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Shadow of Blue	By : Auska Category: 1 through F > Four Brothers Views: 1292 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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~Shadow of Blue~

By: Aerys Krystie.
oOo
Age 15
Bobby had stayed that extra day and Jack got to see him off, forcing back tears as he watched his big brother leave him. He had forced a smile and wished him luck with the job and waved happily as Bobby pulled away from the curb. He stayed outside, even after Bobby was no longer in sight and had probably left the city’s limits. When it came to his punishment for his suspension, Evelyn had heard him out and agreed that the teacher was a nasty piece of work, but one should never threaten an authority figure.
Once again, Bobby told Jack to focus on his studies and find something he was passionate about. It would make the time just fly by. As he had been moping around for six weeks, Evelyn told him that she had a surprise for him. Jack wasn’t in the mood for chocolate cake and a spearmint milkshake. However, that wasn’t the surprise she was referring to. She had come home and asked for his help with some groceries in the car. Jack had gone there and saw the blue guitar he fell in love with years ago laying on the backseat.
Jack knew that money was extremely tight in the house, but he really didn’t want to ask how Evelyn was able to buy it. He just hugged her, kissed her cheek and thanked her a thousand times, before he even opened the door of the car. When he did, he grabbed the guitar and ran inside. Angel had come downstairs to see what all the commotion was and was nearly balled over by an excitable Jack, as he ran up the stairs.
He placed the guitar on his bed and tried to figure out which was more important. He wanted to call Bobby and let him know that he had the guitar, but he also wanted to play it for the first time in the house. Seeing as he was already in his room with the instrument, he sat beside his bed and tuned the strings, playing a few chords before he started to idly pluck at the strings, staring off into space.
Jack was unaware that Evelyn had been watching him from the doorway, with a smile that was slowly fading as he stared into space. She had tried her best to help take his mind off of Bobby not being around and it had worked for about seven minutes. She inhaled deeply and stepped into the room, sitting on the bed after she closed the door slightly, letting Angel that it was a private talk.
“Jackie, are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Jack answered absently, his eyes straying over to the closet. “I miss him.”
Evelyn got over her surprise at Jack revealing what he was feeling. She was going to assume that was Bobby’s influence on him. “I know you do, Jackie. I miss him, too.” She hesitated for a fraction of a second. “You could call him. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.”
Jack looked at her and Evelyn felt her heart breaking slightly at the pain and loss in his eyes. She hated seeing her children hurting, especially over something they couldn’t control. “Do you really think so?”
“I know so, Jackie. You can use the extension in my room, if you want some privacy.” Evelyn had barely finished the offer when Jack jumped to his feet and ran to her room.
Having already memorized the number and extension, Jack dialed it quickly. He had no idea where Bobby was located or what time he finished work and figured he was out, as the phone continued to ring. Just as he was about to hang up, someone picked up the other end and a female voice came through. Before he could say that he had the wrong number, he heard Bobby’s voice in the background, laughing as he asked for the receiver.
The woman was giggling. “Is someone there?”
“B-Bobby, p-please.”
“Some kid with a stutter looking for you, Mister Mercer.” She didn’t sound remotely impressed by the call.
“Shit.” There was a crackle as the receiver changed hands. “Jackie, is everythin’ okay? Is it Ma? Did somethin’ happen?” Jack lowered his eyes. He could feel the fear in Bobby, but he didn’t say anything. “Jackie, what’s wrong? Is someone hurt?”
“No,” Jack finally whispered and he heard Bobby release a breath. He heard the bed springs squeaking as Bobby moved around on it.
“Did somethin’ happen to you, Jack?”
The silence stretched on for a few seconds, before Jack replied. “No.” He could practically hear the disbelieving gaze over the phone.
“Say my name.” The woman muttered something and Bobby told her leave, as it was a family matter. Jack heard the woman scoff and the bed springs squeak again, as she sat down and said she’d wait. “I’m not talkin’ to my baby brother with you in the room. Get the fuck out.” There was some angry screaming on her behalf and the slamming of a door. “Say my name.”
“I’ll b-be d-down in a m-moment, Angel,” Jack called out. “I h-have t-to g-go.”
Jack didn’t wait for a response and hung up. Evelyn stood in the threshold, watching as Jack hung his head, appearing completely defeated. He didn’t react when the phone beside him rang, so Evelyn walked into the room and answered it, not surprised to hear Bobby’s worried tones.
“Ma, what the fuck happened to him? Has someone hurt him? He hasn’t stuttered that badly in more than a year!”
“Bobby, calm down.” Evenly placed a hand on Jack’s head and he slowly raised it, gazing at her with blank eyes. She lowered the handle. “Did you want me to tell him?” she whispered, not surprised when Jack shook his head and slipped off her bed, heading back to his room. “He’s fine, Bobby.”
“You’re lyin’, Ma! You harp on us and—” He cut himself off, realizing just how the situation had to be for Evelyn Mercer to lie to one of her children. “Do I need to come home?”
Evelyn closed her eyes for a moment. She would love to have Bobby back in the house, but he couldn’t rush home every time Jack heard or saw something that hurt him. She needed him to learn how to deal with that. “No, Bobby. You need that job.”
“But Jack—”
“Jackie is going to be fine,” Evelyn stated as she heard him plucking at the strings of the guitar. “I think hearing your voice just reminded him how much he misses you.”
“Ma, I’ll be there Friday night.”
Evelyn smiled and shook her head. Bobby was too stubborn at times. “Bobby Mercer, you are going to stay right where you are. Hold on a minute.” She put the handle down and closed the door, grateful when she couldn’t hear the music that much. She went back to Bobby. “His nightmares have gotten bad and having you around for a couple of nights will only make it worse.”
“He’s spoken to you about them?”
“No. He’s woken up, screaming.”
“Ma—”
“I know you love him, Bobby,” Evelyn cut in, raising an eyebrow. She knew Bobby would play it off as brotherly affection. “But he has to learn that you won’t be around forever. He needs to learn how to deal with this on his own.”
“That ain’t gonna work unless someone’s there to force it outta him. That’s where big brother comes in.”
“How long is the contract you’re on?”
“Seven months, with a break for Christmas and New Year. What’s that—?”
Evelyn closed her eyes, trying to keep her pain down. “I didn’t want to do this, but I’m banning you from the house until Christmas.”
There was a lengthy silence as Bobby digested what his mother actually said to him. “What?!”
“Bobby, calm down and listen to me.” Evelyn waited for Bobby’s cursing to subside. “You can call him, every night at this time, on this line until then and from then on. You can talk to him after he’s done his homework, but I cannot have you coming to the house. He’s a mess now, but you showing up for a night or two would make things worse.”
“If it’s a weekly routine, it would do more good than harm, Ma,” Bobby countered and Evelyn’s eyebrows shot up. So, Bobby did listen to her. “Please, Ma. It’ll give him somethin’ to look forward to and it can be used as leverage. If he does bad in school, I can threaten not to show up.”
Evelyn looked over her shoulder at her closed door. She knew that Bobby threatening not to show up would make Jack improve his behavior and performance in school. And Bobby did say please, a word that was rarely in his vocabulary. She could feel her will starting to crumble and eventually sighed in defeat. It would have been impossible to keep them a part if she had stuck to her guns.
“You had better be here every weekend, then. If you can’t make it one weekend, you better have a damn good reason for it,” she warned and heard Bobby chuckle.
“Ma, its family. Nothin’ short of an act from God would stop me from showin’ up.”
“All right. Let me get Jackie so you can tell him the good news.”
“Okay.”
Evelyn placed the handle down and opened her bedroom door. She knocked on Jack’s open door and saw him look up, a small spark of life in his eyes as he picked at the strings. “Bobby needs to tell you something.”
Jack hesitated, but got up and placed his guitar on his bed and headed into Evelyn’s room. He picked up the handle. “W-What?”
“Ah, Cracker Jack, I’m sorry she answered. I told her to leave the phone alone while I was in the shower,” Bobby explained and Jack felt a little better, but he wasn’t about to let Bobby off the hook that easily.
“Okay,” he said simply.
“I’m also comin’ up for a visit this weekend.” Jack spun around and looked at Evelyn, hoping it wasn’t a cruel joke that Bobby decided to play. Evelyn smiled and nodded.
“Y-You are?”
“Yep. But there’s conditions to these visits, Jack.” The excitement died off a little and Jack became a little worried. “You need to stop fuckin’ around in school. You went from a B average to a D minus. You need to get your grades back up or I don’t show up.”
“Th-That’s not fair!”
“Remember when you said life was gonna suck balls sometimes? Welcome to one of those times. Can I count on you to get your grades up? Because I really miss you, Ma, Angel and Jerry.”
Jack smiled and nodded. “I promise, Bobby.”
“Good. Now, go wash up for dinner. I’ll see ya Friday. Keep that nose clean, fairy.”
Jack’s smile became a grin and he hung up, turning to Evelyn. It seemed that Bobby hadn’t told him her first offer and she would be eternally grateful for that. She didn’t need Jack hating her, but she did tell him to go wash up as Angel would be serving up dinner shortly.
