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Heaven in His Eyes	By : Auska Category: 1 through F > Four Brothers Views: 1172 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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~Heaven in His Eyes~

By: Aerys Krystie.

With Jack’s scream of his name still ringing in his ears, Bobby opened his eyes. He looked at the bed in front of him and found that Jack had fallen asleep facing him. He looked over his shoulder when the door opened and saw Jeremiah and Camille standing there, staring at him. Bobby nodded at them and got to his feet, stretching out his back. It had been years since he last slept in a chair, beside a brother’s bed.
Camille hugged Bobby as he approached the door, which made Bobby freeze, raise an eyebrow and demand answers from Jeremiah silently. Jeremiah shrugged and Camille released him, giving him a small smile. She said she would take his place, so Jack could wake up to a familiar face. Bobby nodded and expected Jeremiah to follow her in, though he was surprised when his little brother followed him to the cafeteria so he could grab a coffee, but didn’t show it.
Bobby got his coffee and sat down at an empty table, ignoring the food that Jeremiah pushed towards him. He didn’t have any kind of appetite after learning that one of the first times he was there for Jack, he thought it was Jeremiah. He knew he couldn’t blame Jack or Jerry for it, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to blame himself for something that was out of his control. He sighed and poured most of the sugar container into his cup, stirring it slowly and looking out the windows that showed a grassy area.
“The doc called me this morning, letting me know that Jack had a night terror earlier. He wanted to know if there was a reason he’d scream your name,” Jeremiah said softly, as though speaking any louder would disrupt the peace. “I told him it was the same reason I screamed ya name when I had night terrors.”
Bobby closed his eyes momentarily and sighed. He opened them and saw that the sky was gray, instead of blue. He drank his coffee, trying to ignore the memories that were crashing into his mind. He’d forgotten that Jeremiah and Angel had screamed for him at night. He figured that was because it happened fifteen years ago, while Jack was more recent than them.
However, Jack never made a sound during his nightmares and night terrors. Bobby knew that because he often had to check on him, just to make sure he was still breathing. Jack was always a quiet kid and always suffered in silence, not wanting to be a burden to anyone else. He’d peek into Jack’s room on his way to the bathroom in the middle of the night and find Jack sitting on the edge of the bed, staring into space.
Bobby found himself wishing Ma was still alive, since she’d know how to handle the situation. He couldn’t walk in there and beat the memories into Jack, like he wanted to. He could feel Jeremiah’s eyes on him, waiting for him to react more than just a sigh. What could he do? Break down and cry about how much it pained him that the light of his life didn’t remember him? He didn’t have that luxury. He’s the oldest Mercer and he had to be strong for his brothers.
Jeremiah gave a bittersweet half-smile. “I actually forgot that I had night terrors, until this mornin’ when the doc mentioned Jack’s. Seems like somethin’ weird to forget, right?” He studied Bobby’s face, seeing that it was completely blank, even his eyes were dead. All of them knew what the toll was on Bobby, especially when he thought he’d lost Jack. He and Angel weren’t blind; they saw what Jack meant to Bobby and what Bobby used to mean to Jack.
Bobby finished his coffee and sat back, slouching in the chair and refusing to look at his younger brother. He had no idea what Jeremiah wanted from him. He was there because the nurses thought it would be best to have the person Jack was screaming for show up. As much as he wanted to ignore the phone ringing at two in the morning, he knew he couldn’t. He had to make sure he was there for his brothers, regardless on if they remembered him or not.
“Y’know, when Jack was in his coma, I pulled out the photo album Ma put together for me, when I finally moved out. She didn’t want me to ever forget my family, like I could.” Jeremiah pulled one of the photos from his pocket and placed it on the table. Bobby ignored it. “I went through each and every photo and I told Camille what every occasion was. I remembered when she took every picture, man. I remember all of them.”
Bobby finally glanced at the picture and immediately looked away. It was the first Christmas all five of them spent together; the first year Jack arrived. Evelyn had gotten Jack a pair of skates for that Christmas, while Bobby got him the stick. Angel got Jack his first studded belt and Jeremiah got him a black hoodie that he practically lived in for the next seven years of his life. All of them had those memories, except Jack’s were fragmented. He’d probably remember everything about that day, except where Bobby was.
