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More Than Darkness	By : SaMe Category: M through R > Once Upon A Time In Mexico Views: 4591 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the movie that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 36
- 37
- 38
This is a crossover smutty story featuring the character of
Tess/Salida ie Tess' Voice in Neon Dasies' OUATIM fics on ff.net, More Than
Eyes Alone Can See, and More Than Life,
and Sands/Jeffrey from Merrie's OUATIM fic on ff.net, Darkness Rising. This story
will make some sense, probably, if you read it without having read either of
our stories, but it'll make a hell of a lot more if you just read them. They're
all worth reading, we promise. ay, ay, on with the show.
Rated for what has happened, and what might happen. We�re really not quite sure ourselves. On with the story.

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Salida didn�t know how long she slept, or what woke
her. What she did know was what hadn�t woke her, and that was
Jeffrey. Her first thought upon opening
her eyes was perhaps she hadn�t slept for that long. Her second was that she had. Jeffrey was
watching her with an unreadable look on his face, as if he
were lost deep in thought.
�Lover?� Was everything alright? Had he caught something in Hawaii? �Are you feeling alright? You're not sick, are you?�
�What? No, I�m not sick. At least I don�t think I am. Why?� he asked cautiously, as if she was
seeing something he didn�t.
�Well . . . how
long did I sleep?�
Jeffrey
shrugged. �A few hours.�
�You didn�t wake me
up.� That happened so rarely that she
was amazed. �You�ve been gone and you
didn�t wake me up.�
�No, I didn�t. I . . . wanted to, but I couldn�t. You fucking needed the rest. And I like watching you sleep,� he explained
softly.
You didn�t
want to. I�m fat. �That was nice of you,� she murmured, turning
her head to supposedly look at the clock on her side of the bed. In reality, she didn�t want him to see the
hurt in her eyes.
Jeffrey heard the
tone in her voice and frowned.
�What? What is it? I thought you needed the rest. I�m fucking sorry if I upset you,� he said,
growing more confused with each word. He
thought he had been doing something right.
Why the fuck did she seem upset then?
�You always wake me
up. And now after days away, you
didn�t.� Her voice was soft and
non-accusing, but no less powerful for that.
�I was trying to be
fucking considerate!� He wasn�t yelling,
but his voice was definitely louder than it had been. He couldn�t understand her. He had done the right thing and now they
seemed to be fighting over it. What the
fuck had he done wrong?
�Don�t yell at me,�
she whispered. �Just because you don�t
want me ��
�What the fuck are
you talking about? Of course I fucking
want you? Where the fuck did you get
that idea?� He was yelling at her, but
he wasn�t angry. Exasperated and
confused, yes, but not angry. �Just
because I decided to let you sleep so I could fucking watch over you for awhile
doesn�t mean that I don�t fucking want you, vixen. The day I fucking stop wanting you is the day
when I fucking take my last breath. And
even then, I�ll still probably fucking want you.�
�But you didn�t
wake me up.� She sounded as confused as
he felt.
�No, I didn�t. I fucking woke up next to you, fully fucking
intending to, but I stopped myself and just watched. I must have fucking watched you for an
hour. Yeah, I like to wake you up and
have my wicked way with you. That hasn�t
changed. But . . . I wanted to watch you
sleep.�
She turned back to
him. �You still want me?�
�I never fucking
stopped, Salida,� he said softly, reaching out a hand to run his fingertips
along her cheek slowly, never taking his eyes off of hers.
She moistened her
lips with the tip of her tongue before softly challenging, �Prove it.�
Jeffrey wasted no
time. He rolled over on top of her and
began kissing her mouth with a
passionate ferocity that had been building as they had spoke. He let it all loose now, and he couldn�t get
enough of her.
Salida made a
muffled sound of surprise, but she did nothing to struggle against him. Instead, her arms slipped around his
shoulders and her mouth grew soft and pliant under his, willing to allow him
anything he wished to take, which at the moment seemed to be her last remaining
scraps of sanity.
His tongue thrust
into her mouth, demanding she let him explore, demanding she accept this as
proof of his need. And she did. She welcomed him gladly and moaned a bit when
he abandoned her mouth for her neck.
Jeffrey was beside
himself with need for her. When she had
said those words, �prove it,� he had let everything go. His control had been dashed to the wind from
the very instant their lips had touched.
He now knew only one thing: he wanted her, and he wanted her now.
A soft moan escaped
him, free to be expressed now that his control was a distant memory. It was somewhat dangerous to throw everything
to the wind as he had; he was a man who needed at least a small bit of control
in his life to keep him from slipping the fine line into complete psychotic
mania. But he couldn�t give a flying
fuck now. He didn�t care about anything
except her. And that care was about tied
with the overwhelming desire to have his own needs satisfied.
He knew he was
bruising her delicate neck, but he didn�t care.
He felt the need to mark her as his and that was exactly what he was
doing. It was simple pure raw lust, and
it was burning through him without any barriers.
�Jeffrey,� she
gasped, her hands slipping to his hair where she pulled his mouth more firmly
against her. He was driving her mad with
every move of his mouth, lips, and tongue.
Her body was suddenly burning hot, and she was having trouble breathing
fast enough to fuel her mind. It started
to shut down; it wasn�t as if she needed it at the moment anyway.
If Jeffrey noticed
the trouble she was having, he gave no sign.
Or perhaps he couldn�t. If he had
to continue this while she was unconscious, so be it. He didn�t give a fuck now. He was much too far gone for that.
After fumbling and
moving of clothes, he thrust into her hard, not able to wait any longer. He needed to be inside of her. And now he was and he was falling.
Salida screamed as
he entered her, overwhelmed by the sensation.
Her fingernails dug into his back and she arched her body into his
blindly.
Jeffrey felt like
screaming himself, but he couldn�t. He
couldn�t make a sound, it was too intense.
The sensation of her fingernails digging into the back was just added to
the whirlwind. He could only hope to
hold on and not lose himself in the sensation.
If he hadn�t known better, he would have thought he was coming already
given the depnd bnd breadth of what he was feeling, but he wasn�t. He was merely thrusting into her without any
purpose but to further his own lust, kissing her when it suited him. It was selfish, but he couldn�t be made to
care.
Crying out each
time he entered her and each time he withdrew, Salida clung to her husband,
trying desperately to reach the release that was just out of grasp. Her body screamed for an end to the
sensations that were swamping her, burning her nerves to a crisp, stealing her
sight, but there was none. Jeffrey was
ruthless, making her join with him over and over, his touches tantalizing but
too irregular to help her come. It was
torture. It was wonderful.
A part of him reveled distantly in her cries,
but still he didn�t join her. He
remained utterly silent except for the harsh gasping of his quickened breath.Police are after this man, billionaire S. J. Sands, wanted in the
murder of almost thirty people. Sands is
considered armed and extremely dangerous and anyone who might come across him
is advised to take extreme caution and contact your local law enforcement
agency at once. They showed a poorly
drawn sketch drawing that Jeffrey snorted at.
It looked nothing like him.
�Change the fucking channel, vixen,� he muttered, not the least bit
amused anymore.
Salida didn�t
really hear the command though. Her hand
was frozen in a white-knuckled grip around the remote and all she could see was
her precarious world tilting just enough to crash.
Jeffrey saw that
she wasn�t reacting and wrenched the remote from her hand and turned off the TV
with more force than was perhaps necessary.
�It�s nothing, vixen. Don�t
fucking worry about it,� he assured her.
In truth, he was more than a little surprised at the contents of the
report himself. Had he really killed
that many people? He hadn�t been keeping
count. Not that he really minded, of
course. They were dead. They no longer mattered.
�Th-that . . . was
. . . on TV,� she said very slowly, as if trying to explain the reality of what
she�d just seen to herself.
�Yes, it was. America�s Most Wanted, no less. I don�t know whether I should be fucking
honored or insulted,� he said gently, trying to lighten things up a
little. It didn�t seem to be working.
�People saw
that.� They had to leave. They couldn�t stay. How soon before the police showed up? She couldn�t loose him now. Not now.
�Yeah, they
did. But you obviously didn�t. They don�t have anything on me, vixen. Did you see the fucking picture? Not even close. There�s nothing to fucking worry about.�
�They have a
name. You�ve bought stuff while
here. What if someone remembers?�
lasslass=MsoNormal> �The people I
bought things from aren�t likely to watch this fucking show, vixen. It�s not exactly up to their . . . tastes."
�What if its a
guilty pleasure?�
�Vixen, you�re
worrying over nothing. I�m fucking fine. They�re not going to fucking catch me. If they were, they wouldn�t be turning to
this fucking hack show for help.�
�But what if they
do? Oh god, what if they do? I can�t do this without you. Maybe we should leave.� From there she started babbling, her hands
finding his arms and squeezing, proving that he was still sitting beside her.
�If you want to, we
will. We�ll travel to the other end of
the fucking planet if it�ll make you feel better, vixen,� he said softly,
holding her cl �Don't look at
me. I have no idea what the fuck he�s
talking about. She�s not fucking hiding
anything, Sands. That�s all they
said. Leave her the fuck alone,� Jeffrey
ordered with a scowl.
