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More Than Darkness	By : SaMe Category: M through R > Once Upon A Time In Mexico Views: 4591 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the movie that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 47
- 48
- 49
More than an hour passed before either of them said anything
again. It was Jeffrey who finally broke
the silence. "Have you eaten
yet?"
"No. I'm not hungry." Salida knew what the likely reaction to this
would be, but at the moment she didn't care.
"Vixen, you
have to eat something. It's not healthy for you not to. Remember what the
doctor said?" He 't f't feel as if he had the right to be telling her what
to do right now, but he couldn't help it.
"I'm not hungry,"
she repeated herself, hiding her face in his shoulder.
He felt like an ass
for having to say this, especially now, but she was leaving him with no choice.
"It's not just you anymore, vixen."
"They're not
hungry," she stubbornly persisted, even though it sounded ridiculous.
"If I have
learned anything about babies in the last few weeks, it's that they are always hungry, vixen."
"Well...then
I'm spoiling them and they have to learn to live with it."
"Vixen, come
on. Don't do this, please. You have to eat something. Please."
"Don'
wanna," she whined into his shoulder.
"Well you
haveta," Jeffrey murmured, matching her tone. "You can stay here if
you want to and I'll bring you something, but you are going to eat whatever I bring."
Salida pouted at
this pronouncement.
"You can pout
all you want. You're still going to eat. Now what do you want? And don't say
nothing. Either pick somng yng you'll actually eat and enjoy or I'll pick
something and make you eat it anyway whether you enjoy it or not." He was
faking all of this. He was being strong and decisive with her because if he
wasn't, then he'd be tempted to lay at her side feeling depressed and tell her
how sorry he was over and over again until he couldn't talk any longer.
"A sandwich,"
she finally muttered.
"That's a
start. What kind of sandwich?"
"Ham and Swiss
with tomato. No, I want the tomatoes on
the side. And sugar for them."
"Drink? Fruit?
Desert?"
"Just
water. And tomatoes are a fruit."
"Do you want
any real fruit? A tomato is not a
real fruit in my book. It's an imposter. Like an avocado."
"Are dried
fruits imposters too? Like
raisins?"
"No, they're
not. Do you want some? We might have some. I haven't checked because I don't
realikelike them. Too sweet. Grapes are better."
"No. I don't want any. Just a sandwich and a tomato. And water."
"Do you want
some ice for your wrists?" he asked slowly.
She shook her
head. "They don't hurt."
"Alright."
His jaw fuc did did. But it probably wasn't the time nor the place to bring
that up since she hadn't said a word about it since he had come up here.
"I'll be right back," he said as he pushed himself off of the bed and
rose to his feet.
"I wanna
come," she said, pushing after him.
"I don't want to be left alone."
"Oh. Ok. I'm
sorry. I thought�ok. Come on then." He walked to the door after making
sure she was following behind him.
Her legs were a
little weak under her, but she managed to make it downstairs before collapsing
on the couch. Jeffrey continued on into
the kitchen, while she looked at the sleeping Aida. Because of the other woman's kindness, Salida
was reluctant to disturb her, but on the other hand, she was bored.
Giving a mental
shrug, Salida reached for the remote and turned on the Jerry Springer
Show. If Aida slept, she slept. If she woke, she woke. was was the way things went.
"Do you want
this hot or cold, vixen?" he called out from the kitchen as he took the
ham and the Swiss out of the refrigerator and set them on the counter.coulcould
probably figure out how to grill the sandwich if she wanted.
"Cold,"
she called back, keeping her voice somewhat low.
Jeffrey nodded but
didn't otherwise respond out loud as he moved about the kitchen grabbing a
plate from a cabinet above his head and setting it on the counter in front of
him. He them located the bread from which he took two slices and set them on
top of the plate. Making the sandwich was easy after that. It was slicing the
tomato that was difficult, but he managed to keep all of his fingers in tact
and all of the slices on the plate so he counted it as a success. He quickly
put everything he had gotten out away before juggling her the plate with the
sandwich and sliced tomato in one hand, and a bottle of water and the bowl of
sugar and a spoon in the other and walked out into the living room.
"Thank
you," she murmured as he handed her the sandwich and set everything else
on the table.
"You're
welcome. Did you want to eat down here?" he asked softly, eyeing Aida's
sleeping form. He then seemed to remember that he had forgotten the ice and
turned back to head into the kitchen before she could answer, returning a few
minutes later with a washcloth filled with ice cubes pressed against his
throbbing chin and taking a seat next to her on the couch. Sorry. Forgot the
ice," he murmured around the bag.
"S'ok." Even though the sight of the ice pack made
her feel a twinge of guilt, it wasn't enoughmakemake her apologize. Between the two of them, he was really the
least injured.
"You haven't
eaten anything," he pointed out, looking down at her untouched sandwich
and tomato slices.
"Sorry." Mechanically, she took a bite of her
sandwich, ng ang another soon afterward when she discovered that it actually
had taste. For some reason, she'd been
expecting her nerves to turn everything to cardboard and sawdust in her mouth.
"It's
ok," he murmured settling back in the couch a little and turning his
attention towards the TV. "What the hell are you watching, vixen?"
"Jerry
Springer." Currently, a very large
tattooed white woman was trying to beat the hell out of a scrawny Mexican male.
"And that's
supposed to mean something to me?"
"It's a talk
show. Right now they're discussing total
opposites who fall in love for the wrong reasons." Without the bouncer, the man would be creamed
by now.
"If it's a talk
show, then why is the crowd chanting like it's some kind of gladiatorial fight
to the death?"
"Because its
trash TV." She was about halfway done
with her sandwich and wondering what the possibility of getting another was.
"I can see
that. Why are you watching it? The big guys in the black t-shirts stop anything
from gettingereseresting." And yet, even as he said all of this, he was
watching what was going on.
"At least it
isn't boring. I could have chosen
Oprah."
"I'm very glad
you didn't," he said turning to give her a somber nod before noticing that
she had finished her sandwich. "Do you want another one?"
"I'm not a
pig." It was a non-answer and she
knew it.
