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A Matter for Ma'at	By : Dreamwind Category: S through Z > Star Trek (2009) > Star Trek (2009) Views: 3352 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own or make profits from the Star Trek francise. The francise and it characters are the property of J.J. Abrams, Paramount Pictures and Gene Roddenberry.I make no profit from this work of fiction.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Chapter 3
2258-Post Narada; Day 1, USS Enterprise
Jim couldn’t help but think this whole operation had been one big clusterfuck. Why had Starfleet sent over half the fleet to Vulcan for a simple seismic event? If it was just an earthquake then they might need general aid or supplies but it wouldn’t need half the fleet to come rushing in. Had the Vulcan’s even really sent the message? Did Starfleet even try to verify it before sending them out? There were just too many questions running through Jim’s head. He didn’t like the feel of this at all. Nero’s fucked up digger had blocked their communications, so the only way a message could have been sent to Starfleet was if Nero sent it. Before Nero would have started to core into the planet there wouldn’t have been a seismic event to call about. If that was the case, and Nero called in the distress call then Starfleet fucked up big time. They had lost half the fleet because no one had bothered to look up examples of the “lightning storm in space” that the message had referenced. Nero had given them the fucking clue to know it was a trap and they had fucking ignored it! If they had taken even ten minutes to cross-reference in their own systems they would have found the documentation for the destruction of the USS Kelvin. It would have saved countless lives if they had known.
Jim closed his eyes and bowed his head, the palms of his hands pressing against his eyes. His eyes were burning and although he didn’t acknowledge it he could feel the heat of tears pouring out his eyes past his hands and sliding down his cheeks. He hurt everywhere. There were aches and pains gnawing at him both as dull throbbing and sharp, twisting pains. These physical pains were nothing though. Nothing compared to the grief twisting in his gullet. He had failed to save Amanda. She would never get to know her grandson and poor Gabriel would never get to know her. He had failed to save Vulcan and it’s people from near extinction. He had failed Spock and Sarek and Gabriel…He had failed. He was supposed to be a genius! So why hadn’t he been able to work out solution to save them, to save her before it was too late?
Jim let out a deep gasping breath, trying not to break down into any further tears. Even if he was alone in the observation deck now, that didn’t mean someone wouldn’t stumble in and see him. He was still the Acting Captain until they could make their way back to Earth. It didn’t matter how injured he was or that he was just a cadet like many of them, he was their leader until Pike was stable enough to take over. They needed their leader to be strong.
He was a wreck. He had no idea how he could continue as their Captain. He was just flying by the seat of his pants now that the immediate danger was gone. He had no idea how to reassure and comfort them about the losses that had left them all sobbing the moment their hands were free. He couldn’t even control his own grief, how could he help this crew through theirs? How could he help the Vulcans? God, they had lost everything!
He was going to fuck this up. Just like he fucked up everything else. It was going to take a week at maximum impulse to get to the closest Starbase and Bones had Pike knocked out. He had no one to turn to for help. Spock still couldn’t look at him and Uhura kept giving him looks of pity when she wasn’t actively giving him the stink eye. Maybe she was right. He was just some damn hick from Iowa pretending at something that was going to backfire right in all their faces. It was just sheer dumb luck his plan had worked to save Earth.
“You punish yourself unnecessarily, Captain.”
Jim looked up, startled at the sound of the smooth, controlled voice. “Ambassador…”
“You called me Sarek once. It would not be unseemly to do so again.” Sarek moved further into the room to where Jim sat in the shadows. “Is it acceptable for me to join you?”
“Yeah…yeah that’s fine. Take a seat.” Jim scooted over, making more room on the bench for the old Vulcan.
Sarek nodded and pulling his robes about him sat down next to Jim. “It has been many years since last we spoke.” Sarek turned to look at Jim, who blushed and nervously rubbed at his nose. “It is acceptable to see you have decided to live up to your potential.”
Jim looked away, out to the stars hovering beyond the transparent aluminum window. “I failed you…I failed all of them.”
“That would be a fallacy. You did what was in your power and beyond. That they could not all be saved is not any fault of your own.”
“But Amanda…”
“I shall miss my wife greatly but I know with certainty that she would not want you to feel as if her death was a fault of your own. We have survived and allowing ourselves the luxury of grief is acceptable but we cannot allow ourselves to lie about what has happened.” Sarek looked at Jim, his eyes locked onto Jim's, piercing straight through him. “I am proud of you. You have proven to be a fine Captain and if there is any logic in Starfleet they shall see their own faults in what happened on Vulcan and what you have achieved despite their mistakes. My people owe you a great deal. You shall always be welcome among us, James Kirk.”
“Thanks, Sir. Really.”
“Your thanks are not required. However, before I return to my Son’s rooms to meditate, I would request that you follow some advice.”
Jim looked up at Sarek as the Vulcan gracefully rose from the bench, brushing down his robes. Looking back down at him, Sarek raised an eyebrow at Jim’s expectant look. “Go to your Doctor friend and have him heal your wounds. The physical injures do nothing to aid you, they only remind you of what has happened. Let them be healed so that you will be prepared to accept the mental healing that my people can offer to you. When you are ready you may seek me out.”
“Uh…yeah, okay.”
Nodding at Jim’s acceptance, Sarek turned and strode towards the door. The whoosh of the door echoed in the dark little room as it closed behind him, leaving Jim alone with his thoughts once again. “Well, that was strange.”
Jim rubbed at his sore eye, winching at the sharp stab of pain as his fingers brushed over the wound. “Damn I should have told him…”
Sighing and rubbing his hands across his face again despite the pain, Jim scowled out at the stars. He had messed up again. That was apparently all he could do today. He had the perfect opportunity to talk to Sarek about Gabriel and he blew it. They had talked for maybe five minutes and Jim had been too stunned by Sarek’s approval of him to even think of mentioning that Sarek should come with Jim to meet Gabriel once they were back on Earth.
Leaning back against the wall, Jim looked back out to the stars. He imagined that he could still see the spot where Nero’s ship had been pulled into its death. He couldn’t really, but it made the ach in his heart less painful to think he could.
He wasn’t sure how long he sat there in the dark little room, lit only by the light of the stars. It had to have been hours. Hours and hours of thinking and rethinking, trying to find any other way he could have saved Vulcan from destruction. Playing out a countless game of ‘What Ifs…’ It wasn’t going to do him any good to think them over. Nero was as close to a true Kobayashi Maru as Starfleet had ever come. He had done his best, as Sarek had told him. They had won even as they lost.