With a nod, Jack ran from the bedroom, feeling far more alive than he had in the past six weeks. He washed his hands and face, glancing at his bedroom and seeing the guitar lying on his bed. He would need to learn something for Bobby’s visit, just to show that he did have a passion for something, other than his big brother. Which just sounded creepy, in his mind and if he ever uttered the words out loud.
He ran downstairs and into the dining room, just as Angel opened the lid of the pizza box. Jack shook his head and took his seat, accepting the plate that Angel handed him. Despite not eating much over the last month and a half, Jack was too excited about Bobby’s visit to eat. However, the stern look from Evelyn told him that she would be using his behavior at home as leverage over him and he nodded, taking a mouthful. He couldn’t deny it; Angel ordered a mean pizza.
oOo
Whenever Jack got home from school, he ran up to his room and completed his homework within an hour, before heading downstairs for a glass of juice. He would give himself a small break and then head back, to make sure all his answers were correct. His teachers had noted the marked improvement in just one day. Jack was suddenly bright eyed, bushy tailed and extremely attentive during class.
There was one small problem he knew Bobby would get on his case about. In fact, it was the reason he was half out his window on a chilly fall night, smoking. He knew that if Evelyn ever walked in to see him kneeling on his desk, upper body hanging out of the window, he would in for one hell of a tongue lashing. Unfortunately, it was one of the hardest habits to kick and Jack wasn’t too keen on quitting.
He flicked the butt out the window and stayed outside for a couple more minutes, letting the wind to whip past him and ruffle his clothing and hair. He pulled his body back in and placed his headphones over his ears, restarting the song that was one of Bobby’s favorites. As he listened to the lyrics, he could understand why it was and it made him wonder what on inside Bobby’s mind. He was attempting to learn the solo, mostly to see if Bobby would recognize it.
Looking at the placement of his fingers, Jack slipped one side of the headphones off as the solo came up. He strummed the instrument, knowing he would have blisters on his fingertips by the time Bobby showed up. He winced as the metal strings dug into his skin as he tried to keep in time with the solo. He cried out as he slipped it down quickly and nicked his finger. He quickly pulled his hand back before he could blood on the guitar and went to the bathroom.
Angel charged up the stairs as the phone rang in Evelyn’s room. “Jackie-poo, it’s for you,” he basically sang out and Jack said he’d be there in a minute.
Jack opened the first aid box and washed his hands, drying them on his shirt and wrapping a plaster around his finger. He entered their mother’s room and took the phone from Angel. “Hey, Bobby.”
“Hey, Cracker Jack. Did you do your homework?” Bobby asked, sounding a little out of breath, as though he ran three miles to the phone to make sure he phoned at the correct time.
“Well, yeah! I even double checked it and found more mistakes in the spelling and grammar of the questions than in my answers,” Jack said with a proud puff of his chest. “Then again…Not that surprisin’,” he and Bobby finished. “Are you okay, Bobby? Did you just finish a marathon?”
“Yeah, a little bit. Work has me finishin’ late on Thursdays, so I can take off early on Fridays. So, my calls will be a little late on Thursday nights.”
A sound similar to a wince came through and Jack grew concerned. “Are you sure you’re okay? You sound like you’re in pain.”
“Just a stitch. How was school? Did you go to all your classes?”
“Of course! I even went to study hall…” Jack lowered his eyes, listening as Bobby’s breathing evened out.
“What happened there?”
“There were two undercover cops watching me,” Jack answered with a shrug and grinned as Bobby burst out laughing. He sat beside Evelyn’s bed and closed his eyes, enjoying the sound.
“I guess they’re pissed off because they never actually caught us doin’ it,” Bobby said as he calmed down and the springs of the bed squeaked.
“Then how were you expelled for it?”
“I wasn’t expelled for that, Cracker Jack. I was expelled for ‘assault on a teacher,’ which was an accident. I just said I burned it down twice before I was expelled. I’m almost certain that the teacher got in the way of my fist on purpose so they could get rid of me.” Bobby groaned as the bed shifted. “This bed fuckin’ sucks.” Before Jack could change the subject, Bobby asked the question he didn’t want to hear. “You sleepin’ in yours yet?”
Jack stared down at his knees, idly plucking at one of the frayed edges of a hole in the knee. He sighed and shook his head, even though Bobby couldn’t see him. He was kind of grateful for that, as he didn’t want to see the anger or disappoint or worse, the hurt in his brother’s eyes.
“Ah, Jackie. You still don’t feel safe there?”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered and could practically feel the glare from Bobby.
“What did I tell ya? Never apologize for what they did to you. If sleepin’ under it makes you feel safe, then you go right ahead—”
“I can’t sleep under it anymore,” Jack broke in with a hoarse whisper. “He gets me there, now.”
He heard Bobby sitting up more. “Who gets you under there?”
Jack squeezed his eyes shut, forcing back the memories. He thought about the time that Bobby tickled him on the bed and exhaled shakily. “It’s just bad dreams,” he murmured and continued plucking at the frayed denim. “Why won’t they go away?”
“The healin’ is the hardest part, man. It took Jerry around five years before his finally stopped.”
“And what about you? Have yours stopped?”
The long silence made Jack wish he was there to offer some kind of comfort to Bobby. He had been the big brother so long that he probably had no idea how to lean on someone else. Depending on what he went through, he probably didn’t trust anyone that wanted to be that leaning post for him.
“I’m sorry,” Jack mumbled and ducked his head.
“Don’t worry about it, Cracker Jack. You excited to see your big brother tomorrow?”
“Yes,” Jack breathed and closed his eyes, wishing he didn’t have to depend on Bobby so much for strength and support, especially just learning that he still had nightmares. His grip tightened on the handle. “It’s become weird to sleep without you in the room…”
Jack opened his eyes and stared straight ahead, trying to understand why he told Bobby that. Why was he hunched down, talking to his brother like it was a forbidden romance? Why would he want a forbidden romance with his oldest brother? Why did he have to be so disgusting and fucked up? Why did Bobby indulge him? When did he become so worthy?
“You still there, Cracker Jack?” Bobby shook his head as he heard strained breathing. He was very accustomed to panic attacks. All the Mercer boys had suffered them at some stage. However, while Angel and Jeremiah had favorite movie quotes or enjoyed rattling off all the guns they could think of, Bobby had no idea what Jack had. And then he remembered. “Say it with me, Jackie. The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. We sat in the house, all that cold, cold, wet day. Repeat it, Jack.”
“The…” Jack closed his eyes and focused on Bobby’s voice and the words. “The sun did not shine… Are you seriously making me recite The Cat in the Hat?”
“It worked.”
Jack inhaled shakily and let it out in a whoosh. “What was it?”
“The beginnin’ of a panic attack, Cracker Jack. We all got them, so don’t feel…embarrassed or anythin’.”
“So…this is normal?”
“Jackie, did you just doubt your worth to us?” Jack remained silent, glancing at the handle of the phone. How the hell did Bobby know? “That’s what set Jerry off. He didn’t think he was good enough for Ma or me.”
Jack heaved a sigh of relief. He was beyond glad to know that he wasn’t the only that felt like he wasn’t good enough for the Mercer family. He looked at the flesh colored plaster on his finger and wondered if he would be able to play the guitar at all for the next couple of days.
“Hey, I gotta head off. I got an early shift tomorrow. I’ll see ya then, Cracker Jack.”
Jack smiled and hung up, the smile dropping from his face instantly. He was getting sick of these mood swings. It seemed he went from joyous to depressed in the blink of an eye and it was starting to send him insane. However, the idea of knowing that in under twenty-four hours, Bobby would be back in the house and that gave him something positive to think about.
Standing, Jack stretched and then headed back to his room. He sat beside his bed and grabbed the guitar, pressing his injured finger against the string. He blinked when there was only a dull throb. The plaster seemed to absorb most of the brute force. He strummed the strings and adjusted his fingers, smiling when he got the sound he was after. He might not be able to do the full solo, but he could always go with the beginning chords he knew everyone would recognize.
oOo
Jack watched as the second hand finally hit the twelve, ticking the minute over and making the bell ring. Shoving his books into his backpack, Jack slipped out of his desk and practically ran to the door. Unfortunately, he was stuck behind all the other students that wanted to get home for the weekend. With a sigh, Jack went Mercer style on them and began elbowing his way through the crowd. He could make out Angel talking to Sofi by his locker and shook his head.
Once outside, Jack made his way to the side and paused. He couldn’t see Jeremiah’s car anywhere. He scanned the parked vehicles and frowned, wondering if something had happened that prevented him from getting there. Jack was certain that Mom or Jerry would’ve phoned the school to let him and Angel know that something bad had gone down.
Angel came out with Sofi by his side and stood next to Jack. “Hey, I’m heading over to Sofi’s for dinner tonight. You gonna be okay, here, alone, Jackie-poo?”
“I’ll be fine, Angel. Have a good time, ’kay?” Jack looked at Sofi and smiled. She returned the gesture as Angel dragged her up the street.
Jack watched them go, shaking his head and then returning to scanning the cars. He glanced to his right when someone stood beside and cocked an eyebrow when he saw one of the kids in the co-ed group that thought about talking to him on his first day. He ignored them and tried to spot Jeremiah, which seemed to be a losing battle as he couldn’t see the red sedan anywhere.
“You’re Jack Mercer, right?” the girl asked with a small voice.
