To Reach the Greatest Completion | By : Camorgan Category: Star Wars (All) > Slash - Male/Male Views: 3466 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or anything related to it, nor do I make profit from this story. |
To Reach the Greatest Completion
Pairing: Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi
Rating: About as M as you can get without an animated video.
Warnings: AU, sexual content, un-Jedi-like behavior, a bastardization of plot that would probably give George Lucas a stroke. If you are strictly cannon, or are offended by an abuse of the Master/Padawan relationship, LEAVE.
Author's note: If I seriously mess something up as far as Star Wars fact or some other that can't be explained by the AUness of this story, please tell me because I am new to this fandom and I am not super confident that I will ever have a full understanding of this vast world. Thus, I remain a coward and stick to AU so I can't butcher anything beyond recognition.
Disclaimer: I most solemnly swear that I do not own Star Wars or anything affiliated with Star Wars. I am not cool enough.
Summary: In a different world, Coruscant is a peaceful land, the most beautiful the galaxy has to offer. The people who live here dedicate themselves to scholarly pursuit, meditation, and discovering the meaning of life. The very best of these scholars are called the Jedi. Jedi train and study for years to reach the prominent and respectable title of Jedi. At the very core of the Jedi's lifestyle, there is the revered goal of finding a life-mate. Every Jedi aspires to bond to another, because to be bonded to a life-mate is to reach the very meaning of happiness, fulfillment and completion. Qui-Gon Jinn, a Jedi Master whom the people of Coruscant turn to for wisdom, is certain he shall never bond to another. Until he meets Obi-Wan Kenobi, a student of philosophy and meditation. He is swept up in the youth, and he defies all his expectations of solitude.
"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired" –Robert Frost
Obi-Wan Kenobi was studying very intently. His entire mind was in sharp focus, following each detail, hanging on each turn. Alas, he was not studying what he was supposed to be studying, which was the yellowing scroll in his lap. Oh no. Instead he was studying the fluid motion of limbs. The soft curve of a back, the taut and perfect skin that stretched over defined musculature. Each gently sloping vertebra that lead down and down to an even more perfect slope of flesh. Obi-Wan moaned quietly to himself.
It was something of a cruel trick of fate that he was nearing eighteen years old, his hormones were sky-rocketing, and his Master just happened to be so fucking hot that he could barely think in his presence, let alone fight off his unyielding erections. He hadn't always been this…lewd. It wasn't like he had been lusting over his Master since he was twelve or anything. For a while it had simply been admiration. Perhaps a bit of desire to please, but not this kind of desire to please. No, this had been fairly recently. He supposed it had been a gradual thing, but he had missed the subtle shifts until suddenly it was full blown holyshitfuck he's hot, I want him to bang me. It was a blessing that he had learned to fully shield his mind from his Master when needed. It would be really awkward to explain some of the thoughts he had about Qui-Gon.
"I sense too much day-dreaming and too little study." Qui-Gon's voice cut into his inner monologue, snapping him out of his bordering-on-pity party. Obi-Wan blinked, his Master's perfect body snapping back into focus. Oh yeah, that helps…not. He had the decency to blush and look down at his scroll.
"Sorry, Master. I'm easily distracted lately." The young man answered, staring unseeingly at his scroll.
"I have noticed." Qui-Gon replied, chuckling slightly and halting his Tai Chi exercises. He stretched leisurely and flopped down on the grass beside his Padawan. He leaned back, stretching his long legs out. Obi-Wan tensed as his Master's warm arm settled over his shoulders casually.
"Tell me what is troubling you."
Obi-Wan shook his head, trying desperately to keep his mental shields locked tight against his Master. It was proving to be very difficult to keep it up so much of the time. It tired him quickly, but he had no choice. Especially when the other man was so close.
"Nothing is troubling me, I'm just distracted." Qui-Gon turned to fix him with a look. One that clearly said he wasn't buying it. Obi-Wan felt a gentle brush against his mind and he clamped down on it. He knew Qui-Gon was just worried, and that he wasn't intending to invade upon his privacy, but fear of Qui-Gon discovering his dirty secret made him defensive.
"Please, Master. If you could respect my own thoughts, I would appreciate it." He snapped, standing swiftly and knocking Qui-Gon's arm to the side. He left the garden, his heart beating rapidly from how sharply he had spoken to his Master. He rarely ever got upset with him, so now he would really know something was wrong. He groaned to himself, knowing that now, Qui-Gon would try even harder to find out what it was. Being defensive was the last thing he should have done. Qui-Gon could be incredibly stubborn, and he would try his damnedest.