�I can defend
myself, Jeffrey,� Salida murmured, observing Sands out of snly nly weary
eyes. �What do you think is wrong with
me, Sands? What could have possibly
happened that would make me feel a bit off-kilter?�
�What the fuck are
you talking about� Oh.� Sands didn�t know what to say after that.
�That�s what I
thought. Now if you two will excuse me,
I think I�ll go clean up the kitchen a bit.�
She got up and left the room, not really caring if Jeffrey followed
after or if he stuck around to chew out Sands a bit.
Sands didn�t want
to follow her. A part of him figured
that they had to talk about her impending motherhood, but he didn�t want
to. Hell, that was putting it lightly. He�d rather have his skin peeled off than
talk to her about that particular subject at this point in time. He didn�t know what the hell he was going to
say to her, so he said nothing.
Jeffrey wandered
into the kitchen a few minutes later. �I
think you fucking scared him off, vixen.
You�ll have to teach me that trick,� he said wryly, regaining his seat
on the countertop.
�Here�s the answer:
just get someone pregnant,� she muttered as she swiped cou counter with a soapy
sponge.
�Apparently so,�
Jeffrey muttered in return, looking down at the floor slightly.
She�d just hurt his
feelings. �G she she yelled angrily,
throwing her sponge across the wall.
There was an unhappy yowl that declared that she�d hit one of the cats,
but she didn�t care. �I hate this! I hate tiptoeing around everything! I fucking hate it!�
�Then don�t! Don�t fucking tiptoe around anything! You don�t fucking have to!� Jeffrey yelled in
response before forcing himself to be calm.
�I didn�t mean to get you upset, Salida.
I�m fucking sorry. I�m an
inconsiderate bastard.� He moved to take
her in his arms. She could hit or claw
at him all she wanted; he just had to hold her.
�I�m sorry.�
�I don�t want you
to be sorry,� she said, trying to push him away. �I want . . . I want to be able to say what I
feel without having to worry about hurting someone�s feelings, or making them
mad, or starting fucking world war three.�
�Then say it. Don�t worry about the rest. Not everyone is going to be fucking happy all
the fucking time, vixen. So what if one
of us gets upset? We�ll fucking get over
it. And you�re a long way off from
starting world war three. pan>pan>Trust me on
that.� He didn�t let her go.
�Oh yeah. A long way off.� She took a swing at his casted arm, and he
just barely moved it out of the way.
�Fine. Believe and do whatever the fuck you want. I�m not going to stop you. But if I can�t fucking convince you of what
I�m saying then I just won�t fucking say anything.� He wasn�t going to get into a fucking fight
with her if he could help it. If that
meant fucking walking away from this one, so be it. With a half mumb�I l�I love you,� he moved
into the living room and sat down on the couch heavily.
He�d left. He�d left her. He never left. A wave of confusion washed over her before
retreating to leave nothing but the steady beat of guilt at the back of her
head. She was such a bitch. Maybe Jeffrey was right � perhaps she did just like to fight.
The house was
suddenly too enclosed for her. Have to get out. Wresting with her rioting emotions, Salida
ran for the back door, throwing it open hard enough to make it rebound off the
wall. She�d undoubtedly woken Grant up
by now but she didn�t really give a damn. She was no where to be seen. He ran out, frantic to find her, calling out
her name loudly. This is happening. This can�t be
happening. She left. Why did she leave? He couldn�t handle this. He wanted to believe that she would come
back, that she had just needed to get out of the house for awhile � to take a
walk � but it was very hard. He didn�t
know what to do.
Salida watched him
for awhile, feeling more and more guilt pile on her shoulders for not
immediately telling him she was right behind him. The front yard had a massive tree in it, with
branches that reached nearly to the ground.
It wasn�t hard � even for a pregnant woman � tomb umb up a ways, and
hide.
From the safety of
her chosen branch, she watched as Jeffrey called her name and looked around for
her, taking note of the near-panic in his voice. She understood the impact leaving had on him
� it had the same impact on her � but she couldn�t say anything.
It wasn�t until he
was going into the house, a defeated slump in his shoulders, that she finally
found her voice. '> �I�m in the tree,
Jeffrey.�
A wave of relief
flooded over him and turned to the sound of her voice and looked up. �Why did you fucking do that? Don�t you know � why?� he asked, hurt but
trying not to show it at her running off.
�I had to get out
of the house. It was trapping me.�
�You could have
just said, �Jeffrey, I�m going for a fucking climb up a tree.� You didn�t have to � never mind. Just fuck it.
You want me to leave you alone, I will.�
�I don't know what
I want,� she said tightly. �One moment I
want to sleep, the next I want to fuck, and then I�m hungry, and then scared,
and then furious, and then nearly homicidal, and then I hate myself.�
�Join the fucking
club, vixen. I feel like that all the
time,� he muttered, taking a seat under her tree. �But you�re ok. I�m not fucking mad. I love you and we�ll deal with whatever
happens. If you don�t fucking believe
hinghing else, believe that.�
�Stop it!� she
yelled, suddenly furious again. �Stop
saying that! I don�t know why you love
me. You shouldn�t love me. I�m a
fucking bitch who . . . oh god . . . who. . .�
Her words were choked off as she started to cry.
�Keep that up and
you�re going to get me wet,� Jeffrey murmured beneath her, refusing to get
angry. �That�s utter bullshit. Of course I fucking love you. I�m not going to fucking stop. And why the fuck shouldn't I love you? You love me, you�re fucking married to me,
and you�re not a bitch. I love you more
than anyone else I�ve ever known, and that�s not going to change.�
That only made her
cry harder. �Yes I am. I yell at you when you don�t deserve it. I pick fights. I just tried to fucking hurt you. I don�t ��
�You didn�t fucking
hurt me. And do you really want me to
start on the list of things I�ve done to you, vixen? I seem to remember a few fucking fun ones if
you don�t. But we worked through
them. Just like we�ll fucking work
through this. That�s supposedly what
married couples do. They don�t give up
when things get hard, and they don�t question their love for each other. I love
you. It�s as fucking simple and as
complicated as that.�
Salida practically
fell out of her tree trying to get back to the ground and to her husband. He had to move quickly to steady her, but
once his arms were around her, she collapsed into him completely, still crying.
�Shh, vixen. It�s ok.
I love you.� He whispered these
words over and over again, holding her close and still as she cried into his
chest. He didn�t even comment on the
fact that he could feel his shirt getting wet.
It didn�t bother him. What
bothered him was the fact that she doubted his love for her. He wouldn�t ever tell her of his doubts
though.
After a long time,
Salida finally stopped. Her breath
shuddered in and out of her lungs, her eyes felt gritty, and her muscles were
weak, but she�d run out of tears. Left
with no other choice, she clung weakly to her husband, hoping he�d take her to
bed soon.
�Are you alright,
vixen?� he asked softly, holding her even tighter than before as he felt the
tension drain out of her body. �Do you
want to sleep?�
She nodded,
murmuring some incoherent agreement that she
couldn�t even discern.
Jeffrey kissed the
top of her forehead and scooped her up into his arms. He wouldn�t be able to carry her like this
for much longer while she continued to gain weight from the pregnancy, but that
wasn�t the case now. He carried her into
the house and up the stairs slowly, but without falter, not stopping until she
was in bed. He wasn�t really tired
himself, but he would join her anyway.
He sat on his side of the bed and began to undress in silence.
�I don�t deserve
you,� she whispered into the darkness.
She could hear the various rustles he was making cease as he took in her
words. He�d deny it � she knew he would
� but it was true.
�If you don�t
deserve me, I sure as fuck don�t deserve you.
Thankfully, that�s not the way it fucking works. If we all got exactly what we fucking
deserved, I�d be dead or in jail right now.�
He hadn�t meant to give such a depressing example, but he couldn�t help
it. It was true.
�Don�t. I don�t want to talk about that,� she said in
a soft but harsh voice. As if to
emphasize that the conversation had reached a dead end, she rolled over onto
her side and slammed her fist into her pillow a few times in the pretense of
fluffing it.
�Sorry,� Jeffrey
said with a sigh. Should have just kept your fucking mouth shut, asshole. He ignored this and got into bed next to her,
laying flat on his back and staring up at the ceiling. �Good night, vixen. I love you.�
I know.
Wordlessly, she moved across the bed until she could rest her head on
his chest. It rose and fell with every
breath he took, and his heart beat reassuringly in her ear.
Jeffrey let himself
smile upon feeling her weight on her chest, and obliged her by not moving. He liked her close. He wouldn�t have changed that for
anything. �Get some rest, vixen. I�ll still be here when you wake up.�
�We have to see the
doctor in the morning,� she murmured.
�What time? Maybe they�ll finally tell me I can get this
fucking thing off my hand,� he muttered.
He then frowned deeply as a thought occurred to him. �Oh fuck.
I have to get the stitches out, don�t I?
That�ll be fucking fun.�
�Not that
doctor. The OB-GYN.�
�Isn�t that a
doctor?� he asked with a frown, not understanding what she meant.
�It�s an
obstetrician-slash-gynecologist. I don�t
think she�s going to be able to do much for you.�
�Oh. You mean like a fucking doctor just for
pregnant women. I think I got it. Still have to get those fucking stitches out
though. I�ll fucking make Sands do it,�
he murmured. �You didn�t tell me what
time your appointment was.�
�Yes I did. I made it for the same time as Grant�s. The OB�s office is right next door to her
oncology clinic.�
�Oh. Well that�s convenient. Wait . . . how are we all going to fucking
get there? We can�t all fit in the
Porsche. Or did you want to take a
fucking cab?� This was good. Idle conversation. No arguing, just talk.