Jack fought every instinct that told him to roll his eyes. Instead, he looked at her and forced a smiled. “Yeah. Can I help ya with somethin’?”
“Actually, I kinda wanted to invite you to a party this week—”
“No, thanks.”
The girl glanced back at her friends, who gestured for her to keep trying. She turned back to Jack. “There won’t be any drugs or al—”
“Not interested,” Jack stated as began feeling anxious, wondering if he was forgotten by Jeremiah.
“I mean, it’ll be good to meet new people and make some normal friends,” she rushed out and tensed when Jack grew unnaturally still.
Jack turned to face her fully, his face a blank mask, but his eyes burning rage. “Normal friends?” he repeated and cocked an eyebrow. “As opposed to my abnormal friends? Or did you mean my abnormal family?”
The girl shook her head, her straight black hair flying around. “No, I didn’t mean anything like that!” she protested, still unnerved by the fire in Jack’s eyes.
“What the fuck passes as ‘normal’ these days, anyway? What, because we’re the same age that automatically makes it ‘normal’? Or is ‘normal’ sitting around some bitch’s basement, bored out of our fucking minds? Tell me, Violet, what makes you and your ‘friends’ anymore ‘normal’ than my family?”
The girl tried to think of the right words, but eventually ended up blurting out, “We don’t break the law for fun!”
Jack blinked and tilted his head. “So…you break the law for a different purpose?”
The girl shook her head again. “Look, your brothers have violent reputations…And we all heard about how your put that kid in hospital and that your older brother beat the hell out of his older brother. But…” She trailed off and sighed. “Look, I’m only over here because my friend has a crush on you and wants you attend the party so she can talk to ya.”
Jack followed the girl’s finger and saw a redhead girl blush and look away. “Tell her that I’ve got no interest in people that have to send their friends to do their dirty work. Now, get away from me. The next time you come near me it had better because you want your face remodeled.”
The girl whimpered and ran back to her friends, crying on the shoulder of one of the boys, which Jack assumed was her boyfriend. He could feel the guy glaring daggers at him, but when Jack looked at him, he quickly adverted his gaze. Jack scoffed and shook his head, watching as they inched around him and towards the school bus that would take them to their street.
As the minutes ticked by, Jack began to think he was forgotten about. He sighed pulled his cigarettes out of his backpack, along with the lighter and lit one. He heard a teacher telling that he couldn’t smoke on school property and Jack glared at him, stepping onto the road and raising his eyes in a challenge. The man seemed content with him to smoke on the road, as long as it was the sidewalk that was apparently under the school’s possession.
Jack pressed his thumb nail to his lower lip as he hopped from foot to foot. Most of the cars and kids had cleared out by that point, which left Jack staring at a near empty car park across the street that still didn’t have Jeremiah’s car in it.
“Hey, man. Can I borrow your light?”
“Nope,” Jack replied without looking at the person that asked. "Besides, it's a bad habit that ya should give up."
By the time forty-five minutes had passed, Jack had grown increasing worried. He was alternating gnawing on his lower lip and his thumb, trying to plan his next move. He couldn’t walk home, as Mom and probably Bobby would kill him for walking the streets alone. The only cars that remained anywhere near the school belonged to the teachers that hadn’t left and the students that had afterschool activities.
An hour passed and Jack looked over his shoulder, wondering if the doors were still open so he could get to a pay phone. Unfortunately, he saw the last teacher leave and chain the doors. He sighed and sat on the curb, crossing his legs as he tapped his fingers on his knees. After a few minutes, he sighed and stood, deciding to just walk home. What’s the worst that could happen?
Apparently, the worst thing that could happen was him turning down a wrong alley and watching as a gang beat the shit out one person. Jack froze and closed his eyes, cursing his luck at times. He opened his eyes and decided to back out of the alley. He didn’t stop when someone shouted, ‘Hey!’ Did they really expect him to just stand and wait for them to beat on him? Only the seriously handicapped would do that.
Jack kept walking, pausing on briefly to make sure there were running feet after him. “Fuck,” he muttered and ran down the closest alley. He jumped onto a dumpster with a closed lid and onto a fire escape. He climbed up with a speed he wished he possessed when climbing the rope in gym class.
For some reason, he climbed up to the roof of the building and wondered just what the fuck he was thinking. That was when he realized his first instinct was telling him to get to Bobby by any means necessary, even if it meant jumping along rooftops like a damn thief. He was grateful to see that most of the rooftops were flat and he could easily run along them and jump to the next one.
When he came across the first one with a fence, he simply jumped onto the fire escape of the building he was on and dropped down into the street. He looked around for something familiar to him and then decided to just head north. He was certain to find a patrol unit that he could ask for directions. On the plus side, he couldn’t hear anyone chasing him. Jack assumed that when they saw him go up the fire escape, they gave up and decided he wasn’t worth the chase.
“Found him!”
Jack glanced over his shoulder and rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, man!”
Pulling in a lungful of air, Jack started running again. He had a fairly decent lead on them and he wasn’t going to slow down until he knew he was safe. He pushed his way through crowds and mentally cursed as the rain came down. He was wondering if anything else could go wrong, when home came into view. Jack gasped for air and urged his legs to go a little longer.
As he got closer, Jack saw that Bobby’s and Mom’s cars were there. He was expecting Jeremiah to be there, but he pushed that to the back of his mind. All he knew was that Bobby was home and he would protect him. However, he found that when he tried the doors, they were locked. It couldn’t be happening! Did Jeremiah take Bobby and Mom to his place for dinner or something?
Jack spent a moment to catch his breath and then looked around the house, trying to find a window that wasn’t locked or closed. How was it even possible? Jack looked down the street, though he couldn’t see much through the rain. He knew his smokes were probably mush in his backpack by now, but he vaguely remembered the way to Jeremiah’s apartment.
As he ran down the street, Jack contemplated if would’ve been easier just to have them kill him. He had never run so far and so fast in his life that he vowed if he made it Jeremiah’s apartment, he would give serious consideration to joining the track team at school.
Block after block and street after street and Jack finally got a sense of where he was going. He found Jeremiah’s car parked outside one of the apartment buildings and felt the urge to cry with gratitude as he saw Jeremiah standing on a balcony, enjoying a smoke. He tried calling out, but his throat was parched and his lungs were on fire. He waved, hoping to gain his attention.
“Cracker Jack?” Jeremiah called and butted out his smoke, running into the apartment. Jack made his way to the front door, where Jeremiah was waiting for him. “What the hell were you thinkin’, man?”
“Me?” Jack wheezed out as he stumbled into the apartment, falling to his hands and knees, trying to catch his breath. He tried swallowing and winced, not surprised when Mom and Bobby walked into the living room area.
“Jackie?” Mom was in front of him in an instant. “Get me a glass of water, Jeremiah. Jackie, what happened? Why weren’t you waiting outside the school?”
Jack attempt to say anything until he sipped the water that Jeremiah handed him. With a little moistness there, he down the glass of water and stared at Mom. “I waited over an hour and no one showed up. I decided to walk home…” As he expected, Bobby and Mom got their unique sparkles for when he was going to be lectured for living dangerously. “Some thugs thought I saw their faces and chased me across rooftops, down fire escapes and home. But the doors were locked and I wasn’t thinking correctly, so I ran here.” He happily accepted the second glass of water. He looked at Bobby and Jeremiah. “Where were you?” he asked as felt tears in his eyes.
“It’s a long story and it’s entirely my fault, Cracker Jack,” Bobby said, squaring his shoulders as though getting ready to accept the burden of Jack hating him.
“I don’t ever wanna run that much again,” he stated and collapsed to the side, passing out.

When Jack woke up, he was somewhere warm. He stared at the ceiling and frowned, trying to figure out why he could see that. He tried to sit up, but his arms and legs felt like they were encased in concrete. He turned his head and took in that he was in his room; in his bed. Bobby was sitting in a chair beside his bed, elbow on the armrest and his temple resting on his knuckles as he breathed deeply and the sun was rising, judging by the light hues spilling in through the windows.
Once more, Jack tried to move his arms. He groaned quietly, trying to keep the noise down, but that was enough to wake Bobby with a start. A strong arm slipped under his shoulders and Jack winced as his muscles tried to loosen from their high tension state. He looked down at hands and flexed his fingers, sending pain through every muscle along his arm and shoulders.
However, despite the pain, Jack looked up at Bobby and smiled, grateful to spend some time with him, regardless of how little he had left. He tried to ask something, but his throat was still parched. Bobby grabbed a bottle of sports drink and popped lid, pressing it to Jack’s lips. Jack drank greedily, demolishing the bottle’s contents in seconds. He panted slightly and licked his lips. Bobby raised an eyebrow and opened another bottle. Jack went a little easier on that bottle, drinking only half of it.
“Why am I in my bed?”
“Where else were we meant to put ya, Cracker Jack?” Bobby asked as he sat in the chair again, watching Jack intently. Jack’s eyes moved to the closet and Bobby snickered. “Is that so you can come out without actually comin’ out?”
Jack wanted to roll his eyes, but it was too much of a strain. He attempted to move a leg and again, found that it was too painful to happen. “How long was I out?”
Bobby turned the clock around and checked the time. “Nearly thirteen hours,” he answered as he turned the clock around again.
