Complexities of Love | By : agentj Category: Star Wars (All) > General Views: 2425 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Wars movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
After walking a ways in silence, Anakin paused and fumbled with his too-short robes. Obi-Wan stopped beside him and waited patiently as his younger companion picked at his hem.
"It doesn't seem right, does it?" Anakin asked, his head bowed, as he flicked his eyes up to peer through his lashes. "I betray my family, my friends, the Jedi—yet I'm healed and returned to my youth while you...." Anakin shrugged and looked away from the older man's aged face.
"What?" Obi-Wan cried in mock surprise. "D'you mean this old thing?" He spread his hands out, palms upward while his whole body shimmered more brightly in bluish-white light. Before Anakin's eyes, his mentor grew younger, lines of worry faded away, his hair returned to its golden reddish lustre, and his eyes sparkled with youth again.
When it was done, Obi-Wan appeared more as he had just before the Clone Wars, only without the weariness of death and destruction that had surrounded them at the time. "You're only as old—or as young—as you feel here, Anakin. Besides," the youthful-appearing Jedi's eyes glittered with amusement as he explained, "I didn't want to confuse the lad, wondering which handsome man was his father!"
A weary but bemused look crossed Anakin's face. "You know," Anakin admitted in a hushed voice, "I almost questioned that, myself."
"That's preposterous," Obi-Wan responded with a quirk in his brow. "I don't even like girls."
Anakin's smile broadened with embarrassment over his admission.
Placing a reassuring hand on his companion's shoulder, Obi-Wan stated, "Leia couldn't have gotten that stubborn streak from anyone but you."
Anakin raised his head, his features crossed with mock indigence. "Oh? I'm the stubborn one?"
"Please, Anakin," Obi-Wan pretend to sound weary.
"Do I need to remind you of the events on Tas Mendahl, Master?" Anakin looked like he was holding back laughter.
"Now, please, Anakin."
The two men continued to look upon each other, as if locked in an eye-straining dare. Eventually, Obi-Wan's lips curled, and the lines around his eyes deepened. Anakin's lips parted to show off his broad smile, and the two men began to laugh.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan replied between chuckles. "She was a Hauturr. What was I supposed to do?"
"You could have agreed!"
"And risk losing my head?" Obi-Wan questioned with mock indignance. "I think not!"
The men laughed again, and Obi-Wan turned to a straw hut. He motioned toward the opening. "After you, my friend."
With a bit of curiosity, Anakin peered inside before he ducked down and went in—
—Where he found himself back in Obi-Wan's quarters at the Temple. Anakin whirled around to see Obi-Wan standing behind him, already shedding his cloak. The faint blue glow that had surrounded his master had also receded in this place where the objects around them were as real and solid as they appeared to be to themselves.
"How did you do that?" asked Anakin incredulously.
"Do what?" Obi-Wan sounded genuinely oblivious to the apparent miraculous thing that just happened.
Anakin gestured towards the durasteel door. "That. How did we go from Endor to here—like that!"
"Oh." Obi-Wan glanced at the door and back again to Anakin. "That. Well. I suppose that's our first lesson. You see, Anakin. We aren't what we appear to be. You're not Anakin Skywalker any more than I am a four-armed gundark."
Anakin echoed blankly, "I'm not Anakin Skywalker."
"And I'm not Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Anakin continued to stare at his master in incomprehension. Finally he said, "This isn't one of those sexual role-playing things, is it?"
Obi-Wan laughed. "Oh! No, no. Not at all. You see, Anakin, you and I—everything, really—is one with the Force—always. Our individual and separate identities are an illusion."
"An...illusion."
"That's right."
"So I'm—you."
"In a manner of speaking. A point of view, as it were."
A hardened look of contempt crossed the younger man's features as he turned away. "Like telling my son that I was his father's murderer."
