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The Heartstring Symphony	By : Esequell Category: G through L > Legion Views: 1651 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Legion and I'm making no money from this fanfic.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
A/N – A canon divergence, mostly disregards Dominion, though I've used a couple of bits of info from it.
I loved the dynamic between the angels in Legion. I've always been a Paul Bettany fan, he just gives such strong, engaging performances, but Kevin Durand's portrayal of Gabriel really stuck with me for ages after I saw the film. He has so much emotion in his eyes, he just looks so raw and natural so this story was really inspired by his performance. A bit of trivia - I actually watched The Strain recently, (Durand plays a Vasiliy Fet, a vampire hunter) and I've tried to humanise Gabriel a bit based on Fet. I thought Gabriel would look good a bit more modern, with more of a sense of wit and irony, and more of an internal dialogue and perhaps a few sins under his belt for experience. Let me know what you think ;) Reviews always help a writer's motivation!
Obviously, I don't own Legion, or I'd be incredibly rich, and I'm not making any money from this fanfic.

1 The Old Serviceman
Gabriel bent double, his knees in the Mojave dirt, his nose almost touching the ground. His belly was open from hip to navel. The cut wasn't deep enough to kill him but it hurt so much that he struggled to catch his breath. Hot, abrasive sand woven into a storm by the wings of the passing pestilence worked under his armoured feathers like a burning dirt bath. Gabriel understood that fire could be cleansing, but he still felt dirty inside and out, sweaty and broken. And dark. He hadn't felt so bad in so long and it frightened him.
Irritating sweat tickled down his spine to dampen the waistband of his black buckskin trousers. His armour was too heavy, his wings burned, his mouth was dry.
Then his collar released with a sudden click and thumped the sand. He whimpered, grasping a fistful of insert, useless dirt. The loss of his connection to God hurt more than the cut or the hole through his shoulder. More than his belly flop fall from the cliff with the prophet on his back. Gabriel ached, body and soul. God's rejection felt like a skewer through the tender meat of his heart.
Daring to separate his fingers from the wound, he saw the bleeding had stopped but the local muscles were achy, loose and numb. He needed fire and a place to regenerate but he was so, so tired.
'Father?' he breathed. Nothing. 'Father!' he yelled.
He was deaf to the Word. God had abandoned him. Gabriel felt as though the core of his innocent heart was plunged into ice water.
His temple touched the fallen collar, still warm with his body heat. His eyes burned. His deadly feathers skimmed the dirt because he was too tired to hold them up. Rolling his head to one side he saw the twisted wreck of steel and plastic he'd made in his hunt for the infant saviour.
A child, he realised with sudden, ugly clarity. A mere baby. Gabriel wasn't sure when he'd become so cold. It disturbed him in a visceral way, making him feel like all his strength and skill was useless. He'd never questioned God's commands before but he was surprised that he didn't feel proud of himself. He felt numb.
He'd never felt his own weight so keenly, or been so tired he couldn't hold up his wings. Nauseated and dizzy, he swallowed compulsively until the urge to vomit went away. Forcing his trembling legs to bear his weight, he stumbled towards the upside down car. The rear window was spattered with blood. Gabriel wondered if it was his own. Bending painfully, he tugged a folded tartan blanket off the back seat and tied it around his waist as the wind brought him an unexpected whiff of living skin and the last vestige of a floral perfume over feminine, citrus sweat.
There was an empty, hollow ditch where a body had lain recently and a trail that lead him to the shadow of the car. A slim, stunning girl lay there in a ripped mini skirt. Her corset top barely covered her cleavage - not much to speak of - but she had the narrow waist and flared hips that occasionally stoked his desire for mortal women.
Gabriel felt a tingle of recognition as his shell-shocked brain pieced together the events of the chase. She'd been in the back seat of the car. She'd wrapped her skinny arms around his throat as he grappled for the baby. He'd been so preoccupied with the saviour that he'd taken her for dead when they stopped rolling. He felt a surge of relief and gratitude for his own carelessness.
Audrey. He felt a sudden kindling of hope. He knew everyone's name, it was one of his divine gifts. Perhaps he hadn't lost all his grace after all.
'You. Girl,' he lifted his chin at her. 'Audrey. I need your help and you need mine.'
She scrambled back, kicking up loose sand as she staggered to her feet, her face melting in terror. Her high heels were broken, her cheekbone was split and bruised, purple like her eye socket. He remembered backhanding her in the car.
'Wait,' he called. There were grazes all over her legs. Gabriel's mouth went dry. She couldn't be more than seventeen but he smelled the subtle waft of a mans smoky aftershave on her. He spied a coat laying in the dirt and wondered if it belonged to her lover.
'No, no, no-' she whimpered, staggering away.
'Stop,' Gabriel commanded, unused to being ignored. 'Damn it, girl, I said stop!'
Following the tangy trail of her adrenaline, he could hear her heart racing furiously. She twisted in her pathetically slow attempt to see if he was following and sobbed when she found him right behind her.
'No!' she screamed, when he grabbed her shoulder.
'Calm down,' he commanded. 'I'm not going to hurt you.'
'Please, please-' she was begging, fumbling with something near her waist. He looked down.
'Get the fuck away from me!' she spun, brandishing a switchblade.
Gabriel felt like he'd walked head first into sheet glass or been thumped with his own mace. Gods light shone behind her eyes. He wanted to grab her and kiss both her cheeks, and tell her how good it was to see that light. Maybe he wasn't abandoned after all.