Perhaps Spock would reprogram the sim after this? It might be better if he did. Making cadets face this situation where they were going to die no matter what they did, after having to face so many of their friends and classmates going through the real thing was just too harsh to bear. It would be more of a punishment than a learning tool. He thought about asking Spock if they could work on it together but the cold, almost calculating looks Spock gave him whenever he tried to talk to him about non-ship related matters made it very clear that Spock didn’t want to see him much less spend hours working with him.
If Spock’s cold shoulder wasn’t enough to make him back off, then Uhura screaming at him to back off of her boyfriend and to hope he could suck the Admirals cocks well enough to keep him in Starfleet after the incident on the Bridge, certainly was. He could almost understand why Uhura disliked him, but he couldn’t figure out why it seemed to fluctuate between casual dislike and open unconditional hatred. When she didn’t know he was around she was this crazy smart and kind woman, who reminded him a lot of Scott. She was someone he wanted to have like him, to be friends with. That obviously wasn’t going to happen. With the way things were he doubted he would ever have the chance to talk to Spock without Uhura around to bad mouth him into running away with his tail between his legs. The woman was scarier than a Klingon, when she wanted to be. And this time he wasn't sure he could blame her for hating him. He certainly hated himself enough right now for the both of them after what he did to Spock. If she really loved Spock as much as Jim did then she had every right to loath his existence.
Jim sighed loudly. He understood that Uhura lusted…maybe even loved Spock, but damn it! Spock deserved to know about his son. The way it was going though he would have to introduce Gabriel to his Grandfather before he could introduce him to his Father. That was just wrong. Spock deserved to know before Sarek, but as it stood, Sarek would be the only one who could get Spock away from Uhura long enough to inform Spock. Jim just hoped Sarek would be there to pry Spock off him again because he doubted Spock would appreciate Jim keeping Gabriel from him for so many years. Spock was a possessive guy as Jim remembered, but that possessiveness had been tempered by his kindness and protectiveness. Jim just hoped those qualities would protect him from the rage bubbling up in his K'diwa from the loss of his people and his Mother.
Closing his eyes Jim leaned back into the cool shadows curtaining off his little corner of the observation deck. He supposed he had time to figure out a way around Uhura. They still had a few days to go before they arrived at Spacedock. So stressing himself out about this could wait. Spock had spent nine years without Gabriel in his life, he could wait a little longer. At some point he knew his mind would stop turning over all the events that had happened in such a short amount of time and when that happened he planned to sleep for a good twelve hours. He just hoped that he could sleep without dreaming. That the look of abject horror on Spock’s face as he stood there on the transporter pad didn’t haunt him.
"Penny for your thoughts, Jimmy boy." Bones groaned as he lowered himself onto the seat next to Jim.
Jim didn’t need to open his eyes and look at the man who had walked into the room and slumped down on the seat next to him, to recognize him. After three years of rooming together Jim would know that voice anywhere. “I’m not sure they’re worth that much, Bones.”
Bones snorted and nudged Jim’s shoulder with his own. “Now I doubt that. If there is anyone whose thoughts would be worth a penny it would be yours.”
Jim smiled a glanced over at his closest friend. “I was thinking about what I could’ve done to save them and about how close I came to failing Earth and losing my son.”
Bones looked out over the stars, quietly thinking. “It would be a devastating loss for all of us. I don’t want ta’ think about our kids dying and us still being here. It’s a bit morbid.”
“Yeah, that it is.” Jim sighed and looked over at his friend. "How'd you find me?"
"Stumbled across Ambassador Sarek when I was heading to the Mess Hall." Bones shifted his back against the wall, grumbling when he couldn't find a comfortable place. "He reminded me that you were playin' hookie."
"I’m fine."
Bones snorted. "That I don't buy for a minute."
"Whatever."
"Don't you 'whatever' me, James Tiberius Kirk!" With snake-like speed Bones spun on the bench a jabbed a hypospray into Jim's neck.
"Fuck!" Jim grabbed his neck and stumbled off the bench. "What the hell was that for?"
Bones let a grin spread across his face, barring his teeth at Jim. "That was an immune booster. God only knows what you picked up on that ice moon or that God forsaken Romulan ship."
"Damn it, Bones! I really hate when you do." Jim rubbed his sore neck glaring his friend as he mumbled under his breath, "He's like a freakin' ninja. It’s so not right!"
Ignoring Jim's whining Bones looked out the window at the view that seemed to have enraptured his friend. It was beautiful to see if not also completely terrifying. Such a thin barrier between them and Death. He could barely stand glancing at it and wasn't sure he would ever understand how Jim could seemingly spend hours staring out into the cold depths of space. It was just one of those things he figured he would never understand about Jim. Just another secret to add to his list of questions about his best friend.
"So," Bones let the word flow out thick as honey with his southern drawl as he watched Jim reclaim his seat. "How're you knowing the green-blooded hobgoblins father?"
Jim looked away, plucking at the lint on his torn pants. "I met him before."
"Oh," now he was getting to something interesting. "Would you happen to have met him, say...nine years ago?"
The blush that rose up Jim's neck all the way to the tips of his ears was rather satisfying to see. "Maybe I don't quite remember."
"Ah, ah, ah," Bones wagged his finger at Jim, his smile growing wider at his friends obvious discomfort. "Fibbing is a nasty habit, Jimmy boy."
Running his hands through his short golden hair, Jim debated telling Bones the truth. He trusted Bones with his life, with Gabriel's life. But he had been keeping this secret for so many years now. It was hard to admit, to let anyone in on his great secret, even if Bones already knew most of it. After knowing Jim for all of five weeks as a roommate and fixing Jim up from several allergic reactions and tactical training classes, Bones had figured out that Jim was Subject X from Dr. Phlox's paper. His new friend knowing that Jim had been fully female and pregnant had been embarrassing, even more so since Bones had figured out that Jim had never fully reverted back to being male. God Bones had spent nearly an entire year studying Jim and his unusual genitals. Jim wasn't sure why Bones was so excited about his vagina and his penis coexisting and being fully functional if he had no desire to actually fuck Jim. It had weirded him out at first and still did on occasion. Of course Jim's physicals (which were only done by Bones or Dr. Phlox) were the closest thing to sex that his friend had had since his divorce.
Taking a deep breath, Jim decided to finally tell Bones everything. If his best friend having a dick and cunt didn't turn Bones off their friendship, then knowing Spock was Gabriel's father shouldn't. "Yeah it was nine years ago." Jim licked his lips and glanced over at Bones from under his lashes. "He was doing a road trip with his wife and Spock. Their car broke down and they stayed with me for a few days."
"And....? I believe you are leavin' something out of that tale."
"Yeah, that's the simple version. The complicated version is that Spock found out I was a 'girl' by walking in on me while I was taking my new body for a test drive."
Bones whistled, "And what, he just jumped you?"