�I suppose we�ll have to take one then, won�t
we?� She yawned. �Does Sands know I�m stealing you from
Grant�s side tomorrow?�
�No. I haven�t had a chance to fucking tell
him. He�ll just have to fucking deal
with it. They ran off to fucking Hawaii. We�re just going to the fucking doctor�s
office.�
�If he throws a
fit, you can blame me. For being stupid
enough to get pregnant in the first place.�
This was greeted with silence and she winced. �Sorry.�
�It�s alright. I�m not mad,� Jeffrey said softly.
�But you don�t like
it when I talk that way either,� she murmured.
�So? I don�t like a lot of things. Don�t fucking worry about it.�
�Do you really not
care, or are you just trying to avoid another fight?� she asked softly.
�If I said I was
trying to avoid another fucking fight would you get upset?� he responded.
�No. One of us has to do it.�
�One of us has to
do what, vixen?�
�Avoid starting
fights.�
�Oh. Alright.�
He wished that neither one of them had to fill that particular role, but
that didn�t seem to be a fucking option.
�But you don�t like it when I make remarks like
that,� she pressed anyway.
�No. I don�t.�
�If . . . if you
had thought I could have kids . . . would you have pressed the issue eventually?�
�I don�t know,
vixen. Maybe. It�s not a fucking thing that ever occurred
to me.�
�Even when I told
you that I couldn�t?�
�I . . . like the
idea of having a kid, vixen. You fucking
know that. I don�t know why, I just do,�
he frowned as he said this, confused at his own motivations. That had been the truth, but he didn�t know
why it was. Why the fuck did he want
kids? He couldn�t answer that even
within his own mind.
�How . . .� she
swallowed. �How does he feel about all this?�
Jeffrey
sighed. �You�ll have to ask him
that. He hasn�t fucking told me.�
�We�re going to
have to talk about it eventually,� she whispered, glad for the darkness. It made it easier to discuss these things.
�I fucking figured
as much,� he agreed with a sigh.
�I don�t know why I
was scared of him tonight.�
�I don�t either
vixen. You haven�t ever been scared of
him, have you?� Jeffrey asked with a frown.
She shook her
head. �Wary? Hell yes.
But never scared. I�ve never even
been scared of you.�
�Good. You fucking shouldn�t be. I�d never hurt you, vixen. Not unless I couldn�t help it,� he added
softly.
�I know. But that doesn�t explain why I was scared of
Sands. I don�t like being scared of him.�
Jeffrey didn�t like
it either. �Maybe you just weren�t ready
to talk about being pregnant yet. You
haven�t talked to him since you found out, have you? Not until tonight?�
�No. There wasn�t really much time to. By the time I was really over the shock, he
and Grant had left.�
�Yeah. Sorry about that. That still fucking pisses me off,� he
muttered.
�But . . . I think
the time helped. Well . . . me at
least. I couldn�t stand being so
uncomfortable around you, lover. It was
tearing me up just as much as it was you.�
Jeffrey sighed, trying to put his anger and
the barest hint of betrayal at her unwillingness to have him back right away
past him. �I know. Doesn�t mean I liked it though,� he muttered.
�But was it better
than sitting around, watching me, waiting for me to say something and being
hurt with each minute that went by when I didn�t?�
�No. It wasn�t,� he said softly. It was pure hell, as a matter of fact.
�I�m sorry. I was wrong to tell you to stay away.�
�Don�t. It�s past.
Just fucking forget about it. I�m
here now."
�You were mad at
me. When I asked you not to come
back. I should have changed my mind.�
�What part of �just
fucking forget about it� don�t you understand, vixen? I�m fine.
I�m not mad. Stop fucking
worrying about it.�
She shut her mouth,
not wanting to instigate another argument.
She�d done her fair share of that lately. Closing her eyes, she tried to simply relax,
but it was hard.
�Just close your
eyes and listen vixen. Let the sounds of
the fucking night put you to sleep. It�s
how I do it,� he murmured upon feeling her tense body and seeing her close her
eyes.
�Rub my back?� she
asked softly, trying to do what he asked.
In the past days she�d become accustomed to the creaking and cracks of
the house as it settled at night, and she heard the ticking of a clock across
the room, but no matter how exhausted her mind was, she couldn�t get her body
to relax.
�Alright.� With her still laying on top of him he began
rubbing her back gently but firmly, trying to relax her enough for her to fall
asleep. �Just let the sounds of the room
put you to sleep. Listen to the beating
of my heart, if you want. Don�t think
about anything except that fucking sound.
Focus on it and left your mind drift.�
He trailed off, growing completely silent so she could better hear, and
continued rubbing.
�Your voice rumbles
in your chest,� she mumbled, her words starting to slur a bit.
�Is that good or
bad?� he couldn�t help ask with a slight smile, his hands moving up to her
shoulders now.
�Neither.� The word was a sigh. �I love you.
Even if I pick fights.�
�I love you
too. Even if you think you pick fights,�
he said, his hands moving up to stroke her hair now.
�You�re
patronizing,� she breathed, before giving up the effort of speech altogether.
�No I�m not. I�m just telling it how I fucking see
it.� He kept rubbing her hair.
When minutes went
by and Salida didn�t reply, Jeffrey realized she was finally asleep. Asleep with her head pillowed on his chest,
one arm slung over his body, and her chest pressed against his ribcage.
It wasn�t the most
comfortable position to sleep in, but he wouldn�t have moved her for the
world. He kept stroking her hair, simply
watching her sleep. �I love you
Salida. And I will protect you. Even from yourself if I have to.� With that whispered vow, he tried to follow
his own advice and get some rest. After
a few hours of fitful shallow sleep filled with disturbing dreams and
nightmares, he finally fell into a deep sleep and did not stir again until the
next morning.

****************************** ***
******************************

Jeffrey dreamt. He
didn�t often remember his dreams, but this was one that would stay with him for
a good long while. <
<
Jeffrey shot awake at the sound of broken
glass and men yelling; he immediately jumped out of bed after grabbing Salida�s
arm and shaking her awake. They ran. The police or whoever the fuck they were,
chased. �Jeffrey, what�s going on?�
Salida asked, panic clear in her voice, all traces of sleepiness gone the
instant she had been yanked out of bed.
�No fucking time to talk. We have to fucking get out of here,� Jeffrey
responded, running down the hall as an afterthought to grab Aida too. Sands would kill him if he left her behind.
He found Aida already awake and surrounded
by black clad men with guns locked on her. The last he saw of her was her face in a wide
scream as she lunged for him, thel ofl of Sands� name on her lips as she was
gunned down right there in the bed. Jeffrey had no choice but to run, dragging
Salida behind him as they raced down the stairs. Sands had come awake when Aida had been killed
and now was utterly silent within Jeffrey�s head. Something that worried him more than if he�d
been screaming.
Jeffrey kept running, his hand on the front
door when he head a loud CRACK. �Jeffrey?�
Salida whispered. He knew he should run,
but something in her voice made him stop and turn to look at her. �I�m . . . sorry. I love �� She fell lifeless to the ground before she
could get another word out.
Jeffrey roared with rage and loss,
determined to tear every man he came across apart with his bare hands. He managed to take down four before he was
knocked unconscious.
The nightmare faded
to a new scene; Jeffrey was trapped within its grasp, unable to wake up.
Jeffrey would have pounded his head against
the wall of the padded cell, in rage and frustration, but there was no point. Nothing meant anything anymore. The trials had been a joke. He had signed his own death warrant � or so it
had seemed � by begging the judge that he be put to death. The judge granted him life in an institution
instead. Considered it a mercy for
someone so obviously insane. The doctors
had learned to keep him drugged to near unconsciousness and restrained after
the first suicide attempt. It had
failed. He had been so close, but even
death was taken away from. He had
nothing to live for and yet that�s all he had left. Life.
Jeffrey woke up
screaming.

****************************** ***
******************************

Salida was in the shower when she heard Jeffrey
screaming. Not even bothering to turn
off the water, she threw open the shower curtain and grabbed a towel. As she wrapped it around her still dripping
body, she ran into the bedroom.
�Jeffrey!�
Jeffrey had drawn
up his knees and was sitting up pressed against the headboard, shaking, sweaty
and pale as the sheet he was trembling under.
He didn�t even acknowledge her yell, he was still lost within the
nightmare.
Sands was in a
similar state. He had seen everything
Jeffrey had seen and now he could only repeat the word �no� over and over
again, willing the dream away.
�Oh god,� she
breathed when she saw the state he was in.
�Jeffrey, what happened?� She
rushed to the bed and sat down beside him, her hands stroking his head.
Jeffrey just shook
his head violently and tried to move away from her, still not fully aware of
the world around him, or even that he seemed to have tears running down his
face.
�Nightmare,� Sands
managed, unable to say anything else. He
just wanted the images to stop. How
could he make them stop? He pressed his
hands against his eyes and tried to block them out but not being able to see
didn�t matter. They were still
there. Both men moaned, too hoarse to
scream again.