“I remember how scared Jack was, when he first arrived. I remember how you shoved Angel into the role of big brother, even though he didn’t want to be.” Jeremiah grinned and sipped his coffee, thinking back to how jealous of Jack Angel had been, as he wasn’t ready to stop being the baby of the family. However, once Angel realized that Jack needed three big brothers, he quickly and easily fell into that role. “This is also the first time that Jack actually smiled in a picture taken, until I noticed a pattern.”
Bobby frowned. Once Jack realized that his past wasn’t going to take him away or break him, he was actually a happy kid. He loved to smile, especially when he was being taught to cook. Bobby always knew that Jack was going to be an expressive kid, as he couldn’t hide his fear, even if he wanted to. It made for easy jokes at his expense, which would eventually lead to him being hurt, something Bobby never wanted to. It was his God given right, though, as a big brother.
“Y’know, it’s kinda strange, man,” Jeremiah continued on, deciding that if Bobby wasn’t going to react, he’d force one from him. “I don’t have that many memories when it was just me and you or when Angel joined us. It’s like all of my memories started being captured when Jack came into the house. I dunno, I guess it’s like he completed us or somethin’.”
Bobby forced back the tightness that was beginning to constrict his chest. He had every memory of when he was the only Mercer boy. He remembered when Jeremiah was brought into the house. He’d never forget when Angel was brought home. He remembered teaching both of them how to skate and giving them their love for hockey, which seemed to peter out a little as they got older. He remembered how angry Jeremiah was with him when he burned down his tree house and made him watch. He remembered each person he had to kill in order to keep his brothers safe.
He heard Jeremiah place another three photographs on the table, but he refused to look at them. They were all memories he had, but ones that were broken to Jack. All he wanted was to have his little brother back, his Jackie, his fuckin’ fairy. The memories and pictures might be something for Angel and Jeremiah to enjoy looking at, but they weren’t the ones forgotten by the youngest Mercer brother. They weren’t the ones that saw the spark of life leave Jack’s lively eyes. They weren’t the ones that had to deal with the blank or confused expressions as he talked about memories.
“I know it don’t mean shit to you, man, but it’s killin’ Jack that he can’t remember ya.” Jeremiah kept the smirk from his face as Bobby glared at him. That was the reaction he wanted. He knew that Bobby cared how much it hurt Jack. He and Angel knew how much it killed both of them that there was something that violence couldn’t fix. He held up the photo of Jack’s first Halloween with them. “When Jack was with us, it was the only time we ever brought the cops home on Halloween, man. When it was just the three of us, we did the usual Devil’s Night bullshit, especially when you talked us into it…What is your fascination with burnin’ shit?”
Bobby stared at the photo. Jack was dressed in Bobby’s Red Wings jersey, pretending to be a profession hockey player. He looked so happy as he stood beside his older brothers. Angel had agreed to take Jack door to door for two hours, before the three of them dropped him off home and headed to a party. It hadn’t gone that way, of course. They were momentarily distracted and Jack was lured into a house, which ended quickly as Bobby had broken the door off the hinges and pounded the guy nearly to death in front of his girlfriend and her friends, who had called the cops on him.
Ma hadn’t been too pleased to have the police show up on her stoop, especially when she saw the state her sons were in, as they’d all taken to kicking the shit out the guy and his friends. Bobby still didn’t understand how no one in the house would think it weird that some college guy was inviting an eleven year old into the house. Since that year, Bobby refused to be more than a foot from Jack whenever he went to someone’s door.
Bobby looked down at the other photos and frowned at one in particular. He picked it up. Jack was laughing, a hand in the back pocket of his jeans as he pointed at Jeremiah in his first tweed suit, while Bobby was draped over Jack, laughing just as hard. He remembered that day so clearly, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember Ma ever taking that picture. He quickly found out why, as he saw her standing just behind Jeremiah, who was looking proud of his suit. She had a gentle smile on her face, but she wasn’t looking at Jeremiah. Her eyes were on focused on him and Jack.