"No, I know
you aren't. Wanting to eat two sandwiches makes you hungry, not a pig,
vixen," he answered wryly.
"Alright."wrong somehow. Like he shouldn't be allowing himself to take any
comfort in her presence - for that was what he yearned for - because he didn't
deserve it. To feel uncomfortable in his wife's touch was depressing beyond
belief, but he couldn't seem to help feel that way.
Salida felt his
muscles tense momentarily before once more relaxing, but even then they
trembled. He doesn't want to touch me, she realized, and it hurt. Far be it from her, though, to force him to
do anything he didn't want to.
She half-hugged,
half-patted him before getting up off the couch. "I'm tired," she murmured, not
meeting his eyes. "I think I'm
going to go nap for a little while."
Whn>When she didn't
meet his eyes, his face crumpled into a lost look that he covered quickly with
a blank expression. But of course, she didn't see any of that since she wasn't
looking at him anyway. She's still afraid
of me, he thought to himself grimly, feeling depression settle a little
more across his shoulders. "Ok. I'll be down here," he said a little
dully.
But I want to sleep beside you. I want to be safe. What if I dream and you're not there to wake
me? She kept her questions to
herself and simply nodded.
"Jeffrey, I-I love you."
"I love you
too, Salida," he responded automatically, his mind whirling with thoughts.
Is she still mad at me? She said she
believes it wasn't my fault, but then why is she acting like this? She wouldn't
even look at me. Is she afraid I'm going to hit her or something? To him,
lowered eyes meant either fear or guilt, and since she had nothing to be guilty
for, she therefore must have been afraid. Of him. Of him hurting her. Again.
Depression settled ever more.
Salida was halfway up the stairs before she
turned back to him. The thought of
sleeping in that room, in that bed, with those memories... It was simply ludicrous. He had to come with her to keep the
nightmares away.
"Jeffrey?"
she called, nervously shifting her weight from foot to foot. "Please?
Come with me? You don't have to
get in bed with me, or touch me or anything, but please keep me company?"
Jeffrey looked up
at her suddenly, startled out of his thoughts by her question. "What? Why?
Why do you want me to come with you?" he asked before he could stop
himself. He didn't understand it. Hadn't she been afraid of him?
"I'm scared of
sleeping alone."
"You're
not�scared of me?" he asked hesitantly, not moving from the couch.
"N-no." Of being with him? Never.
Of intimacy - at least at the moment?
Perhaps.
"But I
thought�never mind." He rose from the couch slowly and moved towards her
keeping his movements deliberate as if he were afraid he'd startle her at any
moment. "If you're sure, I'll come with you." He managed to look up
at her and keep his head slightly bowed in a mixture of subservience and
wariness at the same time.
"I'm
sure. I don't want to dream."
"Oh."
That didn't make him feel any better. If anything, it made him feel worse.
"I understand." He moved to follow her up the stairs regardless of
what he felt though, because she was asking for this.
"You don't
want to. Do you." Her voice was flat. Sometimes he was a mystery, but at others he
was an open book. Right now, his
reluctance was clearly coming through.
"You don't have to. I
suppose I can turn on the radio or something."
"No, it's not
that. I'm sorry. I'll come with you."
"It's
alright," she said softly, turning to go the rest of the way upstairs.
"No. Don't.
I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. You wouldn't have asked had you
not wanted me to come and I will. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be an ass."
He pushed everything he was feeling right now to the side because it was
selfish of him not to concentrate on her after what-he had done-had happened.
"Jeffrey, I
want you to tell me the truth. And
remember, I know if you're lying. Do you
want to come with me, or do you just feel guilty?"
Jeffrey hesitated.
"Both," he murmured finally, looking down at the floor at the
admittance. "I'm sorry."
"Don't
be...but I don't want your duty, Jeffrey.
I'll be fine by myself." She
continued up the stairs.
He moved up the
stairs to catch up with her again. "No, don't. It's not duty. I'm sorry.
I'm being a selfish bastard. I want to come with you, vixen. I�want to make
things better."
For a long moment,
she studied him, making sure that he wasn't just feeding her a line. His eyes were too earnest though, too
sincere...too miserable...for her to take him at anything but face value.
"Alright,"
she conceded, stepping into the hallway and walking towards their room.
He didn't bother
saying thank you, because he didn't want to sound petty, so he merely moved
behind her silently into their bedroom. Somehow it was harder to be in this
time. The memories of what had happened began playing themselves out before his
eyes and he had to take a moment to calm himself. When he had come to her the
first time, he hadn't been focused on anything but her; not the room. He hadn't
even really seen it. But now it seemed as if everything was hitting him at once
and he let out a soft strangled piece of a moan, hoping she hadn't hear.
T.
This wasn't about him. This was about her and
he needed to keep that in mind. It was all about her. She was what
mattered. "What would you like me to do?" he asked softly, standing
still behind her and waiting for her instructions.
"I want to
sleep, but-but I'm afraid of having nightmares.
I just want to be sure that there'll be someone around to wake me up if
I do."
"I�can do
that. Where do you want me to be?"
With me.
"Wherever you feel most comfortable."
That hadn't been
the kind of answer he was looking for. He didn't want to have to make those
decisions here. He wanted her to tell him where she wanted him so he knew he
was doing what she wanted. After floundering for a moment, he took a hesitant
seat on the bed, ready to move if she told him to. "Is this alright?"
She nodded quickly,
too eager at his display of something resembling their normal affection to
allow him to doubt that she was anything less than please. "There is good." She got on the bed a little behind him, not
close enough to pressure him into anything, but close enough for her to tell
that he was near her.
"Ok,"
Jeffrey said hesitantly before moving a little so that his back was pressed
against the headboard and he was sitting next to her. He wouldn't be able to
watch her for nightmares if he couldn't see her, he reasoned to himself.
"Is this alright? Is this what you want?"
"Close
enough," she murmured, closing her eyes and hoping he wouldn't ask what
she'd meant by that.
"No, tell me.
I don't want�I want to know what you want me to do," he asked her softly.
"This is fine,"
she said. "If this is what you're
comfortable with, then this is what I want."
"It's not
about me. What do you want?"
