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Forbidden Longing	By : PyramidHead316 Category: Star Wars (All) > General Views: 4286 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: George Lucas owned Star Wars, which is now owned by Disney. This is merely a work of fan fiction. We make no profit off of this fic.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
AN: The reason for Anakin's reaction here is because of the pain of the betrayal from Obi-Wan, and the physical torment of what he's endured. I've had comments left that Anakin appears too emotional, breaking down like he does. To have him show no reaction in response to the events that have happened would be inhuman. Just because they're men, doesn't mean that they feel no emotions and pain from what has happened, when these victims appear and have to deal with their story (male rape victims are often reluctant to come forward, for that same reason), a point that one of the critics on Fanfiction.net seems to have missed entirely. Apparently, manly men are manly and should never show incredible emotions under duress. Anakin is NOT weak, and rest assured he will recover from this and come back stronger than ever, later on in the story. :)
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and so forth...
Chapter 11: Truths and Decisions
Anakin froze in his tracks as he saw that his beloved angel was waiting for him. Oh no, he thought, holding back a wave of despair. This was precisely what he’d hoped to avoid, until the time was right. He had promised to talk and he would. He just wanted to wait until he was in better condition to do so. But now, after what Obi-Wan had done to him…
Padme stared at her husband with a mixture of shock and disbelief. His shirt was torn open. His face was tear-stained and bruised. He looked utterly broken and she knew something terrible had happened. And she knew Obi-Wan was the source of his pain.
“Anakin, what happened?” Her voice was equal parts horror and desperation, and rightfully so. Never had she seen her husband in such a bedraggled state as she had the past two days.
Anakin remained silent. He wanted to tell her about what was happening; really, he did. But he was tired and sore, and he felt so…so dull inside. Lifeless, defeated; like he’d lost all the inner strength he’d gained over the years as a Jedi. All he wanted was to lie down and go to sleep.
But Padme wouldn’t allow that. She wanted the truth and she wanted it now. Her famed patience as a Senator and former queen of Naboo had run out. Too many lies, too many odd behavior traits…Anakin had dug himself into a hole by keeping the truth from her this long, and he knew it.
“Anakin…”
“It’s nothing,” he said at last, his tone flat and lifeless. It was a blatant lie and a weak one as well. He hadn’t the strength to lie convincingly to her anymore.
“Anakin, don’t lie to me,” Padme said sharply. She was tired of this game. It was killing her, not knowing what was eating away at her husband. She had had enough.
“I know something is wrong. You’ve shown me that plainly every day, and I know it has something to do with Obi-Wan.” She gave Anakin a pleading look. “Sweetheart, I can’t help you unless you tell me what is going on.”
“Padme, there’s nothing going on!” Anakin replied tersely. It was a mistake the moment he said it. Padme was one hundred percent certain that something terrible was going on – he had told her as much that morning. To have him deny that now, and snap at her so defensively, was to confirm all her suspicions that her husband was hiding something devastating.
He just wanted to hold on for one more day. He was ashamed at the things he had let Obi-Wan do to him. Words could not express the misery and self-loathing he was feeling at the moment, and he had the palpable fear that it would get worse if he told Padme the truth. He knew it was stupid; Padme loved him for who he was. She said she would always be with him and support him when they exchanged wedding vows at the Varykino. And yet, he couldn’t help but fear that this would mean the end of their relationship. Padme was a strong, intelligent, capable young woman. Why would she want to be with someone who couldn’t even defend himself from another man’s advances?
He was supposed to be her hero…her Jedi protector, on whom she could always rely on. Instead here he was crying like a child, completely dependent on her to defend him.
“Anakin, don’t give me that! I’m sick and tired of you not letting me help you,” Padme snapped, feeling at her wits end. Why was he making this so difficult? What could possibly be so horrible that he found it so hard to talk to her?
Was Obi-Wan abusing him? It seemed like a certainty, but there had to be more to it than that.
“Anakin, please,” she begged him, “just tell me what is going on.”
After what felt like an eternity, the words emerged roughly from his throat. “The truth is…I…he…”
His voice broke. He couldn’t say it, couldn’t admit the horrible truth of what Obi-Wan had done to him aloud. Fresh tears formed in his eyes, stinging his vision with their saltiness. It was all Padme needed to know. She placed a gentle, loving hand on his cheek.