�Must have been
some nightmare,� she whispered, working to catch one of his hands. Once she had it, she squeezed it hard, just
offering proof that she was right there.
�Don�t,� Jeffrey
practically pleaded with her. �Not fair,
not real. Not fair, not real. . .� He repeated this mantra over and over until
interrupted by Sands.
�Everyone�s
dead. Oh god. Everyone but us.� It was he who focused on Salida�s hand,
willing himself to focus on it and come back to reality. It didn�t entirely work, but it stopped them
from ranting.
�Shh . . . no one�s
dead. Everyone is present and accounted
for. Even the cats.� What kind of dream could have upset both men
� she thought Sands was here too � so badly?
Especially when they hated each other and didn�t hold the same things
dear to them?
�You are. Shouldn�t be here. You�re gone.
Stolen away . . .� Jeffrey started.
�. . . like
spitfire. Both g-gone. Wanted to join you. But they wouldn�t let us. We tried. . .� Sands continued.
�. . . and we
failed.� Jeffrey ended.
�Shh . . . I�m
here. Aida�s here. She must be in the shower not to have heard
that, but I saw her in the kitchen when I was getting breakfast. Everything�s alright. I know it was horrible to have to dream that,
but it was just a dream.�
�No . . .
worse. God, so much fucking worse. It was real,� Jeffrey moaned.
�It could
happen. So real. . .� Sands added. Both men seemed to draw back into themselves,
not wanting to deal with anything else right now. It was safer inside. No one could touch them there.
Salida didn�t want
to let go, but she couldn�t let them sink away from her eithspanspan
style='mso-spacerun:yes'> And she couldn�t pull them back without being
decently covered at the very least.
With a sigh, she
gently pulled her hand away, and moved off the bed. It took two seconds to locate her robe, three
to put it on, and another two to move back to the bed. The men�s body was shaking, as if in shock,
and she wouldn�t be surprised if that was the case. Not saying anything, she wrapped her arms
around their shoulders and pulled their body forward until their head was
pressed against her shoulder. She didn�t
bother saying anything � it wouldn�t help at the moment � but she did hold
them. It was all she could really do at
the moment.
�Just let us go,�
Jeffrey tried pleading with her. �Can�t
let that happen. If we�re not around, it
won�t.� Sands nodded in agreement.
�And you would
leave me for that? For a dream? You�d leave Grant? I don�t know about her, but my life is ruined
without you. I might not kill myself,
but I�ll waste away. Slowly. Over weeks, months, until I die. I can�t live without you.
�And you would leave
Grant now?� she addressed Sands. �When
you�ve probably made all sorts of promises to her? I can guarantee she wouldn�t understand.�
�No, I wouldn�t ��
�She wouldn�t
�� Jeffrey and Sands� murmured comments
almost overlapped each other. �Can�t
leave.�
�Can�t stay. But we have to. Needed.�
�But the dream ��
�Can�t let it
happen. Won�t let it happen.�
�Won�t let it
happen. We�ll stay.�
�Good. Because I imagine Grant and I would get on
each other�s nerves real fast if we had to hunt you down.� As much as she wanted to offer even more
physical comfort, she knew she couldn�t.
Not with Sands here. But she
found she couldn�t ask him to leave either.
So she sat and held them, hoping they�d soon come to themselves.
A few long minutes
passed before they spoke again. The
trembling had never quite stopped, and didn�t look as if it was going to any
time soon, but their speech was coherent once more. �I�m not going to fucking talk about it,
vixen. I can�t,� Jeffrey murmured. He could tell Sands wanted to push away from
her, but Jeffrey silently pleaded with him to let him stay and Sands had
surprisingly agreed without hesitation.
�And I won�t,�
Sands added softly.
�I�m not asking you
to. I�m here if you want to talk, Jeffrey,
but I�m not going to force you to do anything.�
Pulling back a bit she met their eyes.
�Do you want to go downstairs?
Wait for Grant to finish primping?�
Jeffrey didn�t want
to, he wanted to stay up here within his wife�s arms, but Sands did and he
wouldn�t deny him that. He couldn�t deny
him the opportunity to prove to himself that Aida was alive and whole. He was a cruel hearted bastard, but he
couldn�t have been th'>that cruel. �Alright.�
Sands whispered a
soft thank you, trying to will himself to stop shaking. When it didn�t help, he decided he needed to
get out of this bed. It didn�t even
matter that they were going to see Aida anymore � although god he needed to see
her � he just had to get out of that
bed. Right fucking now.
Salida stuck close
to their side, to left as always, and stayed close incase their legs decided to
give out or something. �Go downstairs,
or see if Grant�s out of the shower yet?� she asked softly.
Sands opened his
mouth to say that he wanted to go see her, but he stopped himself. He could wait to see her. Couldn�t he?
She was alright. She had to be. But he had to prove to himself that he was
alright before he could see her. He
wasn�t, but he had to try.
�Downstairs,�
Jeffrey answered for him upon seeing his hesitation. Sands silently thanked him.
�Alright.� Salida helped them down the stairs without
appearing to be more than a shadow by their side. �Are you hungry?� she inquired gently as they
reached the ground floor.
Even the thought of
food brought an feeling of nausea with it, so that was a definite no. �No thanks, vixen.� Jeffrey had now joined Sands� fight to get
himself to stop shaking at least, but he wasn�t having any more luck than Sands
seem to. �Why won�t it stop?� he asked
himself in frustration.
�You�re strung
out,� she murmured softly, directing them towards the living room and the
couch. �Adrenaline high.�
�Oh,� Jeffrey said.
�When is going to
stop?� Sands asked.
�Give yourself
another ten or twenty minutes. The
trembling should subside.� Making sure
they were seated, she went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from
the fridge. �Here,� she said once she'd
returned to the living room. She held
the bottle out to them.
�Don�t want
it. I feel fucking sick,� Jeffrey said
with a shake of his head.
�A little cool
water might help. Just a sip or two,�
she urged, twisting the cap off and offering it again.
Jeffrey still
didn�t want it, but Sands grabbed it from her and took a few small sips before
pressing the cold bottle to his forehead and shutting his eyes. �Thank you, Salida,� he said softly. He wasn�t talking about the water.
There wasn�t much
she could say to that, so she took a seat across from them on the coffee table,
and waited in silence for Aida to appear.
Her footsteps could be heard above them as she went back and forth,
preparing for her day. Salida hoped that
was enough reassurance for Sands to relax a bit.
Sands could hear
Aida moving about above them as surely as Salida could, but it brought no
comfort. He needed to see her. Once he had, everything would be
alright. At least, he hoped it would.
Jeffrey handed the
water bottle back to Salida. �We�ll be
alright, vixen,� he said softly.
�I need to get ready
if I�m going to make my appointment on time,� she said softly. �Do you want me to get her while I�m up
there?�
Sands nodded. �Clothes?� he asked softly, gesturing down to
his half dressed state. All he had on
was a pair of Jeffrey�s boxers.
�I assume she�s
seen you in boxers before. Don�t
worry.� Salida patted their shoulder,
then stood, stretching as she did so.
�I�ll send her down, and I�ll be in my room.� With that, she left.
Jeffrey and Sands
leaned back into the deep couch, pulling their legs up close and wrapping their
arms around their chest. They were not
ok. Neither man could remember ever
having such a dream affect them like this before. It had seemed so real and it was reluctant to
let them go. Perhaps what made it seem
so real is that it was based on something that could actually happen. If there had been something jarring and
blatantly unreal within the dream it might have been easier to set aside. But there wasn�t. And that made it worse. They stayed in this position until Aida came
downstairs.
�Sands?� Aida entered the room hesitantly. �Salida said you had a nightmare.� It was the other woman�s near helpful manner
that was making Aida so cautious, but when she caught sight of her husband,
that all disappeared. �Oh . . . my
love,� she breathed as she rushed to the couch.
�She didn�t say it�d been this bad.�
Crouched on the floor by his side, she cupped his face to make him look
at her.
�It was . . . bad,�
Sands said, his eyes locked upon her face.
�She�s not dead,
Sands. It�s ok. She�s alright,� Jeffrey found himself
inexplicably trying to comfort him.
�Aida. . .� It was all Sands managed before his throat
had closed up and he hadn�t been able to speak another word. Emotions were tearing their way through
him. He had seen her die. He had mourned her. And yet she hadn�t died. She was alive and sitting right in front of
him. She was fine. But it had seemed so real! He reached out a still trembling hand to
touch her, needing to reassure himself of her presence; needing to know she was
real.
�I�m here,� she
whispered, letting him touch and trace her face. Whatever it took to convince him, she�d
give. �I�m here and I�m fine.�
When his hand made
contact with her face his composure cracked, but no tears came. �You�re alright. Il mio amore.
Siete giusti. Siete vivi. Ho pensato che li avessi persi. Eravate guasti. Non posso perderlo. Ti amo.�
Jeffrey blinked at
the stream of Italian coming out of Sands� mouth, but did not comment on it.
Aida had no idea
what he was saying, but she listened anyway.
�That�s right. I�m still
here.� Moving slowly, she sat on the
edge of the couch. �I�m still here.�
�Siete ancora qui.�
Sands repeated back to her. �Ti amo. Siete ancora qui.�
�You are still here. I love you. You are still here,� Jeffrey translated
effortlessly, since Sands didn�t to notice she couldn�t understand a fucking
word he was saying.
