn�t think he would ever be so inclined as to brand Lizzie with any kind of outward symbol to prove that she was his... and second, God would have no say in any of this. If she�d have him, he�d show her that a woman didn�t need a ring to know what true love really was.
Once she was healthy again, he would offer her this. The only kind of proposal he could offer her. Yes... when she was healthy again...
***
The candles had been blown out and the fire had died... but the room was bright - bathed in misty white moonlight. Jack let out a moan deep from within his throat, tears slipping effortlessly from his eyes, as he thrust himself in to the beautiful creature beneath him. Elizabeth�s soft hands raked gently up and down his back as she pushed up with each slow stroke of his body. Her moans of pleasure were like notes of perfect music to his ears... and he was the composer. He knew just when and where to push. He knew where to touch her... when to tease her. He knew her body so well, but had no idea why...
Elizabeth�s hands wiped the tears from his face then tangled themselves in his hair as she wrapped her legs around him - pulling him deeper inside of her. Jack groaned loudly and lowered his face in to the crook of her neck, tasting the skin he found there.
�Tell me you love me.� She whispered desperately in to his ear - her breath warm against his skin. Why? Why was she so warm and lovely? Wasn�t there supposed to be something wrong with her?
Yes, something was wrong with her. Something...
�You know I do.� He whispered back - his breathing ragged as his hips rocked at a wonderfully tortuous pace. Elizabeth gently pushed him up so that he was leaning over her on his forearms. She bit at her lower lip as her eyes nearly rolled back in her head from the pleasure. Jack smiled slightly and pushed himself hard in to the center of her. A scream tore from her lips, and her lust darkened eyes met his.
He nearly came completely undone.
�Say it.� She demanded hoarsely. �Say the words. Tell me you love me.�
Jack�s hips began rocking a bit faster, and Elizabeth�s body followed. He looked down at her. Her beautiful cream colored skin was flushed, her hair was wildly tossed about on the pillow underneath her head... her lips were dark pink and swollen from his kiss. And her breasts. Her wonderful, soft, beautiful, perfect breasts. God, he wanted her - wanted her so badly even now as he was having her...
This wasn�t right. Something was out of place. Elizabeth could not stay here with him. He knew it. For some reason, she was not even really here...
�Don�t leave me.� He said suddenly, flipping the two of them over so that Elizabeth was on top of him. His arms wrapped tightly about her back protectively - holding her naked form to his. Jack grunted as Elizabeth continued to move over him.
�God, Elizabeth... stay. Just stay here with me.� He pleaded.
Elizabeth sat up - her eyes closed as she moved slowly up and down over Jack. His hands slid up her stomach to her breasts, then down to clutch her hips as she steadied herself with one hand on his chest.
�I love you so much.� The words spilled from his mouth in a near sob. His eyes locked on to hers as they opened suddenly - wide and full of surprise. And pain.
Why pain?
�Elizabeth?� He asked - concern and fear lacing his words. Her eyes slowly looked down to her chest, and his followed.
A slow trickle of blood began above her breast and then flowed over her chest and stomach. Her frightened and confused gaze looked upon Jack�s horror-filled face. One word escaped her lips as though on her last breath before she fell forward...
�... Jack?�
***
�Elizabeth!� Jack called out as his head shot up from his writing table - his heart pounding unbearably fast. He took a few deep breaths as he looked around the dim fire lit room - reacclimatizing himself to the world of the waking. He stood suddenly and made his way over to the bed where Elizabeth still lay. He sat gently next to her on the mattress.
�Still among the living, love.� He said nearly in a whisper as he took her hand in his.
�Me...� She whispered - her voice strained, surprising him a bit as she opened her eyes half way. �Or you?�
Jack swallowed again as he looked down at her, and then laughed a short almost indiscernible laugh... relief washing over him in cold, soothing waves. She was awake. She sounded horrible, but she was awake and looking at him with eyes that were not clouded with confusion or fever.
