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At the end there are the two of us	By : darkangel985 Category: 1 through F > Constantine Views: 2742 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Constantine, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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- 1
Title: At the end there are the two of us
Author:
darkangel985
Summary: Even the greatest happiness can not last
forever.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: John/Balthazar

Warning: Character death (tissue warning
for those of you who cry easily), if you find sex with a deathly sick
person offensive you can also consider yourself warned.

Feedback: desired.
Beta: I don't have one
at the moment, but if anyone wants to take on the job, feel free to
contact me.
Author’s notes: I have finally written the
sequel to 'Fading into the light'. The title and the short poem were
taken from a Lacrimosa song, that I found fitted the tone of the
story perfectly. I hope you enjoy this as much as 'Fading' and I will
now let you read on.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters
or places mentioned in this story. I neither intend any copyright
infringement, nor do I make money by writing this.

At the end there are the two of us

My hope shall guide
me

Through the days
without you

And the love shall
carry me

When the pain ends all
hopes

Hacking
coughs echoed through the silent apartment
as John stumbled towards the bathroom. He had hoped that the noise
wouldn't wake Balthazar or their sleeping daughter, but a sudden wail
told him that he had failed.

He
had no time to care about that though, because he was more concerned
with getting his head over the sink, preferably before he coughed his
lungs up. Heavy shudders racked over his body as the unpleasant taste
of blood entered his mouth.

Spitting
and coughing out whatever came from his lungs John felt a sudden
unexpected rush of panic as he looked at the mixture of red and
blackish liquid running over the white porcelain of his sink. What
the hell?

This
just couldn't be. This looked exactly like the stuff he had always
coughed up while his lungs had still been filled with aggressive
cancer, but the doctors that had checked him right after his
confrontation with Mammon and Lucifer had told him that his lungs
were clear again.

Lucifer.
There was no other explanation. The devil had healed his cancer and
now he had given back what he had taken. John's eyes were suddenly
drawn to a sleep-ruffled Balthazar, who had
just entered the bathroom, their daughter firmly enclosed in his
arms.

He
should have known it. Good things like that never lasted for long and
during the month that had passed since their daughter's birth the two
of them had been almost insanely happy. Sure, there had been moments,
where he had wanted to just throw the crying infant and his bitching
lover out of his flat, but most of the time they had been happy.

“Your
cold still hasn't gotten better, maybe...”

Balthazar
suddenly stopped in his speech, his nose twitching as if he was
looking for a distinct smell in the air. His usually tanned face
paling he stepped closer to the sink, taking a quick look at the
stained porcelain.

“But
I thought you...”

“So
did I.” John couldn't help the defeated tone in his voice as he
looked at the concerned face of his half-breed lover. Why could his
life never be just good for once? Was it too much to ask for that
little luxury after everything he had gone through?

Obviously
it was. Mainly feeling unbelievable tired John cleaned the sink,
while Balthazar hovered in the background. Underneath his tiredness a
fierce anger was seething, but he wasn't about to show that in front
of his daughter, since it would only make her cry.

Their
clever, little girl. She always seemed to catch on when one of them
was feeling bad and if the two of them argued she immediately started
crying, before setting something on fire. Pressing a quick kiss to
his daughter's forehead John walked back into the bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I
have never seen something like this before.” John would have
liked to scream at the doctor, that she wasn't being very helpful,
but he knew that it wasn't her fault. For once it wasn't his fault
either. The only one to really blame was Lu.

“This
is the most aggressive cancer I have ever seen. A month ago your
lungs were still completely clean and now...” She didn't have
to say it. John had seen pictures of his lungs often
enough to know that the cancer was even more extensive than it had
been before Lu ripped it out. And back then he had known that his
time was running out.

“Two
weeks, maybe three, a month if you are extremely lucky.”

The
shattering of glass could suddenly be heard as soon as she had
finished. Whirling around John saw Balthazar pull his fist away from
the broken window, blood running over his hand where the shards had
nicked him. Anger and disbelief stood written all over his lover's
face and John was glad that they had left their daughter with Chas.
She would probably have thrown a fit by now.

The
doctor had politely left them alone as soon as she had seen the look
on Balthazar's face, who was already pressing a possessive kiss on
John's lips the moment her back was turned. Frantically clutching at
the exorcist's shoulders Balthazar practically scorched his mouth
with the fierce possessiveness of his kiss. But before they broke
apart John could taste the salt of tears on his lips.

“You
can't die, John. You simply can't die.”

Fighting
down the hysterical laugh that threatened to break free John
answered: “It's not exactly as if I have a choice, Bally.”

Their
next kiss was sweeter, but not any less desperate than their last one
had been. But this time they had things to say with it. Things they
had never managed to put into words in all
the time they had been together. It had simply never been the time
and now they didn't have any left.

Lu
had finally found the perfect way of torturing them forever. John
knew that he would go up to heaven this time, because as far as Chas
had told him his slate was clean. Maybe he should be happy about
escaping eternal torment, but an eternity without Balthazar seemed
just as bad as anything that hell could throw at him. He would be
forever alone in heaven, since Bally as a demon could never enter
there.

