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Five Times Megamind Slept With Metro Man	By : tripperfunster Category: zMisplaced Stories [ADMIN use only] > Megamind Views: 2758 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Megamind or any of it's characters, nor do I make any money from them.

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Wayne shifted the grocery bags to one arm as he struggled to free his keys from his front pocket. Once liberated, he thumbed through them to find the right one, except … his door was already unlocked. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He took a deep breath and quietly lowered the bags to the floor.

He had pissed off more than his share of criminals during his reign as Metro Man and he had always figured it was just a matter of time until one of them decided to seek revenge.

He eased the door open a crack, and when nothing seemed immediately amiss, he pressed it open further. The television was flickering in the dark room, but aside from that everything seemed normal. Wayne reached around behind the door and picked up a commemorative baseball bat. He slid one large hand around the grip and slowly entered the living room, bat raised and ready to bash the first lowlife to leap out of the shadows.

The television was playing a documentary on African wild cats, and the sounds of the lions snarling and growling did nothing to settle his nerves. He searched the room in the flickering light but could see nothing out of place, until he looked at the sofa and found Megamind splayed out there.

He was on his stomach this time, one arm dangling off the edge. His giant head was smushed into the seat cushion, face turned just enough to breathe, and his legs -- Wayne stopped for a moment and sucked in his breath. Megamind’s boots and gloves were off. Aside from their short time together in elementary school (and one brief visit at the prison) Wayne hadn’t seen his nemesis without his trademark bicep length gloves. And he had certainly never seen the villain’s feet.

The fact that he had feet wasn’t a surprise, of course, but seeing them here, uncovered, crossed at the ankles with blue toes dug into the material between the cushions and the armrest was … odd, yet comforting. Oddly comforting.

“Little blue feet.” he whispered to nobody in particular.

Megamind shifted, then stretched, his shoulders hunching, his free arm stiffening and skimming the ground. He rolled onto his back and cracked one eye open at Wayne. “Hey,” he said, then; “HEY!”

In a startling show of speed and athleticism, the little hero sprung up and skittered onto the back of the couch, arms shielding his large head. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Oh!” said Wayne, lowering the bat and letting it fall to the floor. “Sorry, I forgot I was holding that.”

Megamind climbed down from the back of the couch, one hand clutching his chest. “Geez, you nearly gave me a heart attack. What’s with the head-basher anyway?”

“To club the bad guys with? I thought someone had broken into my place. I was just protecting myself. Say, how’d you get in, anyway?”

Megamind raised an eyebrow. “Please, former Master of All Villainy here. A simple half Mortise lock is no match for me. It barely slowed me down. And I repeat; “What up with the bat?”

Wayne shrugged. “I thought there was an intruder. What don’t you get?”

“Hello? Have we met? Super strength? Laser vision? Super speed? And I dunno, a million other things probably too. Bionic legs? Radioactive blood? Wonder-Twin powers?” Megamind yawned and rubbed his face. “You don’t need a bat to subdue the bad guys, you’re freakin’ Metro Man.”

“Not anymore,” he said. “I’m Music Man now. And even that …” he trailed off. “Well, it’s not going like I’d hoped. I guess I’m just plain Wayne now.”

“Well, Just Plain Wayne,” said Megamind, curling into a ball, “you shouldn’t ignore the things that are part of who you are. Look at me. Being a hero didn’t stop me from doing a little B&E tonight.”

“Yeah, well, we all do what we gotta do.”

Megamind rubbed his fists into his eye sockets. “Where were you?”

“Groceries. I like to go late at night. Less chance of getting recognized. And what’s with you? It’s barely 11pm, why are you so zonked? I thought evil never sleeps.”

“Abduction. Two very long nights of searching the city for a missing child.”

“Oh, tough one. Did you find them?”

“Yeah. It ended up being a stupid miscommunication between the woman and her ex-husband. Custody battles, ugh!” Megamind stretched his arms above his head and yawned. “Thanks to their stupidity, I haven’t slept for--” he checked his watch and groaned--”thirty-three hours.”

He closed his eyes, then promptly popped them open. “Hey! You got rid of your thing! You shaved!”

Wayne pawed at his newly smooth chin and grinned. “Yeah, it was time.”