Anakin felt more than saw Obi-Wan's shame. The older man looked at Anakin in surprise, then dipped his head in contrition. "I know to you it must seem a cruel thing to have told Luke, but—please—understand." Obi-Wan lifted his blue-grey eyes to plead. "I didn't want him to grow cold and distant to you."
Anakin's mouth twisted as he tried to bite back the bitter taste in his mouth as he remembered the hot black sands of Mustafar and the hazy image of Obi-Wan walking away as his own body burned. "Like you?"
With a sad frown etched in his features, Obi-Wan looked at Anakin's profile, the young man's eyes distant and his jaw set in anger. Obi-Wan walked around Anakin and forced them both to face each other.
"Forgive me, Anakin." Obi-Wan's hushed voice cracked as he spoke. "I—I love you. I have always loved you. I—I couldn't—" Obi-Wan stopped and put a knuckle to his lips to still the emotion leaking through his voice.
After a moment to collect himself, Obi-Wan continued, although he couldn't continue to look into Anakin's cloudy eyes. "I was torn between my duty and my love for you. Never could I have imagined you would have survived that inferno. Once I heard how you had endured—" Obi-Wan closed his eyes against the painful memory of the past, trying to shut away the horror he had faced every morning walking to the rise of the two Tatooine suns.
Anakin frowned, but not with anger. His face was filled with worry and sorrow. "Like me, you thought it was too late."
Obi-Wan's eyes rose sheepishly up to Anakin's. Silently, the older man nodded.
"And now?" Anakin questioned, his brow furrowed.
Obi-Wan straightened his shoulders and looked directly into Anakin's eyes. Reaching out, Obi-Wan took Anakin's right hand into his own and placed the again-flesh hand against his neck. He gently wrapped both hands around Anakin's arm and tilted his head back, closing his eyes.
Anakin's eyes widened as he watched Obi-Wan do this, as Obi-Wan demonstrated the level of trust he placed in his once-enemy's hands—literally. With a quick jerk, Anakin pulled his hand away.
Obi-Wan opened his eyes in surprise to Anakin's reaction. Before Obi-Wan could speak, Anakin said, "I know you trust me. I...don't trust myself."
Obi-Wan frowned, and for a moment he looked again like an older man lost on the sands of Tatooine.
Anakin looked over his shoulder and sighed, sensing his friend's distress. He knew now he could not push aside his feelings and bluff his way into convincing Obi-Wan everything was okay. It was time the truth came out.
"Remember...Mustafar?" Anakin asked. From his peripheral vision, he saw Obi-Wan's brow quirk. As if either man could have forgotten. "I...imagine I seemed like a jealous lover. Afraid you were trying to steal away Padmé from me." Anakin turned and looked fully on Obi-Wan, and a flash of that youthful insecurity could be seen in the young man's eyes, the one Obi-Wan had seen time and time again as Anakin's abilities stretched and strengthened through his training, but never achieving the perfection he felt was necessary to his status as Chosen One. "I thought you had been the one who convinced the Council not to make me a Master. That you wanted to estrange Padmé from me so I wouldn't try to leave the Order."
Obi-Wan crossed his arms before him and began to understand Anakin's twisted mentality that had driven them apart. "You thought I was jealous of her?"
"After what happened at the Battle of Yarlu," Anakin explained, "I thought you wanted me only for yourself. That was the reason, I thought, why the Council kept sending us together—because you asked them to."
Obi-Wan looked away with a pang of guilt. He hadn't asked the Council to keep Anakin with him after the boy's Knighthood—but he had wanted it. Anakin's ideas of a jealous lover were unfounded, but Obi-Wan had wanted the younger man by his side. He wanted to recapture the relationship he had lost years before when the Sith Zaberak had murdered his master Qui-Gon. Finally, he felt his friendship with Anakin would fulfil the hunger for an equal companionship he had longed to have with Qui-Gon, stolen in the breath of a moment.
But Obi-Wan never treated Anakin as his equal, always lecturing him, always seeing the little sand-swept boy, even in the cold of night when Anakin's hardened body rocked against his own to stay away the pain of loneliness and devastation of the dehumanising war. Even then, Obi-Wan relished the whimpering cries of his once-padawan, taking solace in having someone need him, want him with wanton desperation.
