Reunion | By : rvanv Category: 1 through F > Brokeback Mountain Views: 1695 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own "Brokeback Mountain." Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar and their families are the creation of Annie Proulx and remain her property. This story has no commercial purpose whatsoever, and I intend no infringement of her copyright. |
(Sunday morning, on the road)
“A moving violation …”
They fell asleep together, but by morning Jack and Ennis have drifted to opposite sides of the bed. Jack is well rested, his naked body sprawled out to embrace the new day, it seems. Sure, it’s their last day together until November, but Jack’s dreams have been hopeful. What can happen in six months! November has become a target date, and that ranch is just around the corner, as far as he is concerned. And all this lovemaking, wild and energetic—so much to look forward to!
Ennis sleeps curled up, wound tight in the crumpled sheets, hugging his pillow. His dreams have been dark, despairing. He is losing Jack … for how long doesn’t even matter … and he can’t see beyond that, sees only the void between now and November. This incredible lovemaking … it has clarified their love for each other so much. And even so he can’t break away … from his perceived obligations … from his history … from himself.
*
So this is it. The end of their reunion is just a couple of hours away. Jack will drop Ennis off at the apartment in Riverton and hit the road right away, no pleasantries with Ennis’ wife, one of the obstacles to him and Ennis finding that sweet life. Texans do drink coffee, Ennis would like to tell Alma, but I don’t think you want Jack to stick around. He takes his with extra cream, he might add obscenely.
Their minimal gear packed up, the two men head for Jack’s truck. Ennis is gloomy, shoulders sagging. I can’t live with this, he has decided. He looks longingly at Jack. Forgive me, Jack, but I just can’t live with this.
Jack thinks, don’t know how I’m goin’ ta carry on without ya, Ennis. Specially after four days a lovin’ like I never would a dreamed! Jesus. But like ya say, I just got ta stand it … till ya come ‘round, anyways. Couple more trips ought a do it, I bet.Couple more fishin’ trips like this … yeah. That’s a life, Ennis, not what you an’ Alma got goin’ on. What’s it goin’ ta take for me ta get inside that thick skull a yours ta change your mind? A fuckin’ year in paradise? Ah, no use mopin’ ‘bout it now, though … need ta plan ahead, got plenty a time on that trip back. Think ‘bout how that little ol’ ranch is goin’ ta work, exactly how I’m goin’ ta get that dough out a Lureen’s ol’ man. Motherfucker.
*
Shit, Ennis here, he ain’t lookin’ too good. Got ta get him some coffee.… Oh, damn … that ain’t his needin’ coffee face.
“Ennis, how come ya in a bad mood, friend … I mean, considerin’ last night an’ all? Had ourselves a mighty good time, didn’t we?” Understatement, that. Jesus, all that jizz we shot in just a few days here ‘tween the two a us … wears me out just thinkin’ ‘bout it! Sure as hell makes me hard thinkin’ ‘bout it all. Ya ain’t forgot nothin’, Ennis, all I can say, Jack thinks. In fact, you’re better ‘n ever, buddy.
Ennis answers somberly, “Ain’t in a bad mood, Jack, just ain’t quite woke up yet is all. Just need some coffee or somethin’.” I ain’t in the mood ta be fucked with, Jack, save yourself the trouble, he thinks. Yeah … considerin’ last night … an’ now what? Now what, Jack?
“Coffee my ass, Ennis, you’re full a shit an’ ya know it!” Jack’s in a fine mood, still high on last night’s hormones and coming in his own mouth, Ennis licking his face, all that, and as far as Jack can tell, Ennis enjoyed it all every bit as much as he did. These moods, these moods … Jack will have none of Ennis’ changing moods today. No sir, they are going to part on romantic terms this time, Jack has decided, forward thinking, making plans … no watching in his rearview mirror as the love of his life trudges the other way down the dusty road at the bottom of Brokeback Mountain. Never again.
