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Five Times Megamind Slept With Metro Man	By : tripperfunster Category: zMisplaced Stories [ADMIN use only] > Megamind Views: 2758 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Megamind or any of it's characters, nor do I make any money from them.

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“Hey! You’re just in time. I’ve popped some corn and the movie’s about to start.”

“Popp-ed corn?” Asked Megamind, stepping through the door, “Whatever for?”

“That’s what you eat when you’re watching a movie. Duh!” intoned Wayne, as he plopped on the couch and put his feet on the coffee table. “Or does Evil not watch movies?”

“I am no longer evil,” he answered, sitting on the other end of the sofa, “and I happen to have a fairly extensive collection of DVD’s.”

“All of them legally obtained?” teased Wayne.

Megamind smirked and met his gaze. “I have no idea where Minion gets them and I’m not about to ask.”

“Ah,” said Wayne, tossing the white kernels in the air and catching them in his mouth, “Plausible deniability. Very smart.”

The hero tapped his large head and nodded. “Henchmen are very convenient that way. Do you have any soda?”

“Shit, yeah. Where’s my manners? It’s in the fridge, I’ll get you one.”

“No, no. I’ll get it.” He unclasped his collar and tossed it and the attached cape on the empty chair. “Would you like one?”

“Sure. Actually, grab me a beer. Grab one for yourself, they’re on the door.”

Megamind opened the fridge and searched the contents. “Just a ginger-ale for me, thanks. So what’s the movie?” He pushed a few things around and located his soda, then grabbed a beer as well.

“Shawshank Redemption,” Wayne called from the other room. “Super cool flick. Super cool.”

“Stephen King,” mused Megamind, arriving with the drinks. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for a horror movie kind of guy.”

“Have you seen it?” he asked, taking his beer and twisting off the cap, “It’s not horror, it’s … gritty.”

“Not that I recall. What’s it about?”

“It’s about a guy who’s wrongly accused of his wife’s murder, and he goes to jail.”

Megamind raised one brow.

“No! That’s not all,” he continued, “It’s more about what happens to him while he’s there, the friends and enemies that he makes and how he eventually solves the mystery and -- Well, I don’t want to give it all away.” He patted the cushion beside him and Megamind obediently sat.

“So … no monsters? No child-eating clowns living in the sewers?”

Wayne laughed. “No, nothing like that. Just regular old humans. Well, some of them are monsters in their own right, I guess, but nothing supernatural.”

“Okay, I guess,” said Megamind, although he did not seem convinced.

******

Halfway through the film it occurred to Wayne that perhaps it hadn’t been the best movie choice to show to an ex-con. He stole a few sideways glances at his partner during some of the more graphic scenes but Megamind seemed totally engrossed, uneaten popcorn clutched in one hand.

When the characters finally arrived at Zihuatanejo and the credits rolled, Wayne turned down the volume and placed the empty popcorn bowl on the table. “So, what’d you think?”

“It was … gritty, yes. But surprisingly uplifting for such depressing subject matter. And I must say,” he said, turning to Wayne with a grin, “I could have learned a lesson from Andy on breaking out of prison in a quiet, subtle way, instead of with my usual panache. It affords one a bit more lead time!”

Wayne breathed an inner sigh of relief. “So what do you want to watch now? Colbert Report? Leno? News?”

Megamind shrugged and finished the last of his ginger ale. “Honestly, I don’t watch much television at the lair. Whatever you’d like to see is fine with me.”

With an effort to pick something light and mindless Wayne turned the station to the Jay Leno Show. By the end of the monologue the were both sound asleep.

*****

Someone was in trouble. Someone needed his help.

Wayne struggled toward consciousness. He awoke short of breath and his heart pounding in his throat. He scoured the darkened room with it’s familiar archways and wall hangings. Ah, yes. He was at home. And obviously dreaming. Taking some deep, calming breaths, he willed his thrumming heart to slow and sent up a prayer of thanks. He was no longer a hero and didn’t have to worry anymore. The stress, pressure and seething, needy crowds were no longer an issue for him, although his subconscious seemed unwilling to let it go. The nightly hero-stress dreams had slowed to weekly and now just semi-monthly, but they still left him with the bitter burn of unused adrenaline coating the back of his throat.

Something shifted near him and he jerked in surprise. Megamind! Ah yes, the movie and then Leno. They must have fallen asleep, although how they’d managed to end up in this overfriendly position, he couldn’t imagine. They were on the couch, Wayne stretched out on his back and the blue villain beside him, tucked under one muscular arm, his large head resting on Wayne’s chest.

