More Than Darkness | By : SaMe Category: M through R > Once Upon A Time In Mexico Views: 4591 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the movie that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
This is a crossover smutty story featuring the character of
Tess/Salida ie Tess' Voice in Neon Dasies' OUATIM fics on ff.net, More Than
Eyes Alone Can See, and More Than Life,
and Sands/Jeffrey from Merrie's OUATIM fic on ff.net, Darkness Rising. This story
will make some sense, probably, if you read it without having read either of
our stories, but it'll make a hell of a lot more if you just read them. They're
all worth reading, we promise. Anyway, on with the . “I’m going to –”
Jeffrey was cut off by Salida’s yell.
“Stop it! Just stop it!
This does not look like getting along.
If you’re going to pull the disgruntled conjoined twin act, do it
somewhere where Grant and I won’t have to listen.”
One of the two men
grumbled something under his breath – Salida couldn’t tell which – but it was
Sands who spoke. “We’re not arguing. We’re getting along.”
“Yeah. Getting along,” Jeffrey muttered.
“Yeah, sure . . . now.” Salida rubbed her temple and tried to calm
down. “Alright. So what are we going to do? This can’t keep happening. I’ll have to start using more and more
drastic measures to make him go away.
Sooner or later that’s going to mean that you’re going to be dead.”
The two men both
immediately tried to speak at the same time, saw that that wasn’t going to
work, and Sands conceded Jeffrey the right to speak first. “I’m going after him. We’re not safe, Vixen. Second, anyone
can be killed. Third, it’s not as if
Sands has to fucking go anywhere. It’s
his head. He’s already here. And last, that’s never going to fucking happen
so don’t worry about it.”
“You’re going to do
it anyway, aren’t you? Despite what
anyone says?” Sands asked Jeffrey suddenly. Jeffrey didn’t answer.
Salida knew Sands
was speaking the truth though. There
really wasn’t anything she could do to stop her husband if he really wanted to
do this. It wasn’t as if she could stand
in his way and block him from leaving. “Jeffrey?”
she asked softly, her eyes worried, wondering if he was really going to do
this.
“Salida?” Jeffrey
responded, looking over at her. “Don’t
worry. Everything’s going to be fucking
fine. I promise.”
“You can’t promise
me that. You can do everything you can
to make it so, but you can’t promise it.”
“Who the fuck says?
I’m going to beat this fucker,” Jeffrey
said with confidence.
“Don’t,” she said
sharply. She wanted to make
so many protests, suggest they try anything but this; to weep, cry, rage – do
whatever it took to make him change his mind.
But it wouldn’t help.
“Sands. Is he right?”
If Sands said that Jeffrey was in the right, and she was in the wrong,
she’d stop fighting against this. “Is
there nothing left?”
Sands looked
slightly flustered, not able to speak a word during any of this because he
truly didn’t know what to say. “I don’t
know,” he said, shaking his head slowly back and forth. “Maybe. I can’t control him anymore; that’s true. He came to me while I was awake this time. I wasn’t in control, but I was still there. Not like last time where I was drugged out of
control and unable to stop him. I wasn’t
able to stop him then, Salida. be a fucking man. You’ll
never be anything more than a fucking nuisance until one of us kills you,”
Jeffrey seethed to the air in general, becoming pissed off that bastard had yet
to show himself.
“You think that scares me? I’m not afraiddeatdeath. I never have been. But don’t let that fool you into thinking that
I fucking want death. I don’t. I want control. And I will have it.”
Jeffrey laughed. “You’re not going to have shit. I’m here to fucking call you out, bastard. This place isn’t big enough for the two of us!”
Jeffrey knew there were quite a few more
than two within Sands’ head, but saying two sounded better so he let it slide.
“How very droll,” bastard drawled un an
unamused voice. “Calling me out? You make it sound like we’re in some kind of
fucking Western. Although I don’t think
either of us deserves to wear the white hat.”
Jeffrey was growing impatient with bastard’s
refusal to show himself, which, he reflected, was probably the point.