*
Jack remembers that time: So goddamn depressin’, had ta be the worst day a my life, maybe. Fuckin’ Ennis, man, shoulders hunched over like that … couldn’t even look at each other. Just turned an’ walked away. Could a been the last I ever would a seen a him, an’ couldn’t even see his eyes under that hat. So much for bein’ men ‘bout it all. Jesus, didn’t even make it out a the fuckin’ parkin’ lot ‘fore I was cryin’ like a goddamn baby! Almost hit the poor guy, didn’t I, ‘cause I couldn’t see through them tears.
Should a just grabbed the fucker by the collar an’ kissed him long an’ deep. Should a just slammed that boy up against that trailer an’ fucked his ass. Aguirre, ugly ol’ cocksucker, could a heard it all, right outside a his own goddamn window, an’ couldn’t a done nothin’ ‘bout it. Done already fired us, the stupid fuck! We could a stood there comin’ all over his goddamn trailer, let him watch that with them goddamn binoculars!
Should a just fuckin’ pulled Ennis right up into that truck, drove off ‘fore he could do somethin’ ‘bout it. Didn’t do that, though, did I? Left him standin’ there like he was, all alone. Hidin’ his own feelin’s like usual. Must a felt bad as I did … like he says, tried ta puke his guts out … jesus, poor Ennis. Damn, I loved that man so much … so fuckin’ much … an’ just drove away like that, pretendin’ like it didn’t matter. Pretendin’ like it motherfuckin’ didn’t matter—goddamn me, an’ ain’t I payin’ the price now! Should a done it different maybe? How could I a driven off like that, like the guy didn’t mean the world ta me? Did he really believe that? Christ, hope Ennis didn’t believe that, not even for a minute.
Maybe I could a hung ‘round with him, kept him from marryin’ that girl? Shit, I don’t know … Ennis … Ennis Del Mar … once he gets his mind set on somethin’ … maybe not the best thing, but he always thinks it’s right, don’t he? God love him, he’s so true like that. Like a boy trustin’ his daddy ta do the best thing, do right by him. An’ then he finds out daddy’s a fuck-up but he don’t have the sense ta walk away, move on, find somethin’ better. Yeah, I probably could a tied myself ta the cocksucker an’ he still would a gone ahead an’ married Alma. Would a fucked her an’ made babies right while I was standin’ there, son of a bitch!
So now we’re here, man, both a us got families tyin’ us down. Only difference, I know when I done made a mistake. Ennis don’t see that right away … goin’ ta take some time, hope not too long a time. Fuck me, anyways, shouldn’t a waited four years. No sir, goin’ ta be hard bustin’ him out a four years a bad habits, that’s for sure. With them two little girls a his … goin’ ta be damned hard, ain’t it?
*
“Maybe I ain’t seen ya in a few years, Ennis, but ya know I ain’t forgot how your goddamn mind works. I ain’t forgot what it means when ya got that look on your face.”
Ennis glowers at Jack, his face changing from gloom to his “don’t fuck with me buddy” look. Ya don’t know how I really, really, really don’t want ta be fucked with! Ennis nearly trembles as his resentment at being abandoned by Jack builds. It happened once … is going to happen again, is happening now in fact. And his rage at himself for not being able to break away works its way to the surface. He blames Jack … he blames himself … he blames Jack … he doesn’t know who to blame anymore.
Damn, Jack thinks, better back off. Fucker’s really cranked today, ain’t he? After all that … man, that was fuckin’ fun last night, good as anythin’ we done the past few days! Shit, Ennis, makin’ me come in my own mouth …then ya comin’ all over my face an’ lickin’ it off … damn, boy, that was fuckin’ hot!
Despite the tension in the air, Jack’s face glows and his cock gets hard at the thought.