"It is about you," Salida replied. "If I have to ask you to do something
that you're not comfortable with, then...then it's not going to be comfortable
for me either.
Jeffrey began
shaking his head slowly, muttering to himself. "No, no, that's backwards.
Supposed to be about you. Not me. I don't matter. Only you. I want what you
want. That's how it works. How it should work. You're switching it. Don't�don't
do that. It's not right. I don't want to make a mistake. You're supposed to
tell me what to do."
As he continued to
mutter, Salida reached up and placed two fingers over his lips. "Then what I want is to not make anyone uncomfortable,
including myself."
"I
am�uncomfortable," he admitted after a long moment of silence. "But
it's not your fault," he hastened to assure her. "I just feel like I
should be doing something�changing
something. I don't know."
"I don't want
you to do anything. I don't want you to
change anything. All I want is to be
able to sleep and not be afraid. And if
you can give me that, then...then I'll be happy."
"I want to
make you happy, vixen. Th all all I've ever wanted," he said softly, turning
his head to look down at her.
"I know,"
she whispered back. "And I am. For the most part. Happier than I would be if we'd never
met."
"That's
something, at least," he murmured, giving her a small smile, ignoring the
pain it still managed to cause him as insignificant compared to what he was
trying to express.
"It's
everything." She caught his eyes
and wouldn't let him look away until he accepted the truth of her statement.
He nodded,
accepting what she had said on the surface at least. "Get some rest,
vixen. I'll keep your dreams safe."
"Alright." With a large sigh, she closed her eyes and
tried to fall asleep.
With a hand that
trembled more than he wanted to acknowledge-hell, he didn't want to acknowledge
it at all-he reached down and gently brushed a lock of her hair out of her
face. "I love you, Salida," he whispered.
"I know,"
she murmured, smiling as she felt him touching her.
"Get some
rest. I'll be right here beside you."
"Keep brushing
my hair?"
"Alright,"
he said softly, moving his fingers through the dark wave of her hair, enjoying
the way it felt in his hand even as he told himself not to. It didn't stop him
though. This was what she wanted, so this was what he gave.
"Thank
you," she breathed, inching her head a little bit closer to him before
allowing herself to relax. "I'm
going to sleep now."
"Alright,"
he murmured, still running his fingers through her hair. "Have only good
dreams, vixen," he whispered.
She nodded, and
then eventually nodded off.
Jeffrey watched her
sleep, his fingers still moving slowly through her hair because he hadn't
thought to stop them. He saw her body curled towards him, so trusting that he
would protect and care for her. What had he done to deserve such trust? He
loved her more than anything, it was true, but what was love when compared with
how many times he had hurt her? Images flashed through his mind without order
or reason: the sound of a hand hitting skin, shards of a broken door fly past
him, a savageness he hadn't been able to control before the prick of a needle
in a vein, mottled purples and blues and yellows and greens on flesh like a
sadists' rainbow, the look of fear in a pair of familiar blue eyes�all things
he had done; not imagined. He had hurt her over and over again and yet, she was
still here. She still trusted him. It didn't make any sense. Nothing made any
sense anymore.
"That's not
what it looks like from here, Aida," he murmured, moving a hand to her
elbow to steady her before gently forcing her back down to the couch. "I'll
be alright, spitfire. I promise. And if I'm not, I'll just leave."
"Sands..." Aida sighed.
"Fine."
"I'll be
alright, Aida. I promise. And I'll be back before you know it."
She just sighed
n ann and laid her head on his shoulder.
"I wish you'd let me come."
"Why? There'd
be nothing for you to do but sit, Aida and listen to some boring medical
explanations that neither of us would understand anyway, probably telling me
things I already know."
"But at least
I'd be certain that you were okay."
"I'll be ok,
Aida," he said softly, leaning over to place a kiss on her forehead.
"There's nothing for you to worry about. But�do you want me to call you?
They won't let me in the hospital, but after? I will if that'll make you feel
better."
"Yes. Yes, please do. I can't help but worry."
"Alright, I
will." He kissed her again before standing slowly, giving her a chance to
move her head away from his shoulder. "I'll go now. The sooner I go, the
sooner it will all be over. Will you explain where I went to Salida if she
wakes up and asks? And, could you keep an eye on her? I'm not sure that Jeffrey
was supposed to leave." He shrugged.
"Bed
first," she said, holding her arms up again.
"Alright,"
he said as he lifted her up into his arms again and continued his journey up
the stairs and into their bedroom. "I really will be alright, Aida,"
he murmured as he reached the top of the stairs and turned right.
"So you
say. I'm not so convinced."
"Why
not?" he asked as he entered their bedroom and made his way across the rug
to lay her down in the bed. "Because I tend to freak out whenever I find
myself in a hospital? It happens. I deal with it. I don't really know why it
happens, it just does. I'll be alright."
"And I'm not
going to convince you otherwise, am I?" she asked as she reclined against
the pillows.
"No," he
said softly. "Are you upset with me because of it?"
"No. It's not worth getting upset over." She reached for him and ran her hands down
his silk-clad chest. "Just...if you
start to feel...claustrophobic, get out?
Don't push yourself to the breaking point?"
"The breaking
point?" he asked wryly before grabbing one of her hands and bringing it to
his lips briefly. "I will. I already promised I would. I'll be fine, Aida.
You don't have to worry about me."
"If I said
that would it keep you from worrying about me?"
Sands stopped the
automatic 'yes' from passing his lips because he knew it would have been a lie.
"I guess not."
She smiled
softly. "There we go."
"Alright,
you've made your point," he said with a matching smile of his own.
"Do I have your leave to go now, my lady?" He affected a small bow.
"I want a kiss
first."
"Any kind of
kiss?" he asked, a glimmer of mischief in his dark eyes.
Aida looked at him
suspiciously. "Yeah. Sure.
But if I don't like it, I get another."
"I think I can
arrange that." He moved onto the bed so that he was kneeling between her
legs, moving his hands to her stomach and hooking his fingers into the waistband
of the pajamas he had bought for her, liking the way the silk felt on her body.
He then moved up the edge of her shirt with his nose and began kissing her
stomach just below her bellybutton, kissing lower and lower slowly as his hands
began to pull her pants down her hips.