�Wish I knew.� He responded - raising her hand to his lips and kissing it gently before pressing her palm to his face, and then because he just couldn�t help himself from asking: �Why did you let the animal out of it�s cage?�
�He�s not an animal.� Elizabeth responded as she caressed Jack with the hand he held to him. Jack felt only the briefest stab of guilt for what he had done - Elizabeth had said �he�s not�... she thought Reed was still alive. �He�s just a frightened boy. We�d spoken for a little while... he told me about his family. He has a wife.� She smiled a small ghost of a smile at that - and then it faded away just as quickly as it had appeared. �I couldn�t let him sit alone in the brig any longer. I felt so sorry for him.�
Jack clenched his jaw. How dare that wretch inspire anything but the deepest loathing from her? He did not deserve her sympathy. He did not deserve anything other than what he got.
�And then the bastard repaid you by carving a little forget me not in to your breast.� He growled in a low voice. Elizabeth attempted a deep breath.
�You think I�m going to die...�
Jack sighed, and kissed Elizabeth�s palm.
�I think you probably shouldn�t be speaking when there�s a hole in your chest, love.�
�But you think--�
�No.� Jack interrupted firmly. �If you die, I die... being as such, I�ve got some stake in keeping you alive.�
Elizabeth said nothing in response. It was the closest he�d come to verbally admitting his feelings toward her since the day he�d come and taken her away - and he knew it.
�We�re going to board the next naval ship we see...� Jack continued before Elizabeth could think of something to say - or before she could demand of him the same thing she seemed to always demand of him whether he was asleep or awake. �They�ll have a proper doctor amongst the crew and--�
�The navy?� Elizabeth interrupted - her eyes widening just a bit. �You intend to just sail up to a ship full of naval officers with a ship full of pirates and ask to borrow their doctor? It�s suicide, Jack!�
�I�m detecting a discernible lack of faith...�
�They�ll kill you.�
�Maybe.�
�Assuredly.�
A long pause.
�Then so be it.� He said, understanding completely what he was saying - that he was willing to give his life up for hers. �I�ve died for you before - wasn�t so bad.�
�Jack--�
�We can only do so much for you here, pet. If there�s help to be had anywhere on this sea, it�ll be had.�
A tear slipped down the side of Elizabeth�s face. Jack wished that he could take all her pain away from her. All her sadness. All her sorrow. She was the first person who had ever really inspired complete selflessness in him... which was quite disturbing, really.
�I wont let you.� She said - her eyes closing.
�Is this the part where I tell you to try and stop me?�
�Please...� She said with just a slight shake of her head. �You can�t put the whole crew in danger just to try and save me.� She paused. �You�ve already gotten what you wanted from me anyway.�
Jack grimaced - her words hitting him like a bucket of cold water over the head.
�Yes, and then I got you stabbed - so it seems to me that scales have tipped back in your favor.� He responded - ignoring what she had said. He wasn�t going to insult her by even attempting to apologize, because he knew she�d forgive him for it. He didn�t deserve to be forgiven for what he�d said to her... it had been one of the meanest things he�d ever spoken to a person, and it could have been his last words spoken to her. No, he wouldn�t say he was sorry. Sorry just wasn�t enough.
�I make my own decisions... I got myself stabbed.� She said simply - quietly. �You bring the navy in to this and we all die.�
�Everyone dies eventually.�
�No.� She interrupted, opening her eyes once again. �I�ll be dead within two months time even if this doesn�t kill me.� She paused. Jack creased his forehead in confusion - not liking what she had just said. �Jack... I�m ill.�
Jack shook his head slowly, still not quite understanding.
�Shall I remind you again that you were stabbed in the chest?�
She shook her head, and Jack got the horrible feeling that he had been left in the dark about something...
�I was ill before that...� She said. �... Why do you think I came with you, Jack?�
And suddenly, Gibbs� words from nearly three months before echoed in his mind...
There�s more reason to it than you think. A woman�s always got �er reasons...
�The doctors... they didn�t know what was wrong with me.� She continued before Jack could speak - her already hoarse voice being stretched even further by sorrow. �They told me just the night before you came. They told me... that I was dying. Some illness that I must have contracted before... on the sea. On one of the islands. They don�t know. Nobody knows.�
Jack couldn�t believe what he was hearing. He refused to. She�d been so strong the past two weeks... strong enough to really give him reason to think that she would be all right. That she would live through this. If what she was saying was true... Oh, God. It couldn�t have been true.
