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Dance, Dance -- BARFIGHT!	By : Penbrydd Category: S through Z > Star Trek (2009) > Star Trek (2009) Views: 3077 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, in any of its myriad incarnations, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
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Characters: Kirk, Spock, McCoy
Rating: R
Warnings: bitchy!Spock, K/S, crossdressing
Notes: Jim Kirk, master of the intergalactic barfight, performs a daring rescue! Doctor McCoy sincerely wishes he'd stayed in bed.
"Whoa, hey, Spock... Keep cool. I need these lovely ladies to get you out of here." Jim grinned irrepressibly. "Also, you should probably ... ah ... stop smiling. It's terrifying."
The girls were wide-eyed and still as Spock's vicious grin subsided into a far more standard smirk of blatant superiority. "So, what is the plan, Captain?"
"Well, it's too crowded in here for the transporters to get a lock on you. We need to get you out -- Hey! don't look at me like that! I'm starting from the beginning!" Jim looked mildly offended at the look of pained exasperation on Spock's face, manifested entirely in one eyebrow. "We need to get you out of the building, starting from getting you out from behind this shield. McCoy's trying to buy you, but from what the bartender said, it doesn't seem like you're for sale. He says you're both too glamorous and too dangerous for private ownership."
"A logical conclusion," Spock noted, flexing his fingers irritatedly.
"So, I'm going to use the money to pay these lovely ladies to get in the way," Jim said, with a grin, draping an arm over the shoulders of each girl, as Spock continued to grind and gyrate in his lap. "When our time is up, the bartender's going to come back in, and we're going to go out -- probably at the same time, if we're in the right positions. But, the shield can't re-seal if there's something in the opening, like these two ladies, right here."
Spock's eyes glittered in faint amusement. "Fascinating, Captain." He looked at the girls, determinedly. "If you succeed, you may borrow my legendary captain tomorrow night. My life for one night with Jim Kirk. It sounds like a fair trade, does it not?"
The girls giggled and scooted closer, looking at each other and then at each of the men. "You have a deal," one of them finally said.
"Do we get the money, too?" the more sceptical one asked.
"You--! You just rented me out for a night! I -- you-- this --! Don't I get any say in this?" Jim looked horrified, but entertained at the idea.
"I've been stuck in a cage in an alien night club for two weeks, Captain. I'm certain you can handle a night with these two ... 'lovely ladies'." The angle of Spock's eyebrow suggested the offer was intended as a thank you gift, not only to the girls, but to the captain.
"Oh, I'm sure I'll survive." Jim grinned boldly. "So, I need you --" he tugged at one girl's ear "-- to stand in the left side of the opening, and you --" he pulled at one of the other girl's curls "-- to stand in the right. Act like you're waiting for me to stop being so slow, like you wish I'd hurry up. Then I'll take out the bartender, and we'll run for the back door."
"Captain, I protest. I should take the bartender. You should take the security guard standing at the door," Spock muttered, still poking holes in the Captain's plan to avoid getting them all killed. "And how do we get Dr. McCoy out of here?"
"Okay, ladies! New plan! When we run for the back door, I want you to find the man wearing a shirt like mine, but in blue, and take him out the front. Tell him, 'Jim said to get back to the ship'. Make sure he takes you with him." Jim nodded slowly, going over it, in his head. "We'll meet you back at the Enterprise."
"We get to see a Federation starship!" one of the girls exclaimed, as they both grinned giddily and clutched at each other's hands.
"We have five minutes, Captain. I hope you are right about this, because if you are not, we will all die in a very slow and painful fashion." Spock's eyes hardened. "I know. I have already experienced it."
The light in the booth changed to a dull blue colour, and Spock returned to his position, kneeling on the table. Jim watched him, in a wonderful impression of moony-eyed bliss, as the girls got up and went to where the shield had opened to allow the bartender in. They lounged easily in the invisible doorframe.
"Come on, Jimmy! I want to go play with that Bajoran!" one of them whined, and the other giggled senselessly.
Jim cleared the shield just as the guard came to tell the girls to move. From there, it was beautiful slipstream chaos. He body-checked the guard backward over the bar, as Spock laid a hand on the bartender's neck and folded him to the floor.
"Don't move!" Jim called to the girls, as Spock rushed toward the opening they framed. Security was better than he'd anticipated, and a few more bouncers were converging on them, as he spoke. So, Jim, being a master of the art of drunken pub brawls, grabbed the hand of a nearby Andorian and spilled the being's drink onto someone else's date -- onto the very large Klingon's very angry Klingon date. And then he ran.
Spock had pulled the girls out of the shield, with him, and directed them toward the front of the club, but Jim was standing on the bar, by this point, shouting for Bones at the top of his lungs, while the bouncers struggled to get through chair-tossing mayhem around the angry Klingon couple, who had decided the drink actually belonged to the lone Tellarite, standing on the other side of them. This was going to end poorly, if he didn't do something sensible -- and quickly.
Grabbing both girls by the hands, Spock pulled them back. "Change of plans!" he shouted, pointing to the now-unguarded rear exit. They ran out, and he leapt over the bar, to strip the security guard Jim had knocked out. A change of clothes was essential. Dressed as a guard, there would be fewer questions, when he grabbed Jim and hauled him off the bar, dragging him toward the rear exit. But, where was McCoy? He cocked an amused eyebrow at the girls as he threw Jim out the door, to land at their feet.
Jim grabbed his ankle, as he turned to go back in, after the Doctor. "Bones left. Let's go."
This was not a point he was about to argue, but Spock sincerely hoped that Jim was right, and that they weren't going to have to come rescue the doctor, after all this.
Moments later, he stood on the transporter pad, and the phrase 'emotionally compromised' did not begin to describe the level of relief he felt, as he reached out to touch the wall, ensuring that it was real. He looked around the room -- Jim, two girls, Scotty... There. Spock walked over to McCoy and put a hand on the doctor's shoulder. That was all. Any thanks or apologies he might have wanted to convey were there.
McCoy tried to sneer at him, but it was really more of a smirk. "Goddamned pointy-eared hobgoblin."
"I require a shower. All other things can wait," Spock said calmly, heading for the door. "Including your concerns about my goddamned pointy-eared health, Doctor."
"Did he just make a joke?" McCoy pointed after Spock. "After all that, did he seriously just make a joke?"
"Vulcans, Bones. They're inscrutable." Jim grinned. "Why don't you show these charming ladies around, while I go screw the inscrutable."
"I hate you, Jim." McCoy covered his face with his hands. "Go away before you say something else. I'll just go introduce these two to Chekov. I'm sure they'll have a lovely time. Then, I'm going to go introduce myself to some gin, until I can forget that you ever opened your mouth."
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Dance, Dance -- BARFIGHT!