"Sands!"
she yelped sitting up and pushing him away.
"That is not the kind of kiss I meant and you know it."
He propped up his
head on his elbows in-between her legs and looked at her with all innocence.
"I must have misunderstood, spitfire." A glimmer of a wicked grin
made its way into his expression.
"No you
didn't," she accused, reaching for the waist of her pants. "You knew perfectly well what I meant
and what you were doing."
Sands just grinned
at her and kissed high up on the inside of her thigh through her pajamas.
"Stop,"
she demanded, placing her foot on his shoulder to push him away.
"You're no
fun," he sighed but moved to kiss her mouth passionately instead. When
they finally broke apart, he kissed the tip of her nose before asking.
"Was that more of what you had in mind?"
"Yes." She glared at him. "You know it was."
"I know it
was," he agreed, seemingly unaffected by her glare.
"Jerk." Softening her words with another kiss to his
cheek, she pushed him away. "Well,
go on."
"When I get
back can I have more kissing options?" he asked with a wicked smirk as he
kissed the soft underside of her chin before moving off the bed to stand at her
side.
"No. When you get back you're going to let Jeffrey
check-in with Salida."
Sands sighed.
"I was afraid you'd say something like that. Alright fine. I'll be good
and I'll be back soon."
"Hmph. You may be back soon, but I have no
confidence that you'll be good."
"You're
probably right about that," he said with a grin. "Being bad is much
more fun."
"So you
claim. One day we'll see just how much
fun you have being bad if I start rewarding only good behavior."
"Likewise,
wife mine," he said with an unworried smirk. "I'll be back
.&qu." He leaned over to give her another kiss on the lips before pulling
up to stand over her again. "Get some rest."
"Mmm..." She made a non-committal noise, but didn't
outright disagree with him.
"I love
you," he said with a fond smile, not quite moving away from her side yet,
but knowing that he should.
"Love you too. Now go, or I'm going to think that you want
me to come despite all your protests."
"I'm going,
I'm going. See you soon." With that, he turned and walked out of the door,
went downstairs and strapped his two knives to his belt that were lying on the
coffee table where�someone had left them, and called a cab. He would have liked
to have taken the Porsche, but he was being practical in not knowing what he'd
be getting himself into by going to this fucking hospital. He then took a seat
on the couch and waited. The taxi showed up about 10 minutes later and he was
on his way.

"Ah, Mr. Sands. What a pleasure to see you again. I
didn't expect you to be arriving quite so soon," Dr. Barns said kindly,
rising from behind his desk and offering Sands a hand which Sands shook.
"Please, take a seat. Do you recall what we talked about over the
phone?" he asked as Sands took a seat in one of the office chairs in front
of Dr. Barns' desk.
"You asked me
if I was suffering from any symptoms of schizophrenia. Something on my scan
apparently caused you to ask the question. What was it? Raised dopamine levels?
Abnormalities in my frontal lobe? What?"
"You have some
knowledge of medicine? I wasn't aware of that. Where did you study?"
"Not of
medicine, of psychology. But you didn't answer my question, doctor."
"Of course,
forgive me. Yes, we did find the things you mentioned, and also the fluid
filled ventricles within your brain are larger than that of a person non
exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia which is why I asked, Mr. Sands. I will
ask again since you did not give me an answer. Are you or have you suffered
from symptoms of schizophrenia?" Dr. Barns looked at him seriously,
leaning forward on his desk a little.
"Like
what?" Sands asked evasively.
"Paranoid
delusions? Auditory hallucinations? Unusual motor activity such as
pacing?"
"And these are
symptoms of schizophrenia?"
"Yes, Mr.
Sands. Answer the question, please."
"Before I do,
can I ask you a favor?" Sands asked, intentionally putting a bit of
edginess in his voice. He wasn't faking it, he really did feel about to climb
the walls. Dr. Barns nodded after a moment's hesitation. "I'm
nosocomephobic. Is there somewhere else we can talk?" Sands didn't like
admitting such things at all because admittance was weakness, but he didn't
want to be here anymore.
"Nosocomephobic?
What does-oh. You're afraid of hospitals." Dr. Barns searched Sands' face
for signs that he was telling the truth and apparently was satisfied because he
nodded. "There's a restaurant across the street. Would that be a
preferable place to talk in? Or is it too close to the hospital?"
"No, no. That
will be fine. Thank you," Sands said with a grateful nod.
Dr. Barns waved off
the thanks and together they walked through the corridor the the hospital
before something occurred to Sands. "Shouldn't you tell someone where
you're going?" he asked curiously as they exited through the main doors.
Dr. Barns shook his
head. "It's about lunch time anyway."
Sands accepted this
and they crossed the street and entered the small restaurant which was actually
down a few blocks than right across the street as Dr. Barns said it would be.
And it was also curiously empty for it being so closed to the lunch hour. Dr.
Barns though either didn't seem to notice or liked it that way because he moved
into a booth next to the front window with the ease of familiarity.
"Are you going
to answer my question now, Mr. Sands?"
Sands debated on
how much to tell this man. Before deciding to fuck it and go for broke. If he
got worried about what he told him afterwards, he could always kill him. It
wasn't a big deal. "Yes. I have suffered from symptoms of schizophrenia.
I've had auditory and visual hallucinations both."
"I see. And
when did these symptoms first start occurring?"
Sands shrugged.
"When I was young, I guess. But they've gotten worse in the last
year."
"Worse? How
so? Have you ever sought treatment for this before?"
"Oh I hear
voices. More so now than then. But that's probably more to do with the
associative identity disorder than the schizophrenia," he mused
thoughtfully.
"You suffer
from associative identity disorder as well?" Dr. Barns asked, somewhat
shocked that this man was sitting so calmly in front of him as he told him
this. He began to think it was all an act. "Tell me about it."
God, she smells good. She better not sleep for too long or I might be
tempted to wake her up.
Aida instinctively
moved back against him, but she never emerged from her heavy sleep for even a
moment.
Sands sighed as she
pressed up against the burgeoning erection he had been suffering all day -
killing someone always made him
fucking horny - and began to nibble at her neck, trying to wake her up in the
nicest but most effective way he could.