'I'll kill you,' she said coldly, waving the blade demonstratively. Gabriel released her, swaying, regretting the loss of her for balance.
'Easy,' he said gently. He wanted her calm, and unarmed. He held up the one hand that wasn't clutching his belly wound. 'It's OK,' he tried, keeping his voice gentle.
'I don't know what you are,' she was crying, 'And I don't give a shit. Stay the fuck away from me!'
'I won't hurt you. I swear it. Give me the blade, girl, before you hurt yourself.'
Audrey laughed coldly, but her smile turned into a grimace and she sobbed. She reminded him of a wild rabbit in a snare, tightening the noose in panic.
'Now,' he insisted, holding out his hand.
'No!' she shrieked, taking a wild slash at him but she was unpractised and slow. Gabriel snatched her fragile wrist with a savage swipe and squeezed the nerve beside the artery until her hand went numb. Pocketing the blade for safe keeping, he grunted in surprise and irritation when she scratched at his bare arms, twisting to try and break his grip. When he didn't let go, she clawed at his face. Fearing the loss of an eye, he shook her loose with a huff, grabbing her round the body. With a forearm braced under her chin and the other gripping his own wrist, she struggled and choked, clinging to his wristguards.
Her tears cut through his armour like no blade could, made his heart hurt and his throat tighten. There were cool tears on his cheeks. He couldn't remember crying them. His memory was addled just like his eyesight and he sensed a crawling, creeping coldness moving through his body. He'd lost too much blood. Something flipped uncomfortably in his belly and he wasn't sure if it was the wound or his guilt.
He didn't like to hurt a woman, even under orders. Most hardly presented a real fight, and it felt dishonourable.
'You're hurting me!' she sobbed. She had a stringy sort of strength to her but she was nothing next to his specialised, lightweight muscle and reinforced bones.
'Forgive me,' he loosened his hold on her throat by a fraction and let her breathe. 'You try to cut me and you wonder why I fight back. Hmm? You understand? We could help each other. But if you take my eye out with your claws, I'll take one of yours. Fair's fair, Audrey.'
She sagged.
'If you promise to behave I'll let you go,' he said.
Audrey choked; 'I promise.'
'A promise to an archangel is binding.'
'I...I promise,' she nodded. Gabriel released her, transferring his hands to her shoulders and she sank to her knees at his feet, clutching her throat. She threw up in the dirt.
What a sad and pathetic picture, he thought. A girl still young enough to call her father Daddy, trembling in the dirt at his feet with her wild, long hair cascading over creamy skin. He didn't like it. His job description was simple enough, but not his long hidden feelings towards the darker tasks he was asked for perform. He didn't want to hurt her.
'Just do it,' she sobbed suddenly, rocking with her arms around her body.
'Do what?' he grunted, exhausted.
'Just kill me!' she yelled furiously, turning her face up to him.
'If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't stand here talking about it.'
She frowned.
'But before...you tried-'
Gabriel swayed. A breeze caressed the back of his head, providing slight relief. It freshened and woke him. 'You weren't my target. We should go. We're too exposed here.'
'We?' Audrey turned to study him more closely, wiping at the corners of her eyes.
'Do you want to live?' Gabriel asked, the soldier in him rearing his head.
'Y-Yes.'
'Then come with me,' he said, offering his hand.
'Back to the diner?'
'No,' he said. 'The diner's gone. Burned. The towns will be under gang law by now, if they have any at all. Check the car. My brother is usually prepared.'
Audrey shook her head at him. 'Why should I trust you?'
'Because I didn't kill you,' he pointed to her throat.
He saw her shudder and nod.
'I think there's a tarp in the trunk!' she volunteered.
oOo
Since the crash, Audrey couldn't keep her hands from shaking. In the car they found a folded blue tarp, a coil of nylon rope and a multipack of bottled water, along with two spare blankets stashed under the seats and a chunk of flint. Digging deeper, Audrey turned up a pack of protein bars. It was a lot more than she expected and that gave her some hope. Maybe Michael had known something like this would happen, or maybe the previous owner was a survival freak.
At the foot of a rocky hill, they tied the tarp between four big rocks where they were sheltered on three sides from the wind. Audrey wondered if there might be a dry creek nearby, or perhaps a riverbed within walking distance because their water wouldn't last long.
Gabriel collapsed on the sand with his monstrous palm covering his belly. Audrey felt the weight of his attention.
He's going to die, she thought, undecided whether that was good or bad. She wondered if she'd survive out here alone. There wouldn't be a rescue. Noone knew where she was, and who'd care in the middle of the apocalypse?
She dug out shallow pit with a dry stick and placed rocks around it to keep the wind off. Then she built up twigs ready to receive a flame. Sensing Gabriel watching her, she squirmed in her skin.
'How do you know what to do?' he asked, his voice a velvet stroking, as much a feeling as a sound. It had a curious depth and warmth to it that she found hypnotising. She shrugged uncomfortably.
'My Mom was all into extra curricular activities, so I decided to learn something useful. Survival. But I quit after eight weeks.'
'Eight weeks might be better than nothing,' he said, his lips lifting into a hint of a smile.
Audrey eyed him nervously. He was the tallest, broadest man she'd ever met. His folded wings reminded her of the birds of prey Grandpa kept. She could almost forget they were real until they moved. His mace was within arms reach and she could see he was strong, arms as thick as her thighs. There was a dagger at his waist too.