He remembered that day. He picked up the other photo. Jack couldn’t have been any older than fourteen in it, as he sat on the sofa beside Bobby. Both had their arms on their knees and Jack was smiling at him, almost shyly while Bobby grinned about something. Jeremiah was on Jack’s left, sitting back and Bobby could see him shaking his head. That was the day that Bobby told them he was trying out for the league.
The warm feeling he received from those photos disappeared and Bobby dropped them to the table, gazing at Jeremiah with cold indifference. He also remembered the day he left without saying a thing to Jack or to Ma or to anyone else. He could be grateful for small miracles, since Jack would never remember that day and he would never remember the way Bobby had fled from his problems.
Jeremiah had watched the emotions play over Bobby’s face, the way they danced through his eyes. He knew all the memories would be bittersweet, especially the ones that had Ma in them. “We don’t know why ya left, man and we don’t care why ya did. But Jack needs ya more than ever before. When ya left the way ya did, it destroyed him. I was in the union and a year later, Angel enlisted. Ma was busy with work and the one person he thought he could count on wanted nothin’ to do with him.” He inhaled deeply, thinking back to the broken teen that Jack had been when the family fractured. “Don’t break him this time, Bobby. He needs you.”
Bobby lowered his eyes to the table, making sure not to look at the photos, before he glared at the window. He knew that his leaving would break Jack, but he had also used the excuse of the league to get out of not calling or visiting. When he did call, he made sure that Jack wasn’t there. If he heard Jack’s voice, he just muttered something in a different accent and would hang up. It had been so easy to lock Jack out of his life back then, but he also knew that Jeremiah was right.
Jack needed his big brothers to help make him whole again, which just made everything more difficult. Bobby nodded and stood up, saying he was heading home to check something out. He wanted to see if Jack brought any of the pictures from his photo album. Ma had made one for all of them, as though she thought that somehow they’d all forget their family.
Bobby hadn’t thought it was possible, he realized as he walked out of the hospital and went to his car. He didn’t think any of them would ever forget where they came from or who was there to save them. In a way, he was right. Jack hadn’t forgotten where he came from or who had saved him. Evelyn Mercer was the person that saved him. Bobby was just the brother that showed Jack how violent the world could be, even with family. He hadn’t saved his baby brother.
Here’s your chance to save him now, Ma’s voice whispered through his mind. Bobby opened the door to his car and paused, looking up at the fifth floor that Jack was on. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it that way, before. He did have a chance to save his baby brother and he would be damned if he was going to lose it.

Jack sighed as the door closed and rested against his pillows. To say he was disappointed when he opened his eyes and saw Camille in the chair would be an understatement. Camille told him that Bobby had gone to get a coffee with Jeremiah, as he needed to talk to his big brother. Jack had been curious on what seemed so important that Jeremiah would take Bobby away from him, but he got the feeling that Camille wouldn’t know what the Mercer boys spoke about.
While he waited for Bobby to return, Camille had spoken to him about Daniela and Amelia, which always made Jack smile. She had shown him a photo of the girls in their gymnastics leotards and he had to grin at how adorable they looked, especially with the pink and white bows in their hair. Apparently, Daniela was doing a lot better than any of them thought she would, as she had been bumped into the year ahead of her. If there was anything he knew about the Mercer family it was that they were determined, in whatever they applied themselves to.
Camille had hesitantly handed over a photo to him and Jack frowned, taking it and looking at it. In it, he was around eleven or twelve. All four of them were in the living room, Bobby sitting in the center of the sofa with Jeremiah on his right and Angel on his left. Jack was sitting on the floor, between Bobby’s legs, while Bobby was leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Jack’s shoulders, as Jeremiah and Angel each ruffled Jack’s hair. He remembered the day it was taken and he was definitely twelve. It was the day he got into the band at school.
The problem was that he couldn’t remember Bobby being there, despite the photographic evidence of it. He had to ask himself why he was sitting on the floor if there was a spot on the sofa. He had to ask himself why he got a secure and warm feeling when he thought about it. Seeing the way Bobby held him told him why he got that feeling, but the memory of Jeremiah and Angel ruffling his hair as Mom took the picture wasn’t matching up.