Ennis’ mind races as he thinks, ya wonder why I’m in a fuckin’ bad mood, do ya? Makin’ me fuckin’ say no ta that goddamn fucked-up ranch idea, Jack, an’ now you’re leavin’, an’ it looks like it’s me makin’ ya leave, don’t it? Just ‘cause I can’t leave my little girls, can’t just leave Alma like that. An’ fuck, I got ta think ‘bout all this now too. Goin’ ta be different than just thinkin’ ‘bout ya while I’m jerkin’ off, Jack, damn different. All these other things, these other complications ya fuckin’ brought up here with ya!
Better smoothe things out here, Jack decides. Can’t put up with this shit all the way back ta Riverton, that’s for sure. “Tell ya what, Ennis, didn’t mean ta piss ya off. Let’s say we forget this an’ just go get us some coffee, okay? Get us some breakfast up the road there?”
But Ennis is not thinking about coffee as he distractedly climbs into the passenger seat. How long is it goin’ ta be ‘fore I see ya again, Jack? We’re sayin’ six months. What if it’s another four years? What if it’s never? Fuck, can’t think ‘bout this … gives me a goddamn headache. Ennis sits there tensely, stares straight ahead.
Ain’t too many miles, but it’s goin’ ta be a fuckin’ long ride back ta Riverton, Jack thinks. Shifting into gear, he glances at Ennis, who is swallowing deeply, apparently trying to keep tears in check. Holy shit, Jack wonders, what the fuck have I done ta ya, Ennis? I know you’re solid, man, more solid than ya been actin’ the past few days. Fuck, I drag ya out a your miserable life an’ ya can’t deal with it … flyin’ off the handle ever’ time I turn ‘round. Jesus fuck, Ennis. I know what’s underneath there, I do. Hope I get ta see some a that strong Ennis, that good ol’ Ennis, come November. Shit, hope I see some a that Ennis by the time we hit Riverton, for chrissake. Jesus, Ennis, give me a fuckin’ break already!
*
Jack is about to put the truck in gear when he feels Ennis’ hand on his knee. Firmly on his knee. Ennis looks directly at him, the first time their eyes have met this morning. Ennis’ dark eyes are shiny, wet, intense, and his jaw is set. Goin’ ta take care a this right now, Jack … can’t stand it no more, can’t stand not knowin’ what ta think, whether I should be doin’ this or doin’ that. Ya come in ta town like this, Jack, an’ it just ain’t fair! I’m crazy in love with ya, an’ I can’t do nothin’ ‘bout it! But this ain’t a game, Jack, it’s my life! An’ maybe you’re right … maybe it ain’t worth livin’, least not like I been livin’ it.
Jack gulps—it’s that look. That look Ennis has when he is about to do something momentous … and unexpected. Oh fuck, Jack thinks.
“Jack, take those goddamn pants off right now,” Ennis commands him.
Jack looks at the other man blankly. What are ya talkin ‘bout, Ennis?
“Before I have ta do it myself. An’ I ain’t goin’ ta be nice ‘bout it!” Let’s get this goin’ ‘fore I change my mind … it’s the only way ta do this, I know it is. The only way ta finish up what you started, Jack.
Jack is stunned. What the fuck am I supposed ta say ta that? “Goddamn it, Ennis, I’m drivin’. Guys in trucks’ll be able ta see what’s goin’ on here!”
“Yeah, well, fuck ‘em, Jack. You’re goin’ away again, an’ I don’t fuckin’ care who don’t like what!” It ain’t goin’ ta matter, Jack. Ain’t goin’ ta matter at all, my … my darlin’ Jack.
I can’t believe you’re talkin’ like this, Ennis, Jack thinks. I just don’t get ya, motherfucker. Ya don’t even want us ta be seen in the same goddamn state together! But fuck all, I’m the one leavin’ town, so hell if I care. An’ I know better ‘n ta mess with ya right now, that’s for sure! Whatever it takes ta get back ta Riverton….