Aida sighed, and
murmured in her sleep, but stubbornly refused to open her eyes.
Sands was beginning
to grow frustrated so he moved a hand up from her waist and under her
loosely-fitting pajama to cup one of her breasts, running a thumb over a nipple
slowly but firmly. He wasn't going to be denied that easily.
"Not
now," she muttered, half sleep.
He didn't listen to
that, merely doubled his efforts until 'not now' evolved into 'take me now,
Sands,' or a like variation on the theme. A thought occurred to him though as
she stubbornly refused to wake up. How close could he get her to coming before
she woke up? It seemed a worthy experiment that he was just curious enough to
push his impatience to the side and attempt. He shifted her slightly into his arms,
so that while the fact that her ass was firmly seated on his hardened length
now making him uncomfortable and impatient, he could reach around with his
other hand under her body to manipulate her other breast, keeping his movements
gentle and slow, but firm as he wanted to arouse her not relax her.
Aida moaned, and tossed
her head a few times, but otherwise stayed still and asleep. If her dreams were now full of her devilish
husband, however, that was only to be expected.
Sands grinned at
this reaction, wanting more. With this thought in mind, he moved one hand under
the waistband of her pants and thumbed her clit deliberately and slowly, not
wanting to startle her into wakefulness. While his one hand did that, his other
continued rolling her nipple in-between his thumb and forefinger as he nibbled
on the side of her neck and her earlobe when she tilted his head towards him
enough so that he could reach it.
"Sands..."
she sighed, slowly coming awake. It was
desire now that weighed her eyelids down, and not sleep. She almost immediately understood what he was
trying to do though, and she wasn't going to steal his fun. No.
Instead she was going to up the stakes and see how long she could keep
him doing this before he realized she was awake.
Sands just continued what he was doing as if
he hadn't heard her moan, which was likely. He was beginning to become lost in
the sensations of her body reacting beneath his hands and he felt like letting
out a little moan himself. It wasn't ultimately the satisfaction he was looking
for, but it wasn't serving to diminish his arousal any either.
His hands felt
wonderful on her, and if he was willing to do all the work, then she was
willing to let him. Moving to return any
caresses � or even to indicate her
appreciation � was more than she could offer.
But he seemed to be enjoying herself, and she still liked the idea of
tricking him, so she laid still in his arms and tried not to smile.
How something could
be so incredibly frustrating and rewarding at the same time eluded him as he
simultaneously enjoyed giving his wife pleasure and strongly disliked not being
able to take any for himself. But that was ok for now. She couldn't sleep
forever, could she? No, she coul pos possibly. He wouldn't let her. With
this thought reassuring him, he
continued working at arousing his wife, trying to focus on the enjoyment he was
getting out of it.
Aida felt his
determination, but didn't let it affect her.
As long as she kept up her pretense of sleep, she was in control, and at
the moment she was finding that very enjoyable.
Even as his hands moved over her, touching and rubbing every erogenous
zone she had, she kept a straight and relaxed face.
Ok, his patience
was beginning to wear thin. While he thoroughly enjoyed the control he had over
her at the moment, he was growing tired of the lack of wakefulness on her part.
"Aida, come on now, wake up and give your impatient and horny husband some
attention. Please?"
The pleading in his
voice betrayed her into letting her lips quirk up into a small smile.
Unfortunately, as
Sands was behind her, he couldn't see her face and didn't notice the grin.
"Aida, you're not listening to me. Come on. No one need sleep that much. I'll let you go back to sleep
later, promise. You just have to wake up. se?&se?"
"But I like
having you do all the work," she said clearly, not a hint of sleep in her
voice.
"How long have
you been awake?" he asked calmly, his hands stilling where they were.
"Awhile." She grinned again.
"So basically
you've just been laying there enjoying the spoils, is that it?"
"Something to
that effect. You offered. Far be it from me to pass it by."
"Yeah, well I
offered in the hopes that you would wake up and return the favor,"nds nds
said with a touch of irritation.
"You never
said that." Nonetheless, she
pressed back against him. "I do
have to warn you that my energy level is at a 3 or thereabouts," she said,
turning her head so she could at least see his face. "This is going to be up to you."
Sands sighed,
feeling even more irritated now, but at himself not her. "No, it's
alright. I shouldn't have asked. I should have let you sleep. You don't have to
do anything for me, spitfire. I'll be fine."
"I want
to," she murmured, wiggling until she could meet his eyes. "I love you."
"Don't wiggle
like that us yos you're serious," Sands murmured, looking at her with a
crooked smile on his face. "I love you too, spitfire. Are you sure? I'll
be fine, if you're not. Really. It's not like I'm going to curl up and die or
anything."
"I'm...wet..."
she pronounced clearly, daring him to do something about it since he caused it.
"Yeah, well
I've been carrying around a hard-on for the last hour or so that's only gotten
harder since you decided to have your fun and play possum, so what's you're
point?" he asked with a smirk, but began moving his fingers down from her
clit in-between her legs. "Mm, indeed you are, spitfire. Dripping, in
fact. What do you want me to do about it?" he murmured with a grin even as
he slowly began to explore the contours of her wet, hot depths with a single
finger.
"I think you
can do what you like about it. I'm too
lazy to move. Sounds like you'd have an
easy time getting me to cooperate."
"Alright, I can
do that I suppose. I like doing things for you. I spent the rest of my day
doing things for you as a matter of fact," he said with a grin as his left
hand began to move over her breast again as his right hand still worked between
her legs. He liked holding her from behind like this. It appealed to his
possessive nature to have her pressed up against him with his arms wrapped
around her like this, notwithstanding what his hands were currently doing to
her.
"That
right?" she asked, allowing some of her breathlessness to be heard. "I don't suppose you thought to make
dinner."
"Did you want
me to? Because maybe I could do that. But no, I haven't done it yet," he
murmured as he nibbled at her neck and shoulder gently.
"Didn't think
you had," she murmured, struggling to turn all the way around. He didn't let her. "Were you just going to tease? Because I can tell you now that I don't have
the energy to do this twice."
