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Reunion	By : rvanv Category: 1 through F > Brokeback Mountain Views: 1695 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own "Brokeback Mountain." Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar and their families are the creation of Annie Proulx and remain her property. This story has no commercial purpose whatsoever, and I intend no infringement of her copyright.

Chapter List
- 11
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(Sunday afternoon, driving into Riverton)
�Can�t fix it. Can�t stand it. Now what? ��
Ennis lies there naked on the truck seat, spent but hoping that the painful fucking he has just received is at least partial redemption for his near deadly folly on the road. Yet he imagines the warmth of his lover�s cum, coursing so deep within him now, soothing his very soul � something, anything to make Jack�s pending departure bearable.
Facing more prosaic matters, Ennis sighs, �Jack, what a fuckin� mess I made a your truck here, brand-new truck, ain�t it? Ya got a rag or somethin� so�s I can clean it up?�
�Ah, Ennis, don�t worry yourself �bout it,� Jack replies. �This stuff they use nowadays, this vinyl, it�s tough, ya know, cleans up pretty easy. I can just wipe it off later.� He must � simply must hold on to as much of Ennis as he possibly can, and with all the sweat from his lover�s bare back and ass, now also his semen, that seat will offer Jack a treasure trove of Ennis� earthy scent until they next see one another.
�Well, okay, then,� Ennis says, struggling to get dressed as the clothes stick to his sweaty body.
Jack reluctantly tugs his own jeans back on, is careful with the zipper because he�s still got a hard-on. Surprised himself there by getting rough with Ennis, but got the resentment out of his system, knew he had to do it. He is still aroused by Ennis� collusion in the violence, by how thrilled Ennis was to submit utterly to the pain that Jack had to deliver. Remember this, Ennis, don�t forget how important I am to you, Jack had thought desperately as he rammed his cock into his lover.
And Ennis, for his part, silently pleading for Jack to make him remember, writhing around on that cock, his face contorted in momentary agony before the magic took over. The magic of Jack making him feel whole by penetrating him, by stirring deep within him the need for another man � and then hitting the pleasure spot.
Jack pulls his boots on. That was one hell of a wild ride, he thinks. Fuck me, but I kind a like drivin� with no pants on. Who would a thought? Never would a thought a doin� it on my own. But Ennis here � man, ya let him be for four years an� he comes up with all sorts a interestin� things ta do. First the deal �bout makin� me come on my own face, and now this naked drivin� business. Jack looks at the other man with admiration. But don�t worry, Ennis, he thinks, I sure as fuck ain�t waitin� another four years ta see what else ya come up with. Bet we can think a some new things together on that ranch!
Jack doesn�t know Ennis� reasons for making him drive naked, would be a hell of a lot less sanguine if he did.
Once again, Jack puts the truck in gear, pulls out of the clearing back on to the highway. If he picks up speed, they will make good time back to Riverton, where they will say goodbye at a discreet distance from the parking lot where they met earlier in the week.
*
Like Jack says, everything will be all right, Ennis reminds himself. He will be back where he was, and that�s not so bad, is it? With Alma, the girls, his horses, that apartment. Bless her heart, he keeps thinking about Alma � and why? The girls � just by virtue of being their daddy, he has earned their unqualified affection. Alma � does she qualify her love for him? Well, more and more, she chides him for his low-paying jobs with long hours. She is perplexed by his frequent lack of interest in making love to her. And Jack. Is Jack�s desire to start a ranch tempering his love for Ennis? Not in the slightest, and Ennis knows it. That�s what hurts Ennis the most, knowing that Jack will be back, and how many times must they go through this charade before Jack � does what, never comes back? Would serve Ennis right, wouldn�t it, if one day Jack just said enough is enough, called Ennis on his fear of being happy with the one person who could make him happy.
But mixed up with Ennis� awareness of his potential happiness is the absolute danger he sees in two men living together. Jack is the right person for me, Ennis knows. Not the right man, because there never could be another man when you�re not queer. Just the right person. We could be happy together � couldn�t we? � but � but �.
And then Ennis� little darlin�s figure prominently in his scenario. In fact, they shape his scenario: the ranch couldn�t be too far away, now could it? On the other hand, if it were that close, then everyone in the area would think that Ennis had � had turned queer. No two ways about it, that�s what they�d think, even if it wasn�t true � and of course it wasn�t.
