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Forget Me Not	By : Ladykohl Category: Star Wars (All) > General Views: 22071 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Prologue
- 2-Part 1
- 3-Part 2
- 4-Part 3
- 5-Part 4
- 6-Part 5
- 7-Part 6
- 8-Part 7
- 4
- 5
- 6
Part 4
"Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, pain of love
lasts a lifetime."

-Anonymous
In the suit that was my self-imposed prison during the
day I walked beside the Emperor, hands clenched at my
sides, as we made our way along the main corridor of
the Imperial palace. I used every calming technique,
every shielding trick I knew of, to keep him from
reading my anger and hatred of him. There would come
a time when I would let him know exactly what
it was I felt for him, but now was not that time.
"So, my young apprentice," Palpatine began, echoing
the words of Obi-Wan from a life so alien that it now
seemed as though someone else had lived it. Perhaps
someone else had. "I trust you are enjoying your
gift?" It took all of my knowledge of the Force to
keep my anger from reaching out to him at those
words. It was becoming increasingly more difficult
to ignore his obvious stabs at my composure. What
was he trying to get me to do? Lash out? Prove once
and for all I was not to be trusted? Surely he
already knew that.
"Of course, Master." I said, just managing to keep
my teeth unclenched. "She is obedient and obliging."
For a few moments, he said nothing. If I hadn't known
better, I would have thought him irritated. However,
I did know better and I knew he was just as good at
keeping his emotions hidden as I was. In any case,
I did not have sense his irritation to know he was
bothered. I knew the Emperor enjoyed having power
over me. I knew this because it was how I felt about
my slave. It was darkly pleasing how it was so
easy to manipulate her emotions. So when the Emperor
failed to achieve the reaction he sought from me, I
was sure it was quite annoying for him. Perhaps he had
expected me to inquire as to why the girl looked so
much like the wife I had supposedly killed. He knew
the resemblance could not possibly have escaped my
notice, that indeed she had been selected for that
very reason. But I would not give him the
satisfaction of mentioning it. I would avoid
giving him satisfaction of any kind when it was
at all possible.
"Indeed." He murmured. "She must be quite...obedient.
Or perhaps cutting her hair was her own idea?" It
was evident to him I had been affected by his actions
after all, and that I had taken out my frustration on
the girl. This was just his way of showing me that
it did not matter how well I hid my true feelings from
him - he always knew. Rage simmered under the surface
of my suit and it was all I could do to keep from
going for my light saber.
"I keep my quarters quite warm." I started rationally,
not to be outdone. "A shorter length of hair seemed
only logical. Your Grace had seen fit to bestow upon me
such a useful gift, I found it would be disrespectful
not take care of her as best I could."
"Of course." Was all the Emperor said in response.
We walked into the throne room. He took his seat as
ruler, and I remained standing. I almost found it
comical. If I would have been just a little wiser two
years before, if I had seen him for what he truly was,
I would have killed him along with the Jedi, and it
would now be me ruling the galaxy,and his body would
have long since turned to dust. As it was, I was able
to appease myself with the belief I would soon take the
throne from him. One day I would live in a galaxy of
my own making and no one would ever lie to me again.
I came out of my revery to find the Emperor staring at
me contemplatively.
I have not been keeping you too busy, I hope?" His
tone was decidedly suspicious. I did not know what to
say to his unexpected question.
"No, my Master." I answered slowly, attempting to hide
the uncertainty in my voice. I could feel him
attempting to search my mind for something - probing
for something I would never let him see. It surprised
me he even tried. To that extent I was more powerful
than he could have ever hoped to be. He must have
known I could sense his intrusion and that I was
shielding something from him. It was strange that we
both knew we did not trust one another, but for the
moment, appearances would stay intact.
"Very good." He said quietly. I did not know what
he meant - nor did I care. "Within two weeks time, I
suspect, three more planets will have fallen in line
with my Empire, due, in no small part, to you, Lord
Vader. Supreme power will be mine, and you will be the
second most powerful man in the galaxy."
I nearly laughed out loud. He spoke as though I had
something to be grateful to him for. It was quite
possible he fancied himself something of a father
figure to me. But he knew nothing of love or light
and so could not fully understand what he had taken
from me in his pursuit of his ultimate power. He only
knew how to use those things as leverage - as weapons
to be used against those who opposed him or those he
wanted to control. Perhaps he truly had believed a
wife and family were nothing more than expendable
assets and that I was stronger and better for having
been separated from them. In his twisted way of
thinking, he likely thought he had helped me.
The parallel between Obi-Wan and the Emperor was
impossible not to acknowledge. Though one served as
the undeniable antithesis to the other, they both had
tried to teach their apprentice the same principles:
romantic love, familial bonds, attachment - none of
these had any place in the life of Jedi or Sith. As a
Jedi, there was only the Force and sacrifice. As a
Sith Lord, there was only the Force and pursuit of power.
Anything else forged ties to the physical world, and
those could always be used against you. As soon as
you could let go of all that bound you to this plain
of existence, there was not much else that could hold
you back.
"I have plans for you, of course," The Emperor
continued, a note of warning entering with his next
words. "I would be very disappointed to see you do
anything to jeopardize all I've worked for."
You will not be alive long enough afterward to be
dissapointed, I thought with a sort of vindictive
satisfaction, allowing my eyes to narrow, knowing he
would not be able to see them.
"My allegiance is strong." I spoke cautiously. "I
will do all my Master commands."