“I don’t understand how you can ever manage
to keep it up for that fucking whore of yours considering your impatience,
Jeffrey. Tell me, ever jumped the gun? I just bet yave,ave,” bastard taunted,
seemingly as calm as a Hindu cow.
“Fuck you,” Jeffrey muttered between
clenched teeth, refusing to let himself be goaded. “I may be impatient, but at least I’m not a
coward; hiding away like a fucking pussy. You’re all talk, no action and I think you
know it.”
There was a kind of . . . shimmering in the
air around Jeffrey’s form, and he could only assume that bastard was finally
showing his face. “Fuck you. Do you think this is a game, you pathetic
little worm? You can’t stop me!” Bastard looked like Jeffrey had imagined he
would – i.e. like Sands, like him – and yet . . . darker somehow. And he scowled as if he had never known a
proper smile in his life. Probably not. His hair was short as Jeffrey’s had never
been, cut above his ears and spiked up so that it looked wild uncared for. He carried a knife in his hand and advanced
toward Jeffrey slowly but with malicious intent. actual fight, sunrise. It
was in my fucking head.”
“And yet, someone
died,” she pointed out in an acidic tone.
“Yeah, well that
someone wasn’t Jeffrey. Your precious
husband is fucking fine, sunrise. I can
feel him up here sill. He hasn’t gone up
anywhere.” He rapped a knuckle lightly
against his temple in emphasis.
“As if he’d tell
you either,” she muttered. “I hate you
both.”
“Fine. Hate us. I don’t fucking care. You’re right, he wouldn’t tell me. He’d probably do fucking anything to fucking
keep from telling me. But that doesn’t
change anything. He’s alive. He’s fine. He’s not going anywhere. Be happy with that.”
Salida didn’t
answer, she just turned her back on them.
“Whatever. We’ll fucking call you later.” With that, Sands made his way out the front
door in as quick of a stride as he could manage, not wanting to talk to Salida
any longer. Jeffrey was fucking fine. Sands would know if he wasn’t. Wouldn’t he?
****************************** ***
******************************
“Here you are, Mr. Sands.”
The nurse showed Sands and Aida into a room. Sands had been through all the check-in procedures
down to the ID band on his wrist and the puncture wound from where they’d drawn
blood. Aida had sat by his side, holding
a hand or resting her fingers on his leg, through the whole thing, a silent but
steadying influence.
As the nurse
adjusted all kinds of machinery and equipment after Sands had climbed into the
bed, she said to Aida over her shoulder, “Visiting hours are over, ma’am. We’ll give you a few minutes alone with Mr.
Sands, but then we have to ask you to leave.”
Sands had been
plucking irritably at the wrist band when he heard the nurse’s comment and
looked up, managing to look both startled and indignant at the same time. “She stays,” he said firmly. pan>“Do you want to try
to get some sleep?” Aida asked, still running her fingers over his forehead.
“No, I don’t want
to fall asleep here,” he murmured with a frown and a slight shake of his head. “I’m alright. I slept earlier.”
“No you’re
not. At least if you were asleep you wouldn’t
be so uncomfortable.”
“Yes, I would,”
Sands said with a slow nod.
“You’d be just as
uncomfortable asleep as you are now,” Aida stated slowly. “Care to explain that?”
“Nightmares,” he
said succinctly. “I don’t want to sleep
here.”
“I’ll wake you up
before you can have any,” she assured him.
“I did it once, didn’t I?”
“But you said that
when I sleep like that, without REM sleep, it’s not proper sleep anyway. I’ll just save you the effort and not sleep. pan>pan>And besides, if you were to do that, then you wouldn’t be able to sleep.”
“I’m not going to
sleep, my love,” she sighed. “I’ll wake
up sore and stiff in the morning, so I might as well sit here and still be sore
and stiff.”
Sands eyed the cot
with a disgusted glower. “You don’t have
to sleep down there. You can sleep up
here next to me.”
“No I can’t. That would be me getting in the way in case
of emergency, and the nurses who’ll be coming by to check on you would not be
pleased. Not to mention that there’s not
enough room up there for two people.”