"Are you up to
it? Tell me the truth. I'll be fine if you're not. I like teasing you,"
Sands murmured, licking along the shell of her ear gently.
"I'm up to
it," she said, reaching a hand back as he still held her in place. Her fingers brushed against him, eliciting a
gasp from him. "Perhaps not as up
to it as you are -"
"If I was any
more up right now, I'd be hitting the
ceiling," he growled in her ear before slipping out from under her so that
she was lying on her back looking up at him. He then unbuttoned her shirt and
removed it and her pants with hurried care before groaning as he looked down
and saw that he was still completely dressed. "Fuck," he murmured
under his breath as he moved to remove his clothing as quickly as he could,
taking care not to damage something important as he unzipped his pants.
Once he was finally
in a suitable state of dress to match her, he climbed back on the bed and
paused before her parted thighs. "You're sure? And please don't say no or
I'll be taking one very cold shower
right about now."
"Brrr..."
she murmured, pulling his head down so they could kiss. His tongue surged into her mouth immediately,
causing her to make a surprised whimper in reon, on, but then she was kissing
him back lazily in counterpoint to his desperation.
He was trying very
hard to be as gentle as he could, but fuck he wasn't made of stone -perhaps hard as
at the moment, but certainly not made
of - and his patience was practically
nonexistent. But still, he was able to enter her slowly and gently with one
flthruthrust as he continued trying to devour her tongue and get her to do the
same.
Aida spread her
legs a little farther, and sighed as she felt him move deeper inside her. Her hands slid up into his hair and she
pulled him back slightly as she kissed him slowly but passionately.
Her slow kiss had
pretty much the same effect as sprinkling water on hot coals. It made him hiss
and react, but it didn't do anything to stop the heat. His hands had begun to
move over her body with abandon, tracing the contours of her skin without
thought or purpose except to touch,
so that was what he did.
"Sands..."
she murmured after tearing her lips away from his. "I love you."
"I love you , Ai, Aida," he murmured as he leaned down to kiss her collarbone and her
neck; anything and everything he could reach.
"You -
oh!" His fingers found her clit
again. "You feel good."
"You feel
better," he murmured as he suckled on an earlobe for a few minutes before
deciding that he needed to get closer
to her, so he moved back a little, effectively arching up into her even more,
before grabbing her hips and lifting them off the bed so that she locked her
ankles around his ass. It hurt, and it probably wasn't the most comfortable
position for her to be in at the moment, but dear god, he felt like he wanted
her tollowllow him whole with every thrust they were so deep. He was moaning
and murmuring proclamations of love and meaningless ramblings under his breath
within minutes.
The pain from the
position was battling with her arousal by the time Aida felt her husband
growing closer to the edge. "I should wap.Climbing out of bed she
slowly donned her pajamas again, smiling as Sands helped her button her top
up. "Thank you. It's not often you're actually helping me put
on clothes."
"It feels like
I'm doing things backwards," he said with a small smile. "Alright,
come on. I think the easiest way to find them all at once is food. Shake the
food bag or fill their dishes, and they'll come running."
Aida followed him
downstairs, looking for her cat as she went.
It was bad of her, but she hadn't been paying much attention to her
kitten lately.
"I'll bet
Desdemona is in sunrises' room, so we probably won't see her. But as for Agatha
and Obsidian�" he trailed off as he stooped down to grab the bag of kitten
chow out of a low cupboard near their bowl and gave it a good shake. It took a
minute and another shake, but 4 pairs of little kitten feet could be heard as
the two cats came tearing across the kitchen from wherever they had been
getting into trouble and immediately began circling Sands' legs and meowing for
food even though they had been fed just a little while ago when he had gotten
home. "See? There they are. I told you they were alright."
Aida immediately
scooped up her cat and smiled when it began purring. "Yes," she said. "I hear you. Did you miss me?" When it began to rub the top of its head
against her chin, she laughed. "I
suppose so."
"You got
tric Acc Accept it," Sands murmured as Obsidian was still meowing for the
food he had just put away. The kitten didn't seem to take it to heart however,
and was soon rubbing against Sands' bare leg until Sands lifted him into his
arms. Obsidian immediately climbed up Sands' chest a little and began eating
the tips of his hair. Sands bore it with an amused grin and turned to Aida.
"Feel better now?"
"Yes." When she saw Obsidian though, she
laughed. "I think the growing
kittens need more food."
"Oh, I don't
know. Something tells me he'll be doing this to me even if he turns out to be
the biggest, toughest cat in the world." He looked down into Obsidian's
golden eyes and tried to imagine what he would look like full grown. He
couldn't do it. He noticed that he had already grown from when he had first
gotten him, but he was still pretty small.
"Well, its
very cute." She reached over to pet
the black cat, but Aggie mewled a protest.
"And what's wrong with you?" she asked the cat. "Am I not allowed to pay attention to
anyone else?"
Sands reached out
to pet Aggie and was met with pretty much the same reaction from Obsidian.
"I guess we've been claimed, spitfire," he murmured with a grin.
"Apparently. But do we get to pet each other, that'e
re
real question." Grinning, she
leaned over for a kiss.
Sands smiled
against her lips as the cats began meowing but Sands wasn't going to let
Obsidian at least do anything else to prevent him from giving his wife the
thorough kiss she deserved.
"I suppose we
just have to teach them who's in charge around here," she murmured as she
pulled away.
"Oh I'm sure
they know. I think they're just being stubborn," he said wryly before
telling Obsidian to cut it out.
"They're
cats. They think they're gods."
"Yeah, well
they're not. You hear that, fuzzball? You're just a cat. Your days of godhood
have long since passed," Sands told Obsidian as he ruffled his ears in a
way that made the cat purr loudly.
"And yet, you
feed him, you pay attention to him, you refuse to get him fixed -"
"Fixed? They
should call it what it is. Castration.
Not for my cat."
"Tell me one good
reason not to."
"Because I'm
not going to let you." He held Obsidian almost protectively in his arms.
"Step away from the cat, crazy lady," he teased with a playful grin.
"That's not a
good reason. How will getting him
neutered change a thing about him?"