****

I threw my helmet across the room and ran my hand
through my hair as I paced back and fourth anxiously.
The front of faithful servant behind which I had
been hiding was all but nonexistent now. I had less
time than I had thought. I still had not found Obi-Wan
and he was the key to everything. Once I had him, I
would have the information I needed to find my
children. I had to find Obi-Wan before the Emperor
found out what I was trying to do. Only when I had my
children safely hidden would it be the time to exact
vengence upon Obi-Wan, upon the Emperor - upon
everyone. Finally they would all see I was not just
a boy who could be betrayed, lied to, and used as
a pawn. I would triumph, and I would rule, and
my children - my heirs - would grow up at my side.
They would lead the galaxy. A new generation where
no one would question their rule.
Abruptly my pacing, my plotting, came to a halt as I
sensed the girl enter the room. I spun around and she
jumped back, her eyes falling, as always, to the
floor.
"Milord." She said meekly. She obviously had not known
I was back. I looked her over with cold appraisal,
then sat down heavily on the settee without a word.
Removing a glove, I ran my hand through my hair. She
stood by, watching, afraid to move. When the Emperor
was dead, and all was done, I would truly enjoy
crushing her throat in my hands.
"I hate very few people." I began, my jaw set. She
looked confused, and I nodded at her. "Yes, I - the
"monster", do not hate without regard. Hate takes
knowledge of someone. An intimate understanding." I
stood up and took a step toward her. "You think I hate
all those I kill? I do not care enough to hate them. I
am indifferent. Live or die, they mean nothing to me."
I took another step, and gave her a crooked smile as
I ran the back of my hand lightly down her cheek. She
visibly shuddered at the contact, but still kept her
eyes downcast submissively. Did she not understand I
only ever touched her because she hated it so? If she
could just have forced herself to pretend she did not
care, perhaps I would have left her alone. But I'd
found people very rarely were able to do what was best
for themselves. "But you, my nameless little nothing?
I hate you." At that, she looked up at me - brown,
saturated eyes staring into mine. On her face was a
look of surprisingly cold determination.
Despite knowing I might very well kill her for it,
she replied firmly, "And I you...milord." The delayed
addition of my title was a deliberate attempt to
insult.
I continued to grin at her as I leaned in slowly to
place a gentle kiss on her lips. She flinched again,
and my smile widened as I backed away a step. No, she
would never be able to pretend she didn't care when
I touched her.
"Why do you insist on doing things that will make me
hurt you?" I asked with apathetic curiosity. More
and more she seemed not to be afraid of punishment.
Perhaps she was beginning to understand that, though I
would hurt her, I would not kill her as long as the
Emperor lived. She never looked away from eyes, and I
found that I could not help but give her credit for
it.
"Because you will hurt me anyway." She said. I
laughed.
"Will you not ask me why I despise you?" I asked,
crossing my arms over my chest to show her that, at
least for that moment, I was not going to hurt her.
She shook her head slightly and, to my surprise,
continued to meet my gaze. She had never done that
for more than a second at a time.
"I know why." The defiance in her voice set my teeth
on edge and my amusement fled. Seeing the warning
signs, the girl's own expression changed, moving
from rebellious back to fear and almost instantly
she broke off eye contact.
"Grace me with your theory, then."
She hesitated so long I started to wonder if she
would answer me at all. Her breathing was labored,
and I could see the pulse in her neck working
furiously. She was beyond scared. But then she spoke.
"B-because I look like her." She said quietly. "The
one whose name I am forbidden to speak." Her head
lifted so our eyes met once again and she foolhardedly
continued, "You must have loved her a great deal to
hate me so much."
Anger is not an adequate word for what I felt just
then. It went much deeper than anger; much deeper
than hate. I took her by her forearms and threw her
against the wall as hard as I could. She screamed out
in pain but it did not appease me as it usually did.
Her hatred and her defiance, these things I could
find mildly amusing in their futility, but the fact
she dared think she knew anything about me or what
I had been through was infuriating.
"You think to speak to me about love? Or about hate?"
I roared. She tried to scramble
away as though there was somewhere she could actually
escape to. I pushed her back down with my foot, then
spun her around to face me using the Force. Her eyes
bulged as I clenched my hand into a fist and brought
it back, preparing to strike her with all my strength.
And then I abruptly relaxed my hand and let my arm
drop to my side.
"You know nothing of me...or of her." I said bitterly.
"Nothing." I glowered down at the cowering girl,
asking myself what I had almost done. I had done many
things, but had never hit a defenseless person with
my fist. It seemed...beneath me somehow, and I wondered
what I had let myself become. Without Padm� I was
nothing but darkness and cruelty. Perhaps that was
all I had ever been.
I turned away and left her there, not caring what she
did or where she went.