“Ani…oh Ani, what has happened? What did he do to you?” Padme asked, as she carefully led her husband to the sofa. They sat down and Anakin stared numbly into space for a few minutes.
“Sweetheart, please tell me everything. I must know. I promise I can protect us from him, but I must know everything,” Padme urged him.
Anakin felt the strength drain out of him once more. He couldn’t go on with this charade. It was killing him inside to keep this pain a secret. In a way, it was almost worse than the pain of losing his mother on Tatooine. Those circumstances had been out of his control. These had not. He had willingly let himself fall into this situation, and now he was finding it impossible to get out of it. There was only one person who could help him.
“I…I don’t even know where to begin,” Anakin said, as tears cascaded down his cheeks. Padme smoothed her fingers through his hair and stroked his face.
“Start at the beginning baby…and take your time. I’m not going anywhere,” she soothed him. Anakin sniffed and wiped his tears away, even though more came to replace them.
“I guess…it all started the night I came home,” he began.
“You mean the night Obi-Wan spied on us?” Padme asked. Anakin nodded.
“Before that, I thought he was drunk. He did the weirdest thing before I came home…and I really didn’t think much of it, because I thought he was drunk,” Anakin said.
“What did he do?” she asked. Anakin lowered his head shamefully.
“He kissed me,” Anakin said, with a sniffle.
“I pushed him away and told him he was drunk. Then I left and that’s when he followed me and saw us…spied on us making love,” Anakin answered. A sharp pang of terror seized Padme’s heart, as implications began swimming in her head. Obi-Wan had kissed her husband. Obi-Wan was attracted to her husband. She knew where this was going…but by the Force, she did not want to believe her husband’s mentor could do these terrible things to him. However, there would be time for her to speak later. Right now, she needed to hear everything from Anakin.
“What happened after that?” she prodded.
“The next time we were together…he was furious with me. I thought at first it was because I had broken the Code…but it was mostly because he was really jealous of you,” Anakin replied.
“Jealous of me?” she asked.
“Jealous that I loved you and rejected him,” Anakin replied.
“Oh Gods…” Padme whispered.
“After that, he laid down the ground rules,” Anakin said in disgust. Padme’s eyes narrowed.
“Ground rules?” she asked.
“If I wanted our secret kept from the Council…and if I wanted you to remain unharmed…then I would comply with his demands.”
“His demands?” Padme reiterated in disbelief. Who was this man who claimed to be Obi-Wan Kenobi?
“He’s changed, Padme. He’s not the Obi-Wan we know anymore,” Anakin replied.
“Go on sweetheart,” Padme urged him.
“He…told me that if I didn’t do what he wanted, then he would kill you,” Anakin said, as fresh tears swam in his eyes.
“I…I was so scared that he would kill you…so I let him kiss me. The first time…it was just kissing,” Anakin said, as he paused, before continuing.
“The second time…there was more kissing. But this time…he ordered me to take my clothes off for him. I refused…and then he threatened you again, so I did it. I let him kiss and touch me all over…” Anakin sobbed. Padme laid his head against her shoulder, slowly rocking him as she held him.
“It’s okay sweetheart…everything’s going to be okay now,” Padme said, waiting for him to continue.
“After that…I decided that the next time, I wasn’t going to let him do that to me. So, I fought him in a lightsaber duel…and I lost,” Anakin said brokenly.
“Is that how your tunic got shredded?” Padme asked. Anakin nodded mutely. Padme had never felt such anger before. The dozens of painful cuts on his back were caused by the man her husband should have been able to trust.
“What happened then?” she asked.
“I was forced to submit to him.” He paused, knowing that his next words would shock Padme to the core. “He…he forced me to go down on him,” Anakin choked out, unable to use the clinical term. It was too degrading. Padme suppressed a gasp as her husband cried quietly, unable to stop the moisture sliding down his face.
“You must be disgusted by me,” Anakin said dejectedly.
“Never my love. None of this is your fault and I could never love you any less,” Padme replied. Anakin shook his head.
“I don’t deserve your love…not after what happened tonight,” he said. But Padme was adamant.
“Go on, and know that no matter what you tell me, I will still love you just as much as always,” she promised.
“I…I tried to get away Padme. But he trapped me, right in front of the Council. He asked me to come to his apartment to discuss the mission and…I couldn’t refuse in front of the Council,” Anakin said. Padme held him tightly, dreading what was to come…what she suspected had happened.
