Adult-FanFiction.org : Movies

Reviews for Unnaturally Beautiful

By : acaciac123

From BleedingHearts on June 07, 2011
I've left a review on your FF.net link. Hope it wasn't too negative. I'd love to read more of your fics. X
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From candiedapple on January 06, 2009
First, I just want to say I adored this story. It was something I had idly thought of. Thought I must be crazy to pair those two together so I forgot about it. Then one day I was at the bookstore, came across the 'Return to the Labyrinth' manga and -almost- bought it. I didn't because it was all false advertising. A simply gorgeous cover with only mediocre art inside.

When I got home, I started up my Labyrinth playlist and searched for good fanfiction. I stumbled across this story. I started reading it and it was well written. A spelling or grammar mistake every so often but nothing that would cause me to stop. As I read, I became more and more attached to the characters. Jareth slowly learning to love. Toby becoming the happy, accepted, and loving young man he should have always been. I was captivated by their trials and horrified by the way Karen wanted to cure Toby's 'gay problem.'

Then I reached the interestingly titled twentieth chapter. Hm..The scroll bar on the side was rather large. That could only mean the dreaded author's note. I could only hope it promised an update soon. Sadly, that was not to be.

Like that poorly drawn manga with the pretty cover I feel this story is nothing but false advertisement. I read these fairytale like stories for the happily ever after. The hopeless romantic in me demands such stories. But... you stopped. And truthfully, you could have possibly tied this up in one, maybe two, chapters more. Yet you did not. Wasn't there any way you could put in the summary somewhere 'No longer updated.' At least then I would have known what I was getting into. I dedicated so much time to reading this only to be left hanging. Do they ever have there ceremony? Does Toby ever visit Sarah again? How does she take the news of their bonding? Does having Toby love Jareth cause the Great Queen's curse to be broken? Do Juli and Merik ever get together?

All questions that can't be answered now.

At the risk of sounding like a petulant child, I'm not happy. Not happy at all.

~Apple
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From acaciac123 on January 11, 2008
Ahh, aff doesn't have a way to reply to reviews! Damn it.

Yodel you've caught me in something I'm embarrassed I didn't pick up on myself. Now that it's break I've been going over and reworking a few of the chapters and now I see I have something else to go back and add. I suppose you could also say that Jareth somehow provides him with some sort of magical light that is in every way similar to natural light - if you look in the movie at the heart of the labyrinth scene there are all sorts of different types of light sources coming out of every direction but I suppose that falls a bit flat. To be honest its just a hold over from the original writers story, and from her other writings I don't think she was familiar at all with much about art (Tobias' incredible super power to finish huge mural sized paintings within a few hours par example). Thank you all the same for pointing it out.

As for Jareth being fey . . .

I've credited the site Jareth's Realm before in my notes on my lj which happens to host a wonderful argument on the possibility of Jareth being fey and I have to say I agree with them completely so for my rewrites I am indeed writing him as one - there's just so much evidence that would lend its self to that particular conclusion.

So yes, this is the original that I began reading some time ago and was handed over to me. As I've said I wanted to upload the original some place safe for people to read if they preferred and considering some of the angry messages I got I suppose I did the right thing since I can always politely direct them here instead.

As for the last few chapters in this version . . . to not give too much away I want to take the story in a new direction that would require a few of the latter chapters to be dropped completely as 1. the direction the story takes has never really sat well with me, the characters get off too easily for one thing and 2. it would make it extremely difficult, in my opinion, to write a satisfactory ending.