*
This intense reunion with Jack, these incredible days of love � and suffering too, he�ll admit � but mostly love � yes, he is sure, mostly love � have Ennis wondering if Jack has been elsewhere these past four years. What was he doin� when I wasn�t around? An� what the fuck right I got askin� somethin� like that? But if he�s comin� back, it�s my business, ain�t it? Just don�t know � maybe just pleasures that wife a his, pleasures himself. But Jack, he ain�t like me. Likes ta wander �round, don�t he, see things, try things? He�s so fuckin� � so fuckin� easy ta love is what he is. Ah, Jack, Jack, Jack. Ya really mess my head up, ya know that, Jack? Simple fact is, Jack, I ain�t in charge � I ain�t got no control over my own thinkin� when you�re around.
What has really brought Jack here, Ennis wonders. Back to haunt him, back to love him? Is it because he truly loves Ennis? If so, why did he take so long to do it? Ennis does not know that Jack tried to track him down that next summer, left broken-hearted, ran off to find anything to ease his pain. He chose sprains, broken bones, starvation on the rodeo circuit. Is Jack here to escape his domestic dead end? Jack waited to have a kid because he knew Lureen�s daddy would definitely pay him off. It may be the only cynical move Jack has ever made. Once the baby came, however, Jack proved to be an enthusiastic father despite the in-laws� meddling. But that payoff � that kind of financing would make ranch life a reality for a broke rodeo rider and a ranch hand who hadn�t a spare penny to his name.
Weighing all these factors nearly disorients Ennis with dismay. Maybe that magical summer on Brokeback Mountain never happened. Maybe he is just a married guy going back home to his two kids, who will be so excited to see him. No emotional baggage, no love for another who does not live with him. No love for a man. He wants to believe that he really has been on a fishing trip with an old buddy � nothing more, nothing less.
His pending responsibilities would be so much less daunting. Alma � damn, I sure can take better care a her � maybe get a better job � try ta � try ta do more a those husband things a guy�s supposed ta do. Shit, I do love her � sort a. Not like Jack, but � well, she�s special, ain�t she, just ain�t that special � poor thing. Ah, Alma � yeah, I guess I�m comin� back ta ya, sweetheart, don�t ya worry your head �bout nothin�.
Ennis immediately feels a pang of guilt. Like Jack said in the motel, Brokeback got them real good, it was as simple as that, wasn�t it? Well, it was Jack who made sure that Brokeback had a chance to get them at all � but once it happened �.
And now Ennis wonders, is his and Jack�s love�unnamed though it might be�something to be ashamed of? Is it less valid than how Alma feels about him? After all, in his marriage, her love is more or less unrequited, whereas with Jack � well, the few days they have just spent together tell one hell of a story, don�t they? One hell of a story.
Regardless, Ennis feels like a traitor on all fronts. How can I do this to Jack, my dear, dear Jack? he asks himself. I called him little darlin�, didn�t I? Goddamn it, that�s how much he means ta me � an� here I am fuckin� tryin� ta pretend he ain�t more �n a little special ta me!
And then Alma: bless her goddamn little heart indeed. The truth hits Ennis like a slap in the face: he�d forgotten her as soon as he�d seen that postcard, hadn�t he? And now he had to live with that too, his betrayal of his loving wife, the mother of his daughters, his deceit, all of it so contrary to his nature.
*
Jack hadn�t thought he would be going back yet, had hoped he and Ennis might have looked at a ranch or two, maybe found an ideal place for that cow-and-calf operation. But he misses Lureen, oddly enough, misses her decisiveness. He always knows where she stands, what she is going to do or not going to do�and why. Unlike Ennis, Lureen always has a real good reason, doesn�t blindly get caught up in so-called obligations. It is unfortunate, Jack realizes, that he never will feel for her what he feels for Ennis. In fact, he is not at all sure that what he feels for her is love. Maybe like a brother?
He truly cares about her, though � and he�s crazy about his little boy, really is, even though he didn�t like the idea of having a kid to begin with. He has tried to bury his love for Bobby in enthusiasm about setting up a ranch with Ennis, cloaked a father�s thwarted love in nonchalance about leaving his family. In fact, Jack�s dream is for him and Ennis to live together � but also for Bobby to somehow be there. Jack has never thought out how this would be � for one thing, it�s an older Bobby that he imagines. There are no diapers to change, no bawling in the night. The Bobby that fits into his life with Ennis is a little Jack, actually. A handsome devil with a big heart, a quick learner, a real cowboy through and through. Instinctively would know how to rodeo, maybe. Certainly would have a way with animals, not quite as native as Ennis, of course, but talented enough.
