Reviews for Padme, InterruptedBy : patientalien |
I enjoyed most of the story, the composition was nice, grammar was fine by me, and the characters weren't too far off from how I imagine they would act. However I thought the "sex scene" lacked a bit...
More time and detail could have gone into Ahsoka getting Padme off, length, description, perhaps have Anakin on the com longer, and really put effort into Padme trying to keep her composure. Either having her orgasm on the com, maybe really getting it from an aggressive Ahsoka after, or even let Anakin think she was merely masturbating but completely oblivious to his padawan screwing his wife.
The part that probably irritated me the most was the cop out shower scene, more could have been done with it, and it felt like you originally intended that, but merely got bored with writing, and chose to put the pointless scene in before rushing to the end. In role play and writing I do, I'd personally not leave a story like this half done with, "She made good on her promise." The scene is best not eluded to at all if you have no intention on writing it. It was similar to Abrams setting up the Rey's parents reveal only for the hack writer and director after him to go, "lolz nvm not important."
In closing I enjoyed a lot of the story and your writing, but I feel the story should have gone on for another chapter or two, to ensure the characters, and readers, were completely satisfied, and a proper ending was reached.
Continuation please
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