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Struggle For Control	By : PiratesWench Category: S through Z > Secret Window Views: 3851 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Secret Window, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Knowing that she and Mort were going to need a lot
of time to sort through things, Alex called Karen and asked her to take Julia
for the day. Once Julia was gone, Mort
knew that he wouldn�t be able to stall any longer.

A can of Mountain Dew in his hands, and a bag of
Doritos within reach, Mort simply blurted, �Alex, I think I�m losing my mind.�

Normally, Alex would have laughed off such a
comment, but something was telling her that Mort wasn�t trying to make light of
anything. �What?� she asked gently.

Mort�s eyes pleaded with her. �I hear things�in my mind�I shouldn�t be
saying��

Alex took a deep breath. �Mort, are you being�serious?�
He nodded. �O.K., then.� She moved closer to him on the couch and put
her hand on his back, rubbing lightly.
�Tell me more.�

�Tell you more?
Shouldn�t this be where you either tell me I�m ridiculous, or say �Well,
it�s been fun, but I can�t have a crazy guy around my daughter?��

�Thought about my reaction much?� she asked smiling.

�You shouldn�t be so O.K. with this,� he said
insistently. Alex laughed. Yes, laughed. �What�s funny about this?�

Alex calmed her laughter. �Mort, do you know why I needed some time to myself?�

�You got overwhelmed with�� Alex shook her head �no.� �No?
That wasn�t the reason?� She
shook her head again. �You weren�t
telling the truth, then?�

�It�s not that I wasn�t telling the truth, exactly �
I was�I just wasn�t telling you everything.�

�Oh��

�And the reason for that is that�� She pushed her hair away from her face. ��I thought you would think I was being
ridiculous.�

�Uh�why?�

�I had a dream about you and because of this dream �
this totally unreal thing that only lives in my mind � I let myself get scared
and I pushed you away.�

Mort sat perfectly still, his eyes locked with
Alex�s. He reached for his comfort
food, takingandfandful of the chips. He
seemed to be lost in thought as he chewed.
She got scared over a dream�a dream.
Maybe it�s not so awful that my thoughts are�But I can see him. I shouldn�t be able to see him.

Don�t you see that it doesn�t matter? She�s not running!

I haven�t told her the part about seeing things.

Maybe you don�t have to. Not yet.
And�You might wao sao say something.

�Why didn�t you tell me?� Mort asked, cautiously.

�I thought you�d think I was being irrational.�

Mort shook his head. �I wouldn�t have thought that.�

�Why?� Alex asked, an eyebrow raised.

�Because I lo��
He understood then why Alex wasn�t judging him, why she wasn�t running
away or laughing.

�Get it?� she asked sweetly. Mort nodded, a smile appearing on his face. �Good, so now, please, tell me more.�

�And you won�t��

She put her hand on his face. �I�m not running.�

�I told you that my ex-wife cheated on me � but I
didn�t tell you what happened when I�I found them together.�

�You found them?�
Mort nodded. �As in you caught
them?�

�In a motel room.
In bed. I knew where they were
and I tried my damnedest not to go in, but I lost the battle with myself, stole
the key from the motel�s office, and went inside their room.�

�Oh, Mort��

He shook his head. �Don�t feel too sorry for me,� he said softly. �I had a gun with me.� He looked at Alex. �It wasn�t loaded,� he added quickly, �but I had it with me.�

�Oh��

�I wasn�t going to hurt anyone, I knew it wasn�t
worth�I swear, it wasn�t loaded.�

�Why did you bring it?� Alex asked calmly.

�That�s when it all started, at least I think it
is.� Mort took a final swig of Mountain
Dew and reclined into the couch. �After
I found out about the two of them, there was this voice in the back of my mind
telling me to get my gun and let them know that I knew about it. I listened to it at first, but then I�I
guess what you�d consider to be my conscience stepped in and I tried to
listen to reason, but the other voice�it won in the end.�

�Everyone has those voices, Mort. an>Ean>Especially when you�re hurt and angry��

Mort shook his head. �Not like this, Alex. It
wasn�t �me� I was hearing. It was a
totally separate voice � not mine at all.
It had it a southern drawl�it was so distinct and�it overpowered my
mind. I listened to it!�

�Maybe it was a way of coping,� Alex offered. �I mean, I don�t know how I would have dealt
with something like that, but��

�Alex, there�s�there�s a bit more I should tell you
before you try and rationalize this.� A
worried look crept into Alex�s eyes � she tried to keep this look from Mort,
but he saw. �Are you all right?�

�I feel like I�m preparing myself som something � I
just don�t know what.�

�I don�t know how this is going to sound � I�ve
never actually said anything out loud, but I think�I think I created him, this
voice I mean.�

�Created?�

Mort sighed.
�I was with Amy a few summers ago and we went to Amish country. I bought this ridiculous farmer�s hat and
looked in the mirror. As soon as I saw
myself, I created a character named �John Shooter.� Right away I had thoughts about his life, his voice, his
demeanor. Once I got back home, I
started a story about him. I stayed
shut up in my office writing about him.
Pages and pages�� Mort�s voice
drifted. �I began to reread the story
and there was too much violence, gore�this sense of�he was so oddly calm while
he committed these horrendous acts�I can�t even explain it. It scared � no, terrified me that I had
written something that ominous��

�Isn�t that your job?� Alex asked softly.

�That�s my point.
I write this genre for a living and I was terrified of the person
I created. As I looked back
through the pages, I actually couldn�t even remember putting in some of the
details that I�d written. I�d succeeded
at scaring the shit out of myself and decided that the story was better off
being wiped away. I burnt the printed
pages, just in case � there was always the possibility of a fan going through
my trash � and deleted it from my hard drive.�

�Are you trying to say that�Mort, what is it exactly
that you�re trying to say?�

Mort hit his head in his hands. �I don�t know.� He looked at Alex, a mix of fear and adoration reflecting in his
eyes. �After I moved out of my home, I
was fine for a while, but then I�he�I could swear to you that I saw this�things
started to happen. All I wanted to do
was sleep and I swear that someone was stalking me. Someonat kat knew about this person that I created, only nobody
else ever saw him and�� Mort�s
breathing changed � he was on the verge of hyperventilating until Alex brought
him back. She put both of her hands on
his face and forced him to look at her.

�Mort?
Sweetheart�� Sweetheart? Yes, sweetheart, baby, anything that I want
to call him. ��look at me. Calm down.�
Truth be told, Alex was scared to death at the moment. She couldn�t understand what it was that
Mort was experiencing, what he�d gone or was currently going through. All she knew for sure was that Mort needed
something stable at the moment and her getting upset certainly wouldn�t serve
that purpose.

Mort curled his whole body up on the couch and
placed his head in Alex�s lap. He was
trembling and she knew that he was crying.
�I don�t want to be crazy,� he whispered. �I was finally happy again.
You and Julia�I love both of you so��

Alex ran her fingers through Mort�s hair. �Shh�I know you do. We love you too and you�re not crazy,
Mort. If you were crazy, you wouldn�t
have said a word to me about this.�

Mort stopped shaking and took a deep breath. �You�re right�right?�

�I am.� She
kissed the top of his head. �Do you
want to straighten all of this out?� He
nodded. �Will you go and see someone
about this?�

�Yeah,� Alex said gently. �My shrink. He�s very
professional and��

�I�ll go.�
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Struggle For Control