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October 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It's kinda sexy, kinda spicy. But it could use a real good beta-ing to clear up an awful lot of awkward sentences. I notice as the action heats up, the punctuation & spelling break down, like you were typing with only one hand. "Andrew" is a very silly name for star wars. The king saying "great!" is also silly & doesn't sound at all royal. The idea of Obi-Wan & Siri being allowed to go "dating" is also silly. See? Stuff like that a beta could help you clear up.