What Jack will find upon his return to Childress, of course, is a woman who�even though she loves her baby as only a mother can, and loves Jack for being the baby�s father�has an agenda at odds with Jack�s romantic nature. For some time, Lureen thrived on Jack�s doting. He was a man � but, well, even though he did the rodeo circuit, he just didn�t fit into the world of macho posturing that her father fostered, for example. She didn�t mind at all. She wanted her own space and didn�t want to be owned, and Jack had a good sense of her needs in relationship to himself.
But since the baby came along eight months ago, Lureen�s parents have encroached mercilessly on Jack and Lureen�s territory. L.D. Newsome decided right away that the baby looked just like him. Lureen has capitulated, and Jack has found himself an outsider in his own home. Bobby doesn�t look a goddamn bit like your fuckin� father, Jack told his wife once. You�re being childish, she told him, and he slept on the couch that night. He wishes Lureen�s daddy would just drop dead. Jack would much rather get the money for a ranch from a dead bastard than from a live bastard.
As he prepares to leave Ennis, Jack thinks, all right, Lureen, ya win this round. Don�t even know it, do ya, son of a bitch � this little game, don�t fuckin� know nothin�, do ya? Ah, ain�t your fault, babe, I know that. Guess it don�t make me a very good person ta walk out like I was plannin�, does it? An� leavin� ya with the baby � yeah, guess that�s fuckin� hard a me, ain�t it? Bobby�s so cute, but it�s true that he don�t look a fuckin� thing like your daddy, goddamn it. An� wouldn�t think a leavin� so much if your daddy wasn�t goin� ta give me enough bucks ta get lost. So it�s his fuckin� fault, yeah � it is, his fault, an� your fault, �cause you�re part a him, goddamn it! Fuckin� bitch!
*
Jack asks himself, what the fuck was I thinkin� comin� up here like this? Ennis Del Mar, I knew ya better �n anyone else, still do � an� after only one summer, that was like a magic trick, wasn�t it, gettin� ya ta open up ta me like ya did. You�re mine, Ennis, yet ya ain�t mine. Always goin� ta be your own goddamn self, ain�t ya? Always goin� ta do what ya fuckin� think is right, don�t matter how good somethin� feels, don�t matter how much the man who loves ya so much wants ya ta do somethin� ya ain�t comfortable doin�.
November, Jack thinks. Can�t give me no ranch, but he�ll give me November.
November � November. Never had so much weight been given one word.
Until then, it�s the details that will keep Jack going. Remember the scent of Ennis� groin, he tells himself, the soft triangle of tawny pubic hair against my cheek, the feel, the taste of Ennis� penis both flaccid and erect, the way his balls hang�large, firm, the left one descending a bit more than the right in that warm scrotum, so soft to the touch. He enjoys Ennis� musky, earthy aroma, the taste of salt and nature on his skin. Men have flavor to them, Jack has found, not like girls, not like Lureen, all scrubbed and perfumed all the time. And Ennis tastes the best, no doubt about it. His Adam�s apple, for chrissake, nothing unusual about it, has always fascinated Jack. Maybe because before they became lovers it was something safe to look at, something well above the waist. Maybe it was more than that. Could be, could be, Jack just isn�t sure.
Jack wants to remember Ennis� whispy sideburns, that lick of hair that curls behind his lover�s ear. At least he has to shave every day now, Jack thinks of Ennis, lovingly. He remembers that very first day outside Aguirre�s trailer, when he himself was shaving at his truck and watching Ennis in the mirror. He saw a big boy nervously smoking, away from home for the first time, no doubt. Jack had felt superior. This is how ya shave, boy, he had thought. Jack had been on the mountain the previous summer. This is men�s work � what the fuck are you doin� here? he had thought, and on and on.
In due time, of course, in that tent � Ennis had proven his manhood. Oh, yes indeed.
*
After Brokeback, Ennis had removed the reality of the other man from his life�s equation, hadn�t he, leaving himself a fantasy shell of the lover named Jack. An imaginary, manageable lover with no demands�the memory of Jack�that Ennis could summon at will. But the reality of this living, breathing man � this warm, loving man named Jack � has shattered those illusions. So Ennis must re-create his fantasy of Jack.