“I’m sorry,” Jack said and let his head drop. He only just realized that he was shirtless. “What happened to my clothes?”
“They were soaked, so Ma gave you a warm shower and slipped you into a pair of sweats. She couldn’t find the top,” Bobby explained with a shrug. He reached forward and slapped Jack across the back of the head. “That’s for apologizin’, ya little fairy.”
Jack wanted to glare at Bobby, but he was too tired and too sore to put his heart into it. “I wanted to spend some time with ya this weekend. But that ain’t gonna happen, since I literally can’t move a fuckin’ muscle without pain.”
“Well, Cracker Jack, you were the one that decided to run about twenty miles. When was the last your muscles got that kinda work out, huh?” Bobby shook his head, sitting back. “I doubt you stretched before you started runnin’, as well. You hungry?”
Jack tried to shake his head and scoffed when even his neck was aching. “I didn’t even use my neck!” he hissed and pursed his lips, forcing his body to move against its will and against its protests.
“What the hell are ya doin’, Cracker Jack?”
“I gotta use the bathroom, man.” Jack managed to get his legs over the edge of the bed. He half-smirked and stood up, only to collapse to his knees and end with his face in Bobby’s crotch. “Well, this isn’t humiliating in the slightest!” he mumbled into the denim.
“Aren’t you used to that position?” Bobby teased and pushed Jack upright by his shoulders. Jack found the will to glare at Bobby that time. Bobby smirked and stood, slipping an arm around Jack’s waist and easily bringing him to his feet. “Jesus, Jackie. You’re tonin’ up nicely, ain’t ya? You’re gonna make some guy very happy in a few years.”
“Leave it alone, man,” Jack mumbled as he took a step and winced as the pressure made every muscle in his leg scream in agony. “Shit. Walking on glass wasn’t this painful!”
Bobby glanced at Jack sharply, but chose not to comment on what was said, just in case it wasn’t something that Jack wanted to relive. They made it across the hallway and Bobby opened the door, maneuvering around Jack so he could support himself on the basin, which could cause even more pain for him. However, there wasn’t anything else Bobby could do, except stand by the closed door in case Jack needed help.
Jack inhaled deeply and forced himself to work through the pain. Somehow, what he went through with the previous foster homes seemed pale in comparison. At least, once they were finished with him, he could still move a little more than he could right then. He relieved his bladder and flushed the toilet, turning to the basin and catching a glimpse of his pale face in the mirror. He looked like hell.
He washed his hands, brushed his teeth and took care of face. He was trying to figure out why his spine was aching the way it was when Bobby knocked softly on the door and asked if he was all right. Jack hummed that he was and turned to the door, opening it and limped out. He heard Bobby snort and knew that the limping gay jokes were already being worked on as Bobby used the bathroom.
Jack made it to his room and stood at the foot of his bed. He fell forward, bouncing on the mattress and igniting another series of screams of agony from his muscle. He was contemplating falling asleep when he heard the bathroom door open. He heard Bobby telling him that what he was about to do was ‘gonna hurt like a motherfucker.’ He pulled a pillow down to Jack and told him to bury his face into it.
Curious on what was about to happen, Jack did as he was told. He screamed as Bobby’s rough hands began massaging his shoulders. “Jesus fuck, Cracker Jack,” Bobby said as he worked on one shoulder at a time. “You’re more knotted than a sailor’s mast.”
Jack muttered incoherently into the pillow as the pain slowly disappeared and it actually began to feel nice on that shoulder. After a few moments, Bobby moved onto the other and Jack was screaming into his pillow again. For a split second, he wished that ibuprofen would help with his condition, but he knew that even if he took an entire sleeve of pills, it wouldn’t know where to start with his body.
He groaned and moaned as his spine was cracked. “Wouldn’t it just be easier to kill me?” he said and looked over his shoulder, eyes widening at the dark look in Bobby’s eyes. “It was a joke, Bobby. Life’s way too short to be that serious.”
Bobby moved for a moment and closed the bedroom door. Jack’s eyes widened and he forced his body to move, staring at the closed door. “Please open the door, Bobby.”
“I need to talk to you in private, Jack.”
“Please open the door, Bobby,” Jack repeated, refusing to look anywhere else. “Even if it’s just a little. Please open it.”
“Okay, Jack,” Bobby said calmly and opened the door a crack. He saw that Jack instantly relaxed and his overworked muscles were brought to the forefront of his mind. Bobby moved Jack around so his back was to the wall. He began massaging Jack’s upper arms. “So, life’s too short, huh?”
Jack glanced at Bobby and went to shrug, hissing as even his clavicles hurt. “It kinda is.”
Bobby was silent for a moment, glancing at the door. “Is that why you took up smoking?”
Jack had never felt so insulted in his entire life. “I’m not suicidal,” he muttered and glared at the bedcovers. “I just…I like the taste of it and I like the release it gives me.” He didn’t even realize that Bobby had stopped massaging his arm.
“You would tell me if you were feelin’ suicidal, right?”
All right, he had never felt so insulted in his life until that question. “Of course I would, Bobby! This family is the only thing that’s kept them away.” Jack kept his eyes lowered, but he lost the glare. “I love you, Mom, Angel and Jeremiah, Bobby. I’ve never… I’ve never been this loved in my entire life.” He looked up, sincerity shining in his eyes.
“We love you, too, Cracker Jack.” Bobby moved onto the other arm, shaking his head as Jack gritted his teeth. “You… You mentioned earlier that you knew what it was like to walk on glass.”
“Yeah,” Jack exhaled and tilted his head back. “Foster home number three. I think I was around five or six. They enjoyed making us fight for our food.” He touched the electrical burn marks on his sternum. “Foster home number five. A couple of kids living there wanted to see what voltage a kid my age could take before he died.” He winced as Bobby was applying more pressure than needed. “Hey, take it easy. I don’t need bruises!”
Bobby removed his hands from Jack. “Sorry. It’s just I’ve never seen anyone talk about their scars so…casually. You act like we’re talkin’ about the weather, man.”
“The pain they put me through is nothing compared what I’ve done to myself, just by exercising!”
Bobby glanced down and for a split second, Jack caught a glimpse of…something. He wasn’t sure if it was bloodlust, a need for revenge or cold, calculating rage. Either way, that single peek just reminded Jack of what Bobby was really capable of. He had no doubt that if Bobby ever discovered who’d hurt him, they wouldn’t be found until the river thawed or they would be found in some horrible, but highly suspicious ‘accident.’
“Are you jokin’ about that, as well?” Bobby asked as he looked up with a neutral expression.
“Not really,” Jack answered honestly. “This hurts so much!”
“You’re such a drama queen,” Bobby muttered as he went back to massaging Jack’s upper arm. He made his way down to the forearm, ignoring the scars. He wanted to ask about them, since Jack was being so open and honest with him, but he didn’t want to responsible for the bad memories.
“Maybe a little, but I’m a teenager. I’m allowed to be overdramatic.” Jack smirked, which he lost when he realized that Bobby wasn’t looking at him. He was staring at the scars. “Those were from my father.”
Jack didn’t know to tell Bobby that he’d received his first cigarette burn at the age of two. However, that didn’t seem to be what Bobby was thinking about. “Is he the one that gets you…in your nightmares?”
“Yeah,” Jack answered with a nod. “I love that you, Angel and Jerry are so protective of me. But you can’t protect me from what’s inside and what I’m made of.” He blinked when Bobby took hold of his jaw and forced him to keep eye contact.
“You’re stronger than they are. And if you ever feel that you aren’t, you just remember that you’ve got three older brothers that are stronger still. I know what’s inside of you, Jack.”
“The DNA of a child rapist and his enabler?” Jack winced slightly as Bobby’s grip tightened on his jaw.
“The heart of a Mercer,” Bobby corrected and released Jack’s jaw. He moved over to the other forearm. “You threatened a teacher with death because of what she said about Ma. Angel and me have done that. Jerry might act like he don’t agree with it, but he’d do the exact same thing.”
The heart of a Mercer… Jack thought and smiled. He had no doubt that all of the sons would jump at the chance to make someone spit out their teeth, should they bad mouth Mom. He gazed at Bobby without really seeing him, as his dark eyes were intent on what he was doing. His eyes were drawn down to Bobby’s full lips and he bit his lower lip.
“You okay, Cracker Jack?” Bobby asked and Jack blinked with a quick nod, turning his attention to something that wasn’t Bobby. “You gonna answer me?”
“Sorry. I didn’t hear the question.”
“Did you want me to do your legs, as well?”
“No. You’ve done more than enough.” Jack glanced down at the covers. “I think I’ll get a little more sleep, actually.” The moment Bobby let go of his arm, Jack fell to the side and then rolled onto his stomach. He tensed when he felt Bobby tracing out the scars on his back. “Foster home number eight. The one I was in before I got here.”
Bobby closed his eyes, keeping his anger at bay. “You’re safe now, Jackie. Sweet dreams.” He got off the bed and slipped out of the bedroom, closing the door. Jack was asleep almost instantly.

Jack mumbled and raised his head, staring at the clock on the bedside chest. He saw that it was nine in the morning and stretched, wincing as legs protested. He looked around, trying to see what woke him. He found Mom sitting in the chair that Bobby had brought into the room, knitting. She smiled at him and put her knitting to the side without haste.