Jack pulls his boots off, undoes his brass rodeo buckle, unbuttons his jeans. Lifts his butt so Ennis can work them down past his hips. Jack is hard as can be by now, and Ennis darned near salivates once he gets the jeans past Jack’s thighs and that erection pops out. Ennis almost rips Jack’s trousers down the rest of the way … pulls a few leg hairs out along the way … and over his bare feet.
Even in his wildest imagination, and he’s known it to get wild, Jack has never found himself driving in the nude. Of course, he’s never driven with anyone who has asked him to. Or rather, demanded that he do it. Ennis means it, and Jack knows it. He kicks his jeans aside, bends down and pulls his boots back on. Don’t ever want to drive with bare feet, that much he knows, sure as hell not when you got a hard clutch. He’s half undressed, but it’s a warm spring day with the sun beating down, and he’s getting hot all the same. His feet sweat in his boots, his butt sweats against the ribbed vinyl seat. Even his balls are sweating now, no doubt in anticipation of whatever is about to happen. Ennis is staring intently at Jack’s cock.
Holy mother a god, hope I can pay attention to drivin’ while he’s doin’ whatever down there, Jack thinks with concern. But Jack’s on the road all the time, thinks he can do it. He barely has the truck in gear before Ennis has his nose in his pubic hair. This is goin’ ta be fuckin’ wild, Jack thinks. Ennis slips his mouth over Jack’s tumescent cock, begins moving his mouth up and down the shaft. There just ain’t never enough time, Jack thinks. But damn, ya wouldn’t know we just been fuckin’ like rabbits for three days, the way he’s goin’ at it!
Ennis is sucking Jack’s cock as a cattle truck barrels by in the other direction on the two-lane road. The truck slows down but Jack doesn’t, and by then the truck is but a speck in his rearview mirror. Fuckin’ maniac, Jack thinks about his lover. But goddamn that feels good! He glances down approvingly at Ennis’ bobbing head. Guess he’s apologizin’ for bein’ in a bad mood, Jack thinks. Damn strange … ain’t never done that before. Awful damn strange!
*
A whisp of Ennis’ breath caresses Jack’s scrotum, and his fingers play lightly across the goosebumps there. His tongue follows, lapping at the salty, wrinkled skin, tracing the outline of the firm testicles to the base of Jack’s penis, where the dark wiry hairs splay out. Jack arches up with pleasure, surprised by Ennis’ soft approach, quite different from their frequent ball-wrenching exercises. Ennis works his tongue back down toward that place behind Jack’s balls, and once he gets to the bottom of Jack’s scrotum again, the latter man holds Ennis’ head there with just a slight touch of the fingertips.
What is it? Jack wonders. Why do I want ta keep his face there? Ain’t ‘cause I’m wantin’ ta force him ta do nothin’ … it’s just so close ta … ta where I’m a man most, ta where I smell like a man most, maybe, I don’t know. Where it all comes from, anyway, the center a everthin’, those balls hangin’ down there. Hell, Ennis, ain’t nothin’ wrong with your suckin’ on my dick, boy, twistin’ my nipples, rackin’ my balls, fuckin’ an’ bruisin’ me real good, but this, man … this … “Oh, yeah,” Jack says, “right there, Ennis, just stay right there.” Sort a … sort a real special kind a lovin’, ain’t it? Ennis keeps his lips locked in a kiss down there, hardly has to move at all, and Jack’s erection throbs all the same, the shiny wetness dripping from the cleavage below his piss slit.
The bizarre conditions of the sex aside, Jack thinks, as he often does, Ennis, I do love ya. Ya know that, don’t ya? I don’t got ta say it, do I? I love ya, plain an’ simple … an’ it’s just so fuckin’ wonderful havin’ ya so close ta my manhood, trustin’ ya with my manhood like this. Just like you, means more ta me ‘n anythin’, ya know? Ain’t just my dick an’ stuff down there … but it’s inside a me, too, Ennis, somethin’ ya ain’t never goin’ ta see, but it’s there all the same. Ya sure do know that, don’t ya? Ya get that too ever’ time ya touch me, hell, most a the time when I’m just lookin’ at ya.