Looking
back at the charts John sighed. Two weeks. He had to make the most of
what was left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time
always passes so slowly if you want it to go faster, but it starts to
run if you want it to go slow. Especially if you are happy a day
seems to pass away in a second. John had thought that maybe it would
be different for them and yet it hadn't
been.

The
two weeks after their visit to the hospital seemed to have passed in
the blink of an eye. His days had been completely devoted to his
daughter, now that playing with her, feeding her and even changing
her diaper seemed so much more important since he knew that he had no
time left. But the nights belonged to Balthazar alone.

Furious
and hard most of the time and John more than once wondered how
Balthazar managed to sit in the mornings. But it wasn't always like
this. Sometimes they were unbelievably tender as he spend hours
playing and preparing his lover's body. There was only one certainty.
No matter how often he tasted Bally's cum or smeared it over his
belly while he came inside his lover, it was never enough. Wouldn't
be enough, even if they had an eternity at their disposal.

But
they didn't have an eternity. They had two weeks, before John broke
down during a coughing fit, blood and black goo flowing from his
mouth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A
week later Balthazar stood in front of the white hospital door, a
shudder running through his body. He hated hospitals. Had in fact
always hated them. They stank of fear and sickness and death and
everything that made humanity inferior to a
demon's eyes.

But
his Johnny-Boy wasn't inferior. Not even
now that he lay in a small hospital bed, his skin almost as pale as
the sheets and the smell of death permeating the air. The silence of
the room was constantly broken by beeping machines, mirroring the
steady beat of his heart. Tubes were sticking out of his nose,
supplying him with the oxygen he so desperately needed. Still
beautiful.

Beautiful
and on the very verge of death. Balthazar knew and a single look at
John's face told him that he wasn't the only one. Good, that he had
left their daughter with Chas even if it wasn't in his nature to
trust an angel. He would soon have to anyway, since there was no way
he could raise their daughter all by himself.

He
didn't know what to say as he sunk into the chair next to John's bed,
firmly squeezing his lover's hand in his own. In the past he had
wondered whether or not the human feelings
he had developed due to their daughter would pass after he gave
birth, but now he knew that they hadn't. Otherwise he wouldn't be
able to feel the deep sorrow that now hurt in his chest. In some
deep, dark corner of his mind the demon he had once been was
screaming at him that it would be easier if he couldn't feel this,
but he didn't want to listen to his voice.

“Bally?”
John's voice was rough and small, but it was easily registered by his
demonic hearing. Leaning over to look at John's face Balthazar
signaled his attention, waiting for his lover to continue. “I
want you to fuck me.” Trust John Constantine to ask for
something like this when he was about to die. But Balthazar knew what
this was about and so he silently nodded his head, climbing on top of
his lover.

Carefully,
trying to not disrupt the tubes sticking out of John's body, he
pushed the flimsy hospital gown aside. John had lost weight during
the last weeks, his rips clearly visible under his pale
skin. Taking his mouth in a fierce kiss Balthazar rubbed their
tongues together for a short moment before he had to break away to
allow John to breathe.

His
hand had strayed down to his lover's cock, slowly bringing it to life
with determined, yet tender strokes. How long had he wished to have
this, to take John and pound hard into his body. But he had to be
careful now.

So
fragile. His John was so fragile and yet he had no lube to ease this
for him. Coating his fingers in saliva he was happy to coax a moan
from John's lips as the first one slid inside. This was so different
from what they had done before and it meant so much more. Easing a
second finger inside Balthazar carefully scissored them, stretching
John and finally finding his prostate.

His
lover was panting heavily now, a mixture of exertion and too little
air in his lungs. But he was still urging him on with moans and
little whispers of his name. If he had the choice to stop time
Balthazar would have stopped it right at that moment, with John
writhing and moaning on his fingers.

But
he didn't have such a wonderful power, so the only thing he could do
was unfasten his pants and coat his cock with his saliva. John's
hands were weakly clutching at his chest, trying to pull him closer
and yet didn't have the strength to do so.

Slow.
He was slower and sweeter than he had ever been before in his whole
demonic existence as he slid into John's body, moaning as tight heat
surrounded his cock. This wasn't about lust and desire. This was
about comfort and love and he could see both of them shining in
John's eyes as he slowly moved in and out of his body.

His
hand had closed around his lover's cock and he brought John closer
and closer to climax, the familiar moans that always signaled his
peak falling from his mouth. Balthazar captured John's mouth in a
last kiss as he felt sticky cum coat his belly and his own climax
surged through him.

And
the beeping changed to a steady tone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The
funeral had been the closest to hell he had ever experienced on
earth. He didn't understand why humans did that to themselves, to
stand around the corpse of the one they loved for hours, even if they
knew that the spirit had gone.