Sands sighed. “Alright. But I’m not
going to sleep. We can be tired and
stiff in the morning together. These
beds are very fucking comfortable anyway.”
“Alright.” She got up anyway and turned off the lights
for at least the sake of appearance.
Sands didn’t want
her to, but he couldn’t make himself say as much because he was embarrassed. He was a grown man and this fucking phobia or
whatever it was – he still didn’t like to admit that it was such – had to go. Wishing it didn’t make it so, however. It just left him feeling frustrated and even
more tense than he had been before due to thinking about his situation and
fears.
Aida came back to
the bed, her fingers finding him in the soft light that came from the streetlights
outside. She was tired and didn’t feel
like talking, but there was no way she was going to leave her husband.
“Just get some
sleep, Spitfire. I’ll be alright,” Sands
said softly, trying to imagine he was somewhere else since he couldn’t really
see anything in the room all that well. The silent beeps of the machines surrounding
him and the fact that his wife was merely touching him instead of lying next to
him didn’t let him entertain such a fantasy for long though.
“I’m not going to
sleep.” Her voice was clear and a bit
exasperated. “I’m here for you, not for
me. Now what can I do to help you relax?”
“I don’t know. Probably nothing,” he murmured under his
breath.. “I don’t care. Talk to me. I don’t . . . I don’t like the quiet.” He remained silent for a moment before adding,
“If you don’t want to do that, just . .
. touch me. Play with my fingers or hair;
it doesn’t matter. Anything. I don’t like that you’re here next to me.” He looked over and saw that she was indeed
sitting right next to him. “You know
what I mean.”
“Yes, I know,” she
murmured as she laced her fingers with his and started stroking the back of his
hand with her thumb. “What would you
like to talk about?”
“Something not
having to do with hospitals,” Sands muttered.
“Like what?” she
asked. “You have to give me a topic.”
“Books,” Sands said
after a moment’s thought, then cursed himself for it. Pathetic.
You couldn’t come up with something
better than books? He tried again. “Tell me about your family. Your brothers and sisters.” That was a little better.
“You already know
about my family,” she murmured. “And I don’t know what my siblings are like
anymore.”
“Sorry. Guess I was just curious and looking for
things to talk about. I don’t think I’ll
ever understand family,” he murmured. “We
don’t have to talk about anything. It’s okay,”
he let himself fall silent and still and concentrated on the feeling of her
rubbing her thumb over his hand – such a simple thing – that brought him the
small amount of peace that he so desperately needed right now.
< sty style='mso-spacerun:yes'> She felt guilty for
her silence. “Robert is the oldest,” she
murmured with a sigh. “And then Carol,
my only sister, and then Mark and Matthew the twins, and then me, and then
Zachary. By now Robert is thirty-four,
married to a lovely woman named Heather, and has three kids with one on the
way. Carol is 32 and hasn’t gotten
married, but Momma seems to think she will soon. She’s also adopted two Vietemese
children. Mark and Matt are 30. Mark is married to a woman who has three kids
from a previous marriage – she got married when she was 17, and now she’s
25. Matt is finishing grad school and
has just started dating a new girlfriend.
Zachary is 24, but he and his wife can’t have children, so they adopted
a brother and sister.”
“Robert, Carol,
Mark, Mathew, you, Zachary . . .” Sands repeated slowly, both a little
dumfounded at the size her family, and trying to remember the names.
“See? Not too hard.”
“You’ve got it
easier, I think. There’s only me.”
“Only you,” she
drawled, raising an eyebrow even though she knew he couldn’t see it.
“Well, that’s not
entirely true. I do have a few aunts and uncles left. I think. But I haven’t spoken with any of them since. .
. .” He cut himself off from mentioning
the fire again. “Would you?” she
asked, part of her doubting that.
“Yes,” he said
softly. It was a big promise to make,
but he couldn’t deny it to her. Not now,
not ever. “Ask me. You have something on your mind? Ask me,” he said, pulling away just enough to
meet her eyes.
“Stop doing things
that will get you in trouble,” she asked, meaning his urge to kill. “It’s bad enough knowing that I could lose
you at any moment because of something from the past. The fear that you’re increasing their need to
find you is unbearable.”