****

That night I stood on the balcony with my eyes closed,
hands behind my back - meditating. It was a practice
I had not been fond of as a Jedi, but one I now found
to be beneficial at times. Times when it was nearly
impossible for me to clear my thoughts otherwise.
Unfortunately, during such mental exercises, it was
sometimes difficult to not let myself imagine I
was back on Naboo. It had always been my favorite
place to meditate. Standing out on the balcony of the
lake retreat - the cool wind blowing across my face
as the sunlight gently warmed it, and Padm�'s calming
presence touching me through the Force. It was when I
found myself reliving such moments that it became
difficult to ignore the fact that these memories
were the finest I had. And I wished I could somehow
erase them - these memories that were my eternal
tormenters.
I took in a calming breath, opened my eyes and I was
there, on Naboo. It was warm and beautiful in its
tranquility; untouched by the ugliness of war. It was
so peaceful - as though everything good that had ever
existed had found its beginnings there. As I looked
out over the lake, I knew I never wanted to leave this
place.
It never occured to me that something was strange,
that only moments before I had been some place
else entirely. All I knew was that my essence,
whatever it was that made up who I was - who I truly
was - was at peace. For someone who had never really
felt that way in his life, save for a few stolen
moments, the feeling was nearly overpowering.
"Anakin..." Her voice, so soft and wonderful. It
sang to the deepest part of me. I loved her so much
it was hard to breathe. I smiled to myself and turned
around to face her. The air caught in my chest.
Gods, how beautiful could one woman be? Her curling
brown hair flowed over her shoulders in a neat little
mess. Her tiny elegant frame spoke of royalty and
regality. One wouldn't have had to know she had once
been Queen to be able to see it in her. Her pale blue
dress hugged her every curve and the fading sunlight
bathing her made her glow. No wonder I had asked her
if she was an angel all those years ago. She smiled
at me as she held out her hand. I took it and she led
me away from the lake. Away from the sunlight. Away
from the world, drawing me inside to a warm, soft
place where only she and I existed.
I laid my wife down gently and smiled over her as I
ran my hand over the swell of her breasts, the flat
plane of her abdomen, the curve of her hip. I could
feel myself grow hard with need. I pulled the hem of
her dress up slowly and positioned myself on top of
her as she worked quickly to slide my pants from my
hips and then down my legs.
She sighed as the tip of my hard flesh touched her
most sensitive area and then with one slow thrust, I
was in heaven - deep inside my Padm�. I closed my
eyes to savor the pleasure. For a moment I didn't
move. It was enough just to be encased in her. It was
more than enough. It was all I ever needed. I buried
my face in the crook of her neck, taking in her scent
as I began thrusting slowly in and out. She smelled
so incredible.
"Padm�..." I moaned as she moved gracefully beneath
me. The pleasure was almost too much, yet I never
wanted it to end. "Padm�!" I called out with more
urgency. Her mewling cries sent my nerve endings
tingling. I began thrusting faster...harder. I
couldn't possibly maintain the slow pace a moment
longer, I wanted her too badly. I wanted her to
feel me pound into her flesh. I wanted to make her
feel as good as I felt. I wanted her to know how
much I loved every inch of her; everything that made
up what she was.
But something wasn't right.
Suddenly, it didn't seem as if she was moving with
me. It was more like she was moving against me. And
she wasn't moaning in pleasure but rather in protest.
This wasn't Padm�.
I opened my eyes to find, not the perfect face of the
woman I loved, but the face of the slave girl. The
face that was painfully similar to my beloved's. Tears
slipped from her eyes as she stared up at me in
disgust and horror. I had imagined everything. I would
never be on Naboo again. I would never make love to Padm�
again. Never again would I be at peace. Warmth, happiness,
light, wellbeing - that was all forbidden to me now.
I pulled back and stared down at the girl, and for
once her tears made me want to stop. I pulled out of her
completely, rolled to the left, and then lay at her
side trying to catch my breath. Tears clouded my vision.
I did not understand what it was in her eyes just then
that made me stop. I put my hands over my face and
then ran them through my hair before getting out of the
bed.
Without a backward glance I headed to the balcony, not
even bothering to dress - my cock still semi-erect. I
swallowed hard and tried to ground myself in reality
by taking in the view of the congested traffic lanes
before me.
I realized abruptly that I was sorry for what I had
done to the girl who was even now sobbing in my bed.
There was no denying it, not even to myself. I
considered, briefly, going back in and finishing what
I had started so as to beat back the unwanted feeling
of remorse and the accusing voice in my head.
She's done nothing to you, Anakin. She did not ask
to look like Padm�. How can you punish her for something
she had no control over?