'I need that,' she pointed to it.
His lips lifted further. She didn't like the way he seemed to be laughing at her.
He shook his head. 'I don't think so.'
She held out the flint. 'You do it then. We need a spark.'
The knife hissed free of its sheath. Audrey swallowed hard. He had a vibe about him that was all sharp, focused attention. His pale blue eyes were deeper than an ocean trench.
Audrey caught the spark on a bed of thin, dry scrub and transferred it into the fire. She fed it small twigs, wiping her clammy hands on her mini skirt. She wished she'd worn something with more coverage now that the sun was roasting her alive.
'We're going to need more to burn,' she said. 'This won't last all night.'
'Mmm,' he nodded his agreement. 'Later. Help me with this,' he said, untying the knotted blanket. He used the tip of his dagger to slit open the fabric that covered his belly. Heis face turned white. 'Shit,' he whispered.
Audrey almost laughed at the archangel who cursed, but then she saw his belly was an open red smile. Her stomach rolled she felt like she'd pass out. Gabriel beckoned her closer. Any other time, Audrey would have looked twice in interest at big shoulders and a six pack, but Gabriel terrified her.
Would he take revenge on her if she refused to help? Suddenly her throat was full of sick. She staggered away and threw up between the rocks, breathing the scent of heat and dust, the sun on her back. The stone was rough and dusty under her hands. She went back trembling, afraid to touch him and more afraid of what he'd do if she didn't.
'It-It's deep,' her voice shook as she spread her hands helplessly. 'I don't know what to do.'
Gabriel spread one wing. Audrey startled, terrified he meant to cut her open with his razor feathers but he stopped her with a raised hand.
'Easy,' he said softly, as he plucked a feather and handed it to her. 'Set fire to that and rub the ash into the wound.'
'What good will that do?'
'Do it,' he commanded sharply, making her jump. 'Quickly,' he said more softly, and it felt like a sort of apology.
Audrey was wary of sharp edges but the feather was actually very soft. Afraid that if she didn't help, God would send her to hell, Audrey took a shaky, steadying breath and lit the feather. As it combusted, she rushed back to him and poured the ash into the wound. He grunted and hissed in pain, grabbing the dirt in those massive fists. Audrey didnt want to be so close to him. She wanted to shrink away in fear.
In her mind she could still see him in the diner door, backed by light, his wings spread, the mace hefted over Jeep's head.
'Squeeze it closed,' he commanded.
Wincing in horror, Audrey did her best. His deadly feathers twitched convulsively. Then his skin mended, the cut disappeared and he sagged.
'Jesus!' she cried. 'How...how the hell did you do that!?'
Gabriel rolled over with a hiss of discomfort and Audrey scrambled back, kicking up sand to keep out of his reach. She'd found foolish courage when he was hurt, but now she felt like a child at the feet of an angry God. Cold fear racing over her skin. She knew she couldn't run. There was nowhere to go. His shadow covered her, but he was trembling and breathing hard.
He's tired, she realised. Exhausted.
Gabriel's gaze was half curious, half wary as he unbuckled his armour and shrugged it onto the sand. She felt like he was measuring her. Audrey saw the half inch hole in his chest went all the way through. He handed her another feather. She pressed the ash to the entry and exit wounds. His skin was clammy, but under that she could feel his heart thumping and his deeper warmth. It made him more real to her.
'Thank you,' he rumbled, turning her head to look at her face. 'I'm sorry for that,' he gestured to her bruised skull with his bunched fist. 'Must hurt. Let me help.'
He bent his head and kissed her broken cheek and suddenly, the pain in her head just stopped. he cuts and grazes on her legs closed instantly, the pain ebbing away. Audrey cringed in shame, feeling as though he'd picked the wrong person to bestow his gifts on. She didn't want to look at him, not even into his eyes which were by far his gentlest feature. She couldn't stop herself remembering all the terrible things she'd done. He hadn't asked about any of it, but he must know. Suddenly she couldn't get enough air.
He made a noise of surprise as she bent forwards.
'Audrey?'
She shook her head vehemently. She didn't want to see him. She wanted to forget angels were real.
'Breathe, Audrey.'
'I can't-' she keened.
'Don't be afraid,' his voice was soft. He put his huge hand on the back of her neck and began to rub. She squeaked, shrinking in fear until she realised he wasn't about to snap her neck. He was trying to comfort her.
'Breathe, make it steady,' he commanded, an edge to his voice she found hard to disobey. 'Breathe slowly,' he encouraged, his voice vibrating in her bones, his shadow cool.
She couldn't breathe. Her chest burned.
'I don't want to die!' she wept.
'Don't be afraid. You gave me your promise and I give you mine. We're not going to hurt each other. Right?'
She managed to nod.
His eyes were clear, deep and beautiful, like open water reflecting pure skies. Audrey felt her body start to relax. A trickle of air reached her lungs and she clung to that relief and the sensation that caused it.
'I need to rest,' he said, peeling away from her to pull his shirt back on. He collapsed in the sand. Audrey watched him for a long time. He stared straight up while a tear tracking down to wet his ear. He blinked the next one away.
'W-Why didn't you go home?' she whispered, not sure if he'd answer.
'Because I failed,' he breathed, sounding strangely broken. Audrey almost felt for him. Another of those droplets escaped to wet his hair. 'So He cast me down.'