*
Jack tries to concentrate on the road ahead as Ennis’ tongue finds its way back up to the swelling head, licks the shiny drops out of his piss hole, darts his tongue down into the meaty slit there. This is important … and Ennis is determined to do it right. He’s going to make Jack feel real good, better than he’s ever felt before, Ennis hopes.
“Aw, shit, Ennis,” Jack sighs. “Aw, jesus, why ya makin’ me go back where I come from? Fuck, that feels so good.”
Ennis doesn’t know why he is letting Jack go back to Texas … no, why he is making Jack go back to Texas. It is his decision, his decision alone that there will be no ranch, no sweet life. No, no, no. Thanks to me, Ennis thinks, there will be no fuckin’ sweet life, just another bunch of negatives, voids, whatever. What am I doin’? he wonders in utter despair.
He sucks and sucks to forget, feels Jack’s penis throbbing in response, something for Ennis to focus on at the moment. Ennis wonders how it will go when he makes Jack come. He’s pretty damned sure a man can’t shoot off and drive at the same time. Doesn’t know firsthand of it ever happening one way or the other, but he’s got a good idea. A pretty damned good idea.
Which way will Jack veer off the road?
*
Ennis has toyed with his own cock while driving home from work, sometimes only through denim, massaging the sizable bulge there, has felt the first slick but never has gotten even close to coming. Never while moving. If he feels like going all the way—and he often does—he pulls off the road well out of sight. He knows he’ll just be too tired by the time Alma comes to bed, doesn’t have a whole lot of interest there anyway these days. Just sits there in the truck, closes his eyes, thinks of Jack, strokes his shaft until he can’t stop it, and spurts the hot liquid into his other hand. Wipes it off on an old rag he keeps around for that reason. The rag is stiff with his cum, but it still serves its purpose.
*
His mouth still sliding up and down on Jack’s cock, Ennis’ fingers stroke their way up the patch of hair between Jack’s penis and belly button, reach the finer layer of dark hair that covers Jack’s chest. Ennis finds one of Jack’s erect nipples, ever so tenderly brushes his fingers across it, transfers the electric sensations from nipple to penis and back. Ennis knows how much Jack likes that, and Jack shivers with pleasure.
This’ll be the last time, Ennis thinks. No need ta be brutal with this man I adore … I love ya so much, Jack … we ought ta go gentle, real gentle….
“Christ. Ennis, maybe this ain’t … well, right now … ya know, I’m tryin’ ta drive … oh, fuck! Do that again.…” Jack lowers one hand to push Ennis’ head into his groin. “Ah, jesus fuck, Ennis. Fuck, man….” Jack wants to close his eyes, just lie back and let Ennis do what he will. But they’re supposed to be on the road—moving. Have to get Ennis back to Alma, the girls, his job. Jack keeps his eyes on the road, one hand on the steering wheel—no shifting needed on the highway, thank god, but the strong wind requires some attention—his other hand alternately stroking Ennis’ hair and pushing his head into his crotch.
Jack raises his hips from the seat as he pumps into Ennis’ mouth, wanting Ennis to devour him, if that were possible. Devour him so he would never have to leave this man behind.
What have I done to deserve this special goodbye? Jack wonders.
*
Ennis swiftly takes Jack’s cock all the way to the balls. He knows what that does to Jack … he knows all too well … and it is all the other man can do not to jump right out of the driver’s seat.
Ennis, fuck, Ennis,” Jack gasps. Have ya forgotten what that does ta me, Ennis? “Can’t drive … can’t let you … goddamn it, got ta pull over now!” He almost veers into the next oncoming truck. It’s that on one side or the cliff on the other.