He cried out as a searing pain rushed to his head. He closed his eyes and saw his thirteenth birthday, which were just him and his family. He frowned as he saw Jeremiah and Angel giving him gifts, but there was a misty outline of someone holding something. Jack had been hesitant to take it, because he knew it was a CD and he wasn’t sure if the person giving it to him would know his taste in music, which was generally rock and especially rock ballads.
The image became clearer and he saw that it was Bobby giving him the CD, which had a giant pink bow on it and the cheeky smirk on his face. Jack had opened it last, wanting to see what new clothing Jeremiah and Angel had gotten him. He received his wallet chain from Angel and a new hoodie from Jeremiah. The memory was fading as Jack began opening the gift from Bobby and eventually disappeared, just before he saw the title of the CD.
Opening his eyes, Jack panted and realized he was hunched over, hands on his head and that there were tears on the photograph. He slowly straightened and swallowed, grabbing the cup of water on the table. He drank the contents quickly and looked over at Camille. She was watching him, concern etched on her face, as though she wanted to the okay to call the doctors or to heave a sigh of relief. Jack smiled at her and her shoulders slumped with relief.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered and saw the glare she shot him about apologizing. “I just…I think it was a memory. I think…I think I remembered Bobby giving me a present for my thirteenth birthday.”
As Camille gushed about how good that was, Jack just stared at the photo that was still on his lap. Bobby really was his brother, he suddenly thought. So why was there more than just a brotherly love and affection for him, as it wasn’t present for Angel and Jeremiah? There was something about Bobby that made Jack feel secure and loved, but also made him feel safe. That was the important thing.
In the photo, Bobby wasn’t restraining him so Angel and Jeremiah could mess up his hair. In fact, Jack didn’t feel the need to stop them, despite loving his hair and wanting it look perfect. In fact, Bobby didn’t need to touch him at all, yet he was. He needed answers and he wasn’t sure who he could turn to, since Camille probably wasn’t aware of what they were like before they fragmented off to live their on their own.
“What…was he like?” Jack finally asked and looked up. He could see that Camille knew who he was talking about, as it was the only person he ever spoke about.
Camille pursed her lips slightly as she looked down, clearly searching for the right words to describe the oldest Mercer brother. “I don’t know him very well, but from what Jerry’s told me, I know he loves his family fiercely. While Jerry didn’t go into detail, I know there isn’t anything Bobby wouldn’t do to keep his family safe. Bobby is the kind of person that will always protect what he’s been told to protect.”
Jack looked down at the photo as Camille spoke. Her last words repeated in his mind as he stared at the neutral face Bobby had on for the picture. His eyes were dancing, though. Back then, all Bobby had to protect Jack from was bullies. Jack wasn’t really all that wild in his teenage years, especially when Bobby left. He froze and looked up, staring at the wall. How did he know Bobby left?
Why did Bobby leave? It was a question he felt was already answered. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he told himself that he’d done something to make Bobby leave. He tried to bring up what it was, but he was drawing a strong blank on it. All he remembered was being injured the day before he discovered Bobby gone. He had messed up badly and it was enough for Bobby to remove every personal possession he had in the house and never return.
When Camille left, Jack was left alone with his thoughts and the fact that he’d done something really bad. He knew that Angel had enlisted in the marines and that Jeremiah was fighting on his union work. Neither of them knew why Bobby had left or if they did, they wouldn’t say why. It was infuriating Jack that he couldn’t remember the basics of his life. It fell to his brothers and Bobby to fill in those blanks and the most important blank couldn’t be filled by anyone, except Bobby and Jack got the feeling that he wouldn’t answer it.
Despite the rest he got, Jack wanted to close his eyes and fall asleep again. However, before he could do that, the door to his room opened. He figured it was Angel and Sofi and as much as he loved seeing them, he really didn’t want to take another walk down memory lane. He really didn’t want to think about the gaps in his memory, which only revolved around Bobby. In fact, he didn’t want to think about Bobby at all, as it just left him feeling depressed and angry.
