Jenny Jones

Disclaimer: You see it, you recognize it, it ain’t mine. Couple of people, like Lessa, are mine.

Summary: Random characters from random places come together on the Jenny Jones Talk Show.


Jenny: Hello, everyone! Today, our first guest is Anakin Skywalker. He seems o have a problem with his father figure. Let’s bring him out to get the whole story. Anakin?

Anakin: (audience cheers as he walks out) Hi.

Jenny: Well, Anakin, what seems to be the problem?

Anakin: Well, see, I asked my girlfriend to marry me, and she said no. I have a feeling that my girlfriends is cheating on me with my Master.

Audience: *collective gasp and snickers*

Anakin: Not THAT kind of master, you sick fucks! He’s my teacher!

Audience: Ohh……

Jenny: Now that we have that sorted out, let’s bring out the Master *giggle*, Obi-Wan Kenobi!

(audience boos until they get a good look, then females whistle and clap and males boo louder)

Obi-Wan: What the fuck have you gotten us into, you little son of a Sith!

Palpatine: (randomly entering) How did you know?

(crickets chirping)

Jenny: All right then. Obi-Wan, have a seat. Why don’t you tell your side?

Obi-Wan: I don’t even have any idea what the hell I’m doing here. I was in a lightsaber practice when some idiot walked in and demanded that I go with him, that this bitch had a problem and was taking it on television! What is television, anyway?

Audience: Ooh. . .

Jenny: All right, let’s bring out the girl in question! Here’s Padme Amidala!

(audience boos)

Padme: Yeah, well, fuck you guys too!

Jenny: Hi Padme. Why don’t you enlighten us on the situation?

Padme: That little fucker is totally lying! The only intimate thing that’s EVER happened is he’s trying to get me into bed with him. Anakin, it’s SO over!

Audience: Ooh. . .

Obi-Wan: Serves you right.

Padme: Obi-Wan. . .

Obi-Wan: Uh-oh.

Anakin: *snicker*

Padme: I love you, and I really have all along.

Obi-Wan: Yay! Let’s get married!

Padme: Okay!

Anakin: *jaw drop* Hey! That’s MY girlfriend!

Yoda: (entering and whacking people with gimer stick) Silence there will be! Disappointed I am! Expected better I did!

Anakin: Sorry, Master.

Yoda: Let go, you must. Look good together they do. Whiny little bitch he is not! Strong, good-looking children they will have!

Anakin: Hey!

Qui-Gon-Ghost: Dammit, Kenobi, I told you to TRAIN the boy, not steal his girlfriend!

Obi-Wan: Hey, fuck you! You have no idea what you left me in that little Sith brat!

Qui-Gon-Ghost: *manages to smack Obi-Wan upside the head, despite his transparent ghost-liness* Point remains.

Yoda: *smacks Qui-Gon-Ghost (here on out known as QGG) with gimer stick* Back off you will! Suffered enough Obi-Wan has when his Master, you were!

QGG: *wisely disappears*

Darth Maul: At last, we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have REVENGE!!!

Obi-Wan: And YOU! It’s all your fault I got stuck with the Sith bitch! *grabs a chair and gives chase to the Sith*

Audience: *Uproarious laughter*

(A random time portal takes the opportunity to open now and spill out characters from the future of the galaxy, i.e. Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie, Vader and Palpatine)

Luke: Dude, what a trip!

Chewie: Roar.

Palpatine: Get the hell off me! I’m a frail old man!

(They all get up)

Luke: *muttering* Frail old man, my ass. . .

Palpatine: I heard that!

Luke: (gives him the finger)

Audience: Ooh. . . *laughs*

Obi-Wan: *re-entering, without chair and suspiciously covered in sawdust and looking very pleased with himself* What did I miss?

Padme: Random people entering from another time.

Obi-Wan: Ah. What else is new?

Leia: *Appraising Anakin* Dude, he’s hot!

(Anakin puffs out chest in pride)

Han: Hey!

Leia: *catching sight of Obi-Wan* But he’s hotter! Can I get your number?

Han: Leia! What have I told you about hitting on guys from the past?

Vader: *also catching sight of Obi-Wan* Hey, that’s the son of a bitch that stole my girl! Asshole, I’ll show you!

(as Vader makes his way to smash young, hot, unsuspecting Obi-Wan, he is stopped by *gasp* dun dunn DUNNNNN – Palpatine!)

Palpatine: Patience, my young apprentice! His time will come!

Vader: *grumbles* Sorry, Master.

Obi-Wan: Wait, that’s ANAKIN in the future? Whoa, dude, you’re an ugly son of a bitch, AND you don’t change your ways! *cracks up*

Anakin: Yeah, fuck you.

Yoda: *smacks Anakin’s knees out from under him and sits on him, waving gimer stick menacingly* Fun this is! Had this much fun since Qui-Gon my apprentice was, I have not. My apprentice Skywalker will be!

Obi-Wan: Yay!

Yoda: Mace! (he enters) Take Skywalker to my quarters you will.

(Anakin looks terrified as Mace drags him away)

Jenny: All right, then, Mr. Troll Dude. . .

Yoda: *beating her with gimer stick* Master you will call me!

Jenny: Yes Master. . .

Yoda: Better. Learn quickly you do.

(Jenny runs away screaming)

Yoda: Hmph. Taking over I am. My show this is now.

Obi-Wan: *raising his hand* May Padme and I be excused? We want to get married.

Yoda: Send those idiots back through their portal first, you must.

Obi-Wan: Yes, master.

Luke: Wait a minute. That kid that got dragged outta here is Anakin Skywalker, right? (collective nods) He can’t be my dad! I look nothing LIKE him!

Leia: Hey, the whiny brat is right for once!

Luke: Hey!

Obi-Wan: Luke, I am your father. Always wanted to say that. . .

Luke: Sweet!

(Obi-Wan kicks all the future types out through the portal.)

Obi-Wan: Great. Now that that’s done, c’mon, Padme. We’re hitting Vegas.

Padme: Hell yeah!

(they exit)

Yoda: Return shortly, we will. Go to commercial, we must. Come back you will *resumes menacing waving of gimer stick* or else.