I did not go back in to the room for quite a long
time, deciding finally against picking up where I had
left off. The voice had, at least that night, won.
The voice that always called me Anakin.

************

"Tis Revelation satisfies all doubts, Explains all
mysteries except her own, And so illuminates the path
of life, That fools discover it, and stray no more."

-William Cowper

TARUSCANI

The journey was long. Fifteen night cycles had passed
by the time I reached the little planet with a purple
sky - Taruscani. Only a small colony of humans
inhabited the harsh planet as the air was unbreathable
to most creatures. These colonists had left their true
homes in search of a place where they could be free
from war. Free from the Empire. They lived together under
a dome-like magnetic shield which protected them from
Taruscani's inhospitable environment. A small council
of elders served as the only law. There was no
currency. Everyone worked together toward a common
goal - to live in peace. Their existence here was a
simple one and they might possibly have been the
only truly happy people left in all the galaxy.
I stepped off my ship and onto the landing pad of
their small spaceport. I was met by an old man wearing
a long tan robe not unlike the one I myself wore. With
him were two younger men, both standing a respectuful
foot or so behind him. I gazed curiously around the
domed space. They were doing what they could. The
small settlement they had created seemed to be
thriving, and I found myself feeling something like
pride for them. If there were still beings who could
find a measure of peace in a time when such horrible
things were playing out, then perhaps there was still
hope.
"Master Kenobi." The old man said as he bowed. I
smiled at him and returned the gesture. It had been
a long time since anyone had addressed me that way.
It was pleasant to be brought back to a time when
there was no need for secrecy and hiding - even if it
was only for a moment.
"Elder Althar." I said. "Your colony has progressed
since the last time I have been here." He looked
around and nodded with satisfaction.
"I suppose it has." He looked back at me, and his dark
eyes sparkled with something else I was not use
to - respect. "To what do we owe this visit?"
"I have come to speak with a lady." I answered
gravely.
Althar stood a little straighter and clasped his hands
in front of him.
"Of course." He said quietly. "Anything serious?" I
paused for a moment.
"Unfortunately, I would not be here if it wasn't."