Jim blushed red as he remembered that moment. Remembered the sight of Spock dripping wet and standing before him nude, the obvious lust in his dark gaze. "Yeah. He saw me and the next thing I know his fingers were knuckle deep inside me." Jim swallowed back a moan as a ripple of sensation flooded his body from the strong memory of that first touch. "Fuck, Bones...Spock was my first. Ever! And damn if he wasn't the best as well."
"And the Ambassador didn't mind you two gettin' it on?"
"Honestly, I don't think he knew. He might have suspected. I mean we were horny teens and not the slyest about our attraction either, but if he knew, I don't think he minded. He and Amanda never knew I was a girl at the time. I pretty much led them to believe I was a boy. Hell, I wouldn't have let Spock know I was a girl if he hadn't walked in on me."
Bones shook his head and clapped Jim on the knee. "Glad I'm not the one who needs to tell the Ambassador he's a grandfather...or does he already know?"
Jim sighed and looked back out at the stars. "I sent countless letters to Spock through the Consulate but never heard back. Even tried writing to Sarek once, but I never got a response. Personally, I don't think he knows. If Sarek did know...well, I'm sure he would have said something by now."
Bones hmm'd and looked back out at the stars as well, trying to figure out how to help Jim. It was a pickle of a situation he was in and Bones wasn't quite sure what to say. What did you say to your best friend when his child's Father tried to strangle him to death hours before? "Are you going to tell him?"
"Spock or Sarek?"
"Both I suppose."
"Yeah or at least I'm gonna try. I've tried to approach Spock about it but Uhura is like a rabid dog guarding her territory. I can't get within a hundred yards of Spock before she's there chasing me off. Honestly, I don't know what her problem with me is." Jim winched as he remembered his last attempt before he finally gave up and wondered here. "I think at this point I'll tell Sarek first and then he can talk to Spock."
Bones' lips pressed into a tight line. Jim had told him all about Uhura and his first meeting but even after hearing that he couldn't figure out why Uhura seemed so dead set against Jim. He had left he alone for the most part, their only interactions at the Academy being during the Kobayashi Maru simulation. Well, that and the one time she apparently walked in on Jim and Galia. And damn if Jim hadn't been embarrassed about that. Galia was probably the only other cadet who knew Jim had girly bits, and she had accepted that easily. Bones had always been grateful to her for that. But Uhura walking in and nearly seeing Jim’s biggest secret had freaked him out and Bones wasn’t sure how that would color his interaction with Uhura.
Glancing over at Jim, who once again seemed lost to the void on the other side of the hull, Bones thought Uhura was missing out on the potential for a great friendship. Perhaps she sensed something about Jim was different and was frustrated she didn't know what? Maybe it was that Jim had score higher than her in the two required xenolinguistics classes that Jim had to take as a command cadet? Maybe it was his test scores being higher on average than pretty much every cadet currently at the Academy? Or maybe she had seen something that made her think Jim was a threat to her 'relationship' with Spock? Bones didn't know and quite frankly none of them were a good reason for her negative treatment of Jim.
"That crazy Scotsman you brought back said he should have the blown circuits fixed sometime tonight so that we can contact Starfleet HQ again with an updated list of survivors."
"That's good," said Jim.
Bones watched Jim. He didn't like how dull Jim sounded right then. The stress, injuries and lack of sleep looked to be finally taking hold of him. "Why don't we head back to my room and you can crash on my bed."
"You need it more, Bones."
Bones snorted and stood up, stretching his arms up above his head. "As the new CMO of a ship filled with injured, panicky people I ain't gonna be sleeping tonight. So someone ought to use my bed. Consider it advance payment."
Jim blinked in confusion and looked up at Bones. "Advance payment for what?"
"All my time spent fixing the damn injuries you'll be gettin' when we graduate and for the vid chat with my daughter you'll be arranging for tomorrow when the Comm's are up."
Jim blinked again as he realized that once Scotty got the outgoing communication system up and working he would be able to talk to Gabriel. A wide smile stretched across his face and Jim near launched himself up from the bench in his excitement. With a whooping cry he pulled Bones into a tight hug, hiding his face in his friends neck as tears filled his eyes.
Smiling softly, Bones wrapped his arms around Jim, rubbing circles into his back. "I take it your gonna bump me behind you on the priority list to make a personal call?"
Jim let out a sound that was a cross between sob and laugh. He clutched tighter to Bones who leaned into Jim pressing his smile into Jim's neck. The room was filled with the sounds of their laughing sobs as they both let the joy if hearing their children's voices again, fill them. Unbeknownst to the two friends their quiet moment of peace was now being witnessed by someone who liked neither of them.
Uhura had been trying to find a quiet place to sit down and think about everything that had happened. To think about the loss of Vulcan, of her fellow cadets...of Galia who had been killed on the Faragot alone because Uhura had had to be on the Enterprise above all else. She needed to think about how to comfort Spock when he didn't seem to want her touching him anymore. To think about Kirk and how he had saved them all. It was too much to think on in her small bunk that had been filled to overflowing with other cadets and crewman who had given up their own quarters for the Vulcan refugees’ comfort.
She froze for a moment just inside the room as she caught sight of Dr. McCoy and Acting Captain Kirk (that just burned in her gullet) embracing each other in the dark room, the sight of them somehow softened in the eerie glow of the stars. She wasn't sure what to do. To stay or go, but she knew she didn't want them to see her. In the end her curiosity won out.
There had been a lot of rumors about Kirk and McCoy being in a sexual relationship but she had never given it much credence since she typically saw Kirk hanging off Galia...Fists clenching Uhura back into the shadows, her body hidden behind a large potted plant. She knew Kirk was a man whore but she had thought he at least had the decency not to cheat on any of his 'girlfriends.' Apparently she had been wrong. Kirk was obviously okay with cheating on her friend with his own fucking roommate! And a male one at that! Somehow the idea that he was fucking with McCoy on the side was worse than if he had been doing so with a woman. She didn’t know why that was and she didn’t care. Right now all she cared about was Kirk betraying Galia’s love.
"So what are you going to tell Gabriel when you comm him tomorrow," asked Bones.
Jim stepped out of Bones' arms and whipped at his eyes with the back of his hand, his face still aglow with his smile. "I have no idea, but hopefully my little angel will get to speak to his other Dad soon also."
"I'll cross my fingers for you, kid. Here's hoping that green-blooded hobgoblin listens for once."
