Reviews for A Marriage To A Fine WomanBy : MarianTheBlackadder |
-There are some grammatical and spelling errors which unfortunately do distract from the story. For example, you seem not to know whether to use "to" or "too" in certain instances. "Too" is an adverb used in place of also (or in addition to) or to express that something is more excessive than desired, necessary, or possible. While "to" is used in a variety of different instances as a preposition, an infinitive marker and an adverb, it is never used the same way "too" is used. Hopefully that'll help with that.
-In the beginning of the story, Aislinn was described as having green eyes. Somewhere in the middle of the story she is described as having blue eyes with no explanation as to why the change was made. Things like this also distract from the story.
I would recommend finding a beta as they can catch these things for you before you publish your stories.
As for your characterization of Norrington, I must compliment you. I think, for the most part, you are doing a very good job with him. Some things seem a bit out of character, but mostly I can actually hear him and see him in my head doing as you describe. I also like that you are taking your time with the relationship between Norrington and his wife and are not rushing forward with gratuitous sex and whatnot. The story, so far, is moving at a nice pace. The only reason I can think of that you are not getting reviewed more is really just because not as many people are as interested in reading about James Norrington as they are in the more popular characters of PotC. That's a shame, really, because they are missing out on a pretty good story.
Kohl
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