Ennis hopes to evoke some of their shared passion during his moments of carnal self-interest. Sure ain�t nothin� goin� ta stop me from thinkin� �bout this man right here � �bout how strong ya feel when we�re huggin�, �bout how ya taste when we�re kissin�, when I�m suckin� on ya, Jack, when I�m lickin� your balls an� all that � ya know, how your jizz tastes. How ya hit that fuckin� joy knob in my ass when ya got your dick up in there. An� what ya do ta me when I�m fuckin� ya or you�re suckin� my dick. Don�t matter where it is, what you�re doin�, you�re always tight, wet an� warm. The way ya move when you�re doin� my dick � things with your tongue, makin� me go halfway down your goddamn throat, takin� that beautiful mouth all over my balls. Jesus, gets me hard just thinkin� bout that shit, Jack. An� when I�m fuckin� ya � hell, that butthole a yours always goin� ta stay tight like it is, ain�t it? Ever� time, don�t matter how much we do it. Ya make room for my big ol� dick, but I got ta get it in there, don�t I? An� squeezin� past that openin� � ummm, sure rubs nice against the head a my dick there. Love that feelin�, Jack, sure do. I love that feelin� � and I love you too, Jack. I love you too, Ennis thinks.
Ennis doesn�t worry about not saying �I love you� to Jack, because � well, because they both know it, don�t they? Why state the obvious? Only women actually say it, ain�t that so? Ennis never heard his father say it, Jack never heard his father say it. Jack thinks, ain�t goin� ta make fuckin� Ennis change his mind �bout that ranch if I say it. And Ennis thinks, probably ain�t goin� ta make no difference �bout him leavin� that baby boy a his if I say it. Matter a fact, he�d think I was agreein� ta that fucked-up ranch idea, son of a bitch.
So goes love between men sometimes, so difficult to say the simplest things, it seems.
*
Jack comes to Ennis for one last hug. After this whirlwind of emotion and sex, he feels that he�s just gotten here and has to turn right back around. He�s going back emptyhanded, or is he? No, getting Ennis to be at all conditional�to admit his need for Jack, to be so goddamn emotional, for chrissake�surely is some sort of victory, Jack decides.
There is no campfire, it�s still daytime even, but Jack�s face takes on a familiar loving radiance as he reaches for Ennis� face, whispers to him yet again those soothing words, �It�s all right, Ennis. It�s all right. Tell ya what, ya don�t need ta worry �bout ranchin� an� all that right now, okay? Things�ll work out, you�ll see.� He runs his hand gently across Ennis� cheek to wipe away a tear or two. Come November, Ennis, come November, Jack thinks, when ya come �round ta your senses an� help me find a nice little ranch.
So here he is again, beautiful Jack of Brokeback Mountain, the person Ennis loves more than anyone in the world, telling him everything will be all right. How? Ennis wonders. How will it be different when he drives away?
They hug once more, and then they kiss, deeply. Ennis� kiss is a plea: �Jack, ya got ta come back. Don�t leave me on my own again.� Jack�s kiss is a promise: �Ennis, I ain�t goin� ta touch another man �til I see ya again.� Each man silently giving some ground�Ennis admitting his need, Jack swearing off the faceless others who have made the past four years bearable.
As he holds Jack close in the parking lot, heartbeat matching heartbeat, the wind whipping around them, Ennis is grateful for the second chance Jack has brought him. Even so, he can never appreciate for its own sake his time with Jack, the rare contentment he feels when they are together. He cannot believe that he deserves such good fortune.
This second chance with Jack � it is all going to slip away, isn�t it? That is what Ennis thinks, and he doesn�t know how to stop it. He doesn�t want to let this man go. He digs his fingernails into Jack�s solid arm, almost draws blood but leaves instead deep bruises.
And Jack returns the favor, turns the deep kiss into a broader move as he takes his teeth to nip lightly at Ennis� chin.
*
Jack tries to lighten their parting moments, remind both of them how great this reunion has been. It�s the start a somethin�, he thinks. Sure ain�t the end, now is it?