Uhura narrowed her eyes, wondering what she was missing. It almost sounded like McCoy was saying Kirk had a kid? A kid with a Vulcan! She couldn't believe that. The only Vulcan Kirk would have had access to was her Spock and there was no way in HELL Spock had cheated on her with Jim. So he must have met another Vulcan at some point, but who? And how could he have a child with a male Vulcan? Kirk was hardly a woman and unlike some alien races, Vulcan males couldn’t become pregnant. So did that mean the Vulcan was old enough to have a child with a previous bondmate? Or did Kirk have an illegitimate child from one of his one-night-stands hidden somewhere? He was obviously embarrassed by the child if he went to so much trouble to keep the fact he had a kid quiet. Poor kid. It must suck to have Jim Kirk as a Dad.
“He certainly looks like your old Vulcan friend.” Bones gave Jim a sly look as Jim blushed and looked away.
“Yeah, they share a rather strong family resemblance.”
Bones snorted and pushed Jim towards the door, past where Uhura was hiding. “Come on, I still need to patch you up.”
“Aw, come on, Bones! I’m fine. It’s just a couple bruises.”
“Bruises my ass,” Bones snapped pushing Jim through the doorway as soon as the doors had whooshed open. “You most certainly have at least one broken rib and you’ll be lucky if the zygomatic bone by your eye didn’t break. I need to take more in depth scans, make sure you don’t have any internal bleeding-“
“Aw, Bones,” whined Jim.
“Grows some balls, Jimmy boy. Let’s go and you can give me the more in-depth scoop on Gabriel’s conception.” Uhura barely caught Dr. McCoy’s response before the door whooshed closed behind them.

*~*~*~*

Day 1, Officers Deck, USS Enterprise
It had been a mere 28 hours 33 minutes and 6 seconds since the Narada had been sucked into the black hole created by the exploding matter. It still left his mind feeling raw in places from where his parental bond to his Mother had been so violently ripped away and the salt in the wounds, as the humans said, was the thrum of his bond to his precious Jim pounding with renewed life. That bond had been silent, almost dormant, for over eight years and suddenly it had roared back to life in the wake of his people’s destruction. He didn’t know why. He only knew that since he had first laid eyes on Cadet, now Acting Captain, Kirk he had felt the bond stirring. But it had been there on the Bridge as his hand squeezed the life out of that golden throat that Spock had felt the bond flare inside him, screaming in the back of his mind.
If he was not positive that Cadet Kirk was male he would have thought that it was his K’diwa that had been beneath his hands in that moment. But Spock remembered clearly the feel of the strong planes of Cadet Kirks chest pressed against his own, the hot throb of hard flesh stretching the tight black pants, growing harder against his own groin. It was undeniable proof of the Cadet’s manhood. It mattered not if the feel of that body pressed against his own set his blood to burning as it had nine years ago for his K’diwa. His body had not burned, had not ached to his very katra, like that for anyone since he had laid eyes upon her, until he had touched Cadet Kirk. He would have to meditate on the matter. Perhaps upon deeper study of his own mind he would locate the answers he needed to complete this new puzzle.
Ensuring his pace did not waver Spock continued down the corridor to where his quarters were located. He would spend the next 5 hours in deep meditation sorting through his memories of the last day, working through the emotions that had so compromised him that he had nearly allowed his Mother’s and Jim’s, homeworld to be destroyed. It was the last link he had to her and he could not, would not allow anyone to tear that away from him as Nero had torn away Vulcan.
The doors opened and closed behind him with a soft whoosh, the heat of his room rolling over him in palpable waves. Spock allowed himself 2.35 seconds to enjoy the standard Vulcan temperature of his rooms before walking directly to where his meditation mat and candles had been stored upon boarding the starship. They were very clearly wrapped in the traveling case, his Yeoman having more important matters to tend to upon their hasty departure from Earth than unpacking his belongings. With smooth efficient movements Spock unwrapped the necessary items, storing the traveling case away before setting up the candles and the mat in the center of his seating area.
With only the soft glow of the candles to light the room, Spock allowed himself to be seated in the proper position on the mat. Slowly and with great care he began to focus on his breath, the way it entered into his body, filling his lungs, expanding his chest, before he let it flow back out of him. For several minutes this was all he did and as his body and mind relaxed into the careful rhythm he began to sort through the damage done to his mental barriers, noting areas that would need to be repaired or strengthened. After all the damage had been noted Spock began to delve deeper into his mind, flowing backwards through his day, sorting out the memories and the emotions. He would need to catalogue them all before he could regulate them to the proper place in his mind and begin to rise out to fix his mental barrier.
// “Did you see his ship? Do you see what he did?”
“Yes, of course I did.”
“So, are you afraid or aren't you?”
“I will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion.” Spock wanted to growl, to press forward until they were touching, until he could feel the beat of Cadet Kirk’s heart against his chest.
Once again Cadet Kirk stepped forward, until they were indeed touching. Chest to chest and groin to groin. “Then why don't you stop me?”
Spock felt his body responding, growing hard and throbbing, his heart pounding in his side and the strangely familiar feel of Cadet Kirk’s body pressed against his own. He had never met Cadet Kirk prior to the Cadet taking the Kobayashi Maru sim for the third time, but each time he looked at the Cadet he felt as if he should know him. As if he had known him for a lifetime and beyond. More than a little uncomfortable Spock glanced away from the Cadet’s hypnotic eyes. “Step away from me, Mister...”
“What is it like not to feel anger or heartbreak or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?”
Shaking with desire and fury both Spock tried again to make the Cadet move back. “Back away from me...”
Anger now flashing like a storm through the cadet’s eyes he yelled back at Spock, pressing his body even closer. “You feel nothing! It must not even compute for you! You never loved her! You abandoned her! You left her as and never came back!” //
Even now hours later the words haunted him. He did not understand how Acting Captain Kirk had known exactly what to say to emotionally compromise him so badly that he would resort to physical violence. It seemed out of the bounds of possibilities that one Human male could so greatly alter the course of the day, of the future of the Federation as a whole and yet he had. He had seen possibilities that Spock had not even considered as a small percentage of a chance of working. He had succeeded in ways that Spock could never have done. Spock’s short lived Captaincy was, as his Jim would say, an ‘epic fail.’
It was beyond all of that though. Spock realized that besides the anger, the grief, the embarrassment and the rage, Acting Captain Kirk had inspired in him a wild lust that Spock had only felt once before. Even the emotion though was overwhelmed by the way Acting Captain Kirk had looked at him. Those blue eyes, just like Jim’s, piercing him, seeing past all his barriers to the where the fault in his careful Vulcan barriers lay. Those eyes had cut through him, washed over him and held a depth of knowledge the Cadet didn’t have any right to. They looked at him and held the truth of him in their cobalt depths.
// The room was silent, no one able to speak at the sight of Captain Spock’s raw grief. It was only one loss out of billions but somehow it hit them all much harder. His hand, which had been outstretched, reaching desperately for his Mother dropped to his side. She was beyond his reach, lost to the swirling darkness that was consuming his planet, his home.