�Yes. Still here.
And not going anywhere.�
�Non potete. Li ho bisogno. Ti amo,� Sands said with a frown. It was almost as if he didn�t notice he was
speaking in Italian anymore.
�You can�t. I need you.
I love you,� Jeffrey translated again.
�Sands, start speaking fucking English again. This is getting frustrating,� Jeffrey
complained. He must have been feeling a
little better.
Sands blinked at
that. �Che cosa significate? Non sto parlando in italiano. Oh.
Sorry about that. I didn�t
notice,� Sands said slowly.
�And I didn�t
mind. I told you that you could use
other languages if you wanted to tell me something, but didn�t want me to
know.� She combed her fingers through
his hair.
Jeffrey wanted to
pull away from Aida�s touches but he didn�t for Sands� sake. Sands had let himself be held by Salida earlier
for him, he could bear this for Sands.
�I�m here, Aida. Thought you
should know,� Jeffrey said softly.
�Don�t. Don�t stop,� Sands almost pleaded with her.
How could she
stop? Giving the men a reassuring smile,
she murmured, �I won�t do anything too offensive. I promise.�
Jeffrey nodded a
thanks and Sands just leaned into her touch.
The trembling was finally starting to wear off, but the images hadn�t
stopped playing themselves on the backs of their eyelids yet. Maybe they never would. The thought sent a shudder through both men.
�What�s
wrong?� The question left Aida�s mouth
before she could stop it. Salida had
warned her not to get inquisitive, but how could she not when they were in so
much pain?
�Don�t. Don�t ask that,� Jeffrey said slowly. �You can�t know. You don�t want to know.�
�I don�t want to
talk about it, spitfire,� Sands added softly.
She knew without
asking that this was one of �those things.�
The ones she wasn�t supposed to want to know. What Sands didn�t understand was that she
wanted more than anything to understand him. But she wouldn�t make a fuss now. At least, not much of one.
�Does Salida know?�
she asked softly, certain that if the other woman did, she�d go insane.
�No. She can�t.
No one can.� This came from both
men. They were determined to hold on to
this nightmare tight, not caring that it would surely poison them. They were not going to talk about it.
That made Aida
relax a bit. She was tired of being the
only one who didn�t know what was going on.
�Someday you�ll want to. Even if
it�s in Mandarin Chinese,� she murmured, not pressing any further.
Sands just shook
his head. �No. Not ever.
I just want to forget.� He closed
his eyes and forced himself to concentrate on the feeling her hand made as it
wound its way through his hair; nothing else.
�Well, fferffer
stands for as long as you remember it.�
Ever so softly, she placed a kiss on his scalp, doing her best to not
make Jeffrey uncomfortable, but needing to comfort her husband.
Sands didn�t
respond because to respond would be to acknowledge that there was something to
remember. He didn�t want to
remember. He wanted to erase every trace
of the fucking nightmare from his mind.
Jeffrey frowned at
the contact but forced himself not to move.
Sandsded ded this as surely as he needed Salida�s presence right
now. But he had had his time. He could wait. Probably.
Just as Aida was
about to say something more, the doorbell rang.
The men tensed within her arms, causing her to worry. �What?
What is it?�
�Don�t . . . don�t
answer it,� Sands said softly but with great intent.
�It�s not
them. It can�t be them. It was just a fucking dream. A fucking dream. �If Jeffrey was trying to convince himself,
he apparently wasn�t doing a very good job of it, because his face had paled
dramatically again.
The doorbell rang
again, followed by knocking that managed to sound cheerful.
A little bit of
tension leaked out of Sands� shoulders.
Not a lot, but some. �They
wouldn�t knock. You can answer it. I�ll . . . be ok.� He didn�t want to talk to whoever it
was. Not to mention he wasn�t wearing
anything but his boxers.
�Are you sure? If its important, whoever it is can come back
later.�
�I�m sure. I�ll go get dressed,� he said, rising on
slightly unsteady legs and beginning to make his way to the stairs.
�Well I want to
fucking know who it is. I�ll be back,
kitty,� Jeffrey said, sounding full of false bravado. He was determined to prove to himself that he
wasn�t afraid. It was almost working.
Aida watched the
men go upstairs before walking to the front door. In the time it took for her to cross the
entry way, whoever it was outside rang
the doorbell again. �Oh my god, be
patient,� she muttered, finally getting to the door and opening it.
�Hello again,�
Martha O�Reily called out, before frowning when confronted with Aida. �Hello.
My name is Martha O�Reily and this is my husband, Edward. We�re the next door neighbors. Are Salida or Sands at home? Or perhaps Salida�s husband. We didn�t have the pleasure of meeting him
last time we came.� Martha apparently
wasn�t too daunted by Aida�s utterly confused look and kept going on, her bored
looking husband standing silently at her side.
�My husband is upstairs,� Aida replied
slowly, wishing she knew what confabulation had been told to these two. �So is Salida.�
�Your husband? You mean Mr. Sands?� Martha asked, managing
to look cheerfully confused. �That�s
funny. He didn�t mention you, dear.�
�No, but I thought
I explained that I had come to New Orleans to help him and his wife the last we met,� Salida drawled, coming into view.
�Oh hello,
Salida. What a pleasure it is to see you
again. Edward and I came by to see if
you�d like to take us up on our offer for dinner this evening. I had forgotten than you had mentioned that
about Mr. Sands� wife. Do forgive me. .
. ?� Martha trailed off, waiting for
Aida to fill in the gap with her name.
�Aida,� she
replied, not bothering to be particularly friendly.
�A pleasure to meet
you, Aida. You are welcome to join us as
well if you�d like,� she said with a bright smile, refusing to be anything but
cheerful. If she had noticed Aida�s
attitude toward her, she gave no sign.
�Isn�t that right Ed�� She was cut off by Jeffrey arriving at the door,
looking at them both, and turning to whisper in Salida�s ear.
�Who the fuck are
these people and what the fuck are they doing here?�
�Mr. Sands! What a pleasure to see you again! We were just having a delightful chat with
your wife, Aida over whether or not you�d like to join us for dinner tonight,�
Martha filled him in.
�What the fuck are
you talking about?� Jeffrey asked with a frown.
Martha gasped a little at his curse, but didn�t comment on it.
�Surely you
remember the O�Riley�s, right Sands?� Salida asked very carefully meeting her
husband�s eyes. Then turning back to the
couple on the doorstep, she said, �I�m sorry for my cousin�s behavior. He and Aida just got back from a belated
honeymoon trip to Hawaii yesterday. He
must not be over the jet lag yet.�
�Cousin? What the fu��
Jeffrey cut himself off at Salida�s stern glare and turned to the
O�Reily�s with a forced smile. �Of
course I remember you. Who wouldn�t? And yes, it was a terribly long flight. Do . . . forgive me. I�d be more than happy to join you for
dinner, but I�m still very tired with the jet lag. Yes.
Thanks for stopping by though.
Goodbye.� He pulled Aida and
Salida inside � one woman on each arm � smiled at the now slightly confused
O�Reily�s brightly, and closed the door.
�Never answer the fucking door again,� he muttered, letting go of the
two women and making his way to the couch.
�Well . . . I can�t
say that we weren�t doing just fine until you showed up at the door,� Salida
said in a measured voice. She was really
trying to keep her irritation down, but it was growing harder and harder.
�I fucking heard
them knocking earlier and I wanted to know who it was. It�s not my fucking fault you didn�t tell me
all the details of the nice little lie you cooked up. Cousins?� he asked with a raised eyebrow.
�What did you want
me to tell them? That Sands is married
to Aida and I�m married to you, but you both happen to be in the same
body? I don�t know about you, but most
people would see that as a polygamous relationship. And yes, I told them that you and Sands were
cousins and that you�re in the military and not around a whole lot.� Salida twirled towards to door, trying to stem
the irrational feelings that he was trying to make this all her fault, but
couldn�t. Spinning back to him, she said
in a low voice, �And excuse me for not fucking explaining all this earlier. I had other fucking things on my mind.�
Jeffrey opened his
mouth to say something, he wasn�t entirely sure what that something was going
to be but it didn�t sound good in his head so he kept his mouth wisely
shut. �I�m sorry, vixen. I didn�t mean to get fucking upset with
you. I�m just . . . off this morning. Sorry,� he
muttered again. �Don�t worry about the
fucking neighbors. They don�t
matter. I�ll just kill them later if
they get to be too annoying.� The joke
fell flat without a single shred of humor behind it. Jeffrey didn�t know why he had bothered.
Salida just looked
at him for a moment, then muttered, �I need to finish getting ready. We�ve all got appointments soon.� Without saying another word, she headed back
upstairs.
�Fuck,� Jeffrey
muttered, slouching back in the couch and pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel a fucking monster of a headache
coming on. �Sands, you�re fucking in
there. In my head. If you could do something about this fucking
headache I�d fucking appreciate it,� Jeffrey muttered. �Ask me that again
when you haven�t got me fucking trawling through my nightmares,� he said
evenly.
�You don't really
have to tell me tell me. Yes, I want you to get it out of you, but you
can say it in . . . in Russian if it�ll make you more comfortable.� And then, in a voice barely above a whisper,
�What happened when Jeffrey came into our room?�
�Sie riefen f�r
mich aus und wurden von der Polizei geschossen.