Unfortunately, he knew the body that stood in the door, talking quietly with a doctor. The outline belonged to none other than Bobby, which slapped Jack with the depression of not knowing his oldest brother and the anger he felt towards himself for not knowing him. He had no idea why Bobby would be there, considering he left before he woke. Jack assumed he didn’t want to spend time with him, unless he absolutely had to, like that morning.
Bobby nodded at something the doctor said and entered the room, not bothering to close the door. He approached the bed and Jack tilted his head slightly, curious on what Bobby wanted from him. He only had that one memory come back to him and he had no idea what the CD was, but something told him it was a favorite of his and that he listened to it constantly, despite not usually listening to the band.
Jack looked at his legs. How did he know it was a band and not a singer? He blinked and stared at the photo album that had ‘Jack’s Memories’ written on it. He smiled, unable to believe he forgot to take that with him when he left home. He hadn’t been strong enough to look at it when they got back, either. He was having a hard time keeping his emotions under control when he entered his bedroom and saw that it was the same. He only took a handful of pictures of home with him and they were the ones he took of his family.
“Jerry reminded me that we all have one. I found yours while I was fixin’ up ya bedroom and figured you’d get more use out of it here than at home.” Bobby hovered awkwardly for a few moments by the side of the bed and Jack frowned, looking up at him. Something was bothering him. “The doc says that you can go home tomorrow, if ya want. Angel and Sofi are there, so you wouldn’t be alone…with me or anythin’ like that.”
Jack lowered his eyes, thinking about home. He wanted to get back there, so he could sleep in his bed. He hadn’t tested his leg that much, so he wasn’t sure how he’d handle the walk up and down the stairs on a daily basis. He glanced up at Bobby and nodded. He wanted to get out of the hospital quickly and prayed that going home would jumpstart his lost memories. Being in the house that meant so much to them had to be a good thing. He dropped his eyes back to the album on his lap and Bobby left the room, saying he would be back tomorrow morning to collect him.
He barely nodded to indicate that he heard. His eyes were fixated on the album in front of him and he quickly realized that his hands were shaking. How many memories were in there? How many blank spots did he have in those memories?
Swallowing, Jack opened the album and saw that the first five photos were of him and Evelyn. A sharp pain hit his chest and he choked back a sob. The very first picture was the very first time he met Evelyn. She was sitting beside him at a small table that had building blocks and a coloring book open on it. Evelyn was the one person that didn’t frighten Jack when he was young. She had been warm and gentle and soothing with her words, voice and touches. She gave him hope, even in the social worker’s office.
With a deep breath, he turned the page and looked at his memories. There was a picture of him and Angel with their backpacks on and getting ready for Jack’s first day in a new school. Angel had Jack in a headlock, which made him laugh. He remembered that so clearly that he could almost feel the accidental bruising that Angel gave him around his neck. Angel wasn’t used to someone as pale as Jack and didn’t realize that he’d bruise like a peach.
The opposite page was when the blank spots started. He stared at the picture of him and Bobby on the living room sofa. Bobby was sitting forward, elbows on his knees, a beer bottle in one hand while the other moved, as though he was explaining something. He had a smile on his face and Jack was grinning beside him, looking moments from bursting out laughing. He was eleven when the picture was taken. That much he remembered about the photo.
The next one with him and Bobby was the same year, except it must have been during summer break. Jack was in a short sleeved shirt, staring at the TV and Bobby appeared as though he just came home from a construction job, judging by the clothing he wore. He had a can of soda pressed to his forehead with his eyes closed. The only thing Jack remembered about that moment was that he had the TV muted, because someone in the house was nursing a hangover. He assumed it was Angel, despite Angel only being fourteen at the time.
The next few pages were of him with Angel or Jeremiah or both. He flipped through the pages, until he found another photo that had Bobby in it. He never realized how camera happy Evelyn was when it came to her boys, as there were a dozen or so pictures each year. He found pictures from his twelfth birthday, including one of him hugging each of his brothers, even Bobby. The oldest Mercer boy had a smirk on his face, but he didn’t return the hug, unlike Angel and Jeremiah.