“How are you feeling, Jackie?”
“Like I just played nine hours of hockey with Bobby.” Jack rolled over, noting that his arms and shoulders didn’t hurt nearly as badly as they did when he first woke up. If he could trust his body enough not to betray him, he would’ve had Bobby massage his legs as well. “Please tell me its still Saturday.”
Evelyn chuckled and nodded. “I’ve sent Bobby to the pharmacy to get some deep heat for your legs.” She studied him as he nodded. “What’s wrong, Jackie?”
Jack blinked and looked at her, frowning slightly. How could she possibly know that something was bothering him? He hadn’t said or done anything unusual since he woke up, yet she knew. “What kind of wizard are you, Mom?” he asked out loud.
Evelyn laughed softly. “A mother always knows when something is bothering their son,” she answered and pulled the chair closer to the bed. “What’s the matter?”
Jack wanted to tell her how he felt about Bobby, but decided not to bring that up. He didn’t want to be kicked out for having more than hero worship of his older brother. “Was I forgotten yesterday?” he asked quietly and looked at her from under his lashes.
“Oh, Jackie. I’m so sorry,” she said and placed a hand on Jack’s. “Bobby got into a little trouble and we were trying to sort that, which wasn’t made any better when Jeremiah threatened someone.”
“I already said sorry,” Jeremiah called from the bottom of the stairs as he took his coat off. “She deserved it, anyway for what she did.”
Jack blinked in confusion and Evelyn smiled, patting his hand. “You should know what your brothers are like, by now. If one is threatened, the others will jump in and defend them. The downside to that is that your brothers have records and when they threaten someone, those threats are taken very seriously.”
Thinking on how menacing Angel and Bobby could be, Jack got the feeling that they could easily take a life. For some reason, that didn’t scare him. The fact that two of his brothers were probably murderers wasn’t something that made him want to hide and cry. On the contrary, it made him feel safer than before. He knew that his brothers would beat the fear of god into anyone that messed with the family and now, he knew that if anyone hurt a family member badly, they wouldn’t live to see the light of the next day.
Jeremiah was definitely the least violent of the three, but Jack knew he could take a life if push came to shove. He wondered what hell those three had to go through to be that way. Bobby had said that Jack got the worst of them, so why wasn’t he the same as them? The idea of taking a life wasn’t that appealing to Jack and he figured that was the difference.
Jack nodded at Evelyn’s last words, glancing up when there was a knock on the open door. Bobby tossed a tube at Jack, who caught it and thanked him for it. Evelyn smiled and stood up, gathered her knitting and left the room, closing the door. The front door opened and Angel entered, calling out a greeting to the others. He cried out as he was punched and accused of leaving Jack alone at the school.
As quickly as his tense muscles would allow, Jack got off the bed and opened the door, standing by the banister of the second floor. He saw that Angel didn’t even have time to take his coat as Bobby stood over him, demanding the reason why Angel had left Jack alone. Jeremiah stood just inside the living room, glaring down at Angel.
“It wasn’t his fault,” Jack said and quickly looked down when Bobby glared at him.
“Go back to your room, Jack,” Bobby ordered with a forcefully calm voice.
With Bobby distracted, Angel managed to shove him back and got to his feet. “Where the fuck were you two, then?” he demanded as he went to punch Bobby. It was blocked and Bobby’s forehead connected with Angel’s, which made Angel stumble back.
“You know to stay with him if we aren’t there to get him!” Bobby shouted as he punched Angel again and Jack frowned.
“I was outside of school!” Jack yelled as he went down the stairs and shoved Bobby back, glaring at him. “What the fuck could’ve happened to me there?”
“How about running twenty fucking miles, because someone wanted to get their dick wet!” Bobby pushed Jack over to Jeremiah, who held him back from getting involved again.
Jeremiah picked up Jack easily and took him over to the sofa as Angel and Bobby got more physical than Jack’s ever seen them before. He was used to them roughhousing and throwing the occasional punch, but what was happening right in front of him was terrifying. He never thought he’d see his brothers fight so brutally, especially over something so little.
Jack’s eyes widened as Angel was thrown against the fireplace mantle. He honestly thought that Angel would have the advantage over Bobby, considering the height difference between them. Angel charged at Bobby and it was the final punch that sent Angel down, conscious but knowing he couldn’t win. Bobby wiped the blood that was spilling from his split away with the back of his hand and stood over Angel.
“Why did you leave him, Angel?” Bobby asked more quietly, but the rage radiating off him was still like a living thing.
Angel glanced at Jack, who nodded. He wasn’t blameless. “Because he told me I could,” Angel answered and turned his eyes back to Bobby.
Jeremiah groaned and ran his hands through his hair. “You know the rules, Angel! If we aren’t there to pick him up, you stay with him, till we are!”
Jack winced as Bobby turned his angry eyes to him. “How was I meant to know that I’d be there alone for over an hour?” he demanded and glared right back at Bobby. “No one could call the school so they could get the message to me?”
Bobby frowned and then looked at Jeremiah. “Oh, fuck,” Jeremiah sighed and closed his eyes. He opened them in time to be punched by Bobby. “What the fuck, Bobby?”
As an argument broke out between Bobby and Jeremiah, Jack shook his head and ran upstairs. He ran to the corner of the wall and the tallboy, pulling his knees to his chest and covering his ears, trying desperately to block out the yelling. He didn’t understand why Bobby was so angry. It wasn’t like he’d been hurt, aside from the muscles, which were his own fault.
“You had one fuckin’ job, Jerry!”
“So did you, Bobby! Rule one: stay away from the crazy bitches!”
Jack squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could rip his ears off so he didn’t have to hear them screaming. He had no idea how to keep up with who was in the wrong. All of them were shouting at each other, to the point that their voices overlapped and just became one giant buzzing sound. He heard a sound cut through the buzzing and realized that it was Evelyn’s voice, barely raised, but it seemed to get to all of them.
“Enough,” she said and her three older sons fell silent. “We all broke the rules yesterday. Angel, go upstairs and get the first aid kit. Jeremiah, I’ve got the peas on the kitchen table. Bobby, you—”
“Jack?” Bobby called and ran up the stairs, followed closely by his brothers, his eyes immediately going to the corner. He hesitantly stepped into the room and got closer to Jack, until he was crouching in front of him.
“Why, Bobby?” Jack asked as a hoarse whisper.
“Why what, Jack?”
Jack lowered his arms and raised his head, gazing at Bobby and then at Jeremiah and Angel. “Why do I need one of you around me, to wait with me after school? I’m fifteen.”
Bobby pursed his lips, glancing over his shoulder as Angel and Jeremiah stood behind him. “To protect you, Jack,” he answered vaguely.
“We’ve all pissed people off, Jackie,” Angel continued as he crouched as well. “And they’ll go after you to hurt us. I shouldn’t’ve forgotten that.”
Bobby glanced at him sharply, but kept his mouth shut. Jack stared at Angel, never knowing that. Suddenly, the thought of the Mercer name holding water in school didn’t seem like a good thing. He thought back to last year, his first day that kid had attacked him because of something Bobby did. Somehow, he forgot to blame Bobby for that, especially after he protected him from Buck.
Jack set his jaw and gazed at Bobby with determination. “Everyone knows that being a Mercer is a serious health hazard,” he stated, which made Angel laughed shortly as he winced at the pain.
Bobby smirked and ruffled Jack’s hair, before he stood and turned to Angel and Jeremiah. Jack watched as the three of them hugged it out and left the bedroom. Jack slumped against the wall, feeling drained and looking at his bed. All he wanted to do was curl up on and go back to sleep, but knew that his time with Bobby had been shortened and he wasn’t get let the rest of it disappear.
oOo
Winter break rolled around and Jack yawned, snuggling down under the covers of his bed. He had to admit that Evelyn was right. Sleeping on the bed was far more comfortable than sleeping under it. He opened his eyes and gazed at the clock on his bedside chest. It was nearing three in the morning, so why was he awake? He shrugged and closed his eyes again and that was when he heard a cupboard opening in the kitchen.
Jack assumed it was Angel getting a drink, but he could hear him snoring in his bedroom. Jack sat up and slipped out of bed, ignoring the cold and opened his bedroom door. He glanced at Evelyn’s door and saw that it was still closed. He went to the stairs, taking care of where he treaded. Like the others, he quickly learned where all the squeaks and creaks were in the floorboards. He crept down the stairs and looked down the hallway.
The person moved through the dining room silently, clearly knowing where the creaks were, too. His eyes lit up and he went into the living room, just as quietly as the other. He waited until whatever they were carrying was put down and then shoved them back. It seemed that the other was expecting it, as his arms were caught and he was turned around, forced down onto his knees.
“That’s a bold move, Cracker Jack,” Bobby whispered and ruffled Jack’s hair, releasing him and turning on the television.
Jack stood up and rubbed his knees, glancing at the screen. He turned around as he saw that it was sports program that was highlighting events from all the games that were on the previous day. Jack smiled and shook his head, heading for the stairs. “It’s good to have you home, Bobby.”
“Goodnight, fairy,” Bobby said as he picked up his sandwich.