Audrey didn't know what to say.
oOo
Audrey curled in the foetal position at the edge of the tarp, just behind the line of shadow. She was so hot, her mouth dry, nauseous even though she had nothing left in her stomach to bring up. She could smell the wavering heat, which she knew from the long range forecast days ago was higher than average for this time of year. She watching Gabriel compulsively, afraid he'd get up and take her by surprise but he lay unconscious, his limp hand covering the sealed belly wound protectively, his dark head pillowed on his biceps.
Sweat beaded on his forehead and it made her worry he'd go into shock. His eyelids flickering occasionally as though he was dreaming. Did angels dream? She wasn't sure.
Alone with her thoughts, she wanted to escape them. She thought of exploring a bit, maybe try and find a riverbed and see if she could dig up any water on the outer bends, where gravity tended to push moisture into the soil. She worried about what would happen when their bottled supply ran out.
The sun roasted the open sand, leeching all the green and moisture from the sparse, low-lying shrubs and occasional cacti. The dry soil seemed to stretch on forever, like a frustrating level in a game you can't get out of without a magic spell. This wasn't a game but the mental image took some of the sting out of her current reality, and made it seem unreal and safe.
It wouldn't be safe to walk around until the temperature dropped off later.
Audrey tried not to think about her Mom and Dad but in the quiet, she didn't have a distraction, and she started to remember. She'd run away so many times but she always knew she could go home. Audrey rocked on the spot, feeling the awful, brand-new tearing as their souls separated from her life. The grief of sudden loss darkened the world inside and out and tears of rage and fear clawed at the back of her throat with acid fingernails.
Gabriel mumbled and slurred in his sleep. Audrey wasn't sure what to do for him. She'd never imagined an archangel could get sick and when the trick with the feather had closed his wound, she'd figured that was the end of it.
She felt she suddenly had a greater responsibility for his life than she wanted to bear.
She'd have to gather whatever she could to feed the fire overnight. Then she'd be thirsty from the walk and the bottles were going down fast. Audrey weighed her chances of death by hypothermia versus dehydration and concluded they were equally likely.
She figured she could persuade the angel to share body heat but even that might not be enough, and she wasn't sure he'd live long enough for that anyway. She didn't want to be alone out here and imagining it put a knot of dread in her stomach.
'Michael!' Gabriel moaned deliriously.
A huge shiver raced through Audrey. She'd never make it alone. She unfurled one of the blankets and approached Gabriel from his head, thinking she was less likely to get sliced that way. She threw it over his prone body and crouched warily to look at his face. He was white.
She debated waking him, maybe he'd know more about what to do, but he twitched and came to with a groan without her help.
'Are you OK?' she asked.
'Water,' he flung out a hand, which thumped the sand.
Audrey fetched a fresh bottle.
'Here,' she held it out, but he shook his head. In his ocean eyes, Audrey saw a war was being waged, though she couldn't quite name the players. Taking the initiative, she unscrewed the bottle cap and knelt in the sand.
'I have to do this for you, don't I?' she asked even though she already knew the answer. Tentatively, she touched his burning forehead. 'Shit. You're burning up. Look...just make sure you keep your razor feathers away from me, OK?'
He nodded. Audrey lifted his head into her lap but it was much heavier than she expected. It made her feel more alone to think that she wouldn't even be able to roll him into his grave. She put her hand under his stubbly chin to help him drink like she'd done with her little brother so many years ago. Thinking about it now, in the light of everything that had happened, Audrey wanted to cry about John's death all over again.
Gabriel's hair was soft on her bare legs.
'My head is pounding,' he groused. 'Like a night in Hell.'
Audrey nodded sympathetically, sipping the water herself. She was starting to feel the first signs of dehydration too, and beginning to wonder if they were going to make it out of this mess at all. She offered him the bottle neck again but he shook his head weakly.
Audrey stared blankly at the distant scrub land, wide and flat, unbroken by anything but rocks and desiccated old trees bent double by the pressure of regular sandstorms. Their roots had to go deep, she thought, to provide water here. Perhaps there was an underground river somewhere nearby.
She fazed out of reality and into a memory, where John lay on his back in bed, covered by one of those awful, crochet yellow hospital blankets. His skin was waxy white and he'd lost so much weight she could see the shape of his skull, the shadows around his sunken eyes.
Her breath hitched. Her tears dropped onto Gabriel's face and he opened his eyes to look at her.
'Sorry,' she whispered to him, stroking them out of his hair. She couldn't be sure but she felt there was compassion in his face and it gave her a bit of strength.
'I'm going to try and find more water before we run out,' she said, lowering his skull.
Audrey dug with a stick in a tiny, dried stream which wound through the base of the rocky hill that sheltered them, but it was as dry as the soil. There must have been no rain for so long that the sun grew thirsty, and drank the earth dry. She stared up at the distant sky, frustrated, her head hurting. They had less than three days before they ran out of water, and the sky was empty. No God. No angels to come to her rescue, or Gabriel's. Audrey wondered what sort of creatures would let their own brother die like this.
'You could help,' she whispered, as a passing cloud morphed into a bunny and the desert filled her lungs with a hot, uncomfortably sandy breeze. 'But you won't. Nothing fucking new there.'