“I haven’t killed
anyone since. . . . You don’t want to
hear about that, but it’s been awhile.” He ’t k’t killed anyone since Great Aunt
Prudence at the airport in LA. “I will
try, Aida. I cannot change what I am
with the flip of a switch from insane to sane in an instant. It doesn’t work that way. But I will try.”
She’d been holding
her breath, certain that she’d asked the one thing that he’d deny her. It wasn’t fair to ask a person to change just
to make another happy – if someone was going to reform, they did it before
marriage – but here her husband was, offering to try to change. For her.
Instead of thanking him verbally, she leaned into him and pressed a kiss
into his neck.
Sands closed his
eyes at the kiss and let himself enjoy it. “You accept that, I take it?” he asked softly
when she pulled away, not wanting to spoil the mood, but needing to ask. “I didn’t promise I would stop, Aida. I don’t think I can promise that with Jeffrey here too, among other things. But I will
try.”
“Anything’s better
than nothing,” she whispered, “and at least you didn’t tell me I was being
unreasonable.”
“You weren’t. It’s a reasonable thing to ask,” Sands said
softly, moving his finger back to hers, unconsciously taking comfort in the
touch. He then had to move his hand back
quickly to catch the yawn that made its way through his mouth. Damn it.
I am not going to sleep.
“You can try to
relax at least,” she told him. “Even
sleep.” His hot breath had brushed
against her neck as he'd yawned. “I’ll
be right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I didn’t think you
were, but I am not going to sleep. I can sleep tomorrow when we go home.” He did relax a little – reluctantly – against
his pillow with its disturbingly medicinal smell. That was another thing. The very smell of the place made his skin
crawl. Medicines and cleaning solutions
with a hint of blood in the air that you could pick up if you knew what it
smelled like as well as he did. The
combination of smells left something to be desired.
“Yes, but you’re
tired now. Please, just try. If you’re not asleep in five minutes, we’ll
talk some more.”
Sands really, really, didn’t want to, but it was the “please”
that got to him. “Alright. Five minutes. And then will you let me be about staying
awake?”
“For another hour.”
Sands sighed. “Alright. Five minutes.” He laid back on the bed and attempted to get
comfortable, closing his eyes. He’d
promised Aida he’d try to sleep at least, and that meant exactly that. She’d be able to tell if he were keeping
himself awake just to “run out the clock” as it were. Five minutes. . . He was asleep in four.
****************************** ***
******************************
Aida walked by Sands’ side as he was wheeled towards the
imaging center, a male orderly pushing the wheelchair that it’d taken promises
and bribes to get Sands to even sit in.
From all the
fucking attention he was getting, Sands was starting to feel like either enemy
of the state #1 or someone terminally ill. Since he was neither, he was beginning to grow
annoyed. And that was without the added
annoyance of being wheeled around in the fucking wheelchair like an invalid. His legs weren’t fucking hurt, so what was the
point? He was being wheeled off to
ki
kind of fucking test or another – his second for the day after something called
an EEG that they did while he was asleep – and he didn’t want to go.
Aida saw his
resistance and obstinacy in the set of his jaw, and she sighed. Coming here had been his decision, but he was
making it hell for her, not to mention the poor technicians doing all the
tests. At least I’m used to it, she thought as the fingers of her right
hand slipped under his hair to rest at the nape of his neck. He jumped a little as her nails brushed
against his skin, but then he seemed to relax a bit, which still left his
muscles as hard as sandbags. Nothing was
going to get through.
What the fuck was I thinking? Sands
asked himself not for the first time as he was wheeled into a room to get what
he was told would be an MRI to test for possible brain abnormalities such as a tumor.
Now while he had always had a bit of a
morbid curiosity to find out if there was anything specifically wrong with his
brain that caused his behavior and led him to speak to and be controlled by
other people within his own brain, he was no longer curious. Not even a little. And yet it was far too late to turn back now. And the best thing about it was that it had
been his choice to coere.ere. Aida and Salida had argued against it. Why didn’t
I fucking listen to them? I’m a fucking
idiot. His hand sought out Aida’s at
his side, unconsciously taking comfort in her touch. He didn’t look at her though. His eyes were fixed firmly ahead; determined
to see what was coming for him before it got here.