Jack’s eyes flew open as he heard Bobby and Angel trying to stifle their laughter. He sat up and tried to wipe the shaving cream off his face with the hand that was covered in it. Angel and Bobby broke out into hysterical laughter and Jack glared at him, slowly getting out of bed, while the other two doubled over and began gasping for air, as he tried to figure out who the mastermind behind it was.
As he searched their faces, Evelyn came up the stairs. “Oh, Bobby. Not the shaving cream one again.”
Jack zeroed in on Bobby. He grabbed a shirt and wiped his hands and face on it, then threw it at Bobby and tackled him while he was still laughing and taking Angel down, as well. Evelyn was smart enough to disappear into her room. He punched Bobby in the solar plexus, which just made him laugh harder and change their positions.
Struggling, Jack tried to keep the pout of his glare, but it seemed that he couldn’t, as Angel stood over him and Bobby. “Aww, he’s adorable,” he cooed and laughed when the glare completely left Jack’s face and he pouted. “C’mon, little brother. We’ve all been had by Bobby and the shaving cream.”
Bobby stood up and clapped Angel on the shoulder. “At least he didn’t cry like you, Angel,” he stated as he walked down the stairs.
“I was thirteen and goin’ through puberty, man,” Angel said as he followed Bobby down the stairs.
Jack stood up and went to the bathroom, as Evelyn came out of her room. She smiled and Jack grinned, grateful that Bobby felt he was stable enough to be pranked. He showered quickly and brushed his teeth, heading back to his bedroom to dress for the day, while putting his laundry into a basket and taking it downstairs. He got his washing going and headed back upstairs to work on a rift that wasn’t sounding right to him.
“Jackie-poo,” Angel called from the bottom of the stairs. “Get down here for breakfast, man.”
Jack forgot about that. Whenever Bobby was home, they always ate at the table. Since Bobby had moved to the earlier shifts at work, he hadn’t been able to call that often, unless he was up early. Jack put his guitar down and headed back downstairs. He went into the dining room as Evelyn came through with a plate stacked high with waffles. It looked as though someone else had set the table.
While Bobby and Angel helped themselves to the waffles, Jack stared down at his empty plate. He blinked when two waffles were placed on it and drizzled in strawberry syrup. He looked up at Evelyn and smiled, thanking her. He began picking at his breakfast, his mind still on the rift. His head snapped up and Bobby smacked him upside it.
“Eat your breakfast, Jack,” he ordered and nodded towards the untouched food.
“I’m not hungry,” Jack said with a shrug and drank his milk.
Bobby watched him and smirked. “Ya have no problem swallowin’ white liquids.”
Jack choked on the last mouth, while Angel laughed and Evelyn narrowed her eyes. “Bobby, not at the table while we’re eating,” she chided and placed her fork down. “Are you okay, Jackie?”
“Fine,” Jack hissed and glared at Bobby. “I was finished, anyway.” He stood up and left the dining room. He went to his bedroom, pulled on his shoes, grabbed his smokes and lighter and his favorite denim jacket. “I’m heading out for a bit.”
“Stay safe, Jackie,” Evelyn called back, not taking her eyes off of Bobby. “You apologize to him when he gets back.”
Jack walked down the street. The moment he rounded a corner, he lit up and continued walking. He had no idea where he was going, as long as it was away from Bobby for the moment. He knew that Bobby teased him out of love, but some times, it hit a little too close to painful memories for him. He forced the memories back, not wanting them to taint where he was.
As he wandered the streets, Jack kept his hands in his pockets at all times. He shivered as a cold breeze swept by and pierced the thin tee-shirt he had on. He knew he should’ve been paying attention to where he was going, as he didn’t want to get lost and have to call for someone to pick him up. That wouldn’t be an issue until it was, as far as he was concerned.
He passed a nativity scene, which had people caroling around it. Jack ignored it and continued walking, turning up and down streets, ducking and weaving between people that were doing their Christmas shopping. He paused outside of some stores, gazing at what they had on sale, not remotely interested in it, but it gave him a chance to take a rest from walking.
Time soon got away from him, as he noticed that the streets were getting darker. Still, he kept walking, as though driven by some force. He stopped outside of a house and froze, his blood running cold as he tried to figure out why the hell he would go there. Foster home number eight. He could see lights on in the house and people’s shadows as they passed through the rooms. However, he couldn’t hear anyone screaming and figured it would’ve been sold off in the four years that he was living with the Mercers for.
Before Evelyn took him in, that house was the one he was at for the longest. However, it gave him no sense of security or safety, so he had no idea why he would spend an entire day walking there. He wasn’t brave enough to face the people that had hurt him, so he had no idea why he would spend an entire day walking there. He sighed and shook his head, trying to clear it.
He walked away, before someone called the cops. His legs trembled from hunger and exhaustion, but he knew he had to get home. He needed to hug Evelyn and have her tell him that everything was going to be okay and that no one would hurt him. He needed the comfort of knowing that everything bad was in the past.
Jack turned up an alley and froze when he heard a gruff voice say, “Hey, faggot.”
However, he was too tired, too sore and too hungry to deal with that bullshit. “Maybe lower the mirror the next time you say that,” he muttered and continued walking, rolling his eyes as two others blocked his path.
“The fuck did you say to me, bitch?”
As far as Jack could tell, there were only three of them. “I said you shouldn’t call yourself a faggot, fuck knuckle,” he said, not wanting to turn his back to the two.
The one behind him shoved his back hard. Jack stumbled forward a few steps and the other two barreled down on him. He managed to punch one in the face, before his arm was caught. His body was screaming at him to stop using so much energy, while his brain was telling him to fight them off before he died. For a split second, Jack wondered if the ‘heart of a Mercer’ was why he couldn’t keep his mouth around people that wanted to kill him. It would explain so much about Bobby and more often than not, Angel as well. It seemed their mouths would always get them into trouble.
Jack half turned and saw the other was holding a butterfly knife, which he opened. “What do you have to say about this, faggot?”
“It’s probably still bigger than your dick,” Jack stated and mentally slapped himself. He had to stop running his mouth and pissing people off. He inhaled deeply and kicked out the knee of the guy that was holding his arm and kicked the other that was scrambling to his feet from the punch across the jaw.
The one holding him refused to let go, so Jack slipped out of his jacket and hissed as his upper arm was cut with the knife. The one holding it clearly had no idea how to hold a knife correctly, but that wasn’t what was on Jack’s mind. Something about this set up was wrong. One of them had a weapon and wasn’t going in for the kill or to maim, aside from a cut that was hardly deep.
Jack looked down the alley as the one hold the knife smirked in triumphant. Jack saw a mob of people walking down and he assumed they were friends with this lot. Not again, he mentally screamed as he shoved the other out of the way and ran out of the alley, forgetting about his jacket. He had no idea where he was or where he was going, but he just ran. The only thought in his mind was: Get to Bobby.
His legs moved faster when he heard gunshots and bullets sailing past him. He heard the other people on the street screaming and ducking for cover, while Jack rounded a corner and slipped on a patch of ice. He gritted his teeth as his hip and shoulder took all of the force. He knew they were going to be bruised the next day, but he got up and continued running.
The city was a blur to him, his eyes only picking up possible exits that could extend the lead he had over the gang behind him. His lungs burned and he could feel his lighter digging into his thigh. After a few minutes, the adrenaline wore off and slowed and fell to his knees, trying desperately to catch his breath. He couldn’t any more gunshots and he looked over his shoulder, deciding they probably figured he wasn’t worth the chase. He had no idea why they thought he was worth attempting to mug, though. He was a scrawny ass kid that had holes in his jeans.
As panted, he rubbed his arms to keep them warm. He looked at his left hand and frowned when he saw blood. He forgot about the cut on his arm and sighed. Mom was going to flip out. He stumbled to his feet and shuffled out of the alley, looking around for some kind of landmark to tell him where he was.
“Found ya, bitch.”
Jack’s eyes widened slightly and he looked to his right, seeing the idiot that didn’t know how to hold a knife and four others behind him. “Come on, man! All this over a few smartass coments?”
“No, actually,” a different voice said and the five parted as a tall man walked up to him. “We know you’re the youngest Mercer and I’d like you to give a message to Bobby.”
For a stupid moment, Jack relaxed. “Was that all? You could’ve just said that, man.”
The man smiled, his eyes cold and nodded. “Just tell Bobby that Harley said to get the fuck out of the city or we’ll come back and finish the job.”
“Finish what job?” Jack asked stupidly, before his vision was blacked out and he was gagged, dragged into the alley, where he had the shit kicked out of him. He felt three ribs break and knew his right shoulder was dislocated. They took it relatively easy on his face, but he knew he had a concussion.
“Do you remember the message?” the man asked, listening to Jack’s wheezing breaths once he removed the gag.
“Yes,” Jack choked out.
“Good.” The man did something, as Jack was picked up and thrown into the back of a van. “We’ll drop you off on your street.”
The drive was done in silence and lasted only a few minutes, before the van stopped and Jack was throw out onto the sidewalk. He sat up and removed the bag, seeing a dark van speed off down the street. He had no idea how he managed it, but he got to his feet and stumbled home. He had no idea how late it was, but he just wanted to go to bed and sleep forever.