�Why...� He started angrily, then stood up. �Why didn�t you tell me before?�
�Would you have still let me come with you?�
�Since �yes� is the answer that�ll be givin� me more sway in the argument, that�s the one I�ll be giving you... But I suppose we can never really know, can we? Since you never allowed me the chance.�
�You offered me freedom, and I had to take it!� She exclaimed - and winced in pain for her trouble. Jack had to hold himself back for picking her up and holding her to him. �When the fevers started, they would have cut me open... they�d have wrapped me in scalding hot towels. They�d have done everything but what you have done for me. You allowed me to live as though nothing was wrong at all.�
�And perhaps nothing is wrong at all...� Jack said as he began to pace pack and forth at her bedside. �You seemed perfectly healthy to me before the incident with Mr. Reed. Dying women don�t look the way you do.� He stopped pacing, and looked her over. �Did.� He corrected himself.
�I�ve hidden it from you.� She said sadly, knowing she would not need to explain. She�d hidden it from him. She was so pale... even after months of being on the sea and under the sun. She remained so Goddamn pale. She�d worn a bonnet or a hat every moment so that he wouldn�t think it strange. So that he wouldn�t catch on. God only knew what other clever tricks she had concocted to conceal her illness. �But I am dying... and I�ll not have you risk all these lives just to prolong mine for little more than a month. I came aboard this ship with you of my own free will and if this is how I was meant to die... then this is how I shall die.�
�These doctors... they were just men. Men can be wrong... Men are, in fact, wrong most of the--�
�I�ve accepted it, Jack.� She interrupted him gently - weakly. �Please, do the same... or it will only be harder for you.�
Jack covered his face with both his hands. He felt like screaming... he felt like hitting something. He felt like jumping off the deck of ship and allowing the sea to finally claim him once and for all. He�d been deceived many times before and he�d deceived just as much... but never had it been anything like this. Never had it hurt so horribly bad. All at once his dreams of living out the rest of his life with Elizabeth at his side - loving her, protecting her, being together as man and wife, perhaps not in the eyes of God or the king... but in his eyes - it was all shattering around him. He had been a fool to hope - to dream - about such things. He had been a fool.
�Please don�t be angry with me...� Her soft voice broke through his thoughts. He took his hands down and looked at her wanting not to be angry for her, but quite unable to control his emotions.
�I�m trying my very best.�
�I couldn�t bring myself to tell you.� She said through a voice thick with tears. �Everyone had been treating me like a fragile work of art or a china tea cup. Don�t you see? I couldn�t bare it if you treated me that way as well. The way you look at me... the way you speak to me... I couldn�t give it up. I didn�t want to spend the rest of my life in constant reminder that I was dying.�
�So I was wrong then.� Jack said. �I�d thought you just wanted one last adventure, but what you really wanted was...� He paused, his forehead furrowing. �No, actually... I was right.�
�I didn�t want to die that way--�
�And what way was that?� Jack nearly yelled. Had Elizabeth not been so weak, she may have jumped. �Comfortably? Peacefully? You mean to tell me that this--� He gestured angrily at her. �That this is any better than that? You can be in Port Royal or on the dark side of the moon, love, and the dying part of dying will still be dying. It�s never pretty and it�s never easy.�
Elizabeth said nothing - merely turned her head away from Jack as she let her tears roll down her face in silence.
Jack, for once, had no words. None at all. His seemingly endless vocabulary - consisting in small part of words he had made up - and supply of wit had finally run dry. There was nothing to describe his anger or his hurt. Nothing to describe what it felt like to actually have had the world pulled out from underneath his feet. Nothing to describe what it felt like knowing he had lost Elizabeth even though she was right in front of him.
There was nothing more for Jack to do but turn and leave the room... but as he was leaving, something very peculiar happened.
�I love you.� The words were so soft and quiet that he knew they could have been his imagination... but they weren�t. She had spoken them... and it nearly killed him. There it was - the ripping of his soul and heart in half. He knew for as long as he lived that nothing would be able to put those shattered pieces back together again... because those words from her lips was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard and should have signified the happiest moment of his life. What they signified instead, however, was that Elizabeth was no longer trying to fight. She had given up... she never would have admitted she loved him otherwise. Not for anything.
�Liar.� He whispered back in a strained voice, not even turning to face her. He wanted to believe she was lying. If she was lying, he didn�t have to be faced with what he was losing.

Because he was losing everything.