Obi-Wan found his prediction to be horribly, horribly true within the next couple of weeks. He had resorted to avoiding his Master whenever possible. And honestly, that was practically impossible. They lived together, after all. Qui-Gon used every moment he could to fret over Obi-Wan, treating him with infuriating patience and sensitivity, as if he would explode if prodded too hard.
If he was honest with himself, he probably would. If he had been stressed before, trying to handle the desire he felt for his Master, it was ten times worse now because he was simultaneously desiring and avoiding him. He was as conflicted as any hormonal eighteen year old could be. His body was certainly sure of what it wanted, but his mind wasn't.
There was no denying that his Master and he shared a special type of relationship. Their bond was stronger than any of the others he had witnessed at the temple. Even the Master and Padawan pairs that had turned into something more didn't seem to have such a close bond. When he had first found out that it was common for Masters and Padawans to bond, he had been elated. Until he thought about his Master, and immediately wrote off the entire idea. The man was simply too withdrawn.
He was almost purposefully withdrawn. Their connection sang with joy and completeness when they were near, and Obi-Wan nearly drowned in how good it felt to be close to his Master, but it never seemed like Qui-Gon felt the same way. Maybe he was just better at handling it? Or maybe it just wasn't as strong for him.
It hadn't always been that way, either. When he was younger they were as close as could be. His Master had seemed so open and loving and joyous in their bond. But it had changed somehow over time. His Master had gotten progressively distant as Obi-Wan got older. Did bonds fade for one person and not the other? Had his Master gotten tired of him? Was he unwanted?
"Is that what you think? That is what has been bothering you?"
Obi-Wan jumped out of his skin, spinning around to find Qui-Gon leaning against his door frame. Sheer terror clutched his heart. He had been so wrapped up in his own mind he wasn't blocking anything, and what's more, he didn't even sense his Master coming up behind him. He stood quickly, trying to come up with an excuse that would explain away the inappropriate thoughts he had been having about his Master.
"Obi-Wan-"
"No!" He ran for it, nearly getting past the form of his Master. Qui-Gon's hand shot out, grabbing his Padawan by the arm and pulling him back.
"Wait, Obi-Wan…"
"No, no I can't. I can't do this. Let me go!" He couldn't bear rejection form his Master. It was okay not to know, but he couldn't handle hearing his Master say that he didn't feel the same way.
Qui-Gon let go of him as if he were burned, hurt flashing across his face. Obi-Wan tore away, fighting the sting in his eyes. He escaped to the furthest recesses of the temple gardens, tucked away down a small path that led to a dead end. It only had a simple bench and a singular bonsai tree. Obi-Wan was able to calm himself here, far away from Qui-Gon's overwhelming presence.
He hated this. This push and pull of his desire for Qui-Gon and his utter fear of being rejected. Why couldn't he just be his Master? Pure and simple and uncomplicated? Why did he have to have these forbidden feelings?
He tucked his knees up under his chin, resting his arms and head over them and staring ahead of him unseeingly. It would be terrible to return now. Now that Qui-Gon knew there was something definitely wrong. He might even know already. Obi-Wan had no idea how much his Master had picked up from his mind. Maybe he was arranging a new Master for him right now. Maybe when he returned, his things would be waiting for him by the door. Maybe Qui-Gon really didn't want him, and now he had an excuse to get rid of him.
A sob was working his way up his throat, a strong hand wrapping around his neck and squeezing until he was weeping uncontrollably. He had always known he would never find a single person who cared for him. He had thought for a moment that Qui-Gon would prove him wrong, but he was right all along. He was utterly alone.
It was very late when Obi-Wan dared to go back. Their rooms were dark and still, and the young Padawan was thankful that his Master was asleep. It would make it easier for him to pack his things and leave without trouble.
He was folding his clothes slowly, packing them away into a bag, when Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon at his door again. He felt the sharp sting of surprise and hurt through their bond and flinched, unwilling to turn and see the disappointment on his Master's face. He must be so ashamed that his Padawan was such a failure. That he had gone and made a mess with his desires.
"Obi-Wan…" Qui-Gon said softly, his voice thick with confusion and hurt. The younger man shook his head, fighting off tears.
"No, I can't bear to hear you say it out loud. Just let me go with the ability to lie to myself."
"I don't understand, Obi-Wan. Say what?" Qui-Gon asked, stepping toward him. Obi-Wan broke, his head hanging as the tears shook his body. Qui-Gon's arms twisted around him, pulling him firmly to his chest. Obi-Wan held on impulsively, his fingers gripping the back of his Master's thin sleep shirt.