He found the picture of them in the living room, but unlike the photo Camille had handed him, there was no memory that came forth. Every time he thought about when the pictures were taken, he couldn’t see Bobby in the room. He couldn’t see him anywhere, despite what the pictures were telling him.
As he continued to look through the pages, he grew increasing frustrated that no more memories were coming forward. There was a huge part of him missing and nothing could make it better. He snapped the book shut and threw it at the wall, glaring for a few moments, before he closed his eyes and felt tears fall down his cheeks. He was tired of being lost. He was tired of feeling alone, despite having three brothers that cared deeply about him. None of them could fix him.
He sniffled and opened his eyes, surprised to see Bobby picking up the book and placing it on the bedside table. He suddenly realized that he didn’t remember Bobby leaving the room. He hadn’t heard the door close. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, feeling a little stiffness in his right shoulder, but he didn’t care about that. All he wanted to do was remember Bobby and get back the relationship he was missing from his brother. All he wanted was to have his oldest brother back.
“You shouldn’t force it, Jackie,” Bobby said quietly and sat on the chair. He sat forward, elbows on his knees and his head down. Jack stared at him, desperately scrabbling after an image of him doing the same thing while in the house. Unfortunately, it flitted by too quickly and he was left feeling hollow. “The doc says it’ll come back with time.”
Jack sighed and shook his head, throwing back the blankets. He sat on the edge of the bed, ignoring the way Bobby frowned at his actions. He didn’t even know what he was doing. He was tired of being in that bed, having some stranger help him with his leg while he lied there, staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore the fact that someone he didn’t know what was touching him. He raised his eyes and stared at Bobby.
“I’m tired of walking through shadows, Bobby. I’m tired of seeing the hurt on your face because I don’t remember you. I’m tired of trying to remember, but getting nothing. Most of all, I’m fuckin’ tired of not knowing you or remembering you. I want my life back! You fought the hardest to have me live and all I’ve done to thank you is forget you. I wanna go home today.”
Bobby stared at him, his face blank during the entire rant. Jack wasn’t going to lie, that hurt more than he thought it would. He expected to see something in Bobby’s eyes. Instead, his oldest brother just stared at him, as though he was waiting for something else to be said. Jack didn’t know what to say to him to make him understand how much it sucked. He knew that none of them would ever truly understand what he was going through, but they were all trying to help him through it the best way they knew how.
Somehow, he got the feeling that Bobby was restraining himself from helping Jack the way he knew how. Somehow, he knew that Bobby’s methods generally included violence of some description. He frowned as he saw Angel and a fuzzy outline walking toward to him. They emerged from the snow and if he squinted, he could make out a car that was overturned. Bobby had the same blank expression on his face; he noticed as the fuzzy silhouette got sharper and came into focus. He wasn’t out with Angel the night the shooters were killed. Bobby was there, as well.
“Your life,” Bobby began as he sat back and continued to look at Jack with the same blank expression. “Involves you goin’ back to New York. It involves you leavin’ us. It involves you not talkin’ to us. It involves you throwin’ everythin’ that ever cared about you into the wind and not givin’ a damn.”
Jack tried not to flinch at the hurt and anger that were in the words. Once again, Bobby’s face was carefully guarded as he spoke, but he couldn’t keep the emotions from his voice. Bobby was always the one that stepped up to the plate whenever something went bad. He knew that much about his oldest brother. Angel and Jeremiah didn’t tell him much about what Bobby had done for them, but they both knew that Bobby had killed for them. They both knew that Bobby had gone to prison for them.
Bobby was the hothead of the family, which only made Jack curious now. Why was he being so careful around his little brother? Did he not want to show that Jack leaving hurt him badly? Or was it because he didn’t want the family to fracture again, now that they were all together after so long? Jack had no idea what was going on inside of Bobby Mercer’s head and honestly, he wondered if anyone ever knew. Bobby was the mystery of the family. He killed and fought in the Mercer name, but he never really showed what he was feeling or thinking to anyone…except Evelyn.