Ennis resists. They can crash into the mountainside or the truck … doesn’t’ matter. Jack will die happy. No more decisions for he himself to make. Ugly decisions. Decisions that he knows are going to hurt him and those he loves. He and Jack will be together. Forever … just like they both want. Ennis is desperate, inconsolable. Eyes closed, he continues deep-throating his lover, his expert mouth working every inch of Jack’s penis so intimately, praying for an orgasm … praying for that release … and another kind of explosion.
Jack slows down and pulls into the next clearing.
He is breathless, flushed, panicked … was about to hit that point … that point of inevitability where a man’s cock takes over. Driven by the imminent pleasure, by the natural urgency to ejaculate, he can’t go back … a man can’t go back even if his life depends on it. Jack stops thrusting his cock, but Ennis’ head frantically bobs up and down as he tries to make Jack come now, now, now, goddamn it! Until Jack says something, Ennis doesn’t realize they are not on the road anymore, that Jack has stopped the truck.
Jack is frightened, knows something is very wrong. “Ennis, what the fuck are ya doin’? Have ya gone crazy on me? What the goddamn fuck?” Got ta get away from him, but damn, ain’t much room here, is there? Motherfuck … he ain’t lettin’ go … got my dick in his mouth like it’s some kind a baby’s pacifier. Shit!
Jack looks with astonishment at this spectacle. I ain’t really seein’ this, he tells himself. What the fuck is he doin’ down there?
“Ennis, I ain’t even hard no more. Get out a there already!” Never thought he’d say anything like that to Ennis, but damn. Ennis doesn’t look up until Jack finally forces the other man’s face up from his groin. Jesus christ … oh, jesus fuckin’ christ. Son of a bitch is cryin’, cryin’ like a goddamn baby! What the fuck? Indeed, Ennis’ face is all red and wet from saliva and precum and tears, now humiliation too. He cries uncontrollably, blindly reaches out for Jack, finds his waist, rests his face against Jack’s stomach. “Oh, Jack,” he sobs, “oh, Jack. I … Jack, I tried ta … ya know … we’d be together, Jack … forever … oh my god … oh my god….”
The enormity of what he has just tried to do strikes Ennis, and he grips Jack desperately as he cries. What … what … oh christ, no, I didn’t … oh no. Oh, Jack. Was doin’ it only ‘cause … ‘cause I love ya, Jack! Ya got ta believe me. It feels so good holdin’ ya, please hold me, too. “Don’t want ta let ya go. Please. Hold me, Jack. … I can’t stand it, can’t stand it no more! You’re goin’ away, Jack, you’re leavin’ me … leavin’. How am I goin’ ta carry on without ya? An’ I’m sendin’ ya away … all my fault, it’s all my fault, ain’t it? I can’t do it, Jack, I can’t.”
Oh fuck, Jack thinks. Holy fuck, what is goin’ on here, what is he talkin’ about? “Ennis, Ennis … darlin’”—he has never used such an endearment with this man, wonders if he’ll take a punch in the face for it—“my sweet darlin’ Ennis. It’s all right.” His paternal instincts take over, and he tenderly strokes Ennis’ hair. “It’s all right.”
Jesus, this is a hell of a sight, Jack thinks. He’s cryin’ all over the place an’ I’m fuckin’ drippin’ all over the place. Well, jesus, Ennis Del Mar, jesus christ, ya really got me goin’, goddamn ya!
“Jack, your skin … your warm skin. I just want ta stay here, Jack, just like this. You’re talkin’ so soft, Jack, like ya do sometimes … I love ya ta talk soft.” Ahh … this is like mama used ta do. Just like mama used ta do when I got scared. She used ta pet my hair, too. “Mama … she called me darlin’, Jack, did ya know that? Mama called me little darlin’, ‘fore she died. Last time anyone called me that, ya know?”