“S’nice,” said Megamind, eyes sliding closed.

“Thanks. I’m gonna grab the groceries. You hungry?”

There was no answer. Wayne set to the task of bringing in the food and fixing himself a snack. At least Megamind had been considerate enough to leave him some room. He located the remote control and settled himself onto the far end of the sofa, switching the channel to something more entertaining and less growly than nature shows.

Half-way through the late, late news, Megamind stirred and stretched out his legs, then deposited his feet into Wayne’s lap. Wayne looked at the hero, but he was still dead to the world. The feet twitched and toes curled and Megamind let out a heavy sigh. Wayne tentatively wrapped one large hand around the little foot and gave a light squeeze. God, they were soft! And so well groomed! They were immaculately clean, and each toe nail was clipped short and straight across. No chips or cracks or unsightly hangnails.

Wayne had always prized himself on his own appearance, but he’d never given himself such a thorough pedicure. He gently lifted up the blue foot and took a cautious sniff. Leather. And perhaps some sort of moisturizer? He inhaled more deeply, searching his mind for that familiar smell. Some sort of cologne? Perhaps a product made for keeping those boots supple?

“Metro Mahn!“ said Megamind in a husky whisper.

Wayne froze. He was busted.

Megamind raised one hand and pointed across the room. “You forget, that the pendulum of evil swings both ways.” The hand flopped down on his chest and his head tilted back, mouth parted.

Was -- was he still asleep? Wayne gingerly placed the foot back in his lap and folded his hands. “Buddy?” he whispered, “you up?”

Megamind said nothing, but smacked his lips and grinned. Wayne grinned too. This could be fun!

Megamind’s hands fluttered and twitched, then balled into fists. “Yes,” he hissed, breathy and low, “but the clock of evil keeps no time.”

Wayne clapped a hand over his mouth. This was gold. The feet in his lap jerked and trembled, and Wayne wondered if he was running in his dream. Or perhaps even dancing? Then, hands on hips, Megamind laughed heartily and proclaimed; “But you forget, I possess the Sassy Pancakes!”

At this, Wayne couldn’t help but laugh out loud, waking the sleeping hero.

“What? What is it?” he cried, large eyes darting around the dark room.

“Nothing,” Wayne soothed, “it's okay. You were just having a dream.”

“Oh my!” Megamind said, horror dawning on his face. “I was talking, wasn’t I?” His eyes travelled down to his feet in Wayne’s lap and he quickly jerked them away, curling himself into a ball. “And kicking you, no doubt. My apologies.”

“Nah, you didn’t kick me, but you were talking.”

“How embarrassing,” he said, brow furrowing. “I hope I didn’t say anything too … revealing? Or inappropriate?”

“What were you dreaming about? You said something about the ‘pendulum of evil’?”

“Oh yes!” said Megamind, eyes lighting up in recognition, “There was a ray. A nudity beam. Oh my!” his cheeks flushed and he clamped a hand over his mouth.

“Care to tell me about the ‘Sassy Pancakes?’”

Megamind had the decency to look mortified, then burst out laughing. “Oh dear, that is beyond ridiculous! That was my name for the ray. I really don’t know what is wrong with my brain sometimes. I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I tend to talk in my sleep, especially when I’m over tired.”

“Nudity beam, huh?” Wayne winked at him and grinned. “Was I there?”

“No!” Megamind lied, blushing even deeper. “Not at all.”

“Too bad,” he said, “It sounded like fun.”

Megamind slipped on his boots and hopped to his feet. “Well, I’ve imposed on you enough. I should get back to the lair.”

“You could stay,” Wayne offered, “It’s pretty late.”

“Thank you, but no.” He held his wrist up to his face and pressed a button on his watch. “Minion, code: Pick me up at Goody Two-shoes. Sorry!” he stage whispered to Wayne, “Old nickname.”

Wayne shrugged, “Hey, I’ve been called worse.”

“I very much doubt that,” said Megamind, searching around the couch. “Oh, here they are.” He picked up his gloves and gave a salute. “Thank you for your hospitality. I’m sorry I had to break in.”

“Anytime little buddy, anytime.” He raised his own hand in a wave and watched Megamind back out of the door and snick it shut behind him.
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Five Times Megamind Slept With Metro Man