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Thin Air	By : Daiyu_Amaya Category: Star Wars (All) > Slash - Male/Male Views: 987 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Do not own Star wars or Star wars clone wars ect, and I do not make any money off of it.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
I let out a breath as Wolffe slid deeper into the booth, a frown on his face; "I thought he knew, I told Cody about this." Cody knew that Wolffe had a plan for me?
I supposed that made sense, everyone knew Cody and Rex cared about me and most assumed as Plo had that I was with them in some form...Anakin looked very confused; "I thought you were with Cody and Rex Obi-Wan so what is this about?"
I didn't want to answer that, how could I answer that after all? "We were just helping him relax, to get him away from the whole situation so that when he came back to it he might be able to look at it with a new light."
It did help if Plo hadn't admitted to his relationship with Wolffe, if I hadn't noticed how close they were then I might not have begun to have doubts about staying away from Cody and Rex and now I'd gone and messed it all up.
Anakin seemed to think over what Wolffe had said and glanced at Plo Koon with a curious light in his eyes. "You and Wolffe are together then?" Plo tilted his head in a nod; "We aren't bound by law the way you and Amidala are but my species wouldn't think very highly of what I do."
Anakin spluttered completely caught off-guard by Plo's statement, which honestly I don't know why Anakin thought he was fooling anyone! My own sorted history with love, I could see why he'd try to hide it, but he did a poor job...About nearly as badly as I did.
"How!" I snorted at Anakin's expression, pure shock crossing his face and giving it an odd twist. "It was kind of obvious Anakin, you weren't fooling anyone." He slumped against the table, "So, whats going on with you, Rex, and Cody?" I felt bone tired without having done anything.
"You might want to sit down for this." Anakin frowned; "I'm pretty sure you need to go so that you, Cody, and Rex can have a conversation. Besides, there's a lot of things I want to ask you that will just take too long."
Well if he was willing to wait then that was fine; "I promise will talk, I might not want to answer all your questions though." Anakin nodded; "I know and I respect that." What happened to make Anakin so much more mature than before? I supposed that was a matter for a different day. "Thank you, Anakin."

Waiting for them to show up to my rooms was perhaps the most nerve-wracking thing I had done in my whole life. I was about to go against the Jedi order with this choice if they found out and decided to make me a lesson to others who might find themselves attached...If I lost the order I don't know what I would do. I had left before, but heartbreak had driven me back to the safety of the order.
I had lost so many loved ones, was this really the right choice? But to deny that I had feelings for them would only, in the long run, hurt them, and yet it was their choice to be with me as much as my choice to be with them.
If it came down to it I would ask the council to bar me from the order after the war was done, that way I could continue to do what I did best. Helping those who needed help, and afterward, I suppose I would go on just helping those who needed it in a new way.
But that was a future that might not be, and so this path was just one of many that could be. Once I committed to this path, more paths would open for me. Even if it was a rather reckless path, if I committed to attachment I could fall.
A knock on my door caused me to take a deep breath. This was the time to show no hesitation. I had to tell them the truth about my feelings and to also tell them about my own selfish behavior. Cody and Rex looked like they were going to explode with how much emotion they were currently feeling and I didn't blame them, I was sure that I looked fairly similar.
We settled and I let out another breath. "I know that a lot has happened over the last year and it's not going to be easy for me to talk about some things, so please be patient with me." They both nodded and linked hands, this was it. This was the truth I needed to get out and now was the time.
"Both of you found me at one of my lowest points when I attempted to take my own life and I never told you why I would do such a thing..." Cody's brows dipped in confusion, this wasn't a great start to a conversation but it was the more important part of it.
"You asked me if I had wanted to die, the answer is yes and no. At the time I attempted to take my life, yes, I wanted to die, I wanted to stop hindering those I cared about, to stop hurting for the ones I failed." The one I failed the most, who would never be. I would never see them, never hear their laughter or teach them about the force...
"But, you haven't failed anyone Obi-Wan." I wanted to laugh, Cody wouldn't say that once I told him the truth. "You remember when that plant creature attacked me?" Both of them nodded, now both of them very confused, I felt bad for this but I had to get this out. I had to tell them how I lost the child that had been part of one of them.
"It wasn't trying to eat me, it was attempting to impregnate me. It succeeded in taking the genetic material of one of you and passing it to me along with some of its spores." Their jaws dropped, shock sending waves through the force. I allowed them time to settle, it was still hard for me to even wrap my head around it too.