This, Obi-Wan realised, was why Qui-Gon chose him to teach Anakin again, just as he had the first time. It was Anakin who had taught Obi-Wan how to become a great Jedi. This time, Anakin would teach him how to be a better man.
Looking thoughtful for a moment, Obi-Wan made a decision and commanded, "Close your eyes."
Anakin looked back with surprise and trepidation. "What?"
"I said, close your eyes. If I am to train you, there needs to be trust between us—"
"This sounds familiar, " Anakin responded with a quirk to his mouth as he complied to his master's command. With eyes closed, Anakin felt Obi-Wan's gentle touches as he removed Anakin's cloak, undid his belt, and unwrapped his obi. Anakin's brow pressed together with worried curiosity. "What are you doing, Master?"
"Trust, Anakin," answered Obi-Wan, his voice easily conveying the humoured smile behind his mustache.
Anakin shivered as Obi-Wan's calloused hands spread open his gi and brushed against his bare skin. It had been a very long time since anyone had touched him in this manner, and Anakin's younger body found itself conflicted between natural response and his fear.
"Relax," Obi-Wan's measured voice purred, his face close to Anakin's neck, sending ripples up and down the younger man's spine as Obi-Wan's breath caressed him.
Anakin felt the heat of Obi-Wan's hands mere centimetres away from his flesh, driving Anakin wild. He desperately wanted to reach out and grab Obi-Wan and press their bodies together.
Obi-Wan sensed Anakin's passions and pulled away. "Patience," he instructed as Anakin panted, and the younger man instinctively reached forward toward the now-empty space where Obi-Wan once occupied.
Warm hands clasped Anakin's and pulled him forward. "Master?" Anakin questioned as he blindly followed Obi-Wan's lead.
"No peeking," Obi-Wan teasingly warned as they continued a winding trek across Obi-Wan's apartment.
"Turn here," Obi-Wan instructed as he navigated Anakin. As they stopped a moment, Anakin frowned when Obi-Wan again released his hands. The swish of a door indicated Obi-Wan was taking him into another room.
"A little to your right," Obi-Wan instructed. Anakin did as he was told, suddenly bumping into the door frame. "Oh! Sorry! I meant your other right."
Anakin rubbed at his bruised temple. He scowled in the direction of his master's voice, which was tinged with humorous embarrassment. Anakin reached out his hand, and was lead further into the new room.
Obi-Wan released Anakin's hands with a mumbled, "Hold on," and some grunts with the rustle of clothing. Continuing to keep his eyes closed, Anakin raised his chin and tried to explore the room with the Force. His master felt the tell-tale swirls of energy and stopped whatever he was doing to admonish, "No peeking!"
"I wasn't peeking, Master," Anakin explained. "Just curious."
"Curious, eh?" Obi-Wan answered with a bemused expression changing the timbre of his voice. Very suddenly, Anakin felt the older man's hands at the side of his trousers, and just as suddenly, they were pulled down to the tops of his boots.
"Master!" Anakin exclaimed, a smile curling upon his own lips. His body had decided that whatever Obi-Wan was up to, it was definitely going to be pleasurable, and acted accordingly.
Anakin felt a warm breath upon his growing cock—a fact which only strengthened the flow of blood to it—as Obi-Wan commented, "I knew I'd get you out of my trousers, one way or the other!"
"Master!" Anakin repeated with an embarrassed chuckle.
It was growing harder to keep his eyes closed, especially when Obi-Wan's tuft of hair brushed against Anakin's thigh. Anakin felt Obi-Wan's weight against him, his hands wrapped around one boot, as Obi-Wan commanded, "Lift your leg." Anakin placed a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder to keep balance and found bare skin at his touch.
