The Thin Line | By : JayCeeBee Category: Star Wars (All) > General Views: 7599 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Chapter 3
Luke stood outside the door to their honeymoon suite for the longest time. He had walked around the city for Force knows how long, a part of him feeling guilty for leaving Mara like he did, but he just couldn’t think straight at the time.
At first he thought that seeing him naked for the first time was what had repulsed her, but as he cleared his head, he realized that wasn’t it, not exactly. She had been hesitant and mentally stiff the whole night. What was it specifically that had repulsed her? And why had she acted as though she wasn’t until he said something?
He thought he knew Mara, knew her better then anyone could ever know her. How could he have missed something so seemingly vital?
Taking a deep breath, Luke opened the door to their suite. It was quiet and most of the lights were dimmed. Guardedly, he reached out through their bond to find his wife.
Following her unique signature in the Force, he found his way into the main living space. The exterior wall was a large transparisteel window with a long bench piled with plush pillows running across the bottom. There lay his wife, wrapped up in a robe, her face streaked with tears, asleep.
“Oh, Mara,” Luke sighed as he sat down next to her, brushing away a few strands of loose hair. He could feel the tension that was evident on her face. She was having nightmares again, horrible ones. They always came to her in her most desperate times.
Very carefully, so as not to wake her, he pulled her onto his lap, holding her much like he had done every night since she’d asked him to wait to consummate their relationship. Through the Force he could feel the tension of the dreams ebbing away, being replaced by more peaceful sleep. But the tension between the two of them still remained.
“Force, Mara. What aren’t you telling me?” he whispered into the air, running a hand through her hair. He kissed her forehead. “I’ll love you, no matter what.”
He meant it, too. He loved Mara with all his heart, and would always love her, that’s just the way he worked. Even Callista still held a small piece of his heart from when he had been with her. But Mara was the one that he’d wanted to marry, to be with until his dying day. He could share with her not only his heart and soul, but his life as well. That was one thing none of the other women that had been in his life could do.
Mara was… the one.
Letting out another sigh, he held his wife closer, letting her rest. She would need it, because when she woke up there was plenty to answer for, on both sides.
***
Slowly Mara came back to consciousness as the sun filtered through the transparisteel window.
Sunrise?
Mara opened her eyes and peered over Luke’s shoulder. Sure enough, the sun was reaching over the peaks of the nearby buildings.
Luke’s shoulder!
Mara focused her gaze on her husband who was holding her against him. He was leaning back against the window, seemingly asleep. She hadn’t realized that he had come back during the night. The relentless nightmares had caused such mental exhaustion that she had let herself be vulnerable in her sleep.
No, you let yourself be vulnerable because you knew it was Luke, you trust Luke, you love Luke.
Sighing, Mara slid off his lap and sat next to him on the edge of the seat, pulling her robe tighter around her body so that she wouldn’t be so exposed. The window was supposed to be one way viewing, but she had a sudden bout of self-consciousness.
“You’re beautiful,” came Luke’s voice from next to her. “That can’t be what you’re worried about.”
“It’s not that, Luke.” Mara was having the sudden urge to break down in tears, which was completely unlike her. She rubbed her cheek, feeling the subtle remnants of her previous tears. Maybe it was more like her then she thought.
A gentle hand rested on her shoulder. “I’m sorry I left last night.”
“No, don’t be. You did what any man would do.” Mara bowed her head. “What I expected you to do once you found out.”
“Found out what, Mara?”
She pulled the robe tighter around herself, a sudden chill running up her spine. He still didn’t know, still didn’t get it. Her lip quivered. “I… I can’t tell you.”
“Why?” He sounded so innocent and boyish, it was heart-warming and at the same time, gut-wrenching. How could she do this to him?
“You’ll hate me.” Tears started to well up in her eyes.
“Mara, look at me.” That gentle hand went to her chin, slowly turning her head, forcing her to meet his gaze. She could see hurt in his eyes, hurt from what had occurred only a few hours ago, but she saw something else as well. “I could never hate you. Whatever this is, we’ll work through it, just like we’ve worked through so many other tight spots.”
Forgiveness, that was what she saw in his eyes. Luke was gifted with the ability to see the good in anyone, even the darkest of souls. He could also forgive a person almost anything.
He’ll forgive you.
Mara believed the little voice in her head that knew Luke so well. However, should she be forgiven?
“I suppose we can’t just forget that this ever happened?” Mara said half-heartedly.
“No,” Luke said softly.
Mara turned her eyes from his gaze, unable to look at him. “You’ll hate me.”
“You keep saying that!” Luke grabbed her chin again, turning her eyes towards his. “I love you, Mara, and nothing you can say will change that.”
Tears started to stream down Mara’s face. She wanted to tell him what she had never told another soul, but she was so afraid of how he would react. He did have a huge capacity to love and forgive, but would that be enough?
*Would not telling me make things any better?* his voice rang in her mind through their Force bond.
*No,* Mara conceded. *Only worse.*
“Then tell me, my love.” Luke rubbed his thumb across her cheek, the last of her tears drying up.
Staring up into those vibrant blue eyes, Mara was drawn in. Someone pushed, someone pulled, and their lips came together. So warm and soft was the kiss that Mara started to cry again, but she couldn’t tear herself away from the man she loved. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back onto his lap, never breaking the kiss. Mara could feel the very evidence of his desire for her.
“Luke,” Mara pulled away, unable to fake it this time. Besides, he’d only catch on like he had last night. “I can’t do this.”
“What can’t you do?” Confusion wrinkled across his brow.
Mara stood up and started to pace, trying to figure out how to say this. It really wasn’t the fact itself, but the reasons behind it that worried her. Once he knew what she had done, it would disgust him. He wouldn’t be able to look at her the same way again.
“Mara.” Luke took her hand and stopped her pacing. “The only thing making me mad right now is the fact that you won’t tell me. Tell me what is bothering you so we can deal with it and move on. That’s what you do best: adapt and continue on.”
Luke knew her all too well, too well for his own damn good. She never had moved on from this. Was that why the Force held it from him in their Force bond? So that she would be forced to deal with one of her greatest demons?
“All right, Luke, I’ll tell you,” Mara said, as her voice shook.
“Thank you.” He touched her cheek gently. “It’ll be okay.”
She managed a small smile as she felt Luke’s love pour over her in the Force. Using that to anchor her will and steel her nerves, she told him the awful truth.
“See, when I said it wasn’t you, it was me, I was being truthful.” She took a deep breath. “The fact is Luke, I… I don’t enjoy sex. I hate it, actually.”
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