****

I was led on foot away from the main roads and homes,
to the outer edge of the dome. The Taruscani twilight
was quite beautiful. Hues of pink, purple, and green
striped the sky as the four moons began to appear. I
pulled my hood up around my head as the climate system
began to cool the settlement for the night.
"Have you named the moons?" I asked Althar as we
approached a small wooden cottage. The wood had
obviously come from another planet as no trees grew
in the harsh climate outside the dome, and the
colonists had not been there long enough to take
advantage of any plantings of their own. Things may
have been progressing, but they were progressing slowly.
Technology did not seem to have a place there. Althar
looked up at the moons and nodded slightly. He stared
at them with a reverent gaze, a look of awe spread
over his face. It was almost as if he were seeing
them for the first time.
"They were here before we settled this planet and
they will be here long after we are gone - and so, we
simply refer to them as `Tealo int're ano'." He spoke
the words in his native tongue. He looked at me. "It
means the-"
"The four guardians." I finished for him, thinking to
myself how much it suited the natural satellites.
"Yes." He said with a light smile, then gestured
toward the cottage. "Here we are." I looked at the
little home, then back at Althar.
"Here?"
"She is a very private woman." He answered.
"Sometimes, at night, I see her staring out into
the stars as though she is lost, or looking for
something." I sighed wistfully at the image his words
evoked and then nodded at the man.
"Thank you, Elder Althar."
"You may go in. We have no locks here." He said. I
tilted my head a bit, a puzzled frown creasing my
forehead.
"No locks? That's strange."
"A locked door breeds mistrust. It implies you have
something to hide, or something to protect from
others. Here we do not need to protect ourselves from
each other." I nodded in understanding. It was an
admirable notion. "Master Kenobi." He said with a bow
before turning around and walking back the way they
had come. I watched him for a moment, and then turned
toward the cottage. Taking down my hood, I waved my
hand and the door opened.

****

She did not look up as I entered her home. She stayed
intent on watching herself in the mirror as she
brushed her long brown hair - down to her waist - as
though she had not noticed the door open or shut. I
took in the surroundings briefly. A small,
comfortable looking bed in one corner - a dressing
table, where she sat, across from it. There was a
small couch near where I stood, a kitchen to my
right, and a small door to my left which must have led
to the refresher. Directly ahead of me was the only
window. Long, white, silky drapes were pulled back to
allow an impressing view of the unpopulated part of
the planet just outside the dome and an even more
impressive view of Tealo int're ano. I supposed that
was why she had chosen this small domain over
something else closer to the rest of the population.
Perhaps she felt comforted by the guardians.
Protected.
"Good evening." She murmured soflty. And I noted she
did not sound sad or despondent as she had when last
we met. Indeed, she sounded almost content. I was
glad of this. "I was thinking about joining in the
games tomorrow." She continued, clearly under the
impression I was a visitng neighbor. I stepped
forward from the shadows.
"It is good to see you again, Milady." I said. Her
hand stopped abruptly with the brush in her hair. She
looked over at me, a shocked expression flooding her
delicate features.
"Obi-Wan?" She asked in disbelief. The brush clattered
harmlessly down on to the dressing table and she was
up in an instant with her arms around my neck. I
suppose the time for formality was passed. She pulled
away and I could see that she was wiping tears from
her face - though she was not crying. "I did not
think we would meet again." I bowed in acknowledgement.
I was relieved to see that, while she did look quite
a bit more pale than the last time I had seen
her - probably due to the fact the dome protected
its inhabitants from the harsher of Taruscani's
sun's rays - she appeared in every way healthy. The
dress she wore was simple and plain. It was a far
cry from the wardrobe I had once been accustomed to
seeing her in. The blue, gauzy material reached the
floor, and the sleeves came to the tips of her
fingers. There was no beading or embroidery. The
only jewelry she wore was the carved japor snippet
Anakin had given to her years before. It hung on a
silver chain around her slim neck.
"I am afraid we are not meeting again under pleasant
circumstances." I replied truthfully. "I have come
because I must speak with you." I paused as she stared
up at me, the smile disappearing from her face only to
be instantly replaced by a worried frown. It pained me
that she could not have stayed happy. I truly wished
I was there under more pleasant circumstances but
the reality of the situation was I would not have been
there at all if the situation were not as it was. I
was risking a great deal by being there.
"Anakin." She whispered. "Is he dead?" I sighed.
"Darth Vader lives." I answered solemnly. "Anakin died
long ago. You know that." She turned from me with her
head bowed.
"You know I cannot believe that." She started. "I
cannot believe that, or else I cannot live." I
approached her from behind and placed a fatherly
hand on her shoulder.
"He knows of Luke and Leia, Padm�." I said gently,
knowing I could not delay telling her a moment
longer. She spun around, horror twisting her features.
"He has found them?"
"No." I answered, but then shook my head. "But it's
only a matter of time. He is searching for them. I do
not know how much time we have to decide on a course of
action." I paused. "I have spoken with Owen Lars. As
you can imagine, he was quite disinclined to give
Luke up." Padm�'s eyes flashed with something like
dull anger.
"Yes," she said a bit coldly. "I can imagine how that
would be difficult for him." I sighed at this.
"It was the only way, Padm�. Together with the babies,
your Force signature was much too strong for Vader or
the Emperor not to have picked up on. Either way, Vader
would have come after you and killed the three of you."
"I don't believe that!" Padm� exclaimed. "He could
have killed me on Mustufar if that is what he wanted."
"And he very nearly did." I responded. She fell silent
at that. Her eyes glazed over and she looked as though
her whole world was coming to an end for a second time.
"He still loves me, Obi-Wan. I will not give up on
him." I took a deep, steadying breath and nodded.
"That, Milady, is what I was hoping you would say."