Audrey spied a moist crevasse in the split where one man-sized rock had fractured from repeated exposure to heat and cold. There were no drips but it was damp in there, and Audrey wondered if the rocks held moisture. She went back to the tarp and fetched an empty plastic bottle.
Ripping a strip off the blanket hurt her fingers but she couldn't tear the rope, and she wanted to be sure the bottle wouldn't fall off and waste what water it collected, so she reached for Gabriel's sheathed dagger to cut the nylon.
He woke up with a start, grabbing her arm so hard she thought he'd break it. 'I just need to cut this!' she held up the blue nylon rope desperately.
He let go. Audrey snatched her arm away with a huff, cradling it to her chest.
'Will you take a fucking chill pill!' she yelled at him, taking the dagger. She slit the rope, then slid the blade back into its sheath. 'Jesus,' she hissed as she rubbed her forearm. A bruise was already rising. 'Asshole.'
Audrey stuffed one end of the blanket strip into the bottle neck, and picked the rope fibres apart to tie around the neck as best she could, in the hope it would keep the bottle attached. Then she poked the strip into the crevasse and jamming the neck in too, hoped it would wick enough moisture into the bottle to provide a drink, until they found a better source.
She wished she could just take off her broken shoes but she was worried about scorpions so she hobbled as far as she could, picking up anything that would burn. Returning to the tarp, she dumped the dry grass and scrub and the few bits of wood she'd found next to the fire. Gabriel was asleep again.
He's like a damn pit-bull, she thought privately. God's attack dog. Though maybe not anymore, she reminded herself. If they wanted him back, he'd already be gone.
'Michael!' he moaned suddenly, rolling onto his back with his huge wings spread in the sand. He looked like a fallen black swan. Audrey could see the heavy, long bones in the underside of his wing and the light pulse of a vein closer to his ribs. That really brought home the fact he was alive, not just a vision or guy with paper wings tied to his back. She wasn't sure how to feel about that, whether to find his extra limbs interesting or horrible.
His long flight feathers glinted with some sort of razor metal coating and Audrey could almost see the blood dripping off them.
Horrible, she decided, even as a weird feeling of recognition rose under her breastbone. She felt like she was lying to herself. She'd always believed angels were there to help people, always thought this one in particular was a gentle, loving force against the power of evil. Any faith she had was being perverted by this experience, and it was so typical that she had to lose faith now, when she needed it most.
She shivered. The sun was going down and Audrey didn't want to face the night alone. Huddling under the coat she'd found at the diner and the last blanket, she listened to Gabriel repeat the same name over and over. He's definitely dreaming, she thought, though in fairness it looks more like a nightmare.
'He's not here!' she finally called, frustrated.
He didn't stop. Audrey went closer, avoiding his feathers to sit by his head. She touched his hair lightly.
'Stop it,' she commanded him. 'If he gave half a shit about either of us, he'd already be here!'
She knew it was mean, but she didn't have any more faith left in God, or Michael, or the creature sprawled on the sand in front of her. She glanced at the dying light, afraid and cold.
oOo
Audrey checked the dark desert compulsively. She missed her Ipod, her laptop, the TV. She missed noise and electric light to chase away her atavistic fear of darkness. The desert made so much noise at night and it terrified her. Afraid to move, afraid to breathe or make any noise that might give away her presence, she wanted to curl up in a cloistered hole and breathe shallowly until dawn.
She jumped at every little noise, her throat full of frightened tears. The stars came out but they didn't offer much light and the shadows on the ground played havoc with her imagination. The weight of the wild bore down on her and she felt reminded of the reality of her situation. She retreated to sit near Gabriel's head, less afraid of his feathers than she was of the dark.
'Michael!' Gabriel moaned, twitching in his sleep.
'Shelter, water, food,' she whispered to herself. She heard the yipping communication of a coyote pack and felt like there were eyes all around. 'Panic kills more people in the desert than starvation or thirst,' she repeated her lessons. 'Most people can go three weeks without food, but only three days without water. Your weapon is your brain,' she clutched the knife. 'My weapon is my brain,' she was crying again. The night offered up its horrors. Every click was a claw. Every hiss and stirring of the sand was Pinhead. Every flutter was a vampire.
'Weapon is your brain...' Audrey's gaze slid sideways to track a glittering light that appeared in her peripheral vision. She stopped breathing, realising it was a pair of reflective eyes, hovering in the middle distance, watching her.
She froze in terror, feeling like the old lady had just bitten out her Dad's throat, then climbed the wall again. People in the movies always did something. They cursed or they screamed, or fought or ran. Audrey couldn't even move.
The glowing eyes cackled wildly and Audrey's mouth went dry as death. They inched closer, revealing hairy dog faces in dissipated firelight. Audrey closed her eyes and wished them away. As one passed between the tarp and the fire, casting an enormous shadow, Audrey went hot with anger. She scrambled for the fire, dragged out a burning branch and swung it at them.
'Get the fuck away from me!' she screamed, jabbing the glowing tip at their distant eyes, Gabriel's knife clutched to her chest. One dared to put a paw in the light and Audrey lunged at it, catching its rump with the brand. It yelped in pain and fled with its pack, their calls fading.
Audrey dropped to her knees and cried while Gabriel slept on feverishly.
oOo
When Audrey woke up it was light and she couldn't remember going to sleep. Her fingertips were still wrapped around the branch, though it had gone out long ago, leaving a small melted hole in the fire retardant blanket. She was already sweating. She closed her eyes, wondering if she could lay there forever, curled around the archangel's knife, but her desire to stay there and die withered when Gabriel's wing thumped down on her back so hard that she yelped in pain.