After removing one boot and the leggings, Obi-Wan shifted his weight to the other foot, again commanding Anakin to lift his other leg. Anakin placed both hands on Obi-Wan's shoulders this time, reveling in the sensual feeling of his companion's tresses brushing against his own skin. His breathing quickened as he was freed from the last of his vestments, his member now fully hardened in anticipation.
"Master...," Anakin moaned, and then sharply inhaled when Obi-Wan's body disappeared again, leaving a swirl of cool air in his wake. "Master?" he questioned, his hands blindly seeking his absent mentor.
Strong hands grasped Anakin's right arm and guided him to turn. "This way," Obi-Wan instructed. "Watch your step."
Anakin smiled and chuckled again as he felt Obi-Wan's mustache and beard tickle his chest as Obi-Wan's body briefly pressed against his to reach for something, and he heard the distinctive sound of the refresher door closing behind him. "We're in the 'fresher!" Anakin exclaimed, his face beaming with amusement, although his eyes remained closed.
Anakin could just imagine Obi-Wan straightening himself to his full height, a look of barely hidden embarrassment written across his face as his master cried, "I said no peeking, Anakin!"
"Please, Master." Anakin dipped his head as he spoke. "I have other senses than just my eyes."
"Good," Obi-Wan replied, his voice echoing slightly off the titles as he turned away, "I'm counting on it."
The sound of water sputtered and burst merely a second before the water hit him. Anakin laughed, raising his hands in front of his torso as if to catch the falling stream pouring over him. Obi-Wan manoeuvred himself around Anakin and pushed him closer to the stream. The younger man continued to chortle and finally doused his head under the refresher's spigot, spraying water everywhere.
Anakin heard Obi-Wan chuckle behind him, the man's broad hands lightly pressed against his hips. Anakin's sex had wilted during their manoeuvrings, but the heat of Obi-Wan's obviously naked body pressed behind him reminded Anakin and his nervous system about the state of their undress.
Anakin squirmed around to face Obi-Wan, and with eyes only half-closed, he wrapped his arms around the older man and pulled them together tight. "Hmm. Good idea, Master."
Obi-Wan's hands snaked up between them and pushed himself away from Anakin. "Now, wait, my eager young padawan. Show some restraint! And keep your eyes closed!"
"Restraints?" Anakin tried to raise an eyebrow and practically giggled as he reclosed his eyes. "Oh, Master! If I had only known you liked it that way," he teased.
Anakin heard a sigh which he still remembered well—one which told him Obi-Wan had given him "that look" and shook his head with exasperation. The mock lecture he expected did not come, however, and instead Anakin was treated to the sensation of Obi-Wan's hands travelling over Anakin's wet body. His breathing quickened as Obi-Wan's palms traced along Anakin's neck to his broad shoulders and down his muscular arms. A shiver ran down his spine as Obi-Wan took his right arm and lifted it, gently messaging the muscle and sinew beneath the flesh.
Anakin tried to lean in closer to his lover, but like all his previous attempts, Obi-Wan held him at bay, this time with the gentle pressure against the side of his neck as the older man's hand travelled down Anakin's left arm.
Anakin sighed as their forehead's briefly touched and Obi-Wan's hands slowly traced down Anakin's abs and then diverted down his tapered hips to his sides. A slow moan escaped Anakin's lips as Obi-Wan's body lowered before Anakin's trembling form.
Obi-Wan's fingers slowly pried open Anakin's hands that he had inadvertently clenched into fists along his side. Realising Obi-Wan was doing all this to coax him to relax, Anakin deepened his breathing, using meditative techniques to relax his taught muscles.
Anakin heard a receptive grunt from his hip as Obi-Wan's hands moved downward to his legs. Instinctively, Anakin tensed up again as Obi-Wan's hands approached his right knee. With a deep breath, Anakin released his tension and tried to focus only on his master's expert touches.