“I went with him and I was furious. I told him that I wasn’t letting him do this to me. I tried to leave…but he had the door programmed so only he could open it. He got really violent again and forced me to the bedroom, promising to kill you if I didn’t go. It…it was horrible. It hurt…so bad...” Anakin said, as he flashed back to the first few moments upon entering Obi-Wan’s bedroom.
~*~
Obi-Wan held Anakin around the waist in a vice-like grip, as he plundered the younger man’s mouth. His hands traveled over Anakin’s body, until they finally reached Anakin’s belt. Obi-Wan quickly worked the young man’s pants off and then shoved him to the bed with a hard push. Anakin tried to scramble up, but a firm backhand across the face from his Master deterred him. Obi-Wan pinned his gorgeous Padawan beneath him, holding him down with inhuman strength.
“It’s time for you to learn your place now, young one. You are wasting your energy resisting me, for it will do you no good,” Obi-Wan said, as forcefully rolled Anakin over and pushed him to face down submissively. While straddling the boy’s hips, Obi-Wan began removing his clothing. Anakin gasped in horror as he felt his Master’s hardened flesh pressing against him, waiting to be rammed into him.
“Obi-Wan…please, don’t do this. Please, Master,” Anakin begged.
“Shut up Anakin. It’s time for you to pay the price for your disobedience and learn your new purpose,” Obi-Wan said, as he quickly found the boy’s opening.
“No…please…” Anakin sobbed, feeling his Master’s thick member against his most private area. When he was least expecting it, a vicious pain suddenly overtook him. He let out a blood-curdling scream as Obi-Wan violently forced himself into him. He gripped the younger man’s hips with hands of steel, holding him in place as a terrible fire raged through Anakin’s lower body. And the pure hell continued for nearly an hour, as his Master viciously raped him…
~*~
Anakin was sobbing now. Padme rocked him gently, letting her own tears fall down her face.
“He…he raped me, Padme. It…it hurt so bad, angel,” Anakin sobbed. Padme merely held him, closing her eyes in shared pain. Her beloved was in agony, and so was she.
This…this was worse than she ever could have imagined. She had suspected that Obi-Wan was abusing him. The cuts and shredded clothing were testament to that. And when Anakin confided that Obi-Wan had kissed him, she had a terrible idea of where this was going. But somehow, it hadn’t occurred to her just how awful the truth of what Kenobi had done to him could truly be.
Obi-Wan had raped her husband. She felt a complete sense of astonishment from that simple statement. Obi-Wan had raped her husband. This loving, caring man who only wanted to help others had been subjected to the worst possible ordeal a human being could face without being crippled or dying, and it had all been at the hands of a man he had learned to trust and respect. How could Obi-Wan do this? He was a Jedi! Padme thought accusingly. He was supposed to uphold the principles of justice and virtue, not…not abuse them in such a horrible manner.
She had never felt such utter and complete anger before. How dare Obi-Wan? How dare he torture her husband like this? How dare he hold her very life above his head just to get what he wanted? She knew with absolute certainty now that she had to take her husband as far away from Obi-Wan as possible.
She called Threepio into the living room. The protocol gave them an odd look at the sight of Master Anakin and his Mistress crying together on the sofa, though he wisely chose not to comment.
“Threepio, please begin packing our things. We are leaving in the morning,” Padme ordered.
“Of course, Miss Padme? May I ask how many days you wish me to pack for?” the droid asked.
“Pack everything Threepio. We will not be coming back here,” Padme answered.
“Yes Miss Padme,” Threepio obeyed and went about his duties. Anakin looked into her eyes.
“Wha…what about the Senate?” he asked, still trembling from his breakdown.
“I’ll deliver my resignation to the Queen personally upon our arrival on Naboo tomorrow,” Padme said. Anakin shook his head.
“I can’t let you give up your position in the Senate, angel,” he replied, knowing how important her career was to Padme. To his surprise, his gorgeous wife stared at him with fire in her eyes.
“I do not give a damn about the Senate right now, Anakin! You are what is important to me right now and I must get you away from that monster that did this to you! We’re going to tell the Council exactly what Master Kenobi has been up to lately,” Padme said, as she stood up and crossed her arms.
“We can’t,” Anakin replied.
“Why not? He needs to pay for what he’s done to you!” Padme said.
“It’s my word over his, Padme. He will deny everything and they will not believe me,” Anakin replied. At those words, most of the respect Padme had for the Jedi Council was erased.