Pinned under its incredible strength, she thought; he's awake and he's trying to kill me.
Then suddenly it lifted and Audrey scrambled up. His fever had worsened. His face was covered in dry tears and the blanket was soaked with sweat. Audrey smoothed his hair.
'Gabriel?'
He moaned but didn't open his eyes. She pulled the blanket off, mumbling an apology and took it outside to dry in the sun.
There were more clouds than yesterday. Audrey hoped that meant rain, but she worried it might mean cold too. They had no cold weather clothing and the desert nighss were freezing. The thought of spending another one alone with nothing but a meagre fire and Gabriel's knife terrified her.
As the blanket dried, Audrey stood a short distance into the desert, surrounded by dry soil and rocks, hurt and helpless. She'd never felt so alone. Angry and afraid, she decided that if whatever monster the angels followed that passed for a God didn't want her to survive, she was going to just to piss him off.
'You fucking asshole!' she screamed at the sky. 'SHIT!'
The dirt compacted with a subtle whump under her knees. Audrey trembled. 'God is not dead,' she breathed, repeating a favourite quote. 'He just doesn't give a damn.'
oOo
'Please wake up,' Audrey pleaded softly with her fingertips in Gabriel's hair and her bare knees in the sand. She felt so weak. 'I don't want to be alone.'
She stayed by his head, stroking his hair, hoping. She knew the longer he stayed this way, the less likely it was he'd wake up.
'Please,' she tried. 'You can't let him win. He doesn't deserve to win.'
oOo
The sun went down, sinking in slow motion into the warm, violet haze. The temperature shelved off quickly, leaving Audrey shivering. She huddled as close to Gabriel as she dared. She'd gathered what she could in easy walking distance but it wouldn't last through the night. If they could make it close to dawn it might be enough.
The quiet ate away her courage, sapping her strength and resilience until she started to see visions of failure and dying alone. Desperate acid chewed at her heart and suddenly she wasn't so sure she could survive – or that she wanted to.
'Michael,' Gabriel murmured. Audrey rocked around his head. She'd buried the knife blade down in the sand for safe keeping, but she kept it close in case of incidents.
She felt like a traitor to her own species as she began to speak to God, ashamed that it had taken so little to break her promise to hate him.
'Help me,' she whispered, glancing anxiously into the darkness beyond the fire. 'Please.'
Audrey's tears dripped onto Gabriel's throat. His hair was cool, his skin clammy. His body heat gave her some rudimentary comfort but she needed a face, a voice, someone to share the night with. She couldn't endure this alone. She started to shake. Her skull pounded and she ached all over. She was broken, her heart and consciousness twisted into something wild and animal. She was too desperate to claim she'd do the right thing now.
Her breath fogged as the fire shrank. She brought the blankets and climbed under them, tucking her body against Gabriel's. She only moved once to feed the fire what scrub remained, and she watched it die. The coyotes called in the distance, filling her with fear.
She was almost asleep when Gabriel gasped and surged up, almost tipping her onto the floor, but at the last second, his burly arm tightened and he looked down at her, his breath fogging. Slowly he settled onto his back and wrapped both his arms around her. She quaked, her face pressed to his broad, muscled chest. He smelled like sweat and heat, sand and safety. She'd never imagined she'd take so much comfort from him, but his awakening made her feel a sliver of hope. She clung to it and to him, unashamed, just grateful he was alive.
Audrey woke up to find light streaming into their shelter. Her head hurt so much she thought it would split and she was alone in a pile of blankets. She rolled over, hearing movement. Gabriel bent over a new fire, his wings drooping low, his skin pale.
'Gabriel? Jesus Christ, I thought you were going to die,' she confessed.
'Not dead,' he approached with a bottle of water and gave her an exhausted smile that Audrey thought looked a little wry. 'Not yet, anyway.'
He offered the bottle but Audrey burst into tears instead and sobbed so hard into his lap that her ribs ached.
'I thought I was going to be all alone out here.'
'I felt you,' he said, gently stroking her hair. 'Heard you, too. I was alone...until you spoke to me,' he gave her the bottle again. 'Drink.'
Audrey forced herself to sit up and look at him. His shirt was loose and unfastened, his feathery wing joints rose and fell gently with his breaths. His eyes were full and deep.
The smell of meat roasting made her feel sick. Two skinless rabbits were over the fire, their speckled grey pelts drying on a rock in the sun.
'H-How did you catch those!?' she asked, suddenly starving.
'A lot of luck and a bit of cleverness,' he smiled. 'Come. We should eat.'
Gabriel put the cooked meat in her hands and suddenly the moist, pinkish flesh looked very good even though Audrey hadn't eaten meat in two years. Afterwards her stomach rebelled, churning and grinding until she had to lie down. The rabbit filled the hole in her belly but nothing could fix the hole in her heart. Gabriel tossed the bare bones away, wiped his chin on the back of his hand and joined her. Audrey could tell by how he flopped onto his back that he was exhausted.
'Are you OK?' she asked.
Silently he shook his head but he didn't elaborate and Audrey felt uncomfortable pressing him for details. His wing settled on his arm and his sigh disturbed the dust. She put her head down on the sand, watching the desert.
'It's so quiet,' she said after a minute. 'What I wouldn't give for TV right now.'