"That's change
enough!"
p clp class=MsoNormal> "You're not
bothering to back your stance with any sort of opinions other than you wouldn't
want it done to you," she laughed.
"I'm sure he
doesn't want it done to him either!"
"He's a
cat. He has no idea what's going on
besides when he gets fed, when he sleeps, and when he gets petted."
"How do you
know?"
"Why don't you
ask him?"
"Fine."
He lifted Obsidian up so that they were nose to nose, brown eyes meeting gold.
"Do you want to be castrated diandian? Because that's what will happen to
you if we listen to her. You don't want that, do you?" Obsidian meowed,
wondering what his master was doing, and leaned forward to lick the tip of
Sands' nose. "You see?" Sands said with a smile he was unable to stop.
"No castration for my cat."
"So you're
irresponsibly going to run the risk of him helping to create lots ofy
cy
cats?"
Sands shrugged.
"Jeffrey did it," he muttered. "Not with cats of course, but you
get the idea."
"Oh my
god," she said, disgusted.
"There's a big difference between kittens and babies."
"I'm aware of
that," he said dryly. "Forget I said it. Yes, I am willing to let him
populate the world with his offspring if he's so inclined. That's his business,
not mine."
"That's where
you're wrong. There's enough cats just
like Obsidian who have to be put down every single day because they're not the
owner's problem."
"Oh,"
Sands said with a frown. He had honestly forgotten to take that into
consideration. For some reason, the notion of killing cats bothered him more
than killing their owners did. It hadn't always been that way, before he had
had cats he hadn't cared for them at all, but now that had changed.
"Alright fine. You've made your point. Sorry, fuzzball. Looks like we're listening
to her." Obsidian just yawned at him, completely unperturbed.
"See? Told you he didn't care." Aida kissed his cheek. "Besides, we have to take them in for
shots and such."
"Shots and
such? Man, you hear the things she wants to put you through?" he addressed
the cat in his arms. "Just kidding, spitfire," he said with a smirk.
"I understand having to take care of them. I just�don't like some of the
methods."
"They're
better than nothing." She shrugged.
"Yeah, I
suppose."
"You worry too
much," she informed him. "I
hate to see how you'd act if we ever actually had kids."
"I do not
worry too much," Sands argued, avoiding the subject of children all
together.
"We've already
confirmed that you brood. That's the
same as worrying."
"They are not.
They're very different."
"How?" Aida went to have a seat at the kitchen
table, Aggie still in her arms.
Sands followed her
with Obsidian beginning to bite at his hair again. "Worrying is
legitimate. Brooding I'll admit, isn't always."
"Worrying
isn't legitimate. It doesn't solve
problems, it doesn't incite action, it doesn't cause anything but headaches to
happen. Worrying and brooding are the
same thing."
"No they're
not. Brooding is to think about something thoughtfully. Worrying is to be
distressed or anxious about something. Definite difference, spitfire."
"Well fine,
then I've never seen you 'brood.' What
you do is worry about something until you're ready to pull your hair out."
"No, I pace. I
don't pull my hair out," he murmured as he finally took a seat at the
table next to her and set Obsidian in his lap where the cat immediately curled
up and began purring, tucking his head under a bent paw to keep the light out
of his eyes.
"Only because
the alternative is to pull your hair out."
Sands laughed at
that. "There is no real alternative to my pacing, spitfire. It's what I
do. It's what I've always done." He frowned thoughtfully. "Did you
know that pacing is a possible sign of schizophrenia? The doctor imparted that
little nugget of wisdom on me earlier today."
"What else did
the doctor say? What happened? I've been meaning to ask
"Oh he asked
me if I had suffered from any symptoms of schizophrenia, because apparently
some things in the MRI they took led him to that conclusion," he murmured
offhandedly, not knowing how much to tell her.
"And what did
you tell him?"
Sands shrugged.
"I told him I had been. He wasn't really all that surprised."
"And what did
he say? Is he expecting to see you
again? Did he try to convince you to get
help?"
"Yeah, he told
me he'd be able to help me," Sands murmured. "I didn't stay long. I
didn't like talking to him and I don't think he expects to see me again."
"Is he a
danger?"
Sands hesitated.
Had he been careful enough? "No, I don't think so," he said finally.
"Alright.� She smiled ruefully. �I suppose I worry too."
"You don't
have to worry, Aida. I'm fine. I'm safe. We're all safe. There's nothing to
worry about."
�That�s what you
say now. But I�ll try to believe you.�
Your confidence is inspiring. He thought
to himself. "Alright."
She looked at him
as if she'd heard that mental add-in, but didn't say anything else. "Have you eaten yet today?"
"No, but I did
go shopping. Everything I bought is upstairs."
"Are you
hungry?"
Sands shrugged.
"A little, but I'm ok. I'll get you something if you are though."
Aida studied him
for a moment, but ended up shaking her head.
"No. I'm not
hungry." As long as he doesn't ask when the last time I ate was, I'll be fine.
Sands nodded.
"Let me know if you change your mind. Now come on. I want to show you what
I bought today. Bring Aggie if you want." He picked Obsidian up into his
arms as he stood.
"Help,"
she said, holding her her arms. If he
was willing to carry her around all day, she saw no point in walking.
Sands set Obsidian
down on the chair he had just vacated and walked over to her side. "I
thought you didn't like being carried because you didn't like being an invalid,
spitfire," he asked as he took her in his arms with Agatha in hers.
Obsidian looked on, seemingly jealous. "Not that I mind really. I like
carrying you."
Aida avoided
replying to his observation by saying, "Gimme Obsidian. I'll carry him." She didn't want him to know that her joints
were really giving her trouble today.
Sands shrugged and
set her back down in her chair and walked over to where Obsidian sat and picked
the small kitten up gently. He then transferred him to her lap with Agatha, and
slowly picked up both his wife and the cats combined. Not that the cats added
that much more weight. "I could just yot you down on the couch and bring
things downstairs to you if you'd rather stay down here, Aida."
"Okay. That's fine with me too. If we go upstairs I'll probably fall asleep
again anyway." She gifted hith ith
a wry smile. "And we all know how
much you like to take advantage of sleeping women."