Sie wurden sofort get�tet.�
�And then what
happened?� she kept quizzing. This was
an instance when she didn�t need to understand.
All that mattered was that he find some relief.
His voice was
utterly emotionless now. �Sunrise was
shot by the police. Jeffrey watched her
die.�
What a horrible dream. �Was that it?
Or was there more?�
�More. Jeffrey killed four policemen before they
took us down. We were arrested, tried
and convicted. I begged the judge for
the death penalty but he wouldn�t listen.
He felt sorry for me. Locked me
up in a room with padded white walls and a straightjacket for company. Tried to kill myself to escape. Slit my wrists. They found me. Kept me alive. I was still alive when I woke up.� Sands grew very still and very silent.
�Oh my love.� While she didn�t understand what had happened
to her, she suspected she had died as well.
�Oh my poor love,� she whispered, squeezing him tight. �I�m so sorry.�
�Why? Don�t be.
It�s something that very well could really happen the longer you stay
around me. Don�t be sorry. Don�t you dare.�
�I can�t regret the
pain you�re feeling?� she whispered. �I
can�t regret that there�s nothing you�ll let me do to make it go away?�
�It won�t go
away. It never will,� he responded
solemnly.
�But you won�t even
let me try, would you? You didn�t even
want to tell me.�
�It doesn�t
matter. I told you. Now you know something sunrise doesn�t for a
change. Happy now? Isn�t that what you fucking wanted?� he asked
coldly.
Very slowly she
pulled away, tears pricking her eyes.
�I�m happy that you trust me enough to confide in me,� she
whispered. �It was never about topping
Salida. It was out of concern for you.�
�Is that what you
tell yourself?� he hissed. �Bullshit.�
�Sands �� she
started helplessly before he cut her off.
Why was he being so cruel?
�Sie interessieren
nicht sich f�r mich. Weibchen. Wenn Sie, Sie w�rden nicht mich den tun
gelassen haben. Ich hasse Sie.� His voice was harsh as he practically sneered
out the German, his eyes cold and black.
�I don�t
understand,� she whispered, moving off the couch. She was capable of recognizing a dangerous
situation when she was in one, and she felt that danger now.
His voice turned
patronizing. �I said, you don�t care for
me. Bitch. If you did you wouldn�t have made me do
that. I hate you. Ich verflucht du hassen would have been
better, don�t you think? That means I fucking hate you. It gives it a bit more emphasis.� He moved off of the couch with her, stalking
towards her as he spoke.n stn style='mso-spacerun:yes'> The cats
scattered. �You never cared about
me. I fucking trusted you. I needed you and you�ve done nothing but
bring more fucking pain. Thanks a
fucking lot, Aida. God, why do I even
put up with you? You�ll never understand
me. You say you�ll try, but that�s a
fucking lie like everything else. You
know nothing about me. Why don�t you do
us both a fucking favor and get out of my life before one of us says something
we might regret later?� He grabbed one
of her arms. �Just go,� he seethed.
Aida looked at him
once, her eyes full of pain, then fled the room. Sands was about to go after her to continue
abusing her, when Salida came down the stairs.
She didn�t look happy.
�You fucking
whoreson,� she said quietly. �You son of
a fucking bitch. Just how much to do you
think she can take before she hires a lawyer to draw up the divorce
papers? Because no sane woman would put up with that.
And above all else, your wife happens to be sane.�
�Keep your fucking
nose out of my business, you nosy bitch,� Sands hissed. �I don�t recall inviting you into my fucking
life.�
Salida�s eyes
narrowed right before she drew her arm back and swung at him. Her fist connected solidly with his chin,
sending him several steps back where he tripped over a cat and fell to his ass
on the floor.
�That wasn�t the
right response,� she informed him as she looked down at his sprawled form.
Sands grinned
manically, his bottom lip red with blood from where he had bitten into it. He hocked a wad of bloodied spit to the floor
and managed to stand without falling again.
�Oh? Do enlighten me then, since
you seem to be a fucking master of all the right responses. Trying to kill Jeffrey and then yourself
after finding out you were fucking knocked up was the right response then, was
it?�
�Oh, so you think
Aida just ought to commit suicide, is that it?�
She laughed. �We�re fucking
insane, Sands, but that doesn�t mean Aida will put up with what we will. But I suppose that since you don�t love her,
you don�t care either.�
It was Sands� turn
to take a swing at Salida. �Don�t you
fucking say that, you bitch, don�t you dare.
She is the only thing in this
world I give even half a damn about.�
She ducked, having
suspected he�d try that. �That�s why you
just told her you hated her � oh, excuse me, fucking hated her � and then told her that you think she�s a liar,
and you want her out of your life, right?�
�I told her that so
that she�d fucking leave me and be safe!� Sands yelled at the top of his lungs
before crumpling to the floor, his anger utterly spent, darkness seeping in and
filling him with a gaping emptiness.
�So you want her to
leave then.� Salida was relentless. The same thing that made her ready to fight
at the drop of a hat was making her stand up for a woman she didn�t like.
�If she stays with
me, she�ll end up dead. If she leaves
she�ll be safe. I don�t want her to
leave.� The last line was whispered so
softly that Salida had to strain to hear.
�And what happens
to you if she leaves?� Salida knew she
was going to have to cancel her appointment.
There was no way she was going to make it today.
�You and Jeffrey
will get what you wanted. I�ll be
gone.� Sands was speaking to her, even
looking at her, but it was clear he wasn�t seeing her at all and was only
responding when questions were posed to him.
Oh . . . the
temptation to simply accept that was strong.
If she just stood by and did nothing, she�d have almost everything she
ever wanted . . . but something stopped her.
�You�re a fool,
Sheldon Sands,� she spat. �Your wife
loves you. And while she�s probably
fucking pissed and considering moving in with a friend for a few days,
committing pseudo-suicide isn�t going to help her get over things. Besides, I don�t want to risk what might
happen to Jeffrey if you kick the bucket.�
�Why do you
care?� Sands still seemed to be looking
right through her as he spoke. �You
don�t. You never have. Why don�t you just take what you want and
leave me alone? You want me gone. I�ll be gone.
Everybody�s happy.� His voice was
practically monochromatic.
�Yeah, except your
grieving widow and me when Jeffrey murders me in his sleep because he�s
unbalanced without you,� she muttered.
�He doesn't need
me. Why aren�t you taking what I�m
offering?� The barest hint of emotion,
of confusion, made its way into his voice.
�Who was fucking
around first, Sands? You or him? And while I think that by this time you two
have become so interdependent that the death of one means the death of the
other, I also think that you stand a better chase of surviving alone than he
does. I want nothing more than to have
you out of our life, but not at the risk of his.�
Sands closed his
eyes tightly at her words. �Why should I
stay? There�s nothing for me here. The only thing I had . . . was her. And I sent her away. There�s nothing else.�
�Her room�s on the
fucking second floor, Sands. And she
hasn�t come downstairs.� Salida was
getting exasperated by this point.
Sands barely had
time to process her words before he found himself on his feet and racing up the
stairs. He had fucked everything
up. He had to fix it. He didn�t really think things could be fixed,
but he had to fucking try. He apchedched
his and Aida�s room hesitantly, wiping at his still bleeding lip absently � he
had bitten into it hard when Salida had punched him. If he was lucky, it would scar and he�d have
a reminder of what a complete fucking idiot he was. Had to fix this. Had to try.
�Aida?� he called out softly, not daring to enter the room. The fucking nightmare that had been waiting
its turn in the line of things plaguing him returned with a vengeance and he
was for a moment convinced that he would find her dead on the bed after having
called out to him. That quickened his
steps and he moved into the bedroom.
�Just give me a
moment and I�ll be ready to go.� Her
voice was calm, as if she were talking about a jaunt to the store or
something. Her actions however, were
anything but casual. There was a
suitcase on the bed, half packed, and an odd sparkle on the nightstand. It was her wedding ring.
It was funny. Sands had always half jokingly claimed that
he didn�t have a heart. If that had been
true, then he wouldn�t have felt it shattering now. His voice broke along with his heart, and his
words came out in desperate cries.
�Don�t go. Please. Oh god, I�m sorry. Don�t go.
Stay. I can�t do this without
you. I love you. Call me Sheldon, whatever you want, just
don�t go.� He wanted very much to run to
her but he couldn�t. He was rooted to
the spot, unable to move. �Don�t. . .�
�That�s funny,� she
said very slowly as she folded a t-shirt.
�Oh well . . . it must be one of those things I�ll never
understand. But perhaps this is just
your attempt at a joke, in which case you�d be right about me not knowing you
and never understanding you.� Aida was
very careful not to turn and look at him.
She�d seen too many women trapped in abusive relationships to cherish
one herself. This had to be done.
�No. . .� Sands
moaned; a piece of his shattered heart broke even further. If she left, there would be nothing
left. No heano sno soul, no life. �Not a joke.
Never a joke. You understand me
better than I understand myself, Aida.
You know me better than I know myself.
You always have. Please don�t do
this. I�ll do anything. Just don�t leave. Please.
I�m sorry. I�m so sorry. I didn�t mean it. Any of it.