He entered through the front door and ignored Bobby as he stood in the living room entrance. He tried to shamble upstairs, but found that he didn’t have the energy after taking on the front steps. “Stop,” Bobby ordered and Jack did. “Turn around.” Jack followed the order and stared at Bobby with glazed eyes. “We’re going to the hospital.”
Jack didn’t make a sound or fight back as Bobby gently led him out of the house and into the car. He tried not to breath or think, shifting to alleviate some of the pain from his ribs. Bobby was silent, not even asking who had done it or where he’d been when he was jumped. Jack was grateful for the silence, but he did notice how white Bobby’s knuckles were.
“I’m—”
The car screeched to a stop and Bobby got out. He opened Jack’s door and tried to support him with as little pain as possible, taking him into the emergency room and that’s where Jack blacked out. When he woke again, he had no idea how much time had passed, but he was in a hospital room. He was alone with the beeping machines.
He looked at everything was on him. He removed the IV and the pads that read his heart and pulse rates, flinching as the machines flat lined, which brought a nurse running in as Jack stood on his feet, unstable. She shook her head and tried to get him back into the bed, but Jack refused to budge until he knew where Bobby was. She told him that her brothers had gone home for the night.
“I wanna go home,” he told her and ignored the pain his throat and she shook her head.
“You can’t go home right now, Mister Mercer. Now, please get back in the bed, so I can hook you up again.”
“I wanna go home,” he said again, glaring at the woman that was in his way. He needed to see Mom and his brothers. He didn’t want to spend the night away from them. “I need to see Bobby.”
The nurse sighed softly. “I will have you physically restrained if you don’t get back in the bed,” she warned and Jack ignored her.
“I need Bobby.”
Before she could open her mouth to say that he wasn’t there for the third time, there was a commotion outside of the room. “Sir? Sir, you can’t go in there!” The man cried out in pain and the nurse went to see what was happening. She jumped back when the door to the room swung open.
“Bobby,” Jack said as his eyes filled with tears and he stumbled over to his brother. Bobby supported him and took him back to the bed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it, Jack,” Bobby told him as he laid him down and stood back, holing Jack’s gaze as the nurse fixed him up to the machines and IV again.
“You really shouldn’t be in here,” she said softly to Bobby and tensed at the glare he sent her. “He needs to rest.”
“Oh, yeah. He was doin’ a lot of that when I came in,” Bobby snapped and the nurse pursed her lips. “Either I stay or he leaves with me. I’d prefer he stays here. But make no mistake, I will break him out if you call the cops.”
The nurse looked at Jack and saw that he was far more compliant with his brother around. She got the feeling that if she had Bobby removed by force, Jack would follow him and she sighed. “I’ll bring a chair in for you.” She went to the door and saw that the doctor that tried to stop Bobby had a bloody nose. “Was that necessary?”
“He got in my way,” Bobby replied and watched as she left the room. His eyes returned to Jack and he held his hand up as Jack opened his mouth. “I know who did it, Jack.” He pulled the newspaper out of the back pocket of his jeans and dropped it on Jack’s lap.
Jack read the headline: Gang of Twelve Dead. “Did you get Harley?”
“Of course we did, Jackie,” Bobby said as the nurse came back in, carrying a chair. She set it down beside the bed and left again. Bobby sat down and sighed. “You gotta stop walkin’ the streets alone, man. Where the fuck did you go for thirteen hours?”
Jack lowered his eyes the newspaper and rolled a corner between his thumb and forefinger. “I just walked around. I didn’t mean to stay out so long.” He frowned as he saw the date on the newspaper was December 31^st. “How long was I asleep for?”
“You fell into a coma for a month,” Bobby said quietly and dropped his eyes to the bed covers. He looked over his shoulder as the nurse came in with a cup and a jug of water, handing them to Bobby. He poured the water into the cup and placed the jug on the table, handing the cup to Jack. They fell silent as the nurse took note of Jack’s vitals and then left them alone.
Jack sipped the water, still digesting Bobby’s words. It didn’t feel like he’d been asleep for that long. “I’m sorry, Bobby. I’ve been nothing but trouble since I got there.”
“Don’t you fuckin’ dare go down that road,” Bobby growled and exhaled shakily when Jack lowered his head. “If Ma was here, she’d tell ya that you’re worth the trouble.” He paused, hoping it would get Jack to look up. He smirked when it did. “And we agree with her.”
Jack nodded and dropped his eyes back to the newspaper. He kept his eyes down as Bobby stood and moved the newspaper to the table. He certainly didn’t feel as though he was worth the trouble, since this was the second time that he’d gone to the hospital.
“Jack, I’m sorry.”
With a frown, Jack looked up. Bobby looked heartbroken, which closed Jack’s throat. “Why?”
“I should’ve been there to protect ya, man.”
Jack turned his head away, letting the tears slide out of his eyes and disappear into the fabric of the pillow. “It wasn’t your fa—”
“Yeah, it was, Jack and that just makes it worse.” Jack could hear the anger that Bobby had for himself and knew nothing he said would stop Bobby from hating himself. He would never stop feeling guilty.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Jack stated and looked at him. “If I hadn’t walked so far away from home, I wouldn’t have been out of your reach.” He shifted uncomfortably in the bed. “How’d you even know I was awake?”
Bobby shrugged. “I have no idea. It was the same whenever Angel or Jerry were in the hospital. I guess it’s just big brother intuition.” He sat down in the chair and Jack noticed for the first time just how tired his oldest brother looked.
“Are you okay?”
Bobby chuckled bitterly and tilted his head back. “Wow,” he said and leveled his head, gazing at Jack. “Don’t worry about me, you little fairy. You concentrate on healin’, so you can go back to school.”
Jack lied back on his pillows, keeping his head turned to Bobby. He knew that Bobby never wanted any of his brothers worrying about and shouldered every responsibility he thought he had to. The only problem was, aside from Mom, Bobby had no one to lean on and Jack wished he would find someone. Preferably him. He shoved that thought out of his head, not wanting to go there while he was on painkillers and feeling tired.
“I love you, Bobby.”
“I love you, too, little brother.” Bobby settled down in the chair, staring at the window of the room. “Get some sleep. You look like shit.” Jack smiled and closed his eyes.
oOo
When he was discharged a few days later, Evelyn kept Jack at home for a further week, just to make sure he was strong enough to handle going back to school. Jack wanted to ask her if she knew about the Harley incident, but she simply smiled as if knowing what he was thinking and told him that Bobby always protects his family, at any cost. He also learned when he got home, that Angel had left to join the military after the massacre.
Since he was home alone most of the time, Jack ambled around. He’d spent too long in a bed already and he wanted something to do. TV bored him and he couldn’t concentrate enough to focus on his guitar. He’d washed his bedding every day, just for something to do. He made cupcakes and muffins, since they had the ingredients and it gave him something else to do.
His ribs still weren’t fully healed, which meant he could only walk up the stairs, instead of taking them two at a time. He did all the laundry he could find and often dirtied clothing and anything else he could his hands on, just to clean up a mess. By day three, he was getting angry and purposely left his smokes in his bedroom, as he knew he’d spend all day just sitting around and smoking.
He was outside, having his second one of the day when he heard a car pull into the driveway. He cursed and ducked down, waiting to see if the driver would come to the backdoor. He relaxed as whoever it was went to the front and finished his smoke, flicking the butt away and stayed outside for a few more minutes, hearing Bobby calling out for him.
Bobby went to the backdoor and watched Jack for a minute, seeing the listlessness in his eyes. ‘You been bakin’ again, you little fairy?”
“Yep,” Jack answered and slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans, staring up at the sky. “Cookies, today. I might try éclairs tomorrow.”
“Have you been eatin’?” Jack shrugged. Food wasn’t very appealing to him at the moment. “C’mon, Jackie. Ya gotta eat, man.”
Jack pulled his arm free as Bobby grabbed. “Why?”
“Because Ma’d kill if she found out I let you starve your fairy ass. Now, get inside and have something to eat.” Jack shook his head. “Goddamn it, Jack!” Bobby grabbed him and threw him into the laundry room.
Jack glared at Bobby. “I’m not hungry.”
“I don’t give a shit. You don’t wanna be under house arrest? Shut the fuck up and eat somethin’.” Bobby shook his head as he walked past Jack and headed upstairs to shower.
Jack sighed and went into the kitchen. He knew that Bobby was right and that just infuriated him. He made a sandwich and sat down at the table, staring at it. His stomach was churning and he knew he wouldn’t be able to eat it. He pushed the plate away, looking at the cookies that were on the counter. He would need to ice those, which gave him something to do.
Leaving the sandwich on the table, Jack got the icing sugar and looked at the bowl of oranges that were sitting on the counter as well. With a shrug, he decided to juice them. He heard the shower turn off and Bobby go into Angel’s room, where he was staying while home. Jack heard him come down the stairs a few minutes later, as he juiced the last orange.
“I told you to eat.”
Jack ignored him and strained the juice, removing any of the pulp that might have gotten into it. He felt Bobby standing behind him and sighed. “I told you I wasn’t hungry,” he said as he dropped the sieve into the sink and began mixing the juice into the powdered sugar.
Bobby backed off, figuring Jack was going through one of his mood swings again. He sat down at the table and ate the sandwich instead, watching as Jack got the icing to the right consistency. He wasn’t sure if Ma had taught the fairy to make the sweets he was, but he had to admit that Jack actually looked happy while he was icing the cookies.