****

I had understood the necessity for it all.
When Obi-Wan explained the elaborate hoax I was to
take part in, I understood it had to be done. But I
wished with my whole heart and soul the circumstances
be damned.
"For your own safety, Senator." He had said. "And for
the safety of the children, I fear this deception is
the only path to take."
I had been conscious for mere minutes. My babies had
just been born, and the Anakin I had fallen so
helplessly in love with was lost. Obi-Wan sat at
my bedside explaining to me the course of action I
had no choice but to take. I was to be believed
dead, murdered the same as all the Jedi. There would
be a funeral procession on Naboo. My family would
grieve and I would never be able to see them again.
To complete the illusion, my corpse would still
appear to be carrying the child that never had a
chance to be born. It was imperative to Luke and
Leia's safety, Obi-Wan emphasized, both Vader and the
Emperor had to believe Anakin's child was dead as
well. But it was the final stage of the plan which
devastated me beyond all comprehension. My children
were to be taken from me, and then separated.
I listened with tears pouring down my face as Obi-Wan
and Master Yoda decided my future, and the future of
my family; the family I would never see again. If the
babies stayed with me, he explained, and Vader or
Palpatine found us...
An icy hand strangled my heart as Obi Wan's words
trailed off. There was no need for him to finish. The
Temple massacre was fresh in both our minds. I had no
choice. I had to hide from the Sith, from Anakin - the
man who had always been so loving and caring, the man
who had been first shocked and then overjoyed to
discover he was going to be a father, the man who was
supposed to be my protector, my love. He would never
again hold me in his arms and tell me how much he
loved me. His adoring eyes would never settle on my face
as he whispered how beautiful I was. Anakin was gone
and in his place was a monster that threatened the
very existence of my children and myself.
That day, the day the Republic fell to its knees,
the day the Jedi Order was nearly made extinct, the
day I lost the man that was my husband; I almost died
that day.
Instead I was taken to a remote planet I had never
heard of to live out the rest of my life without my
family, amongst people I knew I would never feel quite
at ease with. For two years I lived on Taruscani -
quietly letting a piece of myself die each day. When
Obi-Wan came back and asked me to do what I knew we
would both die for if we did not succeed - I knew I
had to try. I had to try, and I had to succeed.
There had always existed a tiny, hopeful spark inside
of me, one Obi-Wan had chided me for harboring, which
believed Anakin still lived within the thing that
called itself Darth Vader. I had to believe there
was still good in him.
It was the only way I could survive.
*****
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Forget Me Not