But
he suffered through it, trying to calm their daughter who had cried
the whole time. Balthazar would have cried too, but it seemed as if
demons only had so many tears to shed before they finally dried up.
He had ignored the pitiful looks that Chas,
Angela and Midnite had sent him as he walked away from the grave,
wanting nothing more than to sink down into John's leather armchair
and sleep. Maybe if he was lucky he would still find the smell of his
beloved exorcist there.

Putting
Layla into her crib he was glad that she had finally stopped crying,
allowing him to sink into the armchair and listen to the silent flat.
Except that it suddenly wasn't so silent
anymore as a voice he knew almost as well as his own started to
speak.

“When
did I allow you to borrow my suit, Bally?”

No.
No, it just couldn't be. But he still whipped his head up in
curiosity, immediately coming face to face
with his beloved exorcist. John was kneeling in front of him,
heavenly light surrounding his body as he opened his arms in a silent
invitation.

Balthazar
had moved before he fully understood what he saw and now there were
finally tears again. Their mouths met in a fierce, passionate kiss
and John tasted sweeter than he had ever before. If he would have
concentrated enough he could have recognized the taste as heavenly
purity, but he was too preoccupied with the joy of once again holding
John in his arms.

But
he wasn't allowed this bliss for long, since John broke their kiss,
wiping the tears away from his face. “Shh, Bally. I would like
to stay, but they only allowed me here for a short time and there are
some things I need to tell you.”

Nodding
his head Balthazar attentively stared at John's face, while tears
continued to pour down his cheeks.

“Lu
killed me to separate us forever, because demons can't get into
heaven. But our child changed you and you are not completely demonic
now. I'm here to tell you, that if you repent for what you did, there
is a chance that you might be allowed into heaven.”

Sudden
hope bloomed in his heart as he heard John's words. If he could get
into heaven, they could be together again. His lips were seized in
another passionate kiss and this time Balthazar tried to hold on for
as long as he could. But John's presence was already fading from the
room.

“There's
a last thing: I love you.”

And
then he was gone, the heavenly light once again replaced with the dim
shadows of the apartment as Balthazar's mumbled “I love you,
too.” could barely be heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fifty
years had passed since that day and yet Balthazar could still vividly
replay it in his memory as he stood in front of John's grave. The
writing on the stone had faded somewhat, but his demonic senses could
still read it, even in the dim light of the approaching night.
Sighing deeply Balthazar turned away from the stone, heading towards
the grave yard's exit.

Fifty
years and he hadn't seen John again. And now he was slowly loosing
hope of ever doing so. After John's death Balthazar had tried to keep
the demon population in check, driving away
all demons he had the power to control. But it wasn't enough to
redeem himself and if he was true to himself, there would never be
enough good he could do.

Even
if he had all eternity as he did. Because even though time had passed
he hadn't aged one day, looking as fresh and youthful as he had fifty
years ago. It wasn't like he was immortal, just that demons didn't
have to experience the discomforts of aging.

But
he could still be killed and then he would go to hell. To hell, where
he would spend eternal torment without his beloved Johnny-Boy.
Usually as a demon he should cheer at the prospect of being in hell,
close to Lucifer, but the thought alone sickened him.

On
some days he wished that he had never gotten to know human emotions
and would have been spared this pain. But that would have have meant
to not have his daughter and he wouldn't give her up for anything,
not even to have John back.

She
was a gorgeous woman, but considering who
her parents were that was to be expected. Fierce and temperamental,
she almost looked like a female version of John, but her eyes held a
dangerous demonic gleam.

Balthazar
wondered where she would be at the moment, coming to the conclusion
that she was probably at Midnite's, helping there. Ah, Midnite. He
had still not figured out how the voodoo priest had managed to not
age a day either, but he suspected that he wouldn't get an answer if
he asked about it. The man liked to keep his secrets.

Completely
lost in his thoughts Balthazar didn't pay attention to the old lady
that stepped onto the street close to him, until something made him
look up in alarm.

A
bus. And it was going to hit her. He hadn't even noticed that he had
reacted until the sudden pain shooting through his body told him that
he had been hit by the bus. Air rushed in his eyes as he was
propelled through the air, landing on the hard asphalt of the street.

He
could feel the blood sluggishly pour from his smashed skull, while he
waited for hell to open and suck him in. So, this was it. His stay on
the earth plane was over and he hadn't managed to even clean half of
his slate. Damn it.

The
light was extremely bright as it suddenly blinded him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Balthazar
was confused by what he was seeing. Maybe
the bus hadn't injured him deadly and he was just dreaming, because
there could be no other explanation for what he was seeing.
John, standing there in his usual attire, waiting for him.

“I
thought you'd be happier to see me, Bally.”

He
had no idea how he knew, but suddenly it was clear to him that he was
in heaven. Before he could even think about asking how this had
happened, John had already started to answer him. “You
sacrificed yourself, when you saved that lady. And now you may spend
eternity with me.”

Balthazar
just couldn't resist to groan theatrically as sudden happiness
flooded his body.

THE
END

I
thought about ending it when John died, but what can I say: I'm such
a sucker for happy ends.
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At the end there are the two of us