He blinked, fighting for his controls. He was surrounded by the Council of Elders, by his crewmates…by Cadet Kirk. He would not, could not allow himself to show himself as anything but emotionless, as Vulcan. He did not dare let them see how wounded her death had left him.
“Spock…”
The words were so soft he almost did not think they were real, but the soft sound of shifting fabric and the light ‘thunk’ of booted feet stepping forward, made him lift his head. Cadet Kirk was there, his blue eyes full of grief, of a loss that he shouldn’t feel. Cadet Kirk was not Vulcan. He did not know anyone on Vulcan but he was looking at Spock as if he KNEW, as if he was just as badly wounded by Amanda Grayson’s death as Spock was. //
Perhaps he did know her but not in the way Spock would think. He was not blind. He could see the physical resemblance between his Jim and Acting Captain Kirk. He was not certain but he had formed a hypothesis that Acting Captain Kirk was Jim’s brother, the one who had run away from home. Of course if that was the case Spock was unsure how to deal with Acting Captain Kirk. He did not think he could be friends with the person who had abandoned his K’diwa to that empty house. And yet there was a niggling doubt at the back of his mind. Something telling him he did not yet have all the correct facts, that without them he would not come to the correct and logical conclusion. He would not act, not yet. Acting Captain Kirk shared so many physical similarities but he did not look as if he was the boy who had been in the last family portrait on the wall by the stairs at Jim’s home. That child had had darker hair and the eyes…the eyes were not the correct color either. Perhaps, then Acting Captain Kirk was a cousin rather than the brother? If so he…if so then Acting Captain Kirk would know why Jim had never responded to any of the letters he had sent through the Consulate to her. He could tell Spock what had happened to her after he had left. Had she gone to college as she had told Spock she wanted to? Did she stay on the farm instead, working her family land? Had she found someone else, someone…human?
“There was a saying your Mother was found of asking in times such as this.”
Spock opened his eyes, blinking his inner eyelid to clear his vision of the sudden light of the candles. His father was seated across from him, at the small desk, watching him with strangely heavy eyes. “As she would say…A penny for your thoughts?”
Spock cocked an eyebrow at his Father, surprised by the way his Father was watching him. By the actual emotion in those stern dark eyes. In all his life he could not remember once seeing his Father express an emotion so openly outside of the Pon Farr. And that was not a memory that Spock was comfortable remembering.
“I did not perform at the level of competency that I know I am capable of achieving. My failure to live up to the expected standards of a First Officer of Starfleet has cost our people our homeworld. I have made us an endangered species.”
Sarek tilted his head slightly, gazing at Spock past the flickering light of the candles, his dark eyebrow arching up to his hairline. “Fascinating. I did not think you truly capable of such a Human reaction.”
Spock flinched and looked back down to where his hands were clenching into fists.
“It reminds me very much of your Mother. It is a trait that you share with her.”
Spock looked up, confused. Was his Father insulting him and his human emotions or was he trying to somehow compliment Spock? He knew his Father would never say anything negative about his Mother. His Father had, after all, told him that he loved her.
“She was prone to an illogical need to blame the failings of others, or matters outside of her control, upon herself. It is a behavior that you have learned and it is one that you need to let go of. As all of this crew, yourself included, has done more than could be expected of them in such a situation as this, your need to cast blame for the loss of our people upon yourself is illogical. You must allow yourself time to grieve for your Mother as is proper for her people and after you shall speak with a mindhealer in order to properly understand that the destruction of Vulcan is not your fault.”
Sarek stood and moved to sit next to Spock on the meditation mat. “I am proud to call you my son, Spock. You do your people and your clan proud.”
Spock blinked, unsure what to make of his Father. He had never fully understood his Father and even now after the revelation that he had married Spock’s Mother out of love, Spock found himself even more confused. Sarek was an enigma as complex as Spock’s emotional attachment to a Human girl he had only known for three short days and to the conundrum that was Acting Captain Kirk. He did not know if he would ever understand his Father.
His Father’s dark eyes continued to watch him, patient as always to see what Spock’s response would be. Spock inclined his head to his Father, unsure what to say in response. In all his experience he had never before been placed in a situation such as this.
“He is a fascinating Human. It is to all of our benefit that you were able to overcome your emotions and learn to work with him.”
“You speak of James Kirk,” inquired Spock.
“Indeed. The two of you appear well matched. Should you choose to do so, serving alongside James Kirk would do well for the both of you.”
“May I pose a query?”
“Indeed,” Sarek nodded at his son. Spock was a bright boy and it would not take much to remind him that it had not been that long ago that he had called James Kirk “friend.”
“You speak of Acting Captain Kirk as if you knew him–“ The sound of the door chime interrupted him and Spock turned to look at the door, doing his best to force back the sigh that wanted to escape at the sound. The door chimed again and Spock looked back to his Father who nodded. Their conversation would have to wait.
“Enter,” Spock replied knowing the computer would recognize the vocal activation code to open the doors.
Placing his hand on the floor, Spock pushed himself smoothly into a standing position, reaching out to clasp his Father’s arm to help him rise. Sarek gave his son a grateful nod and moved to stand by Spock’s desk.
The door had already opened by the time Spock had turned around and standing there in the warm yellow light from the hall was Uhura. She had been an important factor in Spock remaining as calm as he had since the destruction of his homeworld and the death of his Mother. She was one of the few Humans that he knew who had accepted him as he was. She was an excellent student, although she did have a tendency to be dangerously self-focused at times, but Spock was sure that as she became older and more experienced she would no longer feel as driven to prove herself better than all her peers. Once she had learned that she was as efficient and affective a Communications Officer as any Captain could dream of having on staff, Spock was sure her confidence would even out and the emotional issues that he had witnessed in her would resolve. But right now he could be nothing but grateful, though he would never admit to the emotion, that she had sought him out. She was one of the few beings that he had cause to call a friend and she had taken a great deal of effort upon her shoulder in the last few hours trying to help him regain his control, to offer him comfort as his Mother always had with warm hugs and gentle kisses.
“Nyota.” Spock nodded to her and she smiled up at him and stepped far enough into the dark room for the door sensors to finally allow the door to close behind her.
“I know it is late and that the both of you are in need of meditation, but I was hoping you might have some time free to talk with me.”
Sarek moved to pick up one of the PADDs off the desk and moved to pass Spock and Uhura. Stopping at his son shoulder, Sarek spoke softly, “I shall leave the cabin to you. I will need to meet with Dr. McCoy in regards to the medical needs of the other refugees.”
“Very well.” Spock watched his Father leave before turning back to Uhura, ushering her further into the room as he moved to take his Father’s place at his desk. “Computer. Lights at forty percent.”