Jack swallows deeply. He’s not sure he has ever seen this Ennis at all, and he knows full well that if he hasn’t, then no one has. He continues stroking his lover’s hair.
“I didn’t want ‘em ta leave, ya know … just like a kid, ya know, don’t even remember why … just bein’ a pain in the neck or somethin’. Mama said, ‘Don’t ya worry, Ennis, my little darlin’, we ain’t goin’ ta be gone but a few hours. How ‘bout we bring ya back a nice treat, huh?’ Tell ya what, Jack, they never come back … never come back at all. Ain’t never got that treat, neither, like she promised.” He says that ruefully, as though that betrayal hurt him more than his parents’ deaths.
On a few occasions that summer on Brokeback, Ennis mentioned his parents’ death in a sort of matter-of-fact manner. They went off the road … they didn’t leave us nothin’ but twenty-five dollars an’ a foreclosed ranch … the like. He has never summoned up either parent in such a personal, emotional way, has never shared the depth of his bereavement, and Jack knows now that Ennis has held it in all these years.
“Aw fuck, Ennis. Goddamn it, ya got me cryin’ now … can’t hear ‘bout your mama … damn it, your dead mama … callin’ ya darlin’, Ennis.” Jesus, why’d I say that? Why the fuck did I have ta call ya darlin’, makin’ ya think ‘bout your mama? Poor thing died in a car crash, didn’t she … must a been such a shock ta ya, just a kid an’ all.
Seeing another man cry always makes Jack teary-eyed. It’s empathy, perhaps, but he also hates to see the man he loves hurting like this. Even if he has brought it upon himself. Upon them, whatever, with his “ya got ta stand it” attitude. But that’s Jack—ever generous, ever willing to wait for returns that may never come.
“It’s goin’ ta be okay, Ennis, everthin’ goin’ ta be all right, okay?” I’ll keep pettin’ his head like this, seems ta make him settle down a bit.
*
God, Ennis, ya really need me, don’t ya? Fuck … just thinkin’ ‘bout ya needin’ me, Ennis, needin’ me so bad … is gettin’ my dick all hard again. What the fuck? What the hell is goin’ on with us? Ya gone an’ fuckin’ confused me, friend. Bein’ in a bad mood an’ makin’ me drive naked an’ suckin’ on my dick like there’s no tomorrow an’ not hearin’ me tellin’ ya ta stop. Goddamn it, Ennis, ya gone fuckin’ crazy on me, ya son of a bitch, but I still love ya … just can’t help but love ya … just makes me get a fuckin’ boner when you’re close like this, when you’re layin’ on me an’ I ain’t got no pants on anyways.
He pulls Ennis up for a proper hug, as best as he can behind the steering wheel there.
His tears mingle with Ennis’ own. Just fuckin’ can’t believe this, Jack thinks. Here I am, sittin’ here naked as a jailbird with a boner, with wet balls an’ my dick drippin’ all over fuck knows where … from bein’ sucked on while I was drivin’ … and now both of us is cryin’ … an’ … aw, shit, it just don’t make no sense!
“Fuck it, Ennis, fuck it. Look, it’s okay, man. If ya want ta cry … need ta cry … just go ahead, okay. It’s just natural, ain’t it? Sometimes a man just got ta cry. I ain’t goin’ ta think no less a ya ‘cause of a few tears.” But I sure as fuck ain’t leavin’ town with ya bawlin’ like this, Jack decides.
Their sniffles mingle for a minute, until Jack clears his throat and regains his composure.
“Whatever got ya goin’, Ennis, it don’t matter, okay? Look at me, will ya?” He gently places his thumb under Ennis’ chin to raise his face. Ya fuckin’ big baby, Jack thinks, but not in a mean way. He loves this all-too-human Ennis, this boyish Ennis who needs other people, doesn’t see that too often, is simultaneously perplexed and aroused by this scenario in the truck.
Jack doesn’t know what Ennis just tried to do … and he never will.
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