“Somethin’ bother’ ya, sweetheart?” Bobby asked as he finished the sandwich and took the plate to the sink. Jack shook his head and Bobby waited until he finished the last cookie, before saying, “Stop lyin’ to me.”
Jack sucked the icing off his thumb as he turned to Bobby. “I’m not,” he said and put the bowl in the sink, turning on the hot water. He washed what dishes were in the sink, trying to ignore Bobby. The oldest was basically pressed to his side. He relaxed when Bobby moved away and dried his hands. He turned around and found Bobby just right there. “Fuck, Bobby! What’s your problem?”
“Well, there’s work, which is being a bitch at the moment. There’s the fact that I might be brought up on charges for Harley’s murder. But right now, my problem is you.” Bobby watched as Jack hung up the dish towel. “Why aren’t you eatin’?”
“What do you mean you might be brought up on charges for Harley’s murder?”
“Everyone knows he had a beef with me,” Bobby said with a shrug. “Little Jackie Mercer ends up in the hospital and a week later, Harley and his gang are discovered in a garage.”
Jack was about to ask if they’d left any evidence behind, when his brain clicked onto something else. “Did you… Did you just try to recreate the Valentine’s Day Massacre in Detroit?” he asked with a smirk.
“The only thing missin’ was the Tommy gun.” Bobby grabbed a beer from the fridge and went into the living room. “And tyin’ Al Capone to it.”
Jack followed Bobby into the living room and gently eased himself down in front of the sofa. He caught Bobby staring at him and frowned. “What?”
“You could try sittin’ on the sofa, man.”
“With you taking up as much room as humanly possible?” Jack scoffed and rolled his eyes. He sighed when he felt Bobby’s foot playing with his hair. “Stop it, Bobby.”
“You could ask me to move, ya know.”
Bobby’s foot didn’t let up and Jack glared at him. “Stop it or I’ll fuckin’ break ’em,” he warned, which earned him a cocked eyebrow from Bobby.
“Why so violent toward your big brother, Jackie?”
Before Jack could answer, there was a knock at the door. Bobby gave no indication that he was going to move, so Jack slowly stood up and went to the door. He frowned as there a courier there and opened the door. He accepted and signed for the letter that was handed over, seeing his name on it. He had no idea why someone would be sending a letter that had to be signed for to him, especially when it was addressed to Jack Mercer.
“Who is it, Jack?” Bobby asked when he didn’t hear the front door closed. He didn’t receive and answer and stood up, going to the living room entrance. There was no one at the door, but Jack was staring down at something. “What’s wrong?”
Jack blinked and closed the door, turning around and slipping the letter into the back pocket of his jeans. “Nothing. I’m gonna rest for a little bit. My ribs are killing me.” He headed upstairs, feeling Bobby’s eyes on him, until the door was closed.
With shaking hands, Jack opened the envelope and saw City of Detroit in the header. He had no idea what it could be. He pulled the letter out and read the words, his eyes widening. He swallowed thickly and went to his favorite corner, unable to let go of the letter and unable to think of what to do if it happened.
A few hours later, Evelyn came home. Jack had heard Bobby in the kitchen getting dinner started an hour or so ago, but he couldn’t move. Evelyn and Bobby made conversation about how their day was and Evelyn sent Bobby up to collect Jack for dinner. Even a blind man would see that Jack wasn’t eating and it was beginning to scare her.
Jack continued to stare at his knees, barely registering that someone was knocking on his door. He didn’t show a flicker of recognition when Bobby crouched in front of him. He gave up no fight as Bobby took the letter, read it and grew unnaturally still. He didn’t hear a word of assurance that Bobby said. All he could think about were the times from his birth to when he was taken away at six.
He had tried so hard to joke about those years, thinking that he’d never be hurt by that man again. He tried to forget about them, praying that he’d never get hurt by that man again. He didn’t fight when Bobby picked him up and placed him in the bed, pulling off his shoes. He was tucked in and the light was left on, as Bobby left the room, going back to the dining room with the letter.
Bobby handed the letter over to Evelyn and she swallowed, standing up. “When did this come?”
“Today. It’s addressed to him, which is why he read it. Why didn’t you tell us that he’d come up for parole twice before?”
“Because I knew that you would talk me out of keeping him in prison, so he could be released and you, Angel and Jeremiah could kill him.” Bobby opened his mouth to defend himself, but Evelyn silenced him with a glance. “We need to keep him as far away as possible from Jackie.”
“And if he’s dead, he’ll never touch him—or even think of touchin’ him again!”
Evelyn lowered her eyes to the letter. She would never openly condone murder, especially if it meant that one of her boys might be caught. She didn’t want them going to jail for life. Bobby had already spent more than his fair share of time in juvenile detention and still managed to break the law.
“If—if—you did this, you would have to leave and that’d crush Jack more than having him back on the streets.” Evelyn looked up and saw that Bobby seemed ready to accept that punishment; the possibility that Jack might hate him, though Evelyn knew that Jack would never hate him fully.
“I’ve seen what that piece of shit did to him. I want it dead.” Bobby left the dining room and went back to Jack’s room.
Evelyn sat down and stared at the letter without seeing it. She knew that Bobby would do something stupid, so he could get arrested and end up in the same prison as his target. She knew that Bobby could murder the man and leave no trace that he was there. She would be lying if she said that didn’t feel the exact same way as Bobby, but she was his mother and she had to talk him out of it.
As the night wore on, Evelyn cleaned up the dining room and put away the leftovers, sighing heavily. She knew that Bobby leaving would likely send Jack into a downward spiral that she wouldn’t be able to save him from. They had all worked so hard to bring him out of his shell, but she also knew the only reason Bobby had hung around instead of going back to his job, was because Angel had left. He was staying for Jack.
After wiping down the counters, Evelyn went into the living room. She cleared her way to the fireplace and reached up inside, pulling out a packet of cigarettes that had been there way too long, but she didn’t care at the moment. She needed to think and she wasn’t going to steal Jack’s, though she wished he would quit.
She went outside, standing on the pathway to the front of the house, lighting up. She inhaled and wrinkled her nose. Stale cigarettes were never a good thing, but she was desperate. As she smoked, she looked at the two cars in the driveway. She loved it when her boys visited, though she often wished Bobby would hang around a little longer than the average week. Thanks to Jack, she had gotten longer stays from Bobby.
And now, she knew she might not see him for quite some time. She figured it wouldn’t be any different than the time he left at sixteen, only to return for Christmas two years later and meet Jack. She continued to puff away, knowing that this time wouldn’t be the same as then. Bobby had left without warning and still hadn’t given her a reason for why he left, though she suspected it was because of a death he couldn’t stop. She had expected him to run after he and his brothers took out the gang that had attacked Jack.
Finishing the cigarette, she flicked it into the snow and sighed, exhaling the last of it in her lungs. She pulled her coat around her body a little more, looking at the house. It seemed so quiet without Angel and Jeremiah and she knew it would fall dead silent when Bobby left. Jackie would always be a quiet kid, but he would make up for it by playing music too loud or strumming his guitar, which seemed to grate on Bobby’s nerves, except when Jack practiced one solo from a song he enjoyed.
Evelyn thought about Jack, about what he had gone through. She knew there were other Jacks out there, all going through what he did without someone like her to save them. But she had saved Jack, just as she had saved Angel, Jeremiah and Bobby. She knew that Jack came to her for comfort, but Bobby gave him the security that was missing from his life. He was a…mostly…positive male role model.
Bobby tried to do what was right, but trouble always found him. Whether it was from his past or because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, he usually had to fight his way out. That’s exactly what Bobby was; a fighter. He fought for his mother, his home and his brothers. He always had a strong bond with them, but she knew there was a different kind of bond with Jack.
This instance wouldn’t be the first time that Bobby had killed for his brothers. Before Angel and Jeremiah were big enough to fully defend themselves, Bobby was there. As soon as they were old to fight their own fights, Bobby stood back and would help when needed. Somehow, Bobby always knew when one of his brothers was in trouble. He seemed to have some kind of beacon that was just as strong as Evelyn’s.
She looked up at the second floor, knowing that Bobby was watching over Jack. She feared Bobby’s return, if she gave him the permission he wanted. Every time he killed someone, a little piece of him seemed to die. She knew that eventually all of him would die and there’d be no cure for it. She didn’t want to lose him because of something she let happen. She wished she’d been home to receive the letter.
With a sigh, she lit another cigarette, knowing she had to decide if she let Bobby murder someone and then run, or if she let him go to prison, murder a man and then stay behind bars for the rest of his life. She knew the first option was the best, but that would destroy Jack. If he was in prison, Jack could still get to see him and it would make a lot of the cops feel better knowing that the oldest Mercer boy was off the streets, which just strengthened her resolve. She could help Jack as much as she could.
After finishing her cigarette, Evelyn returned the packet to the fireplace and made everything the same as before. She inhaled deeply and went upstairs, stopping at Jack’s doorway. Jack was asleep, though he was hardly breathing and she found Bobby sitting in a chair, watching him like a hawk for the slightest sign of distress. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and she gave a slight nod, knowing that she would lose both children in one night. Somehow, it seemed worth it.
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Shadow of Blue