I got mad. You made me tell you
about my dream. I took it out on
you. Please, I had to watch you die in
my dream. I can�t lose you again. I can�t.�
�I won�t stand it,
Sands.� She emphasized his last name,
refusing to use his first name even though he�d given her the permission she
wanted. �I won�t stay here until I�m too
weak to leave, trapped with a man who verbally abuses me because he can�t help
himself. That�s what my uncle used to
say to my aunt when he beat her while he was drunk. �I�m sorry.
Don�t leave. I didn�t mean
it.�� The shirt went into the
suitcase. �She stayed. As far as I know, she�s even still
alive. But she doesn�t love her
husband. I want to love you. But you�re making it fucking hard.�
�Tell me how to fix
it. I�ll do it. Anything.
Just don�t go.� His lip had
started bleeding again but he paid it no mind.
What he did think about was the fact that he wouldn�t be able to change
her mind; that she would leave him. If
that happened . . . if that happened he�d make them all happy and blow the back
of his head off. Sure, Aida would mourn,
maybe, and so would Salida, but they would get over it eventually. This knowledge brought him a kind of
peace. He even had a gun. He�d just have to find it, put it against his
temple, pull the trigger and it�d all be over.
He�d be over. But he didn�t want
that to happen. �Don�t go. What can I do to make you stay? Tell me, please.�
�You can�t make me
stay,� she murmured. �You can�t make me
do a damn thing. Just like I can�t make
you do anything. The most you can do is
convince me to stay, and I don�t know how you can do that. It�s not something I can tell you how to
do. You just have to know.� Couldn�t he tell that she was doing this as
slowly as she could? She didn�t want to
leave! Her heart screamed at her to
stay. To forgive. To forget. But her mind told her that if she didn�t make
her point, the next time he chose to take out his anger on her would come
sooner and be worse.
�I can�t make you
stay,� he repeated dejectedly. �You�re
right. I can�t. It�s not my choice. Never was.
I can�t make promises. I can�t
say this will never happen again because I don�t know that it won�t. I can�t say I�ll change because I don�t think
I can. I can only ask you to stay and
say that I�ll try. I�ll try to
change. Because I love you too much not
to. I don�t want this to happen
again. And as long as I�m . . . like
this, it could. I�d try to change for
you.� He didn�t know what else to
say. He wouldn�t give up yet
though. If she still wouldn�t stay, he�d
keep fighting until she would. He wanted
to keep that gun out of his hand.
With a dejected
sigh, Aida took a seat on the bed.
�That�s all I can ask for, isn�t it?
For you to try. All I can ask for
without ruining other lives, and at least one of those an innocent.�
�I�ll try. I promise.
I�ll do whatever you want. I�m so
sorry, spitfire. I never meant to hurt
you. Never. I�ll tell you everything if that�s what you
want. Every nightmare, every thought,
everything. Just don�t leave me.�
�That�s not what I
want!� she yelled, standing to look at him for the first time since he'd come
into the room. Her eyes were red-rimmed
and her cheeks were wet with tears. �You
can�t bribe me with your confidences. I
don�t want your duty. If I wanted duty
I�d go home. I want you to want to tell me things because you know
that I�ll do whatever I can to help you.
I got married to stand at your side, not to be the whore in your bed.�
�I�m sorry. I�ll try.
It�s hard. I�m not used to asking
for help,� he whispered. �And I would never think of you that way,� he said
with conviction.
She couldn�t keep
fighting. She wasn�t strong enough. This had already taxed her energy. �Fine.
I�ll stay.�
�Do you mean that?�
Sands dared to hope. His heart was still
shattered, but not beyond repair. At
least, he hoped not.
�Yes.� She sat down again and closed her eyes,
rubbing at her temples.
Sands closed his
eyes and felt his entire being give off a wave of relief. �I�m so sorry, Aida. I never meant to hurt you. I don�t know why I got so mad at you. I�m sorry.�
�I know you
are. You don�t have to say it
again.� Her voice was flat.
�Yes I do. I don�t know what else to say.�
�Then don�t say
anything. Words aren�t always
necessary.�
Sands nodded slowly
and moved to stand beside her. He wanted
nothing more than to take her into his arms and never let go, but he
couldn�t. Not yet. He didn�t deserve the comfort.
Aida could feel him
standing beside her, and she would have left him there for some time, but a hot
tickle in her nostril roused her. With a
strangled cry of frustration, she shot up and ran into the bathroom, stemming
the flow of blood from her nose with one hand.
Ripping several Kleenex out of the box, she sat down on the toilet
seat. It was the last straw. Tears she�d held in check refused to be
dammed up anymore. Her hand slowly fell
back into her lap and blood dripped off her lip onto her shirt. She didn�t care. It wasn�t important.
�Spitfire?� Sands
called out, worried beyond measure at her abrupt leaving. He had not seen her bloody nose and didn�t
know why she had run out. The only thing
he did know was that she didn�t run away from him, only to the bathroom, and
that was enough. He opened the bathroom
door and looked in on her. All he saw
was the blood. Blood on her face, on her
lips, on her shirt. It was much too
close to the image in his nightmare for him to handle it properly. He backed awaolenolently, whispering a plea
of no over and over again. �You said you
wouldn�t leave me. Don�t do this. Oh god.
I can�t �� He tripped and fell
backwards, landing hard on the floor. It
was there he remained, murmuring to himself and shaking his head. His mind and his eyes were arguing with each
other over what he had seen. Was she
really dead? He couldn�t bear to
check. If she was, then it wouldn�t
matter � he�d be joining her soon, and if she wasn�t then she had to come out
of there sooner or later and assuage his fears.
He preferred that option.
�Damn you,� she
whispered. �It�s just a bloody
nose. I�m not dying.� Not
yet. Halfheartedly she grabbed some
more tissue and mopped up what blood she could.
The initial bleeding had stopped, but her face was still a mess.
He�d heard
her. �I�m sorry. It was like the dream. I didn�t know. I�m sorry.�
He didn�t move from his position on the floor leaning against the bed
though.
She had to remind
herself to be patient. The man had
watched her die in a dream. Die because
of him. He was still rattled. Stop
making excuses! her rational mind screamed at her. She did her best to ignore it. She wasn�t pardoning his earlier actions, but
rather his current fear.
Moving with the
tired motions of the very old or those in extreme pain, she leaned over the
sink and turned off the faucet. As soon
as the water was warm, she started washing the blood off her face as best she
could.
Sands wanted to ask
if she was alright, but he didn�t. He
didn�t want her to get mad at him for something he said so he simply kept his
mouth shut and waited for her to return. He was as calm as he was going to get, it
seemed. He was sitting against the bed
on the floor and the trembling in his hands had almost stopped. That was good. He needed a clear head. He couldn�t fall apart now.
Aida reappeared in
the bedroom sans blood and bloody shirt.
She wanted to comfort her husband, but a small, vindictive part of her
kept her focused on finding another shirt.
The one she grabbed was an overlarge tee that had belonged to one of her
brothers and was soft with too many washings.
It should have been turned into a dusting rag long ago, but she hadn�t
had the heart to throw it out. Just like
she didn�t have the heart to ask her husband to leave.
Moving slowly, she
pushed her suitcase off the bed and crawled under the covers. All she wanted to do was pretend this morning
had never happened.
Sands didn�t know
what to do. And he sure as hell didn�t
know what to say. He had watched his
wife move about the room as if he hadn�t even existed, and it had hurt. He�d deserved it, but it still hurt. �Do you want me to leave? Sunrise probably has to go to her . . .
appointment now. So I�ll-I�ll just
go.� He said the words, but he didn�t
move from his position on the floor.
�I�m not going to
ask you to leave, Sands.� Not when it would be a punishment. �If Salida wants Jeffrey, she can come get
him.�
�Alright,� he said
softly, leaning his head back against the bed and raising a hand up to wipe the
blood off of his lips and chin. It hurt
like hell, but it was just something else that he had deserved. If Salida hadn�t stopped him � if she hadn�t
made him remember what was important � Aida would have been gone. He pushed that thought deep within his mind,
not dwelling on it for more than a second.
If he did, he�d start trembling again and he didn�t know if he�d be able
to stop. He had come so close to losing
her.
�Go clean up your
face,� she murmured.
Sands nodded and
rose to his feet and walked to the bathroom without a word. The face he saw in the mirror shocked him
more than a little. In addition to the
blood, his face was very, very pale. If
he had gotten any sun at all in Hawaii � god, even thinking about how happy he
had been then with her cut deep into him � it didn�t show now. The dark circles under his eyes didn�t help
his overall appearance any either. He
turned on the faucet and cupped his hand under the water, bringing it up to his
chin and lip and staring transfixed as the water in the sink turned red. He watched it spin down the drain for a long
moment before pulling away again to look at himself. His lip was still oozing blood slowly, but
besides licking at it, there wasn�t much else he could do. It would stop sooner or later. He turned the water off, dried himself with a
clean towel and walked back into the bedroom.
Aida heard his
approaching footsteps, heard his hesitation.
With a resigned sigh, she reached out one arm and patted his pillow, and
invitn fon for him to have a seat.
Sands moved to sit
where she had directed him, still not saying a word. He didn�t lay down; laying down might lead to
sleep and that was the last thing he wanted right now. Sleep would only bring more nightmares, and
his waking hours were fucked up as it was already without adding to it.