He thought he might still be dreaming until Megamind’s face scrunched up, lips parting, white even teeth almost glowing in the darkened room. He mumbled something unintelligible; Ginger poultice? Finger boulders? then chuckled softly, one hand skittering up Wayne’s torso to rest on his wide chest. Wayne took a mental boot heel and stamped down his libido. This was not for his benefit. He didn’t need to scare away his new friend by acting like a horny teenager. Not that he couldn’t catalogue the feeling of Megamind’s hot breath mere inches from his right nipple, or the way his thin legs were entwined with Wayne’s own and file it away for later, perhaps in a nice hot soapy shower, or the privacy of his bedroom.

Megamind’s back straightened, and the hand on Wayne’s chest fisted in his shirt (catching a good amount of underlying hair.)

“Muh-Minion.” he huffed, tensing further. “No.”

Wayne grinned and settled in to watch the show, but the rigidity in Megamind’s back eventually released, and his breaths slowed, becoming more even and deep. Long moments passed and Wayne was half asleep himself when Megamind began to twitch again.

“Guh!” he cried, “Minion, no!”

That hand was clenching in his shirt again, and Wayne fought the urge to place his own hand over it.

“No!” He gave a small series of grunts and breathy moans and Wayne grinned. This one sounded even better than last time. “Give’m back. Now.” His legs jerked and Wayne instinctively put a hand over his own crotch. Invulnerable or not, a knee to the jewels was still unpleasant. “What’re you -- Oh!" Megamind’s breathing grew more fervent and his whole body began to tremble. “Don’t!” he hissed, “Stop it!”

“Hey,” said Wayne, not liking where this seemed to be headed. “Wake up buddy.”

“You can’t do this,” he said, his voice a mere whine, “I’ll tell! I’ll tell every --Oh God! You’re hurting me!”

Wayne grasped him by the shoulders and gave a gentle shake, but Megamind thrashed in his grip. “MINION!” he all but screamed and pushed himself off of Wayne and back against the arm of the couch. He blinked a few times, large wet eyes darting around the room, then swiped at his tear stained face with the sleeves of his costume. “Oh my,” he said, covering his mouth with one shaking hand, “how utterly embarrassing. I hope I didn’t … get any snot on you?”

Wayne shrugged and propped himself up on this elbows. “No worries,” he said. He gave Megamind a moment to collect himself, then asked; “You okay?”

“Just fine,” he said, wrapping his thin arms around himself, but his trembling lower lip and uneven breathing said otherwise.

“So,” asked Wayne, trying to lighten the mood, “did you and Minion have a fight or something?”

Megamind’s eyes became impossibly wider, his frown deepening. “Minion would never hurt me!” A tear spilled over and ran down his cheek and he wiped it on his shoulder.

“Hurt you?” asked Wayne grinning, “It sounded more like he was trying to play Hide the Salami.”

“Hide the -- ?” Megamind blinked a few times, then his mouth dropped open. “Oh God! What’s wrong with you?”

“Relax little buddy, I’m just joking.”

Megamind’s jaw worked a moment before he sputtered; “Excuse me?”

Wayne had the good sense to know he’s crossed a line, but despite the uncomfortable silence between them, or perhaps because of it, his mouth refused to shut up.

“Aw, I’m just playing with ya little buddy. But come on, are you telling me that the two of you have lived together this long and have never had a …” he rubbed his two index fingers together in a lascivious manner, “a sword fight?”

“A … a what? screeched Megamind, jumping to his feet. “If by ‘sword’ I can assume you mean … penis? Then perhaps it has slipped your notice that Minion is a fish and therefore doesn’t possess that type of reproductive equipment. Not to mention that what you are implying is beyond insulting and offensive.”

He snatched his cape from the back of the chair and marched to the door. Wayne got up and followed, spreading his hands and giving his most disarming grin.

“Hey, don’t be mad little buddy, I was just kidding.”

Megamind whirled around and planted a finger square in the middle of Wayne’s chest.

“Let’s get one thing straight here. I am not, never was and never shall be your ‘buddy.’ You’re just a big, spoiled, privileged brat and always have been. If you knew anything about me, you would know that this type of ‘joking’ isn’t funny. You can take that silver spoon you were born with and shove it up where the sun doesn’t shine.”

And with that he left, slamming the door behind him.
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Five Times Megamind Slept With Metro Man