Wow! I've never had anyone bother to review this much before, all I can say is that I'm really flattered you've taken such an interest - you have my completely thanks. I hope you'll continue reading and putting in your input in the future back on ff, I'm always interested in what other people have to say.
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From slayerette0 on December 13, 2007
I agree, the crap manga certaintly doesn't count... And slashing someone who was a baby in the canon does give me an unsettled feeling...
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From Yodeladyhoo on November 10, 2007
So, what is posted here is the original from the original author ? This has very little of your own work ? Okay, I'm glad to hear that because in the later chapters the quality of writing was getting sloppy. I also noticed that there are a few too many overtures of vampirism going on here. I'm getting a little annoyed about that because I don't see the cannon characters as being vampires. Why do they need to be vampires ? Why can't they be just themselves without the sun burning Jareth's eyes, this fixation with blood ?

I'll see you over at the other FanFiction site.

Until again.
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From Yodeladyhoo on November 09, 2007
You're right, Jareth seems beyond way out of character. Sorry, I just can't see our arrogant Goblin King supplicating for any reason. The only reason that Jareth would have his forehead to the floor would be if he were dead already. But, that's my take on the character offered. I can cope with Jareth being in love and not knowing it, I can understand his passion for Toby in his life. Heck, I can even understand if Sarah breaks up her family in order to try to seduce Jareth to ' spare ' her brother ( am I pushing a sub-plot here ? ), but not a begging Jareth.

Also, there's been a change of writing style. You're rushing in your descriptives and narrative to get to the story quickly. The story isn't telling itself.

Until again.
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From Yodeladyhoo on November 04, 2007
Okay, one small issue.

Given that in your story, mostly everyone wakes up at dusk, up all night, then falls asleep at dawn ( I'm not even going to touch on the vampire theme here ) your time references are confusing. The issue isn't in calling the meals breakfast, lunch and dinner ( in our sense, it would be called dinner, midnight snack and breakfast ), the problem arises when you say they met in the EVENING for dinner. Wouldn't they meet in the wee hours before dawn for dinner, given their petchances for waking in the late afternoon?

In the same vein, as an artist, if Toby sleeps in the day, he's missing out on the wonderful natural light. He's always painting ( for him ) after breakfast and through lunch. This is the middle of the night. That could cause some frustration for a painter.

Now, for the pet peeve of this review board: homosexuality. If you want to say that the character of Jareth is fae, the Welsh/Celtic canon says that this race of beings swing whichever the wind happens to be blowing at that instance. Meaning, they are, at best, bi. I often wonder if they are completely hedonistic. If one where to look at the movie in this canon, the ballroom scene would support the hedonism I wonder about. Also, there is a very famous Irish story about a fae ( I think )woman who is fought over by two men, one fae, on human. She claims to love one when she is with him, but is fickle and will say the same thing to the other. So, the notion of love and the ability or inability to love still works well.

Now, all this holds water, IF JARETH IS FAE. If he isn't fae, then it really doesn't matter since we have no idea what he could be. Perhaps homosexuality would be the norm for whatever he is and his last line to Sarah in the movie was all a diversionary tactic. Now, I know that the other person doesn't like the manga, but, can she deny the book of the movie written by A.C.H. Smith ? In there, the only comment that might make you think Jareth has designs on Sarah is, "...to old to turn, to young to keep for himself. Damn her innocent eyes." There is no mention about Jareth possibly being gay, but then again, that would be really sick since Toby is less than 2 years old then. Sorry, I can deal with M/F-M/M-F/F-bi-poly-mono, but I can't deal with child porn. Anything between consenting adults is cool, but one of the parties doesn't know what reproduction is all about, that isn't cool.

Sorry about the rant.

Until again.
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From Yodeladyhoo on November 04, 2007
Hi there! I orginally found this story on the non-adult version of this site, now I see it here with modifications. I like the changes, but to be honest, I really loved the chair taking Wren out of the dining room better that her walking out.

I also see that you're updating the story here and not over there. I will continue to read it here, because it's a great story with fabulous character developement, etc. ( do you need more ego stroking? Do I have to say it all? )( I teasing, you know! )

So, now I'm off to stay up until I'm all caught up. I'll review then. Just tell me, do I have to re-read stuff prior to this chapter to catch any more of those beautiful additions?