'It's not TV I miss,' he said quietly.
'Do angels even have TV?'
'No,' he admitted quietly. 'Your race alone can boast such indulgence,' he smiled.
oOo
A storm rose up that afternoon. Gabriel turned his back to it, his wings shielding them both from hot, abrasive wind that made Audrey's face sore. Huddled in his shadow, she was only a bit surprised when he took her hand, folding his fingers over her knuckles. She wondered if he was grateful not to be alone too.
Night fell and the storm raged on. There was no fire. They faced each other, his breath warm in her hair. Audrey knew his eyes were open because she could see a silver sickle of moonlight reflected off their moisture.
'Are you scared?' she asked, feeling as though her battered pride was unimportant now. He was all she had left.
'No,' he said. 'Not of the desert anyway. Or the storm. Of dying...of not seeing Father again. Yes.'
'Can't you just fly home? Apologise to him or something?'
Gabriel was quiet so long that Audrey wondered if he'd gone to sleep. 'I'm unwelcome in His house. He cast me down.'
'Why?'
'Because I obeyed His order to kill the child. Michael did not. Father was displeased with me.'
'Why would you do that? He was just a baby.'
'I'm an angel,' his hand trembled, surprising her. 'I obey. That's all I am. I never had another choice.'
'And yet you didn't kill me,' she said quietly. 'You had a choice then.'
'I wasn't sent for you.'
'I wish you had,' she said, tears spilling over. 'I don't want to be the only one left alive. I mean...I've broken every rule I could. I slept around just to spite my Mom. I never thought God would hurt me for that. But I was wrong,' she said bitterly.
'Once I'd have told you He loves you...but I don't know what the Father wants any more. For either of us. I've killed before in His name but I've never been punished for doing what I'm told. It's what He made me for. I'm just a soldier.'
The pressure hurt in her throat. Audrey shuffled forwards and wrapped her arms around Gabriel's neck. For a minute he kept perfectly still, then he enfolded her in both arms and buried his face in her hair. Audrey sobbed, for the hole in her heart where her Mom and Dad used to live, for the people she'd never see again, for the sliver of trust in God she'd lost.
He murmured in her ear, something about it being OK, how maybe He'd change His mind. Audrey wanted to say that she wouldn't care even if God got down on one knee to apologise to her, but she knew deep down it was a lie.
oOo
The storm had runs its course by daybreak, forming the sand into miniature dunes which Audrey trod down as she rounded the base of the hill, looking for somewhere out of sight to empty her bladder. In a sheltered alcove between two man-sized boulders, a clear little spring had come up from a fresh split in the rock. Water flowed into a tiny rivulet and wound its way into the desert. Already spots of green were emerging along its path. Gabriel knelt there, praying. A few days ago Audrey would have mocked him for that, but not anymore. She wasn't sure what to believe now.
He pressed his fist to his heart and opened his deep, soulful eyes. Audrey had the odd feeling that he really saw her in a way others didn't. Maybe he was more observant than most humans, she thought. She kind of liked it.
'Did you do this?' she asked as he straightened up. His fair skin was dirty with Mojave dust and the stubble on his chin made him look rugged and quite a bit older. It also brought out his piercing blue eyes and Audrey was struck suddenly by how beautiful Gabriel actually was.
'He wants us to live,' Gabriel said.
Audrey shook her head.
'How is this possible?'
'It doesn't matter,' Gabriel said, taking her hand. Audrey enjoyed the rough callouses on his palm. Logically, she knew that the fondness she was developing for him was just a symptom of their shared battle to survive but it felt like attraction, a more human connection. She felt safe when he was near, and unsafe when he wasn't and noone else had ever made her feel that strongly that she couldn't help but crave his affection.
'Do you still love him?' she asked. 'After everything he's done to you?'
Gabriel touched the ring of bare, white flesh at his throat and a strange, painful expression flashed over his face, which Audrey found fascinating. Suddenly she suffered the undeniable urge to get inside his head, to see what he'd seen and know what he knew. She wanted to hear the truth about angels and God. She thought that maybe if God would forgive Gabriel, he'd also forgive her sins.
'I love Him, yes,' he agreed. 'And I hate Him. I didn't know I could feel both at the same time.'
She couldn't help but smile because his ambivalence was so very human.
'That's pretty messed up for an angel.'
'He wouldn't approve,' Gabriel admitted.
'Yeah, well,' she snorted. 'Maybe he deserves it.'
Gabriel's wings rustled. The sharp edge of his feather touched the bare skin of her calf. Audrey stared at it. It was soft, not sharp.
'I thought those were made of razorblades or something,' she said nervously.
'They're made of His love,' Gabriel said evenly. 'They do His will. And mine. I do not want to cut you.'
Audrey felt the flush climb her face but she couldn't explain, even to herself, why such an innocuous comment could make her feel so self conscious.
oOo
Gabriel was still so tired from the fever that he struggled to fly, gliding low over the desert with his arms full of scrub and branches. His body had never felt so heavy before. He wasn't used to being this weak and he felt like the bulk and strength he'd always relied on to win his battles was now a weakness. He dropped the wood by their fire, relieved to be back on the ground where he could rest, but an uncomfortable feeling of premonition rose backwards up his spine like something with sharp feet. He could feel the presence of his angelic brethren.
Gabriel searched the sky as the first comets fell from the high, stark blue atmosphere, trailing black smoke.