�Tell me you love me, Jack.� Elizabeth responded, ignoring what he had called her - knowing that he did not really think her a liar. �Please... just say the words, even if you don�t mean them. I�m... I�m frightened. I just want to believe that I�m with someone who loves me... then I know I wont be so afraid.�
Jack swallowed the lump in his throat, and shook his head slightly.
�I can�t.� He said, cursing himself for a coward - his own words coming back to haunt him...
The only rules that matter are these: What a man can do and what a man can�t do...
He could admit to himself that he loved her more than anything... but he couldn�t admit it to her. He couldn�t say the words. He couldn�t give himself up that way - not when she was so hopelessly lost to him.
�I can�t say it.� He added quietly.
Elizabeth inhaled deeply.
�Tell me you love me, Jack.� And all the desperation in the world was in the plea. Jack shook his head again, still not turning to face her - hating himself for really the first time in his life.
�You know I wont.� He said firmly, and then left Elizabeth alone in the room... his heart breaking for her. For him.
For them.
***

Jack stumbled back in to his dark cabin having drowned his pain quite effectively in a very large and very round bottle of rum. He hadn�t been drinking much of the stuff (well as much of the stuff, anyway) since Elizabeth had come aboard the ship. He had found that he rather liked being a bit more clear of mind when she was around.
But now. Oh, now... just about one of the last things he wanted was to be clear of mind. In fact, he rather thought he�d be content to just pass out on the deck waking up only to drink the proper amount of rum that would make him pass right out again.
�I�ve decided that this is all your fault, love...� He said loudly as he drunkenly made his way to his writing table where a map and a divider lay. �And in no way mine.� He sat heavily upon his wooden chair and took a deep swig from the bottle in his hand. �You see... it was you, not me, who fell in to the water that day at Port Royal which prompted honest and good hearted me, not you, to go in after... you. If it had not been for your selfish lack of foresight in the matter... we may never have met.�
Elizabeth said nothing in response. Really, Jack wondered, what could she have said? He had just enough presence of mind to know that blaming everything on her was absurd... which, of course, prompted Jack to take another swig from his bottle. Having anything in the way of presence of mind just wouldn�t do.
�So...� He continued as he lifted himself out of the chair and staggered slowly over to Elizabeth. �Seems to me I�m owed an apology seeing as how you set in to motion the series of events - some of them quite disagreeable and not at all pleasant - which have led you and me, the both of us, to this unfortunate state of affairs.�
He stared down at her - her eyes staring blankly up at him.
�So?� He grunted. �Let�s have it, Miss Swann. An apology, if you would be so obli...� He creased his forehead, trailing off in to silence - a cold weight settling in his chest. There was something wrong with the way she just stared up at him. Something very wrong. �Elizabeth?� Jack asked very quietly as though he were afraid of the word.
No response.
�Lizzie... answer me, damn you.� He growled harshly as he threw the bottle of rum against the wall opposite him. She did not even flinch.
Somewhere from the depths of his rum fogged mind, a dark and abysmal thought emerged with a sobering realization.
She was gone. Elizabeth... Lizzie... she was gone.
All too suddenly a torrent of emotion raged war against his consciousness. Sorrow, anguish, hatred, Anger. God, he was so angry. Why? Why had he left her here alone? Alone and frightened? He could have been at her side, holding her hand, kissing away her tears! Why hadn�t he been here to hold her hand and tell her not to be frightened... to tell her that a woman like her had no need to fear what came next?
Why hadn�t she held on just a bit longer?
Jack clenched his fists at his side and bit down on his teeth.
�You coward. You could have fought this!� He ground out - meeting her lifeless eyes. The same beautiful eyes that had always had such fire in them... the same beautiful eyes that he could have lost himself in so many times before. She seemed to be staring in to him now, through him... in to his soul. He turned away and covered his face in his hands for a moment. What was he doing. Cursing the dead? He was not there when she went... and it was no one�s fault but his own.
With a shaking deep breath, Jack sat on the bed and laid next to Elizabeth.
�I should have been here.� He whispered to her as he covered her eyes with his fingers - shutting them for the last time before pulling her to him. He almost expected to feel her wrap her arms about his body... or perhaps he only wished that she would. And that was when, for some reason, any control he had on himself gave way and he collapsed in to a storm of tears and sobs.