The chair at his desk was as new as everything onboard had been merely a day ago. And yet it still appeared as untouched as it must have been upon first being placed behind the desk. It bore none of the scars that Spock, the crew and the Enterprise itself now bore. Looking at it he very much desired to throw it across the room, to bend and twist it out of shape until it was unrecognizable. He would not. He was in control and would not lapse again. Pushing the fiery snake of anger deeper down he pulled out the chair and lowered himself into its leather embrace. It creaked slightly as his weight shifted but Spock ignored it and looked back up at Uhura who was standing at the edge of his desk watching him with a strange look…some emotion he was sure he should recognize but didn’t.
The silence stretched between them, flickering from something comfortable to something that was causing the hairs on the back of his neck to rise as if a great desert storm, a grazhiv-sahriv was on the horizon. There was something in her eyes that made Spock leery of why she had come to him. She was one of the few that he considered a friend, that he knew took pleasure in being in his company and that was such a novel change. He had never had that with his peers when on Vulcan or even when he first arrived on Earth. He had been too Human for his Vulcan classmates but still too Vulcan for the Humans. The only people that had ever looked upon him and merely saw him had been his Mother, his K’diwa, Captain Pike and Uhura. He was grateful for all of them and what their presence in his life meant. And now one of them was dead, another missing, another critically injured and the last…well she was standing here looking at him as Jim had looked at him but with a much sharper edge to it.
Uhura pushed her ponytail back over her shoulder, a flicker of lust sparking in those dark eyes as she inched closer to him and gently pushed the pile of PADDs across the desk so that she could seat herself on the edge of the desk. Spock watched her, curious and a little exhausted. He was ready to complete his meditation and go to sleep but first he would see what kind of emotional reassurance she was seeking. She had given it to him when he had need of it and although her gaze was sparking an uncomfortable feeling in his side, he would not abandon her. He would wait for her to speak when she was ready.
Her head tilted as she looked at him. Her eyes moving along the planes of his face, sweeping across his slanted brows, down his nose, lingering over his mouth and jaw before trailing back up his cheekbones, over his pointed ears and into his hair. He watched her as her hand lifted, slowly reaching out to brush his bangs back from his forehead.
“I was so scared today. Watching everything happen, knowing I couldn’t do anything but sit on the sidelines.” Uhura licked her lips and let her thumb stroke over temples. “Then you went running off with Kirk and…” Uhura closed her eyes, swallowing thickly before letting out a shuddering breath. “God, Spock, I didn’t think you were going to come back. You were going to die there alongside Kirk on one of his hair-brained, half-baked ideas and I didn’t know what to say to convince you not to go!”
“You need not think on it as my choice had been made. I would not have allowed you to sway me from my chosen course.”
Uhura’s fingers trembled against his cheeks, brushing occasionally over a meld point, sending a slew of raging emotions at him like a river of broken glass and acid. He wanted to step back out of the reach of her hands, but she was confiding in him. As a Vulcan he could not offer her the same level of comfort that he knew she needed in such an occasion, but if she had sought him out rather than one of her peers or Dr. McCoy, then he was obligated to assist to the best of his abilities.
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” Uhura let out another shuddering breath, a few tears tumbling out from beneath her dark lashes. “How could you do that? Just leave me so easily?” Uhura looked up then, her eyes meeting his. “I needed you, Spock.”
Spock watched her, unsure how to answer. The conversation was confusing as if he was only hearing half of it…as if he was missing some key element that would make her words have a true meaning. “I do not understand. I was not leaving you. I was doing my duty as an officer in Starfleet. The needs of the many-“
“Shut up!” Her voice was harsh, the edges of the words heavy with emotion. “God, Spock, don’t you love me at all?”
Spock blinked. Several prior instances between them playing out before his eyes within a new set of parameters. He had not understood and that appeared to be a fault that was going to cause considerable upset to his friendship with Cadet Uhura. “I do not.”
Her hands slipped to rest on his shoulders, squeezing them in a manner that would likely cause pain to a lesser being. “That whole ‘I’m Vulcan, we don’t have emotions’ bullcrap isn’t going to work, Spock. I know you feel! You wouldn’t have gone down there for her if you didn’t.”
Spock tried not to flinch at the sudden mention of his Mother and his failed attempt to save her. “I did not mean to infer that I did not love you because I am Vulcan. I simply meant what I said. I do not love you.” Spock stood, stepping out from under her hands and further into the room, away from the desk. “You are an able student. One with a high probability of having a career in xenolingustics that could rival any other in Starfleet history, and you are a fine example of humanity. A friend that I…treasure, greatly.”
“Please, Spock…” Uhura stood up quickly moving to his side, reaching to try and pull him close, her breath brushing against his lips before he could pull back. “I don’t understand. I thought…I thought you loved me? Why are you doing this? How can you dump me now? You need me!”
Spock stepped back further, letting his Vulcan control rise back up, closing off the warmth that had been in his eyes. “I am not dumping you, Cadet Uhura. To ‘dump you’ as the Human expression goes, we must first have been dating.”
Uhura flinched as if struck, stumbling back from him. “I don’t understand…I don’t…We’ve been dating for months now! How can you say we aren’t dating? What about the trip to the Museum and the dinner at Shi-yem?”
“A reward for the hard work you put into for your paper on the comparative linguistic harmonics of the Vulcanoid languages.”
The look of hurt in her eyes darkened as she looked back up at him, glaring. “Then why in Hell did you kiss me? If you don’t love me, why kiss me? Why let me kiss you?”
Spock looked at her, allowing a bit of his confusion to show through. “I do not understand. Is a kiss not an acceptable form support in an emotionally devastating circumstance?”
Uhura’s hands fisted at her sides, the knuckles going white as she tried to fight back her emotions. She wanted to slap him. To scream and curse at him for being an ass, for foolishly letting her go. Who else did he have? What other woman knew him and would love him as she loved him? She could hardly believe it. She had let herself love him because he was Vulcan, because he was safe and smart and he had a future! He was everything she could want and she didn’t understand why she wasn’t what he wanted. He wouldn’t hurt her like a human man would. And yet…yet that was what he was doing. “If you didn’t love me how could you lead me on? I thought…Jesus, Spock, I thought that you of all people wouldn’t do this to me. But you’re no better than that bastard Kirk and every other Mother Fucking guy out there!”
“I was unaware that you harbored such emotional attachments to me. You of all people should have been aware that I could not ‘date’ you. Not only because you are my student and such a relationship would be entirely unethical, but also because as a major in Xenolinguistics you had to take the basic Xenoanthropology courses that would have gone over Vulcan culture.” Spock watched her as his words only seemed to enrage her further. “As a Vulcan I was bonded as a child. I have a ko-kugalsu already and as such I am unable to enter into a romantic relationship with another.”