Until again.
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From lornfaer on October 15, 2007
Okay, I spent all day reading this. It's so INCREDIBLE! I would have never considered Tobias and Jareth...it's so awesome, though. You had asked if the roughness bothered the readers. I personally think he's the Goblin King, there almost HAS to be rough sex involved, no? I don't think he's OOC. I always thought of the Goblin King as very emotional, with emotions that could change drastically and without warning in mere seconds. That's how you've portrayed him, I think. Hee, they're getting married! Anyway, I love it so far and think you need to update very soon! ^.^
-Lorn

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From acaciac123 on October 04, 2007
Thanks everyone for your wonderful reviews so far! I've noticed a few of you keep referencing Rayanne's review in your own so once again to set the record straight (no pun intended) I respect her opinion as much as any one else's. While I thank you for your support I really don't see any need to keep disparaging her remarks. It really depends on your point of view - I myself have come to online e-blows a few times with people over certain characters sexuality so I can understand. If someone doesn't see Jareth as bi, gay, straight, pan, poly or whatever its up to them. :)
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From Vittani on October 03, 2007
Ooh and ignore that stupid cow who reviewed earlier, who does she think she is. I love slash but i have never read a manga in my life. Dont really even know what they're like apart from the covers. Love this and i so want the next part.
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From Vittani on October 03, 2007
this is the most amazing thing ive ever read. i absolutely love it. Is there anyway you could email me when you update?

Vittani@aol.com
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From SailorAurora on August 11, 2007
I personally advise you to just ingore the person who flamed you. she's so ingorant.... as I said in my rant/author notes (that I have to yet to post):
" That person really made A LOT of assumptions there. There�s plenty of people who love slash who doesn�t even read Manga at all. So of course, how would they know about there being a Labyrinth Manga before writing a gay story for Labyrith? Second, not all the �Yaoi people� love turning everyone gay.
I�m a huge Yaoi fan, but I don�t go running around going: �Mmm, That hot guy and this guy should be gay!�. Heck, while I think Jareth could easily swing both ways (honestly have you seen the way he dresses? Way too well dressed for an completely straight person)� I�ve been always a supporter of the whole Sarah/Jareth pairing (while remaining open to other pairings). So that whole �You yaoi people just love turning EVERYONE gay!!� was really rude and condsending!"

I actually like this story very much! There's not alot of Toby/Jareth stories, much less gay ones....so it's always nice to see something new and refreshing amongst all the same old, tired Sarah/Jareth pairings... Even though I'm writing a Jareth/Sarah pairing myself. ^^;;
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From acaciac123 on August 01, 2007
Okay this is the author checking in because I don't want this to go any further. Ryanne_Homicide I understand what you're saying and I'm definately not in support of of the turn everyone everywhere gay fic that seems to be popping up more and more frequently - this is just the story I wanted to tell. And to anyone who wants to argue for either side I'm all for it - I have nothing against either interpretation. But it does have a m/m warning in the description so if you don't agree to it don't read it.

I thank both of you for your compliments though and I hope both of you will continue to read and write for this fandom.
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From RyanneDeath on August 01, 2007

As far as Im concerned, that manga dosent count. What counts is the film that I remember from being seven years old. I know you yaoi obsessed people love turning everyone gay, but hush child. The personality and psychology of the character doesent support it, and I really dont care two shits about the comic. Typical manga garbage. Go back to your comic books children, and leave the real stuff to those whove seen the same character staring back at us for twenty years. Gay. PLEASE. Im bisexual, and if you read my profile, I have M/M stuff written myself. So I dont mind or am I disgusted by it. But in this case, it dosent match, and its rather unsettling. And something tells me this story will just end up in the many black holes in this section anyway. Next time..WATCH THE MOVIE. And leave the characters from it there, where they were meant to be. Unless youre Frank R. Miller, keep your nose where it dosent belong. Get it. GOOD. If you wanna talk about it further, my AIM is lateralus6662002.

R
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