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Reviews for Running the Gauntlet

By : Hopebringer
  • From RogueMudblood on August 14, 2011
    Since you have multiple chapters posted, I'm going to post one review for all (hope you don't mind) and give you reactions as I read (since that's how I wrote them after all).

    Chapter One

    You've immediately captured the age of the narrator with your word usage. I like that. I must say that my face got the traditional thirty-isn't-old look that it takes on whenever a youngster acts like I could personally tell them all about cro-magnon man as your narrator continued, so you definitely accomplished portraying her age. The only issue I have is in the constant reinforcement of it, such as I am a teenager at least. Maybe later on, if she were acting more mature than her age, it would fit better.

    I loved her reactions to Lord Vader in the introduction. Death warmed over, indeed!

    I have to admit curiosity as to what experiment caused the miscalculation that precipitated their arrival.

    I am curious also as to what it is that the emperor can not do with Diamond?

    Chapter Two

    You have a couple of typos at the beginning of this chapter: Micheal when you mean Mitchel, and Hetherir (or at least it's spelled differently at the end of chapter one). Thought I'd let you know.

    During the episode with 'Red,' you have a sentence: Hetherir is even worse than she is. It seems incongruous with the paragraph. I realize you're trying to give us a comparative point for his personality, based on hers, but it doesn't really fit here.

    After the translation was complete, my first thought was "When do we get to meet the Jedi?" I am very curious to see how you envision their presence here, and her reactions to it.

    Another question regarding the tablet: Does Vader know of it? And if so, does he remember it?

    I love her defiance. I love that she's so open - and yet in a way, not - with her emotions. I like the way you've built her up to this point - she's certainly interesting!

    Chapter Three

    I'm very intrigued by your mystery man. How he hears the music, how he can see that she can.

    The person in the arena at the end of the chapter: I get the feeling that this is Anakin. I could be wrong, but I very much have the impression that she is reaching the man inside the armor, especially with how lenient he is with her.

    Chapter Four

    I loved the comment about how everyone was too busy being cold to notice anyone else even really existed. You've captured that pretty well, and I really like how in the very next sentence, it is she who is caught off guard by not being aware of her surroundings.

    I liked the scene between her and Mitchel. Very vague, and yet just enough information for me to know that she's tapping into the Force; she's just unaware that she is.

    Well done! I am intrigued. I want to know who the mystery man is. I am very interested to see the development of the relationship between Diamond and Vader. Though his appearances are sparse (relatively), when he does show up, he is always different with Diamond. And I love the music/temp/light reaction every time she comes in contact with the Force. (The allergic reaction comment? Priceless!

    I am interested to see where you take this. Please continue, and thank you for sharing this.
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