She squeezed his
hand and tried to inconspicuously roll her shoulders. They were as stiff as she’d expected after a
night spent in an uncomfortable chair, but then again, she supposed she
shouldn’t complain since she’d known what she was in for.
The orderly pushing
him suddenly stopped as they reached their destination and told him he could
stand up and get out of the goddamned wheel chair now. Sands did, not wanting to sit in it anymore,
but not wanting to be where he was either. The silent whoosh of the door closing behind
him only reinforced the swell of claustrophobia that had startedurriurring to
him as he had been wheeled down the hall. “Sir, you need to sign this,” a nameless man
addressed him, handing him a release form. Sands looked down at it as if it
were completely foreign to him, not seeing the words. He looked to Aida for interpretation.
She smiled gently
and took the release form from him. She
read it over, asked the clerk a question, and then signed it herself; her hand
was comfortingly tight on his the entire time.
“Your ring, sir.
You need to remove it before we take the test,” the man said, glancing down to
the wedding ring on Sands’ right hand. Sands
frowned at him and looked to Aida.
“You can’t be
wearing any metal when you take the test otherwise it will cause problems,” she
said softly, raising their joined hands up a little so she could bring his ring
into prospective. “I’ll hold on to it
for you.”
Sands gave her a
look, but reached down to pull his wedding ring off of his finger with a little
effort, remaining absolutely silent as he did so.
“It’s going to be
alright,” she assured him, kissing his cheek.
“It’s going to be alright."
Still holding his hand, she turned to speak to the technician for a few
moments, then followed both men in as they walked into the room with the MRI
equipment.
Sands nodded dully
but didn’t otherwise respond. I can do this. I can do this.
I can do this, he told himself again and again. It’s nothing. Just a scan. It won’t even hurt. Stop freaking out! He made
it to the room, took a good long look at the MRI machine, and stopped like a
deer frozen in the headlights, about to get creamed by an oncoming semi.
Aida stopped by his
side, her hand tightening around his and reassuring words practically falling
out of her mouth. She could understand
why he wouldn’t want to go through with the MRI, considering thehinehine's
basic shape resembled that of a long, round coffin. The only part of him she’d be able to touch
if he went in would be his ankles and feet.
“It’s alright, my
love. You can do this, but if you don’t
want to, that’s okay too. You’re here
because you chose to be. No one is
forcing you to do this. It’s alright to
change your mind. I’m right here, I’ll
stay with you. I asked and they’ll let
me. It’s alright. You don’t have to. . .”
“No . . . I’m
alight. I can do this,” Sands murmured,
forcing himself to move again. He wasn’t
going to let a fucking machine scare him. He was being a fucking coward. He could do this. He did what the technician directed him to do
and laid down in front of machine, determined to get through this. He listened to the man drone on as he told him
that if he stopped the process at any time before he was supposed to be
finished they’d just have tort art all over again and blah, blah, blah. “I’m alright, Aida,” he told her in as clear
and confident as he could manage at the moment, looking down at her as she
moved to stand at his side.
“I know you
are. I told you you would be. I also told you I’d be right here, and here
is where I’m going to stay.” She smiled
at him as if knowing he was simply putting on a brave face for her and she
loved him for it.
“Good. Let’s get this over with,” he murmured and
lifted his head up slightly so that he could watch her as he was moved into the
machine. Once inside, he closed his
eyes. He didn’t want to, didn’t want to
admit even such a small defeat as that, but he couldn’t help it. He closed his eyes and tried as best as he
could to relax as the scan went on. Goddamn, this fucker’s loud. I should have taken those earplugs. He was about to move his hands up to his ears,
but then he remembered that he wasn’t supposed to move, so he stayed still and
prayed it would be over soon.
She waited, one
hand resting on his ankle while the other gently played with his toes. She didn’t try to tickle, and she didn’t try
to talk. All she wanted to do was
reassure him that she was still right there with him.