Audrey came running between the boulders, tugging up her skirt. For a moment Gabriel saw her bare, pale hip and the sliver of naked flesh made him feel warm and needy in his belly. He wanted her. It had been such a long time since he'd wanted anyone.
'What's happening?' she asked anxiously, 'What are they? Asteroids?'
Gabriel watched the first one hit. He felt the shock wave a few seconds later as a heavy, bass vibration through the floor.
'No,' he said. 'Watchers. They are the angels who cleanse the worlds Father no longer wants.'
Audrey's bottom lip wobbled. She pointed to the spring.
'Why would he save us?' she asked angrily, 'Then just kill us?'
Gabriel shook his head, feeling helpless. He couldn't hear God's Voice anymore, so he didn't feel qualified to answer.
The comets banged like percussive, distant fireworks, sending up a low lying cloud of desert dust which covered the horizon yellow. Gabriel felt the heat on his face. He pulled Audrey between the rocks, where the spring water wicked up the hem of his trousers and soaked into his boot. He pulled her close, unsure if it was going to be the last chance he'd have to touch her smoothness and warmth.
'We're going to die, aren't we?' she asked.
Gabriel had faith in His plan, but a part of him still worried this was the end.
'If He wanted us dead, He wouldn't have given us water. Have faith.'
'I don't, though,' she said, her fingers tightening on his shirt. 'I don't have faith in anything.'
The sky darkened, the sun hid. In the half light Gabriel could see flames on the horizon like the suns corona. The wind brought the psychic waft of distant screams and Gabriel prayed Audrey wasn't sensitive enough to hear them. Little bits of broken stone danced in the sand to the beat of footsteps.
'What's that noise?' Audrey was just a breath above panic and Gabriel stroked her hair, keen to keep her calm. If she had to die, he didn't want her to be scared.
A shadow covered them. Gabriel looked up, a knot of dread settling in his guts. The Watcher was as tall as three city buses stacked end to end. His flaming sword trailed smoke and wavering, zigzag heat. His fiery orange eyes made a slow, cold evaluation. Gabriel felt as though his heart and soul were being flayed open for the curious, steady gaze of a celestial scientist. It left him feeling a bit violated and very uncomfortable. His heart thumped like a caged bird in a panic. His mouth went dry.
Audrey sobbed into his neck, her whole body gone stiff and hard with unspent fear and tension.
Gabriel liked the feel of her pressed close. He liked her damp lips against the sensitive, unweathered skin of his throat. He felt like the Watcher knew it, like the giant could see into his soul.
Then the Watcher turned away, his footfalls shaking the ground and Gabriel exhaled in relief. He cupped Audrey's face in both hands.
'It's over,' he said. 'It's over. We're safe.'
'Why didn't he kill us?' she sniffled.
'Holy fire can only burn the unrighteous. He must see some light in both of us.'
'There's no light in me,' she shook her head, her eyes puffy and pink.
He'd seen it the first day he met her.
'I see it,' he said kindly. 'Even if you do not.'
oOo
The sun disappeared behind a pall of smoke and low cloud and it went dark long before sunset. Audrey trembled, feeling like she was waiting for a really bad storm, or an eclipse. The atmosphere was full of electricity and presence. She clutched her blanket close as Gabriel joined her under the tarp and the first drops of rain fell on the plastic; deafening in this abject silence.
Lightning split the distant sky but the cloud was so dense Audrey could only see the flashes. She jumped wildly at a shadow in her peripheral vision before she realised it was Gabriel's wing. He laid it gently over her. It was soft and it had its own, unique, slightly dusty smell. She decided she quite liked it.
'Is everyone dead?' Audrey asked the question that was on her mind.
'I think so,' he didn't sound very certain. She felt vaguely frustrated by that. As an angel, surely he should know?
'I feel like all the voices in the world have gone quiet,' he admitted softly.
Audrey swiped tears away but more just flooded up to replace them.
'Why?' she asked him quietly. 'Why would God do this to us?'
'I don't know,' Gabriel said. 'He doesn't speak to me anymore.'
Audrey shivered in a sudden, cold breeze that blasted into the tent and pushed the blanket off her knees. She replaced it, fiddling with the plastic hem. She actually felt quite sorry for Gabriel. He'd lost his home and his family too.
She put her head down on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and put his cheek against the top of her head. Audrey could feel his pulse through his ribs. She listened to its steady, comforting, reliable thump.
Her eyes were sore and her nose was stuffy from crying. More than anything she wanted this experience to be over. She wanted to find some normalcy again. Audrey wondered how she'd have coped with all this alone and suddenly she was incredibly grateful to Gabriel for sticking with her.
Slowly, the storm died away and natural noises came back to the world, animals, birds, wind. Audrey felt like the old was washed away. There was a vibe of peace and release in the air that she found very comforting.
Audrey woke up with her head pillowed on Gabriel's bulky shoulder. He was still asleep. She gazed at the green fronds that waved idly in the temperate breeze, standing on their skinny stems just on the border between shadow and light. The desert was full of plants and trees from the foot of their hill into the distance. An oasis had sprung up overnight.
Audrey clambered out into the sun, spinning on the spot. The air smelled curiously light, as though all the pollution was gone.
Michael stood under the shadow of a palm with his arms folded.
'Hello Audrey,' he said, smiling at her.
TBC
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The Heartstring Symphony