"I haven't a
clue what you're insinuating, Aida," Sands said with a wicked grin as he
set her down on the couch with the cats. He then turned and brought her
attention to the vase of daises he had placed on the coffee table in front of
her. It was one of many spread throughout the house. He didn't say anything
after he had done so however, he simply made his way upstairs to get the items
he had bought.
Letting go of the
cats, Aida reached over and took one of the daises from the vasd add admired
it. She wondered why he kept buying her
daises and asked him the moment she heard him coming down the stairs.
< sty style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Sands came
sauntering down the stairs still clad in nothing but his boxers because he had
no desire to wear anything else at the moment, holding a garment bag in one
hand and a small black box in the other. He presented her with both, trying to
look innocuous as he did so and failing miserably. He couldn't seem to keep a
wide grin that was definitely on the smug side from finding its way to his
face.
all of it.
"Carolina
roses are for�dangerous love."
"And why is
our love dangerous?"
"It isn't.
Forget I said it. Open your presents."
"No," she
pressed. "If our love isn't
dangerous, are you referring to yourself?
And why would you say you're dangerous?
You're not...or at least not around me."
"Just forget
it, Aida. I didn'tn itn it. Don't worry about it."
"I don't want to forget. I want to understand."
"There's
nothing to understand, Aida. Just let
it be."
"Then why
would you give me a flower that means dangerous love?"
"I wouldn't. I
haven't. Just forget it."
"You don't say
things without meaning them though, so you must have meant something by it."
"Why can't you
just let this go? I didn't mean it, alright?" he muttered, slouching back
a little in his chair. All he had wanted to do was to make her happy by
replacing the flowers and vase that bastard had broken. He didn't want this. He
didn't want to explain this.
"Sands..." With a sigh and a muffled groan she got up
and took a seat at his feet. Leaning her
head against his knees, she looked up at him, trying to appear as pitiful as she
could.
"Why does this
mean so much to you?" he asked with a sigh as he looked down at her.
"I don't
know."
"Then why are
you still asking?"
"Because its
important. I thought we could tell each
other anything."
Sands sighed deeply
and let his head rest against the back of the chair with his eyes cast up to
the ceiling so he wouldn't have to look at her. "Fine. It's both, alright?
I know I'm dangerous. You try and convince yourself that I'm not but I am. You
and sunrise both seemed to think bastard was dangerous and something to be
feared-and he was, don't get me wrong-but what you don't seem to take into
account is that bastard wasn't real. Not really. He came from me, Aida. Do you
understand that? His personality, his wants and desires, they didn't just appear. They are in me and always have been. Just because I don't act upon them with
you doesn't mean that I never will. And the other�"
He paused, still
not looking at her. "Do you remember last week when I told you that I
sometimes think that your love makes me weak? Will I think that's true and I
don't. You're changing me, Aida. By the way you care and the way you make me care. You force me to deal with
things that I haven't thought about or intentionally forgot about for years
Aida. I have to deal with those things. And sometimes I just�Never mind. I'm
sorry. Forget it. I don't want to talk about this right now." It's far too late for that. You've already
told her all the best parts. What more is there to keep back?
&qu>"I don't want
to change you," she whispered.
"Well...perhaps some of your behaviors, but not you.
And we all have those dark desires.
It's just that most of us...most of us have a side that keeps that
darkness in check."
"Yeah, most of
you. Not me. I don't seem to have
that little barrier to the darkness, Aida. I never really have. Why else would
I kill? You don't. Most people don't. I do. I'm different than the rest. Than
you. And I always will be."
"But I don't
care," she murmured, sighing and closing her eyes. "I love you."
"Yes you do.
That's what makes you different. You care. If you didn't, you'd be like
me."
"No, I don't
care that you're different."
"Why? I've
never understood that. After I told you what was�wrong with me, you invited me
to your apartment, let me take what I wanted from you, and then moved in with
me afterwards. And you had only known you for a day. I told you that I was and
still am a killer and you did it all anyway. Why?" He moved his head to
look at her now.
"Kismet,"
she said quietly. "I have no good
reasons. Or at least the reason I have,
you'll yell at me for having."
"I'm not going
to yell at you, Aida," Sands said with a sigh. "And I'm not so sure I
believe in kismet, but fine."
"You don't
think it was fate that made you bump into me that day?" she asked,
ignoring his invitation for her to tell him her original reason.
Seeing that his
response hadn't been what had been looking for, he tried to reassure her.
"I'm sorry, Aida. It's just I started convincing myself while I waited for
you to open it that while it had seemed like a good idea at the time, you
wouldn't appreciate it. I almost didn't want to give it you but before I could
do anything to that effect you had already opened it. I would kill to have you
wear that for me, Aida." He held back a wry laugh at the unintentional
irony of his statement.
"Oh..." She laughed at her own discomfort. "You shouldn't worry. I'm a very dangerous sexual predator,
remember? And an actress on top of
that. I enjoy costumes."
Sands grinned at
that. "Yes, you most definitely are, Aida. And with that reassurance I
just may have to get you one or two more�costumes
in the future." The look on his face was nothing less than mischievous,
his hesitance at giving her the lingerie disappearing as if it had never
existed.
"That's the
spirit." Aida grinned
impishly. "I'm happy to see that I
finally have you trained."
"How's that,
spitfire?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, for one
thing, you agreed with me, and for another, you're agreeing to indulge my
little...fetish."
"And how does
that make me well trained exactly? I'm a enthusiastic supporter of any and all
fetishes you'd care to develop, spitfire," he said with a half grin.
"Alright, have
it your way then. If you're so well
trained that you don't even realize that you are, what is there for me to argue
with?" Her smile was devilish.
Sands smirked at
that. She had him on that one.ot;Got;Glad I could be of service, milady,"
he said affecting a deep bow in her direction although the smirk never left his
face.
Aida simply
smiled. It was nice to be on good terms
with one another again.
"Are you going
to open the other one or are you going to leave me sitting here in suspense,
spitfire?" he asked with a smile, leaning back in his chair and getting
comfortable.
"What is
it? Tell me and I'll decide.t;
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More Than Darkness