After an indefinite
amount of time, Sands finally felt the table moving him back out of the machine
and the technologist in the booth was was apparently running it telling him
that he was finished. Sands sighed as
the wheelchair was presented to him again but didn’t argue. He just wanted to get out of this fucking
place, and he figured things would go a hell of a lot quicker if he just went
along with all of it. Well, that was the
theory in any case. He grasped Aida’s
hand at his side and brought it up to his lips lightly before bringing it back
down again. She gave him his ring back
and he returned it to his finger with a gesture of thanks.
“See? Not so bad,” she murmured, running her
fingers through his hair as she walked. “Just
noisy. I knew I was right to believe
you.”
“Believe me?” he
asked, glancing over at her briefly before turning his eyes back in front of
him. Why was the damn wheelchair moving
so slow? Couldn’t they tell he just
wanted to get out of here?
“You said you could
do it. And I believed you. See how well that worked out?”
“Oh. Yeah. Thanks,”
Sands said with a slight nod, his voice seemingly distant again.
“Do you want to go
get some lunch?” sheed, ed, trying to keep a bit of normality in their
conversation.
“What? Oh. I
don’t know. Not really hungry right now,”
he murmured.
“Alright. Then perhaps we should go home and spoil the
cats a bit. I’ve been neglecting Aggie
lately.”
“Alright,” Sands
murmured, getting out of the wheelchair as he had been returned to his room. “Is that all? Can I go now?” he asked the room in general,
not really knowing who to ask.
Aida exchanged
glances with the man escorting them. He
nodded.
“We need to get you
checked out, but then yes, we can go.”
Sands nodded, and
started to pace a little on nervous energy alone. my father eved wid with it. He
probably just threw it out.”
“Is Chocolate
stupid?” she asked, waiting for his answer.
“What? What do you mean? She
knew that in forcing him to admit something he didn't want to and had struggled
not to acknowledge, she’d upset him, but she truly believed it was better for
him to get these things out of his heart
He couldn’t let these memories clutter his mind, not when she wanted
them to build new, happier memories together.
If he didn't let them go, they'd just hang back and poison everything
they did. So she allowed him his anger
with her, and simple reached over and squeezed his arm.
“Don’t. I’m upset with you,” he muttered, still
scowling, but didn't pull his arm away. He didn't look at her either, though.
“I know,” she
whispered. “And I love you.”
Sands nodded, not
saying anything in return. He was still
too fucking pissed off.
“You can go walk it
off if you want. I’ll stay here and nap
until you get back.”
Sands shook his
head and still didn’t look at her. “I’m
not leaving you here by yourself.”
“It’s a public
park. Nothing will happen to me.”
“That’s alright. I don’t want to walk anyway.”
“Alright.” Aida removed her hand and laid down, staring
up at the leaves overhead.
“I wish you hadn’t
asked me about all of that,” Sands murmured after a few long minutes in utter
silence. He didn’t even check to make
sure she was still awake when he said it. He just said it to the air and to whomever might
be listening.
She was,
however. “I know, and I’ll probably ask
you something else you don’t want me to at some point in the future.” Whether he liked it or not, she was going to
help him heal from his parents’ neglect.
Love was all well and good, but there was only so much it could do
before getting tough. Especially when he
didn’t want her to do anything but leave him be.
“Why did you? When you know I didn't want to fucking talk
about it? I still don’t,” he murmured, still not looking at her.
“All those memories
are inside you, locked away because you’ve never had anyone to share them
with. Well, here I am. But you’re so used to keeping them locked
away, that you won’t trust me with them.
If they don’t lose their sting, they’ll just poison every memory we make
together, and forever you’ll be thanking me for the simple gift of talking to
you. I want these things to become
common place, but first we have to get rid of everything that tells you that
you’re anything less than a person worthy and worth being loved.”
Sands just snorted
at that.
“Fine.” If he wanted to be that way, that was his
decision.
“Let’s just go
home. Jeffrey’ll probably be fucking
pissed at me for leaving sunrise alone this long,” he muttered.
“Fine.”
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