Jack focused on the last words that Bobby said where the hurt and anger had truly seeped into the words. He never thought that. He had forgotten to take the entire photo album with him, but that was because he didn’t want to explain his family to anyone. He knew that the entire world wouldn’t understand the bond they had. He knew his band members had no idea what he saw in his family, given the five photos he did take were portraits of his family. He had tried to explain what they were like, only to receive blank stares, especially when he mentioned how violent they were. For some reason, no one seemed to realize that they were only violent because that was a lot of testosterone to have in one house.
“I did and I fuckin’ do give a damn about my family, Bobby. I’ve always spoken about my family with pride and respect and love, man! I might not re…” Jack trailed off as he thought back to when he left. He had been seventeen and he knew that there was nothing left for him in that house. Not even Evelyn could keep him happy, anymore. He had no idea what changed, but he remembered spending two years fighting some depression that took hold of him. Four years later, he was called back home by Jeremiah and Mom’s funeral.
Bobby had sat up straighter when Jack stopped. “You don’t remember why you left?” he asked for clarification and got to his feet when Jack couldn’t meet his eyes. “How the fuck can you not remember why you left, Jack? You left to pursue your music, you little fairy! That’s the—Wait, if you can’t remember why you left, then that means it had somethin’ to do with me.”
Jack gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to think that the reason why he didn’t remember, but he couldn’t deny that it made sense. “Were you always this arrogant, Bobby? I mean, yeah, I don’t remember shit about ya and what I do remember, you weren’t this cocky. You think that everything in my life revolves around you?”
“Jesus fuck, Jack! Calm down, would ya?” Bobby fought the urge to roll his eyes at the outburst, but sat back and regarded Jack calmly. “Everythin’ else about your memory when it comes to me is a blank. If ya can’t remember why ya left, clearly it had somethin’ to do with me.” He glanced at the photo album and then smirked, suddenly looking like the man that was in the photographs. “And yeah, I’ve always been this arrogant. It’s a little upsettin’ to know that ya don’t remember at least that about me.”
Jack nodded slowly and slipped to his feet, which felt tender on the floor. He took a few limping steps and realized that his left leg was much weaker than it should be. Of course, it did take most of the damage, but it made him extremely upset. I won’t be able to play hockey with them until it heals, he realized and his eyes lit up. He remembered playing hockey with his brothers! He thought back to the first memory of hockey that came to mind and his shoulders slumped as it was when he was thirteen. The pickup game that he remembered attending and hearing Bobby’s voice at.
“Why is this so important to ya, Jack? Everyone forgets some things at some point in their life, man.” Bobby watched as Jack limped the length of the bed, pausing only when Bobby spoke. “It’s a part of life. Not everyone is gonna remember everythin’. Ya gotta stop bein’ so hard on yaself, man.”
Jack stood in front of Bobby and stared down at him, deciding to bite the bullet. “Wanna know what else I’m tired of? I’m tired of not knowin’ you, Bobby. I need you back, because clearly, you had some kind of huge impact on my life.” He picked up the album. “There’s so many pictures of me with you in here and I remember nothing of them!” He closed eyes and leaned on the bed, feeling lightheaded. He opened them and glared at his brother. “I’m tired of loving you and not knowing why I do.”
Bobby cocked an eyebrow. “Somewhere, in the back of ya mind, ya know I’m your brother, Jackie. That’s why ya love me, man. And honestly, I’m kinda glad that at least some part of ya remembers that, even if you don’t know why. I’ll take anythin’ I can, when it comes to this bullshit.”
Jack dropped the album on the bed and sat on the edge, gazing at Bobby. He wanted to ask the question, but he had no idea how Bobby would react to it. He knew he’d done something to make Bobby leave his childhood home and never return, until he was forced back. How could he ask his brother to relive something like that? Why would he put that on anyone?
Running his tongue over his lower lip, Jack decided to go for it. Bobby would only ever see his love as brotherly and he would take what he could. He watched Bobby’s face when the next words tumbled out of his mouth, wanting to catch every twitch and every expression. “Why did you leave?”
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Heaven in His Eyes