"Obi-Wan, Padawan, tell me what is wrong. You're breaking my heart." Qui-Gon pleaded, his hand rubbing mindless circles across his trembling back. Obi-Wan shook his head, sobbing harder as he pressed his face into Qui-Gon's neck. The older man's face contorted with worry, the strong feelings from Obi-Wan bleeding through their bond painfully. Wrapping a firm hard around the back of Obi-Wan's neck and hooking a finger under his chin. He tugged his face up, wiping the tears from his face tenderly.
"Is this because you think I don't want you as my Padawan anymore? Because that's ridiculous, Obi-Wan. Don't you know I am so proud of you?" Qui-Gon said quietly, his thumbs brushing over his Padawan's face gently.
Obi-Wan looked up at him tentatively, his eyes red.
"You're…proud of me?" He asked. Qui-Gon looked at him incredulously.
"Of course I am. Oh, Obi-Wan, what I have I done to make you think that I'm not?" He asked, seeming horrified with himself. Obi-Wan averted his eyes.
"You got so…distant. We used to be so close. Our bond was so strong and it was like someone was finally there for me. Like someone cared. But as I got older we weren't as close anymore. I would still treasure any moment we were together, any moment when our bond seemed to be so right. But it never seemed like you felt the same. I thought…maybe the bond had faded for you…"
Qui-Gon didn't know what to say, but he knew Obi-Wan was right. He had gotten distant, but it was for exactly the opposite reason than what his Padawan feared. It wasn't because his bond had faded, but because it had gotten stronger, it had…changed. It had scared him. Obi-Wan was only sixteen when it had happened, and Qui-Gon had been disgusted with himself for being such an old…pervert.
It had been so hard to pull back, to keep his distance when the bond was tugging on him to go closer, to hold him tighter, to touch him and claim those lips. It took all the willpower Qui-Gon had not to do those things to his Padawan, and even now, having him in his arms, it was intoxicating.
But how could he possibly tell his Padawan that? That his old Master was lusting after him?
"And…there's more." Obi-Wan started slowly, his face flushing bright red. He struggled with his words, as if it was hard for him to make himself say what he needed to say.
"The distance bothered me a little bit, but what has been really bothering me is…" He took a deep breath, his eyes shining with tears again.
"You're going to hate me." He whispered dejectedly. Qui-Gon gasped, taking his face in his hands.
"I could never hate you, Obi-Wan." He stated firmly. Obi-Wan swallowed thickly, his hands rising to cover Qui-Gon's.
"I…I began to have…feelings…for you." He said slowly, unable to meet his Master's eyes, and thus missing the emotions crossing his face. He was choking on tears again, removing his Master's hands from his face.
"I know it's wrong and that you probably don't feel the same way and I'm so sorry that I've messed everything up-"
"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon cut him off quickly, Obi-Wan's head shot up at the firmness of his voice, worried that he was angry and it was going to be worse than he thought. But then a strong hand was pulling his face forward and Qui-Gon Jinn, his Master, was kissing him fiercely. Shock froze Obi-Wan for a moment and then he was on fire. The bond sizzled between them, highly satisfied that they were finally kissing.
The younger man let out a strangled moan, tangling his fingers in the long hair of his Master and pressing his face as close as possible to his. Qui-Gon groaned in appreciation and tilted his Padawan's head back, kissing him deeply.
Qui-Gon's carefully constructed restraint snapped and suddenly he was backing Obi-Wan into the wall, pressing the length of his body sensuously against that of his Padawan's. He placed his hands on the wall next to Obi-Wan's head, kissing him with determined intent.
Obi-Wan was unraveling, holding onto his Master tightly as his knees went weak. He let out a keening moan, arching into the warmth of his body and savoring how strong his body felt pressing him against the wall. He was trapped and he was loving every second of it.
They broke away when they could no longer breathe. Obi-Wan's eyes opened slowly, still trying to process the fact that he had just been kissed silly by Qui-Gon Jinn. Said man was looking down at him in wonder and adoration when Obi-Wan finally peered up at him. The Padawan's mouth went dry and all words left him. Irritatingly, tears filled his eyes again, but this time, it was because he didn't have any other way to handle the unimaginable joy filling his being.
"Obi-Wan…don't cry, love." Strong hands framed his face and Obi-Wan was sure his heart would burst from his chest. He let out a shuddering sigh, turning his head to kiss Qui-Gon's wrist. The soft brush of lips sent the older man tumbling forward, kissing his Padawan feverishly, placing breathless, joyous kisses along the corners of his mouth and over the ridge of his jaw.
Obi-Wan whimpered freely, digging his fingers into the fabric of his shirt and holding him close, his lips parting in anticipation. When their lips met again it was slower, deeper. They trembled, resting against each other's foreheads.
"Master, oh, Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan sighed, relaxing against his Master's firm body.
"Padawan." He replied, and Obi-Wan found that no single word could give him more joy.
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