Her bottom lip jutted out, trembling ever so slightly as tears filled the corners of her eyes. As the tears began to drip down her cheeks, Uhura decided that even if he reprimanded her she was in the right to let him know exactly what she thought of him. Storming up to him she glared at him before snapping her hands out and striking him across the cheek hard enough to force his head to look to the side. “I was wrong. You’re worse than Kirk. At least he’s honest with himself and his Vulcan lover about being a manwhore.”
Spock blinked, unsure if it was the slap to his face or Cadet Uhura’s claim that Acting Captain Kirk had a Vulcan for a lover. He wanted to ask her how she knew that about the Captain, but realized that it would not be wise. Instead he stood quietly by as Cadet Uhura stormed out of his cabin, cursing him in all three dialects of Romulan.
“Fascinating.”

*~*~*~*

Day 1, Sickbay, USS Enterprise

Sarek was silently impressed with the efficiency of the Enterprise crew. They were working on almost no sleep and with limited materials and yet every crewmen he passed was hard at work making repairs. Their dedication was impressive. So he stopped and spoke with several as he made his way through the corridors to Sickbay and Dr. McCoy’s office. The wide range of skills each seemed to possess and their willingness to speak with him to explain in more detail what they were doing and where they were from impressed him. Although the majority of the crew was Human he found several other races mixed in and working with the Human flawlessly. This crew seemed to work well within the Vulcan philosophy of IDIC, perhaps even better than his own people did. Every able-bodied crewman was helping even when he or she was not an engineer. The corridors were a riot of primary colors as he got closer to where Sickbay was located. From what he could gather that area of the ship had sustained heavy damage and nearly a quarter of the medical staff had been killed in the initial part of the battle, including the original CMO. If this was true then Dr. McCoy was doing a remarkable job treating both the injured crewmen and the refugees that had been beamed onboard while Acting Captain Kirk and his son had been destroying Nero’s drill.
The door to Sickbay was warped and twisted in its frame, trapped partially open and making entry into the room difficult. However, Sarek noticed three engineering techs working on it. Their faces were hidden behind safety goggles and welding masks as they worked to straighten the door enough to allow the tech working on the panel next to the door to get the door to open and close correctly. Sarek paused to watch them for 4.35 minutes before approaching one and carefully requesting to be allowed entrance.
The one wearing the welding mask lifted it up as he turned off the torch and turned to face Sarek. Sarek’s eyebrow arched up as he took in the sight of the golden furred Caitian. By his species standards he was a handsome male, broad shouldered, with narrow waist and faint honey colored strips in his fur and with rather striking green eyes. The Caitian smiled up at him before moving out of the way, nodding at Sarek as he placed his hand on the bulkhead and slipped through the narrow opening into Sickbay.
Sarek did not look back at the Caitian, even though he was intrigued. He said nothing to the Caitian and the Caitian said nothing to him as he passed through into the other room. Although Sarek was the Vulcan Ambassador he had only met one other Caitian, also a male. Their meeting had been nothing more than a brief introduction at a diplomatic event and although the feline type humanoid was unusual he had not thought much of the other male during, or after, their brief meeting. Somehow Sarek was sure he would think back on this example of the Caitian people in the future.
Inside Sickbay it was a prime example of the Human propensity for controlled chaos. Nurses and doctors were running around the large room from patient to patient treating all manner of injuries without the slightest look of fear. Many of them looked rumpled, their cloths beginning to small of the strong scent of sweat. Something that Sarek should have realized was likely as the Medical teams had been working overtime. Dr. McCoy had briefly mentioned to him, when he found the man on the way to the Mess Hall, that the Medical team were rotating four hour sleeping breaks between shifts in order to stay as alert as possible while still treating the vast number of ill or injured passengers.
A blond nurse to his right finished bandaging up a red shirted Human male’s arm, detailing instructions to him before waving him out of Sickbay. The Human looked startled as he noticed Sarek standing there watching and blushing the young man rushed past him and out through the still broken doorway. Looking away from the injured Human Sarek approached the blond nurse, gently clearing his throat to get her attention.
“Oh! Hello there,” the nurse gave him a once over, looking for any obvious injuries and finding none she looked at him questionly. “How can I help you, sir?”
“Has Dr. McCoy returned from his meal break? I require twenty minutes of his time in order to assist him in handling the medical needs of the other Vulcans.”
“Okay then,” the nurse glanced around the room. “I saw him come back about five minutes ago but he’s not out on the floor so he should still be in his office with Captain Kirk. You can go on back. It’s just past bay 5, around that corner there,” she said pointing past the rushing chaos of the room.
Sarek nodded. “My thank, Nurse.”
“Chapel,” the blond woman brushed a long strand of hair from her face. “It’s Nurse Chapel. If you need anything and can’t locate Dr. McCoy or Dr. M’Benga just ask for me and I can help you, sir.”
“Very well.” Sarek turned away from the woman as she was grabbed by another nurse to assist with another patient, covered in burns along his left arm and shoulder. Sarek found himself impressed with how controlled the young woman was. She seemed nearly Vulcan in that moment, no fear or grief lingering in her eyes, just the knowledge of what she was facing and what she needed to do to fix it.
The room Nurse Chapel had directed him to was easy to find. There was a large scorch mark on one wall where a panel had set aflame during the attack but otherwise this small side corridor was untouched. There were two offices along the right wall and what looked to the quarantine room and the Captain’s private recovery room on the left, both of which had large windows opening into the hall facing the offices. Sarek assumed it was to allow the CMO and his second to more easily monitor the rooms.
Although the doors to both offices were closed Sarek was able to faintly hear the sound of voices, both of which he recognized, coming from the room at the end of the hall. Making his approach he stopped outside the door and pressed at the chime by the name plate to signify that he was awaiting entry. He did not have to wait long however, for the door to open upon the haggard form of Dr. McCoy. The human, if possible, looked even more exhausted than he had two hours ago. The man’s eyes were shadowed by the dark rings, the whites of his eyes were bloodshot, his hair sticking up in strange places and flattened in others and his cloths were rumpled as if he had fallen asleep in them. Not a very impressive image for the CMO of the Federations flagship, however Sarek understood that the situation was not ideal for any of them. The doctor had been working nearly non-stop to ensure the best health possible for the surviving crew and the refugees under his care. As such his lapse in personal hygiene could be excused.
“Ambassador,” Dr. McCoy blinked at him, his voice laced with confusion. “What can I do for ya?”
“I have come to speak with you in reguards to any requests for information you will need in order to effectively treat the Vulcans under your care.”
“Alright.” Dr. McCoy stepped out of the doorway, waving Sarek into the large office. “Have a seat.”