“I’m so sorry, my love. I should have never let this happen to you,” she said, hugging him tightly.
“Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to be sorry for,” Anakin said.
“You wanted to go days ago, Anakin, and you’ve been dissatisfied for far longer. I should have let you,” Padme replied. Anakin shook his head.
“No…don’t blame yourself. Neither of us could have ever imagined that this could happen. Not in our wildest dreams could we ever have predicted that Obi-Wan would turn into this monster of a man,” he replied. They were silent for a moment, before he spoke again.
“I have to resign,” Anakin said dully. It was an odd thing, knowing his career as a Jedi was over. He should have been upset, or angry at losing such prestige because of Obi-Wan. Strangely enough, all he felt was satisfaction, and relief, that he would finally be away from his tormentor. “It’s the only way they’ll let me stay with you.”
“I know. I’m just sorry it took this long to see it,” Padme replied sorrowfully.
Silence. “They want me to go on a mission with him. To Utapau, so we can capture General Grievous,” Anakin admitted. Padme looked at him sharply.
“What?”
“General Grievous. He’s invaded the Utapau system. The Council wants me and Obi-Wan to go after him,” he repeated. The expression on Padme’s face was utterly serious. She knew what this meant all right.
“Then you have to resign right away. I will not let you go on this mission with him,” she said.
“I know…if I go, he’ll just keep doing it. He’s already promised me that he would as much as possible,” Anakin quietly admitted.
“Then we will go to the Temple tomorrow. I will wait on the landing platform while you tell the Council that you are resigning,” Padme said.
“But what do I tell them?” Anakin asked, looking lost.
“You will tell them that we’re in love, and that we’re both doing the right thing by resigning our positions to begin a quiet life together. Obi-Wan cannot attack you in the Temple if he wishes to keep the Council fooled. We will be gone and there will be nothing he can do about it,” Padme said.
“Angel, we will not be safe on Naboo for long. He will come for me,” Anakin replied.
“Then we will leave. I don’t care if we have to travel to ends of the galaxy for the rest of our lives. As long as we’re together, that is all that matters to me,” Padme said.
“Padme, we could very well be on the run for the rest of our lives! He’s dangerous and wishes to kill you. I cannot put you through that,” Anakin said.
“I don’t care what we have to do to be together, Anakin. Obi-Wan Kenobi has wronged you in the worst possible way and I will not let him near you again,” Padme said strongly. Anakin was taken aback.
“You’d leave here with me…forever? You’d give this all up for me?” he asked.
“I am giving up nothing, Anakin, and gaining everything just being with you. No more politics…no more war…no Jedi…no Senate. Just us and our love…that’s all I want or need. We will go as far away as we have to. We will live anonymously in some little community,” a smile came to Padme’s face, “and have beautiful babies someday. Come away with me love…let me help you heal. I know I can with our love,” she said softly.
Anakin broke down in her arms again. Padme rocked him gently, as sobs racked his broad shoulders. Obi-Wan Kenobi had committed a grievous crime tonight. He’d not only raped and tortured her husband…but he succeeded in sealing Senator Amidala’s coffin. But Padme Skywalker was alive and well…and Kenobi would never harm her husband again…not if she could do anything about it. Anakin eventually cried himself to sleep. Padme had Threepio bring her a blanket and she covered them both up. She fell asleep against him, her arms still holding him tightly. Unfortunately for Anakin, Obi-Wan decided to project his dreams on his tormented Padawan…
~*~
It was dark and the ground underneath him was hard. He felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his mid section and then he knew exactly where he was. This was Obi-Wan’s dream and Anakin’s nightmare. It wasn’t enough to torture him when he was awake, but Obi-Wan had to do it when he was sleeping too by projecting his fantasies and dreams upon the young man. They were on some Force forsaken planet, on a mission for the Council. It was night and they were alone in their tent. And Obi-Wan was seeking to pleasure himself by using his Padawan’s body, as if it was his possession…and to Obi-Wan, it was. Anakin belonged to him and there was no denying that.
Anakin whimpered, as Obi-Wan devoured his lips in a hard, possessive kiss. Obi-Wan smirked evilly at him, as his eyes roamed the former Padawan’s body. He sat behind Anakin and pressed himself against the younger man’s back, making sure his erection was resting against the boy’s firm, glorious backside. Suddenly, Anakin found his Master forcing a thick piece of cloth between his teeth and felt it being tied at the back of his head. Anakin began to panic, realizing his Master had just gagged him. Obi-Wan brought his lips to his Padawan’s ear.