"So, you're with child...One of us is the father. Obi-Wan why wouldn't you tell us sooner? God that was nearly four months ago!" Cody exclaimed and Rex frowned, perhaps he realized I hadn't gotten any bigger as women did when full of a child.
"I didn't want to tell anyone about the child, I couldn't...I wouldn't have been able to keep it." Rex reared back; "Obi-Wan, what did you do?" Cody looked between us before fear and sadness coated him; "It's gone?" I nodded; "I didn't tell anyone, the only person to know at first was a Jedi Healer. A little before we were sent on a mission, so I simply didn't tell anyone."
I closed my eyes, a headache forming. "I went into battle and a blast knocked me out." They nodded, both of them remembered that I was sure. "Kix was really concerned and freaked out. Kind of freaked us out too." Rex said, eyes softening once he realized I hadn't killed it with intent. "Kix found out I was pregnant when I woke he told me it was dead and that without Anakin I might have gone with it."
I couldn't do this, I couldn't look at them anymore. How could we move beyond what I had done? The poor innocent child died because I didn't want anyone to know, if it had gone to term I would have had to tell the council at least and they would have taken the child from me. Who knew how much it would have looked like me and its father, who knew if it would be force sensitive?
"That's why you've been so emotional. Because you were pregnant...That at least explains why you were acting so back and forth with us. What happens now Obi-Wan?" Rex asked gently and I didn't deserve it, I had killed a child and now. Now I had two men who wanted to know if I would love them-I would only get them killed as I had the child. I opened my eyes to see worry and sadness on both of their faces.
"I suppose that depends on you both...I did something so vile, I don't know why you can even look at me right now." Cody let out a sigh; "Obi-Wan, you were frightened and hormonal, how could we blame you for what happened? No one really thought you were acting too different if anything just more stressed out."
At least I had managed that. Still, it was horrible and it made me a horrible person to get a child killed. What had I turned into? What kind of monster endangered a child the way I had and then shrugs it off like nothing ever happened?
"That explains why you attempted to take your life, but...Obi-Wan we would have been there for you, we love you and only want to be part of your life if you wanted us to be. No matter when you told us about the child." I reeled, loved me? That was... Did they love me? I felt my face warm, and my eyes sting.
"How could you love me? After I killed our child? After I stupidly allowed myself to be captured? After how coldly I acted to both of you? I don't deserve your love, I deserve your hatred!" Fear bubbled in me, how could they love me when I was so obviously wrong in so many ways?
"I would only manage to get both of you killed! I am the worst person you could have ever fallen in love with-Look at what happened to Satine! To Siri and Cerasi! Everyone I have loved has either left me knowing I wouldn't leave the order again or died knowing I was the reason they died!"
Cody shivered; "Obi-Wan, all of the people in your life knew that loving you was worth the danger, you weren't the reason they died and you shouldn't blame yourself for it." Satine died because Maul wanted to hurt me, and he did because I was weak because I didn't want him to hurt her and if it hadn't been for me she wouldn't have been targeted that way.
"I don't want either of you to die because of me...I don't want either of you to hate me for doing that to you, how could I possibly love you without hurting you in the end?" They both flinched; "Obi-Wan we were made for war, I don't really see myself or Rex living through it. If anything we're going to hurt you."
My lungs stopped working and my eyes watered, how could Cody say that? Knowing that one would die at any time and yet they loved each other and me all the same? I would lose them as I had lost others, maybe this was the Forces will for me. To walk this path, loving and losing, but still walking forward because I was needed.
"Then I should stop beating around the bush and spend time with both of you before I lose you shouldn't I?" As much as I doubted this path...If they loved me truly and I couldn't stop loving them, then I should love them with everything I had and stop hiding from them.
"You mean it? You...You love us back?" I sighed; "As much as it scares me yes, I love both of you too." Rex stood and scooped me up in a hug; "We're sorry too, Obi-Wan, we never meant to hurt you." Cody's warmth covered my back before Rex handed me to Cody and my arms wrapped around his neck; "We'll do our hardest to talk through things instead of just acting alright? Just promise us you'll talk when you need to as well okay?" I nodded, I could do that, if I could have this conversation then I could talk about anything with them.
It might take me time to talk about things but I would try. "As long as you want me." Their arms tightened around me; "That will never be a problem, we'll love you for the rest of our lives."
- 10
- 11
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Thin Air