Dr. McCoy scowled at the figure spread out over the couch, pushing on it until, with a startled cry, the blond figure landed on the floor. Sarek raised an eyebrow at the not so unexpected sight of James Kirk. He had recognized the voice and had been pleased to realize that Dr. McCoy had taken his advice to locate the young Captain and that James had also listened and allowed the doctor to heal his wounds. His wife would be most displeased with him if he did not ensure the young man’s continued health. She had, after all, been found on the boy they had meet.
“James Kirk.”
Jim blushed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Hi, Mr. Sarek.”
“It is good that you had the doctor heal your wounds.”
“Yeah, well he didn’t leave me much of a choice in the matter.” Jim chuckled lightly. He didn’t mind his friend or Mr. Sarek showing their affection by worrying over his health. He didn’t think he would ever get used to having so many people in his life who cared enough about him to worry about his health. “If you need to talk to Bones…uh, Dr. McCoy?”
Sarek let his eyebrow arch up again. “I came to inquire what type of medical information he required to continue to assist the Vulcans onboard. Once I have that I can have the necessary information loaded onto a PADD for him.”
“Oh,” Jim glanced down and then quickly over to Bones. If he had hoped that the old Vulcan had come to see him again, well he wasn’t going to say it out loud how much it hurt that he hadn’t.
“Oh for,” Bones cried out before grabbing Jim’s arm and hauling him to his feet. Bones turned to look over at Sarek, thrusting Jim towards him. “Take him somewhere other than here and talk for Christsake! There’s somethin’ Jimmy boys been meaning to tell you.”
Sarek glanced at James who was blushing a deep red color and appeared to be attempting to look anywhere but at Sarek. “Indeed? Is there a location you would prefer to use, James?”
“Uh…I guess we could use Bones’ cabin.” Jim glanced over at his friend for approval before turning to lead Sarek out of the office.
The walk out of sickbay and back to the Officer’s Deck was a quiet one. Jim was too nervous about the upcoming conversation to say anything and Sarek as a Vulcan did not participate in small talk. The two walked shoulder to shoulder with but a foot of space keeping them from touching. Everyone they passed saluted Jim with wide smiles, some even slapping him on the back and saying words of thanks. It was embarrassing getting thanked for stealing Command away from Spock while Spock’s father was standing next to him. It made Jim very grateful to finally arrive at the door to Bones’ cabin so that they could go inside and he could hide away from all the uncomfortable congratulations, even if it meant telling Sarek the truth about nine years ago.
“I’m not really sure where to begin. It’s kind of a long story.” Jim grimaced and ran his hands through his hair.
“Then the beginning would be best.”
“Okay. Whoo boy…” Jim moved to sit down on his desk. “You might want to sit down.”
Sarek nodded and moved to sit in the desk chair, calmly watching as Jim jumped up and began to pace around the small room. “So…nine years ago…uh…I was a girl.”
Again Sarek raised an eyebrow at him. “Indeed?”
Jim sighed. He thought the eyebrow thing on Spock was pretty cute but on Sarek it was a little annoying. “There was this accident in our Chemistry class and some of the chemicals were switched out with some experimental chemicals from Torinx Prime and from what they think was one the Orion colonies near the boarder. Anyway, uh…I was a girl when you guys stayed with me. Well, uh, I wanted to explain to Spock first, but uh…he won’t really talk to me and Uhura keeps chasing me off.”
“If you do not wish to tell me-“
“No it’s not that. I mean I don’t even know if you already know all of this. I sent letters just like you said I could, explaining all of this but no one ever wrote back. I just assumed that either Spock read them and decided he didn’t want me in his life anymore or maybe Mrs. Amanda or you saw them and decided it for him.”
Sarek’s eyebrows dropped low, frown lines appearing between his eyes. “No letters were ever delivered to our home from you.”
“Oh, well, that certainly explains why no one ever wrote back.”
“You never received any of the letters Spock sent to you?”
“No.” Jim turned around to look at Sarek. “He sent me letters?”
“Indeed. He sent one through the consulate every 30 days.”
“Okay well, if neither of us was getting the letters…”
“Then someone must have intercepted them.”
“Lovely. So uh, I guess that can be dealt with later. You probably still want to know why I told I was a girl before?”
“Indeed. You say this as if you are not a girl now.” Sarek glanced quickly over Jim’s body, taking in the narrow waist and broad shoulders.
“Well, not so much a girl as a hermaphrodite. Spock and I kinda’ did something we shouldn’t have.”
“You engaged in carnal relations.”
Jim’s head snapped up, a blush rising again. “Uh, yeah, we did. I didn’t think you knew.”
The corners of Sarek’s lips twitched briefly upwards. “It was hard not to pick up the scent of your pheremones.”
“Oh God!” Jim dropped his face into his hands. “That’s so embarrassing.”
“James.”
“Ok, ok. Well, we had sex and uh I kinda got…well…pregnant. And so I never changed all the way back to being a boy.”
Jim looked over at Sarek, who was sitting back in the chair, hands steepled before him. For a long few minutes Sarek didn’t say anything, just looked at Jim. “I have a grandchild.”
“A grandson, actually.”
Sarek looked up at Jim. “”Would you permit me the opportunity to meet him once we have returned to earth?”
“Sure. I know Gabriel would love to meet you. I’ve told him all about you and Mrs. Amanda and Spock, or at least what I knew of you from your stay.” Jim stood suddenly and ran over to where a cot had been placed in the corner and began sorting through the pockets of his ruined Starfleet issue blacks. “I have a picture of him and his cousin Peter here if you’d like to see him.”
Sarek stood and moved to Jim’s side, his hand raising up to touch the picture only to freeze above Jim’s own. Jim smiled and handed the battered picture over.
Sarek looked down at the small paper square in his hand. His fingers reached over and carefully traced the image. It was a lovely image of a young red headed boy in a white and green uniform and next to him was his grandson. He could not be anyone else. He was shorter than the human boy by a few inches and his hair was just as dark a black as Spock’s but he had James’ brilliant blue eyes. He had a wide smile on his face and was looking past the other boy to the camera.
“His name is Gabriel,” asked Sarek.
“Gabriel Erestor Kirk.”
A small smile played over Sarek’s lips as he realized the child had Amanda’s nose. “He is perfect.”

AN: Vulcan Translations

1) Grazhiv-sahriv: sandstorm; a cloud of sand driven violently by the wind; a strong wind carrying clouds of sand and dust through the air

2) Shi-yem: dining room; a room to eat meals in (In the case of the fic Shi-yem is the name of a Vulcan resturant in San Fran.)

3) Ko-kugalsu: fiancée; a woman to whom a man is engaged to be married; feminine of fiancé
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A Matter for Ma'at