He says, �Tell ya what, Ennis, when I got your postcard tellin� me ta come on up, I was thinkin� does he mean �You bet!� or �You bet!� I was hopin� I knew what ya meant, that ya needed what I needed. Guess we figured that one out, huh? Been an awful lot a fun, ain�t it?�
Ennis brightens as he remembers his first thought when Jack arrived. He knew when he looked out that apartment window � he knew. This man come up from Texas, he thought, and it ain�t for no fuckin� beer. No sir. Somethin�s goin� ta happen, can�t wait ta see what. Some kind a lovin�, I bet. Maybe we goin� ta fuck around, do some suckin� somewhere, whatever. Just got ta taste that boy again! Goddamn!
Still can�t believe I run ta Jack like that, though. Like � like � a girl runnin� ta meet her soldier on leave or somethin�. Shit. Had ta kiss him like that, outdoors an� all, didn�t I? Couldn�t even fuckin� wait. Needed ta suck his fuckin� dick soon as I saw him. Goddamn pitiful, I�m thinkin�, but fuck all, sure felt good lettin� loose like that.
Ennis doesn�t consider the fact that even though he ran excitedly down the stairs, almost jumped into Jack�s arms, Jack did drive a thousand miles to see him. Jack had wondered whether maybe they had outgrown each other, that maybe Brokeback Mountain�s spell over them had vanished. No, not at all, he has discovered. In Ennis� arms, Jack has found the only magic in his life.
�Ya know what I fuckin� meant, Jack. Wanted ta see your face again, feel your beard against mine, kiss those lips, Jack. Touch your dick, too, ya know, rub your chest, lie on top a ya just enjoyin� that Jack smell. Goddamn, it�s been so good havin� ya back. Jack, oh, Jack.� Ennis strokes the back of Jack�s head.
Ennis turns away to hide the lump in his throat. How can he be doing this to Jack? Haven�t they both spent four years hoping for � something? I�m the one wrote �You bet!� Ennis reminds himself. What the fuck for, if I ain�t goin� ta do nothin� more �bout it? Just a quick fuck, a few quick fucks, a few days? Is that what it�s goin� ta be?
But it is the moment of reckoning, time for Ennis to be a man about Jack leaving. Time to accept his own responsibility.
�Jack, ya got ta go. Ya got ta leave me ta figure this one out.� But Ennis knows there will be nothing to �figure out.� There is nothing he can fix here, so he is going to have to stand it, a prisoner of his own pearl of wisdom, a prisoner of his own convictions.
Jack squeezes his shoulder, which turns into one last hug. He gets in the truck, this time one that doesn�t need to be tinkered with. Puts it in gear, pulls out, turns on to the road.
How many times between now and November will Ennis find himself on the bed doubled back on himself, sweating feet on the wall, shooting his load into his own mouth � or all over his face? Jack wonders. Doing that when there is a warm-blooded man right here in this truck who would turn around in a second, abandon his family to make love to that cock with his mouth every day, to swallow as much seed as Ennis cared to deliver. On the one hand, Jack pities Ennis for having to do this all by himself � but he also envies Ennis for those moments when his penis ejaculates that hot semen onto his own face, into his own mouth. Jack thinks that somehow only he should have the right to that pleasure, the right to slake his thirst for Ennis� love juices, the privilege of bathing in that semen if he so desires. For his part, Jack would much rather feed his own cock to Ennis, feel that man�s mouth warmly embracing his erection, his loving tongue darting into the piss slit, into other places that need a tongue�s caress.
*
He watches Ennis in the rearview mirror, watches him as he heads, shoulders hunched, so alone � so alone � back to that place he calls home. Jack chastises himself: I fuckin� wasn�t goin� ta do this again! So I ain�t got no black eye this time, big fuckin� deal. Big motherfuckin� deal, he thinks as the tears begin to roll down his face. He beats in frustration on the steering wheel. I wasn�t goin� ta do this again, I swear it, Ennis, he sobs.
Ennis watches the truck until Jack is out of view. I done this before, ain�t I? he thinks, his stomach already in knots. Can I make it ta the door without poundin� on the wall, without gettin� sick? Ennis is repeating a mistake, the biggest mistake of his life, and he knows it. But he can�t get his mind around it, he can�t fix this one.
As those tail lights disappear, Ennis realizes he can�t stand it, either. But nobody will ever know that but him.
He collapses against that very wall where he had kissed Jack with such furious passion just three days ago. He could put his fist through it, but he doesn�t. This time, he hangs his head and cries. He sobs, and he is not quiet about it. Shoulders heaving, it is a harsh, staccato lament to a sorrow that should not be.
THE END
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