�Sands, I love you,� she murmured, �but I
can�t let you walk over me like you were.
You understand that, right?�
�I�m sorry. �Then what should I
say? I know I treated you horribly,
Aida. I have no excuse. I say I�m sorry, that I didn�t mean it, but
that�s a lie. At the time I meant every
word I said. It doesn�t matter that I
wasn�t really aware of what I was saying, or that I don�t mean them now. It was still me saying those words. I-I probably would have even hurt you if I
had had the chance. I tried to hit
Salida,� his voice was very soft.
There wasn�t much
to say to that. �I wouldn�t have let you
hurt me, Sands.�
�Not the
point. The point is, if I had the
chance, I would have tried. There�s no
excusing that. I don�t blame you for
wanting to leave. I would have wanted
the same in your position.� He felt his
lip bleeding again and was tempted to simply ignore it and let it bleed, but
she had already told him to get cleaned up once, so he licat iat it. He did his best to ignore the feelings the
taste of the blood brought with it.
�Just leave it be,
Sands. There�s nothing we can do to
change the pa
I choose to forgive you.�
�Why?� The question was honest, the confusion plain
on his face. �Why forgive me?�
�I love you. I chose to stay. By that simple act I�m saying that what you
did wasn�t enough to drive me away. So
why bother holding on to it? I�d rather
save my strength for other things than use it to keep being mad at you.�
�I don�t understand
. . . but I�m not goingarguargue with you over it. I�m not that stupid,� he muttered. �Thanks.�
How could he not
understand a simple thing like forgiveness?
Was it him, or was it that no one had ever shown it to him before? �I hope you don�t mind, but I hate your parents.�
�Why? They�re long dead. You never even knew them,� he pointed out
with a frown. '> �No one hated them. No one except me.�
�They didn�t love
you. That�s more than enough reason for
me to hate them.�
�Was that your
reason this time?�
�Do I need
another?� How would his life have been
different if he�d had his parent�s love?
�It�s enough that they didn�t appreciate the gift that was given them.�
�I wasn�t a gift to
them. I was a burden,� he muttered under
his breath with a scowl. �No I guess
not,� he said aloud, shrugging slightly.
�But you should
have been. Because you are. You�re my
gift.�
�Not today I�m
not,� he said, turning to look at her with sorrowful eyes.
�No. Even today.�
�How can you say
that? After what I did ��
�Because without
you, I�d be wasting away in my apartment, too poor to afford the medications
they�ot mot me on, much less the treatment.
And I would be alone. Because of
you I�m not alone. And that�s what�s most important to me.�
�You�re not. Never,� Sands said with conviction.
�Then you are a gift. Now stop arguing or I�m going to extract a
fee from you.�
�Alright. No more arguing,� he said softly, a ghost of
a smile shifting across his face for a brief instant.
Aida rolled across
the bed until she was pressed against Sands� legs. �I�m not going to hold you to it, you know,�
she murmured, looking up at him though half open eyes.
The contact of her
body pressed against his calmed and reassured him more than any words she could
have possibly said. �Don�t believe that
I can go without arguing?� he asked softly, the ghost of a smile returning for
a longer instant before fading away.
�No. The part about your name.�
�Oh.� A pause.
�Why not?�
�Because you didn�t
mean it. You were only using it as a
bribe, and your name means more to me than that.�
�Oh. You can . . . use it if you want. I-It�s ok.�
�It�s not a matter
of whether or not I want to use it, Sands.
It�s a matter of whether or not you want to hear it.�
�Alright. I think I understand. You want me to ask. You want using it to mean something.�
�Something like
that, yeah.�
�Ok.� He wouldn�t ask for her to use his name.
She heard the
closed tone of his voice. Glancing up at
him she asked, �Just what would it take to make you want to hear your own
name?� There was no mistaking the quiet
humor in her inquiry.
�A legal document
changing it to something worth hearing,� he responded dryly.
�Be serious. I really want to know. Oh . . . and uh. . .� she gestured towards
the diamond ring still on his nightstand and presented her hand.
He turned and
grabbed the ring, gently sliding it on to her right ring finger. �I didn�t like seeing it there,� he said, his
eyes darting to the nightstand for a brief instant before moving back to her
hand. �About the name . . . I don�t
know. I just don�t like it. I never have.
Too many . . . associations."
�But I could give
it better ones if you�d let me.�
�You already
have. Some.�
That made her hope
a bit. �I already said that I�m not
going to use it again unless you ask. I
just want to know how I�m supposed to make you want to ask.�
�I can�t tell you
what I don�t know, spitfire. I�m
sorry. I just don�t know. Something pretty fucking big.�
�Use your
imagination and assume I won�t say no,� she pressed.
�Probably the
easiest way to get me to ask you to use it is to put me in a position where not
asking would be unthinkable. Where
having you use it is the best � and only � option. Savvy?�
�Like if I started
calling you Mr. Cuddlebottoms or something?� she asked wryly.
Sands made a
face. �Not quite what I had in
mind.� He took a breath and pushed all
of his hesitations regarding her aside.
�I told you that you made some good associations with my name. That�s true.
Most of those occur when you�re screaming it as you�re lost in
orgasm. Work on that point, and it�ll
take you a long way. Get me to a certain
point and no further and I�ll be begging you to call me by my first name. It�s not quite what you have in mind � I
still won�t like it � but it�ll be a start.�
She looked at him,
none of her thoughts showing in her eyes.
After a period of silence she murmured, �I�ll keep it under
consideration.� What she was really
thinking was that forgiveness or no, she wasn�t ready to be intimate with her
husband yet.
�I�m just saying,�
he murmured softly. He leaned back
against the headboard. The headache that
had been plaguing him earlier had come back and seemed to have brought
friends. He made face and pressed the
heel of his brow to his forehead for a long moment before letting his hand drop
and blinking a few times before looking down at her. �What time�s your appointment?�
�It doesn�t
matter. I�m already late for it.�
�Its in three
hours,� a new voice disagreed. Both
Sands and Aida looked up to find Salida lounging in their doorway. �Glad to see you have things worked out,� she
murmured, a strange tone of regret in her voice.
�Thank you. Sorry I . . . tried to hit you,� Sands said
softly, looking over at Salida with a frown.
�Don�t. I don�t want to hear it.� Spinning on her heel she stalked back the way
she�d come. �Three hours remember.�
Sands sighed and
placed his hand to his head again. �Fucking
great. Now she�s pissed at me. That�ll make the next few days fun,� he
muttered darkly.
�Don�t worry. I have the impression that she�s pissed at
everyone. Hormones,� she explained
shortly.
�If that�s supposed
to make me feel better, it doesn�t,� Sands said with another sigh, wincing a
little as he tried to push the pain away through the sheer force of his
hand. It wasn�t working.
�Com�ere,� she
sighed. If he still had a headache, she
should do something to make it go away.
�You don�t have to
do anything. I�ll be alright,� he said,
lowering his hand and looking at her.
�See?� He didn�t sound very
convincing.
�I thought you were
going to try to stop arguing,� she murmured.
�Come here.�
�I wasn�t �� he
paused on the verge of an argument.
�Fine.� He moved over to her.
�If you weren�t
arguing, then you were being stubborn, and that�s just as bad,� she told him,
as she gently rested her fingers against his temples. �Now just be quiet and let me help you.�
Sands had been
about to say that he hadn�t been stubborn, but knowing how stubborn he could be
it was a safe bet that he probably had been.
He settled for a nod.
Very carefully,
Aida started caressing the thin skin of his temples. Her fingers were cool, almost a startling
contrast to what felt like the raging inferno inside his head. As time passed though, she let her touch grow
more and more sure until she was massaging the headache from his brain. Or at least she was making a hell of an
effort to do so.
Sands blinked,
trying to keep himself awake. Her
fingers had dulled his headache enough that he could ignore it awhile ago and
now they were serving to put him to sleep.
�You can stop now, if you want.
Headache�s gone. Well, it�s not
as bad anyway. Thanks.�
�Sleep will help it
go away,� she murmured, not stopping.
�Stop. Don�t.
I don�t want to sleep. I�m
fine.� He realized that his words had
been a bit harsh and made an effort to calm down. �It�s ok, really. It�s practically gone already.�
�You�re exhausted,� she said in that same
soothing voice. �Sleep. I�ll watch over you. You won�t dream.�
�How do you know I
won�t? It wasn�t even me having that
fucking dream last night. It was
Jeffrey. And yet, I still saw. I was there.
I don�t want to have it again. I
can�t.�
�I�ll watch your
eyes. The moment you enter REM sleep,
I�ll wake you up a little. It might not
be as fulfilling as real sleep, but it should help.�
Sands still didn�t
trust it, but he couldn�t deny that he was tired. He had seen what he�d looked like in the
mirror earlier; the dark circles under his eyes and his pale face, and he knew
that even a little bit of sleep would work to changing that. �Alright.
For a little while. But don�t
forget about your appointment. Salida�s
appointment. Whoever�s appointment.�
�I won�t.� She brushed her lips against his
forehead. �Sleep.�
He still didn�t
want to, but with the combination of her soothing voice and fingers he didn�t
seem too have a choice. He was fast asleep
before the fleeting warmth of her almost kiss across his forehead faded.
- 36
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More Than Darkness