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Reviews for An Eye for a Bargain

By : Nimue

From ANON - Claire on July 24, 2003
It's funny - the way you describe your character's body is what was considered tremendously gorgeous during that time period. The slender, super-model look Keira Knightley has would be considered unhealthy and unattractive. ^^; Corsets were there to make the waist smaller, and thus make the hips appear bigger. Bigs wes wehe he "in" thing.

I have issues with you OOC Norrington - the man is NOT evil. While Jack is a pirate as well as a good man, Norrington is a by-the-book law-abiding officer who is also a good man. He is extremely unselfish - this is proven by him saying "By remembering that I serve others, and not myself" in response to Jack tempting him to go after the Black Pearl, as well as him giving up on Elizabeth when he realized she was in love with Will (regardless of the fact that she had agreed to marry him - in that age, he could have forced her to marry him and been totally in the right). I really doubt he would ever marry for a superficial reason. If the only reason he like Elizabeth was that she was beautiful, he would have taken back his proposal when she had returned from being kidnapped - she'd just spent a day on board a pirate ship, and a lot of time alone with a boy who was known to have feelings for her, and her "dignity" as lady would be GONE in the eyes of the public by this point. But he still cares for her, and is still willing to marry her, public knowledge be damned.

Irks aside, your writing is fairly good, and I encourage you to continue in your writing endeavors.
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From ANON - Elspethdixon on July 23, 2003
*claps hand gleefully* "Pirates" het! Decent "Pirates" het! Hurrah! *finishes exulting* I've really enjoyed your story so far, especially the Jack POV bits and the portrayal of Will and Eizabeth--happily married, obviously in love, but still able to argue and disagreee. Abby may be charting a course a bit near to the shoals of Mary Suedom, if only in that she's going to ep wip with the hottest character in the story, but I like her anyway. Romantic, outspoken (but not unbelievably so), and for once, not perfect-looking, raven-haired, "fragile-looking" or any of those other female OC traits.

My only bit of criticism is that you may be making Norrington just a bit too evil--he did have a heart in the movie, if one rather well buried under stuffiness, judgementalness, and duty.
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From ANON - Inanna on July 22, 2003
I like the direction that your fic is taking, it's better than most of the 'what happened after the movie' fics that Ireadread. Abiageal is an awesome character (and she's Irish which makes her even more cool) and I can't wait to read your next installment.
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From ANON - Julia on July 21, 2003
your story is pretty impressive! it actually DIDN'T try to break up Will and Elizabeth, Jack is done exactly in character, and you are just a talented writer to begin with. one thing I really liked was when the sky (or the sea - can't remember) was described as being "as blue as a mermaid's tears". LOVED that.

remember, the one difference between an Original Character and a Mary Sue is that Mary Sues are perfect and ideal and the main character takes one look at her and falls instantly in love. Abby is an original character and a good one, she's fearless and funny, I like how she's starting to despair about Norrington and we can see how she's desperate, that she's got to get out. as long as you keep portraying her as a person, stating all of her personality, temper, plainness, strengths and flaws and all, then your story will continue to be great.

rock on. keep writing! anicklickly, because the Sparrowfan in me wants to see Jack get laid. w00t for spirited chicks!
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From ANON - jen on July 21, 2003
I'm liking this storlot.lot. How refreshing to find a story that actually wants to keep Will and Elizabeth together! And while Abby is an original character, I wouldn't call herary ary Sue. Poor thing's hardly perfect-looking, and you have a wonderful way of winning over the reader's sympathy to her. So please write more, and quickly! I want to know what happens next.
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From ANON - Morwenna Caddy on July 21, 2003
I can clearly see Jack's charming personality shining through in this chapter. I also like the injured ribs bit. It's good to torture the heroes! BTW, any chance I can get on a mailing list so you can let me know when you update? I'm really enjoying the story.
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From ANON - giova on July 21, 2003
I think you are doing Jack just fine- I think he must be a very hard character to write. I would be afraid to attempt it. Anyway, I'm still quite enjoying this story- I hope to see more soon.
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From ANON - Kat on July 20, 2003
Me again! Sorry I forgot! I LOVE MAry-Sue's (call me crazy) and I'm so glad that there is finally a good Jack/OC pairing! I LOVE OC pairings! PLEASE get a little more graphic with Jack and the OC!
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From ANON - Kat on July 20, 2003
This is a GREAT FIC! I hope that you write more soon and I don't care about the writing thing! As long as you keep adding more chapters, that's GREAT!
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From ANON - Morwenna Caddy on July 18, 2003
Great! I usually don't like Mary Sue characters, but your story is an exception. I really like the character of Abby, and I think her firey hair and spirit will be perfect for Jack. Just because she doesn't fit the dainty china doll idea of beauty of the 1600's, doesn't mean she isn't beautiful in her own way. I can Jack being attracted to her strong physique.

Too bad Jack is getting better! I was hoping you'd torture him some more, and then Abby would get to nurse him back to health. Heh
Mor
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From ANON - Adara on July 18, 2003
This is a wonderful s! I ! I love it! Can't wait to hear more. You're a truly brilliant and talented author.
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From ANON - Antilia on July 17, 2003
I reviewed this story on ff.n, but I wanted to add my thoughts here as well (also since ff.n appears to be down, AGAIN...)

I don't notice anything particularly "Mary Sue-ish" about your Abby. She is not stunningly beautiful, which I find refreshing; she's not dainty and small, and the main characters (i.e., Norrington) do not fall instantly in love with her. Just remember to balance a strength (her kind heart) with a weakness (her plainness). If you make her clever at solving problems, remember to give her a balancing weakness, too, like a terrible fear of firing a gun. (And that's just an example, mind, not that you should adopt that particular idea.) Just don't make her able to save the day single-handedly and you'll be well on your way to an attractive female OC.

I like the interaction between Elizabeth and Will; I like very much that you have chosen to give them a loving relationship in this story. The way Will calls her "loves tos touching.

I have a weakness for what another writer called "the hero in a heap" story, and you carry this off very well. Poor Jack... Can't be too battered, lol!

I know you said you aren't good a proofreading, but there were a couple errors that were glaring enough you might want to fix: when you say Jack is just recovered from "phenomena" when I think you mean "pneumonia", and the reference to going to "Satin" when I think it should be "Satan". Please don't take this as criticism, I only mean to help you. I am really enjoying your story & was so glad to see a 3rd chapter posted here tonight. The inner editor in me can't help nitpicking.

Sentence structure is good, grammar is good, description is good. You have a nice mix of personalities in your characters. I can't wait to read the next chapter. Don't rush the storyline, give Jack a hard time getting free!

Sorry if this review is way too long.
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From ANON - Jenn on July 17, 2003
Its great! Keep it up. Maybe have abby free Jack and stop the marrage agreement or somethin along those lines. Just a thought ;)
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From ANON - giova on July 17, 2003
Hi, just thought I'd comment on the MarySue thing. I personally like fanfics with OC. Yes, I suppose it is a way of inserting one's self into the story, but so what? I personally don't see a problem with it. If people to to be so picky about it they need to stick to the original and not read fan-fiction. Just MHO. Anyway, I'm still enjoying your story(and no, I am not a teenaged girl), so I hope you find the time to write more soon!
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From ANON - giova on July 16, 2003
This is still quite good.It's very well-writen and I like the descriptions. Abby I also like, especially the fact that she isn't some perfectly georgeous stick-girl. Looking forward to more! Please continue!
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