Being that Jack was usually one to see the silver lining in any bad situation - or at least a way out of it... he had cried very very few times in his life. It seemed that now he was making up for lost time.
�I love you.� He managed to get out - finally purging himself of the words that had been killing him for... he wasn�t even sure how long. All he knew was that it was too late now. �I love you...�
ONE MONTH LATER
There was something to be said about pain so bad it could make a pirate wish he were dead.
The worst kind of pain was not flesh meeting with a hot branding iron... not even when the iron was in the shape of a P which would mold a young man�s life in to something quite different than it might have been. The worst kind of pain was not the chafing of rough and unforgiving rope as it clung to a person�s neck as it prepared to snuff out that life forever. The worst kind of pain was not even being swallowed whole and alive knowing that it was all your own doing. The burning, the aching, the dying... it was nothing compared to what real pain was...
No. The worst kind of pain, Jack Sparrow realized, was waking up from a rum induced coma only to realize that the things that haunted him in his nightmares were real.
And the rum was gone.
�Why is the rum always gone?� Jack muttered as he threw his feet heavily over the side of his bed in the middle of his cabin aboard the Pearl, and sat up. Flashes of her ran through his mind, and he buried his face in his hands.
Oh, yes,he thought. That�s why.
He imagined her smile... sometimes irritated, sometimes mocking, sometimes sincere, but always - always - beautiful. The first thing he had seen once having been brought back from his sandy hell... was her face. She smiled at him hesitantly - fear in her honey colored eyes. He knew she was afraid that he would be angry with her. She�d chained him to the mainmast of his own ship and had condemned him to death, after all. Not to mention the fact that she had only managed to do so by way of fantastic trickery.
A kiss.
Captain Jack Sparrow - the scourge of the seven seas, fiercest pirate ever to sail the Caribbean, the man who sacked Nassau without firing a single shot... In the end, had been done in by a kiss.
So, yes. He had been a bit... unhappy with her. He had gone so far as to trade her soul for his ship and freedom when the opportunity had presented itself. It was only fair, really. She�d sacrificed him to save herself, no one could have expected that he wouldn�t do the same - only in reverse, as it were. A good man, maybe... but a pirate first. He had no qualms with doing the right thing when it suited him, but doing the right thing when it decidedly did not suit him was much harder. So, when he made up his mind to un trade Elizabeth for the thing he loved most in this world - namely himself - he knew that his feelings toward the girl had become dangerous...
After all the fighting, after so many of his crew were lost, after he�d won back his freedom and his ship the right way but at such great cost... he left Elizabeth and her whelp fianc� at Port Royal and sailed away. He never looked back.
Literally anyway. Figuratively speaking, he never really looked away to begin with... because Jack had realized something over the months he spent in Elizabeth�s company. She was the only woman he had ever met whom had ever really been able to do what needed to be done regardless of how it hurt her to do it. She was the only woman who had ever bested him - who had ever equaled him... who had ever killed him. She had pirate in her... true pirate. And it wasn�t just because circumstances drove her to it. She had been born unto a life of privilege, and so piracy would have been quite unnecessary. No... she was a true pirate because she yearned for the sea, for adventure, and for freedom. That was all a pirate really was. Someone who could not be tied down to something as unchanging as the land and as restricting as a life within the boundaries society had set for them.
He recognized these things in her, and he loved her for it. Loved her with all his heart because she represented everything about life that made it worth living. Everything about being a pirate that made it worth being an outcast for.
She�d been the only person he had ever loved. There was no use in denying that now. Not even to himself...
Jack stood and staggered post drunkenly over to the window that overlooked the moon bathed sea - Port Royal just a ways off in the distance. He could not remember much of the past few days as he had kept himself drunk for most of it, but he did remember one thing. One thing he could never forget even if he drank himself in to oblivion... The reason that he was returning to this place that he had come to only four months before...
NOW
�She�s dead...� Will started with a choked voice. �Isn�t she?�
Jack ground his teeth together, ignoring the sting behind his eyes.
�Yeah, mate.� He responded heavily. �She�s dead.�
Will nodded to himself and looked down at his hands.