Anakin hadn't felt such sensual pleasures for decades, and here was his Jedi Master eliciting an endless supply of it. Anakin felt as if he were alight with electricity. Everywhere Obi-Wan touched sent out ripples of pleasure like drops of water in a pond. At the same time, he felt unsure of himself, unable to take the pleasure of sensation his master was offering him for what it was and nothing more. It was Obi-Wan who had taken away Anakin's limbs and everything else that had made him a man. Anakin had suffocated under Obi-Wan's tutelage and the lost-love he had for Qui-Gon, as if fashioning Anakin into a picture perfect Jedi would appease the ghost of his former master and somehow bring them closer together even though they were parted by death.
Obi-Wan's hands guided Anakin to turn around and face the water again. He tried to focus his attention on the sensations of Obi-Wan's fingers gently messaging his muscles up his left leg, rising to touch just below his buttocks. Anakin's lips parted with a silent sigh. He was always a substitute for Qui-Gon, Anakin thought, for Obi-Wan. As much as the young boy Anakin had missed the mysterious and venerated Jedi Master, the growing man Anakin had become had been intensely jealous of the closeness Obi-Wan had shared with his former master, a chance Anakin never got to have.
Breathing heavily, Anakin willed his lower back muscles to respond to Obi-Wan's palm which circled and pressed there. The fingertips that rested along Anakin's left hip seemed to radiate a warmth deep into Anakin's core, as if trying to warm a long-dead coal inside of him. Focusing on his breathing, Anakin centred himself to that heat. Unlike the lightening strike that had been his dark master Sidious, Obi-Wan's power came from a slow gentle caress. He was patient and kind, and to an impetuous boy as Anakin had been, exceedingly stifling.
But had Obi-Wan stifled him? Or had he himself been the one to curtail his own path? Was it really the love Obi-Wan had for his dead master that had caused him to wrap his arms around a shivering boy in the shadow of the icy mountain on Illum? Was Obi-Wan truly jealous of Anakin's achievements in the bowels of Uras Nahl when they fought back to back to win their way into the light of day?
With a cleansing sigh, Anakin accepted Obi-Wan's hands, his presence, his breath, his very being that touched and caressed his broadened back. Anakin had deceived himself and no one else. He believed his master pined away for Qui-Gon all those years, when in fact it was really for Anakin himself, waiting for the boy to open up to the Force and become the fountain of potential Qui-Gon had once seen in him. Obi-Wan hadn't believed in Qui-Gon's vision—but he had believed in Anakin.
With a slow luxurious sigh, Anakin let go of the last of his insecurities. The eagerness of desire had left him, leaving him open to the sensuality of the moment. He felt Obi-Wan's body heat abandon him then, but he was not anxious. He trusted Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan moved to face Anakin, whose eyes remained closed, his whole face relaxed, his being radiating trust. The spray of water now behind him, Obi-Wan ignored the water dripping from his nose as he released himself of everything but this moment and the feelings within him into the Force.
Anakin gasped as he felt his whole being absorbing a tremendous light within the Force. Anakin had never experienced anything like its intensity before. Pin-pricks of pleasure flowed through every nerve, leaving a tingling that rippled from head to toe. It was like mini-orgasms erupting endlessly inside of him, and Anakin sighed blissfully, releasing himself to the overwhelming sensations.
Slowly, the feelings subsided, and just as slowly, Anakin opened his eyes to look upon his master beaming up at him. "Wh—" Anakin was barely able to mouth the words let alone breathe. "What was that?"
"That," Obi-Wan explained, water spraying down his back, his skin seeming to glow from the inside as Anakin looked upon him, "is what it feels like when two souls touch. It's our true existence, Anakin. You and I—the Force—everything—is an expression of love."
Anakin's gaze penetrated deeply into Obi-Wan's eyes, and for the first time he truly comprehended the complexity of his companion's love. Padmé had shared her bed, Palpatine his power, but Obi-Wan—Obi-Wan had shared his soul.
Rendered speechless by the memory of Obi-Wan's soul entwined in his own, Anakin accepted Obi-Wan's touch as they entwined themselves again in love.
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