“I’m going to take you…every chance I get. But I cannot have any of the Clone troopers hearing your screams, so you’ll have to wear this while you’re getting fucked, young one. Anakin’s heart pounded in his chest, as he realized he was about to viciously raped again…probably several times just in this one night. Obi-Wan pushed Anakin face down on his sleeping bag and settled over the boy’s hips. He slowly pulled the younger man’s sleep pants down and stared possessively at his beautiful prize. Without warning, Obi-Wan thrust viciously into Anakin’s tight, sore opening. The younger man screamed painfully, but it was severally muffled thanks to the cloth between his teeth. Tears streamed down Anakin’s face, as his master pounded violently in and out of him.
~*~
“Anakin! Anakin…wake up! Please Ani…oh wake up my love,” Padme said, as she shook her screaming husband. He was crying out in terror, yelling for Obi-Wan to stop. Finally, Anakin jolted awake and realized that he was in Padme’s arms.
“Padme?” he asked surprised, not daring to believe it was her.
“Anakin, it’s me. You’re safe now,” Padme assured her.
“Padme,” Anakin whispered, looking and sounding like nothing more than a lost little boy. It broke Padme’s heart to see him that way. Suddenly, he wrapped her in a fierce embrace. It wasn’t long before the sobs came. Fresh tears streaked his face, causing him to feel a measure of self-loathing. He was ashamed of being so weak.
Padme held him tightly against her, allowing him to cry into her shoulder. “Shhh. Ani, it’s okay. It’s okay, my love,” she soothed him, gently stroking his blond curls. He clung to her as though his life depended on it. He was terrified by the thought of falling back into Obi-Wan’s monstrous hands. Padme held back her own tears, feeling every bit as distraught as her husband.
“I’m sorry,” Anakin murmured. Padme pulled back.
“Sorry? For what?” she asked, disbelieving.
“For being so weak,” he said, looking down to avoid her eyes. He couldn’t stand to look at her, knowing the pity that was surely lurking in her eyes.
As she saw the misery written plainly on his face, Padme realized exactly why he was unable to tell her about what Obi-Wan was doing. It wasn’t just the threat of her life, although that was certainly a huge factor. However, there was more to it than that.
He was ashamed.
Her Ani was a strong man. He was a brave Jedi Knight, powerful in the Force, sometimes to a frightening degree. He had an equally powerful temper, one that thrilled Padme as much as it unsettled her. Though he would never harm her, anyone who would instantly earned his wrath. Anakin was very protective of his angel, and he had the power to back up that defense against anyone who would threaten her.
But even he wasn’t prepared for a threat from his own Master, and he never could have anticipated being put into such a horrible situation. Obi-Wan had wounded him, in a way that went beyond the physical. He had stripped away Anakin’s pride and dignity, leaving him a tortured man who felt he was responsible for the ordeal he endured.
Poor Anakin…Padme thought, appalled at the damage Obi-Wan had done to her husband’s spirit. Padme knew her husband was a proud man; proud of his accomplishments and the rightful place he had earned among the Jedi as a gallant warrior. To be put through this kind of ordeal…it must have killed him inside to go through this alone, afraid his angel would reject him for being less of a man.
“Now you listen to me, Anakin Skywalker,” she said, gripping Anakin’s shoulders tightly. “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for, you’re not responsible for this.”
“But Padme –” Anakin started to object.
“Anakin, no! That’s what he wants you to think,” Padme said, with sudden insight into Kenobi’s actions. “That it’s your fault; that you deserve to have this happen to you. Well, it’s not! This is entirely on his shoulders. He abused you, Anakin. He knew you would never hurt him and he took advantage of that. Do you hear me? It’s not your fault.” Padme ground out every last word, making sure it sunk into her husband that she was serious. He had suffered enough. He did not deserve to blame himself for this ordeal.
Finally, Anakin replied. “Okay.”
Padme sighed. “Let’s come to bed. We can talk about this in the morning.” Anakin gave a simple nod, letting her take him by the hand.
His wife led him to the bedroom where they could sleep more comfortably after that. Fortunately, Padme was able to lull him back to sleep for a few more hours of uninterrupted rest. They would both need it, for tomorrow, their lives were going to change forever.
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