�I thought when the news came, if it ever did come....� He started and it was quite obvious that he had begun to cry. �That it wouldn�t hurt so bad. I lost her four months ago, you see.� He shook his head. �But there�s a different between someone being away, and someone being gone, isn�t there?�
�One of the grand ironies of life.�
�Was she happy? I need to know, Jack.�
Jack leaned forehead and thought for a long few moments about the question. Had she been happy? ... Had she?
�Yes.� He said finally. �She missed you... but she was happy not to live every day as though they were just a prelude to her death.� He paused. �She got to kiss the sunrise. She got... to touch the sky. She was free, William, you see?�
Silence.
More silence.
�I suppose I should be challenging you to a duel or some proper thing like that.� Will said after a long time. �The only reason I am not currently engaged in a battle to the death with you at the moment is because I can understand why she left. I shall never be happy that you robbed me of our last months together - but it was her wish... so I cannot - I will not - be angry. You see, Jack... what I had - what Elizabeth and I had - you can never take away from me. No one can. I had a loving marriage with her. For two wonderful months I went to sleep smiling with her face smiling back at me. I woke up with her arms wrapped around my body. I took care of her - and she me.�
�Lucky man.� Jack said in a low voice.
�Extraordinarily lucky.� He paused. �The both of us.�
Jack laughed shortly.
�Yes.� He said. �The both of us.�
The two men, having nothing in common but the woman they had loved and the gratitude they felt for having had the chance to love her, sat silently together as night faded slowly in to morning.
***
Mr. Gibbs helped Jack up on to the Pearl just as the morning sun was beginning to shine on to the deck.
�Did you find him?� He asked, handing Jack his hat. Jack took it and looked it over - a suggestion of a smile upon his lips.
�Ready the ship to make way, Mr. Gibbs.� He said as he placed the hat over his head.
�Do we have a heading?�
�Aye.� Jack said as he moved gracefully over to the helm, Gibbs in tow. �Up river.� He finished simply.
Gibbs gave Jack a knowing look.
�Up river it is, then.� He said before clapping Jack briefly on the back. �Good to have you back, Cap�n.� Gibbs left Jack alone at the helm, barking orders at the crew to ready the ship to set sail.
Jack ran his hand over the wheel as the wind blew his dark and beaded hair back from his face and looked toward the horizon which held nothing but hope and promise for him. He�d reached for it his whole life knowing it was the most impossible treasure he�d ever set his eyes on; that it was unattainable... but some things were worth chasing after even if there was no hoping of catching it. Worth reaching for, worth searching for... worth dying for. So he�d continue to chase, continue to reach for that which was always just beyond his grasp.
The horizon. Immortality. Elizabeth.
Never got the chance to tell you I love you, Lizzie...
�Hold on, love.� Jack said to himself as ran his fingers across the bit of cloth around his wrist. �I�m coming for you.�
A smile spread slowly over the pirate's face. Yes, he would always continue to chase after what was most difficult to achieve - forever if he had to.
After all... He was Captain Jack Sparrow.
The End... of the beginning
***
Author�s Note: Wow... that was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever written. I truly hope that you all don�t hate me for what I�ve done - but the whole story was planned out in my head well before I started writing. Elizabeth was always going to die. It was a very hard scene to write because we�ve never really seen Jack display the kind of emotion I was going for here. I hope it came off as genuine and not awkward... and I hope no one�s disappointed with the ending!
A note on Lizzie�s illness: I kept it vague, because I didn�t really want to put a name to it. I�d researched illnesses in the 1700�s and came across a few that would show symptoms and then disappear completely for a while before coming back in full force. I thought this made sense in this situation. Lizzie was sick the whole time while onboard the Pearl but was able to hide it because the illness was at a dormant stage. Other than that... anything that didn�t make sense, I ask you to suspend your disbelief. I mean, we are dealing with characters that have been through undead pirates and Squid headed incarnates of the devil ;-)
Also... I just saw The Libertine a couple of days ago, and I really felt that John Wilmot and Jack Sparrow have a few things in common. So if it seemed like Jack was channeling the Earl of Rochester during some of his more darker moments... he probably was :-)
Anyway, thanks to everyone who has read this story. I hope this chapter lived up to what everyone was expecting... I really liked the ending. I just couldn�t see Jack curling in to a corner and forgetting the world. Not Jack Sparrow.
Thank you so much again! Individual thanks in the review section!
- Kohl
- 4
- 5
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When the Rum Runs Out