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Five Times Megamind Slept With Metro Man	By : tripperfunster Category: zMisplaced Stories [ADMIN use only] > Megamind Views: 2758 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Megamind or any of it's characters, nor do I make any money from them.

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The next time Megamind showed up he was carrying a giant ham.

“What about gifts?” he asked, dumping the slab of meat into Wayne’s arms and breezing past him to the living room.

“I love gifts,” Wayne said dryly, “especially when they’re pork.” He shut the door with one foot and hefted the ham to his other hand. “This is huge!”

“No, I mean people gifts. What am I supposed to do about people wanting to give me gifts all of the time?”

“Take them,” he said with a shrug. “You want a sandwich?”

“No. And I can’t take them. It feels weird. Today a little old lady tried to give me twenty dollars for getting her cat out of a tree.”

“Did you take it?”

“No! Of course not!”

“Are you sure you don’t want a sandwich? This smells fantastic.”

“Fine. Just half. Wait- are you telling me you took money from people?”

“Yes. No. Not really. Was it Eliza?”

“Was who Eliza?” Megamind asked, following Wayne into the kitchen.

“The woman with the cat and the twenty bucks.” He took a long serrated knife and began to carve the ham into thin slices. “Long white hair all wrapped up into a knot on her head?”

“Yes! All twisted up there and clipped with an odd …”

“Butterfly barrette,” Wayne supplied.

“Yes! Yes, that’s her.”

Wayne stopped cutting and smiled. “She was great. So old and sweet, yet bossy as all get out.”

“Tell me about it,” huffed Megamind. “Not only was I supposed to rescue her stupid cat, but I had to be careful about damaging her precious tree while I did it.”

“Yup, that’s Eliza all right.”

“And it’s not just money, it’s trinkets and baubles and furniture and things. And most of them themed like me! What the heck do I want with a bunch of toys and pictures and actions figures of myself?”

“Get the mustard, would you?”

Megamind opened the fridge and rummaged around. “Honey or Dijon?”

“Which one do you like?”

Megamind thumped the honey-mustard on the counter and threw up his hands. “So what am I supposed to do?”

Wayne grinned and shrugged. “Get me some lettuce?”

“No, really,” he replied, searching in the crisper, “it’s getting worse every day and I don’t know what’s the right thing to do.”

“The ‘right thing to do,’” said Wayne, rinsing the newly found lettuce under the tap, “is to say ‘Thank you very much,’ and take them.”

“But you don’t understand, I don’t want them.”

“No, you're the one who doesn’t understand. They want to give them to you. It makes them feel good, and as a hero, that’s your job. Putting the needs of others above your own.”

“But … how does taking stuff from people make them feel good?”

“Because,” said Wayne, shaking the water from the lettuce, “it’s better to give than to receive.”

“Since when?” asked Megamind, and by the look on his face Wayne could tell he was serious.

“Since you became a grown up? I mean sure, when you’re a kid, and you come downstairs Christmas morning, and there’s all those gifts under the tree, of course you’re excited, and it’s all about what Santa brought you, but when you’re older, and you’ve already got a bunch of stuff, it’s more about finding that perfect gift for someone else. Man, my mom was hard to buy for, and I would spend weeks finding her the perfect present. It was so nice to see her face light up like that. Know what I mean?”

Wayne assembled the sandwiches and handed one over. “Little buddy? You okay?”

Pulled from this thoughts, Megamind looked up and nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. I um … I never had a tree. Or Chrissmace.”

“Oh,” said Wayne, leading the way back to the living room. “You Jewish?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

Wayne chuckled. “I’m pretty sure you’d know.” This time he sat on the couch and Megamind joined him, perched on the far end. “Chanukah? Kwanza?”

He shook his head and bit into his sandwich. “Gesundheit. Hey, this is really good.”

“You’re changing the subject,” teased Wayne.

“Yes. You’re clever enough to realize that, but not clever enough to take the hint?”

Wayne bit into his own sandwich and shrugged. “Fine,” he said between chews, “consider your hint taken.”

They ate in silence for a while, then the subject of other Citizens in Peril came up and they spoke for hours, Wayne asking about people, places and politicians he’d not seen for the past half year and Megamind chatting animatedly about foiled bank robberies and growing organized crime in the city.

Eventually Wayne stretched and yawned.

“Oh my. It’s late, and I’ve kept you.” said Megamind primly.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Wayne. “This has been … fun.” He turned to Megamind and grinned sheepishly. “It’s kind of nice to have company. I guess I didn’t realize how house-bound I’d become.”

“Yes, well I app-- Oh!” said the new hero, motioning to his own mouth, “You’ve got a little … mustard right … no, um, higher. Yes, that’s it, you’ve got it.”

Wayne scrubbed at his face with the back of one hand. “Damn beard, it’s a food magnet.”

“Then why have it? It’s kind of a shame, really.”

“How so?” he asked and was immediately surprised at the bright magenta flush that appeared on Megamind’s cheeks.

“Well,” he coughed. stalling for time, “it’s no secret that you’re …” he waved his hands in an indistinct flourish, “a handsome … individual. It just seems a shame to go and cover it up with that big old … scruff.”

“You think I’m handsome?” Wayne asked, fluttering his eyelashes.

“No!” shrieked Megamind, turning impossibly pinker, “I do not think that, it just happens to be a widely known fact. There are certain North American standards of beauty that some people fall in to and others … do not.”

“So, just so we’re clear, what you’re saying is; You think I’m handsome.”

“You’re not listening. Some people might find your rugged features to be attractive, but not everybody enjoys men who are buff and practically dripping with testosterone.”

“I’m just teasing you.”

“I’m aware of that, but for the record, if I had your face, I wouldn’t cover it up.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Say, you wanna catch the news before you go? See what the city’s been up to while we hung out?”

Megamind checked his watch and nodded. “Yes, I’d like that.”

By the first commercial break they were both asleep.

Wayne woke up an hour later, with the television just static and Megamind leaning against him. He considered shifting to reach the remote but decided against it.

When he awoke a few hours later, the television was off and Megamind was gone. This time the blanket had been laid across his broad chest.
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Five Times Megamind Slept With Metro Man